In a single moment, everything could change.
It was a single moment in which the accident occurred. Dave had been driving Blaine to work when the truck came barreling into them. It had spun the car around and sent them crashing into a light post. Blaine's side of the car had taken the blow from the post. He had been unconscious for some time with severe injuries. Dave hadn't even lost consciousness and had only come out of it with minor cuts and bruises.
It only took a single moment for Blaine to open his eyes, when he finally woke up. In that moment, Dave realized that Blaine had absolutely no memory of the past ten years. "Karofsky?" he asked, using Dave's last name, something he hadn't called him by in forever. "What are you doing here?" It was then that doctors pieced together the fact that Blaine's brain had regressed to his second year of college. Dave hadn't become part of Blaine's life again until a few months before both of their graduation dates.
They had become friends easily then. Dave was out of the closet and far away from his senior year suicide attempt. Blaine was sweet, lovable and still had a lot more experience in the "ways of the gay." He helped Dave out of a lot of uncomfortable situations. Now, a couple years out of school, they were close friends. The only problem was Aaron. Blaine was dating Aaron, a man who Dave immediately hated. He knew deep down in his heart that the bruises he found on Blaine's body had been made by that man's hands. Blaine was also about five months pregnant with Aaron's child.
It was a miracle that both Blaine and his unborn child had survived the crash. Blaine also didn't remember Aaron or the obvious abuse he denied to Dave and anyone else who would listen. Dave had taken control of the moment and within that very moment he made a huge mistake on instinct.
"Oh God Blaine, you don't remember," he whispered, concocting an instant lie. "Blaine, it's been almost ten years since then. You're almost twenty-eight. You and I have been together… like…five years now…"
The lie had been formed in an instant, but Dave built on it as they learned that the baby inside of Blaine had survived the accident unharmed. He and Blaine had met toward the end of college (which wasn't a lie) and really hit it off (which was also a truth). They had become close, fallen in love and had been dating for about two years. Blaine was pregnant with his child, something they were both worried but excited about. It was a horrible thing to do, and oh-so-wrong, but nothing that Dave had ever been able to say had convinced Blaine that Aaron was horrible and he didn't have to take the abuse. Blaine had never even once admitted to Dave that there was abuse going on in his life, but he knew.
As they sat in the hospital, Dave holding Blaine's hand, Blaine looked up at him with wonder in his eyes.
"It's crazy," he whispered softly, eyelashes fluttering. His face was badly bruised and Dave was sure that he was on serious pain medication. "The last time I saw you, it was at the end of the school year. I was so worried about you, even though it seemed like you had made so much progress from…your suicide attempt."
Dave had just nodded at Blaine, smiling softly. "I'm a much different man than I was back then," he said and that wasn't a lie. He had the hardest time imagining what was going through his head when he was seventeen, broken and ready to die. He might not have been the happiest guy in the world, but he loved and appreciated everything that life was made of. "I'm so glad that you're okay Blaine. I'm so glad that you're both okay. I was so afraid that I'd lose you." Blaine looked into his eyes and Dave looked back, for a moment, not afraid because he wasn't lying. He had been terrified for Blaine and the baby.
Dave did what he had to do to make sure his lie wasn't found out. It wasn't that difficult. Aaron was a classic abusive boyfriend, keeping Blaine from the people who loved him, so he had few friends. Dave rearranged the small apartment he lived in, printed out a few of the pictures he and Blaine had taken together, and well, it sort of became their place.
He also found that it was very easy to act like Blaine's boyfriend. He held his hand while the doctors examined him, kissed him goodnight and after two weeks of observation while Blaine's injuries healed. He was gentle and very, very casual, just giving Blaine the slightest of kisses, holding his hand gently. He even started talking to the baby when he got more comfortable. He told Blaine how excited he was to give birth, not adding the fact that he knew Blaine was afraid at the same time. "Baby's gonna be the luckiest kid in the world if I have it my way," he said with a smirk. He wanted to protect Blaine and the baby. That was the most important part of all.
After two weeks of observation, Dave took the pregnant boy to his home. It was now their home, as his lie unfolded a little bit deeper. He knew he'd die if Blaine ever found out, but right now he was going to pray it never happened. Blaine had never deserved the pain he endured and now he wouldn't have to. He took Blaine home, relishing in the fact that Blaine's abuser would never find him again. He knew that Aaron never knew much about him, because if he did, he would have taken Blaine from Dave too.
"I'm ready to go home," Blaine said, taking a deep breath and looking into Dave's eyes with trust. It was trust Dave didn't deserve, but all the same, he had never seen Blaine's eyes so at ease.
The cab they took pulled up at Dave's apartment. Blaine tentatively leaned his head against Dave's shoulder as they arrived. Dave was sure that his lie was going to be exposed, but he tried his best to remain calm. "Now, don't freak out over the small size," Dave warned Blaine, chiding him gently, like a lover would. It was just too easy to act like he'd loved Blaine for years. "I know that you hate it, but we've been working to get better."
Blaine nodded with a childish wonder in his eyes that made Dave feel so damned guilty. The cab driver opened the door and Dave got out first so that he could help Blaine. Blaine's stomach clearly showed his predicament. Blaine gripped his arm tightly as they walked up to the door. Dave opened it with his key, swallowing and praying to a God he wasn't sure he believed in that he wasn't exposed for the rotten liar that he was, at least not yet.
They walked into the apartment together. Dave turned on the light, watching as Blaine blinked. He frowned and squinted, like he was trying so hard to remember. He frowned, when he evidently couldn't, and continued to look around. "It may be small," Blaine said, "but I can't imagine ever complaining about this place. It just feels comfortable. I feel like I'm home, really, Dave. It's amazingly…warm and home-like."
Dave felt the guilt rise up in his chest again as Blaine spoke, but at the same time he felt reassured that he did the right thing. Blaine felt at home with him, even though he had never called the place home before. Blaine had never felt safe in his own home. Even if Dave was an awful person, it would work. It would work and Blaine and the baby would be happy and taken care of.
The rest of the day they spent together was very peaceful. Blaine tried so hard to remember and Dave assured him that the memories would come to him, while simultaneously praying that they never did. That night Dave watched Blaine sleep and thought about the past. He thought about the way Blaine would hide the bruises, the way that he would flinch away from an unexpected touch. Blaine looked so peaceful lying beside him. The creases of pain he always saw on Blaine's face had loosened completely. He hesitantly reached out and touched Blaine's swollen stomach. His last fight with Blaine had been about the baby.
"Why can't you admit it?" he had asked Blaine, desperately. He had been so desperate to save Blaine and his child. He loved them both so much and they deserved better than the life he knew they had. "Why do you refuse to admit that he's hurting you?"
Blaine faltered. "David, stop, he's not…" He trailed off, unable to deny the truth. He had looked so scared and so alone. Dave felt so sorry for him but at the same time he was angry. It made him feel so completely helpless.
"It's not just you anymore," he said, stepping forward and yanking down Blaine's collar. A dark bruise peeked up from underneath the shirt. "It's the baby too. What if he hits you and this time your kid, not you, pays the price?" Dave knew that it was a low blow, but he had to say it. He watched, guilty, as pain washed over Blaine's handsome features.
"Aaron will not hurt me or the baby, David," Blaine said firmly, tears welling up in his eyes. "He loves us." Dave touched his shoulder and watched as Blaine flinched. He wanted to help, but Blaine was so damned stubborn. "Do not talk to me if you can't respect the baby's father, David. I want you to be a huge part of our life, but do not disrespect Aaron like that, okay? He works hard and he's…he's a good man!" With that, Blaine had run off, making Dave feel like he'd never be able to do anything to save the people he cared about.
Was it really any wonder that he had made the choice to lie? He finally had an out, an opportunity to save Blaine from his boyfriend's manipulative grasp. He finally had a chance to give the baby who had yet to be born a chance to have a good life. He could do everything and it was all because of some part of Blaine's memory that had been erased by an unfortunate car accident. If that made him a bad person, well then he sucked.
Dave very gently touched Blaine's stomach, wondering if he actually loved Blaine. He had been toying with the idea of having feelings for Blaine for awhile. Blaine was such a good person, even if a lot of his spirit had been destroyed by his horrible boyfriend. There was always a love in his heart for Blaine. He hoped that it was the right kind of love. He sighed a little bit and then got up. He had some things to do.
Dave did everything for Blaine. The next day, he made dinner while Blaine took a nap. Yes, he slept a lot, but the doctor said that was to be expected as he came off of the medications he'd been given in the hospital. He smiled at the disoriented boy as he walked into the kitchen, sniffing and smiling. "Does dinner smell good?" Dave asked hopefully, giving Blaine a smile that he hoped came off as genuine and not nervous and hesitant. Blaine smiled back, something that was genuinely forced as well. He was nervous but he was trying to act happy.
"It smells great," he said quickly. "I am so hungry. I think that the hospital food wasn't nearly enough for my hungry little child here." He walked across the room and sat down at the table across from Dave. Dave broke into a smile and then carried the plates out to the table for them, sitting across from him. They started eating their dinner and everything seemed to be working just fine until Blaine reached out across the table and grabbed his hand.
It was the simplest gesture but it meant so much to him. By holding his hand, Blaine was clinging to something safe, something secure. Blaine's safety net was a man who was lying to him.
Blaine slept well in the bed that he and David shared. It was comfortable, but not familiar in the slightest. He hated the feeling of disconnect. After Dave got up for work, Blaine laid in bed, trying to remember. He stroked his stomach. Even if the rest of his memories were gone, he should have remembered his own baby.
He was having a baby and he could not remember a thing. His emotions surged and a lump formed in his throat. It was evident that the child had a lot of love. Dave must have been a great father. Blaine couldn't imagine how one man could make so much progress in his life but he had seen the love in his eyes. "Your daddy must love you so, so very much," he whispered to his stomach.
He thought about the years he missed. Dave only gave him a little at a time, for fear of jolting him into remembering too fast, but it at least pieced together a solid story. He had broken up with Kurt during his senior year of high school. Kurt, according to Dave, had gone on to a very successful career in fashion design. It wasn't quite the dream he had in high school, but it came naturally. Dave said they still emailed back and forth now and again, but weren't in solid contact.
