Alcohol + Clark
Disclaimer: Yeah. Blah blah. Not mine, don't make profit, purely to satisfy my kinkiness.
Spoilers: giggling No.
Author's note: Inspired by a close friend of mine who has a penchant for calling everyone on his cell phone directory when he's pissed drunk. No thanks for waking me up at 2:11 on a Thursday morning, dawg!
Feedback: Better than vodka. Okay, not really. But pretty damn close.
Thank you: Kathryn, angel and a half.
"What the fuck?!"
Lex flipped the lights on in his bedroom angrily. Three in the morning?! This better be fucking good. He snatched up the phone, glaring angrily at the caller ID. Paused. Chloe Sullivan?
He hesitantly answered. "Hello?" Lex grimaced at the static. Obviously a cell phone with very lousy reception.
"Lexxxx! Leeeeex. Lex Luthoooor."
That wasn't Chloe. That sounded suspiciously like... "Clark?"
"Heeey! How did ya know my name??"
It sounded suspiciously like a drunk Clark. "Are you drunk, Clark?"
"Drunk??" Pause. "No, I'm no..."
"You are sooooo drunk." Now that sounded like Chloe.
"Oh yeah. That's right." Much giggling on Clark's side of the line. "I am drunk."
Lex frowned. "How much have you had to drink?"
"Hmmm. I'm not sure. Haaanng on."
He could hear the conversation in the background. "Chlo. Heyyyyy, Sullivan!!"
"I can hear you just fine, Farm Boy."
"How much did I drink?"
"Do I look like your private secretary?"
He could hear Clark snickering. "You said private!"
This was pointless. "Clark?! Clark?!?!"
"Lex?" Clark wasn't speaking into the phone. "Where are you, Lex?"
"The phone, Clark!"
"Oh yeah. Sorry. How you doin', Lex?"
"I'm good. Where are you, Clark?"
"I..." Clark paused. "Hey, Chlo. Chlooeeeee!"
Fuck. Here we go again.
"Oh wait. I know where we are. We're in Pete's basement." Quiet. Then, Clark added with a snigger. "Pete's passed out. He's a wuss."
"Who else is there?"
"Just the three of us. Lana's not here, so you don't have to be jealous. I was thinking... about you all the time."
What?! Clark was thinking of... he must be hearing things... What?!
Jerked away from his thoughts when Clark yelled into the phone. "Oh, no!!!!!"
"What?! What happened?"
"I have to get home. I have to be home before my parents wake up. I'm in soooooo much trouble."
Lex could hear Clark getting up and then tripping over something. Grimaced at the loud smack of Clark's body hitting what sounded like cement.
"Clark? Are you okay?" Silence. "Clark?"
"I'm fine. I'm good." Long pause. "I can't move, Lex."
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"Oh wait. I can move." Clark shifting around. "But I don't want to. I think I'm just going to lie here."
"Clark. I'm coming right over."
"Hokay, Lex." Lex was about to hang up when Clark yelled again. "Lex!! Lex!! Wait."
"Can you bring some alcohol?"
Lex clicked the phone off to the sound of teen laughter.
When he got to the Ross home, he found Chloe and Clark sitting in the middle of the yard, staring at their mitt-covered hands. Clark looked up with a smile as Lex eased the Jag into the compound. Lex wrapped his jacket around him as he made his way to the two teenagers.
Clark was pouting. "Pete's brother kicked us out. He's bad."
"Bad, Mike. Baaaad." Chloe was shaking her head.
"Alright. Get in the car, both of you. I'm taking you home."
Both of them scrambled to their feet, grabbing each other, grabbing Lex. Finally, he managed to stuff them both into the back seat. When he got to the driver's seat, Clark was poking Chloe's arm.
"Leeex. Clark is poking me."
"Stop poking Chloe, Clark."
"She's so soft."
"I'm not soft. Stop touching meeee!"
Clark slumped back into his seat. "Lex! Leeeex!"
"Yeah, you're pretty hot... for a farm boy." Chloe was doubling over in laughter.
By the time they got to Chloe's house, Lex was about ready to throw himself out of the moving vehicle. Between the poking and the name-calling and the giggling, he was convinced - drunk teenagers were a nuisance.
"Come on, Chloe." Lex extended an arm to help her stumble out of the car, stepping back when her face came too close to his, breathing what smelled like vodka right into him. "Steady."
He grabbed her around the waist and guided her to the door. "Keys, Chloe?"
"Um. I don't..."
Clark leaned out of the car. "Underneath the frog."
Both Lex and Chloe whipped around. "Shhhhh!"
Lex did not want to get caught by Gabe. For fuck's sake, he had to work with the man. He propped Chloe up as he looked for the key under the frog on the porch. Groaning when she leaned over the railing and heaved into the bushes. Well, at least she didn't vomit in his car.
He pulled out his handkerchief and tried cleaning her face. At least she looked as if she felt bad about it. He opened the door, trying to drag her up the stairs quietly.
Leaning over, he whispered in her ear, "Where's your room?"
She lifted her shoulders conspiratorially and lowered her voice too. "Over there."
Lex cast a quick glance down the hallway, then hauled her into her room. Lots of papers and books, laptop in the corner, Hello Kitty alarm clock. Okay. It looked like her room. Pulling the covers down, he dropped her on the bed. Like he had with so many of his drunken friends in the past, he helped her out of her jacket and shoes before heaving her legs onto the bed and pulling the covers over her.
