Masterful Illusions

by Valyrianrhythms

Summary:

Evander Dyer is not your average sixteen year old boy - the son of a rich and powerful family, surrounded by insane friends and relatives, and if that weren't enough to be getting on with, he also just happens to be a Wizard. Luckily he has his best friends James Potter, Fiana Hayden, and Cassie McAllister to help him figure out life at Hogwarts. But nothing is ever simple, and as the hourglass turns, sparks begin to fly. Magical-AU set in the 2020s featuring various members of the next generation, updating every wednesday.

Chapter 1: Tom Brown has nothing on us

Summary:

In which we meet our protagonist and take a trip down memory lane.

A summer breeze was blowing. It was a rather pleasant and calm breeze as they go, polite, thoughtful, unlikely to make curtains billow in that particularly annoying manner hated by all those trying to read near windows. Indeed, as breezes went, it was something of a tame little thing. It blew across the Kentish coast from the Atlantic Ocean, breezing over the golden moonlit dunes and west across the wild hills, moors, woods and farms until it reached the small village of Aldington. It meandered through the streets of the town and on past a low range of wooded hills, passing an imposing gate before rambling up a marble drive leading to a rather lavish, even palatial, manor house. As it rustled the leaves of a rather magnificent oak tree, a tall, dark headed boy appeared at the nearby window – just in time to wince at the sound of a resounding crash loud enough to stun a storm-driven gale, let alone a polite summer breeze.

With a sigh, the boy shut the window and drew the blue velvet curtains. It was 9 o’clock on a balmy summer’s night, like many others – dark, nightish, starlit etcetera – and Evander Dyer was shut up in his room, in a vain attempt to gain some peace and quiet. Indeed, Evander (Evan, to those who didn’t want their faced hexed off) wasn’t a particularly quiet boy. Indeed, it could be said by those with a politer disposition that he was on occasions an amusingly exuberant and boisterous individual, and by those with more biting tongues, that he was an obnoxiously loud and smart-mouthed git. He was quite willing to admit this, cheerfully even; however the general war being waged between his younger siblings Elijah and Eleanor was tiresome enough, as it strode quickly towards a battle royale of rather grandiose proportions, that even he had been forced to retreat to the veritable sanctuary of his bed-room.

As another almighty crash shook the house, he winced again, and dryly wondered if they would in fact leave any furniture intact for the paid-house elves to reparate following the fallout from his sibling’s heated argument that had been started, as far as Evan could tell, over a missing sock. As he heard his mother finally begin chastising her screaming offspring, it occurred to him now, as it had often before, that they were rather lucky to not have neighbours within screaming distance, as they would inevitably call the muggle please-men or whatever they were called, out of concern for the well being of the Dyer household. As the noise level downstairs began to increase with the entrance of his father and older brother into the general mêlée, Evan became acutely aware of just how glad he would be to get away from the mad-house he called home.

“Just one more night,” Evan muttered to himself. “One more bloody night.”

Indeed, the following day would see Evan fleeing from his at-times psychotic pureblood family, into the welcoming arms of his best friend James’ household. He thanked Merlin for the small miracle granted to him in the shape of the less vocally-demonstrative insanity of the Potter family, and the peace and quiet it would bring him for the rest of the summer holidays before the start of his Sixth Year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

He was honest enough with himself to admit, that even at sixteen, Evan was giddily excited to be seeing his best friends the following day. James Potter, Fiana Hayden, Cassie McAllister and himself had all been friends since meeting (as so many best friends do) on the Hogwarts Express on the first day of their first year. The friendship had been galvanised by the sorting of all four of them into Gryffindor House, to the point that even after a few short weeks, he missed them like a buttock lost in a duel.

Thinking of his friends, he absently wandered over to his bedside table to pick up the large wizarding photograph of the quartet, goofing off and waving at the camera in the common room. He smiled to himself as he watched James and Fiana pull faces at a rather harassed looking Cassie, much to photograph-Evan’s amusement.

As he smiled down at the scene of general mirth and camaraderie, he once again thanked Saint Vivian of the Lake, that the Fates had contrived for him to meet his three best friends on that first day of Hogwarts. As he lay back on his bed, still looking at the photo, he thought back to that first day with his friends…

~*//Flashback//*~

The day had started the same as any other Evan had experienced in his short life – that is to say, with a loud crack and a burst of blinding light as Twinky (his mother’s paid House Elf) apparated into his bedroom and perfunctorily opened the curtains to let in the day. In a state of almost feverish excitement, he’d dressed and then run down stairs to eat his breakfast with his parents and siblings.

“Morning, Nico. Excited are you?” his father, Erasmus, had asked him over his paper, sparing an amused look at his son’s excited quivering.

“Morning Dad!” he’d said cheerfully, buttering his toast. “I nearly couldn’t get to sleep!”

“My,” his father had said, eyes twinkling. “That certainly is quite a feat for someone as committed to his sleep as you are.”

“Now, now Erasmus,” his mother Sigrid said, smiling, as she walked into the dining room. “Leave the mocking of the children ‘til after breakfast”

“Yes Dad,” his older brother Eugene had put in wryly. “You don’t want ickle van van’s getting so excited he’ll wet himself”

”Why?” his mother replied, eyebrow raised. “Do you want to remain the only Dyer in the last 600 years to maintain that particular privilege? Because really dear, there are so many other ridiculous traditions you could adhere to in its stead.”

“MUM!” his brother had yelled in a strangled tone, whilst turning a delicious shade of red. “I THOUGHT WE DIDN’T TALK ABOUT THAT!”

“Oh… my mistake dear,” she’d said placidly.

Smiling into his toast, Evan had just known this was going to be a good day.

By the time the six Dyer’s had arrived at Kings Cross Station in London, having first travelled by Floo to the family’s Town House in Kensington, Evan had been almost beside himself. As they walked through the crowded station, towards the divider between platforms nine and ten, he suddenly became apprehensive as to whether or not the divider would let him through, and said so to his brother. Laughing, Eugene had grabbed his hand and together they’d passed through the barrier and come out on platform nine and three quarters, in full view of the sparkling red steam engine.

He turned to see his parents and younger siblings emerge at a more sedate pace, and suppressed a groan as he saw that his parents were deeply involved with several fellow Ministry high-ups. His dissatisfaction was replaced almost instantly when his brother nudged him and informed him that the black-haired man speaking animatedly with his father was none other than the legendary Harry Potter, whilst his mother was talking to equally famous former Harpies Quidditch Captain Ginny Potter. As the group moved towards him, he noticed for the first time that accompanying them was a vaguely familiar boy pushing a trolley.

As the group reached him (his brother having fled at sight of the Man Who Defeated Voldemort) his mother smiled at him and said, “Evander! Do you remember James? I seem to remember the two of you hanging about together at a couple of Ministry galas.”

“Uhhh… yes,” he said, giving James an awkward smile. “I think I do.”

“Wonderful Jamie,” Mrs. Potter exclaimed “You will have someone to talk to; Teddy won’t have to curse your eyebrows off!”

“Mum,” James had pleaded “Please don’t embarrass me in front of everyone!”

“C’mon James,” Mr. Potter said grinning at Evan “This lad seems an alright sort, I work with his mother.”

“Ah, thankyou sir,” Evan said, feeling rather like a stupefied plimpy waiting to be gutted by an industrious House Elf.

“Indeed,” his father smiled at them. “Well, why don’t you boys go and find your compartment and stow your trunks?”

“Uh, sure dad, yeah,” he said, suddenly shy. “We’ll go do that now shall we?”

Thankfully James appeared to feel the same way, as he nodded and replied with a dimpled smile. “Yeah, sure, let’s go find a compartment.”

As they boarded the train the two boys turned to each other and said at exactly the same time:

“I’m really sorry about that.”

They laughed nervously at each other and walked down the train together.

“So, your name is… Evander?” James queried. “I’m pretty sure I do remember seeing you at a couple of those boring parties”

“Ha, just Evan, please I don’t need to be reminded of my parent’s ridiculous love for old fashioned names starting with the letter ‘E’,” Evan replied smiling

“Message received and understood” James said laughing, before pointing to an empty compartment where they could stow their luggage. “Does that look okay to you?”

“Yeah, fine,” said Evan gratefully. “Looks good.”

They stowed their trunks and stood their looking awkwardly at each other

“So ah, you don’t mind do you,” James asked nervously. “Being stuck with me that is?”

“No! I’m just glad that I’ll know someone outside my family,” said Evan. “Maybe we can be, friends? If you’d like, that is.”

“I think I would, yeah,” James grinned at him. “Let’s go see the ‘rent’s off.”

*

As the train moved out of London, James or “Jamie” and Evan became more and more animated and friendly in their conversation. Evan hoped it was a good sign, because he really rather liked the other boy, and found himself opening up very easily to him. They talked about their families, their homes, their likes and dislikes, and of course, Quidditch. They were just getting into a rather animated discussion of the last World Cup match between Australia and Canada, when the unmistakable sound of panicked hyperventilation reached them, a second before the door to their compartment flew open to reveal two girls – a tall honey-blond haired one hyperventilating over something and a shorter, pretty, white-blond who was comforting the panic stricken one.

“E-Ex-c-cuse me,” said the tall panic-stricken one. “D-do you mind if we s-sit in here? Everywhere else if f-full!”

Taking into account the pure distress radiating from the panicked girl, as well as the shy, apologetic look the shorter blond girl was shooting at them, James and Evan looked at each other and replied in unison “Uh, Sure”

The two girls moved in with their trunks and stowed them in the luggage racks.

“Oh, I’m Fiana Hayden, by the way. And this is my friend Cassie McAllister,” the blond girl, Fiana said.

James and Evan reacted in the only acceptable way for eleven year old boys to act when faced by two carriers of the dreaded girl-germs: they moved to one side of the carriage, fortifying themselves into a defensive position in case the girls decided to turn them to stone, or eat their livers or something.

As Fiana and Cassie sat down opposite them, Evan felt James nudge him and fighting down his apprehension, he smiled and said: “Umm, Hi. My name’s Evander. Evander Nicodemus Dyer. Pleased to meet you”

Cassie stopped mid-calming breath and blinked at him in shock – rather like a Fwooper upon suddenly finding itself without a silencing charm.

“What, did you say your name was?” she asked, with a slight tone of incredulity.

“Ahhh, Muggle-born,” thought Evan.

“My name’s Evander Nicodemus Dyer, Evan for short,” he said to her, and seeing her continued look of mystification. “It’s a pureblood name… Evander after my dad’s grandfather, Nicodemus after my mum’s dad”

“Oh… sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,” she said. “I’ve just never heard anyone with a name as weird as mine before”

“Oh?” James asked “What’s your full name then? I’m James Sirius Potter, by the way”

Fiana did a little double-take, and Evan smiled at her, she looked like she would be fun to hang out with.

“My name’s Cassandra Evangeline Mafilicent Andrea McAllister,” Cassie said. “Cassie for short.”

“You can call me Fi for short if you like,” Fiana piped in

They sat there, nodding stupidly at each other for a moment or two before Evan piped up with a question: “So, Cassie, Fi? Are you from Wizarding families? Muggle families?”

“Errrr, I’m a half-blood,” Fiana said. “My dad’s from an old Wizarding family, but my mum’s a muggle-born.”

Before either Jamie or Evan could respond, Cassie made a slightly frantic noise somewhere between a sob and a giggle and began to babble. “I’m uh, a muggle born, I had no idea about magic until I got my letter! I’m so glad I went to school with Fi here though, we went to school over in Westminster you know, quite a nice place, have you been there? I was so proud of myself when I got in! But I guess I’m going to Hogwarts now, so I guess that’s better. Or at least I think that’s better, I can’t be sure. Fi says it’s one of the best Magic Schools in the world, but I don’t really know anything about the other schools or even if there are any so I can’t be sure but yes, I’m a Muggle born. How about you two? Are you from wizard families? And how do you know each other? Did you go to school together?” she came to a stop rather unexpectedly, and Evan turned to blink at an equally mystified Jamie, before turning back to look at Cassie, taking note of the apologetic look Fiana was giving them.

 “Merlin’s Beard!” Evan thought as he hazily tried to restructure the mass of nervous babbling that Cassie had just sprouted at him. Before he could however, Jamie waded in

“Um, I’m from a Wizarding Family,” he said “Both my parents went to Hogwarts, and so did my Grandparents. Not that it matters really.” he finished, giving them both a grin.

“I’m from an old Wizarding family too,” Evan added “Although only my mum went to Hogwarts. I have no idea what my parents will do if I’m not placed in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw!”

“Heh, I don’t think my parents really mind, to be honest,” said James.

“Yeah, mine aren’t too fussed either,” Fi added placidly, as she reached into her trunk and got out a Muggle fantasy-novel.

“Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, what are those?” said Cassie with a rising note of hysteria in her voice (Evan was privately beginning to think that she was, like her namesake, rather prone to hysterics)

“They’re Houses,” Evan replied. “Two of the four school Houses at Hogwarts. The other two are Slytherin and Hufflepuff. My mum was in Ravenclaw, and my older brother and cousins are in Gryffindor.”

“Oh, okay,” said Cassie, calming down. “Which house would you like to be in?”

James and Evan looked at each other and grinned “Gryffindor!” they both said.

*

The rest of the journey had passed pleasantly. The three of them had taught Cassie to play exploding-snap, with a promise to teach her gobstones later, and by the time they’d changed into their school robes, crossed the lake with the eccentric Professor Finnegan, and been marched into a waiting room, the four of them had become fast friends.

Professor Creevey, walked back into the room, and led them out into the Great Hall, where the first years stared awe struck at the bewitched ceiling, and the hundreds of students looking up at them. They formed a line, and after an eccentric song by the sorting hat, describing the nature and virtues of the four houses, the sorting began in earnest.

Evan was the first out of the four to be called. As he walked towards the head of the hall, he saw his brother and two cousins wave to him lazily from the Gryffindor table, and he smiled back at them queasily. Finally, he sat down on the three legged stool, taking the sorting hat from the Professor. Once it was on his head, a small voice in his ear spoke to him:

“My, another Dyer eh?” the hat said. “Very difficult to place: a lot of talent, brains, loyalty, oh my yes. But I think I know exactly where you should be! I’ll put you in: GRYFFINDOR!” the last part being yelled to the entire hall.

Sighing with relief, Evan walked down to the Gryffindor table to much applause and sat next to his cousin Amelie, who gave him a hug. Looking up, he smiled at his friends, and began to enjoy the ceremony.

The next from their little quartet to be called was Fiana. She walked up to three legged stool and placed the hat on her head, and after a considerable amount of time, the hat shouted “GRYFFINDOR!” to the waiting students, a decision applauded by the Gryffindors on the far right.

Next to be called was Cassie, who like Fiana, walked to the front and placed the hat on her head. Almost instantly the hat came to a decision, and much to Evan’s relief shouted “GRYFFINDOR!” once again. He watched Cassie walk shakily down to join Fiana and himself, along with the rest of the Gryffindors.

By this point, James was looking particularly pale, so Evan gave him a thumbs up. James smiled back rather sickly and seemed impatient as he waited for several more people until finally his name was called and he sat down and put the sorting hat on his head.