He and Dave had met at the end of college and started dating. They had been tentative and nervous first but they had just hit it off. Dave worked as a counselor and Blaine had been between jobs but held a degree in music education. He wanted to become a high school music teacher after the baby was born. It seemed very…realistic, but he knew that his head was ten years younger. It was so aggravating.
He was still exhausted. It took him the strong urge to go to the bathroom to get out of bed. He crawled out of bed reluctantly, yawning and rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He stretched and then went to use the restroom. He finished and walked into the living room. He wished he could remember something, anything from his past with David. He stepped over to the television. Next to it there was a framed picture of them. It seemed pretty recent, but even understanding his face was hard enough.
He saw the lines on his face, he saw the dark circles. He wasn't eighteen anymore. He didn't get it at all. It was terrifying, but at least he had Dave.
He wondered if he had anyone else. He was pretty sure that at the age he was at, he would have cut his family out of his life. He had never been close to them as a teenager and was pretty much waiting for the day their familial relationships would fall apart. He hadn't had that many friends in high school. The Warbler guys? His friends from New Directions? He frowned, feeling very insecure. He had a feeling he'd be counting the hours until Dave got home to find out if he had anyone else.
Panic almost overtook Blaine, spending the day alone. He was physically alone, yes, but the worst feeling was the loneliness in his head. He had nothing but teenaged memories to accompany him. Everything he knew was something that had been real ten years earlier.
When Dave finally returned, he hugged the man tightly, terrified. "Blaine, sweetie," he said delicately. "What on earth is wrong?"
"Just...lonely," he said, breathing in Dave's scent. It was oddly familiar, unless that was just his mind playing with him too. He had no way of really knowing and he hated it. The other man's arms tightly wrapped around him, Blaine felt safe. He let go only slightly, to lean over and kiss Dave gently. He noticed a slight shock in Dave's eyes. At first, he thought that was strange, but he decided quickly that Dave was being respectful of his muddled mind.
"You're not alone," Dave assured him delicately. Blaine sighed a little bit. He hated being treated like he was fragile, or well, at least the old Blaine had felt that way. He wasn't sure what kind of person he was now. Dave moved them to the sofa and Blaine just breathed easier, but he had so many questions. He didn't even know how to think, nevertheless question his boyfriend.
"Do I have anyone but you?" he blurted out, the immediately rephrased the stupid question. "Do I have friends? Do I talk to my family?"
Dave seemed tense and somewhat sad. "You fell out with your family a long time ago."
"I kind of expected that…"
Dave nodded slowly. "Yeah," he said. "You still talk to some of those Dalton kids from high school, mostly online and you have college friends. I'll get in contact with them too."
"Awesome," he mumbled blankly. He sighed and clung a little bit harder, holding Dave's arm. Everything was just so confusing! He wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't sure when he would get the person back that he once was. He just wanted to be himself again, but he wasn't sure who that was.
Dave hated himself. How was he going to explain to Blaine that he'd lost most of his friendships because of Aaron? How was he going to get Blaine's friends to see him when they knew the truth and would reveal Dave's lie? He was such an awful liar and he couldn't help hate himself for it. He had nobody to go to.
He had friends, but nobody who would understand. There was nobody that he could confide in over his heinous actions. There was no sane person on earth who would be okay with manipulating an amnesiac pregnant man into a relationship. He shouldn't have lied. He shouldn't have manipulated Blaine. All he had to do was tell Blaine how much he loved him and wanted him safe. He could have used the accident as a way to get into Blaine's mind, uncorrupted by Aaron's abuse.
Dave kept up his day to day. He went to work as a youth counselor, a job in which he couldn't exactly slack off. It was hard, however, to help his kids when his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Blaine. He was really scared that Blaine's memories would come back to him. He was alone with his own lies and deception and he was honestly starting to hate himself more by the second.
It got even worse when Blaine started to initiate boyfriend-like contact. After work, just a week into the charade, Blaine joined him on the sofa and started to kiss him. He was practically on Dave's lap. When Dave pushed him away, his look vaguely resembled that of a kicked puppy. "Is something wrong?" Blaine asked delicately. He looked scared, afraid that he had done something inappropriate. Dave felt terrible. "Should I…"
Dave stopped him with a gentle, chaste kiss and a lie. "No, I just…I felt weird about you doing that kinda stuff when you don't remember. It's like I'm taking advantage of you." It was sick, when he considered that the real way he was manipulating Blaine was much worse.
"Oh…" Blaine mumbled. "Well, yeah, I don't remember it, but I know how I feel about you. I hoped it would bring back some good memories."
Dave was pretty sure that the only thing kissing him would bring back for Blaine was the realization that he'd never had feelings for Dave. He would realize this was wrong and that they had never been together. Still, he grimly leaned forward and pressed his lips to Blaine's. The kiss had a lot of love in it, but it didn't disguise the fact that there were lies in the gesture as well. The romantic kiss was seeping with lies…
After a day more days passed, Dave took Blaine to a doctor. Since Blaine was a grown man, they took him alone. Dave was left sitting alone in the waiting room with his thoughts and worries. He worried about Blaine, the baby, their health and their future. He was waiting for the stupid lie to crumble, but it hadn't yet.
The time spent alone in the hospital made Blaine feel terrible.
Dave was the only thing that he had. He didn't like being alone, but the doctor had insisted for some reason. They ran a few more scans, still unable to believe that he was pretty healthy considering the fact that his memories were gone. There was obviously some head trauma, so they took every kind of brain scan imaginable, but Blaine just sat back and let them do it. He tried to stay calm.
As he got scanned, poked and prodded, Blaine couldn’t help think about the Sadie Hawkins dance in his freshman year of high school. He had been so scared when he woke up in that hospital. He had been hurt worse then, which was kind of scary considering the car crash's severity. He had broken bones, head trauma, cuts and bruises. His date had been even worse off. It was so stupid, but he only felt like it was three years ago and that brought tears to his eyes – how could it have been thirteen?
After the plethora of tests and scans were done, a nurse came to him with his chart. She pulled up a chair by the small cot-like hospital bed in which he sat on. "Mr. Anderson," she said. "How are you feeling?"
"As good as can be expected," Blaine mumbled. They all knew what was wrong with him. Asking him how he was, it was just funny considering the situation.
She nodded. "Have any of your memories returned?"
"No," he said dully.
She reached out and touched his arm. "You have to give these things time," she said tenderly. "I just wanted to talk to you about some of the information that came back in your scans. You seem to be very healthy, minus the obvious. The internal bleeding from the crash has subsided completely and there is no organ damage whatsoever. The brain trauma is always a concern but aside from your memory loss you seem to be responding fine."
"What's the 'but' to this?" Blaine asked. He could sense it in the way she was looking at him.
"Well we've noticed some curious injury…past injury…"
Blaine didn't know how to take the information. Evidently he had recently healed broken bones. He had a history of breaks, fractures and even had some inner ear problems that had been caused by a blow to the head. The hospital staff had been very concerned and had even tried to contact other local hospitals for information, since, given his condition he couldn't give it to them himself.
"I don't know what the cause is, sweetie," the nurse said gently, "but it looks mighty suspicious. A lot of these injury patterns mimic that seen in abuse victims…"
Was he being abused? If he'd been abused the only person who could have done it was Dave. That was stupid. Dave was not the type of person who could hurt a soul. That was just the dumbest thing that he had ever heard. Blaine rolled his eyes. "I…wouldn't know if someone was abusive to me, now would I?" he asked her, much harsher than he'd intended it to come out. It was true though. He was helpless.
The moment Blaine walked out of the waiting room, he saw Dave. The tests had taken several hours, but of course the man had waited. He was that dedicated and that wonderful. There was no way that he could have ever done anything to hurt Blaine. His eyes lit up when he saw Blaine appear and he immediately got to his feet. "Blaine," he said. "How are you doing? How's the baby? What did the doctor say?"
Blaine almost found it hard to answer. He was too busy thinking about what he'd found out and how it related to Dave. "The baby is doing fine," he said. "I'm very lucky there was no damage to my abdominal area at all. I did have some bleeding when the accident occurred but the doctor says that's cleared up." He nodded slowly.
"What about the MRI? The brain stuff…"
"Well obviously there was some damage," Blaine said. He knew that his voice sounded dark and cynical, but he was thinking about dark things. "Everything seems to be healing though. They're still unsure if I'll ever get my full memory back. There may be some partial regain soon, though, I hope."
He gauged Dave's reaction to that. Dave seemed optimistic but there was some hesitance in his tone. "Oh Blaine that's fantastic," he said. It seemed to be sincere. Blaine just didn't know what to think, however. "Can you go home now?"
Blaine nodded, slowly. "I need to come back in a week," he said, looking at Dave. "Let's go." He didn't want to suspect Dave of anything awful, but he wanted answers. He just didn't know how to find the answers without directly asking Dave, which instinct told him was a very, very bad idea. He needed to figure this out on his own.
The entire drive home was quiet. There was a tense silence between them, something that Blaine couldn't stand. He couldn't find it in him to speak, however. He was just too exhausted and honestly scared. He wasn't sure that he was scared Dave was hurting him or anything serious like that, either. He was just scared of not knowing.
"Blaine, are you okay?"
Dave's words made him open his eyes. "Yes, I'm fine," he said softly. "I'm just really drained and that doctor's appointment got to me."
After they returned from the doctor's office, Dave had things to do for work, so Blaine let him go off to the bedroom and started looking around the apartment. He searched for anything that indicated he lived there, but aside from pictures and a few books with his name on the inside cover he found little. Didn't he have any personal items? He frowned and continued to search, his frustration growing.
Not knowing anything about who he had been in the last ten years was driving Blaine insane. He knew basic facts – where he went to college, what for, what he planned on doing, but he didn't know any of the little details that made him human.
He confronted Dave after he got off the phone. "David," he said, hesitant with wording because he didn't want to alert Dave to any of his suspicions. "I have a question for you."
Dave looked up at him and nodded a little bit. He gave a smile that seemed oddly fake. Blaine didn't know if he was just being paranoid. Blaine didn't know anything. "What is it?" he asked, his tone friendly. Dave was just trying to be friendly, right?
