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Chapter 8

A Chance to Glow

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CA: nep no time to talk just go this memo its a fuckin emergency
CA: http://tinyurl.com/ohgodimgonnafuckindie
AC: :33 < what??
AC: :33 < uh, okay

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board oh my fuckin god wwhat the fuck is goin on here im about to die

CCA: fuck fuck fuck
CCA: ok wwevve got a serious fuckin emergency on lotam
CCA: an im kinda trapped here an i dont knoww wwhat the fuck to do so somebody please fuckin help me
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: WHAT
FCG: ERIDAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
CCA: its gam
CCA: hes gone fuckin crazy
CCA: i dont knoww wwhat the fuck happened but he just fuckin snapped
CCA: an noww hes dartin around the hivve like a fuckin lunatic wwith some sorta super speed powwers or some shit
CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCT: D --> So the day has finally come
CCT: D --> The subjugglator within him has awakened
CCT: D --> We are all doomed
FCG: OH MY GOD
FCG: ERIDAN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO????
CCA: i dont knoww i just wwoke up an he wwas like this
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAT: wAIT, yOU SAID,
CAT: yOU TOOK HIM OFF THE SOPOR, rIGHT,
CCA: yeah its all fuckin gone
CCA: not evven any in the fuckin recuperacoon
CAT: yOU MEAN,
CAT: hE WASN'T EVEN SLEEPING IN IT,
CCA: no he wwent to sleep on a fuckin legume sack
CCA: meanwwhile i wwas gettin nice an cozy in the faygo pile wwhen i wwoke up to this fuckin psychotic clowwn
CAT: oH GOD,
CAT: oKAY, tHIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, wHEN HE FORGETS TO TAKE THE SLIME,
CAT: bUT IF HE DIDN'T SLEEP IN IT, iT'S PROBABLY EVEN WORSE THAN USUAL,
CCA: yeah wwell its pretty fuckin bad right noww
CCA: he hasnt tried attackin me yet or anythin but hes playin fuckin mind games wwith me
CCA: an hes rantin about killin all lowwbloods an seadwwellers an its gettin kinda fuckin disturbin
CAT: oKAY, wELL,
CAT: dON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS,
CAT: aND DEFINITELY DON'T ATTACK HIM, bECAUSE,
CAT: hE'LL PROBABLY KILL YOU,
CAT: oR YOU'LL KILL HIM, mAYBE
CAT: aND NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS IS VERY GOOD,
CCA: believve me i dont wwanna havve to kill him
CCA: but im startin to wwonder wwhat the fuck else i can do at this point
CAT: wELL, dO YOU HAVE ANY SLIME AVAILABLE,
CCA: course ivve got fuckin slime
CCA: its all in my fuckin sylladex
FCG: OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
FCG: GIVE HIM SOME FUCKING SLIME, YOU NOOK-SNIFFING IGNORAMUS!!!
CCA: no fuck that
CCA: im his moirail not his fuckin dealer
CCA: i wwanna help him not be the guy wwho keeps him drugged up wwith fuckin sopor
FCG: FOR FUCK'S SAKE
FCG: HE'S TRYING TO KILL YOU, YOU DUMB FUCK, IS NOW REALLY THE TIME TO STICK TO YOUR FUCKING GUNS?????
CCA: look somebody please just fuckin tell me theres a wway to calm him dowwn wwithout givvin him anymore fuckin slime
CCT: D --> A subjugglator's b100dthirst is not sated so easily
CCT: D --> Only b100dshed can satisfy it
CCT: D --> If a sacrifice is required, I will gladly be the first vi%im
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAC: :33 < equius, no!!!
CAC: :33 < im not letting you get yourself killed to satisfy your insane hemeowspectrum submission fantasies!!!
CCT: D --> Nepeta, stay out of this
CCT: D --> It is not something I e%pect a greenb100d to understand
CAC: :33 < i understand it enough!
CAC: :33 < youre offuring to let gamz33 kill you, and im putting my foot down!
CAC: :33 < as your meowrail, i furbid you furom going to lotam!!
CCT: D --> This transcends the bounds of moirallegiance
CCT: D --> It is the highb100d's destiny
CCT: D --> As it is mine
CAC: XOO < grrrr NO IT ISNT!!!
CAC: XOO < EQUIUS, STAY THE FUCK OFF OF LOTAM!!!!!!
CCT: D --> Your
CCT: D --> Impudence
CCT: D --> Is noted
CCT: D --> But I must go
CCT: D --> I'm sorry, Nepeta
CCT
ceased responding to memo.
CAC: XOO < ARRRGRGHRGHRGHRGHRGHRGJGARSKHLFSADJBLKJ
CAC: :33 < well, i guess im going to lotam too to stop that idiot furom killing himself!
CAC: :33 < be right there
CAC
ceased responding to memo.
CCA: god damnit no
CCA: this isnt wwhat i fuckin wwant at all
CCA: somebody please howw the fuck do i stop this wwithout anybody dyin
CAT: wELL, tHERE MIGHT BE A WAY,
CCA: wwhat is it
CAT: wELL, uH,
CAT: dO YOU KNOW ANYTHING, aBOUT, uH
CAT: sLAM POETRY,
CCA: wwhat
CCA: no i dont fuckin knoww anythin about fuckin slam poetry are you fuckin kiddin me
CAT: wELL, wHEN HE GOT LIKE THIS BEFORE,
CAT: rAPPING ALWAYS SEEMED TO, uH
CAT: cALM HIM DOWN,
CCA: oh god are you fuckin serious
CCA: so wwhat ivve gotta challenge him to a fuckin poetry slam
CAT: nO, i WOULDN'T SUGGEST THAT,
CAT: bECAUSE YOU'LL PROBABLY LOSE,
CAT: aND IF YOU LOSE, hE'LL, uH,
CAT: kILL YOU,
CCA: oh my god
CAT: oKAY, lOOK,
CAT: i'LL COME OVER TO lotam,
CAT: mAYBE i'LL BE ABLE TO PACIFY HIM,
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTC: no no no no no.
CTC: MOTHER FUCK NO.
CTC: tavbro stay the fuck away.
CTC: STAY THE MOTHERFUCK AWAY TAVBRO.
CTC: i don't want to motherfuckin hurt you.
CTC: BUT IF YOU MOTHERFUCKING COME HERE I'M MOTHERFUCKING GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL YOU TAVBRO.
CAT: gAMZEE, pLEASE STOP THIS,
CTC: i can't motherfuckin stop it, brother.
CTC: THE MOTHERFUCKING SLIME IS MOTHERFUCKING GONE AND MY MOTHERFUCKING EYES ARE MOTHERFUCKING OPEN.
CTC: and now i know what my true motherfuckin destiny is.
CTC: IT'S TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKING ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.
CAT: gAMZEE, i'M COMING TO lotam,
CAT: aND i'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING i SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO,
CTC: no.
CTC: YOU CAN'T MOTHERFUCKING SEE ME LIKE THIS, TAVBRO.
CTC: just motherfuckin stay away.
CAT: i HAVE TO DO THIS, gAMZEE,
CAT: i'M SORRY,
CTC: HOOOOOOONK.
CTC
ceased responding to memo.
FCG: OH MY GOD.
FCG: PLEASE, TAVROS, DON'T HURT HIM.
CAT: kARKAT,
CAT: i CAN'T HURT HIM ANY MORE THAN i ALREADY HAVE,
FCG: WHAT?
FCG: LOOK, MAYBE I SHOULD COME OVER THERE.
FCG: SOMEBODY HAS TO PAP THIS CLOWN INTO SUBMISSION.
FCG: AND IF ERIDAN CAN'T GET HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND DO IT, THEN I'M GOING TO HAVE TO STEP IN.
CCA: god damnit kar you think i didnt fuckin think a that
CCA: he keeps doin this fuckin flash step thing an i cant get a fuckin bead on him
CCA: i cant evven shoosh him let alone fuckin pap him
CCA: evvery time i try to get close to him he throwws a fuckin faygo bottle in my face or makes me trip ovver a legume sack or some shit
CCA: seriously my pranksters gambit is gettin dangerously fuckin loww ovver here
FCG: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SUCH AN INCOMPETENT BUFFOON.
FCG: MY CONTEMPT FOR YOU AT THIS MOMENT IS LITERALLY PALPABLE, AND I'M CURRENTLY MOLDING IT INTO THE SHAPE OF A GIANT MIDDLE FINGER POINTED RIGHT AT YOUR MORONIC FACE.
FCG: I'M COMING OVER THERE.
CAT: kARKAT, pLEASE, i CAN HANDLE THIS,
CAT: aND IT'S SOMETHING i HAVE TO DO MYSELF,
FCG: GOD DAMNIT, WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO CULL HIM?
FCG: BECAUSE IF YOU'RE DOING THAT, I'M GOING THERE JUST TO STOP YOU.
CAT: nO, lOOK, tHERE'S NO CULLING INVOLVED,
CAT: bUT, i MEAN,
CAT: mY PLAN IS A LITTLE WEIRD,
CAT: aND i DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW,
CAT: bUT i KNOW IT'LL WORK
CAT: jUST TRUST ME,
FCG: ...
FCG: OKAY, FINE.
FCG: BUT IF YOU KILL HIM, I'M COMING AFTER YOU NEXT.
CAT: iT WON'T COME TO THAT, bELIEVE ME,
CAT: aNYWAY, i SHOULD GO,
CAT
ceased responding to memo.
FCG: GOD.
FCG: ERIDAN, YOU ARE SUCH A METEORIC FUCKUP, IT'S ALMOST INSPIRING.
FCG: INSPIRING ME TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.
CCA: you think i dont fuckin knoww that kar
CCA: i wwasnt tryin to drivve gam into a genocidal fuckin rage yknoww
CCA: i wwas tryin to help him
CCA: i figured if he got off the sopor hed be more activve an alert an basically wwouldnt let the wwhole fuckin wworld pass him by
CCA: wwhich i guess wwas a resoundin fuckin success for a givven definition of success
CCA: that bein one wwhich doesnt count him turnin into a vviolent psychopath as a failure condition
FCG: WELL
CCA: god this wwhole thing was a fuckin mistake wwasnt it
CCA: i nevver shoulda become gams moirail in the first place
CCA: im just the shittiest goddamn moirail there evver fuckin wwas
CCA: cant evven help somebody like gam wwithout fuckin things up monumentally
CCA: i cannot BELIEVVE wwhat a fuckin asshole i am
FCG: ERIDAN, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A MINUTE, OKAY?
FCG: YOU'RE NOT A COMPLETELY AWFUL MOIRAIL.
FCG: YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO HELP GAMZEE.
FCG: AND YEAH, I MEAN, YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING IT UP CATASTROPHICALLY AS WE SPEAK
FCG: AND YOU'RE KIND OF A DUMBFUCK FOR BUMBLING INTO THIS WHOLE SOPOR THING ALL GUNGHO IN THE FIRST PLACE
FCG: BUT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE EVEN TRYING SAYS SOMETHING.
CCA: really
FCG: LOOK, JUST LET TAVROS TRY HIS THING
FCG: AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, YOU CAN JUST PUT GAMZEE BACK ON THE SLIME AND WE'LL WRITE THIS WHOLE THING OFF AS A WELL-INTENTIONED MISTAKE.
FCG: ALRIGHT?
CCA: wwell
CCA: ok
CCA: shit kar you alwways seem to knoww just the right thing to say
CCA: maybe you shouldvve been gams moirail
FCG: NO, FUCK YOU.
FCG: YOU'RE HIS MOIRAIL NOW, AND THAT IS FUCKING THAT.
FCG: SO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND JUST DEAL WITH IT.
CCA: yeah alright
CCA: oh hey nep just got here
CCA: and shit theres eq right fuckin behind her
CCA: howw the fuck did he get here so fast
CCA: god that fuckin guy
CCA: hes probably got a bulge just thinkin about gettin subjugglated
FCG: ALRIGHT, I APPRECIATE YOU KEEPING ME UPDATED HERE, BUT CAN WE MOVE THIS TO A PRIVATE CONVERSATION?
FCG: IF THE REST OF THESE ASSHOLES WANT THE PLAY-BY-PLAY, THEY CAN GO TO FUCKING LOTAM THEMSELVES.
CCA: yeah sure
CCA: probably airin too much shit out here anywway
CCA: but really thanks for bein supportivve kar
FCG: YEAH YEAH WHATEVER.
FCG: TALK TO YOU ALMOST IMMEDIATELY.
CCA: right
FCG ceased responding to memo.
CCA ceased responding to memo.