Surprisingly, at least from Evan’s point of view, the hat took quite a while to decide where to place Jamie. Considering the reputation held by both the Potters and the Weasleys as all-Gryffindor families, it was nearly five minutes before the sorting hat finally yelled “GRYFFINDOR!” much to Evan’s excitement and relief. As James sat down next to him at the Gryffindor table he turned to Evan and said “That was kin-

~*//Flashback//*~

“OI! OI!”

“Merlins saggy balls Nico! You were fucking gone then!” his brother, Elijah said to him

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Evan replied “I was just reminiscing”

“Huh, well it took me three goes to get you to wake up, Troll Brains,” his brother replied moodily. “Mum says you should probably go to bed, since you’ll be leaving early in the morning.”

“Yeah,” Evan said, suddenly realising just how sleepy he was “I might to do that. ‘Night”

“Okay weirdo,” his brother said “Night then”

Evan smiled brightly at his brother (confusing him) and shut the door. As he got undressed and climbed into his bed, he couldn’t help but think that tomorrow was going to be a rather excellent day.   

Notes:

This is a work I've been working on a while, and I've finally been bullied into putting it out into the net. Comments are always welcome and constructive criticism is gladly received.

Chapter 2: Clear as mud

Summary:

In which Evan arrives at the Potters, things are awkward, Quidditch is played, and an epiphany is had.

Evan was jolted awake at approximately 6:15am by the familiar crack of Twinky the House Elf and the burst of stabbing, blinding light that the noise always heralded. It was fair to say that Evan did not, in actual fact, particularly like Twinky – especially when considered that whilst his brothers and he were woken rather brusquely, his parents and sister were woken by cups of tea, biscuits and an annoyingly simpering voice. In all honesty, this fact was probably at least partly derived from the time his brothers and himself had hidden from Twinky (causing her to panic beyond all normal definitions of the word) for six hours. However, Evan chose to ignore this, and focused simply on his quiet hatred of the insufferable creature.

As he got out of bed, and began getting dressed (all the time grumbling darkly about the idiotic nature of certain female house elves) Wonky, his father’s slightly demented and charmingly insane (and thus, in Evan’s opinion; superior) House Elf appeared and began to happily repack Evan’s school trunk with all the things Twinky had “forgotten” to pack, all the while chattering to Evan cheerfully about the conspiracy being orchestrated by the Dyer’s second best silver-wear to murder the best silver-wear and assume the vacated spot of utensilic supremacy.

Evan nodded at Wonky, and then blanched, as he realised that if one of Wonky’s conspiracy theories were making sense, then he either needed a stiff drink, or to eat breakfast. Thus, thanking the Elf, he took his leave and wandered downstairs.

As he reached the large, imposing dining room, he found his mother already there in her elegantly tailored business-robes.

“Morning sweetie,” his mother said looking up from her copy of The Weekend Quibbler. “Did you sleep well?”

“Morning Mum,” he yawned at her “I slept pretty well actually, it was more the crack and blind that was a bit bollocksed.”

His mother smiled placidly “I am so glad, that my children chose to ignore the annoyingly refined mannerisms of their grandparents for the ‘bollocksed’ speech of my London youth,” she said, grinning at him

Evan smiled, and adopted a ridiculously pompous tone “It is not our fault that our mother was an unmitigated floozy who lifted her robes to the first pretty boy that gave her a wink is it?”

His mother laughed, adopting a broad Londoner accent “Sit down and eat ya grapefruit, prog”

“Now, now Mrs. Dyer, Evan sweetie,” said Skanky the kitchen-elf in her squeaky voice. “Let us not degenerate into accents, lest we wake the entire house and Twinky gets shut in the cupboard by Wonky for the rest of the day again on account of ‘general bitchiness and mean spirited cooperation with the second-rate cutlery’ hmm?”

“Yes Skanky,” Evan and his mother said meekly.

The rest of the meal passed without incident – unless the bouncing crash, scream, fist-cuffing and slam of a cupboard door heralding Wonky’s decision to throw Twinky down the stairs and lock her in the magic lined closet for ‘General Tartiness, Rudeness and conspiracy to poison the water supply of West London with crab-apple scones’ was taken into account. Or else the entrance of a very tussle-haired and smug looking Eugene, covered in love bites from his late night ‘visit’ to the Davies household.

“My,” Evan quipped, quirking his eyebrow “Sarah certainly does appreciate those visits of yours.”

“I feel it is my duty, brother-mine,” Eugene smirked at him. “To endow as much, happiness, as I possibly can.”

“Oh, ‘happiness’ is it?” his mother asked “In my day we just called it shaggin–”

“MUM!” Evan and Eugene choked

“My, so highly-strung,” his mother said, smiling into her tea.

“So, uh anyway,” Eugene said focusing resolutely on Evan and not Evan was sure, of the definitely unwanted mental-images in his head. “Aren’t you off to the Potter’s today?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Awww,” his brother said, smiling at him. “I’ll miss you, little brother”

“Really?” Evan replied, grinning impishly

“Yes actually. You’re fun enough to have around I suppose”

“Oh well, thank you Brother-mine. Really it’s because you’ll miss my ability to stop Edmund and Eleanor mid-fight by covering them in slime, or trapping them in a murder-hole, isn’t it?”

Eugene groaned “Oh Merlin, Mordred and Nimueh! I hadn’t thought of that! You sure you can’t stay?”

“Seriously, Gene, if they get too much, just turn all of Nora’s clothes into newts”

The identical grins of pure, malevolent, evil that the two boys shared were so strong that Skanky dropped the plate of crumpets she was carrying, screamed and ran to hide in the kitchen cupboard.

*

By 9:30 the Dyer Household that was willing (Evan’s parents and older brother) had awoken and been fed. The last of the items that Twinky had hidden were accounted for (Including all of Evan’s school-robes, which had been craftily hidden behind the bust of Sebastian the Suitably Epic in the very back of the attic), Skanky had been coaxed out of the cupboard, Wonky was suitably distracted by teaching the paintings drinking songs, and Evan was ready to leave.

Funky, the Butler-elf, walked forward and disapparated Evan’s Trunk to the Potter House and then, to the sound of the Portraits singing Maggie May, threw some floo into the fireplace. Hugging his parents and brother goodbye, Evan stepped into the fireplace and said “Potter’s Eyrie”.

Evan was engulfed in the familiar green-tinged swirling of fireplaces, before landing in the familiar lounge room of the Potter House. He had just got up and was getting his bearing when he was suddenly bowled over with and a shout of “EVAN!” and a rib-crunching hug from his best friend James.

“I’VE MISSED YOUUUU!” James crooned at him, crushing him into carpet

“Ugh James? Ribs… Please? I need them” Evan panted

“Oh, yeah,” James said grinning like a maniac. “That too,” he got off Evan and grinned at him.

“God James,” Drawled the unmistakable voice of James’ younger sister Lily. “You could at least wait ‘til you’ve got him alone before you attempt to roger him”

“Lily!” Evan said, quickly before Wizarding War Three broke out. “You get bitchier every time I see you! Have you been working out?”

“Yes,” she smirked, coming forward and giving him a quick hug. “On James actually, it’s working rather well for me.”

“I’ll say,” Evan replied.

“Gosh Dyer,” said James dryly. “I give you an awesome greeting and you just put me down.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Potter,” teased Evan, giving his friend a hug “You know I love you, really”

Lily was making retching noises as the rest of the Potters entered.

Mrs. Potter came forward and warmly gave him a hug.

“How are you, Evan?” she asked smiling at him.

“Good thanks, Mrs. Potter”

”Ginny, please, I’ve told you before dear.”

“Okay Ginny,” he smiled at her. “I forgot.”

Mr. Potter came forward and grinned at him in much the same way that James was “Alright Ev?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, you?” Evan asked him

“Fine, fine, just preparing to go and watch your mother make some opponents to Muggle-rights sob like little girls.”

“Oh yeah, she told me about that this morning. She was getting into practice with Eugene and I, she sassed us so badly I think my face still needs some Weasley’s All-Purpose Healing Balm.”

“Excellent,” Mr. Potter grinned maliciously “I can’t wait to watch her wipe the floor with these idiots, excuse me.”

As Harry left, Evan spotted Albus hanging back and gave him a disarming grin.

“Hey Al,” he said genially. “How are you?”

The younger boy blushed and muttered something about turnips before fleeing the room.

Shaking his head slightly, he turned back to his friend. “Soooooo,” he drawled at James “Guess who got a new Thunderball as a late birthday present?”

James’ face dropped in the most delicious manner possible, and Lily gave an envious sigh. Even Ginny gave him an impressed look.

“Right,” she said decisively “back orchard, let’s have a look at this broom of yours”

*

Fiana and Cassie were late. They had meant to arrive around about 11 o’clock, all going well, and everything had been fine on Fiana’s end. She had been ready(ish) and packed(ish) by 7 o’clock, and had taken the floo to Cassie’s House in Essex. That had been where the trouble started.

When Fiana had arrived at Cassie’s, she hadn’t been greeted by a packed and ready to leave Cassie, No indeed, she had been met by a Cassie that was more or less sat in front of the television, squeeing over an anime called “Kannazuki No Miko”. When Fiana, had walked up to Cassie, hugged her and told her that they needed to get from Essex to Somerset in four hours, the flailing had started. The problem was that the usually prompt Cassie had a) gotten the time mixed up, and b) spent the night at her girlfriend Celeste’s House. All in all, this had not boded particularly well for Fiana.

The flailing had, in all honesty, been some of the best Fiana had ever seen Cassie perform. This particular flail-attack transcended those that occurred the time that James and Evan had fed an unknowing and unsuspecting Cassie every-flavoured beans, the time Fiana had turned Cassie’s hair blue, the time Lily had turned love letters from Celeste into bats, and the time on Halloween during second year when Evan, Fiana, James, Eugene and Teddy had trapped everyone in the school inside a Hogwarts-wide simulation of the Lord of the Rings. In all truthfulness, it was flailing of tremendously epic proportions, and it didn’t even include Professor McGonagall shouting “FOR GONDOR” to the amassed Hogwarts horde.

However, as Cassie’s father, Braxton, pulled up the tree-lined drive to the Potter House at one o’clock in the afternoon, Fiana admitted to herself that things could have been far worse. She could have had parents named Braxton and Ursula-Theodosia, for example.

Thanking Cassie’s parents, Fiana and Cassie walked up the drive, and were let into the house by Albus, James’ brother, who grinned at them.

“Hullo you two,” he said genially “You’re a bit late. And oh, covered in love bites I see Cas, well, at least you had a good night then I have no doubt.”

Cassie turned bright red and opened her mouth to say something. Fiana cut her off.

“Where is everyone, we’re not that late?”

“They’re out back orgasming over Evander’s new Thunderball,” Albus replied.

“Really?” Fiana said excitedly “He got a Thunderball? Oh wow!”

They left their trunks in the lounge room and headed outside, passing underneath the trees of the clearing, over the brook, past the tool shed and swimming pool, and into the orchard. As they rounded the corner, they came across James, Evan, Lily and Ginny playing a spirited game of two-a-side Quidditch. It was James and Lily versus Evan and Ginny. Predictably, Evan and Ginny were flattening their opposition. This was partly because Lily and James were snapping at each other, partly because Evan and Ginny were excellent players, and partly because James was too busy commentating to actually play the game properly. Fiana rolled her eyes.

“You,” she shouted at James “are so goddamned conceited.”

James fell off his broom. Everyone, including James found this hilarious. They decided to do lunch.

*

The four Potters, Evan, Fiana and Cassie sat in the warm kitchen eating lunch and generally enjoying each other’s company, well, apart from Lily and James. “But then, you could never tell with those two,” Evan thought, sometimes they just did it for the attention. Nevertheless he placed a bet on Lily winning in the notebook that Albus kept on his person at all times.

"So, anything interesting happen in your holidays so far?" Fiana asked him.

"Oh, you know, the usual," Evan replied, as James, Cassie and the rest of the Potters looked up at him questioningly. "My siblings had another epic fight last night. They knocked over my grandfather's statue of Demetrius the Delightfully Demented, shattered six of my mother’s ugliest wedding-gift vases, and broke a window. I'm not sure if my parents were more angry or relieved to be honest.”

“Oh?” Cassie asked. “Why’s that?”

“Well, they only destroyed things that we don’t like. I mean seriously… Demetrius the Delightfully Demented makes Uric the Oddball and Gwendolyn the Weird look like normal, functioning individuals. Oh, and that American couple tried to buy the Manor again"

"Again?" Ginny asked. "Surely your father could just oblivate them, and you wouldn’t have to be bothered by them again"

"I don't know," Evan replied "I honestly think he just finds them amusing, plus it annoys my Grandmother no end."

“How is Madame Dyer,” Ginny asked “She hasn’t thrown any parties lately, or anyone out any windows, come to think of it.”

“Oh you know, still kicking. Still inviting the single daughters of her old biddy friends and trying to hook them up with my father whenever she’s in the country.”

Cassie frowned “Does she not realise that your father loves your mother very dearly and vice versa?” she asked.

“Apparently the fact that my mother is only a Chant isn’t good enough. The Chants are German and Danish and have only been a certified pureblood family for 15 generations,” Evan replied. “Apparently that isn’t long enough for the old crone.”

“But she’s proud of you, isn’t she?” asked Lily

“Oh yes, immensely” he replied. “But apparently that’s because we favour the Dyer stock”

“Does she ever tell your mother this,” asked Albus

“Yes of course, she often finds herself turned into a goat and tethered in the backyard.”

“Your mother turns your grandmother into a goat?” James asked, frowning. “Hey wait… that pet goat we occasionally feed in your backyard… is that your Grandmother?!”

“Yep, that’s her. And it’s usually dad that turns her into a goat. They don’t get on all that well”

“Your family,” Fiana said, shaking her head “Is mental! Ha! You aren’t related to Demetrius the Delightfully Demented are you?” she finished with a laugh.

“Yes actually, how did you know?”

“I- Tha- It- Seriously? That was a joke!”

“A pretty accurate one actually. He’s my 17 times great Uncle on my Grandmother’s side.”
“Bollocks!” James said, stunned.

“No thankyou Jamie, I’ve just eaten, maybe later though?”

Lily grinned at him “Oh Evan,” she sighed “I have missed you”.

*

Later that afternoon, Evan stood in James’ room with Cassie, watching Albus and Lily having a sword fight with fake wands in the yard below through the large window. He liked James’ room, it was big, and bright and airy, and covered in Quidditch and band posters, Gryffindor paraphernalia, various art pieces and a couple of book cases. The large TV in the corner meant that he and James (and usually Fiana and Cassie) could watch Bluerays, TV shows, and play games on James’ Play Station 5 or Xbox 1440. The spelled computer in the opposite corner also meant that the boys could amuse themselves on the maginet, and play even more games. Truly, Evan mused, being a teenager in the twenty first century was awesome.

Evan turned as he heard James enter the room. He had that particularly worrisome look of seriousness on his face, that meant that he wanted to discuss something with Evan, and no amount of distractions in the form of pretty girls, interesting books, or concussion charms could distract him.

“So,” James said.

“So?” Evan replied.