"I was kind of looking around," Blaine said delicately. "I was looking for some personal items, anything that might have been mine before the accident. I needed to see it because, you know, I was hoping maybe touching and seeing things that belong to me would help me remember. I…" He didn't know why he was making so many excuses for his actions when he was completely justified. Where was his confidence?
"Oh, well you moved in not long ago and most of your stuff is in a storage unit. We didn't have a ton of room. We can head down there this weekend and go get it."
Blaine paused, not expecting that. Dave had given him a perfectly reasonable explanation. "Yeah let's go on Friday," he said, nodding up and down slowly. It was just three days away. He would find out more about himself and piece together the parts of who he was that were inexplicably missing from the puzzle.
That night he dreamed he was cowering. He was sobbing, hysterically and trying to protect himself from being beaten. He was pleading while the blows rained down on top of him. It hurt, but what hurt worse than the physical pain was the betrayal. The man, whom he could not see or sense, had apologized. He'd said that it would never happen again and Blaine had believed him. The pain became a blur until all he could do was whimper out, "I'm sorry."
He decided when he woke up panting that Friday could not come soon enough.
Blaine waited for Friday, when he and Dave would visit the storage unit, desperately. He was too lost in his thoughts and absolutely nothing was coming back. He tried his best to remember any and everything, but the only memories his mind went back to happened a decade earlier. He remembered Dalton and how good it felt to put on a show with the Warblers. He remembered finally telling Kurt how he felt about him. Their first kiss played in his mind over and over again to the point where it was hard to believe that the kiss had occurred forever ago. He remembered transferring to McKinley, his interactions with Dave. He remembered the way his heart had sunk into his stomach when Kurt told him tearfully that Dave had attempted suicide.
That was all he had.
Friday finally rolled around and Blaine was filled with relieve, but at the same time a terrible set of nerves. What if what he found left him with no answers? Even worse, what if what he found worsened the uneasiness he felt or confirmed the fact that someone had been hurting him? Blaine sat in the passenger seat of Dave's car, running a hand over his stomach and shaking his head from side to side. Dave would never hurt him. Dave loved him and the baby. He was a good guy.
"Blaine, are you absolutely sure you wanna go there?" Dave asked tensely. He looked at Blaine with concern and love in his eyes. This was why Blaine was convinced that Dave could not be hurting him; Dave loved him too much. "I don't know what you put away in there and it might trigger you into something."
"Uh, that's sort of what I want," Blaine said, looking out the window to quell his nerves. "I need my memories back. It's my identity Dave. I don't even know what about me has changed in the last ten years. People generally change from their teens to the point where they're pushing thirty!"
"Yes, they generally do…" Dave said, his tone a little darker than Blaine would have liked. "I can assure you though, Blaine, that a lot of who you were, that's still who you are. You're a great guy who never needed to change."
"That's flattering, Dave," Blaine said, because it really was. He sighed and looked back to his partner, giving him a comforting smile. He sighed deeply and continued to caress his oversized abdomen. Not only had he woken up with no sense of identity, but he had woken up with zero memory of being with child. That was the scariest thing in the universe.
When they arrived at the storage units, they were greeted by an old woman who looked at them oddly. Blaine had to assume that it was because of his predicament. Male pregnancies were exceedingly rare and he was just one of the genetically lucky few. "Hello," he said softly, shyly. "We need a little bit of help. I don't remember which of my keys is the right…"
"The orange one," she said, as he held out his key ring. Blaine had to laugh a little bit at that. At least that was made easier. "It has your number on it, even."
Blaine gave her his ID and they walked out to the unit, which was number 313. He opened the door and pushed it open. Inside the unit, all of the things were packed into neat boxes except for one thing – his guitar. Blaine immediately gravitated toward the item, an acoustic guitar that he didn't own as a teenager, but felt a sudden draw to. He had always wanted to buy a nicer one than the one he had.
"Why would I leave this here?" he asked, picking it up and putting it into his hands. His music had always been such an important part of his life and even if he and Dave were living in a smaller apartment than suited their needs… There was very little that could ever take his music away from him.
"I don't know Blaine," he said. "You hadn't been playing as much as usual lately…"
Dave seemed so nervous, as if he thought something wrong was going to happen while they were there. Blaine didn't like the way that his nerves seemed to be escalating. He walked though the unit and decided on a box to open. He opened a large one, finding only clothing items in it. There was nothing that stood out for him and the only thing he learned was that his clothing style hadn't changed much from high school.
The next box he opened up contained books. They were pretty generic titles – classics and some music books – nothing among them really spoke to Blaine or helped him out any.
He searched box after box and only found items that would be shoved into a storage container. Excess items, things he didn't need any more but couldn't stand to part with…things that you would put in storage if you had some concerns about space issues. He was starting to consider giving up when he saw a box that was labeled "Photos and Albums." His heart leapt and he immediately dove for it.
"Be careful Blaine," Dave said. "Triggering too many memories could be really, really traumatizing and I don't want you to stress too much. It will hurt the baby…"
Blaine ignored Dave's concern and opened the box up. He found a Dalton Academy yearbook with a couple of extra pictures tucked inside. It made his heart hurt, thinking about the friends that he obviously had no contact with anymore. His eyes welled up with tears. A lot of the pictures were older, things that wouldn't do a single thing to affect his memory. He saw pictures of Kurt, of New Directions performing. He saw pictures that represented the boy he still thought he was.
Eventually he found pictures of the man he was. He was older and there was sadness in his eyes. He eventually found a picture that made him stop and stare, hard. In the picture he was with some women, who looked absolutely unfamiliar to him, but it wasn't the women who drew him to the picture. In the picture, he was trying to conceal it, but it was obvious that he was sporting a black eye.
"Dave," he said, calling the man closer. "Who are these people?"
"Oh," Dave mumbled, looking around awkwardly and then back at the photograph. "I think those were friends of yours from school."
"What happened to my eye?"
Dave frowned a little bit. "That was a little bit before we were dating, I think," he said, looking at the picture. "Quite the shiner…"
"Yeah…" Blaine murmured, closing his eyes and trying to provoke some kind of memory to the foreground. Why was it that no memory would come?
Overall, the trip to the storage unit proved to be pretty useless. The picture was the closest as he felt to any realization about himself and the way that he had been treated in the past. Everything else was just the kind of stuff that a guy without room would stick in a storage unit. He checked out his guitar at Dave's insistence, but honestly, he felt absolutely, positively hopeless in the end.
Blaine was very disappointed upon their return from the storage unit and Dave understood why. The reason Blaine was so upset was the reason that he himself was relieved. He hadn't found anything worthy of triggering a memory. The only thing that had come close was the picture, but that hadn't done any damage. Blaine hadn't recovered any of his memories by visiting the storage unit. Dave was pretty messed up in the fact that he was relieved by that. He couldn't handle that.
Dave watched as Blaine sat, strumming at the acoustic guitar he'd brought home. He supposed that by eighteen Blaine already had an innate musical talent that had nothing to do with memory, because the light sounds coming from the guitar were amazing. Blaine looked so dejected, his eyes full of unshed tears. He was exhausted and tired of not remembering and Dave could sense this.
He was the worst person alive. Blaine was alone in the world and desperate to gain some sort of memory of his life and here he was thankful that he hadn't. He loved Blaine, he truly did, but he was hoping for him to stay in darkness. He was hoping for Blaine to stay as absolutely miserable as he was at the moment. "That sounds amazing," he said to Blaine, hearing the choked up sound of his own voice.
"It really needs tuning," Blaine said with a look up at Dave. He tried to conceal his misery but Dave had already seen it. "It's also extremely hard to play with this beach ball in between me and the guitar."
"Hey that beach ball is our child," Dave said with a playful smile that he hoped hid the fact that he wanted to cry. He was such a liar. The child wasn't and would never belong to him. It was Blaine's baby alone. He was the scum of the earth trying to pretend that he was the child's father. He sucked. He was just a pretty bad person, as much as he wanted to deny it. He smiled as Blaine played around with the guitar and then walked away so that he wouldn’t cry.
The rest of that night went pretty quietly. They ate dinner together and ended up watching some cheesy movie on TV. They were cuddled up close and Blaine smelled nice and it was comforting, despite the uneasiness that was never going to go away. Things, however, started to get very awkward when the movie ended. Blaine very tentatively pressed a kiss to Dave's neck, hands slipping down his side to his waist.
"What are you doing?" Dave asked, tensing up completely. He pulled back at the touch.
"I was just…" Blaine looked a little bit shocked and a lot guilty. "I just…I guess it's hormones or something. I just thought that you and I…since we…" He was rambling and now Dave felt more like crap than he had before. God, he could never win. Was Blaine really propositioning him for sex? His head spun a little bit at that and he looked into Blaine's gentle, sincere eyes. They were so pretty.
Dave almost wished that he could indulge Blaine. After all, he was supposed to be given Blaine the illusion that they were together. He knew, however, that a sexual encounter with Blaine would be crossing a line. He had already made so many unforgivable mistakes. He didn't think that was one that he could make. "Blaine, I totally read about pregnancies doing that to you, but I don't think you and I going there right now would be a good idea."
"Why not?" Blaine asked his tone almost desperate. Dave couldn't believe that the other man was actually pouting at him. He looked like some kind of hurt puppy. Dave actually felt guilty for denying him and leaned over to kiss him in apology. Blaine kissed him back but that annoyed, upset expression was still there. He couldn't imagine how frustrating it must have been to live Blaine's life at that moment.
"You've been hurt," he said, another lie. "You're having a baby and you don't remember anything. I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm physically fine," Blaine told him, reaching down and clasping his hand with Dave's. Dave held his hand tightly, holding it to his lips before kissing it lightly. "The doctors said that there was absolutely no permanent damage to my body, despite the fact that there was bleeding when I was taken in. I'm healing up great and the baby is completely healthy. We don't even have to…just kiss me?"
That was one thing that Dave could indulge Blaine with. Kissing the other man felt so good. Dave kissed him softly, trying to convey with the small gesture all the love and adoration he felt for his beloved. Blaine was seriously the most important thing in his life. Dave knew that he was falling in love with him, even though their relationship prior to the accident had been platonic. He knew that because when he pulled away from the kiss and looked into Blaine's soulful eyes, his heart beat a little bit faster.
