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Chapter 7

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gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA].

GC: H3Y
AA: what
GC: OH 1M GR34T 4R4D14, HOW 4R3 YOU
AA: is that all
GC: NO TH4TS NOT 4LL!!!! >:[
GC: 1M TRY1NG TO T4LK TO YOU 4R4D14
AA: 0k
GC: 1T K1ND OF S33M3D L1K3 YOU W3R3 FR34K1NG OUT 1N TH3 M3MO Y3ST3RD4Y
GC: SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT 4N 1NCONC31V4BLY POW3RFUL 3NT1TY M3DDL1NG W1TH OUR T1M3L1N3
AA: yes
AA: thats still s0mething im d0ing
GC: SOOO
GC: D1D YOU W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T
AA: i d0nt kn0w
AA: will talking ab0ut it help
GC: M4YB3 1T W1LL M4YB3 1T WONT
GC: BUT W1LL NOT T4LK1NG 4BOUT 1T H3LP?
AA: n0
GC: TH3N 1 SHOULD TH1NK TH3 4LT3RN4T1V3 1S 4 WHOL3 LOT FUCK1NG B3TTER!
AA: 0k
AA: well
AA: this timeline is d00med
AA: i kn0w i keep saying that but its kind 0f a big deal
AA: im still n0t sure h0w 0r when exactly it diverged fr0m the alpha timeline but it was s0mewhere in the past week
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW 1TS DOOM3D 1F YOU DONT KNOW WH3N 1T H4PP3N3D?
AA: well
AA: im n0t supp0sed t0 tell y0u this
AA: but a l0t 0f things that arent supp0sed t0 be happening are anyway
AA: s0 screw it
AA: ive been maintaining a private bulletin b0ard t0 serve as an archive 0f inf0rmation useful t0 myself
AA: and by myself i mean every instance 0f myself in this and all 0ther extant timelines
AA: it c0ntains am0ng 0ther things a detailed l0g 0f all the events that transpire in the alpha timeline up t0 several weeks after the defeat 0f the black king
AA: and it states in n0 uncertain terms that any deviati0n fr0m such events indicates 0nes presence in a d00med timeline
GC: W41T
GC: SO YOU 4LR34DY KNOW HOW 3V3RYTH1NG GO3S?
AA: i kn0w h0w everything is supp0sed t0 g0
AA: and h0w it d0es g0 in the alpha timeline
AA: but in this timeline things have deviated significantly
GC: BUT YOU S41D B3FOR3 TH3R3 W4S SOM3TH1NG D1FF3R3NT 4BOUT TH1S T1M3L1N3
GC: 1T W4SNT B31NG D1SPOS3D OF OR SOM3TH1NG
AA: right
AA: parad0x space has mechanisms f0r eliminating any existence that is parad0xical in nature
AA: 0ur universe was created thr0ugh an unspeakably elab0rate series 0f stable time l00ps
AA: and 0f c0urse vari0us elements fr0m 0ther d00med timelines and even 0ther universes play vital r0les in this transacti0n
AA: any deviati0n fr0m this tightly scripted sequence 0f events will result in the failure 0f the universe t0 create itself thus making its existence a parad0x
AA: and thus any timeline that strays fr0m the events 0f the s0 called alpha timeline is d00med t0 be sl0wly and inex0rably destr0yed
AA: but even th0ugh this particular iterati0n is undeniably d00med it seems the pr0cess 0f its destructi0n has been p0stp0ned
GC: OK4Y
GC: SO WH4T SHOULD B3 H4PP3N1NG R1GHT NOW?
AA: right n0w this instance 0f 0ur universe sh0uld be sl0wly disintegrating
AA: f0r an instance t0 st0p existing entirely can take several sweeps
AA: but generally pe0ple g0 crazy and start murdering each 0ther f0r n0 apparent reas0n l0ng bef0re then
GC: WHY?
AA: i d0nt kn0w
AA: its a d00m thing i guess
GC: SO TH1S V3RS1ON OF OUR UN1V3RS3 1S DOOM3D
GC: BUT 1TS NOT F4D1NG 4W4Y TH3 W4Y 1T SHOULD B3
AA: essentially yes
GC: TH4T 4LMOST S33MS L1K3 4 GOOD TH1NG
GC: SO 1M 4SSUM1NG 1TS 4 HORR1BL3 TH1NG FOR SOM3 R34SON
AA: kind 0f
AA: the 0nly reas0n i can think 0f f0r the pr0cess t0 st0p is that s0me entity with p0wer 0ver the entr0pic mechanisms of parad0x space is actively h0lding them back
AA: and m0st such entities that i kn0w 0f are incredibly p0werful and unspeakably malev0lent
GC: JUST MOST OF TH3M? >:/
AA: there are 0thers 0f c0urse
AA: and alm0st certainly still m0re that i am unaware 0f
AA: but i assume their g0als w0uld be in direct c0ntradiction t0 th0se 0f the af0rementioned malev0lent 0nes and w0uld likely draw their ire
AA: and thus their preservati0n eff0rts w0uld be equally danger0us t0 us if n0t m0re s0
GC: W3LL
GC: WH4T COULD TH1S 3NT1TY W4NT FROM OUR T1M3L1N3?
AA: i d0nt kn0w
AA: ive tried expl0ring the timeline but with0ut the restricti0ns 0f being the alpha timeline there are an inc0nceivable number 0f branches
AA: s0me 0f them have actually started decaying again
AA: usually because 0ne 0f the players died
AA: but there are c0untless 0thers where all the players are alive and relatively speaking everything is fine but the pr0cess resumes anyway
AA: its kind 0f ann0ying
GC: Y34H, 1T SOUNDS L1K3 1T WOULD B3 >:[
GC: H4V3 YOU TR13D V1S1T1NG 4NY OTH3R T1M3L1N3S?
GC: M4YB3 3V3N TH3 4LPH4?
AA: n0
AA: the rttu suggests leaving a d00med timeline results in an even faster death than usual
AA: usually by expl0ding
GC: RTTU?
AA: s0rry r0ad t0 the und0ing
AA: its the name 0f the b0ard
GC: H4H4H4H4 TH4TS 4 STUP1D N4M3
AA: 0_0
GC: 1T SOUNDS L1K3 4 B4D TH1RD P4RTY FL4RP MODUL3
AA: ha i guess it kind 0f d0es
AA: ribbit
Gc: H3H3H3H3H3 >:D
Gc: 4NYW4Y
Gc: 1F TH1S T1M3L1N3 1S B31NG PROT3CT3D
GC: M4YB3 TH4T PROT3CT1ON WOULD 3XT3ND TO YOU 3V3N 1F YOU L3FT
AA: hm
AA: i didnt think 0f that
AA: but if it d0esnt and i try it ill pr0bably expl0de
AA: 0f c0urse even if i d0 there will still be a timeline where i decided n0t t0 try it s0 it d0esnt really matter
GC: TH4TS 4 PR3TTY C4V4L13R 4TT1TUD3 TO T4K3 ON YOUR OWN D34TH
AA: im a time player
AA: we have t0 be 0k with this kind 0f thing
GC: 1 GU3SS >:|
GC: BUT TH3R3 M1GHT B3 4 R3L14BL3 W4Y OF T3ST1NG 1T R1GHT NOW
AA: h0w
GC: S1MPL3
GC: W3 D3L1B3R4T3LY CR34T3 4 BR4NCH
GC: 1LL FL1P 4 CO1N 4ND T3LL YOU TH3 R3SULT
GC: 1F 1TS H34DS YOU GO TO TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3 4ND H4NG OUT FOR 4 WH1L3
GC: 4ND 1F 1TS SCR4TCH YOU SW34R N3V3R TO TRY TO HOP TO 4NOTH3R T1M3L1N3
GC: TH3N 31TH3R W4Y YOU TR4V3L B4CK TO R1GHT 4FT3R 1 C4LL3D 1T
AA: s0 if i expl0de in the alpha timeline ill have a n0n d00med aradia t0 replace me immediately
AA: and if i c0me back safely there will be tw0 0f me
AA: but 0ne 0f them will c0me fr0m a pr0perly d00med timeline and thus alm0st immediately expl0de
AA: and whichever 0ne survives will indicate the pr0per c0urse 0f acti0n
GC: 3X4CTLY! >:]
AA: w0w
AA: maybe y0u sh0uld have been the time player
GC: YOUR3 4 F1N3 T1M3 PL4Y3R
GC: 1 M4Y B3 GOOD 4T TH3 WHOL3 T3MPOR4L LOG1ST1CS TH1NG
GC: BUT YOUR3 4 LOT B3TT3R 4T DY1NG
AA: 0_0
GC: OK4Y TH4T W4S 4 SH1TTY TH1NG TO S4Y
AA: its 0k
GC: NO 1TS NOT 0K!!!