James nodded “So.”

Cassie looked from James to Evan and back again, threw her arms up in the air and stomped out of the room, muttering irritably about the monosyllabic stupidity inherent to all males.

James turned back from watching her leave and gave Evan his famous dimpled smile.

“Now that she’s gone,” he said “I’ve been meaning to ask you something about the whole… you know, thing?”

”The thing,” Evan replied, perplexed. “Which particular ‘thing’ would that be Jamie?”

“You know,” James said, calmly. “The whole ‘gay’ thing.”

“Oh,” Evan said. “That thing.”

”Yeah” James agreed.

“Well?” Evan asked.

“I was wondering…” James hesitated a moment, before one of Evander’s continue-quickly-or-I-will-strangle-you-with-a-satanic-sock-puppet-from-the-ninth-layer-of-hell looks made him continue “I was wondering if you ever, you know, fancied me?”

Evan began to laugh. He laughed so hard he had to sit down, and upon seeing James slightly hurt expression, he laughed even harder.

“Well!” James said, turning to leave. “You could have let me down a lot nice–”
”Oh shut up Jamie,” Evan said, still amused. “But to be fair, that was a ridiculous question!”

James looked perplexed. “It… was?” he asked.

“James, you are literally like a brother to me” Evan said. “In fact, you’re basically a third brother to me, except, you know, one that I’m not related to, and who I got to choose, and who, y’know, doesn’t have a ridiculous bollocks for breakfast name beginning with the letter ‘e’!”
”Oh,” James said, smiling. “Well, yay!” he crowed, before pouncing on Evan and tickling him. As Evan laughed and flailed about, Fiana walked in, and gave them both an amused look before sitting down with the mysteriously ever-present muggle fantasy novel that seemed to be, at all times, upon her person, and which, in one of James' and Evan's more ridiculous theories, in fact came from Fi's secret horde of fantasy novels, kept in another dimension consisting entirely of one huge library.

As Fi opened the meticulously kept book, she looked at James and said "You, are incredibly conceited"
However as Evan lay on bed being nuzzled by the affectionate friend, he couldn’t help but disagree with Fiana on this point. Only sheer nervousness and quick thinking had saved Evan from declaring to his best friend that he did, indeed fancy him, and had done so for several years.

*

That evening the four young wizards were lazing on James’ bed and half-heartedly watching a repeat of a ridiculous sex-filled dramady called “Hex and the City” on Wizarding television, while they waited for “The Homoerotic Adventures of Merlin” to come on. Not for the first time, Evan idly wondered at James’s innate ability to happily deal with the fact that he would be watching a programme in which Merlin and Arthur snogged and shagged, and Guinevere and Morgana likewise. Before he could ask James about this however, Cassie piped up with the same tired idea.

“You knoooow,” she said “I have this anime that I think you’d all like to wa–”

“No.” James said, resolutely.

“Awww but it’s a really good one! The Sword Princess falls in love with the Hand-maiden of the God of Flowe–”

“No.” James said again.

“But Celeste really likes it!” Cassie said, in a wheedling tone.

“Oh, well, in that case,” James said, looking over at her. “No.”

“But–”
“No.”

“You–”

“No.”

“Why–”

“No.”

“This–”

“No.”

“Ass–”

“No.”

Sharing significant eye-contact with Fiana, Evan idly wondered just how often the two friends could repeat basically the same conversation, with the same end results. Evan, whilst not overly interested in it, personally didn’t particularly mind anime and indeed liked several series that Fi and Cassie had shown him, and Fi liked anime quite a lot too. The problem was that whilst Cassie loved anime, James despised it. As the quartet had grown older, Cassie had become increasingly in love with Japanese animation, a love that had been galvanised when she had fallen in love (or married, as James, Evan and Fi liked to think of it) with an older Slytherin girl named Celeste Aurcher who also loved anime.

To begin with, James had simply been uninterested and apathetic, but then Cassie had tried to convert him. In a now famous conversation in their fourth year Cassie had thought that she would be able to convince James to love anime as much as she did, if she had just sat him down and explained it to him, so she had tried.

Evan remembered the scene quite vividly. James (who was covered in blotches from a hex his mother had sent him by mail earlier that week) had been sitting in the common room with Evan, attempting to complete a particularly difficult and nastily involved piece of revision homework for their Arithmancy class. Cassie had marched across the common room and sat down with them, and began to try and convince James that he would love it, if only he would give it a try. James was not amused, and Cassie hadn’t been willing to take no for an answer. In one of the most epic shouting matches that had ever occurred in the Gryffindor common room since Fred, George and Percy Weasley had lived in the tower; James had turned Cassie into an animated version of herself and trapped her inside her own mobile phone, bewitched to dance constantly. It had taken Fiana and Evan nearly 24 hours and a decade off of their lives to work out just how James had managed to accomplish this feat, and then remove Cassie from the phone and un-transfigure her back to her original state. It had then taken the combined diplomatic abilities of Evan, Fiana, the entire Potter-Weasley clan, and a number of teachers to convince Celeste that killing James would probably not be a good idea, and indeed, would have led to her incarceration in Azkaban. This said Ginny had walloped James so hard with her broomstick that he hadn’t been able to sit down for a week.

It had been around this time that he had also begun to have serious feelings for James. Evan remembered the exact moment when, following Ginny’s spirited punishment, he had helped James get to bed – helping him undress down to his boxers. James had obviously thought nothing of it; however it had taken all of Evan’s demented breeding to maintain control and not blush. Unfortunately the time of the undressing – as he called it – hadn’t been an isolated experience. As they’d grown older, James had on many an occasion been painfully naked: in the changing rooms after a game, in the bathroom, and even once or twice, in a particularly boring History of Magic class. To make matters worse, the previous school year had seen the beginning of James (and admittedly Evan and Fiana’s) interest in alcohol. Unfortunately for Evan, whilst he and Fi had the constitutions of Hippogriffs, James was slightly less able to handle his alcohol… and many an uncomfortable night had been spent with James happily clinging to him in a boneless manner due to the boy’s deep seated inability to get to his own bed.

Evan was nudged from his reverie by Fiana, who motioned that the show was about to begin. Shaking himself, Evan brought himself back to present as the Homoerotic Adventures of Merlin started. He shared an excited look with Fiana before they moved forward to the front of the bed to gaze, enraptured, at Merlin and Arthur. He spared a second of oogling to look back at Cassie, who was on her laptop, and James, who was surreptitiously reading one of Fiana’s fantasy books. Shaking his head slightly, he decided that although they were sometimes irrational, silly, and panic-stricken, he did in fact love his friends.

Chapter 3: Last days of summer

Summary:

In which there is an unconscionable amount of banter.

A few days after arriving at the James’s, Evan was sitting down with the Potters, Cassie and Fi for breakfast, when he spied one of his family’s phoenixes heading towards the house from the kitchen window, and grinned at James. He knew he was about to receive his first slightly-panic stricken communication from his family, and James and Albus had been speculating on the type of damage and/or general weirdness that had befallen the Dyer household since it had been stripped of his (usually) calming presence.

As Valan, the phoenix that had been chosen for the journey flew in the open kitchen window and dropped the letter in front of Evan, everyone present looked at him, waiting for him to divulge the contents to them. He grinned at his audience and picked up the letter, reading the writing; this time it was from his brother Eugene.

Dear Nico,

He read aloud for the benefit of his fellow breakfasters.

How are you?

Are you enjoying the Potters then? I know you usually do, but you know one can always hope that you’ll be struck dumb, and decide to leave your place of sanctuary for the insipid insanity that is your ancestral home. Ha! Just thought I’d throw that joke in for you to give you a laugh.

Nothing much has happened around here since you’ve left really. If by “nothing”, you mean “shitloads”, and I do.

Let’s see, since you’ve left:

-          Dad has turned Grandmother into a Goat again.

-          Mum has threatened to feed her to the Gryphons.

-          I’ve turned Ed and Lea into radishes. Twice.

-          Wonky has trapped Twinky in a suit of armour, a suitcase and a large kettle.

-          I’ve hexed all of Lea’s clothes so that whenever she starts an argument whilst wearing them, she gains a pound. Amazingly, she’s stopped starting arguments J

-          Twinky has insulted Skanky and Funky, as well as Wonky. They “misplaced” her two days ago, and we still haven’t found her. Damn.

-          Mum has started feeding Grandmother all her hateful and nasty letters whilst she’s in goat form. She’s starting to get sick. I hope to hell we don’t have to take her to the Muggle vet.

That’s about it really. I’ll keep you posted if anything else interesting happens.

Until then, love and all that,

Eugene.

The letter made everyone’s day. Nothing is quite like an entertainingly dysfunctional yet somehow happy family to cheer people up; Evan thought dryly.

*

The following morning Evan, James and Lily were eating breakfast with Mrs. Potter, while Albus, Cassie and Fi sat in the living room watching morning cartoons – the Animated Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Muggle, if Evan wasn’t mistaken. Lily and James, rarely civil in anything, were currently united in their hypnotised love for an old CD of Evan’s mum that he’d brought to show them. The three Potters and Evan sat in silence, letting the voice of the woman signing wash over them, although Evan felt that calling it ‘singing’ was perhaps an undeserved kindness. Nonetheless Lily and James were both sitting there gaping with those ridiculous music geek looks only they could wear. Ginny took a photo. Evan laughed. As the song ended, Fi and Cassie, accompanied by Albus entered the room, their cartoons having obviously finished.

“Mum?” Albus asked.

“Yes dear?” Ginny replied, looking up from her Daily Prophet.

“Do you think we can go shopping today, maybe at Diagon Alley or Phoenix Loop?” Al asked, referring to their booklists that had arrived in the post yesterday.

“That might not be a bad idea,” Ginny replied thoughtfully, “you all have quite a lot to get this year. Let’s go to Arcadia Circus, it’s nicer.”

“Tell me about it,” Cassie said in disgust “I have to buy twelve books!”

“Fourteen for me!” murmured Fiana, who on the whole seemed to be unsurprisingly much happier about the prospect.

“Ugh how many do we have to buy Ev?” James asked with a half grin.

“Fifteen I think,” Evan replied, grabbing the booklist in attempt to ignore the butterflies that the half-smile had caused, “Yes, we’ve got three books for Enchantment”.

“I still can’t believe you got enough OWLs to get into Enchantment James! I mean Ev, yes. But you?” Lily said.

“Yes, well he did. And his father and I are quite proud of him,” said Ginny, eying her daughter wearily. “So for once just be happy for your brother”.

“I am happy for him mother-dearest,” Lily replied sweetly as Cassie and Fiana prudently vacated the kitchen for safer ground, and Evan and Albus exchanged eye-rolls. “I’m merely surprised, and sceptical as to how James managed to confound his examiners.”

“How about you go fu–”

“Enough James,” Ginny said, growing annoyed “Lily? Can’t you just be nice to your brother for one day?”

“Hmmm…” Lily pretended to think “Nope”.

At this point, Evan decided that strategic retreat was necessary, and gave James a significant look.

“C’mon” he said.

Five minutes later, James and Evan were sitting on the bank of the small rivulet that ran through the Potter’s property. Evan sat in silence, watching as his friend viciously tore up pieces of long grass and threw them into the water. Finally, James spoke,

“I’m not stupid you know.” James declared.

Evan rolled his eyes at him “I know that, you got ten OWLs.”

“The same as you.”

“Precisely.”
“More than Fi and Cass.”

“Well we did study together, while they panicked–”

“And watched anime for ‘studying purposes’–”

“Because a show about a ten year old wizardling surrounded by teenage girls is totally helpful when studying for Potions and Transfiguration,” Evan added with a sigh.

“Well obviously,” James said with laughter in his voice. “Highly superior to our method of revision and hard work…”

“And yet,” Evan added in mock-confusion. “Somehow we still managed to get good marks.”
“Because we’re cool like that?”

“Because we’re cool like that.”

They were now grinning at each other, the mood once again jovial. Whilst Evan felt bad for short-changing his friends in that way, it had nonetheless had the desired effect of cheering James up. Whilst James was usually light-hearted and carefree, when his black moods hit the role always fell to Evan to get him out of them. A fairly clever arrangement considering the fact that Cassie was often completely unable to deal with the emotions of other people, and Fiana spent most of her time dealing with Cassie.

As if summoned by their conversation, a shout of greeting from Cassie heralded the arrival of the two girls.

Evan noted with amusement that Cassie was once again in the Yukata her girlfriend had sent to her from Japan, and looked quite out of place in the warm West Country morning. Whilst the more traditional elements of Wizarding society (such as his grandmother) still wore robes, the trend over the last twenty years had increasingly favoured the Muggle-style clothing that James, Fiana and Evan now wore – particularly since the advent of several large corporations (including that run by the Dyer family) marketing magically-modified muggle goods to the Wizarding world. Nonetheless Evan was forced to admit that the colourful robe did accentuate Cassie’s height and long (recently) brown hair nicely.

“Still enjoying the Yukata then?” He asked her by way of greeting.

The two girls looked at him, Cassie happily and Fiana witheringly. “Oh yes!” Cassie replied “I love it so much! I couldn’t believe it when Celeste sent it to me I was only expecting some anime–”
Sensing a gushing fit, Evan quickly added “It’ll definitely be striking if we go into town later”.

“Indeed,” James quipped “Although this is London we’re talking about… so maybe not”

Cassie merely poked her tongue out at them. “Speaking of which,” Fiana stepped in “Ginny told us to come get you so that we could go into London for our school stuff. Also, she wants to talk to you James”.

James’ hazel eyes flashed with irritation for a second before he regained his composure.

“This should be fun” he said.

“You’ll be fine” Evan, Cassie and Fiana assured him in unison.

Cassie quirked her lips “Maybe”.

*

The last night of the holidays arrived with an almost palpable air of relief for the occupants of Potter household. Lily had decided for reasons known only to her to cease the crusade she had waged on James for most of her thirteen years in favour of beginning a new one against Albus. There had been several nasty incidents including; the theft of a diary, the destruction of a broomstick, and the clandestine kidnapping of a cage of pygmy puffs. Events had culminated at the dinner table the previous night when Harry and Ron had been forced to magically separate the two, whilst Ginny, Hermione and Fiana hid all the butterknives.

Having finally managed to pack their trunks in spite of the fifteen text books they required that year, Evan and James were discussing the new developments as they attempted brush their teeth.

“I don’t understand,” James said for the third time, turning to Evan with a devastating look of confusion “I mean this morning; she smiled at me and asked me to fix her Phone! So I helped her, and she thanked me!”

Evan was forced to admit that this was indeed a surprising development. “Maybe she is genuinely trying to be nicer to you James?” Evan suggested.

James cocked his head, as though considering the possibility before shaking his head “No. It has to be something else.”

“I suppose she could be lulling you into a false sense of security, biding her time until you’ve grown accustomed to the new status quo before, changing back to the old one and striking at the worst possible moment?”

“Thanks Ev,” James said sarcastically “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Cheers”.

Evan gave him an amused look “You did ask after all,” he said virtuously. “I am merely revealing to you all the possibilities, as is my duty as your friend.”

