There are procedures for these things. Of course, the Signless wasn’t one to follow procedure, but they help you deal with things, sometimes.
If you lose your matesprit: generally, you wail until you break your voice. Over and over, to show how torn you are. A third of a sweep. Less, and you must’ve had someone else waiting to fill the quadrant; much more, and you’re pathetic, wasting time leaving a concupiscent quadrant empty.
If you lose your moirail, that’s even simpler: you’re lost, too. Pale as death, pale in death.
If what you had didn’t fit in a quadrant…
The Disciple tries to scream and her throat is stuck. She tries to die and her hand is stuck.
She knows that he wanted her to live. So she does that.
But not really.
She stays alive.