CCA closed memo.

***

"Equius, no! You are not going up there!"

"Nepeta, you will release me at once."

The two stood a good distance from the entrance to Gamzee's hive, Nepeta interposing herself between Equius and the structure and attempting to restrain him by his arms. From where they were standing, they could occasionally catch quick glimpses of a blurry figure through the hive's windows, as well as the occasional flying horn or bottle of Faygo. They could also faintly hear the two occupants conversing, with Gamzee constantly babbling about death and murder, and Eridan's attempts at consolation being interrupted with a loud honk or the sharp hiss of an exploding soda bottle, each earning a string of expletives from the terrified seadweller.

"No I won't!" Nepeta shouted, glaring up at Equius and attempting to shake his massive arms, only succeeding in shaking herself against him. "You can't go up there! It's too dangerous! If you go confront Gamzee, one of you is going to get hurt, or probably even killed!"

Equius glowered down at her. "That is none of your concern," he said. "As the highest-blooded of the landdwellers only before him, it is my sole privilege to deal with the highblood."

"So what," Nepeta said, "you're going to try to stop him?"

Equius hesitated. "Er," was all he could manage in response.

"You're not!" Nepeta yelled, beating a hand against his chest. "You're just gonna go up there and kneel before him and let him beat you to death with a club, and you'll just sit there and take it with a smile on your face because you're a fucking idiot!"

Equius grabbed her wrist as delicately as he could, still sending a sharp spike of pain through it and causing her to flinch. "Nepeta, watch your language," he said suddenly and harshly.

"No! I won't watch my language, because you're being stupid!" Nepeta said, futilely attempting to wriggle her arm out of his grip until he released it. "I'm not letting you go up there, and that's that!"

Equius huffed, and a few beads of sweat began to appear on his forehead. "Nepeta, this is not something I expect you to understand, but it is something I must do," he said, his voice shaking with bridled rage. "Now get out of my way."

"No! I'm not getting out of your way!" Nepeta shouted, her arms balled into fists at her sides. "In fact..." She suddenly dropped to the ground and wrapped her entire body around Equius' shins. "I'm getting even more in your way! Now you can't even move without tearing me in half! What do you think about that?"

Equius looked down at her and let out a long, disgusted sigh. "Nepeta, stop this. You're being foolish."

"You're the one who's being foolish, Equius!" she shot back at him. "I'm doing this for your own good!"

The two continued to bicker for a while, with Equius vainly attempting to extricate himself from Nepeta's grip without hurting her, until they were interrupted by the arrival of Tavros. He was garbed in loose-fitting, light blue god tier apparel, and he fluttered to the ground on large brown wings, leaving a trail of cinnamon sparkles in his wake.

"Tavros?" Nepeta asked, disentangling herself from Equius' legs and standing once more. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to deal with Gamzee," Tavros replied, his voice unwavering, and filled with what she almost wanted to say was conviction.

"Correction, rustblood," Equius said, stepping between Tavros and Gamzee's hive. "I am here to deal with the highblood. You are entitled to do nothing more than watch."

Tavros just glared at him. "With all due respect, Equius," he spat, making it entirely clear how little that was, "this has nothing to do with you. It's between me and Gamzee."

"No," Equius growled in response, leaning over Tavros, "I am between you and the highblood."

Tavros didn't flinch. "Well, in that case," he said, "I guess you'll just have to step aside."

