Edge of the Rainbow
arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]
AC: :33 < *ac furry sneakily and silently cr33ps through tcs hive*
AC: :33 < *s33ing her oppurrtunity to strike, she crouches down in purrepurration...*
AC: :33 < *and jumps into tcs horn pile!!*
AC: :33 < *little horns go flying efurrywhere in a deafening chorus of honks and squeaks!!*
TC: WhOoOaAa, SiStEr, YoU aLl Up AnD sCaReD tHe MoThErFuCkIn TiTs OfF oF mE wItH tHaT mAsTeRfUlLy MoThErFuCkIn ExEcUtEd HoNk JuMp!
TC: NoW aLl My ImAgInArY hOrNs ArE iN mOtHeRfUcKiN dIsArRaY.
AC: :33 < h33 h33!
AC: :33 < hi gamz33!
TC: WeLl ShIiIiT, wHaT's AlL tHe MoThErFuCkIn SiTuAtIoN tHaT wOuLd BrInG mY mAiN mOtHeRfUcKiN cAt GiRl To Up AnD cHaT oN mE lIkE tHiS?
AC: :33 < well, actually, this is a shipping sw33p!
TC: Oh, OkAy, A sHiPpInG sWeEp.
TC: WhAt'S mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiPpInG sWeEp AgAiN?
AC: :33 < well, i just wanted to talk to you about relationships!
AC: :33 < maybe s33 if we can find you a matespurrit and a meowrail!
AC: :33 < have you b33n reading my memos?
TC: YeAh, I kInDa ReMeMbEr SkImMiN aLl ThOsE mOtHeRfUcKeRs OnCe Or TwIcE
TC: BuT iTs AlL kInD oF a MoThErFuCkIn HaZe.
TC: ThOuGhT i SaW sOmE sHiT aBoUt TaVbRo BeIn AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnDlY oN vRiSkA oF aLl ThE pEoPlE.
TC: So I'm NoT rEaLlY mOtHeRfUcKiN sUrE hOw MuCh Of ThAt I jUsT uP aNd MoThErFuCkIn ImAgInEd.
AC: :33 < no, that actually catpunned!
TC: WhOa, ReAlLy?
AC: :33 < yeah! theyre meowrails now!
AC: :33 < and i think theyre really happy together!
TC: WeLl ShIiIiT, tHaT's MoThErFuCkIn AwEsOmE, sIsTeR!
TC: HaHaHa, TaVbRo AlL uP aNd TaMeD tHe MoThErFuCkIn SpIdEr!
TC: FuUuCk, I'm FeElIn As I sHoUlD cOmPoSe A rAp On ThEiR mOtHeRfUcKiN hOnOr Or SoMeThIn.
AC: :33 < h33 h33! it is puretty pawesome
AC: :33 < so, can we talk about shipping now?
TC: WeLl If YoUr HeArT's AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN sEt In It, I gUeSs I cOuLd ObLiGe On ThAt ShIt.
TC: NeVeR wAnTeD tO bE a MoThErFuCkEr WhO wOuLd Up AnD nOt TaKe SoMe AdViCe FrOm HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnDs.
AC: :33 < okay, great!
AC: :33 < well, normally i start with the flushed quadrant
AC: :33 < but pawnestly
AC: :33 < and dont take this the wrong way
AC: :33 < but i dont really have any idea who could be your matespurrit!
TC: NaH, sIsTeR, i GeT wHeRe YoU'rE mOtHeRfUcKiN cOmIn OuT oF.
TC: CaN't Be AlL tHaT mAnY mOtHeRfUcKeRs GeTtIn ThEiR fLuSh OuT oN a MiRtHfUl MoThErFuCkEr LiKe Me.
TC: EvErYbOdY's AlL gOt ThEiR oWn ReLaTiOnShIpS aNd ShIt To AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN wOrRy ArOuNd.
TC: MeAnWhIlE i'M jUsT gEtTiN mY mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl Up HeRe OuT oF mY mOtHeRfUcKiN hIvE, sIpPiN fAyGo AnD mAkIn A fEw PiEs.
AC: :33 < well...
AC: :33 < we have to think of something!
AC: :33 < efurrypawdy n33ds a matespurrit, even you!
TC: WeLl, If ThAt'S wHaT yOu'Re AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN fEeLiNg, I gUeSs I cAn'T bE tHe GuY wHo AlL uP aNd DiSaGrEeS aT yOu.
TC: BuT i'M mOtHeRfUcKiN cHiLl Up On It OnE wAy Or AnOtHeR.
AC: :33 < well, lets think about it
AC: :33 < maybe i can think of somepawdy fur you!
TC: ShIt, i GuEsS.
AC: :33 < hmmmm...
AC: :33 < i purrobably shouldnt be suggesting this
AC: :33 < but what about equius?
TC: Aw MaN, eQuIuS iS dEfInItElY a ChOiCe BrO.
TC: We ShOoT tHe ShIt AlL tHe MoThErFuCkIn TiMe, SiStEr.
TC: He'S aLwAyS cOmIn At Me On HiS fEeLiNgS aNd ShIt, TrYiN tO mAkE sEnSe AbOuT tHe HeMoSpEcTrUm AnD aLl ThAt NoIsE.
TC: I dOn'T kNoW iF i WaNt To Be KiSsIn AfTeR tHe DuDe, ThOuGh.
TC: I'd JuSt Be Up FoR hAvIn A nIcE mOtHeRfUcKiN sIt DoWn AnD jAmMiN a BiT wItH hIs FeElInGs AnD sHiT.
AC: :33 < >://
TC: ShIiIiT, wHaT's GoT yOu AlL mAkIn A mOtHeRfUcKiN fAcE lIkE tHaT?
AC: :33 < it sounds more like you want to be his meowrail than anything
TC: DoEs It? FuCk, I dOn'T kNoW, mAyBe ThAt'S iT.
AC: :33 < gamz33, i am his meowrail!
AC: :33 < so i really dont apurreciate you saying that!
TC: AwWwWw ShIt, ThAt ToTaLlY uP aNd SlIpPeD mY mOtHeRfUcKiN mInD!
TC: I'm NoT tRyIn To StEaL hIm AwAy ArOuNd YoU oR aNy ShIt LiKe ThAt.
TC: FuUuCk, LoOk At ThIs GuY aLl Up AnD bEiN a MoThErFuCkIn ToOl.
AC: :33 < look, just furget i brought this up, okay?
AC: :33 < i dont even like the idea of you and equius being matespurrits
AC: :33 < he doesnt even like you, except fur cr33py weird reasons
AC: :33 < i only brought it up beclaws i couldnt think of anything else
TC: WeLl MoThEr FuCk.
AC: :33 < its okay! ill think of something else
AC: :33 < maybe
AC: :33 < god, this is really hard!
AC: :33 < well, lets s33...
AC: :33 < alright, you brought terezi into the game, right?
TC: ShIt YeAh I dId, SiStEr!
AC: :33 < so you purrobably interacted a lot with her
AC: :33 < what about her as your matespurrit?
TC: WeLl ShIt, TeReZi'S oNe CoOl LaDy AnD aLl.
TC: BuT fRaNkLy, ShE kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN sCaReS mE.
TC: ShE's AlWaYs HaNgIn ShIt ThRoUgH tReEs AnD tAlKiN lIkE jUsTiCe AnD aLl ThAt NoIsE.
TC: AnD i AiN't NeVeR bEeN a MoThErFuCkEr To JuDgE aNoThEr BrOtHeR eVeN wHaT iS a PrOpEr MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: So I gUeSs ThAt'S kInD oF aLl WhAt A tUrN oFf Is.
AC: :33 < yeah, it was a bit of a stretch
AC: :33 < i dont think she really likes you like that either
AC: :33 < or even at all, really
TC: YeAh, ShE kInD oF gAvE uP a MoThErFuCkIn ViBe UnDeR sOmE eFfEcT lIkE tHaT.
AC: :33 < okay, so not terezi
AC: :33 < sooo
AC: :33 < your serfur player was tavros, right?
AC: :33 < what do you think of him?
TC: WeLl, ShIt, I mEaN...
TC: TaVrOs Is DeFiNiTeLy A cHoIcE bRo.
TC: NaH, wAiT, tHaT's VaStLy MoThErFuCkIn UnDeRsTaTiNg JuSt HoW pArTiCuLaRlY bRoTaCuLaR hE iS.
TC: It'D bE mOrE aCcUrAtE tO uP aNd SaY hE's A gIaNt MoThErFuCkIn RiB oF pRiMe, GrAdE-a BrO.
