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The Brobdingnagian Desk Displacement

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"Sheldon," Leonard said, 'We have to go. Now."

"Hep , hep, hep." Sheldon, who was still facing his whiteboard, waved one hand to silence his companion. "I'm still not finished. Gamma, raised to X…" He trailed off.

Leonard stood helplessly in the doorway to Sheldon's office and sighed. He looked at his watch and saw that is was almost 5 pm. His date with Penny was scheduled in T minus 1 hour, and he really needed to get home and start getting ready. "Can't you just take your work back home in the apartment, like you normally do?"

"No, Leonard." Sheldon said stoically, his eyes never leaving the grease board in front of him, "If I stop now, I won't be able to finish this equation. I've been working on this vital formula to determine the probable mass of black holes and how much energy will it possibly give-off rather than absorb." He began to murmur to himself, "E times the negative coefficient…"

Leonard's shoulders slumped, and he begged his friend in the most persuasive tone he could muster, "Sheldon, I need to get home. It's Valentine's Day for Pete's sakes. If Penny and I are late, someone might take our reservation at Il Palermo."

Sheldon's fist closed so tightly around his pen that his knuckles turned white, and he raised it as if to hit his whiteboard before he caught himself and stopped his fist before it touched the inked surface. "Fine," he said from between clenched teeth, "Be on your damn date with Nebraska." He rubbed his eyes with his right hand, still clutching the marker. "I'll agree, on a non-precedential basis, take the bus home this one time if that's the only way to stop your incessant whining."

Leonard was stunned, and spent several moments staring at Sheldon's thin shoulders. Then he grinned from ear to ear, happily asking, "Really?"

"Go," it was all Sheldon said, still staring intently at the white board.

"No roommate agreement section being violated? No invocation of clause 201? No—"

Sheldon turned to look at Leonard, gracing him with a menacing glare.

Leonard took a step back and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe I should leave right now." He eyed his friend one last time cautiously, "Before you get a chance to change your mind." Leonard turned quickly and fled his roommate's office, putting his concern for Sheldon behind him as his mind turned to thoughts of Penny and their future date.

#

7:48 pm.

Sheldon leaned back in his office chair with his feet resting on top of his desk and his arms behind his head. "So this is how it feels like to sit this way…" He said to himself, contemplating the sensations of affecting the pose. He continued studying the formula on the grease board, and nearly lost his balance and toppled over when the cell phone on his desk rang.

He collected himself and made a grab for his phone, checking the ID before accepting the call, which turned to Skype. "Amy," he said shortly, his sleepy voice lacking enthusiasm. He adjusted his weight in his chair subconsciously as he looked at her face.

"Sheldon, are you still in your office?" Her voice came clearly across the phone, alert and curious as usual. He couldn't remember a time he ever heard her sound tired.

"Yes," Sheldon drawled slowly, unaware that the Texas twang in his voice came out more strongly when he was tired. "I am still in my dreaded lair thinking about plots on how to destroy planet Earth." He paused, and then added, "What's up, girlfriend?"

Amy rolled her eyes, but, like his "ear on a mouse's back" comment, she couldn't help but be a little amused at his whimsies. "Leonard texted and asked me to check on you after you. He said you decided to remain in your office tonight?" Her eyes flickered, taking in the scene behind Sheldon's head. "Seeing that behind you are the familiar shelf, walls, and frames, I can accurately conclude you are indeed still in your office."

"Yes, I am still in my office, Captain Obvious."

Amy blinked, "Sheldon? Was that sarcasm?"

"When you live next door to someone who's greatest talent is expressing sarcasm, I've decided to make it a challenge to see if I can outwit her using the only thing she excels at."

Amy's lips twitched. "Good for you." Something in her tone suggested that she was moving directly past that topic of conversation. "How are you going to get home?"

Sheldon looked around in his office as if he had temporarily forgotten where he was, as if he was only now just processing the reality of his situation. "I hadn't considered that." He paused, and then turned his head to give her a pointed look through the phone. Taking a deep breath, he launched into his solution, "Section 7, sub-section C of our Relationship Agreement states that in case 'the Boyfriend' is in need of an emergency ride, it is 'the Girlfriend's' obligation to pick him up anywhere around Pasadena and from the other surrounding areas within California."

Amy mentally slapped herself for forgetting that clause, her eyes rolling back in her head. However, he was right. She had signed the document. There was no way to get out of her responsibility. "Fine. I'll be right there."

"Don't forget to bring me my dinner," he said before Amy broke the connection.

