Disclaimer: Who technically "owns" Lex and Clark anyway? I want to know! ... Ok, apparently The WB and DC Comics "technically" do. Not me though. sigh I wish!
Summary: This is an extremely short story about Lex getting a case of the hiccups and Clark helping him get rid of them.
Feedback: Please feel free to drop me a line about how much you liked or even possibly hated this fic. I live for your comments.
Clark walked through the open doorway of Lex's study carrying a large wooden crate full of fresh apples, pears and oranges. He walked slowly with them, careful not to drop the fragile produce. He called out while keeping his attention on the crate. "Where would you like me to set these, Lex?"
When Lex didn't answer immediately, Clark looked up from his box. The sight before him was definitely not what Clark was expecting. Lex was standing with his legs slightly spread apart and his hands and elbows planted firmly on top of his baldhead. His friend's clothes appeared to be rumpled as if he had been sleeping in them and there were dark circles underneath his closed eyes.
It was rather odd for Lex to be doing Yoga, if that was what he was doing, Clark thought as he worried over Lex's appearance.
He cleared his throat to try and gain Lex's attention, but to no avail. After a few minutes he spoke softly, "Lex? Are you ok?" When there was no response, Clark quickly laid the box of fruit onto the floor and rushed to Lex's side.
When Clark placed his warm hand on Lex's right shoulder, the older man's eyes flew open and he exhaled slowly. He unwrapped both of his arms from around his head then blinked up at Clark and hiccupped. With an exasperated sigh, Lex exclaimed, "Fuck! I can't hic get rid of these hic fucking hiccups for the hic life of me!"
Trying his hardest not to smile in relief and at the humor of the situation, Clark asked, "You have a bad case of the hiccups?"
A cold glare was directed Clark's way, which made the younger man bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
"Thanks for hic stating the hic obvious, Clark. But I don't hic get hiccups! I've hic never had them hic for as long as I've hic lived!"
"Really? Never?" Clark's sarcastic expression made Lex scowl.
Ignoring the scowl, the farm boy smiled and shook his head as he proceeded to walk back over to where he had placed his fruit and bent down to retrieve them.
"Honestly, Lex. Don't you think you are taking this a little too seriously? If you would just relax I'm sure they would go away. You're so tense all of the time."
"I'm hic taking this too hic seriously? I've been hic up all night hic trying to relax, hic Clark. That hic doesn't work!" With a huff, Lex turned away from Clark and sat down at his desk.
Feeling guilty, Clark swallowed hard and looked at Lex. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."
A loud hiccup cut Clark off. "I hic know, Clark. Just hic go home."
The pitiful expression on Lex`s face made Clark's heart melt. "No, I'm going to help you get rid of them." Setting down the fruit a second time, Clark walked over to Lex's desk. "What have you done so far?"
"I have a Web hic page up with hic all of the known hic cures.... but you hic don't have to hic stay here hic if you'd rather hic go home."
"I'm not leaving until you're cured. So, just deal with it." Clark walked around the older man's desk to see the Website. He had to giggle at one particular cure.
"What hic are you hic laughing at?" Lex sounded hurt to Clark's ears.
Clark blushed and answered, "This one cure says, `Think of all the bald men you can.'"
"Oh, hic I've tried that hic already, hic and as you can tell, hic it didn't work."
"How many bald men can you think of, Lex? Besides yourself of course."
"You'd be hic surprised. Not including hic myself, I know hic well over fifty. hic When I was little hic my mom showed hic me pictures of hic all the different actors hic and cartoon characters that hic were bald to hic help me cope with hic my hair loss. hic I had a great hic many role models."
Clark nodded in understanding as he listened to Lex talk. He could only imagine what it must've been like growing up without any hair. He smiled and said, "Including, Warrior Angel?"
Lex smiled back. "Of hic course."
A few moments of silence passed before Clark realized he had been staring at the back of Lex's shiny head and was just itching to touch it. He rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms nervously onto his jean-clad thighs then directed his attention to the computer screen.
Suddenly, one cure popped out at Clark from the screen. "Have you tried standing on your head?"
Lex blinked up at Clark with a look of disdain. "Luthors hic don't hic stand on their hic heads."
"We can put a pillow on the floor for you to lay your head on."
"If you think hic for one hic second I'm going to hic stand on my hic head..."
"Lex, I'm just saying that if you want to get rid of them you need to explore all of your options."
Another glare was directed Clark`s way.
"Come on! I'll be there the whole time. I won't let you fall, I promise." Clark smiled wide.
"I must be hic pretty desperate." Lex paused for a few seconds and then with a huff quietly agreed, "All right. hic Let's do it hic against that wall hic over there."
Clark just smiled wider and watched as Lex walked over to the couch, got a leather pillow, and placed it on the floor against the wall. Then in one fluid motion he placed his hands on either side of the pillow and hoisted his legs up and over his head. His heels hit the wall with a dull thud then quickly began to list to the side.