TC: AlL gRiLlEd Up To SmOkY bRoWn MoThErFuCkIn PeRfEcTiOn AnD dRiPpInG wItH dElIcIoUs MoThErFuCkIn BrO jUiCeS.
AC: :33 < wow, this is making me hungry all of a sudden
TC: ShIiIt, I gUeSs ThAt MeTaPhOr AlL uP aNd GoT aWaY fRoM mE lIkE aN iMp WiTh OnE oF mY mOtHeRfUcKiN pIeS.
TC: BuT yEaH, i'M sAyIn, TaVbRo'S dEfInItElY a CoOl MoThErFuCkIn DuDe.
TC: AnD, uH...
TC: FuCk, I mEaN, i GuEsS iT'd Be PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn NiCe BeIn MaTeSpRiTs To HiM.
TC: WeLl, ShIt, It'D bE mOrE tHaN nIcE, iT'd Be A sTrAiGhT uP mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLe Is AlL wHaT iT wOuLd FuCkIn Be.
AC: :33 < :oo
AC: :33 < gamz33, are you...
AC: :33 < are you flushed fur tavros?
AC: :33 < its okay! you can tell me!
AC: :33 < i wont tell anypawdy, i swear!
TC: WeLl, FuCk, OkAy.
TC: YeAh, I'm PrEtTy MuCh StRaIgHt Up FlUsHeD tHe FuCk OuT oN tAvBrO.
TC: As DeEp In ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN rEd As AnY mOtHeRfUcKeR cAn Be To AnY oThEr MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShIt'S bEeN bUrNiN a WiCkEd HoLe ThRoUgH mY mOtHeRfUcKiN hEaRt FoR a WhIlE nOw AnD iT fEeLs RiGhTeOuS aS sHiT tO cOnFiDe At AnOtHeR mOtHeRfUcKeR aBoUt It.
AC: :33 < wow, that is so great!!
AC: :33 < i couldnt think of a matespurrit fur tavros, either
AC: :33 < but now that i think about it, you two would be pawesome fur each other!
TC: ShIiIt, ThAt'S rEaL nIcE oN yOu To SaY aNd AlL.
TC: BuT i ThInK i MiGhT hAvE fUcKeD tHaT sHiT uP aS hIgH aS aNy PaRtIcUlAr PiEcE oF sHiT cAn Be FuCkEd.
AC: :33 < why? what catpunned?
TC: WeLl, BeFoRe We Up AnD gOt Me OnTo ThE gAmE, i KiNdA...
TC: I aSkEd HiM iF wE cOuLd MaYbE aLl GeT sOmE sLoPpY mAkEoUtS oN.
TC: AnD sEeInG lIkE wE hAvEn'T bArElY eVeN mOtHeRfUcKiN sPoKeN sInCe ThAt CrItIcAl PoInT, i'D sAy ThAt PaRtIcUlAr StRaTeGy WaS a DrAsTiC mOtHeRfUcKiN fAiLuRe.
TC: I'm AfRaId I jUsT uP aNd ScArEd ThAt BrOtHeR aWaY fOrEvEr By BeIn AlL sO mOtHeRfUcKiN fOrWaRd As ThAt.
TC: HoNk :o(
AC: :33 < well...
AC: :33 < you kind of put him on the spawt, right?
TC: ShIt YeAh, SiStEr.
TC: I jUsT tOoK tHe MoThErFuCkIn SpOt AnD aLl SlAmMeD tHaT bRoThEr RiGhT dOwN tHe CeNtEr LiKe A sKeE bAlL tAbLe At A dArK mOtHeRfUcKiN cArNiVaL.
TC: GoT fIfTy MoThErFuCkIn TiCkEtS aNd ExChAnGeD eM fOr A bIg StUfFeD cHoLeRbEaR wItH "bRoThEr, YoU'rE bEiN wAy ToO mOtHeRfUcKiN uPfRoNt" EmBrOiDeReD oVeR iT.
AC: :33 < well, he was purrobably just nervous!
AC: :33 < i mean, until recently, he hasnt b33n furry good at dealing with sudden surpurrises like that
AC: :33 < and maybe he just hasnt talked to you beclaws hes afurraid he hurt your f33lings!
TC: WeLl FuCk, I gUeSs ThAt'S a PoSsIbIlItY aNd AlL.
TC: BuT sHiT, iF i CoUlD hAvE tHe MiRtHfUl MeSsIaHs GrAnT mE oNe MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE, iT'd Be To NeVeR uP aNd DoNe ThAt ShIt WiThIn ThAt PaRtIcUlAr MoThErFuCkIn MaNnEr.
AC: :33 < well, i still think it would work!
AC: :33 < in fact, im updating my wall right meow
AC: :33 < im circling you and tavros a bunch of times and writing "oh yesssss!" under it with a little heart in furont of it
AC: :33 < do you want me to help you win him ofur?
AC: :33 < we could set up a big devious plan and efurrything!
TC: FuUuUcK, sIsTeR, tHaT's AwFuL mOtHeRfUcKiN rIgHtEoUs On YoU tO oFfEr AnD aLl.
TC: EsPeCiAlLy SeEiN aS wE'rE pRaCtIcAlLy MoThErFuCkIn StRaNgErS.
TC: BuT i'M aLl ThInKiN iT'd Be BeSt To JuSt Up AnD lEt ThAt ShIt SiT uNdEr ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN bAcKbUrNeR fOr A wHiLe.
TC: MaYbE wE'lL aLl GeT a MiRaClE dOwN oN tHiS sHiT aNd It'Ll AlL aNd JuSt WoRk ItSeLf ThE mOtHeRfUcK oUt.
AC: :33 < well, if you say so
AC: :33 < wow, this shipping sw33p has b33n a lot more purrductive than i thought it would be!
AC: :33 < i didnt think pinning down your matespurrit would be that easy!
TC: HaHaHa, YeAh, I gUeSs ThE fUcK nOt.
TC: It'S lIkE a LiTtLe MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE hApPeNeD jUsT oN yOu.
AC: :33 < h33 h33, i guess so!
AC: :33 < anyway, lets talk about your pale quadrant
AC: :33 < any ideas?
TC: WeLl, ShIt, ThErE's A mOtHeRfUcKeR oR tWo I wOuLdN't MiNd BeIn MoThErFuCkIn PaLeBrOs To.
TC: KaRkAt'S aLwAyS sEeMeD lIkE a MoThErFuCkEr WhO cOuLd UsE sOmE hElP gEtTiN hIs MoThErFuCkIn SeTtLe DoWn On.
AC: :33 < really? karkitty?
TC: YeAh, SiStEr.
TC: I kNoW hE's AlWaYs MoThErFuCkIn GeTtIn AlL mAd AnD sHiT tOwArDs Me AnD pRoBaBlY dOeSn'T gIvE hAlF a ShIt AbOuT mE rIgHt ThE fUcK nOw.
TC: BuT i AlWaYs FeLt LiKe It WaS fOrEtOlD oN tHe MoThErFuCkIn StArS oR sOmE sHiT tHaT wE'd EnD uP bEiN mOiRaIlS.
AC: :33 < seriously?
TC: FuCk, I dOn'T kNoW.
TC: ThAt CoUlD aLl JuSt Be My HeArT uP aNd TeLlIn Me FaKe ShIt.
TC: WoUlDn'T bE tHe FiRsT mOtHeRfUcKiN tImE iT's HaPpEnEd, I gUeSs.
AC: :33 < hmmmmm...
AC: :33 < any other pawssibilities, you think?
TC: ShIt YeAh, ThErE's A wHoLe MoThErFuCkIn DoUbLe RaInBoW oF pOsSiBiLiTiEs, SiStEr.
TC: I mEaN, tErEzI's A cLaSsY mOtHeRfUcKiN lAdY, aNd I wOuLdN't MiNd GeTtIn My SiT oN aNd HaViN a MoThErFuCkIn JaM wItH hEr.
TC: Or I'd Be Up FoR cHiLlIn WiTh SoLlUx AnD aLl TaLkIn AbOuT mOtHeRfUcKiN gHoStS oR wHaTeVeR sHiT hE's AlWaYs On Up AbOuT.
TC: FuCk, I'd EvEn Be MoThErFuCkIn DoWn FoR lAyIn On ThE hOrN pIlE wItH kAnAyA aNd LeTtIn HeR gEt HeR mOtHeRfUcKiN mEdDlE oN.
TC: I gUeSs I'd Be AlL uP fOr BeInG pAlEbRoS wItH aNy MoThErFuCkEr WhAt'S wIlLiNg To PuT uP wItH mE.
