If you ask Jared, it all started two years ago when Misha Collins (as Castiel, Angel of the Lord) looked at Jensen Ackles (as Dean Winchester, Hunter and all round fucked-up guy) and started an epic round of eye-fuckery that would cause the implosion of fangirls, not only around the planet but, apparently, around the universe.
If you ask Jensen, it all started two hours ago when he, Misha, Jared and Kripke were somehow transported-- and, oh god, he could have gone through life without ever using that term-- onto a fucking big spaceship circling the planet.
If you ask Misha, you're not going to get much out of him, because his brain is flicking between Fuck me, aliens-- and Wow, the earth looks really pretty from up here-- and then back to Fuck me, aliens--
If you ask Eric, you're not going to get much out of him, either, as he's pretty much stuck on flurble right now, but he'll get back to you on it.
If you ask Kol of Thetera in the Epsilon Delta Belt of the Karastus Galaxy, it all started when he asked his daughter what she wanted for her Naming Day and Kera told him that she wanted Dean Winchester and his angel to finally get together.
If you go back to the beginning, though, it really started in 1974 when a radio telescope sent a message into space. Kol's not from the message's intended destination; if he was, he wouldn't actually get it for about another 24,966 years (give or take a day or two). He is, however, from one of the planets that the message went past on its way. One of the planets that had the technology to track the message back to its source and to tap into the myriad of signals bouncing around the air of said source. And that is how Thetera in the Epsilon Delta Belt of the Karastus Galaxy got introduced to the CW.
It doesn't take much to hijack the signal, Kol explains. In fact, within the Epsilon Delta Belt, the broadcasting is shared. The Theterans can pass their days watching Lestan soap operas, the Lestans can spend their money one of the 300 Shajan shopping channels, the Shajans can yell answers at the screen while watching Betan quiz shows, and so on and so forth. Television, he says, is serious business in Karastus, with channels being pulled in from countless other planets.
Jared's eyes glaze over slightly when Kol mentions Thetera is up to about 47,000 channels. Which is strange, he comments, because there are days he still can't find anything to watch.
But, anyway, 47,000 channels come through on each viewer in each household of Thetera, including the CW, which leads us back to Kol and Kera and a father who wants to give his daughter the best Naming Day he can.
"What do you mean you can't do it?" Kol says, part of him wanting to know why it can't be done and part of him wondering if Kera would like a pony instead.
"The network would never go for it," Eric replies, his brain having finally moved off flurble and was now trying to deal with explaining to the seven foot blue guy why he can't just throw Dean and Castiel in bed together. "Don't get me wrong, with the amount of constant eye-fucking that goes on between these two, you'd think that was the next stage, but it can't be done. Trust me, I've already asked."
"Hey!" Jensen interrupts. "We don't constantly eye-fuck, thank you." He pauses, turning to Jared and Misha. "Do we?"
Jared shrugs, his "Gotta say, dude, you kinda do," overlapping with Misha's "It was a character decision I made at the beginning."
Waving a hand at the two of them and wondering if this is what Kirk Douglas felt like in Spartacus, he turns his attention back to Eric. "And what do you mean you've asked?"
Eric stares at him, incredulous. "You seriously thought I was going to ignore all that tension between the two of you? Season five, episode five was meant to be way different to what we did. I still have the script we were meant to use. There was going to be Dean admitting how he felt, looking all stilted and constipated, and then bam, we're on to kissing, falling to the bed and fade to black." He starts to pace. "It's a great script. It's a fucking epic script, and instead the network comes down from on high and I get stuck with Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton! Do you think that was actually the plan, Jensen? Do you?"
"I thought the entire Paris Hilton thing came out of left field," Jared mutters, while Jensen and Misha just stare at a red-faced and slightly out of breath Eric.
Eric sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. "So, no," he says, "I'm afraid we can't help. Sorry."
Curse the nine gods of Stardan. Kol only hopes Kera understands that he at least tried. "Very well, I'll return you--"
"Hold on." Misha steps forward, looking at Eric. "Is that script still in your office?"
