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Harry Potter and the Comic Geek

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Harry Potter and the Comic Geek

by Artemis

Rating: PG-13
Disclaimers: I don't own the pretty boys or their friends in the Smallville universe. If I did, the CLex would be riftless and eternally in love. Neither money nor profits were made in the creation or posting of this story, and I have no money anyway. Spoilers: Season 1 -- Season 2. Completely AU from there. Summary: Lex describes the finer points of world domination and its impracticalities. Warnings: Same Sex (MALE/MALE) relationship. If this turns you off or offends, go back now. Author NOTE: MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU WANT TO READ THE STORY UNSPOILED. A small exercise to try to break through writer's block. I'd just finished reading a Draco/Harry fanfic, and this was the result. Dedicated to Chris J Ueberall, who wrote "Clark Kent and the Stuff of Legends". Her story made me want to read Smallville/Harry Potter crossovers, which I'd have thought an impossible fandom crossover before reading her brilliant work. Highly recommended, one of my favorite stories to read when I want a happy, her story can be found If my note confused or scared you, to clarify: this story is NOT a crossover. October 2004.

Harry Potter and the Comic Geek
By Artemis
October 2004

"All right," Lex announced, slamming down a book onto the tabletop as he sat down on the chair opposite Clark. Or rather, not really slamming down the book, because that would have been too common or mundane or something, but Clark translated the gesture as the Luthor version of slamming. "Don't ever say I didn't do anything for you because after reading that drivel I expect unceasing adulation for going far beyond the call of duty. Mere friendship doesn't begin to cover such..."

Clark blinked once at the declaration. Twice. And then looked down at the book, Lex's voice a soft drone in the background.


Lex scowled slightly, or rather, it was the Luthor version of a scowl, because Luthors didn't display overt emotions in public. Rarely even in private, and Clark tried not to think too hard about how well he'd learned to pick up the subtleties in Luthor body language since he was fairly sure it said unflattering things about how obsessive he was about his older boyfriend. Because he wasn't obsessive. At all. Whatsoever.

Anyone who said otherwise was a big, fat liar.

Stupid Chloe.

Clark frowned.

Peering at Clark, eyes moving over the teenager carefully, Lex asked suspiciously, "Are you even listening to me?"

Green eyes gazed at the book for a second longer before moving up to stare at the local billionaire heir in bewilderment. "Harry Potter?"

Lex let out a breathy little sigh from the back of his throat that had Clark's cock perking up. Sadly enough, the sigh was so soft that only superhearing had been able to pick it up so it wasn't like Clark really had a valid excuse for feeling...perky. That didn't stop the next involuntary sigh from being any less sexy. Nevertheless, the slight irritation in Lex's blue eyes had Clark straightening up in his chair despite sudden--and inspired--visions of dragging Lex back into his office for an impromptu afterschool makeout session.

"Clark," Lex enunciated slowly, the name dragged out ominously. "You were the one who told me they were the greatest books ever, which, by the way, makes me want to thank my father for my private school education. Do you realize how disturbing it is to want to thank Dad for anything?"

Clark looked blankly at Lex.

"Literature," Lex said with relish, clearly wanting to explain his cryptic comments. "Do I even want to know the poor excuse for literature that you were required to read in school as per your curriculum? Or was the Harry Potter series considered one of the classics?"

Flashing a smile at his aggrieved boyfriend, Clark couldn't help rolling his eyes. Mentally. This was an old argument, Lex feeling that the state of mass education of America's youth was something not exactly to be desired. Especially Clark's education at Smallville High. Or in Lexian translation: lack of education.

As if learning Latin or Greek were necessary.

Clark had found that being a Luthor, more than anything, pretty much meant you had an opinion on everything, especially on how Not Good most things were. Which, of course, wouldn't be the case if a Luthor were in charge of running the universe, and Clark was always a little unclear on which Luthor should be left in charge and how godhood should be bestowed on the lucky Luthor, whoever he may be.

