by Alicia Malone
For Skaterboy, for suggesting a few changes. g
Of all the secrets Clark had to keep, the only one he actually enjoyed was that Lex was fucking him.
Clark really thought he was in love with Lana, and Lex meant every word of affection he bestowed on Helen. Their clandestine affair was just one of desire, one that arose from the urgent need to touch.
He never understood why he was so drawn to Lex, but Lex didn't seem to mind large hands trailing along his pale skin, so Clark never once complained.
Lex never spoke of the fact they were both male, and Clark never would, for fear of Lex realizing that touching each other was a mistake. He may not have been in love with Lex, but he wasn't ready to give him up.
Things changed after Lex was rescued from the island he'd washed up on, half-dead. He was harder, more guarded than before. Clark could see the hurt flicker in his eyes, the accusations, the questions. Why weren't you at my wedding? Why didn't you see me off? _Why didn't you save me?_
He wanted to drop to his knees and explain everything to Lex; the ship and its destruction, how he ran away from his problems to Metropolis, how he spent three months on his knees for anyone who looked like Lex, how he was so wrapped up in his own world he didn't realize Lex was even missing until they finally found him.
Clark wanted to confess that it was Lex's return to Smallville that made him take the ring off and come home.
He couldn't though. It was yet another secret he had to keep from his best friend.
Lex didn't touch Clark anymore, not like he had before. Clark ached because of it, his body crying out for his lover. The looks Lex gave him weren't the same. Instead of hot eyes promising a night of passion, they were cold, distant, everything Clark never wanted to see in Lex.
Clark didn't feel special anymore, like he was the center of Lex's universe. It didn't take him long to realize that he missed it, and he'd have to do something about it.
Clark tried to hide the pain of looking into those icy eyes, knowing that he couldn't. "What, Clark?"
"Can we-- I mean." Clark shifted nervously. "I miss you."
A brow arched. "I'm right here, Clark."
Clark replied quietly, "But you aren't with me anymore."
It took Clark four more stalled tries before Lex caught on. Or, as Clark believed, he finally started to melt. Clark couldn't hide the blinding smile when he finally saw a glimpse of the Lex he knew before, when Lex finally reached out and touched him again.
It was heaven; Lex hovered over Clark, stroking his body, making him arch. No matter how many people Clark had let touch him in Metropolis, no one touched him like Lex. No one made him feel the way Lex did.
It wasn't until an hour after the second time Clark finally understood.
Things were different.
The sex was different. It was still as hot, still made Clark harder than he thought he could ever be, but Lex touched him almost dispassionately. Instead of being concerned about Clark's enjoyment, it was obvious that Lex was there for his own.
For the first time since they'd started sleeping together, Clark felt like Lex's whore.
Of all the secrets Clark had to keep, the one he hated the most was the fact that Lex was fucking him.