Eric nods. It's been there ever since the network told him to shred it, which he did. He just didn't shred the other seven copies he had of it.
Misha grabs Jensen's arm, tugging him over to other side of the room.
Jared's not entirely sure what they're talking about, but from the bug-eyed look Jensen's just given and the smirk on Misha's lips, he's starting to have a pretty good idea.
"Okay," Misha says, dragging Jensen back over. "We may be able to help."
"Seriously?" Kol asks, hoping. Partly because he's sure Kera's already told all her friends what her fabulous father is getting her and partly because he's never going to be able to find a pony before tomorrow.
Misha starts to nod, stopping as he glances back at Jensen.
Jensen just rolls his eyes as he steps forward. "We're going to need some things from the set."
Kol grins. "Maybe not."
"Dude!" Jared breathes, awestruck. "You've got a holodeck."
"The visual imaging chamber can recreate any location from your show." He presses a button and the generic motel room fades to Singer's Salvage Yard. "Kera programmes each new location as it appears. She and her friends like to act out scenes from the show."
Jared pokes one of the broken down cars, laughing when he feels the cool metal against his finger. "This is awesome." He pauses slightly, turning to Kol with a thoughtful look. "Can you programme any location and have you ever seen the Playboy Channel?"
Jensen smacks his arm. "Focus, Padalecki," he mutters, before looking at Kol. "Can we get the motel room back?"
Kol nods and the motel room returns with the press of another button. "We'll just be outside," he says, the door opening behind them. "Ship," he raises his voice slightly, "begin recording."
The three of them leave Jensen and Misha in the chamber, Jensen's soft, "Cas, there's something I gotta tell you--" fading as the door hisses shut.
"Now," Kol says, rubbing his hands together as he turns to Jared and Eric, "can I offer you something to drink?"
Jared's not sure what's in the bright purple thing he's drinking, but it's fucking awesome. "What did you call this again?"
"A sorellian sunset," Kol answers, topping up Jared's glass from the jug he's holding.
"We gotta take some of this back with us," Jared comments.
"And some of the green one, as well," Eric adds, waving his hand in front of him and thinking that he's not entirely sober.
"Yes!" Jared agrees. "The green one. That was--"
"Very green," Eric finishes.
Jared nods enthusiastically. "Very green." He pauses for a moment, glancing down to check his watch. "Do you think they're done yet? It's been over an hour."
"Maybe they're just getting into it," Eric replies. "You know, drawn out declarations and misunderstandings. Castiel not quite getting what Dean's saying and leaving because he thinks Dean doesn't want him there." He clutches a hand to his chest. "And then Dean runs out into the parking lot, shouting for Castiel to get his feathery ass back down here, right now. Reaching out as Cas appears and telling him that going to the future, that seeing himself sending that Cas to his death made Dean realise just how much--" Eric trails off as he sees the look Jared's giving him. "What?"
"There are times you scare me, man," Jared says softly.
Kol reaches for a small remote, pointing it at one of the walls.
Eric looks at Jared. "I'm just saying that maybe they're giving the angst the resolution it deserves."
"Or maybe they've decided to have a fuckload of sex, instead," Jared comments.
Eric nods. "Or maybe they've decided-- wait, what--"
Jared points to the large screen behind Eric's head.
Twisting around, Eric looks behind him, squinting as he tilts his head one way and then the other. "Wow, I never realised Misha was so bendy."
"You know," Jared says slowly, taking another sip of his drink and nearly making himself dizzy as his eyes try to follow the rapid thrusting of Jensen's body into Misha's, "this actually explains quite a lot."
"This will make my daughter very happy," Kol grins. "Although I may do some editing before I give her the video."
"Any chance I can get a copy of this?" Eric asks.
Jared looks at him, eyes narrowing before he grins. "Season seven DVD extras?" he says.
Eric nods. "Season seven DVD extras," he confirms, matching Jared's grin as they clink their glasses together. Record sales, here they come.