GC: 1 PR3TTY MUCH JUST SH1T 4LL OV3R YOUR F33L1NGS 4ND 1TS NOT COOL
AA: i am a tin can
AA: r0b0ts d0nt have feelings
GC: OK4Y 1M 4LMOST 3NT1R3LY C3RT41N TH4TS S4RC4SM
GC: 4ND TH3R3FOR3 COMPL3T3LY S3LF D3F34T1NG
AA: sarcasm isnt a feeling n00kstain
AA: ribbit
GC: >:O
GC: 4R4D14 YOU 4R3 G3TT1NG DOWNR1GHT S4SSY W1TH M3!!!
AA: s0rry
AA: i d0 have em0ti0ns n0w
AA: m0stly anger
AA: n0 sh0rtage 0f lust either 0_0
AA: but thats ab0ut it as far as i kn0w
GC: >:P
GC: 1 GU3SS 3QU1US R34LLY H4D H1S PR1OR1T13S STR41GHT
AA: ugh yes
GC: "UGH Y3S"
GC: TH4TS PR3TTY MUCH TH3 SUMM4RY OF YOUR R3L4T1ONSH1P 1SNT 1T
GC: D --> 4R4D14 DO3S TH1S ROBOT BODY 100K 4%3PT4BL3 TO YOU
GC: UGH Y3S
GC: D --> 4R4D14 W1LL YOU K1SS M3 NOW
GC: UGH Y3S
GC: D --> 4R4D14 W1LL YOU PL34S3 SL4P M3 4 L1TTL3 H4RD3R
GC: UGH Y3S
AA: 0k
AA: please st0p
GC: H3H3H3H3 F1N3
AA: can we d0 the thing with the c0in n0w
GC: SUR3
GC: 4R3 YOU R34DY FOR TH3 N1GH 1NCOMPR3H3NS1BL3 PROB4B1L1ST1C T1M3 B1FURC4T1ON TH4T 1S 4BOUT TO UNFOLD??
AA: just flip the fucking c0in ne0phyte
GC: ...WH4T?
AA: i d0nt kn0w
AA: im n0t even sure why i said that
AA: in retr0spect its a really stupid thing t0 say
AA: 0_0
AA: but seri0usly flip it
GC: OK4Y
GC: 1TS H34DS
AA: 0k
AA: 0h w0w
GC: WH4T?
AA: just an expl0ding aradiab0t
AA: n0 big deal
AA: ribbit
GC: SO D1D YOU V1S1T TH3 4LPH4 T1M3L1N3?
AA: yes
GC: GR34T!!! >:D
GC: SO NOW YOU KNOW YOU C4N V1S1T OTH3R T1M3L1N3S W1THOUT 3XPLOD1NG!
AA: yes
AA: thats actually
AA: extremely helpful
AA: thank y0u terezi
GC: NO PROBL3M, H3H3
GC: BUT JUST 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF FULL D1SCLOSUR3
GC: 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY T3LL YOU
GC: 1 D1DNT 3V3N LOOK 4T TH3 CO1N 4FT3R 1 FL1PP3D 1T
GC: 1 JUST GU3SS3D 1T W4S H34DS
AA: 0f c0urse
AA: n0 d0ubt i was predestined t0 d0 this anyway
AA: even in a d00med timeline we cant escape the icy grip 0f fatalism
AA: but its fun t0 pretend
GC: >:/
GC: TH4T M4K3S M3 F33L 4 LOT L3SS CL3V3R 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N
AA: its 0k
AA: time makes f00ls 0f us all
AA: but at least y0u didnt expl0de
GC: H4H4 Y34H, 1 GU3SS
AA: s0 i sh0uld pr0bably investigate this s0me m0re
AA: we can talk ab0ut it later
AA: 0r right n0w i guess since i can time travel
GC: 1 TH1NK 1LL T4K3 4 BR34K FROM T4LK1NG 4BOUT DOOM3D T1M3L1N3S 4ND 3XPLOD1NG ROBOTS FOR NOW
AA: fair en0ugh
GC: UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT SOM3TH1NG 3LS3
AA: n0t really
AA: d0 y0u
GC: W3LL...
AA: is it ab0ut vriska
GC: UGH Y3S >:[
GC: 1 DONT TRUST H3R
GC: HOW C4N SOM3BODY CH4NG3 L1K3 TH4T OV3RN1GHT?
AA: shes always been easily influenced
AA: y0u kn0w that m0re than any0ne
GC: W3LL, Y34H
AA: i d0nt think she ever wanted t0 d0 any 0f the bad things she did
AA: she was just manipulated int0 d0ing them by a number 0f malefact0rs
GC: L1K3 WH1T3 T3XT GUY?
AA: am0ng 0thers
AA: but i think he was resp0nsible f0r the m0st pertinent wr0ngd0ings
AA: she w0uldnt have ch0sen t0 d0 what she did t0 y0u 0r me 0r tavr0s with0ut his influence
GC: M4YB3 NOT
GC: BUT TH4T DO3SNT JUST 4BSOLV3 H3R OF 4LL BL4M3!
AA: thats redundant
GC: WH4T
AA: abs0lve means t0 rem0ve all blame
AA: y0u d0nt have t0 say 0f blame afterwards
GC: BL4R WHO C4R3S 4BOUT TH4T!!!
AA: s0 what d0 y0u want
AA: revenge
GC: K1ND OF
GC: SOM3TH1NG MOR3 TH4N "H3Y YOUR3 4 GOOD P3RSON NOW, YOUR3 FR33 TO GO," 1N 4NY C4S3
AA: it pr0bably w0uldnt help
GC: TH4TS 34SY FOR YOU TO S4Y
GC: S1NC3 YOU 4LR34DY GOT YOURS
AA: n0t really
AA: i killed her because i had t0
AA: it was in the script
GC: YOUR3 T3LL1NG M3 YOU D1DNT G3T TH3 L34ST B1T OF S4T1SF4CT1ON OUT OF B34T1NG VR1SK4 N34RLY TO D34TH?
AA: n0
AA: i felt n0thing
AA: well
AA: there was a temp0rary rush in my blue bl00ded veins simply fr0m partaking in vi0lence
AA: but after that there was n0thing
GC: >:/
GC: HOW C4N YOU NOT B3 M4D 4T H3R?
AA: she was just playing her part
AA: like i was playing mine
AA: my death was necessary f0r the alpha timeline t0 pr0ceed
AA: as was hers
GC: 4ND YOUR3 JUST F1N3 W1TH TH4T
AA: im 0k with it
GC: W3LL YOU SHOULDNT B3!!!
