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Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Rossi

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"I don't get what the big deal is. All I did is point out that the woman is attractive."

"You called her fuckable and then said she was almost as pretty as your second wife!"

"It's a compliment," Dave says. "My second wife was twenty years younger than Caroline is. It's a compliment."

A nerve in Aaron's jaw is ticking, Dave notes. Really, the man needs to do something about his blood pressure before he hurts himself.

Dave waves his cigar at him. "You're over reacting."

Aaron slumps down in his chair and lets his forehead fall down to connect with the kitchen table. "You're a horrible person."

And, well, if he's going to go by the evidence and what all of his ex-wives said, Dave really can't argue with that. "Eh."

"So very, very horrible."

Dave gives him a manly pat on the shoulder. "Is this because of all the whore mongering? Because I think that was just a phase I was going through."

"You slept with a coed last week. I know that because you took a picture of her with your phone and sent it to me." Aaron rolls his head to the side so that he can glare at Dave. "I hate that you labeled that as urgent. Your coeds are not urgent and I shouldn't have to see them when I'm on my way to pick my son up from school."

"I'm a delightful person. I can't help that intelligent young women are so drawn to me." Dave puffs thoughtfully on his cigar. "Besides, it's not like I judge you for shacking up with a twenty-something."

Aaron straightens up so quickly that Dave's surprised he doesn't hear anything snap in his spine. That slack jawed gape is really uncalled for. And unattractive. "You mock me for being with Wendell all the time."

"Mock, yes. Judge?" Dave shrugs expressively. He's always had very expressive shoulders. "Never."

"Okay, that's still not the point," Aaron says. The twitch is getting worse. It's kind of fascinating to watch, actually. "The point is that you are not asking Wendell's mom out on a date. You're not."

"I wonder if she likes sushi," Dave murmurs to himself as he carefully taps at his overly complicated phone. It used to be so easy to look up restaurants. Whatever happened to a good, old fashioned phone book?

"This is not happening," Aaron says, and Dave glances up just long enough to watch his forehead reconnect with the table. Ouch, that one looked like it hurt.

"Or maybe Italian. Everyone likes pasta, right?"

"I don't want you to be my father-in-law," Aaron almost whimpers into the table. "Of all the horrors I've seen since I met you, that would be the worst."

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm wonderful," Dave says dismissively. "Ooo, there's a new Chinese place in town!"