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Chapter 14

Sidelines III

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].

AG: Hey.
CC: O)(, )(ey Vriska!
AG: So, um........
AG: Are we still cool?
CC: 38?
CC: W)(at do you mean?
AG: You know, after the whole thing with Sollux????????
CC: Vriska, I'm not Sollux!
CC: It's not like you did anyt)(ing to piss M-E off!
AG: Well, no, 8ut I assume whenever he gets pissed off a8out something, you're the first one he goes griping to.
CC: W)(ale, Y-EA)(, but )(onestly, it's not t)(at big a deal!
CC: Sollux gripes! T)(at's just kind of )(is t)(ing!
CC: )(e's just a BIG GRIP-EY GRUMPY GILLS!
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, that's so lame, it's honestly kind of funny.
CC: 38P
AG: 8ut seriously though, we cool?
CC: Vriska.
CC: We are as COOL as a S-EA CUCUMB-ER.
CC: 3B)
AG: Hell.
AG: Fucking.
AG: Yessssssss.
AG: BBBB)
CC: O)( wow, FOUR pairs of s)(ades! Very impressive.
AG: Alas, one of the few draw8acks of having eight eyes.
AG: All your eyewear costs four times as much.
AG: It's hard, Feferi.
AG: It's hard and no8ody understands.
CC: )(-E )(-E )(-E!
CC: So anyway, w)(at's up?
AG: Eh, nothing really.
AG: Just seeing if things were still str8 8etween us.
AG: I mean........ I said some reeeeeeeeally nasty things to Sollux on that last memo. ::::/
CC: Yea)(, )(e's R-E-ELY freaking out aboat it.
CC: )(e's practically B-EGGING me to stop being fronds wit)( you.
AG: Ugh, I'm not fucking things up 8etween you and him, am I????????
AG: I mean, I don't like the guy, 8ut I'd 8e a pretty shitty friend if I were messing with your personal life.
CC: No, no, it's fine!!
CC: )(e's not angry at M-E or anyt)(ing!
CC: )(e's just...
CC: W)(ale, )(e's just angry at YOU. 38/
AG: Well, yeah, I kinda figured that much.
CC: But I mean, )(e's )(onestly CONVINC-ED you're just PR-ET-ENDING to be fronds wit)( me just to ruffle )(is gills!
CC: And he keeps going off aboat )(ow you're just going to try to )(urt me or somet)(ing like t)(at!
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, seriously????????
CC: Yep, seariously!
AG: Well........
AG: He's got every RIGHT to 8elieve that, I guess.
AG: You wouldn't 8e the first friend I've maimed. ::::/
CC: Ug)(, W)(AT--EV--ER!!
CC: )(onestly, I t)(ink )(e's being kind of a )(ard)(ead aboat t)(is w)(ole glubbing t)(ing!
CC: I mean, Y-EA)(, you did some R-E-ELY bad t)(ings before, but you're OBVIOUSLY a MUC)( betta person now!
CC: S)(ell, Tavros )(as forgiven you, and Terezi's pretty muc)( t)(ere too, rig)(t?
CC: So reely, I just t)(ink )(e's being stubborn!
AG: Look, Feferi, as much as I appreci8 it, you don't have to try so hard to defend me.
AG: I'm not just gonna try to pretend what I did to him and Aradia and every8ody else wasn't an enormous fucking deal.
AG: 8ut I just........
AG: Ugh, I don't know.
CC: You reely are black for )(im, aren't you?
AG: Yeah, I kind of am.
AG: Is that weird?
CC: U)(, kind of, yea)(!
AG: ::::?
CC: I mean, it seems like it just came out of NOW)(-ER-E!
AG: Well, it sorta did.
AG: I'll admit, the whole idea came a8out from one little throwaway line on a memo somewhere a while 8ack.
AG: 8ut the more I think a8out it........ the more I just want to throttle that guy, you know what I mean????????
CC: Um...
AG: Er, o8viously you wouldn't want to throttle him, that's doesn't m8ke any sense!!!!!!!!
CC: W)(ale, I don't know.
CC: I guess I can sea w)(y you mig)(t want to go after )(im.
CC: I mean, obviously )(e )(ates you!
CC: But I always figured t)(ere'd be ot)(er trolls you'd be more interested in, like Aradia or Terezi!
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, where'd this whole thing a8out me 8eing 8lack for Terezi even come from????????
AG: I don't h8 her! She's like my 8est friend!
AG: Whether or not she chooses to acknowledge it.
AG: And I mean, yeah, she 8lew off my arm and my eye, 8ut 8ig deal!
AG: I got 'em 8ack, and I got a pretty awesome set of powers in the process!!!!!!!!
AG: Why would I even hold a grudge over that????????
CC: Wow, okay!
AG: Sorry, the whole thing is just a little weird, honestly.
AG: Anyway, as for Aradia........
AG: Well, let's just say we had one really amazing h8 d8, and then she stopped returning my calls.
CC: )(a)(a)(a, I guess t)(at's ON-E way of putting it!
AG: I figured you would appreci8 it.
AG: Anyway, it's pretty o8vious she doesn't h8 me for whatever spooky emotionless dead girl reason.
AG: And even if she did, I'm not sure if I h8 her either.
AG: The whole "remorse" thing reeeeeeeeally gets in the way.
CC: Yea)(, I guess so.
CC: But seariously, w)(y Sollux?
AG: It's........ hard to explain, really.
AG: 8ut honestly, I think the thing that really pisses me off a8out him is that it seems like he just wants to ignore me.
AG: And no8ody ignores Vriska Serket.
AG: No8ody.
CC: )(a)(a)(a, yea)(, I t)(ink I get it!
CC: But reely, t)(at just seems to be )(is way of dealing wit)( ALL )(is unwanted black suitors.
AG: Ugh, you don't think he just h8es me platonically, do you?
CC: I t)(ink )(e T)(INKS it's platonic.
CC: But I don't t)(ink it's platonic.
AG: Reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaally????????
CC: I mean, )(e's R-E-ELY )(ung up on you!
CC: And I reelize t)(ere are pretty obvious reasons for t)(at, but even given t)(at, it still seems a little -EXC-ESSIV-E!
CC: Like in t)(at last memo, )(-E's t)(e one w)(o was going after YOU!
AG: Yeah, see, that's what really throws me!
AG: The guy keeps telling me he's not interested, 8ut he keeps just attacking me out of nowhere on these memos.
AG: He's like the fucking master of mixed signals.
CC: I )(onestly t)(ink )(e IS black for you.
CC: But rig)(t now, I t)(ink it's more of a matter of PRID-E to )(im t)(an anyt)(ing.
CC: It's like, if )(e enters a quadrant wit)( you, it'd be like admitting )(e's over t)(e w)(ole...
CC: Y'know...
CC: T)(e w)(ole T)(ING.
AG: 8luh.
AG: So 8eing kismesisses with him isn't even gonna 8e a fucking possi8ility unless I find a way to 8ring Aradia 8ack from the fucking dead????????
CC: W)(ale, I never said T)(AT!
AG: Yeah, 8ut it's something LIKE that, isn't it?
CC: W)(ale... kind of.
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck.
CC: Look, t)(e t)(ing is, )(e's still R--E--ELY broken up aboat t)(e w)(ole t)(ing t)(at )(appened wit)( )(er.
CC: And until )(e gets over it, I'm afraid t)(at s)(ip is probably N-EV-ER gonna leave t)(e )(arbor.
AG: God damnit.
AG: I am just the text8ook fucking definition of a hopeless 8lack romantic, aren't I?
AG: Shit would 8e so much easier if I actually were 8lack for Terezi.
AG: I'm preeeeeeeetty sure she's at least a little 8lack for me.
CC: R-E-ELY?
AG: Well, if her 8ehavior during our FLARPing session was any indic8ion.
AG: Fuck, my lip still hurts from where she 8it it.
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.
AG: 8ut noooooooo, I have to go and fall for the guy who's never gonna 8e interested until he either gets over his dead girlfriend or she miraculously comes 8ack to life.
AG: I honestly think the latter would 8e more likely.
CC: 38/
AG: Is there a way to 8ring her 8ack, you think?
CC: W)(y are you asking M-E?
AG: Well, I don't know.
AG: You've got this whole weird, creepy, regularly-converses-with-eldritch-a8omin8ions-from-outside-the-universe thing going on.
AG: So I figured you might 8e savvy a8out stuff like this.
CC: W)(ale, I'm not reely s)(ore!
CC: T)(e only revival met)(ods I'm aware of require a body.
AG: Ugh, right.
AG: There isn't one. Trust me.
CC: Yea)(, so I've )(eard. 38/
AG: Anyway, even if there was a 8ody, she apparently doesn't even have a dreamself, which throws all that shit out the window too.
CC: Rig)(t, t)(ere's t)(at too!
AG: ........Does she really not have a dreamself?
CC: Not t)(at I know of!
AG: Huh.
CC: W)(y do you ask?
AG: I don't know. It just seems weird for some reason.
AG: 8ut it m8kes sense, I guess.
AG: Her real self died way 8efore the game even started, and I guess her dreamself isn't just gonna sit around on Derse forever.
CC: W)(ale, regardless of w)(et)(er or not bringing )(er back is possible, I'm not sure t)(at doing it would just magically fix everyt)(ing.
AG: Hrm, may8e you're right.
AG: 8ut hey, enough a8out my pro8lems.
AG: What's going on with you?
CC: You mean w)(at's going on wit)( me and Sollux?
AG: I never said that!!!!!!!!
AG: 8ut as a matter of fact, yes, that's EXACTLY what I mean!
AG: Have you managed to 8eat a confession out of him on what the deal 8etween you two is????????
CC: I'm not beating ANYT)(ING out of Sollux!!!
AG: Look, Feferi, I'm telling you this for your own s8ke.
AG: 8ifuc8ion gimmick or not, do NOT let this guy trap you in quadrant vacill8ion hell.
AG: You will never get out.
AG: Everrrrrrrr.
CC: It's not T)(AT bad!
CC: -Even if we're not OFFIS)(IALLY in a quadrant, we still R-E-ELY enjoy eac)( ot)(er's company!
CC: So w)(at's t)(e problem??
AG: The pro8lem is you're getting the worst of 8oth worlds!!!!!!!!
AG: You can't 8e honest with each other and have feelings jams 8ecause you're not moirails.
AG: And you can't get your sloppy m8keouts on 8ecause you're not m8sprits!
AG: It pretty much sucks.
CC: T)(at's not true!
CC: Sollux and I )(ave been PL-ENTY )(onest wit)( eac)( ot)(er!
AG: Oh reeeeeeeeally????????
CC: Yes, R-E-ELY!
AG: Like, jam-level honest?
CC: W)(ale... kind of, I guess!
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, you don't think he's trying to palezone you, do you????????
CC: Vriska, t)(at is a STUPID T)(ING TO SAY!!
CC: Moirallegiance is NOT A ZON----E!!!
AG: Whoa, okay!!!!!!!!
AG: Jegus, you don't have to flip out at me a8out it!
CC: Saury, I just )(ave R-E-ELY STRONG OPINIONS on t)(e pale quadrant!
CC: People always swab it off like it's some )(ORRIBL-E T)(ING to get stuck in wit)( somebody you reely like.
CC: But I t)(ink it's JUST AS IMPORTANT as t)(e concupiscient quadrants, and probably even MOR-E fulfilling!
CC: I mean, s)(orely YOU of all people can sea w)(ere I'm glubbing from!
AG: Well, yeah, I get it.
AG: This thing with Tavros has 8een pretty fucking awesome for the 8oth of us.
AG: I don't know if I'd say it's 8etter than 8eing with Kanaya, 8ut I pro8a8ly wouldn't say it's worse, either.
CC: Yeah, S-EA? You'll admit it's at least on equal finning!
AG: I was never denying that!
AG: I was just kind of assuming you were flushed for Sollux is all.
CC: W)(y?
AG: W8, are you pale for him????????
CC: I never said t)(at!!
AG: No, 8ut you implied it.
CC: Look, I'd be perfectly )(appy being )(is matesprit OR )(is morayeel!
CC: I don't reely )(AV-E a preference!
AG: Oh, come oooooooon, surely it's more complic8ed than that.
CC: W)(ale, maybe it IS...
CC: But I don't trust you enoug)( to tell you any moray!
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????
AG: Come on, Feferi, it's not like I'm gonna tell any8ody!!!!!!!!
CC: R-E-ELY??
AG: Yes, R-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-ELY!!!!!!!!
AG: My lips are sealed! Tight as a clam!
CC: So you wouldn't even let t)(at little pearl of information slip in t)(e middle of a )(eated debate wit)( Sollux on a public memo????????
AG: Um.
AG: Fuck, I'd pro8a8ly end up doing something exactly like that.
AG: Okay, nevermind, I don't even want to know.
CC: I T)(OUG)(T you'd sea it my wave!
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, whatever.
CC: 38P
AG: Aaaaaaaanyway, let's say, just hypothetically speaking, you guys do end up 8ecoming moirails.
AG: Just say you guys flip a fucking coin or something and it comes up diamonds.
AG: So if he's your moirail, then who the fuck is gonna 8e your m8sprit????????
CC: W)(ale, I wasn't reely T)(INKING aboat it all t)(at muc)(!
AG: Really? 8ecause your options are kind of limited at this point.
AG: 8esides him, there's........ who?
AG: Nepeta, may8e?
AG: Oh man, thinking a8out it, that's actually kind of hot........
CC: W)(AT????
AG: I'm just saying is all!!!!!!!!
AG: I mean, you're an attractive girl, she's an attractive girl........
AG: And I can't help 8ut find the mental image percol8ing here of you two attractive girls getting it on to 8e hot as fuck.
CC: 38O
CC: )(oly CARP, w)(at am I even R----EADING H----ER----E?????
CC: Vriska, are you...
CC: Are you FLUS)(----ED for me or somet)(ing???
AG: Whoa, what???????? No!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm just saying you're attractive is all!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm not a8out to 8r8k up with Kanaya just to hook up with you or something insane like that!!!!!!!!
AG: Though don't get me wrong, if Kanaya weren't flushed for me, I'd 8e all over that in a heart8eat.
