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Hey Mister: She's My Sister

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For some reason one of the ADs gets it into his head that Elaine and Katie are sisters, despite the fact that Elaine's accent comes out in full force between scenes and Katie likes to grope her in ways distinctly unlike a sister in full view of the entire set.

But Katie gropes everyone indiscriminately—she even slaps Jim Beaver on the ass after the final take of Sheriff Mills' death scene, calling him a fucking badass before wrapping him in a hug he pretends not to enjoy—so Elaine tries not to let it get to her.

Not that she doesn't like it: she does. That's kind of the whole problem.

Katie's sweet and wicked and the most casually glamorous person Elaine's ever met, so she tries to tamp down her ridiculous crush when, after about a week of filming, Katie pronounces Elaine the most interesting person on set in such an offhand way that Elaine doesn't believe her at first. But Katie's there all the time, showing up at her trailer between takes with a box of doughnuts and a rueful smile; bringing Elaine a fresh cup of coffee when she ventures to craft services; always with an affectionate kiss on the cheek and kind words when Elaine finishes an especially difficult scene. It only fuels the misconception that they're sisters, the warmth with which they interact, and incrementally Elaine allows herself to believe that there might have been some truth to Katie's casually offered words after all.

She finds herself wondering when Trish is going to get killed off. Abby makes it to the end; everyone knows it even though nobody's confirmed it. But Trish isn't the main character, could be killed off at any time, and though her job is unofficially secure Elaine finds herself as nervous as the rest of the cast at the start of each episode shoot, throwing glances at Katie every fifty seconds to make sure Karim "the Assassin" Zreik hasn't pulled her aside for a quiet chat.

About halfway through filming episode six, Katie shows up on set with a box containing everything Elaine's ever acted in, declaring her intent to watch all of it by the time Trish gets killed off. And although Elaine cringes when she sees how small the stack of movies and tv series physically is, she doesn't think much of it—just rolls her eyes, calls Katie a freak and slings popcorn at her before going back to her own trailer for a nap. She forgets all about until a few days later, when she finds herself naked, sprawled across the couch in her trailer with Katie draped over her, fingers taking Elaine apart with her characteristic determination and focus.

Then Katie dips her head down to brush at the shell of Elaine's ear, breath hot as she whispers you pearl—you pearl. Surprised laughter rips through Elaine and Katie keeps a straight face for about three seconds before she cracks up too, fingers forgotten inside Elaine's body.

"Shut up," Elaine tells her, trying to catch her breath. Katie just grins and curls her fingers, rubbing the smooth pad of her thumb against Elaine's clit. "It—ah—was a very romantic moment." She thinks back to the Fingersmith shoot, giggling with Sally about the language in rehearsals only to be blown away by how it sounded in the final take.

"That's kind of the point," Katie laughs, pressing a kiss to the underside of her jaw, and Elaine knows she's completely fucked.


They make it to the second to last episode and Katie's still there, and Elaine's just beginning to hope that maybe Trish lives through everything—maybe she and Henry get married, and have kids, and live happily ever after—when Karim quietly draws Katie aside and Elaine wonders if it's too melodramatic to think she can feel her heart breaking.

"First murder we get to actually see Wakefield's accomplice commit," Katie says, excited grin threatening to take over her face, after she hurries over to Elaine's side.

Elaine schools her expression into something neutral. It's not hard; she's an actress and she's been prepping for this day for almost four months. "Did Karim tell you who it was?"

"Yep. You're going to like it," Katie tells her, eyes sparkling with the secret literally everyone in the cast has been dying to know, and Elaine hates it.

"No, I'm not," she answers, and pulls Katie close, cupping her cheek before kissing her without the slightest regard to who might be watching. She pulls back just as quickly, stunned by her own actions—this wasn't in the script for The Day Katie Finds Out She's Leaving—but Katie doesn't look surprised at all, just rests her forehead against Elaine's and smiles.

It's something different and new for them; a step beyond how they normally behave in public, and it feels huge even though nobody notices them and nothing changes.

Nothing changes. Everything changes. And Elaine doesn't know what to do.


It's chilly in the forest where they shoot Trish's death scene; chilly and a little damp, and for four hours Elaine watches from just off-camera in a winter jacket as Katie tears through the woods barefoot in a strapless wedding gown and never once gives any impression that she's cold. She ruins dress after dress with mud and blood and the head make-up artist swoops in after every take to fix the makeup that runs with her honest-to-goodness tears.

They shoot from every angle conceivable to man, some more than once, in an effort to capture as many usable takes as possible from which to pull the few, most perfect shots of Trish discovering the ultimate betrayal of the man she loved. Elaine watches with a mix of pride and trepidation; for Katie's sake she wishes they would hurry up and wrap already, but at the same time, as long as Trish keeps getting stabbed by her fiance that means Katie's not packing her things and leaving the set. Leaving Elaine.

When the director calls cut and wrap (finally, finally), Katie stays sprawled on the ground, propping herself up on one elbow and giving Elaine a wink. She looks exhausted and drained but totally exhilarated at the same time, and Elaine hurries to her side, unable to stay away any longer. As she kneels in the dirt she sees the little shiver that Katie tries to suppress and instinct makes her take off her coat and wrap it around Katie. Katie sits up just enough to shrug it over her shoulders, holding it closed by the throat like a goddamn model as she leans forward to capture Elaine's lips in a kiss.

"Thanks," Katie says, and Elaine brushes her bangs out of her eyes and kisses her again, and profoundly does not care what anyone watching thinks about sisters.