GC: W1TH YOUR T1M3 POW3RS YOU C4N S33 TH3 TR1LL1ONS OF W4YS TH1NGS COULD UNFOLD
GC: BUT 1N TH3 3ND TH3R3S ONLY ON3 W4Y YOU C4N DO TH1NGS
GC: NO M4TT3R HOW SH1TTY 4ND 4WFUL 1T 1S
GC: 4ND TH4T SHOULD M4K3 YOU 4NGRY 4S H3LL!
AA: i came t0 peace with it a l0ng time ag0
AA: y0u kind 0f have t0 as a time player
GC: D1D YOU KNOW YOUD B3 TH3 T1M3 PL4Y3R?
AA: yes
AA: the v0ices t0ld me i w0uld die c0untless deaths
AA: but 0nly ever c0me back t0 life 0nce
GC: TH3Y S41D YOUD COM3 B4CK?
AA: yes
AA: but its debatable what they meant
AA: they c0uld have meant my pr0t0typing myself
AA: ribbit
AA: 0r inhabiting this r0b0t
AA: they c0uld mean s0mething else i guess
AA: but i d0nt see any 0ther revival menti0ned in the rttu
GC: HMM
GC: 1 DONT KNOW HOW 3LS3 YOU COULD COM3 B4CK
GC: BUT 1TD B3 COMPL3T3 BULLSH1T 1F VR1SK4 G3TS TO 4ND YOU DONT
AA: im 0k with it
GC: BL4R STOP S4Y1NG TH4T!!!
AA: 0_0
GC: 1TS NOT R1GHT TH4T SH3 G3TS TO L1V3 4ND YOU H4V3 TO ST4Y D34D!
GC: 3SP3C14LLY WH3N SH3S TH3 ON3 WHO K1LL3D YOU!
AA: s0 what
AA: w0uld it be better if she was dead t00
GC: K1ND OF >:/
AA: l00k
AA: terezi
AA: revenge is a l0sers game
AA: the l0ser gets hurt
AA: and the winner gets n0thing
GC: ...
AA: if y0u really want t0 get back at her
AA: maybe y0u sh0uld play an0ther game entirely
GC: >:?
GC: L1K3 WH4T?
AA: i d0nt kn0w
AA: im n0t even sure what that means
AA: it just seemed like a g00d thing t0 say
GC: HRM
GC: W3LL
GC: WH4T3V3R
AA: d0 y0u n0t want t0 talk ab0ut this anym0re
GC: NOT R34LLY
AA: 0k
AA: well
AA: thanks f0r talking t0 me terezi
AA: it was actually really helpful
GC: H3Y, NO PROBL3M >:]
GC: NO OFF3NS3, BUT 1T S33MS L1K3 NOBODY 3LS3 3V3R T4LKS TO YOU
AA: n0 y0ure right
AA: i think m0st pe0ple find me mildly 0ffputting 0_0
GC: W3LL, YOU K1ND OF 4R3
GC: BUT H3Y, 1 4M TOO!
GC: W3 C4N B3 M1LDLY OFFPUTT1NG TOG3TH3R
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3 >:D
AA: ha yeah
AA: s0
AA: can we talk m0re later
GC: OF COURS3!
GC: 1 4LW4YS LOOK FORW4RD TO T4ST1NG MOR3 OF YOUR D3L1C1OUSLY R1CH M4ROON T3XT
AA: i th0ught y0u liked bright red better
GC: OH 1 DO, BUT M4ROON 1S GOOD TOO
GC: 1TS SO D33P 4ND D3C4DENT, L1K3 D4RK CHOCOL4T3, OR MOL4SS3S
GC: >:]
AA: ha
AA: i wish i had a smiling em0tic0n i c0uld type
AA: 0u0
AA: n0 that l00ks stupid
GC: H3H3H3 Y34H 1T K1ND OF DO3S
AA: 0h well
AA: well
AA: ill talk t0 y0u later i guess
AA: th0ugh i guess itll be different laters f0r b0th 0f us
GC: H4H4 WH4T3V3R >:P
GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR 1NV3ST1G4T1ON
AA: thanks
AA: 0k bye
GC: BY3 4R4D14

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC].

***

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToreador [AT].

AG: Tavros, we've got kind of a pro8lem here.
AT: oH, uH, vRISKA,
AT: wHAT'S THE PROBLEM, eXACTLY,
AT: dID YOU ALCHEMIZE SOMETHING HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE AGAIN,
AT: bECAUSE IF IT'S THAT, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO kANAYA,
AG: Noooooooo, it's not anything stupid like that!!!!!!!!
AG: It's........ kind of em8arrassing, actually.
AG: And I pro8a8ly should have 8rought it up during the feelings jam, 8ut I was afraid to talk a8out it face to face.
AT: wOW, tHIS SOUNDS KIND OF SERIOUS,
AT: wHAT IS IT,
AG: Well........
AG: You remem8er how a few days ago, during the sneaky romance am8ush, I was talking a8out how I was trying to m8ke you stronger so you'd 8e good enough to 8e my m8sprit?
AT: uH, yEAH, bUT,
AT: uH,
AT: wAIT, yOU DON'T MEAN,
AG: Weeeeeeeeell........
AT: oH,
AT: oH WOW,
AG: W8, just hear me out for a second, okay????????
AG: I mean, as it turns out, 8ecoming your moirail has 8een INCREDI8LY effective at m8king you a stronger, cooler, MUCH more attractive guy.
AG: And that silly little flushcrush I used to have on you is starting to act up again in a really 8ig way.
AG: 8ut the thing is, I'm happy with Kanaya!
AG: I mean, I'm reeeeeeeeally happy with Kanaya!
AG: And I'm really afraid all these feelings I'm having are going to cause pro8lems 8etween us somewhere down the line.
AT: yES, i CAN SEE WHY THIS WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS,
AT: aND, tO TELL THE TRUTH,
AT: sINCE WE BECAME MOIRAILS, yOU'VE BECOME MUCH NICER, aND COOLER,
AT: aND i COULD SEE MYSELF, uH, rECIPROCATING,
AT: i MEAN, aSSUMING, fOR SOME TERRIBLE REASON, wE STOPPED BEING MOIRAILS,
AG: See, that's the other thing!
AG: I really love 8eing your moirail, too!
AG: And while I'd pro8a8ly like 8eing your m8sprit, I don't really want to give up on our moirallegiance!
AG: So 8etween that and Kanaya, it's really stressing me out.
AG: Uuuuuuuugh, this is so em8arrassing to talk a8out!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm 8lushing so hard right now, I'm afraid one of these 8ite marks on my neck is gonna 8urst open and start spraying cerulean all over the place.
AT: hAHA, vRISKA, iT'S OKAY, i UNDERSTAND,
AT: i APPRECIATE YOUR BEING FORTHCOMING ABOUT THIS,
AT: aND i REALLY LIKE BEING YOUR MOIRAIL, tOO,
AT: aND i DON'T WANT kANAYA TO GET HURT EITHER,
AT: sO i THINK IT'S A REAL PROBLEM,
AG: See! Look at that!
AG: Look at that whole 8rown 8lock of text right there!
AG: That's you 8eing an AWESOME fucking moirail!!!!!!!!
AG: I must have 8lown all my luck to get a palem8 like you, and that's why I was unlucky enough to 8uild up this stupid flushcrush!
AT: wOW, vRISKA, yOU'RE REALLY FLATTERING ME HERE,
AT: i MEAN, yOU'RE A REALLY GOOD MOIRAIL, tOO,
AT: eVEN THOUGH WE'VE ONLY BEEN MOIRAILS FOR, lIKE, a DAY OR TWO,
AT: yOU'VE ALREADY HELPED ME A LOT,
AT: sO DON'T THINK YOU DON'T DESERVE ME, oR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
AG: Man, Tavros! You're so smooooooooth!