Blaine leaned up and pressed another, more heated kiss. There was passion between them, a spark, and Dave saw so much love in Blaine's eyes. How could he be a bad person when he saw love and happiness in the eyes that had once housed fear and pain? How could he be a bad person when he was protecting Blaine from Aaron in the only way that was offered to him? He loved Blaine.
The realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he realized that it was nothing new. He had loved Blaine when they first became friends again. He had loved Blaine when they got closer and he found out about what Aaron was doing to him. He also loved Blaine as things got bad, as they fought, as everything started to get more confusing and difficult to handle.
"Blaine, I love you."
After the first time Dave told Blaine that he loved him, things seemed to calm down in their lives. The dreams of mysterious abuse became few and far between and he and Dave started really living their lives and being a couple in love. Blaine was comfortable just getting used to living again. He didn't do much, as they'd decided he didn't need to start looking for work until after the baby was born, but he was learning the little things that made up who he was again. He and Dave became the young couple in love they were.
They didn't have full on sex, because Dave insisted he wanted to wait until after the baby was born to make sure that they were both safe, but they grew an intimacy in their relationship that Blaine was craving. He knew there was a part of his desire that was based in hormones, but he really wanted to feel a connection with a warm, living person who loved him. Dave was that person.
One Sunday when Dave wasn't working, they went out to dinner and came back to the house after in an amorous mood. Blaine sighed happily as he curled up on the couch with Dave after their night out and kissed the bigger man heatedly. The passion between them was electric, absolutely on fire. Blaine ran his hands down Dave's chest, admiring the way that his sculpted body was hidden by his clothes. He wanted him so much. He wanted to feel every single inch of the man he loved.
Blaine kissed Dave over and over again, enjoying the soft drag of their lips and tongues. He kissed him leisurely, enjoying the feeling. He was so close to having the baby and he felt big, unattractive and tired. Dave made him feel loved and wanted. He reached underneath Dave's shirt, feeling the smooth muscle there and groaning. "Dave," he said softly. "I know we have to wait until after the baby, but can I…can we at least…"
To his delight, Dave mumbled an affirmation, nodding slightly. Blaine took that as permission to take off his shirt, running his fingers over the muscles of Dave's stomach, up to his chest where he rested his flat hands there. Dave was gorgeous. He was not at all the type of boy that Blaine would have been attracted to in his teens, but he could honestly see how his taste in men had refined. Dave was gorgeous.
"You're really hot," he blurted out. He rolled his eyes at himself, unable to believe what a ridiculous awkward teenager he sounded like. That might have been where his brain was but he and Dave were both grown men.
Dave laughed at that, sticking his tongue out. "Why thank you sir," he said softly. Blaine leaned up against Dave's chest, practically sitting on top of him, but Dave didn't seem to mind. He settled his hands on Blaine's lower back, holding him there despite the fact that his pregnant stomach made him feel huge. Dave moved Blaine off of him and to his side (so strong, geez) and then they kissed again. Blaine slid his hand down Dave's waist to the bulge in his pants, wanting to please him. Dave stopped him.
"Let me," he said teasing.
Dave turned to his side on the couch and spread his legs, pulling Blaine up in between him. "You're so gorgeous," he mumbled against Blaine's neck. He stroked his hand down Blaine's swollen stomach to his pants. Blaine hated the loose pants that he had to wear now that he was heavily pregnant, but they did make Dave's job of slipping them down a little easier. "Like seriously gorgeous. Are you still turned on all the time? You mentioned pregnancy hormones earlier?"
"Way too turned on," Blaine admitted, rolling his eyes. "I don't know why this baby has amped my sex drive up to fifty-billion."
Dave pulled Blaine's cock out of his pants and Blaine blushed. He knew that this wasn't the first time he and Dave had seen each other naked, been intimate, but still he didn't remember anything before the accident. He only remembered the few times they'd tried to be intimate in the last few weeks, which were as awkward as this encounter. "You're blushing," Dave teased as he stroked a path up and down Blaine's length. "Grab the lotion over there." Blaine did what he was told and Dave lubricated his hand a bit, allowing for the slipperiness he needed.
Blaine turned his head and their mouths met in a fierce, passionate kiss. They kissed sweetly, tenderly. Dave jerked Blaine off slowly, trying to drag it out. That didn't help much because Blaine came in like five seconds. The orgasm rushed over him and made his eyes roll up into the back of his head. It was way too quick, but so good.
"Oh that was embarrassing," Blaine said with a nervous laugh. "I guess that my brain is still that of a teenager in that way too." He turned around, hoping to reciprocate Dave's actions. He no sooner got his hand on Dave's zipper though that Dave started to act tired, pulling him into his arms, cuddling him close. Blaine tried to act like it didn't bother him, pretending to fall asleep when they cuddled.
That was, of course, when he heard Dave jerking off in the bathroom. He could tell by the tiny whining sounds that he could hear through the thin walls of the apartment. "Jesus, we have a baby together," he whispered. "I get why he doesn't want to have sex with me but he could at least let me…"
He took a deep breath and tried to calm his own confusion.
A few weeks later, Blaine's frustration had reached its peak. Not to mention, he was so pregnant that he was on the verge of popping. He was grouchy and irritable. Nothing could make him less miserable than he was. He spent most of the day moping around the house, watching television and surfing online, hoping one of those actions would bring him some form of memory. It didn't. It usually just ended up sinking him into a depression over the fact that he wasn't the person he remembered being.
Blaine still had flashbacks. They were infrequent but annoying and mostly involved someone beating the shit out of him. He wanted to talk to Dave, ask him about these memories, but part of him was way too afraid to do so. He was afraid that he would find something about Dave that he wasn't prepared to learn. It wasn't like he suspected Dave of being abusive or anything…not for the most part at least.
The flashback he had while lying on the sofa one Friday evening was different. In the flashback he was fighting, not physically, with someone who was clearly Dave.
"You need to think and take care of the baby," Dave yelled, stepping forward. Blaine stepped back instinctively out of a fear that was definitely learned from years of fear. "Why can't you do that? Isn't the baby important to you?"
"Of course the baby's important…" Blaine said, but there was some reason that he was holding back and not taking care of his child.
It was brief, but the uncomfortable feeling lingered. He was unable to figure out anything about himself, about who he was and he was tired. He was about to give birth to a child when he had no idea who the man carrying it was. It wasn't right. When Dave got home from work, he confronted the man. He was tired of Blaine's lies. "You and I need to talk," Blaine said harshly. He was absolutely convinced at that point that Dave was manipulating him. He had no friends. He had no connections to the world around him aside from that which came from Dave and the baby. He was tired of being isolated.
Dave looked at him, alarmed. He seemed absolutely unprepared for the confrontation and a little bit scared of Blaine. Blaine felt badly for making Dave scared, but at the same time he was struggling with something he didn't understand. He was sort of in a far worse situation. "Blaine, what's wrong?" he asked.
"I think you're lying to me about something," he said harshly. "I've completely depended on you since the accident, so lies aren't going to work! Dave, if there's something you're not telling me about me and my past, I need to know it." He softened a little and added, "I'm strong enough to know, I promise."
"I agree," Dave said with a gentle expression on his face. He looked like he was ready to cry, which wasn't exactly the expression that Blaine was expecting."I don't really know how to explain anything though. Life is very complicated Blaine and it has always been complicated for…for you…"
"Start at the beginning," he said. "Tell me about how we met for the first time after high school ended." It would be a long story, that he understood, but it was a story he deserved the chance to hear. He needed to know the truth.
Dave nodded and walked over to the couch, stretching out. Blaine felt badly about confronting him after work, but the fact remained that he needed to know the truth. He could not handle not knowing the truth about himself. Dave smiled wearily and took Blaine by the hand. He wrapped his hand around Blaine's, really. "We were both just about to finish school and we met by total chance," he said. "It was in a coffee shop. We started talking and we just…well exchanged numbers and said that we'd stay in touch. Not like a fake stay in touch either, an actual stay in touch…"
Blaine chuckled a little at that. "I'm glad we didn't do a fake one," he said, his anger dissipating a little bit.
"We talked about high school and what we've been doing since then, but we also found that we had a lot in common. I practically fell over with excitement when I realized how much you knew about professional hockey."
Blaine smiled at that. He might not have remembered the very first meeting that he and adult Dave had, but at the same time he knew that his love for sports was something that had floored Kurt in the past. "We really hit it off?" he asked Dave, constructing the meeting in his head. He could see the coffee shop (no chain, but a tiny place) and the conversation (deep, reminiscent and sweet). He kept his head but it was nice to hear about the first meeting that he and Dave had.
"We didn't exactly become overnight best friends," Dave said, "but we ended up going out a few times, asking each other to friend's parties. It all kind of exploded from there."
"When did we start dating?" Blaine asked, trying to avoid the fact that he wasn't feeling so well. A wave of nausea and pain hit him, something that was becoming more and more common as the pregnancy progressed. He was also super paranoid, thinking that every little tick was the baby coming. The baby that he was far from prepared to have. "Was it long after that first meeting?" He wondered who asked who out. He seemed to be a little more reserved than he used to be, which was disappointing but at least meant he hadn't asked Dave out with an inappropriate serenade.
"We started dating a year and a half or so later…" Dave said, hesitantly. Blaine sensed his hesitance but didn't feel well. Dave quickly changed the subject. "You look pale; baby, are you okay?"
"I don't feel too well," Blaine said. Despite the fact that Dave was comforting and sweet, the extreme vulnerability he felt in hearing the story of how they met had Blaine uncomfortable. He quickly got up and walked over towards the bedroom. He wanted to be alone. "I need to rest for a minute. We can talk after you eat dinner."
He was so scared. He felt sick and was about to have a baby with no future or past. He had no future or past. It sucked. Another sharp pain hit and Blaine wondered if this was it. Was he going to have a child in that moment?
A few hours later, it was made perfectly clear that Blaine was going into labor. He tried his best to act like he wasn't in pain, but Dave could see right through him. "Call my doctor," Blaine said, even though Dave thought that step was highly unneeded. Still, he did it to placate Blaine and they told him to come immediately. That was when he put an arm around Blaine and led him to the car to drive him to the hospital.