“If I wanted my insecurities milked, I would talk to Cassie”

Evan adopted a look of mock horror “You would replace me with Cassie? But we don’t even like her!”

“I heard that you bitch!” Cassie yelled genially from the bedroom.

“You were meant to darling, now hush and finish packing” Evan yelled back.

“Hmmm… true,” James said as though pretending to consider his options “I suppose I could just have you executed and replace you with a block of wood or something”.

Evan pretended to splutter “Executed? I am a Dyer!”

“Yes,” James said, his grin evil “and my Dad is the Champion of Hogwarts”

Evan pretended to gasp “You wouldn’t use that against me!”

“Wouldn’t I?”

“Would you?”

“Do you want to find out?”

“Will there be spanking?”

“Evan!”

“Boy, I know all your secrets. Don’t make me bring out that time you had all that gillyweed and tried to steal Miranda Boots’–”

“Okay!” James said quickly “No executing for you.” He looked thoughtful for a moment “Still,” he said “I think it’s weird that Lil’s had this change of heart”

James once again began brushing his teeth in thoughtful silence, making faces in the bathroom mirror as he did so. Not for the first time, Evan found himself slightly mesmerised by the sight of his best friend, shirtless and with his hair still damp from the shower. As Evan too began brush his teeth, he allowed himself to mull over just exactly why he found James so attractive. Whilst Evan was perhaps an inch shorter than James, and possessed broader and more defined shoulders than his friend, they were nonetheless quite similar. Both were tall, dark haired, and had the well developed abdominals and leg muscles that were the result of the gruelling, often terrifying, and extremely effective exercise regimes the Gryffindor Quidditch Team had endured up until the previous school year under the captaincy of the diminutive Andrea Macmillan. “Indeed”, Evan thought wryly. “It would almost be possible to mistake the two for brothers were it not for their eyes and personalities.” James’s eyes were hazel, and there was a mischievous set to his eyes and mouth that had caused the ire of many a Hogwarts Professor. Evan on the other hand, had the iron grey eyes of his Dyer ancestors, the curls of his Chant forebears, and possessed in ample measures the calm and poised disposition and dry wit associated with both families.

Suddenly, Evan was awoken from his reverie when he realised that James was speaking to him, and furthermore that James, Lily and Fiana were all looking at him. James once again said “Are you okay? You were staring at me, but obviously thinking about something else. Anything wrong?”

Evan shrugged “Oh sorry, just thinking about stuff,” James gave him a confused look “Just, excited about starting NEWTs and all,” he finished lamely, as Lily’s eyebrow quirk.

James looked at him with amusement “You are such a geek sometimes Dyer”.

Relieved, Evan followed James into the bedroom, lying down on the bed next to Cassie to watch an episode of Jack and Karen. Because of this, he didn’t see the highly speculative look that passed between Fiana and Lily as they two began to brush their teeth.

*

The next morning dawned wet, cold, and to the sound of Harry Potter loudly trying to convince his second son that he could not, in fact have Lily transferred from Slytherin to Durmstrang just because she had stolen his diary and sent copies of it to every Slytherin in his year, and that they would both have to play nice at school, or risk the odd punishments handed down by Professor Lovegood and Professor Nathair.

After a quick breakfast, the five Potters, Evan, Cassie and Fiana set off for London in the Potter’s car. The car ride was made in sleepy silence – the quartet had decided for reasons unknown to stay up late in the night talking and watching television. Evan was just reaching the climax of a dream where he was showing James around his Grandparents estate in Sydney – complete with pornographic fountains and wood nymphs, when Albus woke them as they entered Central London. With some trepidation Evan noticed that he and James had lent against one another in their sleep, and he definitely wasn’t ready to deal with the contemplative looks Albus, Lily and Fiana were giving him. Cassie, thankfully had spent the entire trip playing Pokémon Dishwater-Grey, so Evan was spared a look from her. However, Fiana was efficient, and he realised with a sinking feeling that he would probably be asked some difficult questions rather soon. Evan’s disquiet about his situation was erased by the sleepy smile James gave him, and he spent the remaining fifteen minutes thinking about anything other than what he’d like to do with his best friend.

The question came sooner than he’d anticipated. The Hogwarts express had just left Greater London when Fiana, capitalising on James and Cassie’s decision to go to the toilet, brought her suspicions to the fore. For once, devoid of her fantasy novel, she sat down directly opposite Evan, eyeing him beadily. “So,” she said.

“So?” he replied, willing to see this out.

“You like James.” It wasn’t a question.

“I do.”

“Really?” she asked, surprised.

“So do you Fi, he’s our best friend remember.”

The look he received could have taken down a Giraffe from five hundred paces. “Please Evander,” she said disapprovingly. “I am not an idiot. You like him, in a hex and the city, deeply wishing that he would flip you over and hammer you like a bent nail kind of way.”

Evan sighed, “Where the hell do you get these metaphors from?”

“I read,” she said “and you’re avoiding the question.”

“Fine, yes, I like him.” Evan conceded. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide the truth from the canny girl, and in fact she might be a useful ally in hiding his shameful infatuation from James.

“Ha!” She crowed triumphantly, “I can’t wait to tell James!”

“Fi, please, you can’t tell him.” the look of pure panic he felt must have shown on his face, because Fiana looked at him with actual concern.

“Evan, I swear I won’t tell any–” she began. However before she could finish, James returned. Looking slightly confused by the awkward silence pervading the compartment, he nevertheless sat down, idily placed his feet in Evan’s lap and grinned at both of them.

“We need to start planning our pranks for the year” he said.

Evan was doomed.

*

As Hogwarts Express pulled up to Hogsmeade, Evan looked through the sheets of pouring rain to the Castle in the distance.

Hogwarts was new. Or at least – large portions of it were new. Following the Battle of Hogwarts more than two decades prior, much of the school had lay in ruins, and when the time came to rebuild, the Ministry had decided to rebuild it larger than it had been before. Initially, certain elements of the Wizarding community had wished for the Castle to be rebuilt in a style similar to the Palais de Beauxbatons, however it was eventually decided that the school would be rebuilt in a style similar to what the original founders intended. The biggest difference as far as Evan could tell, was the significant extensions to the four house sections of the castle. According to his mother, the original Gryffindor domain had consisted of a single tower. However, the Gryffindor Abode he’d always known consisted of a Common Hall and three residential towers, one of which was given away exclusively to the sixth and seventh years. The extensions did not appear to purely in the province of the Gryffindors, as according to people in the other Houses, they two were much extended. 

This extension of the House Abodes had proved to be crucial to Hogwarts, as he unprecedented level of Muggle births over the last twenty years – known in some circles as ‘Mudblood’s Revenge’ – had swelled the numbers of students to previously unseen levels.

Chapter 4: Cause and Effect

Summary:

In which Evan, James, Fiana and Cassandra begin their sixth year, with rather spectacular results all round.

It was a crisp mid-October morning, when Evan was awoken by the loud thud of James smacking into the door. Evan groaned, he’d stayed up all last night finishing an Arithmancy essay in the Gryffindor Hall, and was not particularly looking forward to his roommate’s exuberance.  With a sigh, he opened his eyes and surveyed the room he shared with James. He had a momentary glimpse of a high red and gold ceiling before James Potter landed on his chest with an enthusiastic grin.

“Morning Ev!” He grinned impishly. Evan stared at him, wondering if the bludger to the head the night before might have finally addled his brains. In his sleep deprived state, Evan carefully considered a number of different responses before finally settling on the one that best described his feelings; “Die.”

“Oh come on,” James said, wagging his fingers in a way that made Evan dizzy. “Don’t be like that. Today is Friday the Thirteenth! We have many pranks to pull, no one will expect it! I’ve even got my dad’s cloak and map!”

“Die twice”

“Evan!”
“Fuck off James! What time is it?”

“Ummm,” James consulted his phone “5 a.m.”

At this point James wisely extricated himself from Evan and sat down on his own bed, looking at Evan impishly. A moment later Evan sat up and looked at the other boy with askance. “You woke me up, at five a.m. on a Friday morning, to tell me it’s Friday the Thirteenth?” James’ grin faltered slightly under the intense look of dislike Evan shot him.

“Evan,” he said in a wheedling voice “C’mon! It’ll be fun, Fiana and Cassie are helping?”

“Really?” Evan asked with surprise.

“Well they will when I ask them.”

“Why am I friends with you?”

“Because you want to gay me?”

Evan froze, aghast. “What?” he asked in a would-be calm voice. James laughed at him
“Calm down Ev, it was a joke! I know you don’t really want to gay me.”

“Must we use gay as a verb James?” Evan asked in an acidic tone.

“You are grumpy this morning.”

“Yes,” Evan agreed “But then I was up all night writing an essay, whereas you went off to shag Belinda Collins and presumably didn’t get back ‘til this morning.” This of course was the real reason for Evan’s sour mood. James however, was as usual supremely unaware of turmoil plaguing his friend.

“I just wanted to congratulate her on making the Gryffindor dueling team!” James said, innocently.

“Indeed, but why with your cock?” Evan asked, with what he hoped was a resigned sigh.

“What, are you jealous?”

“No James. Just resigned to the fact that when you lose interest in her, as we both know you will. It will be up to Fiana, Eleanor, and I to keep her from killing you.”

“Come on! She understands that it’s just physical!”

Evan took a calming breath, and put his feet over the edge of the bed. “Look,” he said “I’m just tired and grumpy. I’ll be better after I have a shower.”

James gave him a devastating half smile, which Evan responded to with another eye roll. However in the privacy of his shower, he allowed himself a moment of despair as he wished fervently that it could have been him that James spent the night with.

*

When Evan dragged himself into the Great Hall and hour later, he was confronted with the sickening sight of Belinda Collins with her tongue down James’ throat. Muttering to himself he was just about to go and sit next to Fiana and Cassie further down the table when he was ambushed by his cousin Amelie.

“Evander Nicodemus Dyer!” she cried cheerfully. Several people (included Lily) looked up from the nearby Slytherin tables.

Evan turned around looked at his cousin and smiled, “Hello you!” he said. Amelie Chant was the youngest daughter of his mother’s brother and father’s sister. She was tall and thin, and with her pale skin, grey-green eyes and full lips was considered one of the greatest beauties of the school.

Presently those lips were pursed as she looked at Evan with alarming intensity. “Let’s grab some toast,” she decided.

“Uh, why?” Evan asked, confused. She looked at him with the special mix of sympathy, amusement and derision that only she could manage and said “Because we have things to discuss.”

Five minutes later they were walking around the lake with their arms linked, chatting amicably. Evan finished filling her in on the conversation he’d had with his sister Eleanor yesterday regarding some of her more outrageous accomplishments over the summer.

“… and then Lea fed Grandmother Edmund’s socks!”

“Oh, I love the Dyers,” Amelie said affectionately. “Speaking of love, let’s talk about the massive crush you have on James Potter shall we?” Evan chocked on his toast. She looked at him with amusement.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he lied.

“Oh please, Nico! You’re totally in love with him!”

Defeated, and choosing to ignore the use of his family nickname, Evan instead closed his eyes. “Who else knows?” he asked quietly. “Godric, I must be the laughing stock of Gryffindor by now.”

“Woah,” Amelie said, a note of concern in her voice. “I know because I know you. You were perfectly happy last night until James went off with Slutty McBimbo.”

Evan laughed at the nickname. “That’s it?” he asked. “Surely you can’t base everything off me being annoyed at James being a manwhore!”

“Well,” Amelie began “I may have garnered some insight to the looks you give him when no one’s looking. Plus Lea heard you talking about him in your sleep.”

“Ah,” Evan said with amusement. “How did I know my dear sister would be involved in this?”

“Because,” a voice called from behind them. “You have powerful precognitive abilities brother dearest.”

Amelie and Evan turned and waited for Evan’s younger sister, who upon reaching them, promptly linked her arms with Evan. As they resumed their walk around the lake, Amelie once again took up the conversation. “So anyway, we were talking.”

“Last night.” Eleanor qualified.

“About what?” Evan inquired.

“Well yes. But we also discussed your predicament.” Amelie declared.

“And we decided in the grand traditions of the Dyer and Chant dynasties–” Eleanor began

“To engage in some constructive meddling,” Amelie finished grandly.

“It’s only right,” Eleanor said.

“It’s only decent,” Amelie agreed.

“Oh yes,” Evan replied “How exactly were you planning to meddle?”

“Well first off, we thought we might try some subtlety – artful little conversations with him to assess his possible gayness,” Amelie replied.

“Perhaps push one of his floozies down the stairs, leave her to the Slytherins – that sort of thing,” Eleanor added. “I could probably get Lily to help with that.”

*

Following his talk with Amelie and Lea, Evan was very nearly late for his first class of the day. He muttered irritably under his breath about his own stupidity as he jogged through the castle towards his Enchantment lesson. By dint of several secret passages, he eventually reached the large, airy Enchantment classroom at the top of the South Tower with five minutes to spare. Panting slightly, he stopped at the door to catch his breath, and froze – the seats at the back of the class where James, Fiana and Evan usually sat were taken, by none other than Belinda Collins and her vapid best friend Hana Chiaki. Quickly covering his annoyance behind a mask of impassivity, Evan spotted Fiana towards the front of the class, and quickly moved to sit between her and a Hufflepuff named Michael Conyngham.

Smiling vaguely at the greeting Michael gave him, Evan busied himself with the task of getting out two of the main text books, pen and parchment. As he wrote the date at the top of his notebook, he noticed Fiana’s eyes on him, and he looked over at her, meeting her eye roll and head tilt towards James with an eye roll of his own. By unspoken consent, they both nonchalantly took out the identical pieces of enchanted paper they used to talk to each other during classes, and nonverbally activated the two-person conversation spell.

“He seems to be enjoying himself,” came the first message in Fiana’s neat handwriting.

“He really does, doesn’t he? Another conquest to add to his list, still at least she isn’t on the Quidditch team. Maybe I’m better off not telling him anything,” Evan replied.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I still can’t get my head around the whole thing.”

Before he could glance over to gauge her reaction, his neighbour leaned over and smiled at him, with white, even teeth.  “Alright Dyer?” Michael asked, still smiling “I haven’t talked to you since last year, how’ve you been?” Despite himself, Evan was drawn in by the other boy’s easy manner.

“Not bad, Michael. How about you?”

The two were just beginning to discuss the English Quidditch teams latest win when Fiana poked Evan in the side, indicating not only that she had replied to his message, but that Professor White, the Chief Enchanter had arrived.

After about forty-five minutes of furious note-taking, Evan deemed it safe to glance down at Fiana’s reply.

“You like him, Evan – although I don’t think anyone except Lily and I know. The bit you can’t get your head around is the fact that he is completely oblivious to your lusting.”

“You’re right about James having no idea about me liking him. Although you’re wrong about you and Lil being the only ones that know. Lea and Amy know as well.” Evan replied.

After several moments, Fiana noticed that Evan had replied, and quickly responded herself. “Ah, so that’s where you were at breakfast. I thought you might have been hiding from James and Slutina’s public display of grossness.”

“Ha, not very likely. You know I can ignore things like that when I put my mind to it. Let us all remember Cassie and Celeste.”