CC: Okay, comments like t)(at R--E--ELY AR--EN'T K---ELPING!!
AG: Alright, alright, I'm dropping it!!!!!!!!
AG: Jegus, I figured a lady like you would 8e a8le to take a compliment gr8cefully.
AG: You don't have to freak out a8out it.
CC: W)(ale, it's a little FORWARD for a compliment, don't you t)(ink?
AG: May8e????????
AG: I don't know, I wasn't really thinking a8out it.
CC: 38P
CC: Lines just exist for you to cross t)(em, don't t)(ey?
AG: Hey, I just calls 'em like I sees 'em.
CC: W)(ale... t)(anks, I guess?
AG: Yeah, no pro8lem.
CC: Anyway, no, I'm not reely flus)(ed for Nepeta.
CC: And even if I W-ER-E, I don't t)(ink s)(e's interested.
AG: Yeah, fair enough.
AG: 8ut you'll at least admit she's hot.
CC: W)(at???
CC: I'll admit NO SUC)( T)(ING!!
AG: Oh, come oooooooon, tell me you wouldn't 8e all over that!!!!!!!!
CC: I JUST TOLD YOU I WOULDN'T!!!
CC: Vriska, w)(at is WIT)( you tonig)(t???
CC: You're being all W--EIRD AND FLIRTATIOUS, and it's kind of FR--EAKING M--E OUT!!!
AG: Well, excuuuuuuuuse me for 8eing surrounded on all sides 8y 8eautiful women!!!!!!!!
AG: I guess I'll just say a8solutely nothing at all a8out all these smoking hot 8a8es around me just 8ecause I have a m8sprit already!!!!!!!!
CC: W)(ale, I'm SAURY, but t)(is is NOT )(ow normal people talk!
CC: You're just sending me some R--E--ELY W--EIRD VIB--ES, and it's kind of )(aking me uncomfortable!
AG: Okay, okay, I'll stop with the random 8road appraisals.
AG: I don't know why you're freaking out so much a8out this anyway.
CC: It's just...
CC: W)(ale, it's reminding me of t)(is...
CC: T)(is, u)(, certain piece of fiction.
AG: Fiction?
AG: What are you talking a8out?
CC: Alrig)(t, look, do you promise you won't send t)(is to anybody else?
AG: Um....... sure, I guess?
CC: Okay, just read t)(is.
-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] sent arachnidsGrip [AG] the file "maiden voyage (vs/fp) [tw: dubcon, bloodplay].doc" --
AG: W8, is this........????????
CC: Just skim it over!
AG: Feferi, wh8t........
AG: Wh8t the f8ck is this????????
AG: Where th8 fuck d8d you get th8s????????
CC: Nepeta sent it to me a w)(ale ago!!
CC: Isn't it finny?
AG: F8nny???????? How the f8ck is it f8nny????????
AG: L8ke, this is........
AG: Th8s is an incr8di8ly expl8cit pornogr8phic story st8rring y8u and me!!!!!!!!
AG: Fef8ri, why the f8ck would y8u send me th8s????????
CC: I don't know! I just t)(oug)(t it was finny is all!!
CC: Like, apparently somebody requested t)(is or somet)(ing?
CC: But it certainly wasn't M--E!
CC: So w)(o could it )(ave even B--E--EN???
AG: I don't kn8w!!!!!!!!
CC: You t)(ink it was --Eridan, maybe?
CC: )(e was flus)(ed for me and black for you, so maybe )(--E requested it!
AG: Uh........
AG: Ye8h! It m8st've 8een Erid8n!!!!!!!!
CC: But no, if it were )(im, w)(y wouldn't )(e be IN it?
CC: I don't know w)(y )(e'd want to read a story aboat )(is kismesis getting )(is morayeel wasted and feeling )(er up!
AG: Er, yeah, I gu8ss not........
CC: W)(ale... Kanaya, maybe?
CC: S)(e was flus)(ed for you, and I guess we were... fronds?
AG: Yeah, it w8s Kan8ya!!!!!!!! Th8t m8st've 8een it!!!!!!!!
CC: 38?
CC: Vriska, you're acting kind of W--EIRD aboat t)(is.
AG: Some8ody comm8ssioned a sm8tty story a8out y8u and me do8ng unsp8aka8le th8ngs to each 8ther!!!!!!!!
AG: Of C8URSE I'm 8cting w8ird a8out 8t!!!!!!!!
CC: Ummm...
CC: Vriska...
CC: Are YOU t)(e one w)(o requested t)(is?
AG: Okay, fine, I'll admit it!!!!!!!!
AG: Yeah, it was me!!!!!!!! I'M the one who requested it!!!!!!!!
CC: 38O
AG: Look, it was........
AG: It was a long time ago, okay????????
AG: Like, just after I met you for the first time.
AG: And 8efore Eridan told me he was gonna introduce me to his moirail, I was like, "Oh maaaaaaaan, she's pro8a8ly gonna 8e a total dork."
AG: 8ut then I saw you, and I was like........
AG: "DAAAAAAAAMN!"
AG: And I asked Eridan, "Hey, does she have a m8sprit?" and he just gave me the most intense fucking death glare I've ever seen.
AG: So naturally, I 8acked off.
AG: 8ut if it weren't for the o8vious fundamental complic8ions, political and kismetic alike, I definitely would've considered courting you as a m8sprit.
AG: At the time.
AG: O8viously.
CC: U)(...
CC: Wow...
CC: I'm... FLATT--ER--ED, I guess?
AG: Yes, 8eing flattered is definitely the correct response.
AG: 8ut anyway let's talk a8out something else now!!!!!!!!
AG: Since I'm with Kanaya now and therefore that's o8viously something that's never going to happen so we don't have to talk a8out it ever again!!!!!!!!
CC: Yes okay let's do t)(at!!!!!
AG: So anyway, 8esides Nepeta........
AG: And that's o8viously the only person we were talking a8out for a potential m8sprit for you!!!!!!!!!
AG: 8esides Nepeta, who the fuck else could 8e your m8sprit????????
AG: Aradia, may8e?
AG: You have a thing for ro8ot ghost girls?
CC: U)(, not reely!
CC: Anyway, I )(IG)(LY trout s)(e'd be interested in M--E.
AG: Yeah, especially with the whole Sollux thing.
CC: --Er...
CC: T)(e w)(ole Sollux t)(ing?
AG: Um........
AG: You know they have a history, right?
CC: Kind of?
CC: Sollux never reely wants to get into t)(e details.
AG: Wellllllll, it's a long story........
AG: 8ut let's just say your current entanglement with Sollux would complic8 things and leave it at that.
CC: I guess I can settle for t)(at.
AG: 8ut 8esides her, there's who, Karkat and Equius?
AG: Wow, talk a8out the 8ottom of the fucking 8arrel.
CC: T)(ey're not T)(AT bad!
AG: Um, seriously????????
AG: You're not thinking a8out going after Karkat, are you????????
CC: O)( COD no! Carpcatfis)( can't STAND me!
AG: So........ Equius????????
AG: You can't seriously 8e thinking a8out 8eing m8sprits with Equius.
CC: W)(ale... I don't know, maybe!
AG: No.
AG: Feferi, no.
AG: Equius Zahhak is literally the 8iggest fucking tool I've ever met.
AG: W8, no, that doesn't even 8egin to do justice to what an enormous tool this guy is.
AG: Like, he transcends the level of merely 8eing a "tool."
AG: The guy is an entire fucking hardware store unto himself.
CC: )(e cannot POSSIBLY be t)(at bad!!
AG: Yes he fucking can.
AG: If there's one thing I've learned a8out Equius in my six sweeps, it's that he can 8e that 8ad.
AG: Always.
AG: Like, literally every time that thought has ever entered my mind, he de8unked it within hours.
AG: Why would you even THINK of 8eing m8sprits with him????????
CC: W)(ale, Nepeta suggested it!!
AG: Of course Nepeta suggested it, she's his fucking moirail!!!!!!!!
AG: The guy's a humorless, fetishistic hemofascist.
AG: Don't even fucking go there.
CC: O)(, like YOU'R--E one to even glub aboat F--ETIS)(--ES, MISS DOLOROSA MCBIT--EYVICTIM!!!
AG: ::::P
CC: ANYWAY, I'm not even seariously t)(inking aboat t)(is rig)(t now!
CC: I'm only t)(inking aboat w)(o my matesprit will be IF I end up becoming morayeels wit)( Sollux.
CC: And IF I do, T)(--EN I just MIG)(T be willing to give Mr. Za)()(ak t)(e benefis)( of t)(e trout!
CC: But aside from t)(at, I've got to consider potential morayeels, too!
AG: Well hey! What a8out Kanaya?
AG: She's 8een talking to me a8out how she wants a moirail, so may8e you two could hook up!
CC: 38/
CC: As muc)( as I APPR-ECIAT-E t)(e offer, I'm gonna )(ave to pass.
AG: Whaaaaaaaat????????
AG: What's wrong with Kanaya????????
CC: I never said t)(ere was anyt)(ing WRONG wit)( )(er!
AG: Oh come on, you dismissed the idea almost immedi8ely!!!!!!!!
AG: Not to mention that little slanty face you typed.
AG: You can't type a slanty face a8out my m8sprit and expect to get away with it, missy!!!!!!!!
CC: Look, I'm just not interested in )(er in a pale way, alrig)(t?
AG: Why not???????? She'd 8e a gr8 moirail!!!!!!!!
CC: R-E-ELY?
CC: Like s)(e was wit)( you??
AG: Whoa, hey, that was completely different.
AG: The only reason our moirallegiance was so lousy was 8ecause she was flushed for me.
AG: It'd 8e tooooooootally different with any8ody else!!!!!!!!
CC: Yea)(, t)(at's easy for YOU to say.
CC: I was watc)(ing t)(at s)(ip sink from t)(e sidelines, and it was NOT a pretty sig)(t.
AG: What????????
CC: Kanaya was giving me pretty muc)( constant second-)(and reports on )(ow t)(ings were going wit)( you guys.
CC: And it didn't --EXACTLY paint a pretty portrait of )(er competency as a morayeel. 38/
AG: Okay, Feferi, are you talking shit a8out my m8sprit????????
AG: 8ecause that's not cool. Seriously.
CC: I'm doing NOT)(ING of t)(e sort!!!
CC: I'm just trying to --EXPLAIN w)(y I don't want )(er as a morayeel!!
AG: Well, if you insist.
CC: W)(at do you M-EAN, "if I insist?"
CC: Just W)(AT part of my explanation is so )(ard to bereef???
AG: No, I 8elieve you and all, it's just........
AG: I don't know.
AG: I'm just sensing some........ tension 8etween you and Kanaya.
CC: If t)(ere's any T-ENC)(ION, it's all on )(-ER side!
CC: S)(-E's t)(e one w)(o's acting all weird and definsive aboat you!
AG: Defensive?
CC: You SAW )(er on t)(at last memo, didn't you?
CC: Making snippy little barbs at me and constantly glubbing aboat )(ow muc)( you guys were )(aking out.
CC: )(onestly, w)(at's )(er deal??
AG: Well, she's just passion8 is all.
AG: I think it's kind of cute, honestly.
CC: Yea)(, w)(ale, tell )(er to stop being passionate at M--E.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, okay, fine.
CC: )(ey, you guys aren't )(aving any... PROBL-EMS or anyt)(ing, are you?
AG: Huh?
AG: Feferi, what are you talking a8out?
CC: I mean you and Kanaya!
AG: What? No, we're not having any pro8lems!
AG: Everything's gr8 8etween me and Kanaya!
CC: Reely?
AG: Yeah, really! Never 8een 8etter!
CC: W)(ale...
CC: If you guys ever DO )(ave any problems, you can always talk to me.
AG: Um........
AG: I appreci8 the offer, I guess?
AG: 8ut honestly, if Kanaya and I ever have any pro8lems, I'll pro8a8ly just talk to Kanaya a8out them.
AG: Or failing that, I'll just talk to Tavros.
CC: )(-EY! Speaking of Tavros, )(ow are t)(ings between you two??
AG: Oh, they're awesome, actually!!!!!!!!
AG: Well, I mean, things 8etween us specifically are awesome.
AG: Tavros himself is kind of freaking out a little, though.
CC: W)(at? W)(y??
AG: Well, he's starting to get all antsy and irrita8le.
AG: I think he might 8e getting the urge for a little 8lack romance, honestly!!!!!!!!
CC: O)( wow, R--E--ELY???
CC: I didn't t)(ink )(e )(ad it in )(im!!
AG: Oh, I knew he had it in him, 8ut I didn't realize he was gonna start itching for it!
AG: It's kind of........
AG: What's the word I'm looking for here????????
AG: I want to say "adora8le," 8ut that sounds too condescending.
CC: I T)(INK t)(e word you're looking for is "PROUD!"
AG: Proud? Is that something you can 8e for other people????????
CC: Of COURS----E it is!! 38P
AG: Okay, let me try this out........
AG: I am so, so proud of him.
AG: Yes!!!!!!!! That sentence DEFINITELY checks out!
CC: )(a)(a)(a, AW--ESOM--E! 38D
CC: But w)(o could be )(is kismesis, you t)(ink?
CC: -Equius, maybe? It seemed like t)(ey were sparring a w)(ale ago.
AG: See, that's what I was thinking, 8ut apparently Tavros isn't interested.
CC: W)(y not?
AG: I don't know! He's 8eing really cagey a8out it for some reason.
AG: He definitely doesn't like him, though.
AG: He doesn't like Sollux, either, for that matter.
AG: 8ut I think that's mostly 8ecause he has to deal with me after our little arguments. ::::P
CC: O)( wow.
CC: You don't t)(ink )(e's black for Sollux, do you?
AG: No, I don't think so.
AG: At least, he promised me he wouldn't go after Sollux as long as I was m8king my moves on him.
AG: I feel kind of 8ad, honestly, since I have all these other potential 8lack suitors and he's got like none.
CC: W)(ale, maybe t)(ere's somebody -ELS-E )(e's black for, and )(e just )(asn't told you yet!
AG: That's a possi8ility, I guess.
AG: Though I don't know why he'd feel the need to withhold it from me.
CC: Yea)(, I don't reely know eit)(er!