AC: :33 < wow
AC: :33 < well...
AC: :33 < what about eridan?
TC: AnGrY mOtHeRfUcKeR wHaT's AlWaYs TaLkIn AbOuT kIlLiN aLl MoThErFuCkIn LaNd DwElLeRs ErIdAn?
TC: ShIt, I gUeSs I'd Be Up FoR cRaCkIn An IcEcOlD wItH hIm AnD sPiLlIn SoMe ShIt On OuR fEeLiNgS.
TC: BuT fRaNkLy, ThE bRoThEr KiNd Of AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN sCaReS mE.
AC: :33 < hes not scary!
AC: :33 < hes just kind of a douche
TC: HaHaHa, WhAt?
AC: :33 < i mean, i know up until now, hes b33n a huge asshole
AC: :33 < and furankly, he still is kind of an asshole
AC: :33 < but i talked to him, and he said hed be willing to be your meowrail!
AC: :33 < he just really n33ds somepawdy to talk about his f33lings to
TC: FuCk, ReAlLy?
TC: I mEaN, tHaT's MoThErFuCkIn RiGhTeOuS aNd AlL.
TC: BuT sHiT, pAlEbRoS wItH eRiDaN?
TC: JuSt SeEmS kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN wEiRd FoR sOmE rEaSoN.
AC: :33 < look, think of it this way
AC: :33 < hes basically karkitty
AC: :33 < minus any red33ming qualities whatsoefur
TC: ShIiIiT, sIsTeR's AlL gEtTiN hEr MoThErFuCkIn HaRsH oN oN tHiS sEaDwElLiN mOtHeRfUcKeR!
TC: HoNk HoNk HoNk! :oD
AC: :33 < h33 h33, sorry!
AC: :33 < hes not a bad guy
AC: :33 < theres just something about him that just really annoys me purrsonally fur some reason
TC: HaHaHaHa, FuCk, CaN't BlAmE a SiStEr FoR aLl WoRkIn HeR mOtHeRfUcKiN dIsLiKe At AnOtHeR bRoThEr.
AC: :33 < well, would you be willing to be his meowrail?
TC: ShIt, WhY tHe MoThErFuCk NoT?
TC: I gUeSs I'd Be WiLlIn To GiVe ThAt ShIt A sHoT iF hE iS.
AC: :33 < thats great!!
AC: :33 < so how about i set you two up fur a f33lings jam?
TC: WhOa, AlReAdY?
AC: :33 < sure!
AC: :33 < itll just be a way of testing the waters
AC: :33 < to s33 if you two will work out together
TC: WeLl FuCk, AlRiGhT, i GuEsS.
AC: :33 < great!
AC: :33 < im gonna talk to eridan again soon, and then we can work out the time!
AC: :33 < and ill tell him to bring some faygo, too!
TC: AwWwWwW yEaH, sIsTeR, tHaT's ThE kInD oF mOtHeRfUcKiN pLaN i CaN aLl Up AnD gEt WoRkEd ThE fUcK uP aBoUt!
AC: :33 < h33 h33!
AC: :33 < alright, talk to you in a bit, gamz33!
TC: YeAh, PeAcE, mY mOtHeRfUcKiN cAtSiS.
TC: HoNk HoNk :o)
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]
"I can't believe I'm actually fuckin' goin' through with this."
"Eridan, you're being a tool again. Just stop."
Nepeta and Eridan were walking towards the entrance to Gamzee's hive on the Land of Tents and Mirth, and she was not about to let this asshole get cold feet now.
The seadweller slid a single hand over his face, grasping his he was certain soon-to-be-aching forehead. "Seariously, it fuckin' amazes me that I'm reduced to goin' to a fuckin' doped up sideshow act for emotional support," he said with a sigh.
Nepeta stopped and turned to face him fully, clenching her fists and glowering. "God, Eridan, would you just shut up?! It's not that big a deal!" He'd stopped as well, and was glancing over at the oliveblood through the fingers over his glasses. "It's not going to reflect on you purrsonally, so there's nothing to be empawrassed about. So stop being such a fucking douche already!"
Eridan just barely stifled a laugh at the last remark (what was so funny? Nepeta had to wonder), then released his brow from the prison of his palm. "I'm sorry, Nep," he said, and looked off to his other side. "I'm just... I'm nervous, alright? I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck somethin' up and end up havin' to crawl back to Kar. Or Kan, or anybody else, for that fuckin' matter."
Nepeta relaxed, and sympathy lifted her features once more. "You'll do fine. All you have to do is be honest, and listen to him, and try to help."
"Yeah, I guess," he said, and resumed walking, with Nepeta following shortly after. "I'm not embarrassed about it. I'm just makin' excuses here." He laughed and glanced over at her. "'Sides, if anybody should be embarrassed by their fuckin' moirail, it's you."
"Hee hee!" Nepeta couldn't help but giggle. "Exactly! There's no glory in just having a meowrail. It all comes furom helping them impurrove. There's an old saying that goes," and she closed her eyes and raised a single finger in the air as she recited, "'A matespurrit is someone you put on a pedestal, and a meowrail is someone you pull out of a hole.'"
Eridan chuckled. "But it's supposed to go both ways, right? How do two people pull each other out of two separate holes?"
"That's easy," Nepeta said with a grin. "You use a rope! You just throw it over and one purrson climbs out with the other as a counterweight!" She stroked her chin for a moment, suddenly feeling the need to extend the metaphor. "Or if you're really ambitious, you could just both climb out at the same time!"
"So you're not givin' me a moirail," Eridan said bemusedly, "you're givin' me a rope."
Eridan looked away. "Well, at least if this whole thing falls through, I've got somethin' else I can fuckin' do with it," he muttered.
Nepeta glared at him. "Eridan," she said, more angry than concerned.
"It was a fuckin' joke," he spat at her. "God, Nep, give me some fuckin' credit here."
The pair at last reached the entrance to Gamzee's hive, and Nepeta gave the door a rhythmic knock. There was a brief cacophony of horns, followed by silence. In the meantime, Eridan spread his arms and looked down to survey himself. He turned to Nepeta and asked, "How do I look?"
Nepeta just snickered. "Eridan, he's not gonna care how you look."
"Yeah, I fuckin' know that, but still," Eridan said, rolling his eyes.
"Alright, fine," Nepeta said and turned to appraise him. "You look like a dork. Is that good enough?"
Eridan just slumped his shoulders and sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Seariously, Nep, this is some wiggler-level shit." Nepeta just giggled in response.
The door to the hive swung open, and Gamzee greeted the two bickering trolls with a wave and a vacant grin. "Well, if it isn't just the two motherfuckers I was all hopin' to motherfuckin' see!"
"Yeah, imagine that, we're here right when we fuckin' said we would be," Eridan said. He waved his hands in front of him mockingly. "It's a motherfuckin' miracle."
Nepeta lightly elbowed him in the ribs. "Eridan, be nice."
Eridan sneered and gave her a sidelong glance. "What'd I say about bein' nice?"
"I remempurr what you said," she retorted, and grabbed the end of his scarf and rubbed it in her fingers. "And I'd suggest you get a much thicker scarf."
Gamzee took the whole tangent in stride. "Well shit, come in," he said, gesturing into his hive, "make yourselves up in fuckin' home." The two stepped through the doorway and advanced into his leisureblock, and Gamzee followed after them. It had all the standard trappings of a living area, though there were a distressing lack of chairs that weren't stuffed with leguminous protein objects, and horns and drained Faygo bottles littered the floor.
Eridan turned to Nepeta. "Remind me again why you have to fuckin' be here."
"I'm just here to make sure efurrything goes smoothly," Nepeta said with a grin, then suddenly shot Eridan a glare and jabbed an accusatory finger at him. "And to make sure you don't back out on this."
Eridan scoffed. "Please, Nep, I have every fuckin' intention a' stayin' here," he said, then jabbed a finger right back at her. "I just think it'll be weird havin' a little fuckin' voyeur watchin' us while we're tryin' to jam on our private fuckin' emotions."
Nepeta just rolled her eyes at him. "Eridan, I don't get off on watching amateur feelings jams. Seriously, I don't even want to be here." She chuckled and added, "Anyway, it won't be anything I haven't seen befur."
"I'm not embarrassed or anythin'," Eridan said and looked away, though the slight purple flush in his cheeks said otherwise. "I'm just afraid of givin' you more fuckin' ammunition."