“True, true. You and I are indeed able to ignore. Anyway, what are Lea and Amy planning?”Fiana asked after several minutes.

“Collaborative snooping, and subtle probing regarding ‘Jamie’s possible gayness’ etcetera etcetera.” Evan replied with some resignation.

“Hmmm… that could actually work out well. I mean, I think James is at least Bi. You remember that time last year at the end of year party where we found him in a very interesting position with that Slytherin guy?” 

Evan had to stifle a laugh at the memory of finding James, covered in silly string and wearing nothing but blanket, slumped on top of the previous year’s Head Boy. Fiana, Cassie, Amelie, Lily, Albus and Evan all had copies of the photos – kept specifically for blackmail purposes.

Before Evan could reply however, Professor White rose.

“Has everyone finished the notes?” she asked. There was a general murmur of consent from the class. “Excellent,” she continued “Everyone will recall that Anthropomorphic Magical Constructs are of course one of the major subjects we will study in first semester – everyone that is, who has read the syllabus. To that end I will be breaking the thirty of you in the First Period class into fifteen pairs–” she paused glancing towards the back of the class.

“Is this to your satisfaction Miss Collins?” Professor White asked, with a bite of impatience in her voice. Evan turned and with some satisfaction, saw that Collins was hissing at James, who was ignoring her in favour of paying attention to the Professor. A moment too late, Collins realised that the Professor had asked her a question.

 “Oh no Professor,” the girl said vapidly. “I love Enchantment.”

“Indeed Collins?” White asked. “That would have been an excellent answer had I asked you whether you were enjoying the class. I instead asked you whether or not you were happy being broken into pairs to work on constructing your own Anthropomorphic Magical Construct.”

“Oh.” Collins replied, her violet eyes wide.

“Yes, ‘Oh’ does seem to be an excellent response,” White said coldly, approaching Collin’s desk “I think for the sake of posterity, I will partner you with Miss Hayden.” Picking up, Belinda’s blank notebook, Professor White’s became practically glacial. “Hayden has at least, completed the notes, on top of also incidentally managing to somehow magically converse with Mr. Dyer for the last five minutes.” White fixed Fiana and Evan with an amused look. “And now for the other pairs” she said. As she went around the room, Evan noticed with some satisfaction that she paired James with Markus Anderson – a burly Ravenclaw who played as a Beater for their Quidditch team. When she reached Evan, she partnered him with Michael Conyngham, who gave him a lazy smile.

“Now,” White said, returning to the front of the class. “You have the next two hours to research Magical Constructs in the library, but I want you all back by 11:30 sharp. Dismissed.” Evan rose to join the general exodus from the classroom.

“Oh, before you go,” White called “Dyer, Hayden, could I talk to you for a moment?”

Looking at each other apprehensively, they walked to the front of the class. Stopping, Evan suddenly realised that Michael was standing awkwardly at the door, waiting for him. “I’ll meet you down in the library” Evan called to him. Michael smiled gratefully and hurried towards the stairs. Evan turned and took his place next to Fiana in front of White’s desk.

“May I see it? The paper you two have been using to communicate with, that is,” White asked. Evan wordlessly reached into his notepad and handed her the piece of paper. Professor White spent several minutes examining the paper, wordlessly poking it with her wand. She finally looked up at Evan and Fiana. “Ingenious,” she stated “You two developed this by yourselves?”

Evan glanced at Fiana, confused. “Yes, Professor” he replied finally. “We wanted a way to communicate in classes without interrupting or passing notes.”

“We essentially copied the idea of a muggle internet chat program–” Fiana added.

“And created a magical paper based version by imbuing it with some enchantments we invented with James Potter and my cousin Amelie Chant,” Evan finished.

“You both show an aptitude for exceptional enchanting. Mr. Potter also, although he could do to focus more,” she added, noting Fiana and Evan’s identical smirks “Amelie of course, I teach in my Seventh Year unit. However, would the two of you consent to take part in some Advanced Enchanting lessons? I believe you both have Monday afternoon’s free?”

Fiana and Evan both nodded, both relieved that they had somehow avoided punishment.

“Excellent,” White continued “I will speak to Mr. Potter, and as your Head of House I consent to the extra study.” Evan and Fiana were about to turn to leave when White took off her glasses and smiled at them “I don’t think I’ll need to tell any of the other teachers about this little practice of yours. You seem responsible enough.” They thanked her and began walking across the classroom.

*

That afternoon, Evan, James, Fiana and Cassie had Transfiguration with Professor Chatterjee. Chatterjee was a short, energetic woman whose eyes shone with intelligence and enthusiasm. Her engaging manner, fascinating lessons, and lack of favouritism meant that despite her position as Head of Hufflepuff, she was universally liked by students from all four houses.

That particular lesson had been rather difficult, as they had been attempting to Transfigure llamas into lamps. Evan and James had, after a certain amount of difficulty managed to complete the Transfiguration (earning them ten points each for their house), and Fiana had been almost as successful (although her lamp continued to make slightly hysterical ‘mwa’ noises any time anyone attempted to turn it on). Cassie’s llama was now blue, irritated, and covered in glitter.

As they packed away, Cassie was still complaining bitterly about her less-than-perfect performance. Short of accepting the fact that she was competent enough at Transfiguration when she actively concentrated on the task at hand, on this particular occasion, Cassie instead chose to blame her wand.

“Look at your wand Evan!” she proclaimed “It’s Elm with a phoenix feather core, and it has cool Celtic carvings on the handle – so much better than rosewood with unicorn hair!”

Evan shook his head, failing to understand the strange wand envy that seemed to strike Cassie from time to time. Unlike most Wizards, who usually developed a sense of attachment to their wands, Cassie seemed at times to openly dislike hers. “Merlin’s Teeth, Cass! You can’t have my wand –” he began.

James quickly weighed in to diffuse the situation. “It can’t be your wand; it works perfectly in other classes!”

“Well then how do you explain the DISCO LLAMA?!” she said, with a flourish towards the pen at the back of the classroom.

“I’m no expert dear,” Fiana said dryly. “But have you considered that your woes may stem from the fact that you spent the entire lesson emailing Celeste and giggling?”

Cassie looked at Fiana with a confused tilt to her head “No? Why would that be connected?”

Leaving the two girls to what would undoubtedly become a rather interesting conversation, James and Evan headed down the corridor to the stairs.

“So, I was wondering if I could talk to you?” James asked.

“You’re not already?” Evan quipped, without looking at his companion.

“It’s about Collins,” James began. “She’s become really clingy and I don’t–”

“I’m sure you’ll deal with it Jamie,” Evan interrupted “but I have to go meet Michael in the library. Save me a seat at dinner yeah?” taking only a second to take in the look of surprise on James’s face, Evan hurried down the stairs, intent on reaching the library. In his haste he chose to ignore James’s querie of “Since when have you called Conyngham ‘Michael’?”

Michelle Worthington, the new Captain of Gryffindor’s Quidditch team cornered Evan just outside the library to discuss the next day’s practice. Full on as only she could be, the tall, curly haired girl instantly launched into an in-depth discussion of new beater techniques. Sightly stressed about leaving Conyngham waiting, Evan finally managed to extricate himself with the promise that he’d discuss tactics with her at dinner.

Evan finally slid across the table from Conyngham five minutes past the time they’d agreed to meet. “Sorry, I’m a bit late,” he smiled apologetically. “I got cornered by my Quidditch Captain–”

Michael merely waved his hand and smiled. “It’s okay, I saw Worthington leave, so I thought there might be a chance she’d trap you.” Evan felt himself relaxing in response to the other boy’s easy attitude. Glancing at the tottering pile of books, Evan raised his eyebrows. “I see you’ve been busy, Conyngham.”

“Please, call me Michael, I hate my surname. Also, yes. I managed to get some books for us to look through so that we can decide what type.”

“Efficient… Michael” Evan replied. Michael’s corresponding grin was nearly blinding. Raising his eyebrows, Evan took a second to assess his project-partner. Michael Conyngham was good looking. He was tall (taller even than James) and athletic, with broad shoulders, short-cropped blonde hair, and striking grey-green eyes. With a sudden jolt, Evan realised that he found Michael attractive – it wasn’t the same as the deep connection he felt with James – but the attraction was definitely there.

Bringing himself back to the present, Evan quickly looked away, “So what sort of Construct where you thinking we should make?” he rushed “I was sort of thinking maybe a domestic sending, because that requires a greater complexity of enchantments.”

However, Michael’s smile indicated that Evan’s assessment hadn’t gone unnoticed. “I was thinking along the same lines actually,” he smiled. “Guardian Constructs are more impressive to look at, but on the whole a domestic Construct will show off our enchanting skills better.” Evan nodded his agreement, and was about to respond when Michael abruptly sat forward, “Are you and Potter dating?” he asked.

Evan was surprised, and a little intrigued by the question. “What? Me and James? Don’t be stupid,” Evan answered.

Michael had begun to blush now. “Huh, it just always seemed a bit like that.”

“Well I can definitely confirm the opposite. We’re not dating – just friends.”

“That’s good. So with these constructs–” There was definitely a blush happening.

“Why do you ask, Michael?” Evan asked.

Michael looked down at his hands. Evan looked at them too, and noticed a small scar on their back. For an irrational moment he wondered how Michael had gotten it. “You sound almost like you’re saying you like me?” Evan said instead.

“So what if I am?” Michael replied, a challenge in his voice.

Evan was momentarily taken aback. “I- have no idea what to say to that actually,” he said.

Michael laughed humourlessly, his eyes clouding over. “Forget it,” he said.

For the next two hours they worked in relative silence, conversing easily enough, but all the things Michael had left unsaid hung over them like one of the Dark Marks of old, and neither of the two boys could quite escape its chill.

*

Evan tried unsuccessfully for the rest of the night to talk to Fiana and Amelie about what had transpired with Michael. At dinner his efforts had been foiled by James and Michelle, who united in their love of Quidditch, kept Evan fully occupied for most of the meal. When he’d finally returned to the Gryffindor Abode after dinner, he’d found Amelie firmly entrenched in studying for an exam she had after the weekend, and wisely choosing to avoid being cursed or transfigured in some unprecedented way, he instead went in search of Fiana. Unfortunately for Evan, Fiana was annihilating Cassie at a game of Wizard’s Chess. As Cassie currently didn’t know anything to do with Evan’s love troubles, he decided to give up and study instead.

Evan didn’t get his chance to talk Amelie or Fiana until after Quidditch practice the next day. Under the pretence of requiring their aid with catching a rogue bludger he’d cursed himself, Evan pulled the two girls aside and told them in hushed tones what had transpired the night before. After he’d finished they both looked at him with identical expressions of surprise.

Amelie was the first to speak, “Conyngham? Morgan LeFay’s cheeky arsed bottom Nico,” she said “He’s a fairly fine piece of mancandy. But what about James?” She looked at him earnestly, “Do you think you could just switch it off like that?”

“I don’t know Ames,” he replied.

“I think you should find out,” Fiana said, pursing her lips. “This thing with James is all well and good, but you shouldn’t cut yourself short because of it.”

Amelie nodded, and Evan came to a decision. “I think I might go find him now, see what his views are.” He said, turning and heading towards the castle. “Get changed first!” Fiana called out after him.

Evan had barely begun his search for Michael, when the object of his search found him instead. They were on the seventh floor, on the opposite side of the castle from the Gryffindor abode.

“I was wondering if I could talk to you?” Michael asked, looking worried.

“Of course,” Evan said, smiling at him, “What’s up? I was just looking for you.”

“I wanted to apologise for last night, I was–”

“Honest?” Evan inquired.

“Well yes, but I–”

“Saw what you wanted and decided to be proactive about it?”

“I guess.” Michael said, clearly confused. “Are you okay? You seem a bit more, aggressive, than usual.”

Evan smiled at him, and decided to take Fiana’s advice and take the plunge. “I like you too, you know?” Evan said.

Michael went very still, his eyes wide. Even Evan was shocked by the audacity of his words. What had led to this situation? Was it the right thing to do? For two years, Evan had been infatuated with James, but in the space of a day, Michael Conyngham had presented a far more attractive possibility: the chance to start… something, with someone who showed obvious interest. The analytical part of Evan’s mind knew that a large part of the appeal of this situation stemmed directly from Evan’s annoyance with James. For two years, James had flitted from girl to girl, and even once or twice from girl to boy, in his seemingly unquenchable desire to sleep with the entire student body. Evan could understand that, it was merely a part of James’s somewhat childish personality, however the part that had rankled Evan for a long time, was the fact that James had never bothered to notice him. He was right in front of James, and yet James only saw him as a mate.

With a rush of surprise Evan realised that he’d always noticed Michael. They’d always been friendly enough – working together off and on in Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts classes over the years, and had it not been for James, Evan probably would have been aware of the attraction a lot earlier. In the end, it all came back to James. With a rush of sudden insight, Evan came to a single, stunning conclusion: he would not be that boy. He would not pine pathetically after his best friend to the detriment of other possibilities. Michael was attractive, he was funny, but most importantly he was interested and available. So Evan kissed him.

Michael’s body was taut for a second, before he seemed to melt into Evan’s kiss. Suddenly Evan felt himself being pushed against the corridor wall as Michael wrapped his arms around Evan’s waist. With his eyes tightly closed, Evan saw a wave of different colours, and silently congratulated himself on making the right decision. If the image of James’ face rose up, Evan pushed it to the back of his mind.

How long they kissed, Evan didn’t know. However when they eventually separated, Michael looked slightly dishevelled.

“That… was unexpected.” Michael said, licking his lips.

“Good unexpected or bad unexpected?” Evan asked.

“Definitely good. Completely crazy, but good.”

*

As the Castle moved towards November, Evan settled into a sort of routine. He worked hard in his classes, trained and played hard in Quidditch, made new friends, and even managed to be amongst the first twenty students to apparate without splinching themselves. On top of all this, Evan spent an inordinate amount of his time kissing Michael. All in all he was happy. Even James’ increasingly sour mood – which Evan smugly attributed to the fact that Belinda Collins was making his life a living hell – didn’t dampen his spirits.

It was a blustery day in the beginning of November when the first hints of trouble crept into Evan’s life. He and James were just leaving the dungeons after Potioneering Club, when James suddenly stopped and looked at Evan.

“What’re you doing tonight?”

“Hanging out with Michael, why?”

“Are you sleeping there again?” he made a face “I didn’t think people from other houses would be allowed to sleep in the Hufflepuff Abode.”

“Technically I’m not meant to, which is why I’m going to use a Disillusionment Charm.” Evan said, beginning to walk up the stairs again.

“I didn’t think we’d learnt Disillusionment Charms yet.”

“We don’t until next semester. Why do you ask anyway?”

“I miss you is all” James joked.

“Miss me? James, we sleep in the same room. Hell, last night you were so drunk you tried to sleep on top of me.”

“I do love school.” James said, with mock-sincerity. “The classes, the parties, the regular sight of either your siblings or mine attempting to kill each other.”