CC: But t)(ings are still cool between you two, rig)(t!
AG: Feferi.
AG: They're as cool as a sea cucum8er.
AG: BBBB)
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, GLUB Y--ES.
CC: )(onestly, I R-E-ELY envy you, Vriska!
CC: I fis)( I could )(ave a moirallegiance like you and Tavros )(ave!
AG: Well, I'm sure you'll find some8ody eventually.
AG: I think you'd 8e a damn good concili8or, honestly.
CC: W)(ale, T)(ANK you! 38)
AG: Yeah, don't mention it.
CC: )(ey, I )(ave kind of a weird question for you.
AG: What?
CC: Now, you don't )(ave to answer t)(is if you don't want to!
CC: But I'm just curious is all.
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, what is it?
CC: W)(ale...
CC: )(ave you and Tavros ever t)(oug)(t aboat...
CC: Taking t)(ings to t)(e next level?
AG: Um.
AG: What.
CC: You know, wit)( your moirallegiance!
AG: No, I don't know.
AG: What are you talking a8out????????
CC: I M--EAN, )(ave you ever t)(oug)(t aboat getting...
CC: P)(ysical?
AG: ::::O
AG: Feferi, are you talking a8out........
AG: Doing flushed stuff????????
CC: IT'S NOT FLUS)(--ED STUFF!! T)(at's t)(e w)(ole POINT!
AG: 8ut I mean........
AG: You're talking a8out, like........
AG: Kissing and stuff, right????????
CC: Y--EA)(!
CC: I mean, you two bot)( R-E-ELY like eac)( ot)(er, rig)(t?
AG: Well, yeah........
CC: W)(ale, I )(onestly t)(ink you two are at t)(e point in your relations)(ip w)(ere you could comfortably do stuff like t)(at!
AG: Seriously????????
AG: 8ut I mean, we're moirails!
AG: We're not supposed to do stuff like that, right????????
CC: Look, moirallegiance may not be --EXACTLY t)(e same as matesprits)(ip, but it's still a form of romance!
CC: And I t)(ink t)(e usual state of conciliation is just t)(e first stage of many, and it's just t)(at most morayeels never get past it.
CC: Morayeels are SUPPOS--ED to be aboat dealing wit)( eac)( ot)(er's problems, but w)(at do you do w)(en you run out of t)(ings to fix??
CC: Just call your job done and break t)(ings off???
AG: You can't run out of pro8lems, that's stupid.
CC: W)(ale, no, but t)(ey can slow to a trickle!
CC: And t)(en you're stuck wit)( somebody w)(o you R-E-ELY like w)(o you've s)(aped to be a pretty awesome person.
CC: I don't t)(ink it's W--EIRD t)(at you could be as intimate wit)( a morayeel like t)(at as you could wit)( your matesprit!
CC: I mean, you're AL--READY getting intimate wit)( t)(em w)(en you settle down in t)(e privacy of a pile for a feelings jam!
CC: W)(at's t)(e difference if you just so )(appen to kiss eac)( ot)(er, or anyt)(ing --ELS--E like t)(at?
AG: Well, I guess I see your point.
AG: 8ut do you seriously think it's okay for me and Tavros to do stuff like that????????
CC: S)(OR--E! You two are obviously R--E--ELY close!
CC: I don't t)(ink anybody s)(oald )(ave a problem wit)( it!
CC: W)(ale, unless... you t)(ink Kanaya mig)(t )(ave a problem wit)( it.
CC: I reelize s)(e probably )(as a very... COLOR-ED perspective on moirallegiance.
CC: But if s)(e R--E--ELY loves you, s)(e s)(oald be able to accept it!
AG: Feferi.
AG: You're talking shit a8out my m8sprit again.
CC: No I'm not!!!!!
AG: Look, I don't have a pro8lem with you talking shit a8out Kanaya.
AG: I'm just saying, m8ke it official.
CC: W)(at??
AG: If you want to insult Kanaya, it 8etter 8e your jo8.
AG: You know, m8ke her your kismesis.
CC: >38O
CC: W)(AAAAT??????
CC: W)(en t)(e GLUBBING S)(----ELL did I ----EV----ER suggest I was interested in )(er like t)(at?????
AG: Hey, I never said you were!
AG: I'm just saying if you want to keep talking smack on my m8sprit, there's only one way I'm gonna find it accepta8le.
CC: Okay, okay, FIN---E!
CC: I'll be a little more... CONSID--ERAT--E w)(en I'm talking aboat Kanaya!!!
AG: You don't have to, you know!
AG: If you want to 8e her kismesis, that'd 8e totally awesome.
AG: I'm picturing it now, and the mental image percol8ing here is DEFINITELY hot as fuck........
CC: >38O
CC: NO!!!!
CC: C---EAS---E YOUR LASCIVIOUS P---ERCOLATING AT ONC-----E!!!!
AG: Nope, too l8! The 8rew is complete, and now my cup overfloweth with un8elieva8ly sexy images of you two h8 snogging!!!!!!!!
AG: Ooooooooh, I wouldn't mind getting in the middle of that, actually.
AG: Having you two thrash a8out a8ove me while my head is smothered in the four 8iggest vestigial thoracic 8rucite glands in paradox space........
CC: STOP TALKING ABOAT MY BROOBS!!!!!!!!!!
AG: Well, soooooooorry for having a healthy appreci8ion for a nice pair of 8roo8s!!!!!!!!
CC: APOLOGY NOT ACC----EPT----ED!!! >38C
CC: Anyway, ----ENOUG)( ABOAT T)(IS!!!
CC: It's a COMPL---ET---ELY RIDICULOUS ID---EA, and I will )(ear NO MOR---E OF IT!!!
AG: Oh, whatever, like you've even got any room to judge!!!!!!!!
AG: YOU'RE the one who's suggesting I start filling pails with Tavros!
CC: I N--EV--ER SUGG--EST--ED T)(AT!
CC: All I said was I t)(oug)(t you guys mig)(t be in a plaice w)(ere you could afford to be more intimate.
CC: If your t)(oug)(ts go straig)(t to pails after t)(at, it's sole-ly because YOUR t)(ink pan is planted firmly in t)(e road-perip)(eral rainwater overflow drainage trenc)(, NOT mine!
AG: Okay, fair enough, I guess.
AG: 8ut really, I don't get why you're 8ringing this up.
AG: Do you have some kind of active interest in me and Tavros doing stuff like this????????
CC: W)(ale, not you two SP--ECIFICALLY!
CC: But I'm just interested to sea if a moirallegiance could end up playing out t)(is way!
CC: And since you and Tavros are pretty muc)( t)(e best morayeels I know, I figured you mig)(t be able to do it!
AG: Well........ I'm flattered, I guess?
AG: 8ut just where did this sudden scientific curiosity come from?
AG: Do you want to 8ecome rails with pails with Sollux or something, is that it????????
CC: >38O
CC: I N--EV--ER SAID T)(AT!!!
CC: I'm just interested in t)(e pale quadrant in general, okay??
CC: I know nobody else reely gives a s)(ip aboat it, but I )(ave a lot of emoceanal weig)(t invested in it!
CC: So I mean... would you be willing to try it?
CC: For SCI--ENC--E???
AG: Well........
AG: To tell the truth, I've kind of 8een wanting to try it anyway.
CC: R--E--ELY???
AG: I was kind of freaking out a8out it, honestly!
AG: I was afraid I was 8ecoming flushed for Tavros, and it was gonna mess up everything 8etween us.
AG: 8ut if you really think we could do........ stuff like that without screwing up our moirallegiance, I GUESS I'd be willing to give it a shot.
AG: You know, for science.
CC: )(a)(a)(a, t)(at's GR--EAT!
CC: )(ey, maybe it'll kelp out Tavros, too!
CC: Kelp relieve some of this STR-ESS )(e's been under recently!
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, yeah, may8e.
AG: Well, I'll talk to him a8out it, I guess.
CC: AW--ESOM--E!!! 38D
AG: Yeah, you're welcome.
CC: )(a)(a, of course, t)(ank you!
AG: Anyway, I'm pro8a8ly gonna go soon.
AG: 8ut 8efore I do, I'm just gonna warn you again:
AG: Don't let Captor pull this wishy-washy 8ullshit on you.
AG: Seriously.
CC: W)(y are you so insistent aboat t)(at??
AG: 8ecause if you don't put your foot down and tell the guy what you want, you're gonna keep vacill8ing all the way to the grave.
AG: Literally.
CC: 38?
AG: I know red-pale vacill8ion isn't nearly as 8ad as red-8lack, 8ut it has a tendency to drag on foreverrrrrrrr.
AG: ESPECIALLY when you're dealing with a repeat offender like Sollux.
CC: Um, w)(at???
AG: You know what I mean, right?
CC: No...??
AG: Oh man, I can't 8elieve I'm the one who has to tell you this.
AG: Okay, look.
AG: 8efore the whole "me fucking up every8ody's lives like a huge psychotic 8itch" fiasco........
AG: He was doing this exact same thing to Aradia.
CC: 38O
CC: Seariously???
AG: Cross my dorsal tu8e and hope to die.
AG: I think she might have 8een flushed for him?
AG: Or may8e it was pale?
AG: I don't know, 8ecause she never stopped putting up with his smoke-screening 8ullshit and told him what she wanted either.
AG: And I know I of all people don't have any fucking right to cast any aspersions on their rel8ionship........
AG: 8ut I really h8 to see history repeat itself, especially like this.
CC: )(mmm...
AG: I'm just telling you this 8ecause I give a shit a8out you.
AG: Just tell the guy what you want.
AG: If you w8 for him to tell you, you're gonna w8 forever.
CC: W)(ale...
CC: Maybe you're rig)(t.
CC: But... w)(at if I tell )(im w)(at I want, and )(e doesn't want t)(e same t)(ing from me?
AG: Well, you said you'd 8e happy 8eing his m8sprit or his moirail, right?
AG: Worst case scenario is he turns down your first offer and accepts your second.
CC: T)(at's true, I guess.
CC: But w)(at if I want one more t)(an t)(e ot)(er?
AG: Honestly, I don't know what to tell you.
AG: It's a risk you'll just have to t8ke, I guess.
AG: 8ut if he likes you as much as you like him, then may8e it won't m8ke a difference to him what quadrant you're in.
CC: Yea)(, you're probably rig)(t.
CC: I guess I s)(oald tell )(im.
CC: Just... maybe not rig)(t away.
AG: Well, do it soon, at least!
AG: The sooner this chump gets over his rel8ionship issues, the sooner I can m8ke him realize just how much he h8es me!!!!!!!! >::::)
CC: )(a)(a)(a, Y--EA)(!
CC: Anyway, t)(anks for t)(e advice, Vriska.
CC: I reelize most people would probably t)(ink I'm INSAN--E to take advice aboat Sollux from you, but )(onestly, I t)(ink you know )(im better than t)(ey'd give you credit for.
AG: Well, kind of.
AG: Know your enemy and all that.
CC: )(a)(a, --EXACTLY!
CC: But I'll take it to )(eart.
AG: You mean you'll t8ke it to collapsing and expanding 8ladder-8ased aquatic vascular system?
CC: W)(AL--E I DIDN'T --E--EL LIK--E B--EATING T)(AT PARTICULAR JOK--E INTO T)(--E S--EAB--ED, OKAY?????
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck, okay.
AG: Anyway, I gotta go.
AG: Or should I say........ I gotta sk8????????
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a, t)(at just 8AR--------ELY qualifies as a fish pun!!!!!!!!
AG: Yeah, yeah, aaaaaaaanywave.
AG: Glu8 at you l8er, I guess?
CC: Of COURS--------E! 38888D
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, awesome.
AG: Anyway, 8ye, Feferi <3
CC: Um.
CC: Yea)(, bye Vriska! <3

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG].

AG: Yessssssss, that's right, little heiress.
AG: Come into my parlor <3
AG: Said the spider to the fry.
AG: Hahahahahahahaha.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC].

***

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling adiosToreador [AT].

TA: hey tv.
AT: oH, sOLLUX,
AT: wHAT'S UP,
TA: ii need two a2k you for a favor.
AT: uH, oKAY,
AT: l1KE WHAT,
TA: ii need you two get vk two 2top talkiing two ff.
AT: oKAY,
AT: 1S THAT ALL,
TA: 2o waiit.
TA: are you 2ayiing you'll do iit?
AT: nO, 1 MEAN,
AT: 1S THAT ALL YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT,
TA: uh...
TA: ii gue22 2o?
AT: rEALLY,
AT: nOTH1NG ELSE TO D1SCUSS AT ALL,
TA: ii don't know.
TA: liike what?
AT: oH MY FUCK1NG GOD,
AT: oKAY, s1NCE YOU'VE APPARENTLY NEVER HAD A CONVERSAT1ON W1TH SOMEONE BEFORE 1N YOUR ENT1RE L1FE,
AT: 1 GUESS 1'LL JUST HAVE TO HANDLE YOUR S1DE OF THE D1SCUSS1ON MYSELF,
AT: "hEY, tAVROS, hOW ARE YOU,"
AT: oH, yOU KNOW, 1'M OKAY,
AT: "hOW ARE TH1NGS W1TH YOU AND gAMZEE,"
AT: tHEY'RE PRETTY MUCH AMAZ1NG, tHANKS FOR ASK1NG,
AT: "oKAY, wELL, hOW ABOUT TH1NGS W1TH THE MO1RA1L,"
AT: tHEY'RE NOT SO HOT, aCTUALLY,
AT: "oH REALLY, wHY 1S THAT,"
AT: wELL, sHE'S REALLY BLACK FOR TH1S GUY,
AT: aND HE'S CONSTANTLY G1V1NG HER SH1T ON PUBL1C MEMOS,
AT: bUT HE COMPLETELY DEN1ES BE1NG BLACK FOR HER,
AT: aND 1T'S REALLY START1NG TO MAKE HER UPSET,
AT: aND NOW, jUST TO ADD 1NSULT TO 1NJURY,
AT: tHE GUY HAS THE NERVE TO CONTACT ME 1N PR1VATE AND TELL ME TO MAKE HER STOP BE1NG FR1ENDS W1TH ONE OF H1S FR1ENDS BECAUSE 1T ANNOYS HIM,
AT: "oH WOW, tHAT GUY SOUNDS L1KE A REAL ASSHOLE,"
AT: "wHO 1S HE,"
AT: wELL, hERE 1S THE TH1NG,
AT: yOU ARE THE ASSHOLE,
AT: 1T'S YOU,
AT: "oH SH1T,"
AT: "1 GUESS 1 AM A COMPLETE ASSHOLE, hUH,"
AT: yEP,
AT: yOU MOST CERTA1NLY ARE,
AT: "oKAY, wELL, nEVERM1ND THAT STUP1D TH1NG 1 JUST SA1D,"
AT: "1'M GO1NG TO LEAVE YOU ALONE AND STOP BE1NG SUCH A P1ECE OF SH1T TO YOUR MO1RA1L NOW,"
AT: aWESOME, tHANK YOU,
AT: "oKAY, bYE,"
AT: yES, bYE,
AT: aND, 1DEALLY, aT TH1S PO1NT, yOU WOULD S1GN OFF,
AT: bUT 1 GUESS 1 CAN'T ACTUALLY MAKE YOU DO THAT,
TA: um.