AG: You're giving a lady the pale vapors here!!!!!!!!
AT: oKAY, sERIOUSLY, stOP,
AT: i AM NOW ALSO BLUSHING, bECAUSE OF HOW SILLY YOU'RE BEING,
AT: sO WE ARE BOTH GREAT, aND THAT IS THAT, eND OF DISCUSSION,
AG: Okay okay, fine.
AG: We are 8oth pretty gr8.
AG: I'm sorry, I'm 8eing ridiculous a8out this whole thing.
AT: vRISKA, yOU'RE NOT BEING RIDICULOUS,
AT: iT'S A LEGITIMATE CONCERN,
AT: aND FRANKLY, i'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT,
AG: Weeeeeeeell........
AG: I can think of ONE thing we could do a8out it........
AT: wHAT'S THAT,
AG: We could find you a m8sprit!!!!!!!!
AT: oH, uH,
AT: i GUESS, wE COULD DO THAT,
AG: Well, think a8out it!
AG: If you had a m8sprit, there'd 8e a lot less tempt8ion for 8oth of us!
AG: And I wouldn't feel so 8ad a8out 8la88ing to you a8out Kanaya this and Kanaya that all the time.
AT: wELL, yEAH, bUT,
AT: wHO WOULD WANT ME, aS THEIR MATESPRIT,
AG: Tavros, you are a cool, strong, handsome, confident guy, and any8ody would 8e lucky to have you as their m8sprit!!!!!!!!
AG: You could have practically any8ody you wanted!
AG: Hell, you could even have me! 8ut o8viously we're trying our 8est to avoid that for now.
AG: So really, the question is, who do YOU want as your m8sprit????????
AT: wOW, i DON'T KNOW,
AT: i HAVEN'T REALLY ABOUT THIS ALL THAT MUCH,
AT: aND BY THAT, i MEAN, aT ALL,
AG: Okay, well, how a8out I throw out some suggestions, and you just tell me what you think of them?
AT: wAIT, aRE YOU,
AT: sHIPPING ME,
AG: I sure am!!!!!!!! ::::D
AG: Who says Nepeta's the only one who gets to ship people?
AT: wELL, oKAY, gO AHEAD,
AG: Alright, what a8out Feferi?
AG: I just recently started talking with her, and it turns out she's actually pretty cool!
AT: oH, wOW, fEFERI,
AT: sHE SEEMS REALLY NICE, i GUESS, bUT,
AT: i DON'T REALLY KNOW HER ALL THAT WELL,
AT: aND ISN'T SHE WITH sOLLUX, oR SOMETHING,
AG: Man, who cares a8out Sollux!!!!!!!! He's just a 8ig dork.
AG: And he's not even a cool dork, like you, he's just a 8ig douchey whiny idi8 dork.
AG: Man!!!!!!!! I don't know what it is a8out that guy, 8ut even thinking a8out him gets me steamed.
AT: uH, i SHOULD PROBABLY ASK,
AT: wHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO,
AG: What's going on is that he's a stu88orn asshole and isn't even willing to give me a chance!!!!!!!!
AT: yOU KNOW, yOU NEVER DID APOLOGIZE TO HIM,
AT: i MEAN, tECHNICALLY, yOU HURT HIM TOO,
AG: Man, whatever!!!!!!!! I didn't do a thing to him!!!!!!!!
AT: vRISKA,
AG: Okay, okay, fine, so I did.
AG: 8ut may8e I just don't want to apologize to him 8ecause he's stupid smug piece of shit!!!!!!!!
AT: vRISKA, i REALIZE THIS IS WHOLE ENTANGLEMENT IS,
AT: sOMETHING i, dON'T REALLY HAVE MUCH EXPERIENCE WITH,
AT: bUT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY, aPOLOGIZE TO HIM ANYWAY,
AG: Yeah, yeah, I know I should.
AG: And I pro8a8ly will at some point.
AG: If he's even fucking willing to hear me out.
AG: Which he pro8a8ly won't 8e, 8ecause he's such a sanctimonious self-a8sor8ed fuckhead!!!!!!!!
AT: yES, yOU'VE MADE YOUR OPINION QUITE CLEAR,
AG: Hey, we totally got off-topic here!
AG: We were suppoooooooosed to 8e talking a8out you and Feferi!
AT: wELL, i THINK, gIVEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU,
AT: aND THE WHOLE sOLLUX THING,
AT: iT PROBABLY WOULDN'T WORK OUT,
AG: Ugh, yeah, you're pro8a8ly right.
AG: I guess that rules out Terezi too, huh?
AT: mOST LIKELY, yEAH,
AG: Man, Tavros, don't let me sink aaaaaaaall your ships!!!!!!!!
AT: iT'S FINE, rEALLY,
AT: jUST TRY TO THINK OF SOMEONE,
AT: yOU HAVEN'T COMPLETELY ALIENATED,
AG: Tavros, that really isn't as easy as it sounds!!!!!!!!
AG: 8ut fine, I'll try to think of some8ody else.
AG: Hey, what a8out Nepeta!
AG: Man, you two would 8e soooooooo adora8le together!!!!!!!!
AG: Oh dear, I can't decide if this mental image percolating here is cute as shit or hot as fuck........
AT: uHHH,
AG: Okay, that was lascivious to a completely unaccepta8le extent.
AT: kIND OF, yEAH,
AT: bUT ANYWAY, nEPETA IS COOL, i GUESS,
AT: bUT i MEAN, wE'VE BEEN ACQUAINTANCES FOR A WHILE,
AT: aND i THINK, iF SHE WERE INTERESTED IN ME LIKE THAT, sHE'D HAVE SAID SOMETHING BY NOW,
AT: i MEAN, sHE'S BEEN FRIENDLY WITH ME, bUT,
AT: wELL, sHE'S FRIENDLY WITH EVERYONE,
AT: aND ALSO, hER MOIRAIL REALLY DOESN'T LIKE ME FOR SOME REASON,
AT: i'M NOT REALLY SURE WHY,
AG: What, Equius? That's just him 8eing a huge tool, as usual.
AG: Pro8a8ly doesn't like you 8ecause you're a "mud8100d" or something ridiculous like that.
AT: nO, i THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE THAT, bUT,
AT: iT'S LIKE, hE GETS REALLY DISGUSTED, wHENEVER i MENTION nEPETA, sPECIFICALLY,
AT: i DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,
AG: Equius Zahhak is truly a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in an eight-inch thick layer of oh my god who gives a shit a8out this guy.
AG: So is that a no on Nepeta?
AT: i GUESS, fOR NOW,
AG: God, Tavros, you're killing me here!!!!!!!!
AG: Shipping is a lot harder work than Nepeta m8kes it out to 8e.
AT: sORRY,
AG: No no no, it's fine. May8e I'm just approaching it the wrong way.
AG: Let's try this from the other way. Mo8ius dou8le reacharound style.
AG: Has any8ody ever expressed interest in 8eing YOUR m8sprit????????
AG: 8esides me, o8viously.
AT: uH, nO,
AT: nOT THAT i CAN THINK OF,
AT: wELL, eXCEPT,
AT: uH,
AG: Who????????
AT: wELL, uH,
AT: bEFORE i BROUGHT HIM INTO THE GAME,
AT: gAMZEE, uH,
AT: pROPOSITIONED ME,
AG: Oh.
AG: Gamzee.
AT: yEAH,
AG: Well hey! What do you think of him?