They laughed as they entered the entrance hall, however the mirth was quickly replaced with shock, as a stray curse ricocheted off the stone wall, causing a the image of Zeus in a nearby painting to flee, screaming in terror, while the nymphs he was carousing with ran after him giggling. Suddenly Evan felt himself being pulled to the ground, as another curse rebounded from the wall above his head. Taking a second to realise that James was half on top of him, Evan focused on the centre of the hall and the pure chaos that been evoked there. Lily Potter and three of her friends, their eyes nearly glowing in the morning light streaming into the hall were standing beside the unconscious form of Albus, rapidly firing curses and hexes at a group of Slytherin boys.

Before either James or Evan could react, Professor Creevey, the OWL-Supervisor ran into the hall. He took a moment to assess the carnage that was being wrought by the diminutive red-head, before yelling “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”

Lily and her fellow Slytherins immediately stopped firing curses, and attempted to adopt wronged-yet-innocent expressions. James pushed himself off the ground, helped Evan up, though they both remained in their relatively unobtrusive position.

Professor Creevey was standing in front of the nine students. “I ask again,” he said ominously “What is going on here?”

There was an explosion of noise everyone attempted to talk at once.

“We were just standing–”

“Minding our own–”

“They were being complete arseholes–”

“Potter, Smith, Jones and King totally attacked–”

“THEY ATTACKED MY BROTHER!” yelled Lily, drowning out everyone else.

“Go on Potter,” Creevey said, raising his eyebrows. The five Slytherin boys were now scowling at Lily.

“We came in from a walk around the lake, and found Fauntleroy, Becket, Hadley, O’Neid and Nott attacking my brother” Lily said in a clear voice.

Creevey walked over and examined Albus, “He’s just stunned” Evan heard him mutter. “Is this true boys?” Creevey asked, standing up and turning around.

“It was just a prank for the craic” said O’Neid, obviously the ringleader of the gang.

“You stunned a fellow student, just for the hell of it?” Creevey asked, in a dangerous voice.

“Yes, but then Harietta Potter with her army of twits came charging in and started firing off fecking curses.”

“That is also obviously true, is it not Miss Potter?”

“Yes, sir.” Lily said completely unperturbed.

“Right,” Creevey said, “20 points each from Slytherin for unruly behaviour. O’Neid and Potter an extra 10 each for instigating the affair, and you will all report to Professor Lovegood for detention each Saturday night for a month.”

Evan was amused to see the faces of O’Neid’s gang blanche at the prospect of detentions with the winsome and eccentric Professor Lovegood, but he also clearly understood the implications behind Creevey’s decision to hand over punishment to Lovegood. Firstly, handing the punishment of the group of Slytherin students to the Head of Ravenclaw House neatly sidestepped any possible accusations of House-bias that could be levelled at Creevey. Secondly, having Lovegood (a dear friend to the Potters and fellow member of the Order of the Phoenix) administer the detentions meant that O’Neid and his friends would get an unusual and rigorous punishment, whilst Lily and her friends would in all likelihood merely have to assist the Professor in preparing for her next Care for Magical Creatures lesson.

As O’Neid and his gang of Slytherins slunk away towards the dungeon, the sizeable crowd that had amassed to watch the spectacle also began to disperse. Pushing through the crush of bodies towards Lily, her friends, and Professor Creevey, James muttered to Evan about the insane ways of his little sister. “Can we help at all?” Evan asked, as they reached the epicentre of the former chaos.

Lily ignored Evan’s question, “Fat lot of help you were when everything was going down,” Lily said instead to James.

“We got here just as Professor Creevey did,” James argued “What did you want me to do? Curse his face off? Mum and Dad would have my bollocks for–”

“Yes, thankyou Potter – James,” Creevey said, “If you and Dyer could take Albus to the Hospital Wing. Lily, Smith, Jones, King, if you would come with me to the Slytherin Abode, we’ll discuss this further with Professor Nathair.”

“My what a break in convention” Lily said archly.

“I could hardly say, ‘thank you Potter, could you and Dyer take Potter to the Hospital Wing, whilst you, Potter, come with me to Slytherin so we can talk to your head of House’, could

I?” Creevey asked testily. Muttering to himself, he led the four girls down to the dungeons.

“Well,” James said, hefting his brother and slinging him carelessly over his shoulder “That was fun. Let’s get Al to the Hospital Wing yeah?”

“Let’s,” Evan replied, amused.

“He’ll be alright won’t he?” James asked.

“I think so, just stunned.”

“Hmph”

“What?”

“Nothing”

“Are you still pissed off at me? Jamie seriously.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“No seriously, what?”

“I bet you can’t wait to go and tell Conyngham about this. Brag about how crazy the Potters are to him.”

“Okay two things. One, I didn’t have any intention of talking to Michael about this. Two, my younger brother and sister have in the past been sent to Australia and Italy respectively for the summer because they were that insane. And Three, my boyfriend’s name is Michael, James, I wish you could just use it. He’s important to me,” Evan said, with more force than he intended.

“That’s three points, associating with all those Hufflepuff’s like Conyngham is dulling your brains, Dyer.”

“You know what? Get fucked, Potter.” Evan said, storming off from the comical image of a spluttering James with his unconscious brother slung over his shoulder.

*

For the rest of the day, all the school could talk about was the duel that had occurred between Lily and O’Neid. Evan, however had spent most of the day fuming about his fight with James.

Later that night, as Evan lay curled up against Michael, taking comfort from the warmth of the arm against his hip, he glumly considered the fact that his best friend and boyfriend detested each other. Evan knew that if they got to know one another, everything would settle down. But they refused to talk to one another, their Quidditch pitch rivalry spilling out into their private lives. If only Evan could get them into the same place.

Suddenly Evan got an idea, and ignoring the overwhelming logic that warned him of disaster, he texted James.

Smiling to himself, he nuzzled into Michael and went to sleep.

Chapter 5: Bring out the harps

Summary:

In which there is a fight, an attack, and a rather large amount of pigheadedness.

Evan’s plan had been simple: get Michael and James to meet him down near the lake so that Evan could tell them to both grow up. For obvious reasons, the plan failed.

The moment the two had seen one another, they’d bristled like angry Hippogriffs. If it hadn’t been so irritating, it would have been hilarious.

The moment Michael spotted James, he’d turned to Evan and said in a loud stage whisper “What is he doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to him,” Evan replied.

As James reached them, he seemingly ignored Michael completely. “Hey Ev, what’s up?” Before Evan could respond, Michael had stepped in front of him. James merely looked at him, then looked at Evan. “What’s she doing here?” he asked, reminding Evan strongly of Lily at her worst.

“He is my boyfriend James,” Evan said, annoyed, “And James is my best friend. So I want you two to make nice.”

Michael regained his composure, “Okay Evan,” he said “I’ll try. Truce Potter?” he held out his hand to James. James merely looked at it.

“I’m not touching you, fairy.” he said, a note of distaste in his voice.

Evan saw red. “James, please tell me the reason you don’t like Michael and I being together isn’t because we’re gay. Because I think I would have to stop talking to you, forever.”

James looked slightly stricken, “Evan,” he began, reaching for Evan’s arm “I didn’t mean it like–” However before he could finish, Michael jumped forward. “Don’t you dare touch him you homophonic arsehole!” he yelled “He’s my boyfriend!”

“Get in line douchebag!” James retorted “He was my friend first, and I won’t lose his friendship to some Hufflepuff pretty-boy–”

There was a bang as Michael sent James flying backwards with a well-placed jinx. James leapt up and grabbed his wand, before Evan placed himself between them.

“ENOUGH!” he bellowed, “James, go away! I can’t look at you at the moment!”

“But–” James complained.

“Fuck off James. I’ll talk to you when I calm down, maybe. Now GO!” Evan yelled. James slunk off, looking crestfallen. Then, spying his smug expression, Evan turned on Michael, “What the hell did you do that for?” he yelled.

“I was defending your–”

“If you dare utter the phrase ‘defending your honour’ as if I’m some Damsel in Distress, I will end you Michael. I’m a better dueller than you are, I can do that.”

“Evan c’mon–”

“No, fuck off as well. I want to be alone so I can hate myself for thinking this would work.”

“Babe–”

“Just go, Michael!”  

Michael walked off dejectedly, leaving Evan standing next to the lake both upset and angry. He was just about to walk back into the castle when he heard his name called. Turning, he saw Lily walking towards him.

“Hey you” she said as she reached him.

Evan sighed, and gave her a half smile “Alright, Lily?”

“That looked fun,” she said smiling ruefully “My brother has a penetrating voice when he’s being childish.”

 “They were both being childish,” he said with another sigh “Like two bloody bulls butting heads over–”

“Another bull they both want to keep for themselves?” Lily said, her eyes glinting with suppressed mirth.

Despite himself, Evan laughed. “I suppose that’s exactly what it was,” he said, still laughing “and I get why Michael was so protective, but seriously, James was being such an arse!”

Lily laughed again. “As much as I’d like to say it’s just because James is an arse,” Lily began “It’s actually not. James is incredibly jealous of Michael.”

“What the hell for?” Evan said, confused.

Lily sighed “Our dad is Harry Potter. The Harry Potter. Lightning bolt scar, defeater of Voldemort, Champion of Hogwarts – everything. We grew up knowing that a lot of people would be friends with us, just because our parents are famous,” there was a sad tilt to her head that Evan had never seen before, “Before each of us started school, mum took us aside and gave us a piece of advice: ‘Find one or two true friends, who like you for you, and not for who your dad and I are’. And she was right. It took Albus and I ages to find people who liked us for us.”

“I had no idea, Lily I’m so sorry–”

“No! Don’t be,” she said with a tinkling little laugh “But you have to understand why we love you so much, and why Albus and I were so jealous of James when we were younger. The first day on the train to school, James met you. You didn’t care that he was a Potter, you just took him as he was, and Fi and Cass did as well. He’s always cherished you; I think is the right word, because you’re someone who he can be himself with.”

“I think I understand what you mean,” Evan said slowly “I mean I’ve always known that he lets a lot more of himself out with me, but I thought that was just because we were mates,” Evan became lost in thought, looking at his relationship with new eyes.

“And that’s why he’s jealous. He doesn’t want to lose you.” Lily finished.

“You know, you talk a lot about how you wish you’d been born an only child, but deep down you care about Al and Jamie.”

“I do, but don’t let them know that. But that’s why I want you to go easy on James, he’s terrified of losing you. Just try and reassure him.”

“Which is stupid, because I’ve actively repressed my feelings for him so that I don’t lose his friendship, haven’t I?” Evan said with a mixture of amusement and exasperation.

Lily gave him an arch look “You definitely seemed to have moved on from that! My friend Miranda in Hufflepuff tells me you and Michael seem to spend a lot of time in his bedroom. ‘Studying’”

“Ah yes, I do enjoy ‘studying’ with Michael.”

Relaxed, the turned arm in arm to head back up to the castle, when suddenly, darkness engulfed them both.

*

James was conflicted. As he sat in his Ancient Runes class – usually one of his favourite subjects, equal parts irritation, humiliation and concern warred in his mind. He was still highly irritated with Evan for the little coup he’d pulled by the lake that morning – the fact that Evan had seen fit to invite both James and Conyngham for some sort of armistice had been ludicrous. Conyngham and he had hated each other for years, for reasons neither of them could quite remember. James vaguely recollected that the reason stemmed from some sort of loyalty to Teddy Lupin – James’ god-brother – who had had an intense rivalry with Conyngham’s sibling.

He was humiliated because of homophobic remark he’d made in the midst of his anger. As always, James had been more concerned with saying the most hurtful thing possible to his opponent, rather than actually considering the ramifications of his words or the light in which they would paint him. James still flushed at the memory of Evan’s face, his grey eyes tightening, his perfect lips curling in contempt, and his light olive skin seeming to almost glow with shock and disgust. James was not, in fact homophobic. All his life he’d been surrounded by tolerance and understanding – his Uncle Charlie was gay for Merlin’s sake! Still, James vowed that he would make amends for his remarks, even apologise to Conyngham if he had to. He valued Evan and his friendship too much to jeopardise it for the sake of a cheap shot.

Thoughts of Evan of course, instantly led to concern. He hadn’t turned up to Defence Against the Dark Arts that morning, which in itself was unusual, since Evan and James excelled at the course, and were some of Professor Creevey’s best students. At lunch, after the double lesson, Professor Creevey and Professor White had come over to ask James, Fiana and Cassie if they’d seen Evan. James mentioned that they’d had a fight earlier that morning near the lake. The teachers had conferred for a moment, and then returned to the Teacher Table, both conversing with McGonagall.

Now however, it was nearly five o’clock, and Evan, along with Lily hadn’t been seen in over nine hours. James was beginning to panic, and only the presence of Professor White on their way to Ancient Runes had kept James, Fiana and Cassie from skipping class in order to mount their own search.

The bell rang, and James watched hollowly as Fiana began to calm the now hyperventilating Cassie when Professor White approached from the end of the corridor. “You three,” she called “I thought you might like to know that Mr. Dyer and Miss Potter have both been found,” she said “they’re currently in the Hospital Wing”.

The three spoke at once:

“Are they okay–?”

“What happened to them–?”

“Where did you find them–?”

White raised her hand for quiet. “They appear to be fine, if covered in curse marks. Unfortuntely we have no idea what has transpired – we found them hidden under a bush near the lake. They had obviously been moved. I trust that you will not wish to attend your Enchantment Tutorial Miss Hayden and Mr. Potter,” she said kindly “So you may go to the infirmary.”

They didn’t need to be told twice, running the whole way to the Hospital Wing.

*

Evan awoke in bits and pieces. His consciousness rose, seemingly from very far away and from a great depth, until he could finally open his eyes. For a moment, he was utterly confused. Seemingly seconds ago, he had been arm and arm with Lily, about to head back into the castle for his morning lessons. However, the darkness he could see out the window indicated that the sun had set some time ago. Weakly, Evan sat up, and upon looking around he realised he was in the Hospital Wing. Hearing a groan to his left, Evan looked over to see Lily lying in the bed next to him. “What happened–” he began.

However, before he could finish, there was a startled cry from the doorway, “Lily! Evan! You’re awake, thank god!” Albus cried, running to Lily’s side and hugging her.

“What happened?” she asked him.

“Yes,” Evan added “Do you know what happened?”

“You didn’t turn up for any of your classes,” Albus said, looking at them with concern “James, Fiana and Cassie were worried when you missed DADA and Ancient Runes Ev, and Lil, Alexandria King and Lara Jones were worried about you when you missed Potions Lily.”

“So what happened?” Evan asked.

“Well, when you hadn’t turned up by the end of the morning periods, the teachers started searching for you. They found you under some bushes, down near the lake, unconscious and covered in curse burns.”

Evan and Lily looked at each other, concerned. “Do you remember anything happening?” she asked.

“No, just blackness. Do you?” Evan replied.

“Yep, blackness.” She replied.

There was a pause in which the three looked at one another, and then Albus lent against a collapsible table and with a cut off oath, fell to the ground.

Evan and Lily were still laughing when the noise brought Healer Elderberry out from his office. Seeing Albus’ predicament, he rolled his eyes as the boy quickly got up,

“Oh, finally awake I see?” he said, coming forward to check Lily’s pulse “Your friends will be pleased, I just forced them to leave for the evening meal.” Bustling over to Evan and checking his temperature. “I don’t suppose either of you remember anything?”