TA: tv, what the fuck.
AT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN, wHAT THE FUCK,
AT: cLEARLY, tHAT THE FUCK,
AT: tHE FUCK 1S ALMOST CERTA1NLY SELF-EV1DENT,
TA: are you pii22ed at me or 2omethiing?
AT: k1ND OF, yES,
AT: 1S THAT REALLY SO HARD TO BEL1EVE,
TA: ii don't know, ii gue22 not.
TA: but 2tiill, ii thought we were friiend2 or 2omethiing.
AT: wELL,
AT: wHY D1D YOU TH1NK THAT,
TA: um...
AT: l1KE,
AT: wHEN WAS THE LAST T1ME YOU EVEN SPOKE TO ME,
AT: aND 1 MEAN SPEC1F1CALLY YOU SPOKE TO ME,
AT: nOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND,
TA: okay, 2o maybe ii've been kiind of a 2hiitty friiend.
TA: and ii'll admiit you're probably not the fiir2t guy ii've been a 2hiitty friiend two before.
TA: 2o 2orry about that.
TA: but why are you pii22ed at me now?
AT: yOU'VE G1VEN ME SEVERAL REASONS TO BE ANGRY AT YOU,
AT: bUT PROBABLY THE B1GGEST ONE 1S WHAT YOU'RE DOING W1TH vR1SKA,
TA: you mean, what 2he's doiing wiith me?
AT: hEY, wOW, lOOK, tHAT'S NOT WHAT 1 SA1D,
AT: mAYBE TRY READ1NG THE SENTENCE AS WR1TTEN,
AT: bECAUSE THERE'S A REASON 1 WROTE 1T THAT WAY,
TA: okay, ju2t what have ii been doiing two vk?
AT: yOU'VE BEEN FUCK1NG W1TH HER HEAD,
AT: tELL1NG HER YOU'RE NOT BLACK FOR HER, aND THEN B1TCH1NG HER OUT FOR COMPLETELY NO REASON,
AT: 1 REAL1ZE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR STUP1D B1FURCAT1ON G1MM1CK, bUT COULD YOU JUST TH1S ONE T1ME, sTOP DO1NG TWO TH1NGS AT ONCE,
TA: what? no.
TA: 2he's the one who's goiing after me on the2e memos, okay?
TA: ii diidn't 2tart any of thii2 2hiit.
AT: oKAY, nO,
AT: oN THAT MEMO YESTERDAY, yOU JUST COMPLETELY ATTACKED HER OUT OF THE BLUE,
AT: tHE ONLY REASON 1 CAN SEE FOR YOU DO1NG 1T 1S BECAUSE SHE MENT1ONED JUST HOW MUCH YOU WERE 1NSULTING HER W1THOUT PROMPT1NG,
TA: okay, fiine, ii 2tarted 11t that tiime.
TA: but hone2tly, ii'm just kiind of gettiing 2iick of thii2 whole fuckiing deal.
TA: ii'm not black for her, alriight?
TA: ii2 that really 2o hard two beliieve?
AT: tHE, uH,
AT: sHOUT1NG AT HER, sPEC1F1CALLY, 1S THE PART THAT MAKES 1T HARD TO BEL1EVE,
AT: yOU KNOW, 1N CASE YOU WERE WONDER1NG,
TA: yeah, well, 2orry about that.
TA: but ii'm ju2t tiired of beiing the target of everyone'2 unrequiited black 2oliiciitatiion2.
AT: rEALLY,
AT: bECAUSE YOU NEVER D1D TH1S W1TH eR1DAN,
TA: yeah, well, ed wa2 more "annoyiing" than "completely horriible iin every po22iible way."
AT: oKAY, f1RST OF ALL,
AT: aSSESSMENTS L1KE THAT REALLY AREN'T HELP1NG YOUR CASE,
AT: tHAT CASE BE1NG THAT YOU'RE NOT BLACK FOR vR1SKA,
AT: aND SECOND,
AT: cOULD YOU SER1OUSLY STOP CONSTANTLY TALK1NG ABOUT WHAT A HORR1BLE PERSON MY MO1RA1L 1S,
AT: 1'D REALLY APPREC1ATE 1T, THANKS,
TA: tv, ii'm not tryiing to iin2ult you per2onally here.
AT: yOU'RE NOT TRY1NG, bUT YOU ARE ANYWAY,
AT: tRULY, tHESE ARE THE CAREFREE STROKES OF A MASTER 1NSULTRAMAR1NE,
TA: 2o what, ii can't talk 2hiit about her wiithout talkiing 2hiit about you two?
AT: nO, nOT EXACTLY,
AT: tHERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS OF 1NSULT1NG HER THAT WOULDN'T BE PART1CULARLY 1NSULT1NG TO ME,
AT: l1KE, yOU COULD SAY SHE'S NEEDY, oR H1STR1ON1C, oR PUSHY,
AT: oR THAT SHE'S ON OCCAS1ON ENT1RELY TOO EXPL1C1T WHEN TALK1NG ABOUT PART1CULAR SUBJECTS,
AT: aND 1 WOULDN'T TAKE ANY OFFENSE AT THAT, bECAUSE LET'S BE HONEST, tHEY'RE ALL PRETTY MUCH TRUE,
AT: bUT WHEN YOU SAY TH1NGS L1KE SHE'S A BACKSTABB1NG, fR1END-MURDERING SOC1OPATH, 1 TEND TO TAKE OFFENSE,
AT: bECAUSE THOSE ARE TH1NGS THAT AREN'T TRUE ANYMORE,
AT: aND 1 WOULD L1KE TO TH1NK THAT MY BE1NG HER MO1RA1L 1S THE PR1MARY REASON THEY ARE CURRENTLY FALSE,
AT: sO COULD YOU PLEASE JUST FUCK1NG STOP THAT,
TA: 2o what, you want me two forgiive her for everythiing 2he's done?
AT: 1 D1DN'T SAY THAT,
AT: 1 JUST SA1D 1F YOU'RE GO1NG TO CONSTANTLY HARASS HER, dO 1T FOR WHO SHE 1S AND WHAT SHE'S DO1NG, nOT WHO SHE WAS AND WHAT SHE'S DONE 1N THE PAST,
TA: ii can't ju2t iignore all the 2hiit 2he diid.
TA: ii mean, hone2tly, tv, 2he broke your leg2.
TA: diid you ju2t forget about that?
AT: nO, oF COURSE NOT,
AT: bUT SHE APOLOG1ZED TO ME, aND SHE MADE 1T CLEAR THAT SHE TRULY WANTED TO MAKE 1T UP TO ME, aND SHE D1D,
AT: aND BEFORE YOU ASK, 1T WASN'T JUST BY HELP1NG ME GO GOD T1ER,
AT: tHERE WAS A LOT MORE TO 1T THAN THAT, tRUST ME,
TA: 2o what, doe2 2he want two make thiing2 up two me, two?
AT: pROBABLY, yES,
AT: eVEN THOUGH SHE HATES YOU,
TA: and ju2t how ii2 2he goiing two do that?
TA: for fuck'2 2ake, 2he made me kiill aa.
TA: how do you even make up for 2omethiing liike that?
AT: hONESTLY, 1 DON'T KNOW,
AT: bUT SHE REALLY 1S TRY1NG TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT SHE'S DONE,
AT: tHE WHOLE flarp1NG TH1NG SHE D1D W1TH tEREZ1 WAS AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE 1T UP TO HER,
AT: 1'M SURE SHE'LL TH1NK OF A WAY TO DO 1T FOR YOU,
AT: tHOUGH YOU WON'T NECESSAR1LY L1KE 1T,
AT: g1VEN THE WHOLE, yOU KNOW, hER HAT1NG YOU TH1NG,
TA: ugh.
TA: well, why don't you tell her that iif 2he really want2 to make thiing2 up two me...
TA: 2he can 2tart by gettiing out of my liife and out of ff'2 liife and never 2peakiing two eiither of u2 agaiin.
AT: 1S SHE BOTHER1NG fEFER1 OR SOMETH1NG,
TA: no, that'2 the problem.
TA: ff liike2 her, for 2ome biizarre rea2on.
AT: hEY, mAYBE TH1S 1S JUST ME,
AT: bUT THAT SEEMS L1KE A TH1NG THAT 1SN'T ACTUALLY A PROBLEM,
TA: of cour2e iit'2 a fuckiing problem.
AT: oKAY, 1 GUESS 1 HAVE SUDDENLY GONE BL1ND,
AT: sO EXPLA1N TO ME WHAT'S WRONG W1TH THAT,
TA: becau2e iit'2 fuckiing vk.
TA: ff ii2 puttiing her2elf iin danger by even a22ociiatiing wiith her.
AT: sO fEFER1 1S 1N DANGER,
AT: bY BE1NG FR1ENDS W1TH HER,
TA: ye2, exactly.
TA: and don't even tell me ii'm off ba2e here.
TA: iit'2 funny that you 2hould mentiion goiing bliind, con2iideriing what 2he diid two the la2t per2on two be her be2t friiend.
AT: uGH, yES,
AT: tHANK YOU FOR THE H1STORY LESSON, sOLLUX,
AT: nEXT, wHY DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW TO START A F1RE W1TH A PA1R OF TW1GS, bECAUSE THE L1GHTER HASN'T BEEN 1NVENTED YET,
TA: well, iif 2he'2 not tryiing two hurt me or ff, then why el2e would 2he want two be friiend2 wiith her?
AT: hEY, hERE'S AN 1DEA,
AT: mAYBE SHE'S TRY1NG TO BE FR1ENDS W1TH fEFER1 BECAUSE,
AT: sHE WANTS TO BE FR1ENDS W1TH HER,
AT: cRAZY, 1 KNOW,
TA: yeah, that'2 a po22iibiiliity.
TA: or maybe 2he'2 ju2t pretendiing two be friiend2 wiith her iin an attempt two pii22 me off.
TA: 2iince 2he'2 apparently 2o black for me.
AT: tHAT 1S ALSO A D1ST1NCT POSS1B1L1TY,
AT: bUT THEN, 1T'S EQUALLY L1KELY THAT SHE COULD BE TRY1NG TO BE FR1ENDS W1TH fEFER1 1N ORDER TO HELP YOU 1N SOME WAY,
AT: aND THERE EX1STS THE REMOTE POSS1B1L1TY THAT 1T JUST MAY BE ALL THREE OF THESE TH1NGS AT ONCE, mY FR1END,
AT: sORRY, 1 MEAN, mY ACQUA1NTANCE,
TA: how could her beiing friiend2 wiith ff po22iibly help me??
AT: wELL, 1 DON'T KNOW,
AT: mAYBE 1T HAS SOMETH1NG TO DO W1TH TH1S G1ANT QUADRANT CONFUS1ON MYSTERY THAT YOU TWO ARE APPARENTLY STRUGGL1NG W1TH,
TA: oh god.
TA: how ii2 2he gonna help me wiith THAT?
TA: ju2t by forciing the ii22ue?
TA: yeah, really fuckiing appreciiate that, thank2 iin advance.
AT: 1 DON'T SEE HOW 1T COULD HURT,
AT: s1NCE APPARENTLY YOU'RE TOO STUP1D TO JUST TELL fEFER1 HOW YOU FEEL,
TA: what???
AT: sORRY, 1'M JUST K1ND OF ASSUM1NG THE WHOLE TH1NG 1S YOUR FAULT,
AT: s1NCE YOU K1ND OF HAVE A H1STORY OF NOT G1V1NG BEAUT1FUL G1RLS WHO SHOWER YOU W1TH AFFECT1ON THE T1ME OF N1GHT,
TA: what the fuck ii2 THAT 2uppo2ed two mean??
AT: wHAT DO YOU TH1NK 1T MEANS, sOLLUX,
TA: ii2 that 2omethiing two do wiith vk agaiin?
AT: oH, hEY, 1 WASN'T EVEN TH1NK1NG OF HER,
AT: bUT 1 SUPPOSE THE STATEMENT 1S EQUALLY APPL1CABLE TO HER,
TA: 2o what were you talkiing about?
AT: oH MY GOD, sER1OUSLY,
AT: 1'M TALK1NG ABOUT aRAD1A, yOU FUCK1NG 1D1OT,
TA: tv, what the FUCK?
TA: where the fuck diid that even come from?
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, tH1S EXACT SAME TH1NG HAPPENED W1TH HER,
AT: sHE OBV1OUSLY REALLY L1KED YOU, aND YOU PROBABLY L1KED HER TOO,
AT: bUT 1T NEVER WENT ANYWHERE, fOR WHATEVER REASON,
AT: aND NOW YOU AND fEFER1 ARE DO1NG THE EXACT SAME FUCK1NG TH1NG,
TA: iit ii2n't the 2ame thiing.
AT: hOW 1S 1T NOT THE SAME TH1NG,
TA: okay, look, ii'll admiit it.
TA: ii completely fucked up wiith aa.
TA: ii 2hould've told her how ii felt, even iif 2he wa2 ju2t goiing two diie anyway.
TA: but ff ii2 diifferent.
