“Dearly beloved…” Danny starts. They’re all gathered around the toilet. It’s a tiny bathroom in a Holiday Inn somewhere near Indianapolis and they can’t all fit inside; Joey can only peer over Jonathan’s shoulder from outside the doorway.
“Oh my god,” Jordan interrupts, rolling his eyes. “It’s a fish.”
“Yeah, but he was my fish, and I want to do this right.” Danny glares at Jordan until he looks down, but he still makes scoffing noises under his breath and nudges Donnie, who stifles a laugh.
“Yeah, Jordan, lay off,” Jonathan says, and Jordan quiets down. Donnie does too. Everyone turns back to the toilet bowl, eyes fixed on the tiny, lifeless orange body suspended in a green fish tank net over the water. "I can’t see," Joey whispers, but no one pays him any attention.
“Dearly beloved,” Danny continues more firmly. “We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Mustard. He was a good fish. A brave fish.” Jordan snickers and Jonathan elbows him. Ow, Jordan says, but he shuts up.
“Goodbye, Mustard,” Danny says. “Rest in peace.” He upends the net over the surface of the water. He has to shake it a little before Mustard slips free and falls into the water with a plop.
“Should we sing something?” Joey asks.
“Does anyone know Amazing Grace?” Donnie asks, and Jordan sings the first couple of lines before admitting that’s all he knows. Instead they all say amen, Joey crossing himself for good measure.
“I hope his tank in fish heaven has a cool diver or a treasure chest,” Donnie says as he and Jordan and Joey file out.
“Or one of those clams with a pearl in it!” Joey offers. The sounds of the video game they had been playing start up again from the room, a steady beep beep boooop.
“Poor Mustard,” Jonathan says sadly once they’re gone. Danny nods.
“I never should have brought him on tour.” Then he reaches out and presses the handle. Mustard swirls around the bowl until he disappears with a gurgle. Jonathan claps him on the shoulder and Danny switches off the light as they move out the door. Maybe tomorrow he’ll ask if they can stop at a fish store on their way out of town.