Both Evan and Lily reaffirmed that they did not.

Elderberry scratched at his beard, looking thoughtful. “If it weren’t for the fact that you were both found face down and arm in arm, I’d have said you were duelling.”

“We definitely weren’t duelling sir,” Lily said.

“Hmph, there’s precedence with you Miss Potter.”

Evan laughed weakly, than flumped back onto his pillow, exhausted. Elderberry eyed him beadily, “You were both hit with the Exhaurientus curse, amongst Heaven knows what else. I’m going to start you on some restorative potions,” he looked at them, not unkindly “I need to go and collect a particular draught from the Potion master, please attempt not to injure yourselves further while I’m gone.”

“I wonder what he needs from Professor Trank?” Albus asked curiously.

“I have no idea,” Evan said “Now, tell me. What the hell happened yesterday? With Padraic O’Neid?”

Lily scowled, Albus however laughed ruefully. “I was in the toilets – escaping Rose and Scorp having one of their massive fights. You know, my cousin Rose and our friend–”

“Albus,” Evan interrupted wearily. “I grew up with your family. I know who Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy are. Get on with it!”

“Okay okay!” Albus said, “Anyway, I was in the loo, and O’Neid came up to me and err… propositioned me–”

“He means he asked Albus for a blow job.” Lily said, disgustedly.

“Yes, that,” Albus said “Obviously, I didn’t particularly want to comply, so I kicked him in the knackers and ran into the great hall, when one of his cronies stunned me–”

“And I came in and got a tiny bit emotional,” Lily finished.

“That’s the understatement of the century,” Cassie called through the doorway.

“Definitely,” Added Fiana, standing beside her.

“Oh, you is it?” Evan drawled. “Glad you could make it.”

They both laughed before sobering slightly. “We were really worried about you!” Cassie began.

“And before you ask, Michael couldn’t come because he’s on detention for missing class and looking for you–”

“And James was with us until Collins dragged him away for her birthday party.”

Evan swallowed disappointment. Lily however looked irritated, “Have you noticed how he doesn’t say no to her anymore? No matter what it is? Sluttina has him wrapped around her finger–”

“As interesting as that assessment may be Miss Potter, I believe it is time for everyone to leave.” Elderberry said, having just returned. He moved forward and pulled out a curtain divider so Evan could get changed. As he did so, Evan noticed that his phone had disappeared. He called over to Elderberry “Did they find my phone with me?”

“I don’t believe so lad,” the Healer called back, “You can ask Professor White tomorrow. Now are you in pyjamas?”

“Yes.” Evan called. The curtain was pushed back, and Evan found himself bustled back into the bed and then made to drink several different potions.

“Well, we should go,” Fiana said, coming forward to hug Evan, then Lily.

“We’ll make James and Michael feel really bad about missing you” Albus promised.

Evan laughed and lay back smiling at his friends. However as they left, and Evan lay back allowing Elderberry’s remedies to take effect, he couldn’t quite tell whether he was more disappointed by Michael’s absence or James’s.

*

Evan awoke in the middle of the night to a quickly cut off oath. Sitting up slightly, he looked around for the source of the noise, before the head of James Potter appeared from under the bed. “Jamie?” Evan asked with some confusion “What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” James replied hoarsely, “I’m re-potting an Exploding Wobbleberry bush aren’t I?”

Evan rolled his eyes at him. “A bit dark for it, wouldn’t you say?”

James laughed quietly. “Alright, I admit it; I’m here to make sure you’re alright, alright?”

“You used ‘alright’ three times in a sentence.”

“I’m a grammatical rebel like that Evan, now move your wand so I can sit on the bed and give you a hug.”

Evan obligingly placed his wand on the bedside table, before almost instantly being engulfed in a hug that smelled rather strongly of Firewhisky and Tokay.

“I’m sorry I was such an arse today, Ev” James said, his voice muffled against Evan’s hair, “I will try to like him, I swear. Just…” he hesitated.

“What?” Evan said from against James’ chest.

“Don’t let Mr. Fucking-Gorgeous steal you completely.” James finished, sounding sadder than Evan had ever heard him.

“Viviane and Ambrosius, James, if you’re going to hug me at least get on the bed properly” Evan said.

James, slowly complied, prodding Evan to make him sit up for a second, before placing a pillow behind Evan’s head and settling against the stone wall. “Better?” he asked laconically, settling his arms around Evan.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up” James said, his chest vibrating slightly.

“S’okay. Fi said that Belinda dragged you off.”

“Yeah,” James said “I know this sounds horrible, but I was already planning to come see you tonight anyway. Plus, I’m still trying to work out how to break up with Belinda.”

“You want to end it with her?” Evan asked, butterflies rising in his stomach.

“Mm-hmm,” James affirmed, while Evan crossly told the butterflies in his stomach to bugger off since he was now interested in Michael, not James. “She’s just getting to be too much drama,” James continued “and she’s not worth it. Some people you put up with drama for,” he adjusted his weight slightly, hugging Evan a little tighter, “but she’s not one of them.” He finished.

“Naww, sad,” Evan said.

“Liar.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Maybe the way I left the party, without saying goodbye might help” James mused. “Or the fact that I punched out O’Neid.”

“You had a fight with O’Neid?” Evan asked “Because of the Albus thing?”

“That, and the fact that he had your phone,” James said.

“Hmph, I should have known. He must have attacked us then.” 

“He can’t have,” James said “He was in the Great Hall being an arse when I stormed in after our conversation this morning. Plus we had DADA with him this morning.”

“Huh.” Evan said, yawning slightly. “I’m going to sleep now,” he continued.

“Okay,” James said, pushing a pillow up behind his head.

Evan fell asleep quickly, blissfully unaware of the stir that would be created the next morning.

*

When Evan and James awoke the next morning, it was to a distinct feeling of dread. The feeling was one that they had both experienced many times before, often following a particularly prodigious prank – such as giving every chair in the castle a voice, or turning all the statues into Emus. The feeling of dread of course originated from the fact that Lily Potter was plotting.

As Evan stretched and rubbed sleep from his eyes, he heard Lily clearing her throat. Turning to his left, he saw that Lily was sitting in a winged armchair, already in her uniform and with her hands demurely in her lap. Her eyebrows however, were smiling. That was the only way to describe the particular tilt that they held, as she observed Evan and James.

“Sleep well did you?” she asked, sweetly.

“You’re planning something Lily. What is it?”

“You will know in the goodness of time Evan my dear. Now get up, I sent an elf to get your uniforms.”

Muttering to himself, he got up, wincing at his sore calves, and walked past a heavily amused Trainee-Healer to the bathroom.

He was nearly finished with his shower when he heard James walk in. Evan heard him go into the adjacent cubical and turn on the water.

“She’s planning something,” James called, without preamble.

“I hope it’s another cutlery battle,” Evan called back. “That would be fun.”

“You were the one that did the cutlery battle, Ev.” James replied.

“Oh yes…”

“She’s up to something much more insidious,” James affirmed. “Like the time she taught peeves how to tap-dance, or the now infamous ‘Manipulation of Cassie and Celeste into having sexy times’, or the time she made everyone’s hair match their House colours.”

Evan grinned in spite of himself. “I’ll see you out there,” he said.

Evan was just pinning his Prefects badge to blazer, when James walked out, his hair tousled and his shirt half-unbuttoned, tie slung around his neck.

“You looked like you enjoyed your sleep, brother dearest,” Lily said to her brother archly.

“I did, Evan makes a good blanket. You should know, you used to try and trick him into sleeping in your bed when you were little,” James replied, showing that Lily wasn’t the only one who was able to play the game.

“Yes,” Lily bowed ironically to Evan “We do owe you a lot for being our cuddle pillow Evan.”

“Haha–” James began.

“As much as I’d love to stay and watch you two swap loaded witticisms all day, we should go get our school stuff and then have breakfast. We have Charms today, and I need to talk to Professor Nathair before class,” Evan interrupted.

James gave him an amused look, but nodded. “Yes, sorry, Lily. You can bait me about how you’re going to ruin my life later.” With that, James and Evan hurried off, towards the Gryffindor Abode, to pick up their school things.

As they left, Lily’s smile became even deeper. “Oh Jamie,” she said quietly to herself “I’m not going to ruin your life: quite the opposite.” 

*

Later that day, Evan, James and Fiana were in Potions listening to the large and jovial Professor Trank expound on the properties of the Butterfly’s Kiss antidote they were going to be making following the mid-class break. Having made the potion previously in Potioneering, Evan idly poked his wand at his chat square (as James so lovingly called them) to get Cassie’s attention.

“Oi,” he wrote “Binns bored you to sleep yet?”

“Surprisingly, no.” came the quick response.

Surreptitiously poking his wand at the paper again, Evan invited Fiana to the conversation.

“Evan! I’m taking notes.” Fiana wrote with an evil glance in Evan’s direction.

“Use mine, I’ve made the potion before.”

“You didn’t tell me this before why?”

“Umm hello?” Cassie interrupted “I have better things to do than watch you two discuss potions.”

Evan paused, considering his words carefully. “I have a problem.” He wrote at last.

“You still like James but you also still like Michael?” Cassie replied promptly.

“In a nutshell, yes. What should I do?”

“Date Michael.” Cassie replied.

“Date James.” Fiana replied, a second later.

“Thanks.” Evan wrote dryly.

Suddenly, a fourth hand entered the conversation.

“Oh hey guys,” James wrote “I didn’t realise we were talking. Especially since this is the most ridiculous potion ever.”

“Just take my notes, James. Fiana is too.”

“By Circe’s well rounded bosom, I slept so well last night.” Evan wrote.

“Why? Where did you sleep? You left Fiana and I to watch Sluttina grinding with that O’Neid freak.” Cassie wrote. Sluttina was spreading; Lily was good.

“I went to see Ev in the Hospital Wing, and ended up sitting behind him and using him as a duvet.” James wrote.

“He is good for that.” Fiana agreed.

“But yes, I looked over and saw that you two were chatting, so I let myself in.” James continued.

“You seem utterly unconcerned about Sluttina.” Evan pressed.

“Sluttina can do what she likes, as long as she’s good to my wang she can do whatever.”

“And we’re talking about James’s penis. Bye.” Cassie said, leaving the conversation.

“Charming James. Why not just break up with her.”

“You know that’s not my style. If I break up with her, then I’m the monster, and then the girls won’t come running to give me cheer up sex.” James wrote.

“You’re disgusting.” Fiana wrote, and then left the conversation.

“Now that they’re gone,” James wrote, giving Evan significant eye contact “What do you think Lily’s planning?”

They speculated on various possibilities for the next twenty minutes, before going on break – where Evan was forced to reconcile James and Fiana – afterwards they had no more time to speculate, as the potion was incredibly difficult.

*

Several weeks later, Evan and Michael were lazing on the grass following their Herbology lesson, talking indolently about that day’s class with Professor Longbottom.

“And then he smacked the Venemous Tantacula and it actually drooped like a kicked puppy. He’s amazing,” Michael was saying.

Evan was going to mention that he’d met Professor Longbottom a number of times at the Potters, however he stopped himself. He realised with a great deal of sadness that he would never be able to talk to Michael comfortably about his best friend.

Suddenly, he felt Michael’s eyes on him. “Sorry, what?” Evan asked “I got lost in thought.”

Michael laughed, and reached over and gently took Evan’s hand, slowly bringing it to his lips. Evan raised his eyebrows slightly, watching the weak November sunlight play across Michael’s tanned skin.

“You’re so weird.” Evan said.

“I love this time of year.” Michael said, his voice vibrating through his chest. Evan was uncomfortably reminded of the night in the Hospital Wing. Attempting to drive away the sudden wave of confusion that overcame him, Evan instead began drawing little circles with his finger, just above Michael’s knee.

“Why do you love this time of year?” he asked.

“Because it reminds me of when I was little,” Michael replied “My parents and I lived with my grandparents on their farm in Berkshire, while we renovated our house in Devon. They kept Hippogriffs, and just…” he stopped, lost in memory. “It was small, but there was something nice about living in each other’s pockets like that, don’t you think?”

Evan bit his lip, once again embarrassed by his family’s wealth. “Uh, I have no idea, actually,” he said “My parent’s house is fifteen-thousand square feet.”

Evan felt Michael’s breath hitch. “That’s… big,” he said.

Evan ploughed on resolutely, “Our townhouse in Belgravia is only eight-thousand square feet, the pent-house in New York is five-thousand, my father’s father lives in an eleven-thousand square foot house south of Sydney, and my mother’s parents have a seven-thousand square foot palazzio in Northern Italy. My family is wealthy, and old.”

Michael sat up, so that Evan’s head was now in his lap. “I thought all the really old pure-blood families were either in Slytherin, or were wiped out during the war.”

Evan sighed, feeling a dark cloud move over the conversation. “When I say my family is old Michael, I don’t mean a couple of hundred years of pureblood inbreeding,” he began “I’m talking a family history that can be traced back to a freed slave in the Roman Republic. My family has been everywhere, married into most of the major magical families, not just in Britain, but in Germany, Norway, Italy, France, Russia, Australia, the US, and South America.”

Michael’s eyes widened as Evan warmed to the subject. “Dyer ancestors were sent by the Temples to assess the magical merits of the conquered Celtic peoples in Roman times, nearly a thousand years later, a Dyer Duke was part of Richard the Lionheart’s Magical College, and in later generations, Dyers were sent out into the British Empire by the Ministry to ensure the proper establishment of magical settlements.” Evan went on “From the moment we can listen and understand, we are taught our heritage. We’re taught how to walk, how to talk, how to be engaging and interesting, and elegant without being gauche. Magic flows through our veins, and in the past some British purists thought that that made my family special. But it doesn’t. Magic flows through yours as well. The War proved that blood status and wealth aren’t the most important things.” 

There was a long pause. Michael’s cheeks reddened slightly, and he suddenly looked very nervous. “Only my dad, his parents, my sister and I are Wizards, and my parents have a mortgage with the Muggle bank.” Michael said. “Does that matter?”

Evan furrowed his brow in confusion, “No? Not in the slightest.” Evan replied.

“I think they’d like you.”

“Yeah?”

“You should come meet them over the Christmas holidays.”

Evan smiled and pulled Michael’s head down for a kiss. He was happy, life was good.

*

The next day, cracks began to appear in Evan’s happiness. He was heading down the marble staircase to the great hall for lunch, when he came across a sight that chilled him to his very core. Lily Potter and Amelie Chant were standing near the entranceway, talking. It was a harbinger of doom. Before he could even react, they were calling his name.

“EVANDER!” They called in unison.

“Merlin and Morgan” Evan cursed, walking down the stairs to join them.

“What’s up?” he asked, reaching them.

“Our mothers sent us owls, Nico. Well, your mother sent a Phoenix, but still. The Dyers and the Chants are uniting for a massive Christmas Party, and I was just giving Lily her invitation.”

“And I was asking her if she knew where you are,” Lily added “Because mum wanted me to remind you that you said you’d be at our place for some of Christmas.”

Evan stood there for a moment, taking in the situation. Then he sighed. “This should be fun.”

“Why?” Lily asked.

“Michael invited me to his place too.”