Equius pursed his lips, and he once again started to perspire. "Is that..." he started, his voice quivering with anger and disgust. "Is that a command?"

"Call it what you want," Tavros said, and took a step closer to look Equius straight in the eyes. "Just get. The fuck. Out. Of my way," he said in a low growl, almost a whisper, and raised a hand to his side. He swept it in front of him in a wave, and Equius was suddenly buffeted out of the way by a sharp blast of wind. Tavros strode confidently through the vacuum left in his wake, and Equius was too shocked to do anything but turn and watch him.

"Gamzee!" he shouted as he advanced toward the hive. "It's Tavros! Come out here and face me!"

The commotion in the hive came to a sudden stop, and after a moment's pause, the front door snapped open and then shut again as Gamzee darted his way through it. He stood fully upright, completely different from his normal slouched stance, and towered several inches over Tavros. Gamzee looked at him sorrowfully, his mouth contorted into a horrifying frown. "Tavbro, why'd you motherfuckin' come?" he said. "I MOTHERFUCKING TOLD YOU TO STAY THE MOTHER FUCK AWAY."

"I came to put an end to this, Gamzee," Tavros replied, looking Gamzee in the eyes earnestly.

"There's only one motherfuckin' way it's gonna motherfuckin' end, brother," Gamzee said. "I KILL EVERY MOTHERFUCKING LAST ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, OR ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKING KILLS ME."

"It doesn't have to be like this, Gamzee," Tavros said.

Gamzee looked to the ground, shaking his head. "I've seen the motherfuckin' truth, brother," he said. "I'VE SEEN THE MOTHERFUCKING DESTINY WHAT'S BEEN LAID MOTHERFUCKING DOWN TO ME." He let out a dry, choking laugh. "The Mirthful Messiahs were always a motherfuckin' lie. MY ONLY MOTHERFUCKING PURPOSE FOR EVER MOTHERFUCKING BEING WAS TO EXECUTE ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS."

"Gamzee, please," Tavros pleaded, opening his arms plaintively. "Just stop this."

"Wish I motherfuckin' could, but it's not that motherfuckin' simple," Gamzee said, then looked back up at Tavros, his mouth twisted into a snarl. "IT WON'T MOTHERFUCKIN' STOP UNLESS YOU'RE PREPARED TO MOTHERFUCKIN' STRIFE ME."

"Actually," Tavros said, suddenly shifting to a self-assured tone, "I'd prefer if we could settle this in a more traditional way." He held his left arm out, and suddenly a massive boombox materialized in it from his sylladex. He unhooked a microphone from it with his other hand and let it settle at his side.

Seeing this, Gamzee let out a long, honking laugh. "You want to motherfuckin' slam with me, brother?" he asked with a menacing grin. "YOU MOTHERFUCKING KNOW THE MOTHERFUCKING RULES."

"Of course," Tavros said with a smirk. "Winner takes the loser's life."

Gamzee frowned at him. "Don't motherfuckin' do this, Tavbro," he pleaded. "YOU NEVER MOTHERFUCKING BEAT ME IN A MOTHERFUCKING SLAM, AND I DON'T MOTHERFUCKING WANT TO HAVE TO MOTHERFUCKING CULL YOU."

Tavros' face turned to stone. "I'm not going to lose, Gamzee."

Rage clouded Gamzee's mind once more, and his frown again curled into a wicked grin. "Motherfuckin' fine then. THE MOTHERFUCKING CHALLENGER GOES FIRST."

Tavros hit the power button on the boombox and released his grip on it, forming a tiny little whirlwind to lower it gently to the ground. A soft, mournful piano piece started playing from its speakers, and Tavros raised his hood over his head. The two stared each other down, waiting for the beat to drop.

Eridan was watching everything unfold from the the hive's front window, frenetically dictating everything taking place into his huskpad. Seeing an opportunity to escape the hive, he disappeared from the window, then emerged from the hive's back entrance. Tavros and Gamzee continued their standoff, the boombox having transitioned to a strumming guitar piece, and Eridan carefully made his way over a tightrope to where Nepeta and Equius were standing.

"What the fuck are they doin'?" he asked, still tapping on his huskpad.

"It's a poetry slam," Equius answered, but didn't look away from the spectacle unfolding. "The traditional way of settling disputes among highbloods." He huffed out a prideful laugh. "The rustblood has no chance of defeating him. He will certainly be culled."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that..." Nepeta said with a sly smirk.

Eridan just rolled his eyes. "This is the dumbest fuckin' thing I've ever fuckin' seen."

Tavros tapped the microphone to ensure it was working properly, sending a few loud thumps through the boombox's speakers. Suddenly, a pounding beat dropped into the song, and he raised the mic to his mouth and began to rap.

"Okay, so, I know you must be feelin' mad,
All this lack of slime's got you really sad,
But, I just want to tell you, that it's not so bad,
You've got friends who care about you, and they're really glad,
That, uh, you're alright, you're not feeling the bite,
Or, uh, I guess you are, so uh, fuck, nevermind,
But, the point is, you've still got stuff to live for,
Even if you have to stop taking the sopor,
You've got a moirail who cares enough not to drug you,
And you've got all your friends, and maybe even one who loves you,
So like a legislacerator, I'm about to drub you,
Cook up a big souffle of rhymes and serve it up like grubfood,
Wait, I shouldn't mention baking, because of the pies,
So that was probably out of line, and I apologize,
But if you could see the truth and just look past all the lies,
You'd see this world is full of beauty, if you open your eyes.
"

From the sidelines, Nepeta gave an uncertain grimace. "Was... was that good?"

"No," said Equius flatly. "It was absolute rubbish."

"Well, I mean," Eridan started, proffering a justifying palm in a half-shrug, "the beginnin' was fuckin' awful, but it... kind of got better?"

Equius simply turned and looked at the seadweller, utterly silent. Eridan slumped his shoulders and looked away. "Okay, it was fuckin' garbage," he admitted as he returned to tapping away at his huskpad. "But maybe Gam won't be any better."

Tavros extended the mic and dropped it into Gamzee's waiting palm. The clown raised it to his head, mouth curved in a murderous grin, all the traces of compassion in his expression lost in the heat of subjugglation, and began to rap.

"Your rhymes are weak, and your message is motherfuckin' hollow,
So it's time to spit some rhymes for you to motherfuckin' follow,
No shitblood motherfucker can understand the depths of my sorrow,
So let me try to explain my pain with this mic that I've borrowed,
Ever since I was a fuckin' grub, I believed it was true,
That every brother would be saved by the Mirthful Messiahs two,
But the slime made me blind, clouded my fuckin' mind,
And now I see the truth that was always behind,
My violent activities, profane proclivities,
And it was never any motherfuckin' clownish divinities,
It's this indigo blood poundin' through my fuckin' veins,
Stirrin' me into a bloodlust, drivin' me insane,
And now I know my true purpose was always to cull,
Track down lowblood motherfuckers and cave in their fuckin' skulls,
Ain't no motherfuckin' miracle can stop this rage,
So just do yourself a favor and step off of the stage.
"

The three spectators looked on slack-jawed. "He's fucked," Eridan piped up.

"Well, it's still going," Nepeta offered hesitantly. "If he can do better, he still has a chance!"

Equius opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't come out. He simply stood in silence, sweating profusely.

Gamzee slapped the mic into Tavros' open hand, and the brown-blooded troll raised it with a look of determination on his face. A light breeze began to stir the air as he began to rap once more.

"Now I hear what you're sayin, and I know you're not playin',
But I think it's time you listen to these rhymes that I'm layin',
I can see that you're a killer by the mark on your shirt,
But that don't mean that anybody further has to get hurt,
Nature versus nurture, it's all just a debate,
It doesn't make it fate that you'll have to subjugglate,
It's written down in history that you'll succumb to your rage,
But this a whole different chapter, so write up a new page,
I know there's fury smoldering all up in your brain,
But I'm not about to sit and let it up and drive you insane,
You've got friends that want to help you to get over this pain,
Work out the shit that's tangled in your fuckin' membrane,
Your anger is all-consuming, but I know you can fight it,
If it's your destiny to kill, then we'll just have to rewrite it,
Present fate your middle finger, drop your clubs just to spite it,
There's hope for good in all of us, we just have to ignite it.
"

Equius blinked, his eyes wide. "That was..." he started begrudgingly, "a marked improvement."