When he got Blaine in the car and Dave started it up, he couldn't help the wave of guilt that hit him. He had been on the verge of confessing the whole and complete truth to Blaine. Now, Blaine's child was going to be born before Dave could remedy the lie that he had told. Oh God, he was the worst person in the universe.
He looked over at Blaine and could tell that the other man was terrified. His face had gone pale and Dave wasn't sure if it was from pain or fear. He could hear Blaine's shallow, panting breaths and felt terrible for him. "Blaine, it's going to be okay," he said, even though the comfort seemed shallow. Blaine started crying the moment that he spoke, so he figured his comforting wasn't worth anything.
"I don't want to have a baby," Blaine whispered, his voice revealing exactly how terrified he was. He shook his head violently. "I can't have a baby Dave. I don't even know who I am. Please, please don't let it happen yet. I'm not ready. I can't. I don't even know if I wanted to be a parent in the first place. I can't…I'm not… I'm not physically, not mentally…no part of me is ready to handle this at all. Don't you understand?"
"I can't give my baby anything," Blaine wailed. "I can't give a child anything when you take care of me. I don't know anything at all. I'm absolutely useless."
"Blaine, just because you lack memory does not mean that you're useless." Dave rubbed Blaine's arm in a soft, comforting manner, but kept his eyes on the road. He kept on driving, focused on the path that lay ahead of them. "You're so brave and strong and we'll get through this together. I promise you that."
They got him checked in pretty quickly. It was hours in between his check in and the start of the surgery, but to Dave it felt like split seconds. He stayed by Blaine the whole time, letting himself be pushed around and shoved into a surgical gown. He held Blaine's hand and whispered soothing words to him, the same way that any expectant father would. He did everything right, but 'going through the motions' didn't even begin to describe what he was feeling. The entire time Blaine was prepared and worked on, he stared at Dave with blank, hopeless eyes that broke Dave's heart. This wasn't how the birth of Blaine's child should have been. He should have been delighted. Of course, if things had gone the way they were planned, Blaine would be giving birth to this child with that abusive asshole at his side.
The baby was born in the late evening. When Dave heard her first cries, he lost control of his emotions. He clutched Blaine's hand and had to sit down because he was so nauseated. Things bustled around and eventually Blaine was stitched up and his daughter situated into his arms. Because of the drugs and the way that he felt, Blaine was deathly quiet. He didn't have a moment of emotional reaction until she was placed in his arms. That was when his eyes went wide and he started to cry silently.
The infant in Blaine's arms was beautiful. She had a tuft of dark hair that stuck up messily at the top of her head and big baby blue eyes. She was wailing, but even that piercing sound was beautiful to Dave. It was like she was his daughter, even though that would never be the truth. "What's her name Blaine?" he asked tenderly, not even sure what kind of name would be appropriate for the perfect creature he was blessed enough to behold. She was too perfect to be near him.
Blaine paused and looked up with big eyes that mirrored his daughter's. "When I was young I said I'd name my future daughter Lily," he told Dave. "Do you think that's a fitting name for her?"
"Yes," Dave said instantly, but pain caught him in the chest. Blaine was naming is daughter based on childhood dreams. He was still a child. Dave was lying to someone who was a child. Nausea rose in his chest up to his throat. All Dave wanted to do was blurt out the whole truth to Blaine, but he could do no such thing, because of the situation. He couldn't do that, not while Blaine was holding his newborn child in his arms. He had already put Blaine through enough horror.
In that moment, Dave's guilt and lies ate him up. They swallowed him whole and all of a sudden he was drowning in the bile of the mess he created. "I'm sorry, I need to go to the bathroom," he told Blaine, feeling the urge to throw up. "Guess the sight of blood actually does get to me." His half-assed lie was pathetic. He rushed to the bathroom and just barely made it to the toilet before he lost it. He got sick, violently, leaning over the toilet and shaking his head as tears began to fall.
Lies had a way of snowballing. They built up upon each other until they collapsed around a person. Dave's lies had finally collapsed during Lily Anderson's first moments alive.
Every single second that Blaine spent with his daughter, he fell deeper in love with her. She was the most perfect creature in existence and those big blue eyes were entrancing. As he lay in the hospital bed with her in his arms, she just stared into his eyes. She didn't care how screwed up his head was, or the fact that he couldn't remember the years between his childhood and that moment. She didn't care about anything except for the fact that she was in her daddy's arms. That was pretty amazing. "I'm going to make sure that your world is perfect, even if I don't understand mine," he said to her, serious about that. He would do anything for this child.
He took care of business, feeding Lily, and pretty soon he started to grow drowsy. Almost on cue, the nurse came to take Lily back to the infant care unit. He sighed and took a deep breath; he couldn't help feeling like part of him was missing when they took her away. That was pretty awful, considering how little of himself that he had left. As he closed his eyes and started to drift a little bit, something came back to him.
The bar wasn't very crowded, so he saw Dave right away. He walked over and sat down. He was bruised and in pain, but then again, when wasn't he? "Hi…"
Skip to later and Blaine was very drunk. "I'm not even allowed to be out tonight," he slurred at Dave, shaking his head mournfully. "He'll beat me up pretty bad if he finds out that I'm here, meeting you, but you're worth it Davey. Shh, don't tell."
Blaine knew that it was another flashback but instead of seeing things through his own eyes, he saw it from the outside, like an observer. He was drunk and rambling at Dave hysterically about his boyfriend and about the fact that their meeting was forbidden. Blaine forcibly yanked himself out of the…what was it? Was it a flashback or a memory or some other construct of his messed up head? He shook his head a little bit and sat up in bed to keep himself from passing out and going back to that place. It was true…wasn't it? Someone was abusing him. A relief flooded through him when he realized that the abuser wasn't Dave, because he loved Dave so much, but at the same time his distrust of Dave increased tenfold. Dave was lying to him. Was there a possibility that Dave had even been lying about being Blaine's boyfriend? The thought made him nauseated, literally sick to his stomach. He shook his head and tried to deny it.
Eventually, he passed out and luckily the visions did not return to him.
It wasn't long until Blaine got out of the hospital. His surgery had gone well and though he needed to stay on bed rest at home for a week or two, he'd be okay. Dave promised the doctors that Blaine would always have someone at his side to help take care of the newborn baby. Dave was there and he wasn't going to let anyone hurt his daughter. Oh, God, Lily wasn't even Dave's daughter, was she? The thought made him nauseous. Poor little girl…
He was only home for a couple of hours when he got Lily down for a nap and took the courage to ask what he'd been forcing himself to ask before she was born. "You've been lying to me," he told Dave, propping himself up on his pillow and looking his boyfriend in the eye. It was terrifying to watch the anguish pass through Dave's eyes. Dave was feeling something immense, guilt maybe, and Blaine could feel it just looking at him. "Someone was hitting me, beating me before this. The doctor's said they saw old breaks and fractures on my x-rays and … well I had a little flashback last night. Who was he Dave and who are you?"
Dave swallowed deeply and stared him in the eyes. He stood up and looked around like a deer caught in the headlights. For a moment, Blaine was afraid that he was going to get up and run away; leaving him vulnerable with no memories and a newborn baby he wasn't even remotely capable of taking care of. Luckily, Dave didn't leave him. He sat down next to Blaine on the bed and took his hand. He held it tightly, never letting go of Blaine's eyes. "Aaron was abusive to you Blaine," he said. "You've been with Aaron for years and he was abusing you. He hit you. He berated you. He made your life a living hell, really. I've always been on your side, trying to protect you, but you…always refused to leave him. You always assured me that he…that he loved you."
Blaine swallowed as the name brought back, not memories, but a sense of dread. His stomach twisted and he felt like he was going to vomit. He reached for the class of water at his bedside table and took a long drink, trying to still his beating heart. "So, I…I left my abusive boyfriend and then we got together?" he asked. He was hoping for that, because that would make everything make sense. If he had been with an abusive boyfriend and eventually got with Dave, who saved his life, that would make sense. That would explain everything so much better and it'd all be okay. He and Dave could raise Lily, slowly working to get his memories back.
Blaine's heart sunk at that single word. He had hoped that it would all be solved with some easy answers. He had already started creating the narrative in his mind. He had been with an abusive boyfriend and Dave convinced him to leave, rescued him. They then grew closer and Dave had gotten Blaine pregnant. Now they were here and they were going to be raising their beautiful, perfect daughter. Why couldn't it be that simple?
Dave sat down and put his head in his hands. He eventually stared up at Blaine with eyes that encompassed so many emotions, but most potently, guilt. "I tried to get you to leave Aaron for years," he said defensively. Blaine couldn't ever really imagine himself as the kind to stay with a man who was abusive, but then again he wasn't even sure what kind of person he was. He wasn't sure what the situations were surrounding the abusive relationship. He couldn't begin to guess. "At first it was just subtly obvious he was abusing you. He was a control freak. He always wanted to know where you were, what you were doing. I saw the bruises on you. I just knew."
"Then it became less obvious," Blaine filled in, when Dave went silent for a moment.
"Y-yeah," Dave said, looking up. "We met at a bar one night two years back. You told me that he would kill you if he knew you were meeting me. He was jealous, you know. He cut you off from contact with other men, especially gay ones. You told me that he'd beat you up if he found out that we were still friends, but you didn't care. I…I confronted you after that and you tried to play it off. You were drunk and on and on…"
Blaine tried to swallow the information he was being fed but couldn't. It just didn't make sense to him. He couldn't have been in such a horrible place. He wouldn't have stayed in such a horrible place. He felt the tears start to flow, real strong tears. He looked at Dave desperately. "Why wouldn't I leave?" he whispered.
"I don't know," Dave said. "I guess that's just what relationships like that do to a person. He hurt you, Blaine; he hurt you in so many ways. I tried especially hard to get you away when I found out that you were pregnant with his kid."
That was when Blaine was sure he'd throw up. He turned his head and closed his eyes to fight off the coming wave of nausea. Lily wasn't Dave's child. It was something that he'd suspected, but something that he never wanted to find out. The beautiful girl who had finally slept a little bit in her bassinet wasn't Dave's. She was the daughter of some monster, some abuser. How could he live with himself knowing that he'd done that?
"He used her…to keep his hold on you," Dave whispered. "I tried so hard to convince you that you had to get out, if not for your safety but for hers. I begged you."