Clark just watched for a while, snapping out of his amusement, when Lex yelped out his name, and grabbed a hold of his friend's legs to steady him.
"I hic won't let hic you fall, I hic promise"
"Hey! I caught you!"
Lex snorted, "How hic long do I have to hic remain this way, hic Clark?"
"Well, until the hiccups go away."
"Are you hic kidding me?!"
With a gentle squeeze of Lex's calves, Clark calmly replied, "Just stop talking and concentrate."
Two minutes passed before Lex finally said, "I think they are gone now."
"Good!" Clark slowly lowered Lex's legs and helped his friend back onto his feet. "Are they really gone?"
Lex paused for a few seconds. "I think so..." Lex smiled and started towards his desk. He got about half of the way there before he hiccupped three times in a row.
A cry of frustration came from the older man's lips. "No! hic "
Clark frowned. "I'm sorry, Lex. What else can we do?"
"hic Nothing! I've done hic everything!"
"Let me look at this list again." Clark quickly scanned the entire page and settled on a few he thought might work. "Ok, let me look at your chest."
"Stand still and let me look."
"Ok, hic fine."
Clark switched on his x-ray vision, looking past Lex's skin and muscle to focus on his esophagus.
After checking Lex's chest, Clark placed both of his hands on either of Lex's sides and started to massage just underneath his ribcage. When that failed to provide any relief, Clark began to press his fingers just below the center of Lex's ribcage gently in and up at the same time in a continuing motion.
A giggle caused Clark to stop concentrating on Lex's chest and look up into the humor induced watery eyes of his friend. "What's so funny?"
"That kind hic of tickles."
Clark poked Lex playfully and teased him. "Oh, really?"
As if just realizing what he had admitted, Lex started to back away but Clark kept up with him. "hic Uh, oh...hic "
"Thanks for letting me know that Luthors aren't immune to tickling either. That might come in handy."
"Please don't hic tell anyone. My hic reputation would be hic ruined."
Clark shook his head at Lex and then reached out to steady his friend, resuming his earlier administrations to his chest. "You know your secret's safe with me." He said before grinning up at Lex. "But I don't forget easily."
Lex sighed with relief then hiccupped a few times in a row. "What are you hic doing exactly?"
"I'm trying one of the suggestions on that page. But it isn't working, is it?"
A loud hiccup was Clark's answer. The frustrated young man stopped what he was doing and with a look of determination across his features, he cupped Lex's face gently within his two hands. "There is one more thing we haven't tried."
Lex swallowed hard and spoke with a choked voice. "W-what is hic that?"
Being this close to Lex's lips just made Clark want to lick them. He settled for licking his own but the simple movement caused Lex to open his mouth a little and take in a sharp breathe.
Now his friend's mouth looked absolutely impossible to pass up. With a soft moan, Clark leaned in and pressed his lips against Lex's. What started out as a simple kiss but led to a thorough exploration of Lex's mouth.
Sliding his tongue inside the warm pink depths, Clark licked against Lex's tongue awkwardly at first but gradually gained the courage to use it to gently swipe across Lex's sharp teeth and the dark red expanse of his mouth.
He kept telling himself this was just to cure his friend's case of hiccups but he couldn't lie to himself anymore than he could lie to the man pressed against him.
The tastes of spicy vanilla beans and the tangy sweet citrus of freshly squeezed oranges overloaded Clark's senses and just made him want to take his time relishing every different flavor Lex had to offer.
As Lex reciprocated it made Clark want to lose himself for eternity in that moment but instead he broke free from the kiss and stepped back to look at his breathless best friend.
The overwhelming feeling of total embarrassment swallowed Clark whole and he panicked. "Are they gone?"
"What?" Lex looked at Clark with a puzzled expression then realization dawned. "Oh, I think so."
Clark cleared his throat. "Good. Um, well... I better be going."
A mask fell across Lex's features that made Clark wince. "Sure. Thanks." He answered in a distant voice.
Turning around, Lex made his way over to his desk and began typing. He never once looked up. Not even when Clark came to stand next to him.
A hand reached out to lay on top of his shoulder. "Lex?"
The fingers on the keyboard paused and there was a brief moment of silence before Lex looked up into the eyes of his best friend. "Yes?"
"I think you still have the hiccups."
"No, I don't... oh." Clark quickly pressed his lips against Lex's in an even more passionate kiss than before.
When both were satisfied and breathless, Clark whispered against Lex's ear from his position across his lap. "Are your hiccups gone now?"
Lex chuckled softly and rustled Clark's hair with his fingertips. "I'm afraid so.
"Well, I'm going to have to come up with a better excuse to kiss you now."
"Why don't you just kiss me whenever you feel like it."
"That sounds good to me."