He leaned down. "Are you going to be okay?"
Chloe was staring blankly up at him, a happy smile on her lips. "You're really sexy, Lex."
Teenagers. "Good night."
Lex sneaked out of her room. This would look so bad. He really could not afford to get caught. Downstairs, he locked the door and slid the key back under the frog. His eyes widened when he saw Clark in the driver's seat of his car. Lex jogged quickly to the car with every intention of yanking Clark out of that seat.
Then as he got closer he broke into a grin. Clark was pretending to drive the car, sound effects and all. It was fucking adorable.
Clark turned lethargically towards him. "Heyyyy. Are we there yet?"
"Come on. Get into the passenger's seat."
Clark pouted. "I want to drive."
"You said I could drive when I turned 16." whimper
"Not when you're drunk."
"But I'm all grown up." Clark stood up, very close to him, a huge grin on his face. "See. I'm taller than you."
Oh, Lord. Clark was standing way too temptingly close. "You've always been taller than me."
"Oh yeaaaah." Clark pouted again, reaching out one unsteady finger, with great concentration, to poke Lex's shoulder. "You're no fun, Lex."
"Get in the passenger seat." Lex grabbed Clark by the waist and pushed him towards the other side of the car.
"You're so pushyyy." He maneuvered Clark into the seat. "I like it!"
Lex stepped back to close the door.
"Wait! You need to get in the car too." Firm fingers wrenched him into the car.
He was sprawled over Clark in the most uncomfortable position imaginable. As gracefully as he could, he pushed off Clark. "There's a door on the other side." Lex pointed at the other door patiently.
Clark turned to look at the door. "Oh yeah."
Shaking his head, Lex stood up, trying to close the door again.
"Wait." Clark was leveraging himself with the dashboard, clearly intending to step out of the car. "I'll help you get into the car."
"NO!" Lex shoved him back in his seat. "Just. Don't move."
He slammed the door shut quickly. Drunk Clark was going to be a handful.
The drive to Clark's wasn't that bad. Not his favourite Clark moment, but not enough to make him stab himself with his car keys. Clark found the radio and turned it to the `easy listening' channel, which, in itself, wasn't the worst thing in the world. Except Clark then decided to sing along. If Lex thought that listening to Michael Bolton sing was the most cruel and unusual punishment, he quickly revised that opinion when he heard Clark singing a Michael Bolton song. Well, there was one thing that Clark definitely did not excel in.
He pulled up quietly to the side of the barn. There was no way in hell he was going to let Jonathan catch him - Lex liked his head very much and wanted to keep it on his neck. He walked around the car and dragged Clark out. Clark draped his arm around Lex happily, letting Lex direct him towards the barn.
"Hey, Lex. Do you work out? You feel really... nice." Clark was smiling dreamily inches away from Lex's face.
"Shh." Lex shot a worried glance at the house.
Clark lowered his voice. "Oh, right. Hokay."
They stumbled up the stairs together. Clark was really heavy. Lex dumped him on the couch, then bent down to remove Clark's shoes. Suddenly, Clark's hands were on Lex's head, rubbing circles.
"Hey. Did you notice that you're bald? It's really soft. Feel it." Clark tried to grab Lex's wrist.
"I've felt my head before, Clark."
"Oh. Right." Clark sounded downright desolate, then brightened impossibly. "But I have hair. Feel my hair, instead." He grabbed Lex's hand insistently, threading Lex's fingers through his hair.
"I've felt hair before..." But none so soft and silky and... perfect.
Clark had drawn Lex up to face level, in between Clark's spread legs. All Lex had to do was lean forward ever so slightly and his lips would brush Clark's...
"Heeey. Did you know you have a scar on your lip?" Clark was practically breathing the words into Lex's mouth.
sniff. "I don't have any scars." Clark pouted. Then his eyes lit up in excitement. "I'm sure you have plenty of scars. Show me."
Clark's huge hands were on Lex, lifting up his shirt, groping the sensitive skin on his stomach.
Lex grabbed at Clark's hands. "Clark. Stop it."
Clark stilled, a sulk forming. "Show me one."
Lex stared into resolute eyes, then relented. He lifted his shirt and showed Clark the welt just beneath his right nipple. Clark looked at in awe, lifting one careful finger to trace the three-inch scar. Lex had to take a steadying breath to control himself. His dick was hardening and he had to get out of here as fast as he could.
"I can kiss it and make it better."
Jesus! Without warning, Clark bent down and kissed the scar. Lex wanted to rip off all his clothes and have Clark make each and every scar on his body better.
Clark was smiling at him again. "Don't want to show favoritism. I'd better kiss this one too."
Then Clark was brushing his lips against Lex's. He closed his eyes, unable to move or think beyond lusciously soft lips caressing his ever so lightly. What was he doing?! Clark was drunk. Lex pushed back abruptly, frozen on his feet.
Found words. "Are you going to be okay?"
Lex nodded quickly and then got the hell out of that barn. Careful to back out quietly, he jammed the gas pedal to the floor and sped all the way home.
Clark leaned out of the barn window, watching as Lex's car jerked into full speed as soon as it was out of the Kent driveway. He waved goodbye even though he knew that Lex didn't see him. Then he trotted cheerfully back to the couch, sprawling himself haphazardly.
Smiled to himself as he whispered into the cool night air, "It's fun to pretend I'm drunk."