Blaine felt disgusted at himself. He hadn't even left for his baby. How could he be that weak? He shook his head and started to cry harder. If the man was abusive then of course he was going to be abusive to Blaine when he was pregnant, or maybe their child. "I didn't leave him…" he sobbed out, shaking his head."I didn't even leave him when I knew Lily was at risk. What kind of father am I? What the hell happened next then, Dave? How did we end up together?"
Dave shook his head again and it felt like another knife in Blaine's chest. "I always loved you and I always wanted you safe," he said, but it was no defense. They had never been together. Blaine wanted to sob, but held his tears in as much as he could possibly manage. "I was with you at the accident and when you woke up and didn't remember him, I took it as my only chance to save you. You have to understand why I did it Blaine."
Blaine let out a sob in spite of himself. He couldn't help it. He felt betrayed and more uncertain of the world around him than ever. "So we never were…"
"No," he said. "I always loved you and I always hoped that you and I could…that I could help you and maybe we'd…but no."
Blaine swallowed as he felt hurt and betrayal. At the same time, he thought that Dave was heroic and brave by this story, far braver than the battered man who stayed with the man abusing him, even when his daughter needed him to get out. "Lying was never the way to save me, David," he said. "You lied to me and painted this image of a relationship that n-never was…"
"I know it was wrong," Dave said, his eyes begging Blaine to believe him. "I just did it on impulse. I had been thinking about you so much and how much danger you were in…"
"You…you took advantage of me," he said, staring Dave down. "It's like…mental rape or something. You made me believe I felt a way that I'm not even sure I felt. How is that fair to me? You took advantage of the fact that I have absolutely nothing to go on."
"Why do you think I avoided getting too close to you?" Dave snapped, but not angrily. He was just hurt and trying to defend himself against things that were absolutely impossible to defend against. "I avoided being close to you because that would have been the moment it became absolute rape."
"That helps so much," Blaine said. "Now I just need to be alone and I can't even be sure if I can trust you to take care of my daughter." His emphasis on the word made Dave cringe heavily. He wasn't her father, as much as he tried to believe he was and Blaine made sure he knew it.
"You can trust me," Dave whispered desperately, brokenly and Blaine could see the tears in his eyes. He knew that Dave was genuinely someone that he could trust but he was so broken and confused. He couldn't trust himself. He couldn't even trust what he considered his own judgments because every bit of a sense of self he had was ten years outdated. He didn't know who he was and was pretty uncertain if he liked that person one bit.
"I'm just going to be outside. I can't…"
Blaine hoisted himself up and was out the door before Dave could say another word. He needed this.
Dave went to the bassinet and stood by it, watching Lily sleep. She was a really beautiful baby with her bright eyes, eyes which were now closed, and features that resembled Blaine's in so many haunting ways. She had one hand elevated slightly, its fingers brushing against her own cheek. He loved her as much as if she were his baby girl too. He wished she was with all of his heart, but he was glad that her bastard father would never be allowed to touch her.
He would protect her from Aaron even if Blaine vowed to never speak to him again. She was more important than any of them and much more important than the stupid liar who tried to protect her. He closed his eyes and felt the tears slip past before the emotions came crashing down on him. He was mourning Blaine's loss already. He didn't deserve Blaine but he wanted to hold him so much. He wanted to keep him safe. He wanted to keep them both safe.
He hated to admit what a sick comfort it was, but Dave was glad that he was watching the sleeping child. Her being with him meant that Blaine wasn't going to disappear into the night and never come home again. Blaine had to come back to his baby, even if he hated Dave and never wanted to see his face again. Dave might have lost Blaine forever but he wasn't going to lose sight of him. He would die without his Blaine.
Lily woke up not long after that, looking at Dave with big eyes. She looked around her and then started to whimper. He was pretty sure that she was hungry. When the whimpers turned to wails in seconds, he started panicking slightly, but he picked her up in his arms and headed to the kitchen, where Blaine already had premade bottles of baby formula. He warmed one up, tested it and then situated Lily in his arms, feeding her.
She ate easily, quieting so that she could suck at her bottle. She was the most beautiful baby ever. She finished fast and let out a hearty burp when she was done and he burped her. When she was finished eating, her quiet cries started again. Dave cradled her against his chest and started to hum to her. He wasn't all that great at singing but he could hold a tune well enough to soothe a tired, newborn baby. "Precious Lily…" he sang to her, a random tune. "I'm so sorry I hurt your daddy." He cradled her against his chest and closed his eyes.
"Sorry really isn't going to help," Blaine said as he walked into the room. He looked a lot calmer, but didn't look any less furious. "Sorry doesn't really change cheating and lying, does it David?"
Dave let him take Lily, staring at them with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I don't really know what I can do to earn your trust back Blaine, but I will. I really and truly love you. I did it because I love you."
"I love you too," Blaine said his voice harsh yet wavering. "I love you too David and therein lies our problem. I love you so much and yet, I don't know what I'm supposed to think of you. I'm not sure why I stayed with an abusive boyfriend and I don't even know if that's true because I can't have any way of knowing what is and isn't true. This is going to be…difficult, but I'm going to do my best with Lily right now, and then I'm going to get a job and become a productive member of society. I just can't deal with you right now."
"I'm…so sorry," Dave said, unable to tell Blaine just how terrible he felt. His heart broke, seeing Blaine so completely aware of the fact that he knew nothing. Dave stared at Blaine for the longest time. He had nothing but his terrible thoughts.
"I feel like I have absolutely nothing."
Dave took a deep breath and tried to control himself. If he controlled himself, he would keep himself from crying. "You have your daughter, Blaine," he said softly. "You also have me, as much as you don't want me. That has to count for something, right?" He knew that having him probably didn't count for anything, but at the same time he tried to believe it.
Blaine let out a breathy sigh. "Do you have any other bits of information about my life?" he asked softly.
Dave shook his head, because he didn't really know much. "I'm sorry Blaine," he said honestly. "Aaron, he kept you pretty distanced from others." He saw the pain in Blaine's eyes and he couldn't help feel badly, even if his words were honest. Blaine hated that he had been an abuse victim and Dave could sense that he blamed himself.
"I'm so weak," Blaine whispered, shaking his head. "How the hell did I become this ridiculous, weak person?"
"You're not weak, Blaine," Dave said seriously. "You're the strongest person I know, I swear it to you." He just wanted Blaine to know that above all things he was strong and would always do the best for them.
Blaine was sitting by the window after Dave went to work, holding Lily in his arms. The baby was crying and he was trying his best to soothe her. He wasn't really sure how. She had already eaten and he checked her diaper to find it both dry and clean. He rocked her back and forth, humming low under his breath and even singing her a couple of songs. His voice didn't even bring up any real memories. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to sound like, but this wasn't it. He had his eyes closed as he sang, trying to stir up memories but most of the memories he did stir up were old.
For some reason, the first memory to pop into his head was the first time that he and Kurt sang a duet with each other. It was before they had even begun dating, when Blaine needed someone to rehearse a Christmas song with him. He had always been pretty oblivious to the truth. He had never realized then that Kurt was attracted to him. He kind of missed Kurt. Sure, their relationship was a high school love, but he at least hoped the other boy was doing alright, living every dream he ever wanted.
The memory made him smile and he almost, if just for a moment, wished that it was the old days again. Things would be so much simpler and he would actually be the eighteen year old that he was in his mind. He would be with Kurt and there would be no Dave, no lying and no uncertainty. Of course, there would also be no Lily. He looked at the baby, who was still whimpering and whining a little bit and shook his head. "I'd never give you up for anything in the world," he assured her.
With his soothing, Lily slowly started to calm down. Looking into her eyes, Blaine felt incredibly capable, like he could do anything in the world. That was when he was assaulted by a memory that was not from years and years before.
"I'm pregnant Dave."
Dave's arms wrapped around Blaine, strong and protective. He let them envelope him as he let go of his defenses and felt all of the emotions associated with the news. He was excited and eager to raise a child, but at the same time he was afraid. He knew what Aaron was capable of and knew that Aaron would kill him if he tried to leave. He also doubted whether or not Aaron would be able to take care of a child. Would he hurt the baby in the same indiscriminate way that he beat Blaine in any situation?
"Congratulations Blaine," Dave said softly, but he was tense and Blaine could hear the fear in his voice. He was afraid for Blaine. "D-does he know?"
"No," Blaine said. Dave's fear made him cry and ignited his own fears. He cried while Dave held him, wondering if his boyfriend would be capable of hurting his child, their child. He tried to believe that Aaron wouldn't, but the man had beaten him under other circumstances that made the act even more forgivable. "I haven't told him yet. I mean, I have to, of course, but I wanted to tell you first." Blaine knew just how wrong it was that Aaron wasn't the first man he went to, but he was so scared to leave. Aaron would freak and would kill him.
"You know that there's plenty of room at my place for you, Blaine," Dave said, pulling out of the tight hug and looking into his eyes. Dave was so sincere that Blaine's heart melted. He knew that Dave would do anything to protect him, especially now that he was in this state, but he couldn't ask that of Dave. He couldn't do that. He loved Dave so much, but there was no way that Dave was going to see Blaine in the same light that Blaine saw him. Dave was so perfect and Blaine was just nothing. "You have to leave Aaron. It's not just you anymore, Blaine. There's also a child involved in the picture."
Blaine didn't know what Aaron had done to him over the years to kill his self-esteem, but the memory brought back a sense of dread and self loathing that didn't exist in the regressed identity he was in. "He broke me," Blaine mumbled under his breath, holding the small child to his chest. He didn't know exactly how Aaron had broken him with abuse, but at the same time he understood that he had to use the wisdom of pre-abuse Blaine to keep Lily safe forever. "Don't worry Lily-doll," he whispered low. "We're never going back there again."
Even though his trust of Dave was super limited because of the betrayal, he was the first person that Blaine went to with the tiny sliver of memory. "You really wanted me to get away from Aaron," he said softly, the moment that Dave walked into the door. "I had a little…bit of memory. It wasn't anything that huge but you really tried to protect me from him. Why was I so stupid? Why didn't I leave, especially when I realized that a child's life was at risk? What kind of parent doesn't put his baby first?"