TA: iif ii tell her how ii'm feeliing now, iit'2 ju2t goiing two fuck everythiing up.
TA: ii mean... maybe later, after thii2 whole horriible game ii2 over and done wiith, thiing2 wiill be diifferent.
TA: but for now, ii ju2t...
TA: ii can't tell her.
AT: wHY NOT,
TA: becau2e iif ii told her, 2he'd fuckiing hate me.
AT: 1 DON'T KNOW,
AT: sHE OBV1OUSLY L1KES YOU A LOT ALREADY,
AT: 1 CAN'T 1MAG1NE WHAT YOU COULD TELL HER THAT WOULD MAKE HER FEEL THAT WAY,
TA: 2he ju2t would, okay?
TA: tru2t me.
AT: oKAY, f1NE,
AT: bUT,
AT: yOU KNOW SHE WAS FLUSHED FOR YOU, r1GHT,
TA: what?
AT: sORRY, 1 MEAN, aRAD1A,
TA: how do you know that?
AT: bECAUSE SHE HAS TERR1BLE TASTE 1N MATESPR1TS, oBV1OUSLY,
TA: okay, iif that wa2 a diig at me, ii'll take iit.
TA: but iif iit wa2 a diig at aa, then fuck you.
AT: dETERM1N1NG JUST WHO 1T WAS A D1G AT,
AT: 1S AN EXERC1SE 1'LL LEAVE TO YOU, tHE READER,
TA: whatever.
TA: anyway, 2o what iif 2he was flu2hed for me?
TA: what diifference doe2 iit make?
TA: 2he obviiou2ly ii2n't anymore.
TA: 2he's rather make out wiith that sweaty blueblood a22hole eq than even fuckiing talk two me.
AT: rEALLY,
AT: d1D SHE TELL YOU THAT,
TA: of cour2e 2he diidn't.
TA: 2he ha2n't even 2poken two me 2iince 2he got her fancy new body.
AT: sO,
AT: hAVE YOU SPOKEN TO HER,
TA: ii ju2t 2aiid 2he ha2n't 2poken two me.
AT: nO, 1 MEAN,
AT: hAVE YOU EVEN TR1ED TO SPEAK TO HER YOURSELF,
TA: no.
TA: but why would ii?
TA: why would 2he even want two speak two me?
TA: and even iif 2he diid, why wouldn't 2he ju2t do iit her2elf?
AT: 1 DON'T KNOW,
AT: mAYBE SHE'S CHANGED SOMEHOW,
TA: liike how?
TA: 2he 2tiill 2eem2 two be the 2ame emotiionle22 gho2t 2he wa2 before.
AT: sHE'S NOT EMOT1ONLESS,
TA: how do you know?
AT: bECAUSE 1 SAW HER BEAT THE SH1T OUT OF vR1SKA,
AT: aND SHE D1DN'T DO 1T EMOT1ONLESSLY, tRUST ME,
TA: eheh, yeah, ii gue22 2o.
AT: yES, 1T WAS AN 1NCRED1BLY AMUS1NG SPECTACLE,
AT: bUT EVEN MORE HUMOROUS THAN THAT WAS THE PART AFTERWARDS,
AT: wHERE 1 HAD TO DRAG vR1SKA'S BROKEN BODY ALL THE WAY TO HER QUEST BED,
AT: w1THOUT THE USE OF MY LEGS, m1ND YOU,
AT: aND THEN 1 GOT TO S1T THERE AND WATCH HER SLOWLY BLEED OUT AS SHE DESPERATELY BEGGED ME TO K1LL HER,
AT: 1T WAS A FUCK1NG BLAST, lET ME TELL YOU,
TA: wow.
TA: you 2eriiou2ly had two do that?
AT: nO, 1 JUST MADE THAT WHOLE STORY UP,
AT: wHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED WAS,
AT: aRAD1A SHOWED UP AND MADE vR1SKA GO GOD T1ER BY G1V1NG HER A HEARTY ROBO-H1GH F1VE,
AT: aND THEN WE ALL PLAYED A ROUS1NG GAME OF f1DUSPAWN OVER TEA AND OFFALBEAST GRUBW1CHES,
AT: oF COURSE 1T FUCK1NG HAPPENED,
TA: fuck, tv, what'2 your problem?
TA: ii've never 2een you thii2 angry before.
AT: hAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME ANGRY BEFORE,
TA: uh...
TA: actually, no.
AT: bECAUSE 1 HAVEN'T BEEN,
AT: 1'M MAK1NG UP FOR LOST T1ME HERE,
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
AT: nO, bECAUSE THAT'S A FUCK1NG STUP1D REASON TO BE ANGRY,
AT: bUT,
AT: 1T'S ST1LL A REASON,
AT: aND 1'M TAK1NG ANY REASON 1 CAN GET TO BE ANGRY R1GHT NOW,
AT: sO ACTUALLY, yES, tHAT'S EXACTLY WHAT 1'M DO1NG,
TA: okay, ii gue22.
AT: 1'M JUST ANGRY AT A LOT OF TH1NGS RIGHT NOW,
AT: 1'M ANGRY AT YOU,
AT: aND 1'M ANGRY AT eQU1US,
AT: aND 1'M ANGRY THAT BE1NG ANGRY AT YOU AND eQU1US IS COMPLETELY PO1NTLESS AND 1 SHOULDN'T EVEN BOTHER W1TH 1T,
AT: aND 1'M JUST,
AT: rEALLY FUCK1NG ANGRY FOR SOME REASON,
TA: well... 2orry, ii gue22?
TA: iif you're 2tiill angry at me about the vk thiing, ii'm not droppiing iit.
AT: yES, 1'M ST1LL ANGRY AT YOU FOR THAT,
AT: bUT 1'M ANGRY AT YOU FOR OTHER REASONS, tOO,
TA: liike what?
AT: l1KE BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN A GOOD FR1END,
AT: aND BECAUSE YOU'RE A COMPLETE 1D1OT WHEN 1T COMES TO ROMANCE,
AT: aND BECAUSE 1 CAN'T EVEN HATE YOU PROPERLY BECAUSE vR1SKA ALREADY CALLED D1BS ON YOU,
AT: aND BECAUSE 1'VE BEEN US1NG A COMPLETELY D1FFERENT TYP1NG QU1RK FOR THE ENT1RETY OF TH1S CONVERSAT1ON, aND YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT 1T UP ONCE,
TA: oh 2hiit, ii gue22 2o.
TA: you're replaciing ii'2 wiith one2?
TA: that'2... okay, ii gue22.
AT: yES, bECAUSE 1 WANTED TO REPLACE A LETTER WITH A NUMBER,
AT: aND 1 DECIDED TO RELACE "i" WITH "1",
AT: bECAUSE 1 AM NUMBER ONE,
AT: tWO 1S NOT A W1NNER,
AT: aND THREE, nO ONE REMEMBERS,
AT: aND ALSO BECAUSE, wHAT K1ND OF ASSHOLE EVEN ESPEC1ALLY G1VES A SH1T ABOUT THAT LETTER ANYWAY,
AT: l1KE, YOU'D HAVE TO BE A COMPLETE 1D1OT TO HAVE ANY SORT OF PART1CULAR F1XAT1ON ON 1T,
TA: ...wa2 that a burn?
TA: becau2e iif iit wa2, iit wa2 weak.
AT: yES, 1T WAS A DEL1BERATELY WEAK BURN,
AT: 1'M SAV1NG THE STRONGER ONES FOR SOMEONE WHO MATTERS,
TA: 2ure dude, whatever.
AT: aNYWAY, tHERE'S ALSO ONE MORE REASON WHY 1'M ANGRY AT YOU,
AT: bUT 1T'S PETTY, aND STUP1D, aND 1T DOESN'T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE,
AT: sO 1'M NOT TELL1NG YOU WHAT 1T 1S,
AT: bUT 1T'S A REASON NONETHELESS,
AT: yOU KNOW, 1N CASE YOU EVER RESOLVE ALL THOSE OTHER 1SSUES, aND WONDER WHY 1 ST1LL DON'T L1KE YOU,
TA: um, okay...
TA: 2o you're admiittiing that iit'2 a petty, 2tupiid rea2on two hate me that doe2n't matter anymore...
TA: but you 2tiill hate me for iit anyway?
AT: yES,
TA: okay, ju2t makiing 2ure.
AT: 1F 1T'S ANY CONSOLAT1ON,
AT: yOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE 1 HATE FOR THAT PART1CULAR REASON,
AT: tHOUGH YOU ARE THE ONLY other ONE 1 HATE FOR THAT PART1CULAR REASON,
TA: okay, 2o who'2 the other lucky troll?
AT: eQU1US,
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
TA: ju2t what do that douchebag and ii have iin common?
AT: kEEP YOUR SPECULAT1ON TO YOURSELF,
AT: 1 DON'T NEED TH1S SH1T R1GHT NOW,
TA: faiir enough.
TA: can't really blame you for hatiing that a22hole.
TA: he'2 pretty much the biigge2t piiece of 2hiit ever two be 2erved up on a 2iilver platter from doublebutler ii2land.
AT: wHY DO YOU HATE H1M SO MUCH,
TA: why do YOU hate hiim 2o much?
AT: aS1DE FROM THE FACT THAT HE'S A SNOOTY EL1T1ST FUCKHEAD,
AT: hE'S BAS1CALLY NEVER BEEN ANYTH1NG BUT A P1ECE OF SH1T TO ME AND MY MATESPR1T BOTH,
AT: l1KE, hE PRETTY MUCH DESP1SES gAMZEE,
AT: bUT HE'S SOMEHOW ALSO JEALOUS OF ME, oR SOMETH1NG???
AT: tHAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE,
TA: wow, the guy'2 a hypocriite, biig 2urprii2e.
TA: he probably thiink2 2hiit liike thii2 on purpo2e because he get2 off on cogniitiive dii22onance.
AT: sO WHAT ABOUT YOU,
TA: why do you thiink ii hate hiim?
TA: becau2e ever 2iince he 2tuffed aa iintwo a 2oulbot, 2he'2 pretty much cut all tiie2 wiith me.
AT: aND THAT'S A BAD TH1NG,
TA: uh, ye2?
TA: we were friiend2, ii 2tiill want two talk two her and 2hiit.
TA: be2iide2, iit'2 not liike beiing dead ha2 2topped her from talkiing two me before.
AT: 1F YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HER,
AT: wHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO HER YOURSELF,
TA: what, ju2t hiit her up out of nowhere?
TA: ii can't do that.
AT: yES YOU CAN,
AT: aS A MATTER OF FACT, tROLL1AN HAS TH1S WHOLE FEATURE FOR H1TT1NG PEOPLE UP OUT OF NOWHERE,
AT: 1T'S CALLED, "sEND1NG THEM A MESSAGE,"
AT: "yOU KNOW, l1KE YOU ALWAYS DO W1TH TH1S PROGRAM,"
TA: ugh, that'2 not what ii meant.
TA: what ii mean ii2...
TA: look, iif 2he wanted two talk two me, why wouldn't 2he ju2t do iit her2elf?
AT: yOU CAN'T TH1NK OF A REASON,
TA: not really.
AT: yOU L1TERALLY JUST SA1D YOU WANTED TO TALK TO HER AND YOU CAN'T,
AT: aND YOU CAN'T TH1NK OF A REASON WHY SHE WOULD WANT TO TALK TO YOU, bUT HASN'T DONE 1T YET,
TA: you 2eriiou2ly thiink 2he's doiing the exact 2ame thiing ii am?
AT: 1 WOULDN'T RULE 1T OUT,
TA: well...
TA: even iif ii did talk two her, what would ii 2ay?
TA: ii don't even know what the hell'2 goiing on wiith her anymore.
AT: yOU COULD JUST SAY SOMETH1NG L1KE,
AT: "hEY aRAD1A, wHAT'S UP,"
AT: 1 KNOW YOU'RE NEW TO THE WHOLE "bASIC TROLL CONVERSAT1ON" THING, bUT 1T'S A PRETTY FOOLPROOF OPEN1NG,
AT: eVEN A SOC1AL TROGLODYTE L1KE YOU COULD PULL 1T OFF,
TA: tv, what the fuck?
TA: why are you beiing 2uch a diick to me?
AT: bECAUSE, mY aCQUA1NTANCE,
AT: tURNABOUT 1S FA1R PLAY,
TA: whatever, dude, ii'm not beiing nearly a2 diickii2h a2 you are.
AT: wELL, yOU'RE MAK1NG MY L1FE D1FF1CULT,
AT: w1TH TH1S WHOLE vR1SKA TH1NG,
TA: yeah, well, 2he'2 makiing my liife diiffiicult.
AT: hOW,
TA: by beiing friiend2 wiith ff.
AT: aND JUST HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOUR L1FE ANY HARDER,
TA: becau2e thii2 giirl that ii really fuckiing liike ii2 now buddiie2 wiith the giirl who fuckiing ruiined my liife?
TA: a giirl who ruiined my liife, completely coiinciidentally, by maniipulatiing me iintwo murderiing a giirl ii really liiked??
TA: are you hone2tly 2ayiing you can't 2ee why ii would have a problem wiith thii2????
AT: yOU SER1OUSLY TH1NK vR1SKA 1S GO1NG TO TRY TO HURT fEFER1,
TA: of cour2e that'2 what ii fuckiing thiink!
AT: uGH, hONESTLY, tH1S 1S JUST 1NSULT1NG,
AT: vR1SKA DOESN'T K1LL PEOPLE ANYMORE,
TA: ii don't giive a 2hiit.
TA: the fact of the matter ii2, ii fuckiing hate vk, okay?
TA: ii ju2t want her out of my liife.
TA: hone2tly, ii would've ju2t been content two iignore her before.
TA: but now 2he's hangiing out wiith ff, and 2he ju2t...
TA: won't.
TA: fuckiing.
TA: go.
TA: away.
TA: al2o, ii think 2he's fliirtiing wiith her, or 2omethiing?
AT: wHAT,
AT: nO SHE 1SN'T,
TA: dude, 2he totally ii2.
AT: oKAY, bULLSH1T,
AT: wHY WOULD SHE BE FL1RT1NG W1TH fEFER1,
AT: sHE'S PERFECTLY HAPPY W1TH kANAYA,
TA: 2he'2 probably doiing iit ju2t to fuck wiith me.