"Yeah, I don't know shit about poetry, but that sounded a lot fuckin' better," Eridan replied, still diligently entering keystrokes into his huskpad. "Shit, maybe Tav can actually win this fuckin' thing."

"Yeah!" Nepeta squealed with a little clap, then threw a fist into the air. "Go Tavros!"

As Tavros handed the mic to Gamzee, the highblood's grin vanished, the look on his face shifting from amusement to determination. The wind continued to howl as he started his rap.

"Motherfucker, this fuckin' blasphemy is makin' me choke,
The chucklevoodoos can't be stopped, that's a motherfuckin' joke,
The motherfuckin' urges deep inside me can't be repressed,
I'll cull and slaughter motherfuckers like a demon possessed,
The one reason for my being was a slanderous lie,
Designed to keep me all in line until the day that I die,
But now I've seen the fuckin' truth, and my whole world is shattered,
My whole religion was a joke, all that shit never mattered,
There ain't no motherfuckin' miracles except what we make,
From the tendons that we sever and the bones that we break,
The vaunted paradise I'll beckon with a mythical flood,
From the corpses of my brothers, flowing rivers of blood,
My only way to cope is killin' every fucker I see,
Already killed the only thing that ever mattered to me,
So whoever wins this fuckin' slam, we're both gonna lose,
Either way, the whole thing's fucked, why even bother to choose?
"

Equius cocked an eyebrow. "That entire last stanza seems... particularly grim, even given his already dark subject matter," he pondered bemusedly. "What could he be talking about?"

"I think I know," Eridan said, giving Nepeta a knowing glance.

"Yeah, me too," Nepeta said, returning Eridan's look with a smirk. She turned back to the battle. "Now, Tavros! Go for it!"

Tavros looked back to her with a smirk of his own, and he snatched up the mic almost immediately after it left Gamzee's grip. The breeze intensified further, and little funnels of dust and debris began to twist around Tavros as he started to rap.

"Now I can see the only way to get through to ya's destruction,
So let me turn these bitches up to stern to give you instruction,
I'm not the troll you knew, so let me give a fresh introduction,
My name is Rufio, a fuckin' Tavros Nitram production,
Now let me tell you what I think of all these problems you got,
They're all bullshit on a platter, served up steamin' and hot,
Your fuckin' existential crisis is a trifle compared,
To all the fundamental stresses on the staircase-impaired,
But all the difficulties pressed upon me, I overcame,
And now I'm walkin' and I'm flyin', when before I was lame,
When all these challenges come to you, you just can't stay the same,
'Cause developing and growing is the name of the game,
I've overcome so many obstacles, you can't understand,
I've got spiders eatin' from the fuckin' palm of my hand,
I'm not about to let you go insane like destiny planned,
So now the shooshing will commence, and you know it'll be grand.
"

As the rap intensified, Tavros' voice heightened into a deafening crescendo, reverberating with an otherworldly power. Gamzee and the rest looked on in awe as the vortices swirling around Tavros began to lift him off the ground.

Equius, by this point, was sweating profusely. "He has found The Flow," he said reverentially. "There are no words." He quickly retrieved a fresh towel from his sylladex and began to wipe off his brow.

"Yeah, I think it's fair to say Tav's got a fuckin' monopoly on words at this point," Eridan admitted, the skeptical amusement once in his voice now completely absent.

Nepeta looked on wide-eyed with amazement. "They should've sent Troll Jodie Foster."

Tavros didn't even bother handing the mic back to Gamzee. Instead, he let his brown wings unfurl behind him, sending little clouds of sparkles in all directions. The wind whipped the hood off his head, and the fury of the maelstrom around him would have threatened to drown him out completely had it not been for the boombox amplifying his every word. Gamzee looked up with quickly slipping resolve as Tavros continued his verbal beatdown.

"So let me introduce you to a program I just made up,
It's a two-step intervention to get out of this rut,
Step one is to admit your problem, which you've just done,
And then the motherfuckin' next step's where it really gets fun,
Step two is to submit yourself to a higher power,
Who just happens to be ascending in this glorious hour,
There ain't no jovial divinities to find under Skaia,
So bow down, cause I'm your Verbal motherfuckin' Messiah,
I'll incinerate your sins in all my sickest of fires,
And let my lyrics burn away all your earthly desires,
From Prospit to Derse, everyone will join in congregation,
To bathe in the light of this terminal conflagration,
Your iniquities I'll vanquish, I'll exterminate your anguish,
Turn your weakness into strength with all the vagaries of language,
So it's time you give it up and just snap out of this rage,
Because your horns got handed to you, so bow down to the Page!
"

As the whirlwind surrounding Tavros dissipated, the only sounds in the air were the slowly dying winds and the constant pulse of the beats. Tavros touched down to the ground and thrust the mic out in front of him. Gamzee simply stared, his mouth agape and quivering, and after a long pause, Tavros released the mic. A series of loud thumps sounded as it came to a stop on the ground. The beat continued for a moment more until Tavros jabbed a single finger toward the boombox, silencing it with a sharp thrust of wind.

As the beat died, Gamzee collapsed to his hands and knees. He stared into the ground, breathing heavily. "You fuckin' beat me, Tavbro. FAIR AND MOTHERFUCKING SQUARE," he said, his voice cracking, and he began to sob. "Just do it. MOTHERFUCKING KILL ME NOW."

As Gamzee continued to sob, Tavros looked down at him, the look of determination on his face melting into one of pity. "Gamzee, why are you crying?" he asked quietly.

"I didn't motherfuckin' want it to end this way, Tavbro," Gamzee lamented, still not looking up to face Tavros. "DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE YOU MOTHERFUCKING KILL ME." He buried his face in the ground, cradling his hands over the back of his head. "I fuckin' loved you, Tavbro," he said through muffled sobs. "BUT NOW IT DOESN'T MOTHERFUCKING MATTER."

Tavros sighed. "Who says I have to kill you?"

"We both motherfuckin' said it!" Gamzee looked up and cried. "WE AGREED ON THE MOTHERFUCKING TERMS!" He lowered his head and continued wailing.

Tavros furrowed his brow the slightest bit. "Get up," he commanded, and Gamzee complied, though he continued to stare downward.

"Nobody ever said anything about killing, Gamzee," Tavros said matter-of-factly, then smirked. "We said the winner takes the loser's life. It's fairly open to interpretation."

Gamzee sniffled and looked up. "So what are you gonna fuckin' do?"

Tavros laughed to himself. "Something I should've done a long time ago," he said. He stepped forward, reached a hand behind Gamzee's head, and pulled him into a kiss.

Gamzee's eyes widened in shock, but he quickly settled in, returning the kiss in full force. From the sidelines, Nepeta squealed in joy and clapped to herself, Eridan couldn't help but laugh, and all Equius could manage was to flinch and sputter out a wordless amalgamation of shock and disgust. He quickly buried his face in his towel.

Tavros disengaged the kiss with a smile, and Gamzee stared at him, his face full of wonderment. "Tavbro, are you...?" he started, but trailed off, unable to muster the belief to finish his sentence.

Tavros sighed, and his smile slanted into a lopsided frown. "I'm sorry, Gamzee," he said, his voice a curious cocktail of elation and regret. "I really should've done this sooner. When you first..." he looked to the side, and a brown flush filled his cheeks, "...proposed the idea, I never even really gave it a chance. And I really should have reacted to it better."

"Nah, I get it, bro," Gamzee said in an unusually stable voice, neither the menacing whisper nor the bellowing growl of moments ago. "I pretty much up and sprang that shit over you in the worst motherfuckin' way imaginable."