Dave set down his things and immediately pulled Blaine into his arms. Despite the fact that Blaine was afraid of Dave's lies, he was more afraid of the things that Dave had been trying to protect him from. He wasn't sure that he'd ever rebuild a trust with Dave, but he knew that he cared about him. "You're not stupid Blaine," Dave said, his voice low. "Aaron fucked with your sense of self. There's no nicer way to put it. For someone as dumb as he was, he was good at manipulating you to make you feel worthless and unloved. He's been doing it for years."
Blaine sighed and looked up at Dave. "I loved you," he said. "I saw that you cared about me. Was I really that afraid?" He didn't know the answer and neither did Dave, but Dave had the tight, warm hug to cure the panic at least for a moment. Dave had the sense to just hold him until they'd both taken a deep breath and could think.
Dave sat Blaine down on the sofa and looked him in the eye. "Okay, first thing," he said, serious and well-composed compared to how broken he'd been the last time they talked, "is that I need you to stop calling yourself weak. You are anything but weak. You are not weak because of the things Aaron did to you and you're not weak in general. You're an amazing person Blaine and I love you. You've survived something terrible."
Blaine looked at Dave and he wanted to believe him but at the same time the guilt was pretty much overwhelming him. He didn't understand the person that he had become. In his head he was still far from the shell of a person that his current self seemed to be. "I can't…I can't deal with the fact that I let myself be abused even when the life of my child was at stake. How messed up could I have been? I just…I can't make who I am and who I was meet in the middle."
Dave took his hand. It was a gentle gesture but the intimacy of it broke his heart. He wanted to believe that Dave was someone he could trust and love but at the same time Dave had lied to him. "You can't dwell on the past," Dave said softly, seriously. "I mean it Blaine. Look at this child. Your little Lilly is happy and healthy; Aaron is none the wiser and God willing, neither of you will ever have to see him again."
"I need to get my memories back," Blaine said harshly. He knew the words were a vow of something that he couldn't really vow. "I need to get them back if it kills me. Whoever took the last ten years of my life can't have it, because I need it." He bit his lip hard.
"They're coming back slowly, right?" Dave asked him. "That has to stand for something. It's going to be okay."
Blaine nodded, understanding what Dave meant but at the same time feeling so lost and dejected. Lily looked up at the two of them "I wish I could trust you," he told Dave honestly. "I wish I could trust you because I really need someone to trust in this moment."
His words really seemed to break Dave apart. The man looked at him with sad, forlorn eyes. "I'm so sorry Blaine," he said softly. "I'm so, so very sorry." He looked devastated and even though he'd lied, Blaine felt bad.
"Let's start from page one, shall we?" Blaine asked.
Blaine and Dave did do all they could to start from square one. They started actually living their lives and rebuilding a friendship. Blaine went with Dave to work and he and Dave took Lilly on little outings, to get her used to being out and about. Blaine was also developing very well as far as independence went. He started looking into workplaces that had hours that went opposite of Dave's and places where he could take his baby girl to meet other children when she was older. He wasn't sure if his memories were going to come back but he was sure that he couldn't stop living while he waited for them.
Over time, his anger towards Dave faded as well. He knew that Dave had done something terrible by lying, but it wasn't unforgivable. To make it easier to deal with, Blaine put himself in the mind frame he was trapped in. If eighteen year old Blaine Anderson had found out that any of his friends was keeping himself in an abusive place and he had an immoral out to save him, he'd use it. Dave had just taken a chance and went with it.
He also started to fall in love with Dave again. "Where are you going?" Dave asked, as Blaine bundled Lilly up in warm clothing on a Sunday afternoon. He had decided to go on a little walk and take the baby girl with him. As she was getting a little bit older, he enjoyed exposing her to the sights and sounds that life had to offer. She always took it in with her sweet big eyes. She was only a baby, but he was pretty sure that she was going to be the smartest child in the whole entire universe. Yes, he was sure every dad said that, but he was right about it.
"We're going to the park," he said. "She's all bundled up and we'll come back in about twenty minutes okay? I just want to give her something to look at. She spends way too much time cooped up in this place. Don't you Lils? Tell him that." He gave Dave a dorky smile and then headed off to the park that wasn't too far from the place.
The park was relatively small, but luckily for Blaine he had a newborn baby, not a child that needed to run. He walked over to a shady area underneath a tree and smiled as the baby watched everything with her big, expressive eyes. Sometimes Blaine felt so constrained by the fear that he had within him, but Lily alleviated all of that fear. She was something real and pure and made him feel like he didn't need his memories to be a whole person.
"Look at you Lilly-boo," he cooed at her.
She looked up at him and then above him.
"Blaine?" a harsh voice asked, sending a chill of fear through him that froze him to the spot for a good moment, before he whipped his body around and put himself between the crib bound baby and a man with dark hair and angry, harsh eyes.
Blaine didn't get hit by memories by the ton, but he was allowed a single piece of awareness. The man in front of him was Aaron. This was the man who had impregnated him and who had abused and terrorized him to the point where he was a shell of the man he once was. "I…who are you?" he asked, even though he knew exactly who the man in front of him was. He knew who he was; he knew what he had done and Blaine was terrified of him.
"You stupid bitch, stop playing dumb with me!" the man yelled and his voice was like a roar, a familiar roar that resonated somewhere deep inside of Blaine. "Where the fuck have you been? It's been months and…and you've had the brat!"
Blaine shook his head a little bit, playing dumb to the extreme. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, holding his head up high. He was not the same man that this Aaron had abused. He was someone who had yet to be conditioned in the way that scared little Blaine had. "I'm sorry, but you see, I was in an accident a few months ago and I have yet to regain my complete memory of the past."
The man clutched him by both of his shoulders and shook him. "Don't play games with me! I told you that if you left me that you'd pay for it. I warned you and I showed you that I was serious, didn't I?"
Blaine could remember being threatened by the man. He could remember being told exactly what would happen to him, what would happen to the few people he had left, if he left. His stomach clenched and his eyes closed. He tried to stay strong and pretend like he wasn't being assaulted by a million horrible memories of the past. He was strong. He was confident and he was capable. He wasn't going to let himself collapse. He yanked himself away.
"Let me go," he said. "I'm not sure who you were, but all the same, I've build a new life with my daughter and my new boyfriend. Thank you very much." He knew that Dave wasn't his boyfriend yet, but he had to have some leverage to threaten the man with. "Now if you don't mind, my daughter and I are heading back home."
"It's that dick Karofsky isn't it?" he yelled. "I told you that you weren’t allowed to see him. God, you're so fuckin' pathetic. He's the only one who'd ever want to stick it in you. Fatass has never had a guy before in his life. You're both gonna pay for this, I swear it." Blaine took a step back when the man lunged at him, looking around. They were in public; someone would notice and help him get out of the situation he was in. He immediately went for his daughter, making sure that he was keeping her safe. That was the only thing that mattered. "You're only good enough for suicidal psychopaths, aren't you Blaine?"
Blaine knew exactly where his lack of self esteem came from. The moment that the man spoke a terrible feeling like acid rose in his thoughts. He felt terrible. He closed his eyes and when he opened them the monster was still there and he went and reached for Blaine's baby. "So this is the brat that we popped out," he said, touching the side of the stroller.
"No," Blaine said, shoving the man back. Lilly started to wail and Blaine's heart rate tripled. It didn't matter what the man had done to torture him, to take away his self confidence. He was a father now and his daughter's safety was the only thing that mattered to him. He would die for her and he wasn't going to let the man who'd hurt him put a finger on her. "You don't even get to touch my baby girl." He felt the fire of pure anger course through his veins.
"Is that right?" the man asked with a near manic glare. As far as his memories went, Aaron wasn't drunk when he abused Blaine, but there was something about him that reminded Blaine of some kind of substance. He was too erratic, too unpredictable. He vaguely recalled telling someone once that he could never predict what the next move Aaron would make was. It was so trippy, some of his memories coming back slowly.
"Yeah that is," he said, shoving Aaron off of him.
The blow to the face was sudden, unexpected and left him staring hard. "I…" he said softly, putting his hand to his jawbone. His head jerked back and his eyes watered. He remembered not instances but feelings. He remembered terror, he remembered worthlessness and he remembered absolute helplessness. He would never let go of the feelings that had been brought to him by his abusive relationship, but he was never going back there again – whether or not all of the memories that were slowly returning ever returned.
"Get away from me!" he yelled, and luckily for him, his cries warranted attention. An older man with grey hair and concerned eyes approached them. He had been walking with a small white haired dog. He paused in front of Blaine and then saw the forming bruise on his cheek.
"Did this guy hit you?" he asked, looking at Aaron. Blaine nodded.
"It's none of your fucking business old man," Aaron shouted, moving towards the man. The guy, however, seemed absolutely fearless. He reached out for his cell phone and dialed. He called the police and when Aaron darted for him, he moved back behind a tree with a amount of force that was surprising for his age. When Aaron grabbed the back of the man's shirt, others were alerted and Blaine was stunned when several guys his own age pulled him back. He was held until the police arrived.
"Is the baby okay?" the first older man asked Blaine as the police arrived and put him in handcuffs. "I saw that you were with a small child and he was threatening you. Then I realized that he'd hit you. I'm an ex-cop myself, retired in 2005. I know the signs of distress pretty darned well."
Blaine nodded slowly as they cuffed Aaron and slid him into the back of a car. "I'm…we're fine. He's my ex. It's a long story. T-thank you for saving us." He didn't have much faith in humanity but this man had stopped the violence before it escalated into something terrible and several other men had restrained Aaron before he hurt someone or got away. It definitely renewed Blaine's faith in the world. "I have to go…" He saw the cop beckoning to him.
He quickly went to try and sort things out, pushing Lilly's stroller away. Blaine nodded slowly as they cuffed Aaron and slid him into the back of a car. "I'm…we're fine. He's my ex. It's a long story. T-thank you for saving us." He didn't have much faith in humanity but this man had stopped the violence before it escalated into something terrible and several other men had restrained Aaron before he hurt someone or got away. It definitely renewed Blaine's faith in the world. "I have to go…" He saw the cop beckoning to him.
He quickly went to try and sort things out, pushing Lilly's stroller along with him.