AT: nO, dUDE, cLEARLY YOU'RE JUST 1MAG1N1NG TH1NGS,
TA: ii'm completely 2eriiou2.
TA: hell, ii wouldn't put iit pa2t her to rii2k fuckiing thiing2 up wiith ky ju2t to pi22 me off.
TA: 2he's ju2t that awful of a per2on.
TA: god, ii hate her.
AT: wELL, 1F YOU HATE HER SO MUCH,
AT: wHY DON'T YOU BE HER K1SMES1S,
TA: oh, for fuck'2 2ake, dude, 2eriiou2ly?
TA: you're hoppiing on thii2 bandwagon two?
AT: hONESTLY, wHAT WOULD BE SO BAD ABOUT 1T,
AT: 1 MEAN, yOU OBV1OUSLY HATE HER A LOT,
AT: aND 1 CAN TELL YOU FOR A FACT THAT YOU'RE AMAZ1NG AT P1SS1NG HER OFF,
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG 1T WOULD WORK,
TA: ii don't hate her liike that.
AT: aRE YOU SURE,
AT: bECAUSE YOU'VE REALLY BEEN GO1NG AFTER HER ON THESE MEMOS,
TA: 2o what, ju2t because ii'm biitchiing her out iin publiic mean2 ii'm black for her?
TA: doe2 that mean you're black for eq?
AT: uH,
AT: k1ND OF,
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
AT: hONESTLY, 1T DOESN'T MATTER,
AT: 1 CAN'T GO AFTER HIM ANYWAY,
TA: what? why not?
AT: bECAUSE NONE OF YOUR BUS1NESS, oKAY,
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: but the poiint ii2, ii've got plenty of fuckiing rea2ons to hate her iin a perfectly platoniic way, alriight?
AT: yEAH, wELL,
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, 1 TH1NK 1T HAS POTENT1AL,
TA: ii don't giive a 2hiit iif iit doe2, ii'm 2tiill not becomiing her kii2me2ii2.
TA: hone2tly, what the fuck would that even 2ay?
TA: iit'd be liike... rewardiing her for beiing a huge biitch.
TA: "hey, thank2 for beiing 2uch a horriible psychopath, now you get to fiill paiil2 wiith me."
TA: 2eriiou2ly, what would aa thiink?
AT: tH1S 1S JUST A W1LD GUESS,
AT: bUT SHE'D PROBABLY BE 0K W1TH 1T,
TA: ugh.
TA: not funny.
AT: yEAH, 1T'S A L1TTLE OVERPLAYED AT TH1S PO1NT,
TA: that'2 not what ii meant.
AT: lOOK, aS MUCH AS YOU M1GHT WANT TO, yOU CAN'T JUST 1GNORE vR1SKA,
AT: 1F YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM W1TH HER, wORK 1T OUT W1TH HER,
AT: aS 1S, 1 DON'T SEE ANY NEED TO 1NTERFERE,
TA: god damn iit.
TA: you couldn't at lea2t tell her to 2top fliirtiing wiith me?
AT: sHE'S BLACK FOR YOU, dUDE,
AT: sER1OUSLY,
AT: 1 CAN'T JUST TELL HER TO STOP,
TA: fuck.
TA: 2he's actually 2eriiou2 about thii2?
AT: yEAH, mAN,
AT: l1KE, 1'M PRETTY SURE 1T STARTED OUT AS A LARK,
AT: bUT NOW 1T'S BALLOONED 1NTO TH1S WHOLE B1G TH1NG,
AT: aND YOU REALLY AREN'T HELP1NG MATTERS,
TA: ugh.
TA: maybe ii 2hould lay off a liittle.
AT: oR MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO,
AT: tHE EXACT OPPOS1TE OF THAT,
TA: dude, 2top encouragiing me.
AT: nOPE,
AT: tHAT 1S A TH1NG 1 WILL NOT STOP DO1NG,
TA: well, iin THAT ca2e, ii don't partiicularly feel liike contiinuiing thii2 conver2atiion.
AT: yEAH, wHATEVER,
AT: gOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR WHOLE TH1NG W1TH fEFER1,
TA: yeah, thank2.
TA: ju2t make 2ure vk doe2n't fuck iit up for me tryiing two "help" me.
AT: 1 REALLY DOUBT SHE CAN FUCK 1T UP ANY MORE THAN YOU'RE CURRENTLY FUCK1NG 1T UP R1GHT NOW,
TA: wow, fuck you two.
AT: cAN'T, bRO,
AT: yOU'RE OFF-L1M1TS,
TA: ugh.
AT: aND 1F YOU DO END UP TALK1NG TO aRAD1A,
AT: wH1CH 1 REAL1ZE YOU PROBABLY WON'T,
AT: tELL HER 1F SHE WANTS TO TRAUMAT1ZE ME AGA1N, 1 ST1LL HAVE AN AVERS1ON TO STA1RS,
TA: uh... what?
AT: nEVERM1ND,
TA: well, whatever.
TA: good luck wiith all your 2hiit two, ii gue22.
AT: yOU ARE MY SH1T R1GHT NOW,
TA: eheh, yeah, ii gue22 2o.
TA: 2o, uh, talk two you later or 2omethiing?
AT: rEALLY,
AT: aRE YOU GO1NG TO TALK TO ME LATER,
TA: fuck, ii don't know, maybe.
AT: yOU NEVER JUST WANT TO TALK, tHOUGH,
AT: tHE ONLY REASON YOU'RE TALK1NG TO ME R1GHT NOW 1S BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO MEDDLE 1N vR1SKA'S FR1ENDSH1PS FOR THE SAKE OF PLACAT1NG YOU,
TA: look, dude, iif you don't want two talk two me, ju2t 2ay 2o.
AT: 1 NEVER SA1D THAT,
AT: 1'M JUST SAY1NG, 1T SEEMS L1KE YOU NEVER JUST WANT TO SHOOT tHE bREEZE W1TH ME,
TA: well, ii've had a lot of 2hiit on my miind.
TA: and up untiil recently, you've had problem2 of your own, 2o ii fiigured you weren't iintere2ted iin heariing 2hiit about miine.
AT: yEAH, fA1R ENOUGH, 1 GUESS,
AT: wELL, 1'M ALWAYS HERE,
AT: bUT JUST KEEP 1N M1ND, 1F 1'M GO1NG TO COMM1T PALE 1NF1DEL1TY W1TH SOMEBODY, 1T'S NOT GO1NG TO BE W1TH YOU OF ALL PEOPLE,
AT: vR1SKA WOULD 1MPALE ME ON MY OWN FUCK1NG LANCE, aND YOU KNOW THAT'D COUNT AS A JUST DEATH,
TA: eheheh, yeah, not even goiing there.
TA: ii'm not tryiing two 2teal vk'2 moiiraiil from her.
AT: yOU COULD PRETEND L1KE YOU WERE, tHOUGH,
AT: 1T'D PROBABLY REALLY P1SS HER OFF,
TA: god damn iit, dude, are you 2eriiou2ly tryiing two get me two blackfliirt wiith her?
AT: hA, l1KE YOU NEED ANY HELP W1TH THAT,
AT: yOU'RE DO1NG PLENTY OF 1T BY YOURSELF,
TA: ugh.
TA: whatever, thii2 conver2atiion ii2 over.
AT: yEAH, f1NE,
AT: gOOD LUCK W1TH ALL YOUR SH1T,
AT: aND MAY tHE fLOW BE W1TH YOU,
TA: the what?
AT: oH, yOU KNOW, tHE fLOW,
AT: 1T'S L1KE, tH1S ONE THUMP1NG BEAT REVERBERAT1NG ALL THROUGHOUT PARADOX SPACE,
AT: 1T'S A CONSTANT STREAM OF WORDS, tHOUGHTS, aND 1DEAS THAT UNCONSC1OUSLY CONNECTS ALL L1V1NG BE1NGS,
TA: wow, that'2 kiind of 2tupiid.
AT: hEY, fUCK YOU, dON'T TALK SH1T ABOUT tHE fLOW,
AT: tH1S 1S L1KE,
AT: mY REL1G1ON, mAN,
AT: 1T'S SER1OUS FUCK1NG BUS1NESS, 1T'S L1KE WHAT gAMZEE AND 1'S ENT1RE RELAT1ONSH1P REVOLVES AROUND,
TA: okay, fiine, ii'll re2pect your weiird clown reliigiion.
AT: 1T HAS NOTH1NG TO DO W1TH CLOWNS,
AT: fRANKLY, cLOWNS ARE K1ND OF FUCK1NG LAME,
TA: uh...
TA: that'2 a liittle weiird comiing from you, but okay.
TA: anyway, 2ee you later, ii gue22?
AT: sURE, wHY NOT,
TA: okay, bye, tv.
AT: yEAH, bYE, sOLLUX,
AT: aND BANGARANG,
TA: what?

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: wa2 that...
TA: wa2 that a pupa pan reference?
TA: eheheh, wow, ii don't even know where two 2tart.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT].

***

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GA: Excuse Me Miss Pyrope
GC: Y3S, M1SS M4RY4M?
GA: Ha
GC: WH4T?
GA: Oh Its Just Funny Because No One Ever Returns My Proper Greetings Quite As Properly
GC: UM
GC: OK4Y
GC: WH4T DO YOU W4NT?
GA: I Was Simply Wondering What You Thought Of The New Outfit I Created For You Yesterday
GC: W3LL, 1TS COOL, 1 GU3SS
GC: WH4T 1S 1T C4LL3D 4G41N?
GA: Its Called A Suit
GA: I Believe They Were Traditionally Worn By Legislacerators Several Centuries Ago But That May Simply Be A Rumor
GA: Actually They Were Primarily Worn By Men But I Thought The Garment Might Be Flattering To Your Figure In Particular
GC: 1 W4S GONN4 S4Y, 1T 1S 4 L1TTL3 M4SCUL1N3
GC: BUT ST1LL, 1TS N1C3
GC: 1 3SP3C14LLY L1K3 TH3 V3ST, THOUGH
GC: 1T G1V3S 1T 4 K1ND OF MOD3RN R3DGL4R3 LOOK
GA: Thats Actually Precisely What I Was Going For
GA: Though I Do Hope The Color Isnt An Issue
GA: I Understand You Generally Prefer Bright Red But I Thought A Darker Shade Would Look Better
GC: 1TS F1N3, R34LLY
GC: 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS 1 TH1NK M4ROON 4ND T34L GO TOG3TH3R P3RF3CTLY >8]
GA: Oh
GA: Well Im Pleased That Youre So Amenable To The Concept Of Color Coordination
GC: 1M OK4Y W1TH 1T
GC: BUT 1M OK4Y W1TH 4 LOT OF TH1NGS
GA: Uh
GA: Yes I Suppose
GC: 4NYW4Y, 1 TOLD YOU WH4T 1 THOUGHT OF 1T Y3ST3RDAY
GC: SO WHY 4R3 YOU 4SK1NG 4G41N NOW?
GA: Well
GA: I Was Simply Curious If Your Opinion Had Changed Since The Last Time I Inquired
GC: YOU W4NT TO KNOW WH4T 3R1D4N THOUGHT OF 1T
GA: Yes Okay Thats Exactly What I Want To Know
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GC: YOU JUST C4NT H3LP BUT M3DDL3, C4N YOU?
GA: Im Not Meddling Im Just Curious
GA: Hes The Only Troll Aside From Me Who Seems To Care About Fashion
GC: DO3SNT F3F3R1 TOO?
GC: SH3S 4LW4YS RUNN1NG 4ROUND 1N TH4T GOOFY MULT1COLOR3D G3TUP OF H3RS
GA: Yes Well Lets Just Say I Dont Particularly Care What Feferis Opinion On Your New Outfit Is
GC: >8P
GC: W3LL, 1F YOU MUST KNOW, 3R1D4N L1K3S 1T
GC: 3V3N MOR3 TH4N 1 DO, 4CTU4LLY
GC: NO OFF3NS3
GA: None Taken I Understand Completely
GA: Ill Admit I Sort Of Designed The Outfit With Uh
GA: With His Tastes In Mind
GC: H3H3H3
GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T 3XPL41NS WHY 1TS SO T1GHT 1N TH3 BUTT
GA: Well
GA: Dont Take This The Wrong Way Terezi
GA: But You Have A Nice Butt
GC: H3H3H3H3H3, TH4NK YOU
GA: So I Figured Instead Of Trying To Hide It Ill Just Try To Accentuate It As Much As Trollishly Possible
GA: Just Wrap It Up Tight And Draw All Eyes To Your Callipygian Curves Like Some Sort Of Textile Magnetron
GC: F41R 3NOUGH
GC: THOUGH 1 H4V3 TO WOND3R 1F TH1S WHOL3 4USP1ST1C3SH1P 1S JUST 4N 3XCUS3 TO STR1P M3 4ND N3P3T4 TO OUR SK1VV13S 4ND 4DM1R3 OUR H1NDQU4RT3RS
GA: I Never Said Anything About Nepetas Posterior
GC: Y3S, BUT 1 S4W TH3 OUTF1T YOU M4D3 FOR H3R
GC: 1 D1DNT KNOW TH3R3 W4S 4 F4BR1C TH4T COULD CL1NG TH4T T1GHT
GA: Ive Been Experimenting With Different Materials
GA: I Figured Given Her Active Lifestyle Nepeta Would Want Something That Allowed For Maximum Freedom Of Movement
GC: OF COURS3 TH4T W4S 1T >8P
GA: Well
GA: She Does Have An Attractive Build
GA: Shes Practically At The Peak Of Troll Physical Fitness
GA: So I Figured She May As Well Show It Off
GA: The Jacket Doesnt Exactly Fit With The Whole Idea But It Was A Concession I Assumed Was Necessary
GC: H4H4H4
GC: YOU 4R3 SO W31RD
GA: How Am I Weird
GC: 1TS JUST
GC: 1 DONT S33 HOW M4K1NG CLOTH3S FOR US COUNTS 4S 4USP1ST1C1Z1NG US
GA: Well Ill Admit Its A Little Unconventional
GA: But The Whole Point Of An Auspisticeship Is To Ameliorate Tensions Between The Mediated Parties
GA: And I Figure Doing Things Together Like Trying On Clothes And Roleplaying And Having Tea Parties Is A Perfectly Lovely Way Of Easing Relations Between You And Nepeta
GA: Even If It Is Admittedly A Little Silly
GC: >8/
GA: Okay Its Quite A Bit More Than A Little Silly
GC: H3H3, Y3S
GC: BUT ST1LL
GC: 1M NOT R34LLY SUR3 WHY YOU M4D3 US W4TCH 34CH OTH3R UNDR3SS
GA: Well
GC: 1S 1T SOM3 K1ND OF M3T4PHOR1C4L TH1NG?
