It was really a stunning animal: a cream-colored Siamese with blue-gray markings and crystal-blue eyes to match. It was long and sleek and resembled nothing so much as a miniature panther as it lounged and stalked around the mansion, owning whatever space it occupied.
Tony hated it, not only because it was a bitchy little thing, but also because Thor had named it Loki. Yes, after their crazy, magic wielding, evil nemesis. Actually, he thought, Loki was an appropriate name for it, as that comely visage hid the heart of a demon from the darkest pits of hell.
Oh, sure, Loki was pretty and so very sweet to everyone, but Tony knew better. The little bastard had pooped in his shoes last week.
"Loki's such a well behaved kitty," Natasha cooed (Cooed! The woman who took joy in taking shots at Tony's crotch during training! Cooing!) as she stroked the cat's ears. "He probably didn't do it on purpose."
"He is a mischievous one, is he not!" Thor exclaimed with pride as Loki purred and draped himself across the god's shoulders like a mink stole.
"He's a cat, Tony," said Steve, giving a soothing pat to Tony shoulder with one hand while he flicked a feather-on-a-string toy around with the other. "He's kind of mentally incapable of plotting against you."
"So you say, wonder boy," huffed Tony as he watched Loki bound around after the toy. The cat snapped hisjaws around the feather and, with an honest to god evil look, locked eyes with Tony and crunched the thing between his teeth.
Incapable his ass.
He tried catching it in the act, really tried. He set up motion detectors, cameras, and alarms. He even spent a whole afternoon following Loki around the mansion. But nothing worked; Loki danced around the detectors, slid through the cameras' blind spots, never tripped the alarms, and flat out escaped from Tony.
Hellspawn, that's what that thing was.
The final straw came one night, after a fierce battle with The Damn Cat's namesake. Tony came stumbling into his room and fell into bed, not even bothering to take off the jumpsuit he wore under his armor. He was about to drift off when a very plaintive hiss sounded in his ear. He was about the reach out and swat Loki the Cat off the bed when that hiss was answered by a whole chorus of squeaks and mews. Very slowly, Tony lifted his head and reluctantly opened his eyes.
And there was Loki, seated like a king... no, a queen, on Tony's eiderdown pillow, with five white kittens nestled up to her belly.
Tony stood up and hollered out the door.
The god came thundering up the stairs, a spark of battle-lust still in his eyes.
"What is it, Stark? Is all well?"
"Congratulations, Thor. You're a granddaddy. I'm sleeping in your room tonight," Tony growled, and shuffled off to Thor's room. He shut the door just in time to hear Thor's exclamation of joy when he found the kittens.