After Blaine sorted things out with the police about pressing assault charges and Aaron was put into a police car and driven away, Blaine's first instinct was to call Dave. He dialed his cell phone, praying that the other man would answer him. Thankfully, his prayers were answered when Dave picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hey Blaine," he said. "You worried me. Why aren't you back home from the park yet?"
Blaine took a deep breath and answered slowly, carefully. "I ran into Aaron at the park, Dave," he said calmly, even though he felt hyper just repeating the words. "Before you ask, I'm fine. I just have a bruise on my face. He was taken to the police station and is going to be charged with assault. Lilly's fine as well. She's actually currently asleep. Can you please come and pick us up? I don't trust myself to walk anywhere right now, especially not with the baby."
He could hear the restrained panic in Dave's voice. "I'll be there in two minutes Blaine," he said seriously.
That was honestly hardly an exaggeration. In what felt like a matter of minutes, Dave pulled up in the parking lot to the left of the park. Blaine quickly pushed Lilly's stroller that way, finding that he wasn't kidding about walking being difficult. He felt dizzy, like his legs didn't entirely belong to him. The whole encounter had left him shaken and understanding of exactly why the previous him had suffered such incredible abuse. He had been shattered in a pretty deep and powerful way. It was really hard to come back from something like that.
When Dave saw Blaine he immediately rushed to him and put both arms around him. Blaine couldn't deny how safe he felt in Dave's arms. It didn't really matter that he'd been lied to when he felt that safe. He felt safe, warm and content with life. That was all that really mattered, was it not? He sighed and leaned against one of Dave's broad shoulders before he managed to let go. Dave knelt down slightly by the stroller to pick Lily up. "Are you doing okay beautiful?" he asked her gently. Dave really was the kind of man that anyone would want to be a parent of their child.
The baby was too young to really respond to any of the things around her, but she did lock her eyes on Dave and just stare. "Can we please go home now?" Blaine asked. He hated to act like someone so deeply traumatized but he really just wanted to go home. He wanted to stop worrying about everything and stop thinking for a few minutes. Dave handed Lilly back to Blaine and then folded up the stroller. Blaine started to put the baby in her car seat, doing the straps automatically, trying to keep himself from thinking too much about the things that were plaguing him. "T-thanks Dave," he whispered, shaking his head a little bit. He was very confused and tired.
The drive home was very difficult for Blaine. He had so much on his mind. His head hurt and he wanted to make sense of things, but he couldn't. He bowed his head. He wasn't sure if Dave tried to talk to him or not, because he wasn't paying attention on purpose. He needed to regain composure and feel the memories as they slowly came back to him one by one. It was funny; amnesia on television was usually portrayed with a WHAM moment where the person got all of their memories back. It was more like a trickle for Blaine.
When they got home, Dave immediately took control. The man took Lilly into his arms and carried her to bed. Blaine watched as he checked her diaper and then looked to the clock. "Let's let her sleep before we give her the next bottle." He looked to Blaine and all Blaine could really do was nod blankly. He had been so scared. He was glad that Dave was there for him, because he'd been so scared, but he was so brave all the same. He found his being again.
When they got out of the baby's space, Dave pulled Blaine into a tight hug. He held Blaine tight and Blaine just crumbled into the safe place that was Dave's arms. "I'm so…I'm so scared and weak but at the same time I understand so much about myself. I understand why I was…the way that I was Dave. I get it…"
Dave wrapped his arms around Blaine and hugged him tightly. "I never thought you were weak Blaine," he said softly, assuring him with a calm comfort. "I never thought you were weak." He rocked him from side to side, holding him close. "I always thought that you were your strongest, even as he was breaking you down."
"I love you Dave," he said softly, looking into his eyes.
Dave hesitated, tears in his eyes. Blaine couldn't believe that he was actually crying. It was shocking and put a lump in his throat. "How can you love me after I lied to you?" he asked. Blaine then remembered that he was so angry at Dave for lying, but it was something that he had completely forgotten about. Dave had lied to him but he had lied to him to protect him. He had lied to Blaine so that Blaine could come to the realization how strong he was.
"I know why you lied," he said. "You lied so that I could do what I didn't have the ability to do. You lied on impulse and you did it for me."
When their lips touched, Blaine sighed and pressed himself into the kiss. He just melted into it. He wanted nothing more than to touch Dave, to be with Dave. He knew that they were going to be together forever and the abuse of the past was just going to be a memory. When he woke up in Dave's bed, naked and wrapped up in his arms, he knew they'd be together forever.
Eight months later Blaine and Dave were at the same park where Blaine confronted Aaron. This time, however, the two of them were at the park on the grass, trying to coax Lilly into walking. "Come on," Dave said, reaching forward and grabbing the baby's tiny little hands, drawing her forward. Lilly walked on shaky feet, aided, but still had trouble finding her footing enough to walk solo.
She did absolutely love Dave and burst into laughter and big smiles any time that she was near the man. "Come here," he said, drawing her along the path. She kept on moving, slowly but surely, keeping her eyes locked on his. Blaine just loved the two of them together. Dave was her father like no other man could ever hope to be.
"Keep going honey," Blaine encouraged the tiny girl, thinking about all of the progress that he had made. He had come so far in such a short time. He had work, although part time and was going to actively seek more employment in the field of teaching music. He was living a real life, as strong as he possibly could. It was all because of Dave and his baby girl.
His memories, well, Blaine had to admit that they were far from perfect. They had come back in mixed bits and pieces, but he was pretty certain that they would never be whole. It wasn't an incredible tragedy, because as he got the bits and pieces back he was making new memories with the people he loved most.
The memories he received back were also often precious, beautiful ones. He remembered the first time that he remembered his past self really loving Dave. They were sad memories, memories of feeling unworthy and just longing for him, but they were memories that made everything feel so much more whole.
He learned quickly that the past, while important, was not as important as the present.
Blaine acknowledged the fact that there would always be parts of him missing, but at the same time acknowledged that it was not going to take his identity from him. Lacking little bits and pieces of memories did not harm identity at all. He was Blaine Anderson, a boy who had been through a lot, but was determined not to let the pains of the past define him. He would let his strength and his own courage bring him to where he needed to be.
He watched as Dave walked Lilly forward carefully. "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked Blaine as his daughter tirelessly moved forward.
"I have a coffee date with Jeff," Blaine said cheerfully. He was starting to reconnect with old friends that he had lost in the up and down of his relationship. He was starting to rebuild everything of any importance to him, "but Lilly and I are totally free that evening if there's something you had in mind." He always wanted to spend more time with Dave. It was important to him that they let their relationship grow.
"Well, actually..." Dave mumbled, looking at Blaine shyly. Blaine couldn't help think about how cute Dave was when he got shy and hesitant, "I was wondering if you would mind if Sanana babysat Lilly for a couple of hours. She's been wanting to ever since she met her."
Blaine smirked at the memory. Meeting Santana Lopez again for the first time in his new life had been very interesting. He wasn't sure if they'd talked in the ten years between high school and the present at all, but when they saw each other for the first time after his memory loss, it was like they'd never parted. "Hobbit!" she'd declared, looking at him like they were walking down the halls of McKinley High School. "When Dave said he'd rediscovered little Blaine Anderson I was very excited."
She had also completely gushed over Lilly. That was definitely not in character for the old Santana, but Blaine knew better than anyone that despite staying the same inside, people changed and bended. "She is the cutest little chica ever! She really came from you?"
She was still Santana, of course, insisting that nobody that cute could come to him, but there was a definite softer side to her. "I could agree to that," Blaine told Dave, grinning.
"I have special plans," Dave said with a mysterious expression. "C'mon Lills one more try."
Both men watched as Lilly toddled two full steps without Dave's help before sitting down on her diaper, grinning with self-pride and clapping. "That's my girl!" Blaine yelled, swooping her up and holding her close. She just kept clapping, rambling along to what seemed like a chorus of "da...da...dada..." something she called both of them. "Daddies are so proud," Blaine said over her shoulder.
Blaine agreed that day to let Santana watch Lilly so that he and Dave could have some alone time for…whatever Dave had planned. On Saturday, he spent the afternoon with Jeff, laughing at the reminiscing. It was all memories that took place before the memory lapse occurred, so Blaine gained nothing new from that, but the memories did come when they were parting and Jeff said, "It's so glad to have you back Blaine."
He remembered leaving his friends behind because of Aaron. He remembered the feelings of hate that he'd experienced towards his closest friends because Aaron poisoned him against them. Aaron had used Blaine's self-esteem issues to convince him that the people who mattered most never really did. He was now getting them back because he was a person he was proud of. He was proud of himself.
After the coffee date with Jeff, he and Dave got ready to leave Lilly with Santana. "Don't have a midget aneurism, Blaine," Santana said, clasping him on the shoulder. "I'll make sure that everything is taken care of. You and my boy Karofsky really need this time alone, trust me."
He smiled at her and then over and Dave and nodded. "I trust you guys."
After that he and Dave headed to an undisclosed location. "Where on earth are we going?" he asked Dave with a playful laugh. He poked him in the shoulder and smiled. Dave just shook his head and looked at Blaine.
They continued around a bend and drove for quite some time. "I'm getting a little concerned," Blaine joked, as the setting became far more rural than before. "If I didn't love you I'd be afraid that you were going to take me out in the woods and kill me or something."
Dave rolled his eyes at that. "Dork."
Pretty soon they came to a small clearing near the lake. It wasn't completely unoccupied, because there were a few fishermen at the other side of the small but substantial body of water. They had landed near a place where there were picnic tables, however, and one had been elaborately set. "Where is this place?" Blaine asked softly.
"It's a little place that I asked you to come visit with me a couple years ago," Dave said. "You never could and I always thought that you'd love it."
They got out of the car and Dave held out his hand for Blaine, walking him over to the table where a bottle of champagne and several dishes had been sat out. "What's the occasion for all of this?" he asked. He was not used to someone going to great lengths for him. "I'm serious Dave."
The other man looked at him completely innocently, shrugging and sitting down and pouring two glasses. When Blaine saw the ring in the sparkling liquid, he almost passed out on the spot. When he pulled it out and saw the inscription that read "Make your own memories," he wrapped his arms around Dave and swore he'd never, ever let go. Not for anything in the world.