"Yeah, maybe," Tavros said, tilting his head, then turned back to face Gamzee. "But still! I never even thought about what it might be like to be your matesprit. I just pushed the whole thing out of my mind. And I think if I had thought about it..." The frown on his face was once again replaced with a smile. "...I would've really liked the idea."

Gamzee's eyes widened even further, and an indigo blush was barely visible under his facepaint. "Tavbro, are you saying..."

Tavros cut him off by grabbing his hands. "It's not too late, is it, Gamzee?" he asked, looking up at him pleadingly. "Can we still be matesprits?"

Gamzee laughed, and a wide grin covered his face. "Shit yeah we can, brother," he said, and the two leaned in for a long, passionate kiss. Nepeta, wanting to start a tradition, started cheering and clapping once more, and Eridan joined in the applause with a grin. Equius simply muttered something unintelligible into his towel and turned away from the spectacle.

Once they finished, Nepeta scampered up to them. "So do you two really want to be matespurrits?" she asked excitedly, flicking her tail behind her.

"Yeah, we do," Tavros answered with a smile. "That's pretty much all there is to say on the matter."

"That's great!" she exclaimed, doing a happy little jump in place. "I'm so happy fur you two!"

"Not as motherfuckin' happy as I am, sister," Gamzee said, wrapping an arm around Tavros' shoulder and pulling him in tightly.

"As we are," Tavros quickly corrected. Gamzee just laughed in response.

"Well, of course not!" Nepeta admitted. "Ah, this is so exciting! I've got to update my shipping wall right away! And then I'll need to post another memo!"

"I wouldn't be too quick to post that memo, actually," Tavros warned her, and a devious grin crawled across his face. "We've got some... things we need to take care of first."

Nepeta laughed, then quickly raised a hand over her face, to cover both her mouth and the slight olive blush streaking across her cheeks. "Yes, yes, of course! Well, just troll me whenefur you're done!"

Eridan sheepishly approached the couple, and raised two fingers to Gamzee in a lazy wave. "Hey, Gam, you uh..." he started nervously, "You alright?"

Gamzee shot him a thumbs-up. "Better than I ever been on my motherfuckin' life, palebro," he said contentedly.

Eridan returned his thumbs-up and laughed nervously. He looked over to Tavros. "So, uh, you two got this under control?"

"I think so, yes," Tavros said with a smirk. "If anything happens, I always carry some unhealthy incendiaries on me for emergencies."

Eridan laughed a little more freely this time. "Alright, well, I assume you two'll want some privacy." He tilted a thumb towards Nepeta. "Unless little miss fuckin' voyeur over here wants a free show from you too."

Nepeta slapped his arm playfully. "Of course I don't! Shut up!" Eridan slapped back at her, and the two engaged in a brief slapfight as Tavros and Gamzee looked on laughing. 

Nepeta was the first to propose a ceasefire (or ceaseslap, as it were). "Okay, okay, stop!" she shouted, blocking Eridan's weak slaps with her arms. She turned to Tavros and Gamzee. "Anyway! We should purrobably leave you two alone fur now!"

"Yeah, purrobably," Eridan repeated sardonically, rubbing his aching hands. "Have fun, you two."

"That was the plan, motherfucker," Gamzee said with a thumbs-up.

"Nepeta, I'll troll you when we're ready to post on that memo," Tavros said.

"Sure thing!" Nepeta said. "Talk to you soon!" She turned to walk away, grabbing Eridan's cape in an attempt to pull him along.

"Hey, watch the fuckin' cape," he said, slapping her hand away. He issued a final wave to Tavros and Gamzee, then turned to leave as well. The couple returned the wave, then absconded into Gamzee's hive.

"Well, that went surpurrisingly well!" Nepeta said with a grin.

Eridan just looked away. "Eh, I suppose," he muttered. "Maybe I didn't fuck up as colossally as I imagined."

Nepeta reached over and rubbed his shoulder. "Hey, all's well that ends well, right? Don't worry about it."

He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

The two very nearly walked right past Equius, who still had his back turned to the hive and his face shrouded in towel. Nepeta tried to yank the towel away from him, succeeding only in getting him to pull it off of his head. "Equius, what are you doing?"

Equius breathed heavily. "That entire spectacle was so... depraved," he said in a desperately puzzled tone. "That a mere rustblood could best a subjugglator in a poetry slam so effortlessly... and that the highblood would willingly relinquish his flushed quadrant to such a lowborn peasant..." He paused his rambling to wipe the significant perspiration from his brow.

Nepeta just rolled her eyes at him. "Ugh, Equius, just get ofur yourself! Gamzee likes Tavros and Tavros likes Gamzee, and that's all that matters!" She tugged at one of his arms. "Now I think they want a little purrivacy, so let's just go!"

Equius lowered his arms to his sides. "Yes, I think leaving this place would... probably be a good idea," he muttered. Nepeta rolled her eyes at him again, and the three of them headed off for the nearest gate off the planet.

***

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.

CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCA: *the rogue of heart tries to wwalk in wwith a shippin update or some stupid shit like that but the prince of hope sticks a foot out in front of her and trips her*
CCA: *she falls stupid kittycat face first into the fuckin floor and he laughs at her as he takes a swwig of faygo*
CAC: :33 < hey!!!
CAC: :33 < how did you even type that so fast???
CCA: hahaha i typed all that up beforehand and just pasted it right as soon as you opened this stupid memo
CAC: :33 < uuugh, youre such an asshole!!!
FUTURE centaursTesticle [FCT] 4 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCT: D --> Nepeta
CAC: :33 < WHAT, equius????
FCT: D --> 100k
FCT: D --> I completely 100% understand your disliking the seadweller
FCT: D --> But if he bothers you that much, why don't you just ban him
CAC: :33 < beclaws i like calling him a douche to his stupid face!
CAC: :33 < its no fun if he isnt around to respawnd
CCA: yeah eq use your fuckin think pan here
FCT: D --> Hrk
FCT: D --> Ok, fine
FCT: D --> But must you really use such foul vernac001ar
CCA: cmon eq think about this
CCA: if nep had to wwatch her language it wwouldnt be fuckin fair at all
CCA: makin her pull her fuckin punches wwhile im droppin enough f bombs to evvaporate all the fuckin seas on alternia
CCA: so just let your fuckin stupid moirail indulge in a fuckin oath or twwo so wwe can levvel the fuckin playin field a bit
FCT: D --> Why are you encouraging this
CCA: cause i like this little rapport wwevve devveloped here
CCA: its amusin as all fuck
FCT: D --> Ugh
FCT: D --> Fine
FCT: D --> But I abso100tely disapprove of this
CAC: :33 < duly noted!
CAC: :33 < anyway, i have an impurrtant shipping update!
CAC: :33 < tavros, would you care to break the news?
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAT: wITH PLEASURE,
CAT: wELL, fIRST OF ALL,
CAT: tHE gAMZEE SITUATION, iF YOU WERE AWARE OF IT, hAS BEEN RESOLVED,
CAT: aND SECOND, hE AND i ARE NOW MATESPRITS,
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTC: Shit yeah, motherfuckers!
CTC: Honk honk honk! :o)
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: UH
CCG: GAMZEE?
CTC: Hey, what the fuck is all up, best platonic motherfuckin friend?
CCG: WHY ARE YOU TYPING LIKE THAT?
CTC: Typing like what, motherfucker?
CCG: YOU'RE NOT DOING THAT ANNOYING AS FUCK ALTERNATING CAPS THING.
CCG: OR THE OTHER CREEPY AS FUCK ALTERNATING CAPS THING, FOR THAT MATTER.
CCG: SO BASICALLY, WHAT THE FUCK.
CTC: Awwww fuck man, I didn't even motherfuckin realize that shit.
CTC: I just up and started typin like this all over my motherfuckin own or some shit, I guess.
CTC: Kind of motherfuckin hard to explain why I'd all up and just stop with the annoyin as fuck alternating caps shit.
CTC: Like, before I always felt like there were these two motherfuckin voices screamin to my think pan, fightin for motherfuckin control.
CTC: And then when I went off the slime, it's like they all up and split, takin motherfuckin turns talkin at me.
CTC: But now the only voice I hear is the one of the motherfuckin Verbal Messiah, my main flushbro, Tavros.
CTC: I mean, man, it just feels motherfuckin natural and shit.
CTC: And you just got to be going with what's right at where your heart's up in, you know?
CTC: Honk honk! :oD
CCG: HOLY SHIT.
CCG: THIS IS JUST THE WEIRDEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
CCG: TAVROS, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAG: You want to know what he did?
PAG: He challenged Gamzee to a poetry slam!
PAG: And he COMPLETELY FUCKING DEVAST8ED HIM!!!!!!!!
CAT: oH, hEY vRISKA,
PAG: Tavros! I saw the whole thing on your computer!
PAG: And it was fucking amazing!!!!!!!!
PAG: Like, I don't even know the first thing a8out slam poetry, 8ut you just utterly annihil8ed Gamzee!
CAT: hAHA, yEAH, i GUESS,
PAG: Seriously, the whole thing was awesome!
PAG: Like, even the part 8efore you started rapping, where Equius was all trying to get in your way for whatever stupid reason.
PAG: And you were just like, "Get the fuck out of my way!" and shoved him aside like a ragdoll!
PAG: God, it was soooooooo cooooooool!!!!!!!!
FCT: D --> Er
FCT: D --> Could we not talk about that part
CCG: WAIT, WHAT?
CCG: WHEN THE FUCK DID EQUIUS BECOME SHOVABLE?
CCG: IS THAT EVEN PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE?
CAT: wELL, iT'S NOT LIKE i USED MY ARMS,
CAT: i USED MY BREATH POWERS,
FCT: D --> Ok, seriously
FCT: D --> Can we please not di%uss this
PAG: What's wrong, Equius?
PAG: Angry that you just got utterly shamed by a lowly "rust8100d"?
FCT: D --> Um
FCT: D --> Kind of
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha.
FCT: D --> For the record, mudb100d
FCT: D --> Your performance was e%emplary
FCT: D --> And your skill at slam poetry is tr001y impressive
FCT: D --> I do not often deign to compliment commoners like this, but you are a credit to your caste
CAT: i'M SORRY,
CAT: aRE YOU TALKING TO ME,
FCT: D --> What
FCT: D --> What is this f001ishness
FCT: D --> Of course I'm talking to you
FCT: D --> Which other mudb100d could I be referring to
CAT: sEE, iT'S JUST KIND OF FUNNY,
CAT: bECAUSE YOU NEVER ACTUALLY USED MY NAME,
CAT: aND IT JUST KIND OF SEEMS LIKE IF YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME, yOU WOULD REFER TO ME BY NAME,
CAT: dOES THAT SEEM REASONABLE TO YOU, eQUIUS,
FCT: D --> Erm
FCT: D --> Are you
FCT: D --> Are you commanding me to refer to you by name
CAT: i'M JUST EXPLAINING A BASIC CONVENTION OF CONVERSATION,
CAT: iT JUST SORT OF SEEMS LIKE COMMON SENSE TO ME,
CAT: oR IS THAT ONE OF MANY THINGS YOU'RE LACKING,
FCT: D --> Ok
FCT: D --> This is starting to make me upset
PAG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
PAG: Tavros, this is fucking amazing, keep going!
CCG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?
CCG: TAVROS, SINCE WHEN DO YOU SASS ANYBODY?
CAT: hAHA, sORRY,
CAT: i'M STILL COMING DOWN FROM THE HIGH OF VERBAL DOMINATION,
CAT: tHIS WHOLE CONFIDENCE THING IS UNUSUALLY EXHILIRATING,
CAT: iT KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL LIKE, sOME KIND OF DEITY,
PAG: Well, if you want to get technical, you ARE a god.
CTC: Technical? Nah, fuck that shit, Tavbro is a literal motherfuckin divinity all up in his own motherfuckin self.
CTC: Born of humble origins, he has suffered the thousand motherfuckin indignities of outrageous fortune and motherfuckin endured.
CTC: And at the motherfuckin end, his most hated motherfuckin foes prostrated before them, and he CONQUERED DEATH ITS MOTHERFUCKIN SELF to claim his rightful motherfuckin place as the King of Kings of Wordtech.
CTC: He is the Verbal Messiah, and I am motherfuckin humbled that I might be his closest motherfuckin disciple.
CAT: uH, gAMZEE, wOW,
CAT: tHAT'S ALL REALLY FLATTERING OF YOU TO SAY,
CAT: bUT REALLY, yOU DON'T HAVE TO WORSHIP ME LIKE SOME KIND OF GOD,
CAT: aND i'D ACTUALLY, uH, pREFER IF YOU DIDN'T,
CAT: iT'S A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE, rEALLY,
CTC: Well, shit, it was never my motherfuckin intention to all up and make a brother motherfuckin uncomfortable.
CTC: How all would you prefer on me to motherfuckin treat you?
CAT: wELL, hOW ABOUT WE JUST ACT LIKE THE BEST BROS EVER,
CAT: wHO MAKE OUT SOMETIMES,
CTC: Well, fuuuuck, I think I could motherfuckin manage on that shit.
CAT: tHANKS, gAMZEE,
CTC: Ain't no motherfuckin thing, Tavbro.
CTC: <3
CAT: <3
CCG: WOW, OKAY.
CCG: NEPETA, SHOULD I ASSUME YOU HAD SOME PART IN THIS?
CAC: :33 < actually, no!
CAC: :33 < i didnt plan any of this at all!
CAC: :33 < it was all just sort of a happy coincidence
PAG: Well, you may not have 8een directly responsi8le for it, 8ut you kind of were indirectly.