AT: i DON'T KNOW,
AT: i MEAN, wE'VE BEEN GOOD BROS FOR A WHILE,
AT: aND WE HAVE A FEW THINGS IN COMMON,
AT: lIKE, fOR EXAMPLE, wE BOTH LIKE SLAM POETRY,
AT: aND HE'S ALWAYS BEEN REALLY NICE TO ME,
AT: bUT i NEVER REALLY THOUGHT OF HIM LIKE THAT,
AG: Well, now's your chance!
AG: What do you think of him like that?
AT: wOW, tHIS IS KIND OF EMBARASSING, tO TALK ABOUT,
AT: i MEAN, iF i WAS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING gAMZEE,
AT: aS A, uH, pOTENTIAL MATEPSRIT,
AT: wOULD YOU THINK IT WAS RIDICULOUS,
AG: Of coooooooourse I wouldn't think it was ridiculous, Tavros!
AG: If you think you'd 8e happy with him, that's all that matters!
AG: I wouldn't think you were ridiculous even if you thought you'd 8e happy with someone like Equius.
AG: Or Sollux.
AG: Or Eridan.
AG: Or Karkat.
AG: Man, I just named four assholes off the top of my head, and they were all 8oys!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm starting to think girls might 8e the fairer sex after all.
AG: Suddenly reeeeeeeeally glad I had an in with Kanaya.
AG: 8ut seriously, Tavros, I won't judge you one way or the other.
AT: oK, wELL,
AT: i'M ACTUALLY, uH, tHINKING ABOUT IT, rIGHT NOW,
AT: aND i GUESS, i THINK,
AT: i WOULD BE OKAY WITH, bEING HIS MATESPRIT,
AG: You'd 8e "okay" with it?
AT: wELL, i DON'T KNOW, i MEAN,
AG: Tavros, cut the crap here, okay?
AG: Do you like Gamzee or not?
AT: wELL, yEAH,
AG: Okay, do you like him enough to 8e his m8sprit?
AT: yEAH, i GUESS,
AG: Tavros, stop guessing and give me a str8 answer!!!!!!!!
AT: oKAY, oKAY, yES,
AT: i LIKE HIM ENOUGH FOR THAT,
AG: So do you WANT to 8e his m8sprit????????
AT: uH, wELL,
AG: Stop thinking a8out it and just answer it!!!!!!!!
AG: Yes or no!!!!!!!!
AT: yES,
AT: oH, wOW, oKAY,
AG: Really?
AT: yES, i'M COMPLETELY CERTAIN OF THAT SUDDENLY,
AG: No 8acksies?
AT: nO BACKSIES,
AG: Well, that's gr8!!!!!!!!
AG: You should totally go for it!!!!!!!!
AT: uH, wHAT DO YOU MEAN,
AG: I mean ask him to be your m8sprit!
AG: He pro8a8ly still feels the same way a8out you, right?
AT: wELL, tHAT'S THE THING,
AT: wHEN HE ASKED ME, i, uH,
AT: i DIDN'T HANDLE IT VERY WELL,
AT: aND i'M AFRAID, i MIGHT HAVE HURT HIS FEELINGS,
AG: Well, what'd you say?
AT: uH, nOTHING,
AT: i JUST SORT OF, sAT THERE,
AT: nOT SAYING ANYTHING,
AG: Well, THAT'S a surprise.
AT: vRISKA,
AG: Yeah, okay, that was mean, sorry.
AT: wELL, i MEAN,
AT: i PROBABLY SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING,
AG: Ugh, who cares a8out what you should've done?
AG: Just do something now! Ask him out!
AG: I mean, he still seemed pretty friendly towards you on that last memo, so it's not like he h8es you or anything!
AT: yOU REALLY THINK SO,
AG: Tavros, I'm a8solutely certain of it.
AG: So just go talk to him a8out it!!!!!!!!
AT: vRISKA, i'M NOT SURE IF i CAN JUST,
AT: gO TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT, oUT OF NOWHERE,
AG: Oh, come oooooooon!!!!!!!!
AG: You o8viously like him, and he o8viously likes you, so just go talk to him!!!!!!!!
AT: yOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT, BUT,
AT: iT JUST,
AT: iT SEEMS SO SUDDEN,
AG: Tavros, stop 8eing such a wiggler and just do it!!!!!!!!
AT: oKAY, sERIOUSLY, vRISKA,
AT: i'M NOT READY FOR THIS,
AT: sO PLEASE JUST STOP,
AG: Okay, okay, fine.
AG: I won't force you to do anything you're not ready to do.
AG: 8ut you 8etter get ready to go talk to him!
AG: 8ecause the time's gonna come when you're gonna have to, and you 8etter 8elieve it'll 8e sooner rather than l8er!
AT: wELL, i GUESS i COULD,
AT: tHINK OF WHAT i'LL SAY,
AT: iN THE NEAR FUTURE, aPPARENTLY,
AT: iT'S JUST, iT'S KIND OF INTIMIDATING,
AT: sO, sORRY ABOUT BEING SO, uH,
AT: nERVOUS ABOUT THIS,
AG: Tavros, it's fine, I get it.
AG: Well, kind of. Second-hand, as it were.
AG: Not that it's something I've had a pro8lem with personally.
AG: Well, w8, may8e that's not entirely true........
AG: Oh, whatever, I'm getting off the point here!!!!!!!!
AG: The point is, I get why you wouldn't want to rush into something like this, so just t8ke as much time as you feel like you need.
AG: Then try to t8ke a little less than that.
AT: hAHA, oKAY,
AT: tHANKS, vRISKA,
AT: yOU REALLY ARE A GOOD MOIRAIL,
AG: Hey, I just learned from the 8est!
AT: pFFF, wHATEVER,
AT: nOW YOU'RE JUST FLATTERING ME,
AG: No, seriously! 8efore we got together, I didn't know the first thing a8out 8eing a moirail.
AG: Everything I knew, I picked up from Kanaya, and it's 8ecoming increasingly o8vious that she was never quite the palest of palem8es.
AG: Not that I'm mad or anything. I wouldn't trade our time together for anything in the world.
AG: Except may8e a chance to 8e m8sprits sooner.
AG: I mean, o8viously that'd 8e prefera8le to our moirallegiance-8ut-not-quite and all the frustr8ing 8ullshit it entailed.
AT: vRISKA, yOU'RE RAMBLING,
AG: Oh god, I am, aren't I?
AG: Just another 8ad ha8it I'm picking up from Kanaya.
AG: God damn you, Kanaya!!!!!!!!
AT: hAHAHA, yES,
AT: sHE'S SUNK HER TEETH INTO YOU QUITE EFFECTIVELY,
AG: Oh man, tell me a8out it.
AG: She's sunk her teeth into me more times than I can count.
AG: And I wouldn't have it any other way <33333333
AT: uH,
AG: W8, you meant that metaphorically, didn't you?
AT: yES,
AG: Well, yeah, I mean, she's done that, too.
AT: oKAY, i THINK,
AT: tHIS CONVERSATION NEEDS TO END NOW,
AG: Hahahahahahahaha, fair enough.
AG: All told, though, it was incredi8ly productive!
AG: I got this 8ig em8arrassing issue off my chest, and we agreed on a way to possi8ly allevi8 it!
AG: Just two of the palest of palem8es, doing their moiraily thing!
AT: yES, iT WAS VERY HELPFUL,
AT: fOR BOTH OF US, eVEN,
AG: Yes it was!!!!!!!!
AG: 8ut really, Tavros, I'm sorry for 8eing so ridiculous a8out this.
AT: vRISKA, iT'S FINE, rEALLY,
AT: iF ANYTHING, i'M THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING,
AT: fOR BEING SO HANDSOME AND ATTRACTIVE,
AG: Tavros, you don't have to apologize for........
