Tommy sat on the large chair in the music room as Ravi carefully set up the video camera and tripod. Tommy hadn’t told him exactly what he was doing, but he was pretty sure that Ravi had an idea. He needed to do this, and he needed to do it alone. He hadn’t even told Adam about this, he wanted it to be there for him when he was gone.
“All set up for you, Tommy. I’ll just be downstairs, call me when you are done okay?” Ravi said quietly before squeezing his shoulder gently as he left the room.
Tommy took a long deep breath, looking into the camera, deciding where to begin. There was so much he wanted to say to everyone. Things he needed to tell them, to make sure they really knew how much he loved and cared for them once he was gone.
He thought back to when he had found out he was dying, the decision to keep it between close friends and family hadn’t been an easy one, but he knew the fans deserved something. Their support had meant so much to him, and now he knew Adam would need it even more.
He pressed play and looked up into the camera, trying his best to smile.
“Um, hi. So I know you guys haven’t seen me for quite some time, I miss that. And I get your tweets and your mail and I love it all. But there is something I need to tell you, something that I hope you won’t hate us for keeping from you. I found out seven months ago that I’m dying. If you are seeing this, then I’m gone….”
Tommy choked out the words of love to his fans as he asked them to keep loving Adam.
Tommy made a video for his mom and his sister. He made a special one just for his niece. He made one for Sophie and Isaac who were like his second family and who he knew would have to keep Adam from falling apart. He made one for his friends and his adopted glamily.
He left Adam’s video until the very last. It was going to be the hardest one to do. He didn’t know how to put everything he was feeling in his heart and soul into a video that seemed to not be enough.
Pressing play, he began.
“You asked me to keep this between us, to let you love me for as long as you could. I haven’t regretted one moment of that. I regret that I sleep so much. I feel like I’m losing time with you. I regret that everything we dreamed of was cut so short.
I don’t even know how to tell you how much you mean to me, Adam. I don’t know how to put into words how you changed my life for the better. I wish I could just let you into my heart and just let you feel it all.”
Adam’s video was the longest and Tommy was sure he had rambled on for most of it. He let the silent tears flow as he talked and just hoped everything he needed to say was there and that Adam really understood.
He called for Ravi to come get the camera. When he was finally alone again, he put the card into the computer, saving the files. He wrote a letter to Adam explaining to him how his world, public and private was locked away on this card. Now it was up to Adam as to how much he really shared.