"Yeah. I'll bring you dinner," Amy said to her phone, rolling her eyes once again. She went to the doorway, reaching for her purple coat, and throwing her brown purse over her shoulder. "I'll bring you SOMETHING." She sounded disgruntled, but even so, her step grew lighter as she closed the door and walked down the hall. After all, she was off to see her boyfriend.

#

"Here you go, Sheldon, one Cheeseburger and Lemonade." She picked up a brown paper bag and held it out to him, expecting him to take it. Sheldon did not look away from the formula on his grease board for a moment. In fact, he made no move to indicate he even heard her speaking.

"Sheldon!" Amy barked, causing him to double take and turn to stare at her, his blue eyes wide. "Take it. Eat it." She shoved the bag into his chest and then turned to sit down in Raj's comfortable chair, tilting herself back slightly and picking up a chocolate mousse cup and plastic spoon.

"If only I wasn't stuck in this stupid formula—" Sheldon might have been explaining, or he might have been apologizing, but the moment his mind went back to his formula he turned to stare at it again, fixated.

"What is that?" Amy looked up from her chocolate mousse cup and twirled the tip of her spoon in a circle that indicated the complicated mess of symbols on the white board.

"Nothing, nothing." He grabbed his bottle of sanitizer from his desk before taking a sip of the lemonade.

For a while, Sheldon and Amy ate in content silence, both apparently lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Amy roused herself from her reverie and took a look around the office. "Where's Raj?", she asked.

"Oh, he went home early. His parents want to have a long conversation with him about wasting their money on women." Sheldon's tone was pre-occupied. He barely seemed to care where Raj was, or what problems he might be having. His eyes flickered over the various components of his equation, and he frowned slightly. Something wasn't right with it.

"Hmmm. Typical." Amy looked at Sheldon, who was slowly munching on his burger as he stared at the grease board. She shifted in her seat, sitting up straight and fixing him in a long, penetrating stare. "You know, Sheldon," she started carefully, "Some people don't consider this as a romantic way of celebrating the fourteenth day of the second month of the year."

Sheldon choked on his food a little, and spent some time beating on his chest and looking at her as if she had grown a second head. "Really, Amy? You of all people actually believe in that tradition of celebrating the day when St. Valentine was prosecuted?"

"Oh, no. I just think that since you and I are in a relationship with a 31-page agreement, maybe we should add a little more 'zing' to it?" She flicked an eyebrow at him and put her drink down on the desk.

Sheldon looked back at his burger and decided against taking another bite. "And by 'zing'," he questioned, "You mean….?"

Amy took her time looking at Sheldon, and then she took a quick breath and seemed to wave off her thoughts. She said, "Nevermind," and Sheldon turned his attention back to his work. Amy turned to her right slightly, turning her head and muttering, "As if you ever mean anything."

Once both of them finished eating, Sheldon formed a neat pile of garbage, stood and went back to his board. Picking up a red marker, he sighed and tapped a symbol on the board, complaining, "This wretched gamma particle's not obeying me."

"You know, me and the girls watched Zorro last night in Penny's apartment." Amy looked up with dreamy eyes. "Oh, the times I wish I was his sword."

Sheldon, confused with her last comment, turned and looked back at Amy for a few seconds. He looked away and then back again, unable to process what in the world she meant. Flinching a little, he went back to his formula.

"Oh, and that actress who played his wife. Her name is Esmeralda, I think?"

"No, I think that's Quasimodo's Gypsie girl slash friend," Sheldon bit on his lip and tapped the marker on his chin.

"Right. I forgot. Nevertheless… Oh how I wish I was her in the movie." Amy's eyes remained dreamy, remembering the tale of romance and heroism that she had taken in the night before.

"Well, if the actress' name is Amy Farrah Fowler, then we can say that you were in the movie."

Amy's dropped her chin to her chin, and she closed her eyes. "Just shut up Sheldon," she said wearily. "Finish your work!" Amy leans deeper into Raj's chair, her tone growing more whistful. She said, "If only I was as beautiful as Catherine Zeta Jones…"

"Wha- what did you say?" Sheldon's body suddenly stiffened and seemed to grow taller, his eyes growing rounder as he stared from her to his work and back.

"Shut up and finish your work?"

"No, no. The name that you just said, Joanna Catherina—"

"Catherine Zeta Jones?"

"Zeta! Beta!" He looked back at his whiteboard and wrote a weird-looking letter B on the other side of the equation. "That's it! Pefect!" His face actually cracked into a huge grin, and his eyes started to shine.

"What's 'Perfect?'" Amy took her turn to sound confused. She stood up and approached Sheldon's shoulder, looking at the board to investigate the radical change in Sheldon's temperate.