"Hee hee!" Nepeta giggled once more. "Please, Eridan, you've already given me enough material to make fun of you fur sweeps. This is nothing."
"Well, hey," Gamzee cut in, "if you motherfuckers want to make yourselves comfortable, you can get your sit on any motherfuckin' place." He moved over to a low set coffee table (which Nepeta and Eridan were both certain had never had coffee on it) surrounded by bean bag chairs and flopped himself into the nearest one.
"Actually, Gam," Eridan started and turned to face him, "before we get to anythin' else, there's one thing I've got to fuckin' get off my chest here. I've been dyin' to fuckin' talk to somebody about this for the longest fuckin' time, and nobody's even willin' to give me a fuckin' chance."
Nepeta suddenly looked concerned. "Eridan, I'm not sure if you should--"
"Nep, please," Eridan interrupted her, extending an open palm in her direction. "I've got to get this shit on the table right fuckin' now."
Gamzee looked at him as soberly as he could (which still wasn't very sober). "Alright, brother, what is it?"
"You want to know what it is?" Eridan said, advancing toward the coffee table. "Here's what it fuckin' is." He suddenly produced a large cooler from out of his sylladex and dropped it on the tabletop with a loud thud. He flipped the lid open, and inside were dozens of bottles of Faygo in all varieties of colors, resting in a bed of ice.
"I've been makin' all these different fuckin' flavors a' this shit, and there isn't a single motherfucker who's willin' to try any of 'em."
Gamzee rose and beheld the spectrum of soda with awe. "Holy shit. It's like a whole motherfuckin' double rainbow of Faygo. This is..." He stopped to wipe a single indigo tear from his eye. "This is a motherfuckin' miracle."
"Actually, it's just basic fuckin' punchcard alchemy, but whatever," Eridan said, and snatched up a bottle of grape for himself. He gestured to the cooler. "I mean, help yourself."
Gamzee grabbed one at random, a bottle full of blue liquid with a yellow label, but as soom as he picked it up, the soda inside turned red. He stared at the bottle in disbelief. "Whoa, this one changes colors or some shit."
"Oh yeah, that's Appleberry Blast. It's blue or red dependin' on which way you're lookin' at it." He suddenly sneered. "Made it usin' that asshole Sol's stupid fuckin' glasses."
Gamzee shifted the bottle in his hand, watching the colors change, before he finally cracked it open and took a swig. "Aw shit, it's like two motherfuckin' flavors at once!" he said with a satisfied grin, and he retook his place in his bean bag chair.
"Yeah, leave it to mister two of fuckin' everything not to be satisfied with one fuckin' flavor," Eridan said as he opened his own Faygo, then took a sip. He looked over to Nepeta. "Hey Nep, you want a soda? There's bound to be a flavor in here you'd like."
"Uh," Nepeta said through a forced grin, and looked away. "No thanks."
"Aw, c'mon, Nep, it's not that fuckin' bad," Eridan said, and plucked a bottle of olive-colored soda from the cooler. "Look, you like tea, right? This one's green tea, it's got to be at least tolerable."
"Well..." she said hesitantly. "Alright, fine, give it here."
Eridan smirked and gave the bottle a few vigorous shakes before he tossed it to her. "Wiggler-level shit, I know." She just gave him an annoyed look and decided she didn't want to open it just yet.
"Well thanks, brother, this is motherfuckin' righteous on you," Gamzee said, and turned toward his victualblock. "Why don't you just get your motherfuckin' sit on and I'll fetch us a pie."
"No, god damnit, Gam," Eridan suddenly growled, "we're not havin' a fuckin pie!" Gamzee stopped and turned to look at him, a dazed expression on his face. Eridan slumped his shoulders. "Sorry, it's just... Gam, you shouldn't be eatin' that shit. It puts holes in your fuckin' brain."
Gamzee continued to stare for a moment, then suddenly frowned. "Well, shit, if that's all how you motherfuckin' feel, I guess I've got to hear you the motherfuck out."
Eridan raised an eyebrow at him. "What, seariously? Just like that?"
Gamzee shrugged. "Yeah, brother. I know you probably all got my best motherfuckin' interest on your heart, so who the fuck am I to up and disagree?"
"Uh," Eridan started, and glanced over to Nepeta, who just smiled and gave him a thumbs-up. "Well, fuck, okay. That was kind of a major fuckin' bullet on the agenda, so now I got nothin' 'cept to talk about feelin's."
"Shit yeah, motherfucker," Gamzee said, and flopped back down in his bean bag chair. "Have a motherfuckin' seat," he said, patting the bag next to him, and Eridan obliged, carefully draping his cape over the back so he didn't sit on it. They sat in quiet for a moment, enjoying their beverages.
"So..." Eridan ventured after a while, "did you want to go first?"
"Nah, you start," Gamzee replied, and took another swig of his soda. "Just spill that shit like a Faygo you up and forgot was in your motherfuckin' hand in the first place, so you all went to scratch your head or some shit and it all just motherfuckin got everywhere."
"Yeah, alright," Eridan said, and looked down into his Faygo. He took a sip, then laughed to himself. "Y'know, it's funny. If we'd done this a day ago, I'd a' been complainin' about how Sol was stealin' Fef away from me, and there was this massive fuckin' conspiracy against me." He took another swig. "But then somethin' happened to me that made me realize what a fuckin' tool I was bein'."
"Well, shit, brother, what happened?" Gamzee asked, moving his head toward Eridan, but not looking at him. "Was it a motherfuckin' miracle?"
"No, it wasn't a fuckin'--" Eridan snapped, but suddenly stopped himself. "Well, maybe it kind of was a fuckin' miracle." He glanced at Nepeta, who just rolled her eyes at him.
"Hahaha, fuck yeah," Gamzee said, briefly raising his Faygo in a toast. "Preach it, motherfucker."
"Not much to fuckin' tell, I'm afraid," Eridan mused, taking a quick swig of soda. He motioned to Nepeta. "Tried to rope her into pullin' some kinda fuckin' ruse to make Fef flushed for me. Instead she tore me a new set of gills an' laid my every fuckin' iniquity bare before me like a filleted fuckin' mackerel." He laughed to himself. "An' now I'm sittin' here drinkin' Faygo with a fuckin' clown at her goddamn behest." Nepeta tried and failed to stifle a giggle, and Eridan just shot her a dirty look in response (albeit one garnished with the slightest smirk).
"Fuck, bro," Gamzee said with a laugh, "there's your motherfuckin' miracle right there."
Eridan gave him a sidelong glance. "What's a fuckin' miracle?"
"The fact that a brother like you and a motherfucker like me could all get our sit on and spit with each other like we're motherfuckin' palebros," Gamzee replied, and looked out one of his windows into the colorful sky of his land. "Ain't a motherfucker alive what could've foretold a fuckin' union as this." He waved his empty hand in the air. "Motherfuckin' miracles."
Eridan stared at him slack-jawed for a moment. "Gam, that's the stupidest fuckin' thing I've ever heard." After another beat, he raised his bottle of Faygo into the air. "But fuck, I'll drink to it." Gamzee simply chortled, and they bumped their sodas together in a toast, then each took a long swig in unison.
Nepeta decided now was a good enough time to give the soda in her hand a try. She carefully opened it--it didn't fizz up that much, thankfully--and took a wary sip. The indulgence didn't escape Eridan's detection. "Hey Nep, how is it?" he turned and asked her.
She just waggled her free hand side to side in front of her. "It's drinkable," she said unenthusiastically. It was actually pretty decent, but she wasn't about to tell him that.
Gamzee looked over to Eridan. "So what's all this motherfuckin' noise around the fishsister and Mr. Cherries and Berries?"
"Well, the thing is..." Eridan started, and looked down at the floor. "Me an' Fef were moirails up until just recently. But I was flushed for her the entire fuckin' time. Like, murder-the-fuckin'-world-for-her flushed." He sighed. "But as soon as I got in the fuckin' game, she dumped me. Ended our moirallegiance. Wasn't even willin' to consider somethin' redder. Just ran off with that fuckin' mustardblood first chance she got."
Gamzee frowned. "Shit, I'm sorry, bro," he said mournfully, rubbing Eridan's shoulder.
Eridan reached his hand up, wanting to pull Gamzee's hand off him, but suddenly thought fuck it and dropped it again. "Nah, it's my own fuckin' fault," he said, then took another swig of Faygo and resumed looking at the floor. "The whole fuckin' time we were moirails, I was a piece a' shit to her. I was just constantly blockin' her off with my theatrical fuckin' bullshit. An' I never even gave her feelin's a fuckin' inch a' consideration." He sighed once more and pressed his free hand against the side of his head. "She thought I hated her, Gam. And in retrospect, I don't fuckin' blame her."