AG: W8, was that sarcasm????????
AT: oH YES,
AT: sARCASM WAS MOST CERTAINLY THE THING THAT THAT WAS, }:D
AG: Wow, that's awesome!!!!!!!!! I didn't know you had it in you!!!!!!!!
AT: wELL, oF COURSE,
AT: sARCASM IS PRETTY MUCH,
AT: tHE HALLMARK OF COOL, cONFIDENT GUYS,
AG: Uhhhhhhhh........
AG: I don't know if that's completely true........
AG: 8ut whatever! It's good anyway!
AT: sO ANYWAY, i GUESS WE'RE DONE HERE,
AG: Yeah, pretty much!
AG: 8ut remem8er, Tavros, you have to think a8out what you're going to say to Gamzee!
AG: So think a8out it!!!!!!!!
AT: yES, oF COURSE,
AT: i'LL GET ON THAT RIGHT AWAY,
AT: hMMM, mAYBE i'LL EVEN WRITE A POEM, oR SOMETHING,
AG: What, like a sonnet?
AT: nO, acTUALLY, iT WOULD BE, uH,
AT: a SLAM POEM,
AG: ........
AT: iT'S KIND OF A THING, wITH US,
AG: ........Okaaaaaaaay, you just go ahead and do that.
AG: I'm gonna go hang out with Kanaya.
AT: gREAT, sOUNDS LIKE A PLAN,
AG: Okay, 8ye, Tavros!!!!!!!!
AG: <>
AT: rIGHT, bYE,
AT: <>

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT].

***

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].

CT: D --> E%cuse me, jadeb100d
CT: D --> Wait, I mean
CT: D --> Kanaya
GA: Oh Uh Equius
GA: You Havent By Any Chance Been Uh
GA: Monitoring The Activities In My Hive In The Past Few Days Have You
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> If this is about the cer001ean b100d
CT: D --> I wasn't even aware of your union until just recently
CT: D --> And since then I have been careful to be respe%ful of your privacy
GA: Oh Okay
GA: Well Thank You Equius
CT: D --> Of course
GA: So Anyway
GA: What Did You Wish To Discuss
CT: D --> Oh, nothing in particular
CT: D --> I was simply 100king to indulge sort of meandering conversation that is occasionally enjoyed by acquaintances
CT: D --> In fact, I order you to engage me in such a di%ussion
CT: D --> I mean, if that's ok with you
GA: You Realize How Pointless It Is To Issue A Command And Then Ask Me Whether Or Not Its Okay For You To Issue It Right
CT: D --> Of course I do
CT: D --> But as your superior, it is my e%c100sive responsibility to give you orders
CT: D --> But I respe% you enough that I do not wish to give you an order you are uncomfortable with
GA: Okay Look
GA: Lets Just Say From Now On
GA: Whenever You Ask Me For Something Like A Normal Troll Well Both Assume Youre Issuing Me An Order With A Trivially Met Escape Clause
GA: And Likewise Whenever I Ask You For Something Well Both Assume Im Simply Making A Humble Request As Your Inferior That Is By No Means Binding In Any Way Whatsoever
GA: Does That Sound Acceptable To You
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> I suppose it would greatly simplify things
CT: D --> Very well, I'll do that from now on
CT: D --> And I order you to do the same
CT: D --> I mean, if that's ok with you
GA: If It Means Youll Never Say That Again Then A Thousand Times Yes
CT: D --> Very well
CT: D --> These assumptions will be implicit for the foreseeable future
CT: D --> So
CT: D --> Can we just talk now
GA: That Would Be Okay With Me
CT: D --> E%cellent
GA: Was There Any Topic You Wished To Start With
CT: D --> Well, I suppose I should start with a statement
CT: D --> That is
CT: D --> I'm e%tremely happy for you for finding a matesprit
GA: Well Thank You Equius
GA: Your Happiness For Me Is Greatly Appreciated
GA: But Nonetheless It Cannot Hope To Match The Happiness Im Feeling For Finally Being Able To Be In A Matespritship With Vriska
CT: D --> Well, of horse
GA: Uh
GA: Horse
CT: D --> I mean course
CT: D --> It was a pun, I'm sorry
GA: Equius Its Okay To Make Puns
CT: D --> Thank you
CT: D --> Having your e%press consent is certainly to my behoof
GA: Hahaha Okay
CT: D --> In any case
CT: D --> It sounds like you love her a great deal
GA: Oh Yes
GA: There Are Just So Many Things I Love About Her That Its Almost Impossible For Me To List Them All
CT: D --> Well, you're free to try
GA: Really
CT: D --> Yes, please
GA: Okay
GA: I Love The Sound Of Her Voice When She Speaks Without Pretense
GA: And I Love The Way She Smiles When She Does So Earnestly
GA: And I Love That I Can Make Her Laugh And Smile And Speak To Me So Sweetly Simply By Being Myself Without Even Having To Try
GA: And I Love That When Im With Her She Seems To Become A Different Person
GA: Not A Better Person But Perhaps A More Loveable Person
GA: And I Love That When Were Alone Together She Utterly Submits Herself To Me And I Utterly Devote Myself To Her And We Almost Seem To Become A Single Consciousness Sharing Two Bodies
GA: And Im Really Revealing Entirely Too Much Here Arent I
CT: D --> No, it's ok
CT: D --> I envy you, a%ually
CT: D --> I wish I could find someone who loved me as deeply as it 100ks like you love her
GA: Im Sorry Equius
GA: Are Things Going Poorly Between You And Aradia
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> They're going about as well as could be e%pected
CT: D --> No, a%ually, they're even worse than that
GA: Haha
CT: D --> What
GA: Im Sorry
GA: I Just Think Its Funny How The Simple Addition Of The Word Even Completely Changes The Meaning Of The Previous Sentence
CT: D --> Oh
CT: D --> Yes, I suppose so
CT: D --> Ha
GA: Well What In Particular Is Causing Problems Between You
CT: D --> I'm not tr001y certain
CT: D --> In truth, our relationship has always been strained
CT: D --> I've come to e%pect her to be distant and a100f with me
CT: D --> But recently she has been even more so than usual
GA: She Seemed To Be Expressing Concern Over Some Sort Of Metaphysical Spacetime Quandary In A Recent Memo
GA: Perhaps That Is The Root Of The Problem
CT: D --> Possibly
CT: D --> But I think it has simply e%acerbated an e%isting animosity
CT: D --> My moirail recently suggested she would rather be my kismesis than my matesprit
CT: D --> And I'm afraid she may be corre% in that conc100sion
GA: Im Very Sorry To Hear That Equius
GA: But You Know Nepeta Helped Me A Great Deal With My Own Matesprit
GA: Shes Surprisingly Adept At Dealing With Relationship Issues
GA: Have You Considered Asking Her For Assistance With Your Difficulties With Aradia
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> No
CT: D --> She a%ually disapproves of our relationship
CT: D --> She says it's
CT: D --> Creepy
CT: D --> And also
CT: D --> Weird
GA: Oh
GA: Well
GA: It Kind Of Is
CT: D --> Uh
CT: D --> Is it
GA: Well Its Just
GA: The Whole Making Her A Robot Body Filled With Your Own Blood Thing Is A Little Unsettling
GA: Wait I Forget Is It Your Own Blood Or That Of Another Presumably Dead Blueblood
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> Is one worse than the other
GA: I Think One Of Them Is Yes
GA: But Only A Little
CT: D --> So
CT: D --> The answer doesn't a%ually matter
CT: D --> Does it
GA: No Not Really
CT: D --> Hrm
GA: Forgive Me If This Is Rude Of Me To Ask But
GA: Do You Actually Love Her
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> I did
CT: D --> When she was alive, she was the pinnacle of grace and beauty
CT: D --> And though she was a mere rustb100d, I could not help but find myself smitten
CT: D --> But now, it seems like she has
CT: D --> Changed
CT: D --> I mean, the physical attra%ion still e%ists
CT: D --> But she has become cold and unemotional
CT: D --> And violent
CT: D --> A more fitting personality for a b100b100d, I suppose
CT: D --> And yet
CT: D --> It's just not the same
GA: Oh Wow
CT: D --> I'm sorry, this line of di%ussion is completely inappropriate
CT: D --> I should be telling this to my moirail
CT: D --> But
CT: D --> I can't, for some reason
GA: Its Okay I Understand
GA: It Sounds Strange But I Think A Moirail Can Be So Close That There Are Things Its Almost Impossible To Tell Them
GA: Please Dont Think Of This As Pale Infidelity Or Anything Like That
CT: D --> Yes, of course
CT: D --> There's nothing pale about this
CT: D --> You're simply acting as a
CT: D --> Confidant
GA: Sure Lets Go With That
CT: D --> Ok
GA: Though I Should Probably Confess To You
GA: A Few Days Ago I Had A Conversation With Nepeta Regarding My Feelings About Vriska And I May Have Um
GA: Confided In Her As Well
GA: And She Responded In A Way That In Retrospect Seems Very
GA: Uh
GA: Supportive
CT: D --> I know
CT: D --> She told me about it
GA: Oh
GA: So You Dont Have A Problem With That
CT: D --> It's simply her way of helping the team
CT: D --> She assured me she's not 100king for another moirail
CT: D --> And I believe her
GA: Well Thank Goodness
GA: Im Glad You Dont Think Im Trying To Steal Her Away From You Or Something Nonsensical Like That
CT: D --> Of horse not
CT: D --> The mare thought is 100dicrous
CT: D --> And it behooves us both to put it out to pasture
GA: Haha Okay
GA: Well
GA: If Youll Forgive My Perhaps Uncharacteristic Boldness In Asking Such A Personal Question
GA: Is There Anyone Else Youve Considered For Your Flushed Quadrant
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> Kind of
GA: Kind Of
GA: ?
