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Rub a Dub Dub

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Rub a Dub Dub

by Alison

TITLE: Rub a Dub Dub 1/1

AUTHOR: spasticat

PAIRING: Clark/Lex

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: None.

DISTRIBUTION: Lists are fine, anyone else please ask first.

FEEDBACK: Would make Rubber Ducky squeak with delight.

DISCLAIMER: The characters are owned by large corporate entities. No profit sought nor intended with this story.

STORY TYPE: A dialogue driven Humor/PWP ficlet.

DEDICATION: To Paul and Zahra for the beating...I mean betaing. To the WWBKD gang for you guys know what Brian Kinney would do. And to those who had the misfortune of AIMing me many a late night, you're peachy!

SUMMARY: Clark inquires about the size of Lex's...tub. Lex shows him. Mm, rub a dub dub...Lex and Clark in a tub. Mmmm.

"Lex?"

"Yes, Clark?"

"I was wondering...no, never mind, you look busy. I should go."

"Clark, come back. I was busy but I could use the break. See, I'm closing the laptop. My attention is all yours."

"Are you sure? I could come back tomorrow or the next day or maybe next month. Yeah, next month sounds good to me. See ya."

"God, who fed you the extra helping of martyrdom? Get back in here, and tell me what's on your mind."

"It's nothing, really..."

"Clark, this is wearing thin."

"If you're sure."

"I'm counting to ten."

"Ok, ok. How many people would fit in your tub?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're rich, I bet you have a big tub."

"Plural, Clark, I have more than one. Seven to be exact."

"Oh. Have you tried them all?"

"I might have, why are you asking me this?"

"We only have the one and it's small and...well, I was just curious."

"Curious about what?"

"How many people can fit in your tub."

"Are you speaking euphemistically?"

"Wha? Um...I don't think so. I just wanted to know."

"Are you planning a party? Because if there's going to be a party involving my tub I do think it should be my decision."

snort

"You've been ingesting too much sugar again, haven't you?"

"No."

"..."

"I swear...ok, maybe one bag of Twizzlers and a can of pop. Or two." pause "Ok, three."

"Does that include the one in your hand?"

"Um, that's four."

"I'm cutting you off."

"Fine. So, can I see them?"

"See what, Clark?"

"The tubs. If you're going to have a party I'd like to see them."

"You're odd."

*

"I don't like this tub, Lex."

"Victoria liked it well enough."

shudder

"I take it this tub doesn't make the cut?"

"No, it's kinda cold and it has all those doohickies that might hurt somebody."

"What's a little party without a little excitement and danger?"

"Bathrooms are the number one cause of most household injuries."

"Clark, you're the one who wants to have a soiree in a tub."

"I was just being hypothetical."

"So we don't have to see the other tubs?"

"Hypothetically speaking, I think we should."

"You're getting weirder by the minute, Clark."

*

"How's this one?"

"Hm, better than the last four."

"I'm glad you approve. I chose this one."

"Would make sense, Lex, it's in your bathroom."

"You're quite observant. Is it party worthy?"

"It does meet with all safety standards. Faucet and hardware not in the way. Plenty of sitting space...but..."

"But what?"

"I don't know."

"Clark, why are you climbing in my tub?"

"Checking it for fit."

"And...?"

"Well, so far it's pretty comfortable. But I'm just one guy."

"Yes, you are, Clark. A pretty tall guy."

"Right now I can sit comfortably and stretch my legs out, but what if there were another person? You can't have a party with just one guy."

"Um...cough...yeah."

"We should really test it out with at least one other person."

"I see...and I should volunteer myself as the test subject?"

"That would be great, Lex."

"Are you sure you don't want to check out the other tubs?"

"But," pout "We haven't finished testing this one."

"Clark, did you realize this also doubles as a shower?"

"No...Ok, now I see the jets in the wall. But there aren't any doors."

"They pull out from the wall. All very discreet."

"Yeah but..."

"Nothing like a shower for a quick cool-down."

"Wait, Lex. NO!"

"I'm sorry, it's hard to hear you under the roar of the water pressure. If you want, I can adjust the pulse and the pivot of the body sprays."

"Doesn't matter NOW as I'm already wet."

"You're in a shower, Clark, people get wet in them all the time."

"Yeah, I know, but they're usually naked."

pause "You should've thought of that before you got in my shower."

"Are you sure you're 21?"

"Last time I checked."

"Well, be an adult and help me out, I'm soaking. Remember what I said? That most accidents occur..."

"...in the bathroom. Yes, Clark, I was listening. I don't think I trust you."

"Fine, I'm wash and wear. I'll stay put."

"Don't be ridiculous, you're soaking."

"Yep, sopping wet here."

"Did you have to shake the water off like that?"

"It was getting in my eyes."

"And now it's all over my suit. God, you're like a big dog."

"What kind?"

"Damn it, Clark, you did it again. Would you stop it and just get out?"

"Nope. Now...what kind of dog am I? Or this time it'll be a full body shake."

"I don't know, something big and goofy with wavy black hair. A Newfoundland."

"What's that?"

"Something big and goofy with wavy black hair."

"Thanks."

"You asked."

"I could be mean and say you're like one of those hairless dogs from Mexico but I'm not like that."

"No, you're just weird."

"Heh, but I do know I'd like to..."

"Clark!"

"Yes?"

"I'm sopping wet."

"Yeah, but now we know two can fit in here."

"I already knew that."

"Oh...um...I see."

"Jesus, don't pull the wounded puppy routine on me."

"I'm ok, I think."

"You know, you don't have to still hold me, I won't slip."

"Oops, sorry."

"You still haven't let go."

"I'm not sure I want to."

"I see."

"Lex, does this bother you?"

"Certain parts of me, yes."

"Those certain parts look like they're enjoying this."

"Due to the fact my clothes are drenched it is quite apparent. Same could be said for you."

"You've got some water hanging off your nose."

"I feel so glamorous."

"Can I lick it off?"

"..."

"Or should I start with that big drop hanging off your lip?"

"I think...yes, that would be a good idea."

"Mm, tastes pretty good. Let's try the drops on your chin."

"Clark, do you realize what you're doing?"

"Yes, licking you."

"Don't you think that's a little strange?"

"So, let me get this straight, me grinding against your cock is normal but licking your nose is strange?"

"I'm not going to ask where you learned to talk like that."

"Fine, because it wasn't on the internet. I'll have you know I possess a pretty active imagination."

"And a pretty active tongue. Can you do me a favor, Clark?"

"Yes?"

"Can you shut up so I can lick you?"

"..."

"Finally. Now relax, I think you're going to like this."