"Beta!" Sheldon energetically tapped the B on the board with the tip of his marker with three brusque beats. "All I needed was some beta particles to synthesize the dark matter surrounding the unknown cloud!" Sheldon startled to giggle, like the way he did when creating his mad libs.

"O…kay…" Amy was perfectly smart, but Physics were not her field. She was now staring at the numbers and symbols herself, mystified at what had caused the electric change in Sheldon's demeanor.

He turned and grabbed her by her shoulders, his eyes still shining as he looked at her. "Amy Farrah Fowler, YOU'RE A GENIUS!"

A split second later, their lips were in contact, his on hers. Amy couldn't keep her eyes from closing, and she lost track of time before she found herself wondering if he would let her go. But he didn't. He deepened the kiss, his hands closing around her back as he pulled her even closer. Amy's eyes fluttered as he made their kiss even more passionate. He unconsciously pinned her beside Raj's desk, and in the next moment all that was heard was Sheldon's groan.

#

The next day, Raj was walking towards his office when Leonard and Howard called for him.

"Hey Raj! Have you seen Sheldon?" Leonard and Howard closed the distance, coming up to stand by Raj's side.

"No. And I left earlier than the two of you, remember?"

"Yes, but Leonard said he never got home last night. Did he give you a heads-up on his whereabouts and maybe some notice on not showing up at work?"

"No, and still no." Raj shook his head and give his shoulders a shrug. All three of them walked up to the office door, with Raj reaching for the doorknob.

#

Sheldon opened his eyes and saw the angelic face of Amy Farrah Fowler, still asleep and her shoulders exposed.

"Wait," Sheldon thought, "That can't be right. Why are her shoulders bare?

He felt his right arm resting on top of warm and soft skin. Skin? He lifted his head and saw his arm was resting on top of her naked belly. NAKED! Oh dear lord, WE'RE BOTH NAKED!

With a glance to the clock on the wall, Sheldon saw that it was 7:55 in the morning. Although he could not process how they came to be lying there, naked on top of Raj's Brobdingnagian desk, he's still resting on his side, with Amy next to him. Their clothes are cluttered around the desk and on the floor beneath it. Hearing the footsteps getting louder, he nudged Amy, desperating hissing at her "AMY! AMY! AMY! Wake UP! WAKE UP, Darn it!"

#

Raj was about to turn the doorknob when Dean Gablehauser passed by.

"Dr. Gablehauser."

"Dr. Koothrappali."

"Dr. Gablehauser"

"Dr. Hofstadter."

"Dr. Gablehauser"

"Mr. Wolowitz."

"A pleasant morning to you, gentlemen."

"A pleasant morning to you too, Doctor." The three said in unison. They nodded their heads politely, and watched the Dean stroll down the hall.

Once the Dean was out of sight, Raj proceeded to open the door to his office. What they saw left all three of them staring, their mouths gaping open in shock.

Sheldon was in his office, standing behind Raj's desk, struggling to button up a cardigan that was too small for him. Amy, on the other hand, was trying to fix her skirt and wearing Sheldon's blue retro Batman tee-shirt. Her glasses are still skewed, sitting at a strange angle off the tip of her nose. Both of them sported tousled hair and were refusing to look at each other.

Leonard was the one who spoke first. "What's going on?", he said, pronouncing each word carefully.

"Nothing. Nothing." Sheldon tried to button the cardigan, repeating one last time, "Nothing." He looked up from the buttons that were straining over his chest, and saw they were looking back at him, at Amy, and finally at the leopard-spotted underwear lying on top of Raj's desk. Realizing that the cardigan was not his, or perhaps would not stay buttoned, Sheldon started taking it off, even as his eyes followed his friend's stunned looks. His eyes came to rest on the underwear, and he stopped cold. Amy suddenly found the hem of the shirt the most interesting thing in the world, while Sheldon's eyes went wide. With one fluid motion, he quickly scooped up the small piece of clothing and tucked it inside his pocket.

Leonard, Howard and Raj took one giant step backwards in unison, closing the door in front of them. The door shut, and after a second that seemed to last an eternity, Amy and Sheldon heard a fit of laughter from outside, and even someone pounding heavily at the door. "OH MY GOD THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" It sounded like Raj.

"IT MUST BE A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!" It clearly sounded like Howard.

Their laughter echoed off the doorway, and off the walls of the hallway and then seemed to retreat until they seemed to be gone entirely.

Sheldon, his face unreadable, went closer to Amy and stood beside her. She was still red and blushing profusely. "Amy, would you care for a drink?"

Amy pulled down the hem of the tee-shirt, and very slowly looked up at Sheldon and gave him a gentle smile. With perfect poise she looked him in the eye and answered, "Tepid water, please."