GC: L1K3, M4K1NG US 3XPOS3 OURS3LV3S TO 34CH OTH3R 1S SOM3 W4Y OF 3XPR3SS1NG OUR VULN3R4B1L1TY TO 34CH OTH3R OR SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH4T?
GA: Um
GA: Sure Lets Go With That
GC: H4H4H4H4H4
GC: YOU 4R3 SO FULL OF 1T
GA: I Am Full Of Nothing
GA: Except Perhaps Deep Ashen Affection For The Both Of You
GC: PFFFFT
GC: 1 C4NT H3LP BUT NOT1C3, K4N4Y4
GC: TH4T YOUV3 B33N DO1NG 4 LOT OF ROM4NC1NG W1TH TH3 L4D13S L4T3LY
GA: What Do You Mean
GC: W3LL
GC: YOUR3 M4T3SPR1TS W1TH VR1SK4
GC: 4USP1ST1C1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND N3P3T4
GC: 4ND NOW YOUR3 3V3N G3TT1NG 4 L1TTL3 BL4CK FOR F3F3R1
GA: Um
GA: What
GC: 1 S4W TH3 W4Y YOU W3R3 T4LK1NG TO H3R ON TH4T M3MO
GC: M4K1NG L1TTL3 J4BS 4T H3R
GC: 4ND RUBB1NG YOUR WHOL3 TH1NG W1TH VR1SK4 1N H3R F4C3
GC: YOU 4R3 W4X1NG SO BL4CK FOR H3R 1T BLOTS OUT TH3 SUN, DO NOT 3V3N TRY TO D3NY 1T
GA: Okay No This Is Idiotic
GA: Im Not Harboring Any Caliginous Sentiments Towards Miss Peixes
GA: Seriously Thats Just Stupid
GC: WH4TS STUP1D 4BOUT 1T?
GA: I Dont Hate Her
GA: If Ive Been Terse With Her Lately Its Only Because Im Concerned For My Matesprit
GC: VR1SK4?
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU CONC3RN3D FOR H3R
GA: Well
GA: Maybe It Isnt Completely Obvious From How Theyre Interacting In Public
GA: But Im Beginning To Think That Feferi May Have
GA: An Ulterior Motive For Being Friends With Vriska
GC: L1K3 WH4T
GA: Well Its Just
GA: I Realize Im Going To Sound Utterly Paranoid Here
GA: But I Get The Feeling That Miss Peixes May Have Some Er
GA: Flushed Feelings For Vriska
GC: >8O
GC: S3R1OUSLY?
GA: I Know It Seems Utterly Absurd
GA: But I Think Feferi May Be Flirting With Her
GA: Vriskas Shown Me Several Snippets Of Their Private Conversations And The Proof Is Undeniable
GA: She Assures Me Its Not That Big A Deal But Im Not So Certain
GA: Im Afraid Feferi May Be Taking Advantage Of Her Good Nature In Some Sort Of Attempt To Seduce Her
GC: SO
GC: L3T M3 G3T TH1S STR41GHT
GC: YOU TH1NK F3F3R1 H4S SOM3 B1G SCH3M3 TO W1N OV3R VR1SK4
GC: 4ND TH4T SH3S T4K1NG 4DV4NT4G3 OF VR1SK4S GOOD N4TUR3 TO DO 1T
GA: Kind Of Yes
GC: 4ND TH4TS COMPL3T3LY 4CCUR4T3
GA: Essentially
GC: K4N4Y4 TH4T 1S TH3 MOST 4SS B4CKW4RDS TH1NG 1V3 3V3R H34RD
GC: 1F 4NYTH1NG 1TD B3 MOR3 PL4US1BL3 1F TH3 N4M3S W3R3 SW1TCH3D 4ROUND
GA: But
GA: Why Would Vriska Be Attempting To Court Feferi
GA: She Hasnt Expressed Any Unhappiness With Me
GA: If Anything Things Between Us Are Better Than Ever
GC: 1 DONT KNOW
GC: M4YB3 SH3S PLOTT1NG SOM3 D4ST4RDLY SCH3M3
GA: No This Is Preposterous
GA: If She Is Reciprocating Feferis Advances Its Only Out Of A Sense Of Politeness
GA: Or Perhaps Just In An Attempt To Irritate Mister Captor
GC: H3H3H3, Y3S, TH3R3S TH4T TOO
GA: Anyway Nevermind Just Forget I Brought This Up
GA: Possible Improper Advances Aside I Dont Hate Feferi
GA: And Even If I Did Im Not Interested In A Kismesis
GA: Im Supposed To Be Resolving Conflicts Not Facilitating Them
GC: OH COM3 ON
GC: YOU C4NT T3LL M3 YOU 4R3NT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N BL4CKROM
GA: Look It Just
GA: It Wouldnt Be Proper Alright
GC: BL4R, L4M3
GA: Its Not Lame
GA: Were All Supposed To Be Working As A Team
GA: Why Would I Want To Specifically Designate One Person I Despise More Than Anything Else
GA: It Just Seems Counterintuitive To Group Cohesion Is All
GC: DO YOU R34LLY TH1NK 1T WOULD HURT TH1NGS 1F YOU D1SL1K3D ON3 P3RSON OUT OF 3L3V3N OTH3RS?
GA: Well Maybe Not
GA: But What If Everyone Had A Kismesis
GA: If There Were Six Pairs Of Trolls Who Were Constantly At Each Others Throats
GA: Dont You Think That Would Breed A Dangerously Unstable Climate Of Factionalism And Internal Strife For All Parties Involved
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1TD B3 TH4T B4D
GC: 3SP3C14LLY 1F N3P3T4 SUCC33DS 1N H3R L1TTL3 SH1PP1NG QU3ST 4ND W3 4LL H4V3 M4T3SPR1TS 4ND MO1R41LS TOO
GA: Well
GA: Maybe Not
GC: B3S1D3S, K1SM3S1SS1TUD3 1SNT JUST 4BOUT H4T1NG 34CH OTH3R
GC: 1TS 4LSO 4BOUT 4 K1ND OF MUTU4L R3SP3CT
GC: 1N 4N 1D34L K1SM3S1SS1TUD3, 1 DONT TH1NK TH3 M3MB3RS WOULD B3 4T 34CH OTH3RS THRO4TS 4LL TH3 T1M3
GC: 1TD B3 MOR3 L1K3 4 FR13NDLY R1V4LRY TH4N 4NYTH1NG
GA: Wow
GA: Thats Some Sudden Verbosity On The Topic Of Caliginous Romance
GC: TH3S3 4R3 4LL JUST 3R1D4NS THOUGHTS, NOT M1N3
GC: THOUGH 1 C3RT41NLY TH1NK H3 H4S 4 PO1NT
GC: H3 H4S 4 GR34T D34L OF 1NT3R3ST V3ST3D 1N TH3 OBS1D14N QU4DR4NT
GA: Ah Yes Of Course
GA: Hes Concentrated On His Mysterious Unwitting Black Suitor
GA: Any News On That By The Way
GC: W3LL
GC: 4PP4R3NTLY H3S PL4NN1NG TO M4K3 4 MOV3 SOON
GA: Oh Is He
GC: Y3P
GA: Interesting
GC: 1S 1T?
GA: Well Im Just Curious As To How This Will Affect Things Between You And Him
GC: WHY WOULD 1T 4FF3CT TH1NGS B3TW33N US?
GA: Im Not Saying A Troll Acquiring A Caliginous Partner Should Affect Things Between Him Or Her And His Or Her Matesprit In General
GA: But I Believe In This Particular Case It May Complicate Things
GC: W41T
GC: D1D H3 T3LL YOU WHO 1T 1S?
GA: Did He Tell You
GC: Y3S H3 D1D
GA: Well He Told Me Too
GC: TH3N WHO 1S 1T?
GA: But You Already Know Who It Is Dont You
GC: OF COURS3 1 KNOW
GC: BUT 1 JUST W4NT TO M4K3 SUR3 YOU KNOW
GA: But How Do I Know You Dont Actually Know Who It Is
GA: And That You Arent Just Pretending To Know In An Attempt To Get Me To Tell You Who It Is
GC: B3C4US3
GC: TH4TS STUP1D >8/
GC: 1F 1 D1DNT KNOW WHO 1T W4S, 1 WOULD JUST 4SK H1M
GC: HON3STLY
GA: Okay Okay Fine
GA: Now He Didnt Tell Me So Much As I Derived It And He All But Confirmed My Derivation
GA: But I Believe That His Intended Kismesis Is
GA: Miss Leijon
GC: H4H4H4 Y3S TH4TS 1T 3X4CTLY
GA: Its So Bizarre
GA: That Someone As Malicious As Him Would Be Interested In Pursuing Someone As Good Natured As Nepeta
GA: Though I Suppose The Case Could Be Made That Opposites Attract
GA: Or Is It Repel In This Case
GC: 1TS BOTH, 4CTU4LLY
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY
GC: BUT FOR SOM3 R34SON, H3 R34LLY P1SS3S H3R OFF
GA: So It Seems
GA: The Way Shes Been Soliciting Him On Her Memos Is Frankly Kind Of Shameless
GA: Though Apparently She Doesnt Even Realize Shes Doing It
GC: SH3S TOT4LLY OBL1V1OUS
GC: SH3 TH1NKS SH3S NOT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N 4 K1SM3S1S 4T 4LL
GC: BUT SH3S SO OBV1OUSLY FULL OF 1T 1TS HON3STLY K1ND OF H1L4R1OUS
GA: Haha It Kind Of Is Yes
GA: I Suppose Eridan Has His Work Cut Out For Him
GC: 1 TH1NK H3 C4N M4K3 1T H4PP3N
GC: 1T C4NT B3 TH4T H4RD FOR H1M TO M4K3 SOM3ON3 H4T3 H1M
GA: Thats One Way Of Putting It I Guess
GA: In Any Case I Think You Can See Why That Particular Ship Coming To Fruition Could Complicate Things For Me In Particular
GC: 4H Y3S
GC: TH3 OLD M4T3SPR1T-K1SM3S1S 4USP1ST1C3SH1P TR1PL3 TR14D R34CH4ROUND
GA: Thats Not What Its Called
GC: TH3N WH4T 1S 1T C4LL3D?
GA: It Isnt Called Anything
GC: TH3N TH4TS WH4T 1TS C4LL3D NOW!!!
GA: Dear God No
GA: That Is A Positively Awful Name For
GA: Well Honestly For Pretty Much Anything
GC: 1TS 4 P3RF3CT N4M3, SHUT UP
GA: No Absolutely Not I Refuse
GA: I Am Not Calling Anything A Triple Triad Reacharound And That Is Final Have I Made Myself Perfectly Clear
GC: BL4R WH4T3V3R
GC: 4NYW4Y, YOU SHOULD B3 H4PPY
GA: What Why
GC: B3C4US3 OUR 4USP1ST1C3SH1P N33DS 4LL TH3 COMPL1C4T1ONS 1T C4N G3T
GC: 1F YOU DONT M1ND MY S4Y1NG
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T W4S FOUND3D ON K1ND OF 4 SH4KY FOUND4T1ON 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3
GA: Whats That Supposed To Mean
GC: W3LL
GC: N3P3T4 4ND 1 4R3 B4S1C4LLY B3ST FR13NDS
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU TH1NK TH1S L1TTL3 TH1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND K4RK4T 1S B4D 3NOUGH TO R3QUIR3 YOUR 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: HON3STLY 1T S33MS L1K3 YOU SHOULD B3 4USP1ST1C1Z1NG B3TW33N M3 4ND K4RKL3S 1NST34D
GA: Really
GC: K1ND OF Y34H
GA: Well
GA: Honestly I Think Mediating Between You And Karkat Is Something A Little Too Intense For Me To Handle Right Now
GA: I Mean Clearly Theres A Lot Of Bad Blood Between You Two
GC: TH4TS NOT WH4T YOU S41D
GA: What Did I Say
GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3NT 1NT3R3ST3D 1N B31NG 1N TH4T K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P B3TW33N M3 4ND H1M
GC: BUT YOUR3 P3RF3CTLY F1N3 B31NG 1N TH4T K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P B3TW33N M3 4ND N3P3T4
GA: Just What Are You Implying Here Terezi
GC: OH, NOTH1NG
GC: 1T JUST M4K3S M3 WOND3R WH4T K1ND OF R3L4T1ONSH1P YOU 4R3 1NT3R3ST3D 1N W1TH M1ST3R V4NT4S
GA: Okay Fine You Caught Me
GA: I Am One Hundred Percently Completely Black For Karkat Vantas
GA: My Fully Fledged Caliginous Hatred For Him Is Pure Like The Kind You Dont Get In Ten Thousand Sweeps
GA: You Know Thats What Our Kismesissitude Will Be
GA: There Will Be Rainbow Rivers Running Through Star Systems And All Nebulizing Like Liquid Fireworks
GA: It Will Be Beautiful And Heartbreaking All At Once
GC: H4H4H4H4
GC: V3RY 4MUS1NG, M1SS M4RY4M
GC: BUT 4N UTT3RLY TR4NSP4R3NT DODG3
GA: Im Not Dodging Anything
GA: I Was Merely Mocking Your Sentiment In Its Entirety
GC: 1 N3V3R S41D YOU W3R3 BL4CK FOR H1M, THOUGH
GC: S1NC3 YOU CL34RLY 4R3NT
GC: 4ND 1T ST4NDS TO R34SON TH4T YOU 4R3NT FLUSH3D OR 4SH3N FOR H1M 31TH3R
GC: SO BY PROC3SS OF 3L1M1N4T1ON, TH4T L34V3S ONLY
GC: TH3 P4L3 QU4DR4NT, M3TH1NKS??