Frankly, Clark didn't think any of the three Luthors he knew would make good deities, even if Lex did deserve to be a sex god. Or maybe a god who knew a lot of stuffy facts. Like maybe Athena, but with a dick?

Clark blinked at the mental image that brought to mind. Lex, wearing nothing but some laurel leaves. Or surrounded by little cherubs, on some big shell, like that famous painting. Naked. Very, very naked. Okay, so maybe if there was a lot of nakedness and even more gratuitous sex--just for him, though--he could get on board with the whole god thing.

Not that he would ever, ever, ever tell any of this to Lex. He could just picture his reaction, and it wouldn't be pretty. Disrespecting ancient myths or legends was a one-way street to enforced celibacy, and he was hoping for some serious necking later.

Lex sighed dramatically, unaware of the bizarre workings of Clark Kent's mind. "Clark, I read the entire series for you. You could show a little appreciation."

That got his attention. "Lex, it's a great's, like, one of the most popular series out there. It's sold all over the world. There's movies, and dolls, and, and, everything."

"Movies. Dolls. Everything," Lex echoed slowly.

Clark flushed, but he met Lex's gaze earnestly with wide eyes. He really started to get into it, getting excited as he talked about one of his favorite books. "You know what I mean. Everyone loves Harry Potter. Kids. Adults. It's an epic fantasy that spans the generational gap, rich in imagination, originality, and lovable characters." He remembered someone saying that in some interview, and he totally agreed. "It's the ultimate coming of age story, following a young boy overcoming adversity and learning to connect to the world around him."

Lex was silent for a moment, taking in Clark's response. He had on his 'I'm thinking face,' which was always flattering. After all, Lex was the smartest person Clark had ever met, and he always listened to Clark seriously. Sometimes he didn't agree with what Clark said or thought, but he heard him out. He never treated him like some dumb kid, and coming from someone as sophisticated and worldly as Lex, that meant the world to the teenager.

"I'll give you that," Lex said reluctantly. "It was imaginative, and I agree, some aspects were quite original, such as Quidditch. But it was hardly realistic, and its overly simplistic view of the world was stifling. Possibly even depressing, and hardly the type of material that children should be exposed to."


Okay, that wasn't the most brilliant question. But again...huh? These books were perfect for children!

The older man just let out a quiet humph. "The books are entirely from Harry's point of view, which works well as the vehicle for the story. But either because of this, or perhaps just the lack of complexity on the author's behalf, most of the characters are static. Ron, portrayed as the ultimate friend, clearly befriends Harry because he's famous, and he remains Harry's friend when things are going well. When Harry's 'goodness' seems in question, his friends, the supposedly saintly Gryffindors, all scorn him, Ron included. Even more disturbing, Harry doesn't see anything wrong with this, and goes so far as to villainize the Slytherins, which is blatant discrimination, and an unfair one at that. It's appalling how such open bigotry is passed off as being rightfully justified."

Clark stared. Took this in. And then blurted out, "Oh my God. You like the Slytherins!"

Heads turned towards their table, and the waitresses near the counter started to twitter. Clark slumped down a little in his seat, face flushing bright red up to his raven locks. Lex, on the other hand, just straightened even more while an imperious calm settled over him like a cloak. Clark didn't say anything until after one of the girls finished bringing over Lex's usual cappuccino.

Perks of being the principle owner of the Talon.

After taking a few sips and getting settled in, Lex sent Clark a look. "It's an overly simplistic view of the world, and an unfair one at that. It's ridiculous as a premise that you'd have a school where you sort the students into four categories, and one of those categories is 'evil'. In fact, the whole black-and-white good-versus-evil themes of the series were simplified to unreasonable proportions. It just gives people an excuse in everyday life on why they treat others so shabbily, encouraging blind discrimination due to self-righteous preconceived notions of conformity."

Now Clark had to repress his own sigh, and not a breathy, sexy one. Did Lex have to use the most words possible to make a point?