He turned to Gamzee, purple tears welling in his eyes. "Am I even a good person, Gam?" he asked, his voice starting to crack. "Do I even deserve a fuckin' matesprit?"
Gamzee moved his hand further around Eridan, rubbing his back. "Sure you fuckin' do, brother," he said with a sympathetic smirk. "I mean, yeah, you fucked up every which motherfuckin' way it's possible to fuck in that specific direction, but at least you know you motherfuckin' did it. Gives you a leg up after every other motherfucker what ever fucked somethin' up."
"Yeah, I guess," Eridan said, wiping the moisture from his eyes.
Gamzee leaned in a little closer. "You still wanna be her matesprit?"
Eridan broke eye contact with Gamzee, looking at the floor again. "Nah, I've pretty much given up on that," he said ruefully. "She deserves a better fuckin' matesprit than me anyway."
"Motherfucker, that is not true," Gamzee said sternly, prodding his bottle of Faygo into Eridan's chest for emphasis. "You're every fuckin' bit the matesprit she deserves. You're just not the one she motherfuckin' needs right now."
Eridan looked up at Gamzee, a curious look on his face. "What do you mean?"
"You're a good motherfucker, brother," Gamzee said, looking him in the eyes. "And you'd be a miracle of a matesprit, I can motherfuckin' tell. She just can't see that shit 'cause she's all sour off your motherfuckin' breakup."
Eridan's mouth curled into the tiniest smirk. "You really think so?"
"Motherfucker, I know so," Gamzee said, bumping his Faygo into Eridan's chest once more.
"Shit, that's nice a' you to say, Gam," Eridan said, and he looked away, a faint purple flush spreading through his cheeks, "but I still don't fuckin' know. I think she'd be happier with somebody else." He knocked back his Faygo for a quick swig, then paused for a moment in contemplation. "Or maybe..."
"You would," Gamzee ventured to guess.
Eridan let out a long, bodily sigh, his broad frame sinking into his amorphous seat. "Maybe," he said despondently. "Fuck, I don't know. I mean..." He paused to take a breath. "I'm still flushed for her. Course I'm still fuckin' flushed for her. Have been for sweeps, and it's not just gonna up and fuckin' disappear overnight. But..." He sighed once more. "Now every fuckin' time I think about her, I think about what a fuckin' asshole I was to her, and I can't fuckin' take it."
Gamzee just frowned. "Well, shit, bro. Not sure what all to motherfuckin' tell you."
"Yeah, I know," Eridan said, taking a swig of Faygo, then staring up at the ceiling. "It's fuckin' easy to fall in love with somebody, but how the fuck do you fall out?"
"I don't know, motherfucker," Gamzee said, then patted Eridan on the back. "But maybe I can motherfuckin' help."
Eridan laughed. "Thanks, Gam," he said, a grin creeping its way onto his face. "Hell, I think even airin' this shit out to somebody has helped me out a lot already."
"Any time, brother," Gamzee said, raising his Faygo in a toast. "Keep the motherfuckin' icecold flowin', and I'll hear you the motherfuck up." Eridan just laughed again and bumped his soda into Gamzee's.
The two sat in silence for a moment, drinking their Faygo, before Eridan piped up. "You flushed for anybody, Gam?" he turned and asked, his voice full of genuine curiosity.
Gamzee didn't respond immediately. "Yeah," he eventually muttered, staring at the floor.
Eridan looked over at him, a mild look of concern on his face. "Well, who?" he asked, then glanced over to Nepeta. "Unless that's too private."
Nepeta gave a dismissive little wave. "I already know."
Gamzee continued to stare at the floor, his cheeks beginning to flush indigo. Eridan nudged him with his elbow. "C'mon, I'm not gonna give you shit over it or anythin'."
"Tavros," Gamzee muttered, looking away.
"Tav? The fuckin' fudgeb--" Eridan snapped, then suddenly caught himself. "Well, I mean... that's not so bad. I guess. I mean, you two are friends or somethin', right? Sorry, I get all this shit third-hand from Kar."
Gamzee slumped down in his seat. "We were, up before I went and fucked it up."
Eridan cocked an eyebrow. "What happened?"
Gamzee sighed. "I jumped the motherfuckin' gun," he said dejectedly. "Propositioned him to some sloppy makeouts down from the motherfuckin' purple. Scared the brother off."
"Aw, shit, I'm sorry, Gam," Eridan said with a supportive pat on the shoulder.
"Ain't your fault, motherfucker," Gamzee said, lightly jabbing a fist into Eridan's rib. "I'm the dumb motherfucker what fucked it all over."
"Well, wait," Eridan said and turned in his bean bag chair, leaning into it on his side, "just how bad are we fuckin' talkin' here? What did he say?"
Gamzee at last lifted his head and turned to Eridan. "That's just it, motherfucker, he didn't say shit," he said. "Just stopped motherfuckin' talkin' and signed off before a while."
"Well, that's not a fuckin' rejection," Eridan said, trying his best not to sound amused, "that's just fuckin' Tav. I mean, yeah, you probably spooked him good, but that doesn't mean the end of the fuckin' ride for you two. You might still have a chance."
"Yeah, maybe," Gamzee said, looking away again.
Eridan clamped a hand on his shoulder. "No, Gam, look at me," he said, and Gamzee complied. "I think you should fuckin' go for it. I mean, between us, we're the two loneliest brinesuckers in fuckin' paradox space. I think one of us deserves a shot at true love."
Gamzee looked him in the eyes, smiling weakly. "You think so?"
Eridan just smirked. "Motherfucker, I know so," he said, and bumped his bottle of Faygo into Gamzee's chest.
"Well, shit, brother," Gamzee said with a smile, "if that's all how you're motherfuckin' feeling over that subject, I guess I've got to up and fuckin' oblige." He looked away again. "But I don't know if I can just up and confess this shit to him."
"No, no, I'm not sayin' you should do somethin' fuckin' stupid like that," Eridan said with a sudden surge of enthusiasm. "We've got to come up with a fuckin' strategy for this shit. Plot out some big fuckin' ruse to make him fall for you." He signaled over to Nepeta. "Hell, we can even get her in on it. Don't let the cutesy facade fool you, she's fuckin' devious."
"Hee hee!" Nepeta giggled. "But really, I'd be happy to help!"
"Yeah, see?" Eridan said, turning back to Gamzee. He pointed a finger at him. "Look, you stick by me, and I'll get all your shit sorted out. Get you off the slime, get you a matesprit, shit, I'll even get you a fuckin' kismesis if you want one."
"Well, shit, brother," Gamzee said, "you'd do that for me?"
"Course, Gam," Eridan said, and raised a fist in his direction. "What are moirails for?" Gamzee smiled and raised his own, and they bunped most heartily.
Nepeta squealed and clapped--or came as close to clapping as she could with her right hand occupied by a bottle of Faygo. "That's great! You really want to be meowrails?"
"Sure, why not?" Eridan asked with a smirk. "Gives me somethin' to fuckin' do."
She turned to Gamzee. "And Gamzee, you want to, too?"
"I don't see why the fuck not, sister," Gamzee said, raising his Faygo to her. "We're just two motherfuckers lookin' out on each other."
"This is great!" Nepeta exclaimed, pumping her fists in excitement. "I think you two will be pawesome fur each other!"
"Yeah, sure we will," Eridan said, then pointed his bottle of Faygo at her. "Hey, you want to stick around? Help us with this big fuckin' scheme of ours?"
Nepeta brushed the idea off with a polite wave. "Actually, I think I've occupied enough of your time fur now. You two deserve some time alone."
"Yeah, fine, this ain't no fuckin' free show anyway," Eridan said with a dismissive wave of his own. "You got enough feelin's here to get your pale rocks off for fuckin' sweeps."
Nepeta giggled. "Yeah, it's getting me all hot and bothered, let me tell you!" She started toward the hallway leading back to the hive's entrance. "Anyway, have fun, you two!"
"Hey, Nep, before you go," Eridan started, and Nepeta stopped and turned to him. "Thanks for this."
"Yeah, thanks, sister," Gamzee said, raising his Faygo. "You're a motherfuckin' miracle all up in yourself."
Nepeta raised her own Faygo bottle in a long-distance toast. "No purroblem, you two! Just doing my job." She lowered the bottle once more and took a sip. "Oh, and I'll be making another memo soon, so be ready to post on it!"