GA: Terezi This Really Isnt Any Of Your Business
GC: H4H4 WOW B1NGO
GA: Urrgh
GC: 1TS OK4Y, K4N4Y4
GC: 1 WONT HOLD 1T 4G41NST YOU FOR W4NT1NG TO B3 MO1R41LS W1TH TH4T 1NSUFF3R4BL3 L1TTL3 W1GGL3R
GA: And While Were Making Wild Assumptions
GA: Should I Also Assume That Your Negative Sentiments Toward Him Indicate That Youre Feeling Rather Obsidian For Him Yourself
GC: BL4R NO TH4TS STUP1D!
GA: Ever Quick On The Draw Miss Pyrope
GA: I Have To Wonder What Troll William Shakespeare Would Say Regarding Your Avidity To Protest That Particular Suggestion
GC: OK4Y TH1S 1S STUP1D
GC: CL34RLY TH1S L1N3 OF CONV3RS4T1ON 1S GO1NG NOWH3R3
GC: SO L3TS JUST DROP 1T
GA: Okay Fine
GA: Honestly Though Terezi
GA: Karkat Is My Friend
GA: And While Im Interested In His Well Being I Just Dont Want To Get Involved With Him In Such A Tumultuous Quadrant
GC: OF COURS3
GC: YOUR3 H1S FR13ND
GC: N3P3T4 1S H1S FR13ND
GC: K4RKL3S S33MS TO H4V3 4N 4WFUL LOT OF FR13NDS L4T3LY
GC: 3SP3C14LLY CONS1D3R1NG H3S SUCH 4 J3RK >8[
GA: I Really Wish You Wouldnt Cast So Many Aspersions On Him
GC: 1V3 GOT 3V3RY R1GHT TO C4ST 4SP3RS1ONS ON H1M!
GC: D1D YOU S33 WH4T H3 S41D 4BOUT M3 ON TH4T M3MO???
GA: Yes I Know He Said Some Very Unfortunate Things
GA: But He Was Upset
GA: Surely You Can Understand That
GC: W3LL, Y34H
GC: BUT H3 W3NT TOO F4R
GA: You Have To Admit You Were At Least Partially Responsible For That
GC: WH4T!!!
GA: I Realize He Was Saying Some Very Nasty Things And Im Not At All Trying To Pardon Him For That
GA: But Your Constant Attacks On Him Were Simply Adding Fuel To The Fire
GA: I Think Youre Just As Much To Blame As He Was For Things Escalating The Way He Did
GC: WH4T3V3R
GC: H3 C4NT JUST COM3 1NTO 4 M3MO 4ND ST4RT T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 L1K3 H3 FUCK1NG OWNS M3
GC: L1K3 1M 4 SL4V3 TH4T W4ND3R3D TOO F4R FROM H1S CH4T34U
GC: 4ND 1F H3 C4NT H4NDL3 TH3 H34T, H3 N3V3R SHOULD H4V3 POK3D H1S NUBBY-HORN3D H34D 1NTO TH3 V1CTU4LBLOCK
GC: 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOUR3 D3F3ND1NG H1M SO V3H3M3NTLY
GC: OH W41T, 4CTU4LLY 1 DO
GC: BUT YOU 4R3NT GO1NG TO 4DM1T TO TH4T, 4R3 YOU
GA: Shut Up
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GA: For The Last Time Im Not Trying To Defend Karkat
GA: Im Just Saying You Shouldnt Be So Hard On Him
GA: For Nepetas Sake At Least
GC: BL4R
GC: 1TS SO DUMB TH4T SH3S 4NGRY 4T M3 FOR B31NG 4NGRY 4T H1M
GA: Its Not Dumb
GA: She Just Cares About Him Is All
GC: OF COURS3 SH3 C4R3S 4BOUT H1M
GC: SO M4NY P3OPL3 C4R3 4BOUT K4RKL3S
GA: My My
GA: Is That A Hint Of Jealousy I Detect Miss Pyrope
GC: WH4T
GC: WHY WOULD 1 B3 J34LOUS OF K4RK4T
GA: He Does Seem To Be Getting A Lot Of Attention Lately
GA: Could You Be Feeling A Little Neglected Perhaps
GC: JUST WH4T 4R3 YOU 1MPLY1NG K4N4Y4???
GC: SUGG3ST1NG 1M H4V1NG PROBL3MS W1TH 3R1D4N, P3RH4PS?
GA: No Nothing Of The Sort
GA: I Was Talking About Another Quadrant Entirely
GC: YOU M34N MY MO1R41L?
GC: OR R4TH3R MY L4CK OF ON3
GA: Well Clearly Youve Already Fallen Victim To One Of Nepetas Shipping Sweeps
GA: Im Simply Wondering If You Had Any Candidates In Mind
GC: W3LL
GC: M4YB3 1 DO
GC: BUT 1M NOT S331NG HOW 1TS 4NY OF YOUR BUS1N3SS
GA: Terezi Im Your Auspistice
GA: Your Mental Well Being Is Very Much My Business
GC: >8P
GC: YOU KNOW, YOU C4NT US3 TH4T 4S 4N 3XCUS3 TO PRY 3V3RY L1TTL3 S3CR3T OUT OF M3
GA: Yes I Suppose Ill Have To Stop Resorting To It Eventually
GA: But In Any Case I Dont See Why It Has To Be A Big Secret
GC: W3LL
GC: 1 SUPPOS3 1TS 1NCR3D1BLY UNL1K3LY TH4T YOUR3 GO1NG TO L3T 1T SL1P TO H3R 1N C4SU4L CONV3RS4T1ON
GA: Her
GA: Well I Guess That Narrows It Down Somewhat
GC: SH1T
GA: Im Assuming Nepeta And Vriska Are Out Of The Equation
GA: As Am I For Completely Different Reasons
GA: So That Just Leaves Feferi
GA: Oh And Aradia I Suppose
GC: 1TS TH3 L4TT3R, 4CTU4LLY
GA: Oh
GA: Thats
GA: Interesting
GC: 1S TH4T 4 PROBL3M?
GA: What No
GA: Why Would That Be A Problem
GC: 1TS QU1T3 S1MPL3, K4N4Y4
GC: YOUR3 FLUSH3D FOR VR1SK4
GC: 4SH3N FOR M3 4ND N3P3T4
GC: BL4CK FOR F3F3R1
GA: No Im Not
GC: Y3S YOU TOT4LLY 4R3
GA: Urrgh
GC: BY PROC3SS OF 3L1M1N4T1ON, TH4T L34V3S YOU P4L3 FOR 4R4D14
GA: Why Are You Just Assuming Im Only Interested In Entering Quadrant Relationships With Female Trolls
GC: P4TT3RN R3COGN1T1ON, K4N4Y4
GA: No Thats Stupid
GA: And Youre Stupid For Assuming That
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
GA: Anyway Im Not Pale For Aradia
GC: OK4Y, COOL
GA: And Im Not Black For Feferi Either
GC: OH COM3 ON K4N4Y4
GC: YOU GUYS WOULD B3 SUCH 4W3SOM3 K1SM3S3S
GC: J3GUS, C4N YOU 3V3N 1M4G1N3 TH3 S4SS
GC: 1T WOULD B3 3NDL3SS
GA: Okay Seriously
GA: Were Not Talking About This Nonsense Anymore
GC: H3H3H3H3, F1N3
GC: 4NYW4Y
GC: DO YOU TH1NK 1TS W31RD TH4T 1M P4L3 FOR 4R4D14?
GA: I Do Think Its A Little Weird
GA: Because No Offense But Anything Involving Her Is A Little Weird Just By Default
GC: C4NT R34LLY 4RGU3 W1TH TH4T >8P
GA: But It Still Makes Sense
GC: YOU TH1NK SO?
GA: Sure
GA: Her Duties Must Put Her Under A Lot Of Stress
GA: Even If Shed Never Admit To It
GA: And Ever Since She Entered The Game I Havent Heard A Word From Her
GA: Have You Spoken To Her Since Then
GC: Y34H
GC: W3V3 B33N T4LK1NG 4 LOT R3C3NTLY
GC: W31RD T1M3 SH1T, YOU KNOW HOW 1T 1S
GA: Oh Thats Right
GA: She Said You Were Helping Her With Something On That Last Memo
GC: Y34H, 1TS
GC: 1TS COMPL1C4T3D
GA: Wow Something Related To Time is Complicated
GA: Im Shocked Utterly And Truly
GC: >8P
GA: So Have You Made Your Feelings Clear To Her
GC: BL4R NO
GC: BRO4CH1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT H4S PROV3N TO B3
GC: MOR3 D1FF1CULT TH4N 1 4NT1C1P4T3D
GA: Yes
GA: That Always Seems To Be The Problem Doesnt It
GC: >8?
GA: You Know
GA: Just In General
GC: Y3S, OF COURS3
GC: JUST 1N G3N3R4L
GA: Anyway I Wish You The Best Of Luck With That
GC: Y34H, TH4NKS
GC: S4M3 TO YOU W1TH YOUR P4L3 QU4DR4NT
GA: Um
GA: Yes Thank You I Suppose
GA: Anyway I Suppose Thats All I Have To Talk About
GA: But Tell Eridan I Hope His Whole Thing With Nepeta Works Out
GC: H3H3, OF COURS3
GA: Oh That Reminds Me
GA: Theres Something I Wanted To Give You
GC: WH4T?
GA: Here Alchemize This
GA: DglrRscr
GC: OK4Y
GC: OH, 4 DU4LSC4R OUTF1T
GC: 1T DO3SNT LOOK L1K3 1TD F1T 3R1D4N THOUGH
GA: No I Suppose Not
GA: Its Proportioned For Someone Much Shorter
GA: And With Narrower Shoulders
GA: And Much Wider Hips
GC: Y34H
GC: UM
GC: W41T
GC: OK4Y
GC: K4N4Y4 WHY D1D YOU M4K3 4 DU4LSC4R COSTUM3 FOR M3?
GA: Well
GA: Its Just An Idea Is All
GC: 4N 1D34 FOR WH4T?
GA: An Idea For
GA: Well
GA: You Know
GC: UM
GC: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG 3R1D4N 1S 1NTO TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG?
GA: Im Not Suggesting Anything
GA: But I Will Say That Every Third Apogees Dawn
GA: Eridan Has Come To Me With Requests For Womens Clothing Fitted For A Troll With Proportions Suspiciously Similar To His Own
GA: And By Suspiciously Similar
GA: I Mean Completely Identical
GC: >8O
GC: S3R1OUSLY???
GA: Oh Im Quite Serious
GA: Anyway I Suppose I May As Well Complete The Pair
GA: Alchemize This
GA: RscrDglr
GC: OH WOW, OK4Y
GC: 1LL, UH
GC: K33P TH1S 1N M1ND, 1 GU3SS
GA: Just Remember
GA: This Was Entirely Your Idea
GA: If He Finds Out I Told You About This Hell Cull Me On The Spot
GC: H3H3H3, OF COURS3
GC: W3LL, TH4NK YOU FOR M3DDL1NG, K4N4Y4
GC: 1M SUR3 TH1S W1LL M4K3 TH1NGS MOR3
GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG >8]
GA: Always Glad To Help
GA: Anyway I Really Hope His Little Plan With Nepeta Doesnt Cause Too Many Problems For You And Her
GC: BUT SUR3LY YOU HOP3 1TLL C4US3 4 F3W
GA: What
GA: Why Would I Hope For You Two To Have Problems
GA: That Seems Needlessly Malicious To Me
GC: OH COM3 ON K4N4Y4
GC: YOU 4R3 OBV1OUSLY JUST SLOBB3R1NG 4T TH3 OPPORTUN1TY TO R3SOLV3 SOM3 R34L 1SSU3S B3TW33N US
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW YOU G3T OFF ON TH1S K1ND OF TH1NG
GA: I Dont Get Off On It
GC: K4N4Y44444
GC: YOUR 4SH3N BULG3 1S SHOW1NG
GA: Okay Thats Not Even A Real Thing
GA: Why Do You Work So Hard At Being So Awful
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 MY 4USP1ST1C3
GC: W3R3 SUPPOS3D TO H4V3 4 M1LDLY 4NT4GON1ST1C, BUT ULT1M4T3LY 4M1C4BL3 R3L4T1ONSH1P, 4R3NT W3?
GA: Haha Yes I Suppose So
GA: Anyway As Much As I Might Appreciate It Dont Feel The Need To Stir The Pot For My Sake
GA: Im Sure Plenty Of Trouble Will Arise On Its Own
GC: H3H3H3, F1N3
GC: 1 WONT DO YOU 4NY F4VORS TH3N
GA: I Appreciate It More Than You Can Imagine
GA: But I Suppose Ill Stop Meddling For Now
GC: FR33 4T L4ST
GC: TH4NK J3GUS 4LM1GHTY
GA: Oh Whatever
GA: You Enjoy The Meddling And You Know It
GC: W3LL
GC: 1 GU3SS 1TS NOT TH4T B4D
GC: D1D YOU S4Y SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT T34 P4RT13S 34RL13R?
GA: Tea Parties Arent An Inevitability At This Point
GA: But I Certainly Wouldnt Rule Them Out
GA: So Please Do Try To Practice Your Etiquette
GC: 1 FORG3T
GC: 1S 1T RUD3 TO L1CK TH3 OTH3R GU3STS
GA: Yes
GA: Yes It Most Certainly Is
GC: D4MN >8[
GA: Anyway Ill See You Later I Guess
GC: SOON3R TH4N YOU TH1NK, PROB4BLY
GA: Hmm
GA: Im Not Even Going To Bother Picking Apart That Cryptic Comment
GA: Im Just Going To Say
GA: Bye Terezi
GC: BY3 K4N4Y4
GC: c3<
GA: It Seems Excessively Silly To Type Clubs At One Another
GA: But I Suppose Ill Indulge You Just This Once
GA: c3<
GC: H3H3H3 >8]
GA: Anyway Goodbye
GC: S33 Y4

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].