Getting more animated, Lex continued, "Like the Malfoys. Lucius Malfoy is a cardboard villain, and his son is cardboard villain junior, both being written by the author in a carelessly negligent, one-dimensional manner. Draco doesn't change at all over five years, remaining the petty and mean bully Harry remembers as an eleven-year-old, nor do we ever see a hint of complexity to Draco or any of the other Slytherins. We hardly even see any complexity in the 'good characters', such as Ron or Hermoine, who we're clearly supposed to relate to."

"That's not true," Clark argued. There was plenty of complexity...he just couldn't think of any off hand. "Ummmm..."

Lex barely even noticed Clark speaking. "The books also glorify Harry as some boy hero, but in reality, he's nothing more than a boy zero who just gets by--" Choking sounds erupted from Clark, causing people to turn around and stare again. Lex just continued on, not noticing a thing as he warmed to his topic. "--academically and in his adventures, with luck being more of a factor than skill or talent. Without Hermoine, his only intelligent friend, he'd have died in the first book. That doesn't even factor in how blind Harry is, mindlessly worshipping Dumbledore, who clearly manipulates Harry into situations where the boy has to go against Voldemort. The old man is one of the few interesting characters in the book, he so slyly maneuvers events and people around him with such masterful subtly that no one even suspects he's following some hidden agenda. Yet, it quickly becomes annoying how we only see him through Harry's eyes, so he always comes off as a half-senile goody-goody."


Lex plowed on in his diatribe. "And Voldemort. What a laugh! For a supposed brilliant dark wizard, he went about world domination rather stupidly, especially if he couldn't outthink a trio of preteens who are alive out of pure luck. Following his plans to their ultimate conclusion, he'll have to kill most of the wizarding world just to remain in power, and who destroys the very population you want to control? Who wants to be the king of nothing? He'll have to deal with constant rebellion, as well as eliminate the best minds and talents of his time in order to hold onto his power base, and his current system of creating toady Death Eaters means the suppression of independent thought and creativity. Within three generations, he'd create a sycophant society that would bring about the de-evolution of civilization as we know it."

De-evolution of civilization?

Clark asked tentatively, "You do know this is just fiction."

Lex either didn't hear Clark or didn't care. He went on, his voice getting more passionate, "In fact, world domination in theory may be nice to fantasize about, but in practicality it just wouldn't work. Especially in today's age, where we can't even get the nation states of our planet to agree on whether or not the holes in the ozone are going to fry our collective asses! With the varying degrees of technological advancement, the huge disparity of the haves and have nots across the globe, and the religious ideologies that still create wars and genocide, the very idea of world domination is preposterous."

Clark eyed Lex warily.

"Now, world annihilation is a completely different story," Lex said, leaning forward, blue eyes gleaming. "No muss, no fuss, and much more simple. There are multiple examples in literature of mumph--"

Shutting Lex up with a kiss, Clark slid his tongue in with relish. God, Lex could talk more than anyone Clark knew, and while he normally loved Lex's voice...this was much better. Lex seemed to agree, getting with the program and kissing him back.

Leaning in closer, Clark pressed his mouth lightly against warm lips. Once. Twice. Before straightening up in his chair. He noticed out of the corner of his eyes that a few bemused looks were being shot their way, along with a few glares from a handful of adults. Most of the old farming community was still adjusting to the idea of a gay Kent, especially one dating a horrifyingly male Luthor. Not that Clark cared. He only had nine more months of school left, and then he'd be gone.

College was going to be good. Very, very good. Especially since Lex had already said he'd follow Clark wherever he decided to go.

"What did I do to deserve that?"

Clark shrugged, sliding his backpack on his shoulder as he stood up. He couldn't exactly tell Lex that he read way too many comic books. World domination? World annihilation? Sometimes he really wondered who the alien was in the relationship. Picking up his coffee mug, he barely waited long enough for Lex to pick up his own mug before grabbing Lex's hand and tugging the Luthor heir towards the back. To his boyfriend's very empty--and very isolated--office.

After all, he should show his appreciation for Lex's attempt to get involved in his interests.

It was just good manners.