"Yeah, yeah," Eridan said, rolling his eyes, "brag to the whole fuckin' world about givin' me a morail, I get it."
"I didn't give you a meowrail, Eridan," Nepeta replied with a smirk, "I gave you a rope."
Eridan just laughed. "Yeah, yeah, fair fuckin' point," he said, and raised his bottle of Faygo to her. "See you around, kid."
"Bye, you two!" Nepeta said with an enthusiastic wave, and finally made her way out of Gamzee's hive. As she walked away, she reflected on the whole situation. She was satisfied that yet another ship had been realized, and Eridan and Gamzee really did seem to want to help each other, but she still felt like something was missing. She stopped and turned to the hive, but still couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't until she looked into her hand that it suddenly hit her.
She needed some real fucking tea.
She turned to make her way back to her hive, tossing the half-empty bottle of Faygo behind her.
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board :33 < THE SHIPPING WALL.
CAC: *the rogue of heart suddenly bursts into the m33ting hall, the spoils of another successful ship gleaming in her hands*
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCA: look nep do wwe really havve to do this
CAC: :33 < hey! you interrupted my introduction!
CCA: god nobody evven givves a shit about your stupid introductions
CAC: :33 < more like nopawdy gives a shit about your stupid face!
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 15 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCT: D --> Language
CAC: :33 < equius, stay out of this!
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.
CCA: i mean do you really havve to announce this
CAC: :33 < why wouldnt i ameownce it?
CCA: look i just
CCA: i kinda wwant to keep the wwhole thing loww key ok
CAC: :33 < oh, well in THAT case
CAC: :OO < i am INCREDIBLY PLEASED to VERY PAWBLICALLY AMEOWNCE that ERIDAN AMPURRA and GAMZ33 MAKARA are officially MEOWRAILS!!!!
CAC: :OO < IS EFURRYPAWDY NOT INCREDIBLY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT???
CCA: god damnit
CCA: i just fuckin set myself up for that one didnt i
FUTURE twinArmageddons [FTA] 12 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTA: eheheh, yeah dude, you pretty much diid.
CCA: oh great here comes the fuckin peanut gallery noww
CCA: thank you so fuckin much for this nep
CAC: :33 < h33 h33! youre welcome!
FTA: 2o where'2 the lucky clown now?
CCA: ugh fine may as wwell drag him into this
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTC: ShIt, YeAh, I'm MoThErFuCkIn HeRe.
CTC: HoNk HoNk HoNk! :o)
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
CAC banned PCG from responding to memo.
PAST carcinoGeneticist [PCG] 1 MINUTE AGO responded to memo.
CAC banned PCG from responding to memo.
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: GOD DAMNIT, WHY DO I KEEP GETTING FUCKING BANNED.
FTA: eheheheh, ii 2ee you've dii2covered how the temporal lock2 work.
FTA: np deciided to tiighten the lea2h on you after the iinciident on the previiou2 memo.
CCG: THAT IS SO FUCKING STUPID, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.
CCG: NOW I'VE GOT TO MARCH IN PERFECT FUCKING LOCKSTEP WITH THESE MEMOS IF I EVER WANT TO RESPOND TO THEM?
FTA: liike that'2 even a fuckiing problem.
FTA: you've already been re2pondiing two them iin real fuckiing tiime from the very begiinniing, mii2ter wannabe troll hiitch.
CCG: SHUT UP.
FTA: wow, niice comeback, bro.
CCG: NO SERIOUSLY, SHUT UP, I CAME HERE FOR A REASON.
CCG: NAMELY, GAMZEE, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY MOIRAILS WITH ERIDAN NOW?
CTC: FuCk YeAh, BeSt PlAtOnIc MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd.
CTC: We PrEtTy MuCh Up AnD mAdE tHaT sHiT mOtHeRfUcKiN oFfIcIaL.
CCG: WELL THAT'S
CCG: KIND OF WEIRD, BUT OKAY, I GUESS.
FTA: 2eriiou2ly, ed, ii can't beliieve you were 2o fuckiing de2perate for company that you let np 2et you up iin a moiirallegiiance wiith thii2 fuckiing guy.
CCA: shut the fuck up sol im fuckin searious about this
CCA: ivve got all sorts of plans for this motherfucker right here
CCA: im gettin him off fuckin sopor for one fuckin thing
CCA: then wwere gonna fill all the rest a his fuckin quadrants out and basically get all his fuckin shit together
CCA: its gonna be fuckin glorious
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAT: wHOA, uH, hANG ON,
PAT: yOU'RE TAKING HIM OFF THE SLIME,
CCA: yeah thats pretty much priority fuckin one right noww
PAT: wELL, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY, bE CAREFUL,
PAT: hE TENDS TO BEHAVE A BIT, uH,
PAT: wHEN HE FORGETS TO EAT IT,
CCA: tavv i appreciate your concern and all but i think ivve got this under fuckin control
CCA: wwere in full detox mode ovver here
CCA: pretty much goin straight up cold featherbeast
CCA: evven drained the slime outta the fuckin recuperacoon
CCA: gonna fuckin suck sleepin on a pile a empty faygo bottles but its a sacrifice im wwillin to make
PAT: wAIT, yOU MEAN,
PAT: yOU STARTED ALREADY,
CCA: wwell yeah
CCA: its kinda the first thing on the fuckin agenda
CCA: dont wworry about it tavv ill take good care of him
PAT: oH, i'M SURE HE'LL BE FINE,
PAT: i WAS MORE WORRIED ABOUT, uH,
PAT: yOU, sPECIFICALLY
PAT: wELL, lOOK, iF ANYTHING BAD HAPPENS,
PAT: jUST CONTACT ME,
CCA: i think ill be fuckin fine but ok
CTC: HeY tAvBrO!
CTC: WhAt tHe FuCk Is Up My BrOtHeR?
CTC: HoNk HoNk! :o)
PAT: oH, uH, hEY gAMZEE, nOT MUCH,
PAT: i JUST GOT DONE WITH MY FIRST FEELINGS JAM WITH vRISKA,
PAT: sO THAT WAS PRETTY COOL,
CTC: AwWwWwW sHiT yEaH, bRo!
CTC: TaVbRo TaMiN tHe MoThErFuCkIn SpIdEr!
CTC: SpIlL tHaT sHiT, bRoThEr FrOm AnOtHeR gRuBmOtHeR!
PAT: hAHA, wELL,
PAT: mUCH MUTUAL CONCILIATION WAS REALIZED,
PAT: aND IT WAS VERY PRODUCTIVE FOR ALL PARTIES INVOLVED,
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PAG: Whoa, hey, Tavros, easy with the pillow talk!!!!!!!!
PAG: This is kind of priv8 stuff here!!!!!!!!
CTC: HaHaHa, SpIlL aLl ThAt ShIt, TaVbRo!
CTC: SpIlL iT lIkE a FaYgO yOu AlL sHoOk Up ToO mUcH aNd OpEnEd It!
CTC: FoAm AlL sPrAyIn EvErYwHeRe MaKiN iT rAiN a MiLlIoN mOtHeRfUcKiN mIrAcLeS dOwN uP tHe MoThErFuCkIn SkY!
CTC: SoMe Of ThAt ShIt GeTs In OnE oF yOuR pIeS aNd It'S aNoThEr MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClE aLl ItS oWn!
PAT: wELL, i DON'T WANT TO GET TOO HORNOGRAPHIC,
PAT: bUT SEVERAL FIST BUNPS WERE HAD,
PAT: aND A PILE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN INVOLVED,
PAG: Uuuuuuuugh, Tavros, you're em8arrassing me!!!!!!!!
PAT: hAHA, vRISKA, iT'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT,
PAT: aLL WE DID WAS TALK ABOUT FEELINGS,
CCA: yeah vvris
CCA: i mean gam an ivve been jammin all night ovver here
CCA: ok shit wwhen i say it that wway it sounds dirty
CCA: but seariously its not a huge deal
PAG: Sorry, I'm just kind of used to moirail stuff 8eing more intim8.
PAG: Like when your moirail m8kes a 8unch of skimpy outfits and t8kes pictures of you trying them on.
PAG: Or when you t8ke a 8ath and your moirail scru8s down your whole 8ody for you.
CAC: :33 < er
PAG: ........Neither of those are actual moirail things, are they?
CAC: :33 < no, not really!
PAG: God damn you, Kanaya!!!!!!!!
FUTURE grimAuxiliatrix [FGA] 17 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGA: I Would Say Im Sorry
FGA: But Im Seriously Not Even A Little Sorry
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, <33333333
FGA ceased responding to memo.