PAG: I mean, I'm the one who convinced Tavros he should talk to Gamzee a8out 8eing his m8sprit.
PAG: And this whole thing with Gamzee only happened 8ecause Eridan took him off the sopor.
PAG: And all that stuff only happened 8ecause you hooked us up in the first place.
PAG: So I mean, you could kind of claim responsi8ility, if you really wanted to.
CCA: look speakin a the wwhole sopor thing
CCA: gam i really just dropped the fuckin ball here
CCA: i pretty much fucked up this wwhole moirail thing as much as its possible to fuck anything in any givven direction not evven restrictin ourselvves to just up in particular
CCA: an if you dont wwant to be moirails anymore i completely understand
CTC: Bro, you just need to drop that shit right the mother fuck now.
CTC: You ain't the motherfucker what lost his fuckin head, so you got no motherfuckin right blamin any of that shit for yourself.
CTC: I'm the motherfucker what should be apologizin at your own self for all actin as a motherfuckin psychopath.
CCA: gam dont evven wworry about it
CCA: its all physiological shit nothin you can fuckin do about that
CCA: its my fault for fuckin divvin into this wwhole detox thing head first like a fuckin chump
CTC: Eridan, you all had my best interest all up in on your motherfuckin heart, and that's all that motherfuckin matters.
CTC: And shit, even though this all turned up to be a comedy of errors of divine motherfuckin proportions, all that shit up and worked out to the motherfuckin end anyways, so who gives a fuck around the motherfuckin particulars?
CCG: YEAH, ERIDAN, EVEN THOUGH YOU FUCKED UP IN JUST ABOUT EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE, EVERYTHING WORKED OUT PERFECTLY IN SPITE OF IT.
CCG: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
CCA: wwhat
CCG: THAT RIGHT THERE IS THE MARYAM-GRUBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.
CTC: Ahahahaha, fuck yeah, motherfucker!
CTC: I knew you to all up and be a firm believer in the motherfuckin miracles, invertebrother!
CCA: wwell shit
CCA: cant really argue wwith that noww can i
CAT: aCTUALLY, eRIDAN, i SHOULD BE THANKING YOU,
CAT: tHIS WHOLE SITUATION WAS JUST THE MOTIVATION i NEEDED TO ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH THIS,
CCA: really
CAT: yEAH, i MEAN,
CAT: vRISKA CONVINCED ME i SHOULD TALK TO gAMZEE EVENTUALLY,
CAT: bUT THIS WHOLE THING WITH THE SOPOR FORCED MY HAND,
CAT: aND i'M REALLY GLAD IT DID, bECAUSE IT WENT PERFECTLY,
CCA: yeah from your perspectivve i guess it kinda did
CCA: i mean you wwere a fuckin badass back there tavv
CCA: all calm an collected an wwalkin up to this murderous fuckin clowwn an challengin him to a poetry slam like its nothin
CCA: wwhat got you evven up the gumption to all fuckin do the shit like that
CAT: wELL, i MEAN, oBVIOUSLY i WAS SCARED,
CAT: bUT i JUST TOLD MYSELF, lOOK,
CAT: iF YOU HAD ONE SHOT, oR ONE OPPORTUNITY,
CAT: tO SEIZE EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED, oNE MOMENT,
CAT: wOULD YOU CAPTURE IT, oR LET IT SLIP,
CAT: aND i KNEW THAT THIS WAS MY ONE SHOT,
CAT: sO i LOOKED DEEP INSIDE MYSELF, aND i FOUND tHE fLOW, AND i JUST SORT OF LOST MYSELF IN THE MUSIC,
CAT: bECAUSE i KNEW AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS COMES ONCE IN A LIFETIME,
CCA: wwell shit
CCA: do you guys really think it isnt that big a deal
CCG: OH, IT'S STILL A COLOSSAL FUCKING DEAL, DON'T GET IT WRONG.
CCG: IT JUST ALL WORKED OUT ANYWAY, APPARENTLY BECAUSE OF SOME INSANE RAP SKILLS TAVROS PULLED OUT OF HIS FUCKING NOOK.
CCG: SO JUST DON'T FUCK UP AS MASSIVELY IN THE FUTURE AS YOU DID TODAY AND EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FINE.
CCA: wwell i think i can manage that
CCA: not really any other problems a this magnitude i can fuckin imagine
CCA: unless it turns out drinkin too much faygo causes murderous clowwn rage too or some inane shit like that
CAT: wOW, i SURE HOPE NOT,
CAT: i'VE BEEN DRINKING THIS STUFF ALL NIGHT,
CAT: aND i THINK MURDEROUS CLOWN RAGE IS THE LAST THING i WANT TO BE SUFFERING FROM RIGHT NOW,
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD NO.
CCG: TAVROS, PLEASE TELL ME THAT WAS A JOKE, AND THAT YOU AREN'T ACTUALLY DRINKING THAT HOLOCAUST OF A BEVERAGE YOU CALL FAYGO.
CAT: oKAY, i DON'T REALLY SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS,
CAT: i MEAN,
CAT: iT'S JUST SODA,
CCA: THANK YOU
CAT: i MEAN, sOME OF THESE FLAVORS eRIDAN MADE ARE PRETTY GOOD,
CAT: i LIKE THE CHOCOLATE CHERRY SODA ONE A LOT, aCTUALLY,
CCG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.
CCG: THAT IS NOW A FULL QUARTER OF OUR TEAM THAT DRINKS THAT LIQUID WAR CRIME IN A BOTTLE.
CCG: TAVROS, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND GAMZEE BOTH, BUT I JUST ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOATHE YOU RIGHT NOW.
CTC: Well, shit yeah, brother, what the mother fuck is new?
CAT: yEAH, tHAT'S A FAIR POINT, aCTUALLY,
PAG: Oh hey, I just realized!
PAG: Since 8oth of the moirails of the happy couple are present and accounted for, I think it's juuuuuuuust a8out that time.
PAG: You know what I'm talking a8out, Eridan?
CCA: oh i think i knoww exactly wwhat your fuckin talkin about
PAG: It's time for........
PAG: THE TALK.
CCA: fuck yes the talk
CCA: this is like the best fuckin part a bein palepals
PAG: Gamzee! I'm really glad that you decided to 8ecome Tavros' m8sprit, and I hope you make him the happiest he's ever 8een!
PAG: And if you ever do anything to hurt him, I'll inflict such excruci8ing pain upon you that you'll wish for death, 8ut it will never, ever come!
PAG: Are we a8solutely clear????????
CTC: Clear as motherfuckin crystal Faygo, spidersis.
CTC: Even though Tavbro all worked his motherfuckin pale miracles all over you, frankly you still kinda motherfuckin scare me.
PAG: That's good! You are a8solutely right to 8e scared!
PAG: Spiders may not have a reput8ion for 8eing protective of their young, 8ut if you ever do wrong 8y him, I will fall upon you like a furious mother choler8ear defending her cu8s and rip you apart lim8 8y lim8!
CTC: Shit, you'd all be up on your motherfuckin rights to cull my hurtful ass if I ever got the fuckin idea to do any shit like that.
PAG: Gr8! You have my 8lessings!
PAG: Eridan, your turn.
CCA: wwell shit its kinda hard to followw that but ill do my fuckin best
CCA: tavv i really appreciate evverythin youvve done for gam already
CCA: an im really glad you decided to become his matesprit cause i can tell you he wwanted it more than anything in the fuckin wworld
CAT: oF COURSE, eRIDAN,
CAT: i'M GLAD i COULD HELP YOU AND gAMZEE BOTH,
CCA: an if you evver do anything to harm him ill avvenge myself upon you wwith all the furious fuckin tempest of evvery angel on lowwaa combined
CCA: all the fuckin rap in the wworld wwont be able to savve you once ahabs crosshairs havve pierced a searin hole through your fuckin lungs
CCA: are wwe absolutely fuckin clear on that
CAT: yES, aBSOLUTELY,
CAT: i WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING TO HURT gAMZEE,
CCA: ok good
CCA: formalities out a the wway im really fuckin happy for the both a you
PAG: Yeah, me too!
PAG: I assume you'll want to spend a little more time together?
CAT: yES, iF THAT'T NOT A PROBLEM,
PAG: No pro8lem at all! I'll just go spend some more time with Kanaya.
CCA: actually vvris if its alright could i talk wwith you after this
CCA: wwanted to put a little more wwork into our little scheme
PAG: Oh yeah, the scheme! I totally forgot a8out that!
PAG: Yeah, I'd 8e up for colla8or8ing on that some more.
CAC: :33 < hey, do you guys want my help, too?
CCA: wwell that depends
CCA: havve you done the reconnaissance yet