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> The only other troll I've seriously considered is
CT: D --> The indigo b100d
GA: Oh
GA: Gamzee
CT: D --> Yes
GA: Well
GA: What Do You Like About Him
CT: D --> Abso100tely nothing
CT: D --> In fact, I despise him in almost every way
CT: D --> The only reason I considered it is because he is my only e%isting superior on the hemospe%rum
GA: Equius
GA: I Mean No Offense To You Personally When I Say This
GA: But That Is Quite Possibly The Absolute Worst Reason For Wanting To Be Someones Matesprit Ive Ever Heard
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> Nepeta e%pressed a similar opinion
CT: D --> Naturally, it's another idea she considers cr33py
CT: D --> I mean creepy
GA: Well
GA: Are There Any Ideas She Doesnt Consider Creepy
CT: D --> She did make a few suggestions of her own
CT: D --> For e%ample, before your e%isting entanglement with the cer001ean b100d, she would have suggested you for my flushed quadrant
GA: Oh
GA: Uh
GA: Really
CT: D --> Does that strike you as 100dicrous
GA: Well
GA: I Hadnt Even Thought About It Before
GA: I Mean The Thought Literally Never Crossed My Mind
CT: D --> Well, Serket's intervention has neatly prec100ded it
CT: D --> So there's little point in reaching a conc100sion on it now
GA: Yes I Suppose So
GA: Well Did She Have Any Other Suggestions
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> But it's a little
CT: D --> Pec001iar
GA: It Cant Be That Unusual
GA: Unless She Suggested Someone Like Tavros
CT: D --> Hrk
CT: D --> Could you
CT: D --> Please refrain from suggesting any sort of relation between me and the mudb100d in the future
GA: Um Okay
CT: D --> I mean
CT: D --> The mere idea is abso100tely 100dicrous
CT: D --> And it tr001y perple%es me how the thought keeps resurfacing
CT: D --> It just causes me to
CT: D --> Perspire
GA: Yes Of Course How Thoughtless Of Me
GA: It Was Never My Intention To Force You To Sully Your Rapidly Dwindling Supply Of Fresh Towels
GA: I Shall Do My Best To Avoid Implying Feelings Of Any Sort Between You And Mister Nitram In The Future
CT: D --> Thank you
CT: D --> I simply find him
CT: D --> Particularly offensive for some reason
GA: Nonetheless Weve Gotten Off Topic Here
GA: What Was This Strange Suggestion That Nepeta Offered For Your Matesprit
CT: D --> Well, it was
CT: D --> Uh
CT: D --> The heiress
GA: Oh
GA: Feferi
GA: Okay That Actually Is Kind Of Unusual
CT: D --> My sentiments e%actly
GA: Well I Mean Its Unusual
GA: But Its Not Completely Ridiculous
CT: D --> What
CT: D --> No, it is completely ridiculous
CT: D --> She is a seadweller
CT: D --> The feud between landdwellers and her kind is ancient and well-recorded
CT: D --> It would be abso100tely una%eptable for us to enter any sort of amicable relationship
CT: D --> But at the same time
CT: D --> She is the heiress apparent to the imperial throne
CT: D --> She stands to become r001er of the entirety of the Alternian Empire
CT: D --> Her royal tyrian b100d places her at the top of the hemospe%rum, the very ape% of society
CT: D --> That she would ever deign to a%ept the hand of a meager b100b100d in matespritship is unthinkable
CT: D --> The thought of being her matesprit strikes me as simultaneously completely disgusting and abso100tely terrifying
CT: D --> And the two feelings combine into something strangely
CT: D --> E%citing
GA: Ha
CT: D --> What
GA: Sorry Its Just Funny That You Used That Particular Word
GA: Anyway Equius I Think Youre Seriously Overthinking This
CT: D --> How so
GA: Well You Keep Making All These Judgments Based On What Society Would Think
GA: When Society Has Been Reduced To Exactly Twelve Trolls Of Which I Think Youre The Only One That Actually Cares About Things Like This
GA: Besides You The Only Troll I Can Think Of That Grants The Hemospectrum Or Ancient Feuds Any Credibility Whatsoever Is Eridan
GA: And Really I Think He Was Only Humoring Them To Serve His Own Ends
GA: Judging By The Most Recent Memo It Seems Even He Has Discarded Them Because They Now Conflict With His Own Bottom Line
CT: D --> So
CT: D --> You're saying it would be to my behoof to follow the seadweller's e%ample
GA: Essentially Yes
CT: D --> That is
CT: D --> Uniquely depressing
GA: Okay I Can Certainly Understand You Feeling That Way
GA: But You Should Probably Know That The Young Miss Peixes Cares Little For These Traditions And In Fact Actively Despises Them
CT: D --> What
GA: Oh Yes She Holds A Great Deal Of Contempt For The Hemospectrum And All The Social Stratification That Results Directly From It
GA: And Even Before The Game Began She Held Onto The Idealistic Notion Of Uniting The Two Races Of Trollkind In Peace And Harmony
CT: D --> I
CT: D --> Seriously
GA: Yes
CT: D --> So
CT: D --> In the abso100tely absurd scenario that I were to attempt to court her
CT: D --> She would not see me as a b100b100d
CT: D --> But as simply
CT: D --> A troll
GA: Most Likely Yes
CT: D --> Well that's
CT: D --> A%ually terrible
GA: What Exactly Is Terrible About That
CT: D --> I had thought my status as a b100b100d may confer me some sort of advantage
CT: D --> But with that fa%or e%cluded, I can see little else I could offer over the eight other eligible trolls
GA: Equius Youre Really Not Giving Yourself Enough Credit Here
GA: I Mean Youre Not A Bad Person
GA: Its Just
GA: Okay I Want To Pay You A Compliment Here
GA: But Its Going To Be More Than A Little Backhanded And It Also Has A Dirty Word In It
GA: Is That Okay
CT: D --> Yes, go ahead
GA: Okay
GA: The Thing Is
GA: Youre Actually A Pretty Likeable Guy When Youre Not Being A Pretentious Classist Asshole
CT: D --> Oh wow, ok
GA: Youve Been Thankfully Sparing With The Condescending Hemospectrum Talk In Your Conversations With Me
GA: And For The Most Part Ive Actually Genuinely Enjoyed Talking To You
GA: I Mean You Have Some Backwards Views And Some Unsavory Habits
GA: But Putting All That Aside I Honestly Find You To Be An Incredibly Kind And Considerate And Gentle Person
GA: And I Might Even Consider You My Friend If You Would Let Me