FTA: ugh, could you two 2eriiou2ly ju2t fuckiing 2top wiith the con2tant pda2 already?
CCG: OH WOW, SOLLUX, IS IT REALLY ANNOYING WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY FUCKING HITTING ON EACH OTHER IN THESE MEMOS???
CCG: WHATEVER COULD HAVE POSSIBLY MADE YOU FUCKING THINK THAT?????
PAG: Yeah, you're really one to fucking talk, lover8oy!!!!!!!!
PAG: Flirted with any heiresses l8ely?
FTA: the diifference between me and ff and you and kn ii2 that you're a fuckiing annoyiing biitch.
PAG: No, the difference is that me and Kanaya are m8sprits!!!!!!!!
PAG: What does that make YOU, Mr. Commitment????????
FTA: that'2 not any of your fuckiing bu2iine22, vk.
FUTURE cuttlefishCuller [FCC] 8 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCC: Yea)(, Vriska, t)(is R-E-ELY isn't t)(e time or t)(e place for t)(is, so please just let it go!
PAG: Okay, okay, I'll drop it, 8ut only for your s8ke.
PAG: Seriously, you can't let this douche8ag string you along forever.
PAG: Dropping it!!!!!!!! It's dropped!!!!!!!!
CCA: oh uh
CCA: hey fef
FCC: )(ey -Eridan.
FCC: I'm R-E-ELY )(APPY for you! And I'm glad you found anot)(er morayeel!
FCC: And I )(ope t)(ings go SWIMMINGLY for you two!
CCA: yeah thanks
CCA: look uh fef
CCA: just wwhile youre here
CCA: theres somethin i wwanted to say to you
FCC: U)(... w)(at is it?
CCA: its not anythin desperate or stupid so just hear me out ok
CCA: i just wanted to say
CCA: im really sorry for the wway i treated you wwhen wwe wwere moirails
CCA: i wwas basically a complete piece a shit to you an i nevver gavve any consideration to your feelins an you had evvery fuckin right to wwant to end it
FCC: -Eridan, t)(at's not entirely true!
CCA: no it is entirely fuckin true
CCA: i wwas a complete asshole to you and you deservved better
CCA: an i realize at this point ivve pretty much fuckin sunk all hope a you bein my matesprit
CCA: but i hope at some point wwe can at least be friends
FCC: Of course, -Eridan! I would LOV-E t)(at!
CCA: yeah i figured
CCA: but for noww i think
CCA: itd be for the best if wwe just kinda avvoided each other
CCA: not for anythin youvve done mind you
CCA: its just that right noww evvery time i think of you i think of wwhat a complete fuckin scumbag i wwas and
CAC: it hurts fef
FCC: I understand, Eridan.
FCC: Whenever you're ready to talk to me again, I'll be there.
FCC: And for the record, I'm really sorry for the way things turned out between us.
CCA: fef dont apologize it wasnt your fault
FCC: Yes it was!
FCC: Well, I mean, it was both of our faults, probably.
FCC: Look, just don't blame this whole thing entirely on yourself.
FCC: You're a great guy, Eridan. I really mean that.
FCC: I hope you and Gamzee can help each other the way we never did.
FCC: And I hope you find a matesprit who can make you happier than I ever could.
CCA: thanks fef
CCA: for the record i hope things work out with you and sol too
CCA: or whoever else youre thinkin about pursuin
FCC: Thank you, Eridan.
FCC: And whenever you want to talk to me, please feel free.
FCC: Hopefully sooner rather than later.
CCA: of course fef
FCC: But I've wasted enough of your time.
FCC: I t)(ink I'll just reef you abalone for now!
CCA: its fine really
CCA: wwait i mean reely
CCA: havve a good life fef
FCC: You too, -Eridan!
FCC: Glub glub glub! 38D
FCC ceased responding to memo.
FTA: wow, that wa2...
FTA: 2urprii2iingly mature of you, ed.
CCA: and as for you sol
CCA: lets just say this little black thing betwween us is fuckin OVVER
CCA: that ship has fuckin SAILED my friend
CCA: from noww on youll find nothin but platonic dislike from me
FTA: oh no, ed, ii'm cru2hed, really.
FTA: what could have ever cau2ed thii2 paiinful riift between u2?
CCA: i dont wwanna revveal too many details
CCA: but lets just say ivve got a kismesis in mind thatll make our little fling look like the grubs play it alwways fuckin wwas
PAG: Wow, really, Eridan?
PAG: Just who is this maaaaaaaagical h8crush of yours????????
CCA: for fucks sake vvris theres nothin fuckin magic about it
CCA: and dont evven fuckin flatter yourself thinkin its you
CCA: that ships sailed so far its fuckin sunk
CCA: its twwenty thousand leagues under the fuckin sea by noww
PAG: Hahahahahahahaha, whatever.
PAG: I'm so over our pathetic little kismesissitude, it needs a telescope to even see me.
PAG: I'm just wondering who the unlucky target's going to 8e.
CCA: not that its any of your fuckin business but im not evven the fuckin instigator here
CCA: just recently the clouds parted and dowwn from the blisterin sun descended an awwesome and terrible obsidian angel wwreathed in searin wwings a vviridian flame
CCA: then she opened her beautiful maww and wwith a single wword she completely fuckin annihilated my shit in the blackest a caliginous flames
FTA: ed, what the actual fuck are you even talkiing about.
PAG: Yeah, this is starting to sound like some kind of fucked up su8jugglator cult story.
CCA: and the best part is she doesnt evven realize wwhat the fuck she evven did
CCA: like she pretty much just threww out this amazin black solicitation in the most blatant fuckin wway possible and then just treated it like it wwas this completely innocent thing
CAC: :33 < eridan, as much as i hate to interrupt you
CAC: :33 < which is not at all
CAC: :33 < beclaws i kind of dont even like you
CAC: :33 < this really isnt the place to talk about blackrom!
CCA: yeah yeah i knoww
CCA: probably shouldnt evven be disclosin shit about it in such an obvvious fuckin wway
FTA: yeah, well, good luck wiith all that weiird 2hiit you were ju2t talkiing about.
FTA: and thanks for not beiing 2uch a fuckiing tool about me and ff.
CCA: youre not wwelcome asshole
CCA: just cause wwere not rivvals anymore doesnt mean wwere suddenly fuckin friends
FTA: ii wouldn't havve iit any other way, ed.
CCA: an good luck tryin to find somebody to fuckin replace me
PAG: Oh, I wouldn't even worry a8out that, Eridan.
PAG: Sollux is unlikea8le enough that finding some8ody that h8es him should 8e gru8's play!
FTA: oh god, vk, don't even 2tart.
PAG: That is, unless he's a complete fucking idi8 who's too stupid to know a good kismesis when he sees one!!!!!!!!
FTA: vk, for the la2t tiime, ju2t fuck off.
FTA: ii am not even iintere2ted iin you liike that.
FTA: and for fuck'2 2ake, 2top fuckiing talkiing to ff.
PAG: Why? Are you her moirail or something????????
PAG: Oh, that's right! She's just some girl to you!
PAG: So may8e YOU'RE the one who should just fuck off!!!!!!!!
FTA: vk, 2hut the fuck up!
FTA: what'2 goiing on between me and ff ii2 none of your fuckiing concern!
PAG: Well, it's o8viously none of yours, either!!!!!!!!
PAG: May8e I'm just looking out for her, you ever think a8out that????????
FTA: 2iince when are you 2o iintere2ted iin ff, anyway?
FTA: do you want to murder her, too?
PAG: Oh, you s8n of a f8cking 8ITCH!!!!!!!!
CAC: XOO < WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!
CAC: XOO < NO BLACKROM!!!
CAC banned PAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned FTA from responding to memo.
PAT: uH, wOW,
PAT: wHAT EVEN JUST HAPPENED,
PAT: sHOULD i BE CONCERNED FOR vRISKA'S SAFETY RIGHT NOW,
CCG: I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT, TAVROS.
CCG: SOLLUX IS KIND OF FUCKED UP SOMETIMES, BUT I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO TRY TO KILL HER.
CCG: IF ONLY BECAUSE IT'D GO AGAINST THE POINT HE'S TRYING TO MAKE.
CCA: ok im just gonna fuckin say it
CCA: anybody else get a fuckin bulge just from readin that
CCG: OH MY GOD NO SHUT UP.
CCA: ok ok battin dowwn the fuckin hatches here
CCA: look kar wwhile im airin shit out i may as wwell say
CCA: im sorry for bein such an annoyin piece a shit to you about this wwhole thing wwith fef
CCG: NO, MAN, DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.
CCG: YOU HAD A LOT OF EMOTIONAL WEIGHT INVESTED IN IT, AND SHE JUST KIND OF PULLED THE FUCKING RUG OUT FROM UNDER YOU.
CCG: NOW I FEEL KIND OF SHITTY FOR BEING SUCH A DICK TO YOU ABOUT IT.
CCA: kar dont be sorry
CCA: i really wwas bein a fuckin tool to you
CCA: i wwas just wworkin more a my fuckin emotional theatrics on you the wwhole fuckin time
CCA: couldnt evven drop the fuckin pretenses for a friend
CCG: ERIDAN, JUST
CCG: FORGET IT, OKAY?
CCG: I UNDERSTAND.
CCA: wwe cool
CCG: WE COOL.
CCA: thanks kar
CCA: youre a true fuckin friend
CCG: DON'T SWEAT IT.
CCG; JUST TAKE CARE OF GAMZEE, OKAY?
CCG: HE FUCKING NEEDS IT.
CTC: AnD yOu TaKe CaRe On YoUr OwN mOtHeRfUcKiN sElF, bEsT pLaToNiC mOtHeRfUcKiN fRiEnD.
CTC: HoNk. ;o)
CCG: UH, RIGHT.
CCG: SURE THING, GAMZEE.
CCG: I'LL GET RIGHT FUCKING ON THAT.
CCG: AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS OR ANYTHING, BY ALL MEANS, FEEL FUCKING FREE.
CCA: thanks kar i really appreciate it
CCG: I REALIZE THIS IS KIND OF A SHITTY THING TO ASK, GIVEN THE WHOLE SHITSTORM WITH YOU AND FEFERI
CCG: BUT ARE YOU THINKING OF LOOKING FOR ANOTHER MATESPRIT YET?
CCA: as a matter a fact i fuckin am
CCA: got a prime target in my crosshairs right fuckin noww
CCA: nep an i are devvisin such a brilliant fuckin scheme to wwin em ovver theyll nevver see it comin
CCA: wwoww fuck i just realized that wwas a really shitty wway a sayin that nevvermind
CCG: WELL SHIT, I'D LOVE TO GET IN ON THAT.
CCG: I HEAR ABOUT NEPETA PULLING ALL THESE INSANE ROMANTIC COMEDY-ESQUE SHENANIGANS AND IT GIVES ME THE WEIRDEST FUCKING BULGE.
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, what?
CCG: WAIT, SHIT
CCG: I JUST REALIZED THAT WAS LIKE COMPELTELY THE WRONG FUCKING WAY TO SAY THAT.
CAC: :33 < well, id love fur you to get involved, karkitty!
CAC: :33 < but this purrticular plan is r3333ally complicated already!
CAC: :33 < there are already a lot of people involved
CAC: :33 < im afurraid if i try to add any more, itll all collapse upawn itself!
CCG: JEGUS, YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A FUCKING DIAMOND HEIST.
CCG: GODDAMN IT WHY DID I JUST SAY JEGUS
CAC: :33 < h33 h33!
CAC: :33 < well, it kind of is!
CAC: :33 < except a diamond isnt the purrticular jewel were after!
CCG: YEAH YEAH, THE REAL TREASURE IS THE HEART OF THE GIRL, OR SOME OTHER SHITTY METAPHOR LIKE THAT, I GET IT.
CAC: :33 < actually, the jewel metafur is slightly more literal in this case
CAC: :33 < but only a little!
CAC: :33 < im giving too much away already!
CAC: :33 < just wait!
CAC: :33 < itll be clawrious, youll s33!
CCG: OKAY, MORE CAGEY BULLSHIT, GOTCHA.
CCG: WELL, IF YOU EVER WANT TO WORK ON SOME ZANY PLOT TOGETHER, HIT ME THE FUCK UP.
CCG: I WILL GLADLY BE THE TROLL KEVIN JAMES TO YOUR TROLL WILL SMITH.
CAC: :33 < wow, karkitty, im flattered!
CCG: RIGHT, WHATEVER.
CCG: ERIDAN, DON'T FUCK UP TOO BADLY WITH GAMZEE.
CCG: GAMZEE, DON'T ANNOY ERIDAN TOO MUCH.
CCG: TAVROS, UH... NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO SAY TO YOU.
PAT: i DON'T KNOW, mAYBE,
PAT: dON'T LET vRISKA KILL OR MAIM ME AGAIN,
CCG: AHAHAHAHA YES, THAT IS THE PERFECT THING TO SAY, GOOD WORK.
CCG: AND NEPETA, KEEP FUCKING SHIPPING.
CAC: :33 < sir yes sir!
CCG: AND FOR GOD'S SAKE
CCG: PLEASE NEVER STOP SAYING THAT WHENEVER I GIVE YOU AN ORDER.
CAC: :33 < h33 h33, sir yes sir!!
CCG: YOU DIDN'T ASK, BUT YES, ADDING THE GIGGLE IS ACCEPTABLE.
CCG: ANYWAY, I'M THE FUCK OUT.
CCG ceased responding to memo.
PAT: yEAH, i SHOULD PROBABLY GO, tOO
PAT: vRISKA'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE FUMING ABOUT sOLLUX SOON,
PAT: sO i'LL NEED TO, uH,
PAT: cALM HER DOWN ABOUT THAT,
CTC: AwWwWwW sHiT, tAvBrO's AbOuT tO gEt HiS mOtHeRfUcKiN pAlEbRo On!
CTC: EvAcUaTe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN pReMiSeS, bEcAuSe SoMe SeRiOuS mOtHeRfUcKiN cOnCiLiAtIoN iS aBoUt To Go ThE fUcK dOwN!!
PAT: hAHA, yEAH,
PAT: tHANKS, gAMZEE,
PAT: aND i REALLY HOPE YOUR MOIRALLEGIANCE WORKS OUT,
CCA: yeah thanks tavv
CCA: it seems like you an gam are really good fuckin friends
CCA: so hopefully wwe can talk more
PAT: uH, yEAH, sURE,
PAT: sO, gOOD LUCK TO YOU TWO,
PAT: aND i KNOW i ALREADY SAID THIS,
PAT: bUT, bE CAREFUL WITH THE SOPOR,
CCA: yeah of course
PAT: oKAY, wELL,
PAT ceased responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < okay, well, that about wraps up this memo!
CAC: :33 < unless either of you have anything else to say
CCA: nah not really
CTC: YeAh, We'Re PrEtTy MuCh MoThErFuCkIn GoOd, CaTsIs.
CTC: ExCePt MaYbE fOr AnOtHeR cHaNcE tO uP aNd SaY tHaNkS fOr AlL tHiS sHiT aGaIn.
CCA: yeah sure lets go wwith that
CCA: thanks for settin all this up
CAC: :33 < hey, no purroblem!
CAC: :33 < just following my orders! ;33
CCA: but yeah thats it
CAC: :33 < great!
CAC: :33 < so i guess we can just close efurrything up here!
CCA: oh god youre not gonna do a stupid fuckin closin roleplayin narration are you
CAC: :33 < hey, screw you, my narrations are pawesome!
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 18 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCT: D --> Nepeta, language
CAC: :33 < equius, this doesnt even concern you, so just SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
PCT: D --> Hrrrrk
CCA: yeah eq if your fuckin moirail wwants to insult me she can damn wwell use wwhatevver fuckin language she wwants
CCA: so wwhy dont you just mind your owwn fuckin business
CAC: :33 < yeah, equius!
PCT: D --> I
PCT: D --> But
PCT: D --> This is
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < ugh, now i dont even f33l like doing a narration!
CAC: :33 < thanks a lot, eridan, you stupid douche!
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 17 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.
CCA: im doin you a fuckin favvor those things are embarrassin
CAC: :33 < well maybe i dont want any favors furom you!
CCA: wwell seein as i owwe you one youre gonna fuckin get it
CAC: :33 < ugh, this is so stupid!!
CAC: :33 < now i dont even know how to end this memo!
CAC: :33 < so im just banning efurryone!
CAC banned CCA from responding to memo.
CAC banned CTC from responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < howd the opawning narration even go?
CAC: :33 < something about bursting into the room with treasure
CAC: :33 < oh fuck it, im just banning myself
CAC banned herself from responding to memo.
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 16 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCT: D --> NEPE
PCT: D --> Oh
PCT: D --> Um
PCT: D --> Fiddlesti%
CAC banned PCT from responding to memo.
CAC closed memo.