CAC: :33 < oh no, i still n33d to do that! XPP
CAC: :33 < ill get on that right away!
CCG: THE SCHEME?
CCG: I ASSUME THIS IS THE BRILLIANT SCHEME TO FIND ERIDAN A MATESPRIT THAT WAS MENTIONED ON THE LAST MEMO.
CCA: maybe maybe not
CCG: LOOK, DO YOU GUYS WANT ANY HELP WITH THAT?
CCG: BECAUSE EVERY ROMCOM BONE IN MY BODY IS SCREAMING AT ME TO GET INVOLVED IN WHATEVER SHENANIGANS YOU'RE PLANNING.
CCA: i really wwish you could kar but theres already like four people invvolvved not evven countin the target
CCA: if this scheme gets any bigger its gonna end up devvourin itself like some kinda horrible romance ouroboros
CCG: YES, I'M ALREADY AWARE OF WHAT AN ENORMOUSLY BLOATED LEVIATHAN THIS PARTICULAR PLOT HAS BALLOONED INTO.
CCG: BUT IF YOU OR NEPETA OR ANYBODY ELSE HAS ANY OTHER RIDICULOUS SHIPPING GAMBITS YOU WANT TO ENACT, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST CALL ME FIRST?
CCG: I'M DYING HERE.
CCA: yeah sure thing kar
CCG: THANK YOU.
CCA: anywway i should probably get goin
PAG: Yeah, me too.
PAG: Tavros and Gamzee, have fun, you two!!!!!!!!
CAT: oH YES,
CAT: fUN IS DEFINITELY THE THING WE'VE BEEN HAVING,
CAT: };)
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, of course.
PAG: Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, pro8a8ly?
CAT: yES, mOST LIKELY,
PAG: Gr8! Talk to you then!
PAG: 8ye! <>
CAT: <>
PAG ceased responding to memo.
CCA: yeah you twwo havve plenty a fun
CCA: gam i guess ill hit you up tomorroww at some point
CTC: Sure motherfuckin thing, palebro!
CTC: Honk honk! :o)
CCA: an tavv thanks again for all your help
CAT: iT'S NO PROBLEM, rEALLY,
CAT: i HAVEN'T SLAMMED IN A WHILE, aCTUALLY, sO IT WAS NICE TO GET AN OPPORTUNITY,
CTC: Well, the night's still motherfuckin young, bro.
CTC: Still plenty of motherfuckin time for gettin our rap all up on.
CAT: hEY, yEAH, i SUPPOSE THAT'S A GOOD POINT,
CAT: jUST BECAUSE THE BATTLE IS OVER DOESN'T MEAN THE POETRY HAS TO STOP,
CTC: Well fuck if that ain't just the best motherfuckin sentiment what any motherfucker up and fuckin expressed.
CCA: uh
CCA: yeah
CCA: im just gonna leavve you twwo alone wwith that
CCA: havve fun
CTC: You motherfuckin know it, brother!
CTC: Peace the mother fuck out, palebro!
CTC: <>
CCA: heh yeah
CCA: <>
CCA
ceased responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < well, i guess that kinda wraps things up here!
FCT: D --> Er, a%ually, if I may
CCG: OH RIGHT, THIS ASSHOLE'S STILL HERE.
FCT: D --> Highb100d
FCT: D --> While I do not agree with your choosing this ignoble lowb100d serf to be your matesprit
FCT: D --> I am in no place to make an obje%ion
FCT: D --> So I wish you the greatest of happiness
CTC: Equius, I all appreciate your motherfuckin sentiment, but you've got to watch what you motherfuckin say up at Tavbro here.
CTC: You can't just all up and motherfuckin insult my matesprit like that, bro, it's not motherfuckin cool.
FCT: D --> Hrk
FCT: D --> I'm sorry
FCT: D --> It was udderly f001ish of me to cast aspersions on your choice of matesprit
FCT: D --> Please forgive me
CTC: Motherfucker, you shouldn't be apologizing at me, you should be apologizing toward motherfuckin Tavbro.
FCT: D --> Uh
FCT: D --> Is that a command
CTC: Yeah, it kind of motherfuckin is.
FCT: D --> Um
FCT: D --> Ok
FCT: D --> Rustb100d
CAT: i'M SORRY, wHO,
CAT: tHERE ARE SO MANY RUSTBLOODS HERE, i HAVE NO IDEA WHICH ONE IN PARTICULAR YOU'RE REFERRING TO,
FCT: D --> Hrgkfghkrglkhgh
FCT: D --> I mean
FCT: D --> Tavros
CAT: yES, eQUIUS,
FCT: D --> I am
FCT: D --> Tr001y sorry for insulting you
FCT: D --> You are not a%ually an ignoble serf
FCT: D --> And even if you were, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing
CTC: >:o(
FCT: D --> Er, I mean, disregard that last statement
FCT: D --> You are 100% worthy of the highb100d
FCT: D --> And it was e%tremely rude of me to imply otherwise
FCT: D --> So I apologize
CAT: tHANK YOU, eQUIUS, i FORGIVE YOU,
FCT: D --> Now, if you have no more orders, I must sign off
FCT: D --> I suddenly require an e%cess of towels
FCT: D --> And also something to break
FCT: D --> A lot of things to break, a%ually
CTC: Yeah, motherfucker, go for it.
FCT: D --> Very well
FCT
ceased responding to memo.
CCG: AHAHAHAHA, THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS.
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, it kind of was!
CCG: SERIOUSLY, I USED TO THINK YOU TWO WERE TERRIBLE.
CCG: WHEN DID YOU BECOME SO AWESOME?
CTC: Well, I'd say it's all thanks for the motherfuckin magic of moirallegiance.
CAT: aND SLAM POETRY, oF COURSE,
CTC: Awwww shit, how motherfuckin rude on me to all up and forget the therapeutic powers of motherfuckin slam poetry.
CAT: bUT YEAH, tHIS NEVER WOULD'VE HAPPENED IF IT WEREN'T FOR vRISKA,
CAT: oR eRIDAN, FOR THAT MATTER,
CCG: AND, OF COURSE, ALL THAT COMES BACK TO NEPETA.
CCG: WHY DOES THAT NOT SURPRISE ME?
CAC: :33 < hey, im not taking any credit fur this one!
CAC: :33 < it was all these two and their meowrails!
CCG: I'M STILL GIVING YOU POINTS FOR GENERAL INVOLVEMENT.
CCG: ANYWAY, I GUESS YOU'VE GOT THIS BIG ERIDAN SCHEME YOU'RE WORKING ON, SO YOU DON'T NEED ANY DIRECTION FROM ME.
CCG: UNLESS YOU WANT DIRECTION FROM ME.
CAC: :33 < i do, actually!
CCG: UH, OKAY.
CCG: DO THAT BIG ERIDAN SCHEME YOU'RE WORKING ON.
CAC: :33 < would you like the giggle or not?
CCG: YEAH, LET'S GO WITH THE GIGGLE THIS TIME.
CAC: :33 < h33 h33! sir yes sir!
CCG: EXCELLENT.
CCG: ANYWAY, TAVROS, GAMZEE, I'M GONNA BE HONEST
CCG: I THINK YOUR ENTIRE MATESPRITSHIP IS A LITTLE FUCKING WEIRD.
CCG: BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY WITH EACH OTHER, WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE.
CCG: REALLY HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU.
CTC: Well shit, your blessing is motherfuckin appreciated, best platonic friend.
CAT: yEAH, tHANKS, kARKAT,
CAC: :33 < im really happy fur you guys too!
CAC: :33 < and if you efur n33d any advice, youre fr33 to come to me!
CTC: Mighty motherfuckin nice on you to offer, catsister.
CAC: :33 < and dont efur be afuraid to talk to your meowrails about anything either!
CAT: yES, oF COURSE,
CAT: aNYWAY, wE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING, tOO,
CAT: tHERE'S SO MUCH POETRY TO COMPOSE, aND SO LITTLE TIME,
CTC: Awwwwww yeah, my motherfuckin flushbro!
CTC: Now that's a motherfuckin sentiment I can all get beside!
CTC: <3
CAT: hAHA, oF COURSE,
CAT: <3
CTC ceased responding to memo.
CAT ceased responding to memo.
CCG: WELL SHIT, OKAY.
CCG: NOT MUCH ELSE FOR ME TO SAY HERE.
CCG: YOU SURE YOU CAN'T DIVULGE A LITTLE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THIS NEXT SHIPPING GAMBIT OF YOURS?
CAC: :33 < i really wish i could, but its all so delicately balanced already!
CAC: :33 < im sorry, karkitty :((
CCG: NO, IT'S FINE, I GET IT.
CAC: :33 < maybe next time, you can be involved, though!
CCG: YEAH, I'D LIKE THAT.
CAC: :33 < great!
CCG: OKAY, WELL
CCG: I GUESS I'LL GET GOING.
CAC: :33 < okay, bye karkitty!
CCG: YEAH, BYE, NEPETA.
CCG
ceased responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < alright, nothing else to say here!
CAC: :33 < guess ill just do the closing narration and be done with it!
FUTURE caligulasAquarium [FCA] 27 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCA: *the rogue of heart tries to get up off the floor but the prince of hope puts a boot on her back and pours out a forty of faygo right on her stupid fuckin head*
FCA: *then he takes her fuckin shoes and leavves because haha got your fuckin shoes noww wwhat the fuck are you gonna do*
CAC: :33 < arrgrghrflkjfkljggkhgfdhg god damnit!!!!
FCA: aaaaahahahahahahaha
CAC banned FCA from responding to memo.
CAC ceased responding to memo.

CAC closed memo.