CT: D --> A friend
CT: D --> Really
GA: Yes Really
CT: D --> Kanaya, I
CT: D --> I don't know what to say
CT: D --> E%cept that
CT: D --> I'm honored that you would consider me your friend
GA: Equius Its Not That Big A Deal Really
CT: D --> I suddenly require a towel
CT: D --> To wipe away all these tears
GA: Um
GA: Okay I Cant Tell If That Was A Sincere Statement Or A Joke
CT: D --> The statement itself is 100% fa%ual
CT: D --> But nonetheless, I found the sentiment humorous
CT: D --> So really, it's both
CT: D --> You are free to laugh
GA: Hahaha Okay
GA: See Thats Another Thing Equius
GA: You Actually Have A Sense Of Humor Which Is Something I Think Most Of The Others Dont Even Realize About You
GA: If You Werent Always Putting On These Airs Of Superiority I Honestly Think Most Of Us Would Actually Like You
CT: D --> You tr001y believe so
GA: Equius Im Completely Certain Of It
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> Perhaps you're right
CT: D --> Nepeta has e%pressed similar views on my adherence to Alternian traditions
GA: You Should Probably Listen To Her
GA: She Undoubtedly Has Your Best Interests At Heart
GA: And From My Brief Experience With Her I Can Tell She Is Almost Certainly An Excellent Moirail
GA: Or At Least A Better Moirail Than I Ever Was
CT: D --> Yes
CT: D --> She is tr001y the best there is
CT: D --> But you shouldn't be so quick to di%redit yourself
CT: D --> Judging by this conversation alone
CT: D --> Which is, of course, 100% platonic and not pale in any way whatsoever
CT: D --> I can conc100de that you would be an e%cellent moirail
GA: Now Youre Simply Flattering Me
GA: The Only Moirallegiance Ive Been In Was A Complete Failure
GA: Even If I Did Manage To Salvage Something Wonderful From The Smoldering Wreckage Of It
CT: D --> That was a special case
CT: D --> There were e%tenuating circumstances, as it were
CT: D --> It's understandable that tension would e%ist
GA: Yes Of Course The Tension Was Understandable
GA: But A Good Moirail Wouldve Actually Addressed The Issue And Attempted To Do Something To Resolve It
GA: But Instead I Took The Cowards Way Out
GA: I Just Took The Relationship Vriska And I Had And Twisted It Into A Shallow Mockery Of What I Wanted It To Be
GA: She Trusted Me To Be Her Moirail And I Utterly Betrayed That Trust
GA: And I Joke About It To Her But Whenever I Think About The Way I Handled Our Relationship It Honestly Disgusts Me
GA: The Whole Basis Of A Functional Moirallegiance Is Honesty And Sometimes I Wonder If I Can Truly Be Honest With Anyone
CT: D --> Well
CT: D --> You're being honest with me right now
GA: Uh
GA: I Guess I Am
CT: D --> Er
CT: D --> I didn't mean to imply we were sharing any sort of pale feelings here
CT: D --> We are, of course, completely platonic friends
GA: Yes Thats Absolutely Right
GA: We Are Simply Confiding In Each Other As Confidants Are Wont To Do
CT: D --> Yes
GA: Yes
CT: D --> Uh
CT: D --> Is it just me
CT: D --> Or has this di%ussion suddenly become
CT: D --> Awkward
GA: Im Sorry Its My Fault
GA: I Just Started Rambling To You About My Own Personal Hangups And I Sort Of Got Out Of Hand
GA: And If You Want To End The Conversation Now I Understand Completely
CT: D --> Kanaya
CT: D --> Speaking as your friend
CT: D --> I STRONGLY believe you should 100k for a moirail
CT: D --> And I tr001y think anyone would be e%tremely lucky to be in a moirallegiance with you
GA: Thank You Equius
GA: I Dont Know If Thats True But Its Nice Of You To Say Regardless
CT: D --> It is abso100tely 100% true
CT: D --> In fact, I order you to believe it to be true
CT: D --> And I must specify that this order is e%empt from the usual trivially met e%ape clause we would normally assume would be inc100ded
GA: Haha Okay Fine
GA: I Suppose As Your Inferior I Have No Choice But To Follow Your Thoroughly Binding Command
CT: D --> E%cellent
GA: You Really Are A Good Person Equius
GA: And I Honestly Believe You Could Have Anyone You Wanted As Your Matesprit If You Just Relaxed A Little
GA: And If You Actually Are Thinking Of Pursuing Feferi Then I Wish You The Best Of Luck And Would Be Happy To Assist You In Any Way I Can
CT: D --> That means a great deal to me, Kanaya
CT: D --> Thank you
GA: Of Course
GA: What Are Friends For
CT: D --> I don't a%ually know
CT: D --> I've never had one that wasn't simultaneously an enemy
CT: D --> So this is a learning e%perience for me
GA: Haha
GA: Anyway Anytime You Wish To Talk To Me Id Be Happy To Indulge You
GA: But For Now Were Skirting Dangerously Close To Pale Infidelity So Its Probably Best That This Particular Conversation Ends
CT: D --> You know
CT: D --> For all the talk of pale infidelity
CT: D --> I'm not even sure if it's a thing that a%ually e%ists
GA: Really
CT: D --> Yes, really
CT: D --> But then, I suppose it's best not to take unnecessary ris%
GA: Yes Of Course
CT: D --> But I'm always open to a friendly di%ussion myself
CT: D --> So if you ever need someone to talk to, you are free to conta% me
GA: Thank You Equius
CT: D --> Of horse
CT: D --> What are friends foal
GA: Hahaha Right
CT: D --> I'm sorry, these hoofbeast puns are gelding rather filly
CT: D --> I should've colt myself befoal they got out of hoof
CT: D --> But I suppose I've beaten this dead horse thoroughbredly enough
CT: D --> I'll spare you and not trot out anymare
GA: Okay Please Stop
GA: I Am Now Actually Literally Laughing Out Loud And Vriska Got Here A Few Minutes Ago And Shes Looking At Me Like Im Insane
GA: Which I Must Be To Be Reduced To Tears By Something As Ridiculous As A Barrage Of Unsolicited Horse Puns
GA: Now Im The One Who Requires A Towel
CT: D --> Haha
CT: D --> Anyway, I didn't realize your matesprit was there
CT: D --> I won't keep you any further
GA: Its No Problem At All Really
GA: But I Hope To Talk To You Again Soon
CT: D --> Count on it
GA: You Mean Canter On It
CT: D --> Ha, yes
CT: D --> That is abso100tely what I mean
GA: Sorry Im Done
GA: Ill Let You Go Now
CT: D --> Ok
CT: D --> Goodbye, Kanaya
GA: Goodbye Equius

centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA].