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Untitled "no phone sex for J2" ficlet

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Jared has been gone for almost a week before Jensen finally gets to talk to him again, and it just fucking figures that he calls at 5-fucking-am.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Jensen asks groggily, stretching and yawning hugely into the phone.

"Yes," Jared responds, and he sounds entirely too cheery. "Sorry, just wanted to talk to you. Sorry I haven't picked up, but you know how it is."

"Yeah, yeah," mutters Jensen, "big shot movie star, shooting at all kinds of odd hours. Doesn't mean you gotta ruin the sleep for everyone else, though."

Jensen can practically hear Jared grimace good-naturedly into the phone. "Aw, someone sounds spoiled with the sitcom life. Come on, we used to do this, man, like--every day!"

"I know," Jensen agrees, rubbing more sleep out of his eyes, because damnit, he hasn't spoken to his boyfriend in almost a week, and despite the God-awful hour, he wants to! And really, it wouldn't do him any good to fall asleep in the middle of the conversation. "It sucked then, and it sucks now. So I take it this means you're off to set?"

"Just got done for the day actually," Jared responds. "Back in my hotel room now. How about you?"

With a glance at the time on the phone's display, Jensen shrugs a bit and pushes the covers half off his chest. "Not due at the studio for another four hours. You totally owe me for waking me up, bitch."

"Oh really? Well--what are you wearing?" Jared asks, tone suddenly suggestive, and shit--Jensen's eyes open fully at that, and he half leans up on his elbow, propping his shoulder against the headboard.

"Really?" he asks, not sure whether he asks in disbelief or hopefulness. "You want to do this?"

"Well," says Jared, more suggestive still, and Jensen can hear something that sounds like--nope, that's definitely the sound of a zipper going down, "I did wake you up, which means you're already in bed, naked, if I know you right--and I think I do."

"You know me," Jensen says with a bit of a nervous laugh. "I like being comfortable."

"I hope you are," Jared responds, then follows it with a throaty Mmmm that instantly makes Jensen's cock sit up and take notice. "I miss you, you know. Every day, I miss you. Miss having you touch me."

Jensen smirks at that, but can't help trailing his free hand down his belly until his fingers close loosely around himself, not really stroking yet, but just gently flittering across the shaft as he grows fully hard.

"Does this make you the girl?" he asks, because he just can't help himself.

"The way I remember it, you're usually the one begging for me to fuck you," Jared shoots back, and his breathing is heavier now. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I love that. I love it when I can drive you so crazy that you beg me for it."

"You do things to me, what can I say," Jensen grits out, and he feels his cheeks heat up as his grip tightens around his cock. He's never been good at dirty talk, not intentionally, when his head is clear and he's thinking straight anyway, but Jared seems content to take the lead, so Jensen just leans back comfortably, spreads his legs further for easier access and closes his eyes.

"I love that, because you really let go, Jen," Jared says, and his breathing is making distorted sounds over the phone, and Jensen's heart is really starting to hammer in his chest. "You lose all your normal restraints, and you get so hungry for it. So hungry for me--my cock, filling you up..."

Jensen's breath catches in his throat, and he can't really do much besides stroke faster and grit out a, "Yeah..."

"Do you like that?" Jared asks, and Jensen immediately flashes on the feeling of Jared's body--Jared's body pressed close to him, behind him, Jared's cock stretching him and filling him up. The memory sends a surge of red hot pleasure through Jensen, and he makes another sound from far back in his throat, a sort of guttural mix between a growl and a groan that makes Jared echo it with a groan of his own.

"You're, uh--thinking about it, aren't you?" Jared asks, and he's breathing really heavy now, and if Jensen really strains he can hear faint, wet sounds in the background, and Jensen's grip is almost crushing the phone because--oh God--that's the sound of Jared--of Jared's hand on his cock--

"You're thinking about me fucking you?"

"Y-yes," Jensen manages. Behind his closed eyelids, he imagines Jared pinning him down with that oversized body of his, imagines his legs being lifted up, and his hand is moving faster now--fast--on his cock, and he's getting close, so damn close...

Which is the precise moment when Jensen's door bangs open and Harley and Sadie both come bounding into the room, jumping up on the bed and landing on top of Jensen's naked body with two solid thumps.

Jensen's breath is knocked out of him with a Ooof!, his erection wilts faster than he even thought was possible, and the phone flies out of his hand to land on the floor next to the bed.

"Fuck!" he exclaims in a wheeze, trying to get air back into his lungs. "Get the--get the fuck down--fuck!"

Jared's voice is tinny from the phone on the floor, and Jensen shoves with all his strength at the two dogs who suddenly seem like goddamn behemoths in his lap. "Get--off!"

He manages through some miracle to free one leg, and grabs the phone from the floor. Jared's breathing is still erratic, but he's not talking dirty anymore.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Jared asks, drawing a shaky breath.

"M'fine," Jensen grits out, still trying to free himself completely from underneath Jared's dogs. Then he squeaks in an entirely undignified and most unmanly manner as Sadie bows her head to sniff unabashedly at his dick.

"Jesus fuck!" he shouts, and bucks hard enough to get both dogs off the bed and onto the floor. "Your fucking dog is trying to molest me!" he nearly screams into the phone, and yep--it's official. He's never gone from turned on to so unbelievably, incredibly turned off this fast, ever before.

"You didn't close the bedroom door completely, did you?" Jared asks on the other end of the line, and damnit if he doesn't sound like he's chiding Jensen. "I told you to close it completely, otherwise they'll jump on the bed!"

"Dude," Jensen says, intentionally avoiding answering Jared's question. It's not really his fault as long as he doesn't admit it, after all! "I think your dog is into some freaky shit!" And if he's got a hint of panic in his voice, well, that's only reasonable after his boyfriend's dog tried to lick his cock.

Sadie on the other hand, doesn't seem to agree with Jensen's statement--in fact she seems completely uninterested in getting back up on the bed and getting to Jensen's dick now, and more interested in food. Both Sadie and Harley are standing in the bedroom doorway, staring expectantly at Jensen with cocked heads and matching expressions that Jensen's learned means Feed us, dumbass!

"My baby's not into bestiality," Jared says indignantly, then pauses. "Wait, which dog?"

"Sadie," Jensen grumbles, getting out of bed and walking over to fetch a clean pair of boxers from his closet.

"Oh yeah," Jared deadpans. "She is into some freaky shit."

Jensen chuckles at that and pulls his underwear on, then runs a hand across his face. "Man, talk about ruining the mood."

"I dunno," Jared replies, the smile evident in his voice. "If you get lonely, clearly Sadie wouldn't turn you down."

"Har har," Jensen says, "fuck off."

There's silence on the other end of the line for a few seconds, and it goes on for just long enough that Jensen almost worries that he's actually offended his boyfriend somehow, but then Jared's voice comes through the little speaker--quiet and serious this time.

"I miss you," he says into Jensen's ear.

And Jensen's chest sort of does this weird little twisty thing inside, and he looks back at the bed--their bed--empty now, apart from the rumpled sheets with dog hair all over them.

"I miss you too."

Harley takes that moment to whine from the door, obviously loud enough for Jared to hear, because he chuckles quietly and says, "Go feed the morons. I'll call you again soon, okay?"

Don't hang up, Jensen wants to say. I love you. Instead what comes out of his mouth is, "Okay." And then the line goes dead.

Jensen sighs deeply and shifts his eyes over to the two furballs in the doorway. Fine. If he's up at this hour and not getting hot phone sex anyway, might as well feed the mutts like Jared said.