“So? You, Collins, Chiaki, Ferguson, Richards, Lyons and Fiana got permission to take the Apparition test early.” Amelie provided.

“… I’d forgotten about that.” Evan said. “I’m going to be so tired.”

“Oh ho ho, Michael packing your stocking is he?” Lily asked.

“Have you seen his Partridge in a Pear Tree?” Amelie inquired.

“Has he led you home tonight with his ‘bright red nose’ Evan?” Lily pressed

Amelie gasped “He’s a Hufflepuff! Has he found things for you?” They were both cackling now.

“Is he a good finder Evan? Is he?” Amelie added.

“Have you decided to follow the age old adage of ‘Save a broom, ride a Quidditch player’?”

“Has he–” Amelie didn’t finish, Evan had turned she and Lily into of all things, a pair of radishes.

“Excellent Transfiguration work, Mr. Dyer,” a voice came from behind him. Evan turned, spotting Professor McGonagall.

“Thank you Headmistress” he said gravely.

“I suggest you leave before I untransfigure them.”

“I’ll take that to heart, ma’am,” Evan said, walking into the great hall.

Spotting his friends, Evan walked over, and sat down, motioning them to listen. He was just about to tell them what happened when Amelie flopped down beside him.

 “You turned us into radishes!” She said, with mock outrage.

James paused with a piece of chicken halfway to his mouth. “What?”

“We were this close to being worn as earrings by Professor Lovegood!” Amelie cried.

“Oh come on, she’s been wearing Gryffindor lions this month, very different,” Evan replied.

“What happened to bros before hoes?” she asked.

“Now Amy, I turned you into a root vegetable, you were already a hoe.”

A couple of first years began to titter. Cassie looked up from her manga raising one eyebrow.

“Must you bicker in front of the children?” Fiana asked.

Amelie and Evan looked at each other for a long moment, before looking back at Fiana. “Yes,” They said together.

Chapter 6: Sunbryer

Summary:

In which there is a train ride, a swimming pool, and some reminiscing.

December came to Hogwarts. To Evan, the month seemed to pass with a flurry of activity. Gryffindor still recuperating from their shock loss to Ravenclaw, flattened Hufflepuff in their second match of the year. Evan and Fiana and Cassandra took their apparition tests – all passing, and James was given clearance to take his test in January. The midterms came and went, with James, Evan (and to everyone’s surprise) Fiana studying feverishly, whilst Cassandra followed her usual formula of anime and meltdowns. Evan’s relationship with Michael intensified, and in a stunning victory, there seemed to develop some kind of wary truce between James and Michael. Their civility was overdone and cautious, but Evan relished in the fact that he could be in the same room as them. 

All in all however, it was with some relief that December 14 arrived. Michael, Fiana and Cassandra had all left the evening before, so Evan found himself enjoying the train ride with a compartment full of Potters and Weasleys.

Evan was staring out the window, bored of watching Lily, Rose and Albus playing exploding snap, when James plopped down beside him.

“What are your plans for tonight Ev?” James asked. Evan looked at James, almost instantly perceiving the real intent behind James’ question.

“Nothing,” he replied, deciding to play the game, “Just hanging at home with the family.” 

“Ah, family,” James replied dramatically. “It must be nice to live in a big house like yours–”

“Jamie,” Evan laughed “Your house, while smaller than Sunbryer and Dyer House, is still huge.”

James gave a mock sigh, very much aware that Evan understood his intent. Laughing, Evan conceded defeat “Jamie? Would you like to stay a couple of nights before I go to Michael’s?”

“That’s a brilliant idea Ev! Where do you come up with these things?” James smirked at him.

“I’ll go call mum,” Evan responded, rolling his eyes.

Walking out into the corridor, Evan called his mother. The call was picked up almost immediately, before a crash and a startled exclamation blared through the speaker.

“Hello?” Evan asked, confused.

“Hello you’ve called Madame Dyer’s phone, how may I assist you?” came the voice of his mother’s harassed factor, Lacy. Suddenly the commotion made sense – despite growing up with Muggle parents, Lacy did not deal well with modern technology.

“Hi Lacy, is my mum there? It’s Evan.”

“Oh Evan sweetheart, yes of course, I’ll just put you through.” The line went dead. Looking heavenward, Evan waited for his mother to call him back.

Just under a minute later, his phone rang

“Hello?” he asked.

“Hello Nico sweety – No Lacy, it’s fine, I’m talking to him now. Yes, go and ask what the Minister wants.”

Evan smiled, organised chaos was definitely one way to describe his mother’s working life.

“Are you there?” he asked.

“Sorry darling, Lacy was just being, well Lacy. Then the Undersecretary to the Minister stopped by. So why did you call anyway my darling, you haven’t gotten pregnant have you?”

Evan heaved a mock sigh. “You got me, I don’t know who the father is though, either James, Michael or Amy.”

“Oh Nico! A possibly incestuous pureblood lovechild? Your grandmother will be positively thrilled!”

“No she won’t, it’s with a Chant, not another Dyer.”

“Hmmm… that’s true. Now seriously though, everything’s alright? You’re still happy with young Michael? You’re on the train now aren’t you?”

“Yes to all three mum. Actually I called because James wants to know if he can stay over for a couple of days.”

“Oh that’d be lovely!” she said, “Your siblings will be delighted to have something new to break.”

Evan laughed “I thought of that.”

“Oh before I go, your father’s meeting Eleanor and Elijah, but I’m assuming you’re apparating?”

“Yeah, pretty much. See you tonight?”

Evan was just about to walk back into the compartment, when an unmistakable voice sounded from behind him, “You two timing slut!” Evan turned, coming eye-to-hair with none other than Belinda Collins.

“What delusion are we having now, dear?” Evan asked, icily.

“You’re trying to steal my boyfriend, you two-timing–”

“Oh grow up Belinda,” Evan turned to leave.

“Gay men can’t be just friends with other men. Just like women can’t be friends with men, there’s always sex involved,” she said. Evan turned back around.

“I’m sorry? Is it 2020 or 1964?” He asked her. Before she could respond, James poked his head out of the compartment.

“What’s taking you?” He asked Evan, before spotting Belinda. He narrowed his eyes, “What are you doing Collins?” he asked, his usual warmth completely gone.

She looked at him, her mouth slightly open. “I- I was just telling Dyer here to stay away from you, because you’re mine.”

Evan’s eyes became positively glacial. “What exactly do you mean by that, Sluttina?” he asked.

“Yes,” James said, staring at the girl. “What exactly do you mean by that?”

There were several gasps from the various students eavesdropping.

“You- you’re my boyfriend,” Collins said uncertainly “I don’t want you associating with this fag.”

Evan felt his lip curling in contempt, James however commented first “You don’t choose my friends, I do – especially since you spent most of yesterday’s Herbology lesson with your skirt up for O’Neid behind the greenhouse. Go back to your compartment, we’re done.”

“WHAT?” she screeched.

“You and I,” James said slowly, pointing to her them himself with exaggerated care. “We are no longer dating. Go and fuck a lamppost.”

“I HATE YOU!” Belinda screamed.

“Whatever,” James shrugged.

As he watched her flee however, Evan was aware that the declaration of hatred had not been targeted completely at James. Shrugging he walked back into the compartment, not noticing the person who had been standing very still further down the carriage, their eyes seeing all.

*

As the Hogwarts Express pulled into Kings Cross, Evan and James discussed their plans for the afternoon as they moved down the train, or rather, James discussed their plans for the afternoon, Evan was still caught up on the whole break up thing.

“And we can totally go swimming in your weird indoor heated pool, you still have that right?”

“Yes we still have it. I can’t believe you broke up with Collins like that”.

James gave him a vastly amused look. “Why? It’s not like you liked her or anything?”

“No, but I assumed you did,” Evan shot back.

James sighed. “I did at first, but then I found out she’d been sleeping around.”

“Hadn’t you?”

“No, actually Evander, I hadn’t.”

“Huh.” Evan said, “I guess you’re not as slutty as I thought you were.”

“Thanks awfully,” James said.

“Don’t be snide dear,” Evan said. “It doesn’t become you.”

James burst out laughing. “Please never call me ‘dear’ again!”

Evan grinned impishly at him, “I thought you might like that, Oh man, what did that girl you dated in fifth year use to call you?”

“Studmuffin?” James groaned.

“Yes! Not even a real word.”

“Oh come on, it’s not as bad the name that girl used to call you in her love notes back in second year? The name she overheard Eleanor and Elijah discussing?”

“Oh, Natasha! She used to call me ‘Grey Eyed King’.”

James turned to look at Evan, tilting his head slightly. “You do have grey eyes, so it sort of worked,” He said finally, pretending leer at Evan.

Evan laughed, but then sobered again “Hail to thee, o, immovable pain. The young grey-eyed king had been yesterday slain,” he quoted.

James looked at him again, completely mystified. “What’s that from?”

“Its part of a poem, my Oma used to tell it to us when we were kids.”

“Your mum’s mum?” James asked, his eyes shining with curiosity. Though Evan, Eleanor, Elijah, Eugene and Amelie had talked of Nicodemus and Oriana Chant constantly throughout the years, Evan’s friends had only met them once.

“Yeah,” Evan said “You’ll see them at the Christmas party. Aunty Eva and Dad have both told Grandmother that they will have her committed if she makes a scene.”

“You know, we’ve known you for years and it still confuses Cassie and amuses Fiana that your Mum and Amy’s dad are siblings while your dad and Amy’s mum are siblings.”

“I know!” Evan laughed, “You on the other hand seem strangely fine with it.”

“Eh,” James shrugged as they finally reached the platform, “You love who you love. Anyway, how are we getting to your place?”

Evan grinned at James, holding out his arm.

“Hold on tight.”

A moment of restriction later, they stood before the front steps of Dyer Hall, in between two icy puddles.

“How the hell, did you manage to avoid those puddles?” James asked, heavily amused.

“I have no idea. Let’s get inside, it’s bloody freezing.”

“Best idea ever,” James agreed, shivering.

“WONKY?” Evan called. Almost instantly there was a loud crack, as Wonky the House-elf appeared, wearing one of the most fantastically lurid outfits Evan had ever seen her adopt.

She was dressed in what appeared to be a French Maid’s outfit, done up entirely in blue and red, with fluorescent green polka dots. On her head, however Wonky was wearing a hat shaped like a fruit bowl, complete with fruit.

“Master Evan! Master Jamies,” she said, coming forward. “How are you both? Would either of you like some fruit?”

“Hey Wonks,” Evan said, as he and James both forced down giggles. “Could you help us with our trunks?”

“I’ll take an apple,” James said, a smile hovering on his lips. “Thanks Wonks.”

“Oh of course, please, come inside both of you.” She toppled slightly, nearly losing some grapes, before correcting herself, before with a crack; she and both the trunks were gone.

James turned to Evan “You know, I think I might marry her one day, be damned the scandal.”

 “Come on you lunatic, let’s go inside.” Evan laughed, moving carefully up the front step to the front doors.

Once inside, Evan and James were hit with the warmth that only magically heated homes could ever truly manage. “Mmph,” James said through his apple “Thmps momph mph–”

Funky, the Butler-elf, impeccable as always in his mini suit, stepped forward to take their coats, gave James an amused look and Evan a toothy grin.

“Swallow.” Evan instructed.

“You wish gay boy,” James said, having successfully managed to ingest the massive bite of apple he’d taken.

“No,” Evan disagreed “I have Michael for that now, you’ve been relegated.”

James gave a mock gasp “You two have finally?” he made a strange wave-like gesture with his hands, followed by a grunt and moan.

Evan chose to ignore the question and instead focused on removing his scarf, jacket and jumper and giving them to Funky.

“I’ve always loved this ceiling,” James said looking up at the domed ceiling, its intricate gold and blue decorations lit by the weak December sunlight pouring in through the windows, “I love the fact that the blue, gold and white is everywhere in the house.”

“Yes, well it’s the Dyer colours,” Evan said, with disinterest.

James however, was right. All the ‘public areas’ of Dyer Hall, or Sunbryer as it was also known, were sumptuously decorated in various shades of the family’s colours of azure, gold and ivory. Everything from the blue and white in the marble floors, to the celestial blue and gold ceilings, the tricolour walls, to the velvet curtains, were coloured in accordance with the family crest. It was just one of the many idiosyncrasies, and accordingly Evan had long since ceased noticing. James however, was still staring at the ceiling.

“Merlin’s saggy arse-cheeks James, stop looking at the ceiling and come up, or do you not want to go for a swim?”

James jumped slightly, and then grinned at Evan, before racing with him up to Evan’s suite.

Evan and Eleanor lived on the third floor of the Eastern Wing of the house, far away from Eugene and Elijah in the Western Wing, and their parents in the Northern Wing. When the Dyer family had decided to relocate back to Britain from overseas in order to occupy the family seat when Evan was six, it had been (wisely in Evan’s opinion) decided that Eleanor and Elijah should be separated. Their propensity for troublemaking whilst they had been living in Europe and the United States had been mind-blowing; from the breaking of windows, to the disappearance of clothing, to an incident involving a herd of apparently telepathic deer that no one had ever been able to adequately explain. As they’d grown older, and boredom combined with volatile natures had seen them enter into a perpetually waged war of practical jokes, the decision had payed off nicely.

That day of course, Eleanor and Elijah had yet to return with Evan’s father, so the wing was quiet. James reached the door a second or so ahead of Evan, who bowed, gallant in defeat. James of course, yelled a battle cry that caused Wonky and the new Elfin servant, Boris, to fling themselves behind a suit of armour in fright. 

As they entered the suit, Evan nearly sighed with relief. His mother had only been joking about redecorating. The room remained the same.

James stopped and stared. “This looks slightly different.” he said, taking in the new bookshelves, TV, and computer system that sat in the combined study and sitting room. “I like the new TV, it’s…”

“Able to pick up the new Quidditch channels,” Evan said.

“Okay,” James said, looking at him with excitement “I was going to say ‘bloody big’ but I like yours better.”

“That’s what he said” Evan quipped.

James groaned. “You did not just say that,” he said walking towards the double doors to the right side of the room and entering into Evan’s bedroom. Evan on the other hand, walked towards the left side of the room, entering the massive closet to find his swim trunks.

A minute or so later, James padded into the closet, wearing nothing but his boxer-briefs – a sight that caused Evan to resolutely focus on his task. “How did they know?” asked James.

Evan began searching in the drawers beside his various suits, so distracted it took him a moment to reply. “How did they know what?”

“To set up a bed for me in your bedroom,” James said.

“Who knows, mum probably summoned Boris and got him to do it.”

“Wait, Boris?” James asked in confusion.

“Yeah the new elf: Wonky’s ‘assistant’ slash non-crazy helper. Technically his title is ‘Houseman’ I believe.”

“So let me get this straight,” James said, beginning to laugh. “You have, Funky, Skanky, Twinky, Wonky and Boris?” he asked.

Evan having found two pairs of swim trunks, eyed James with amusement “If it makes you feel any better, dad was telling me that Skanky and Wonky have already started calling him Hunky.”

“Oh man, I love your family’s elves.”

“Now take these,” Evan said, handing James the red pair of trunks “and go get changed in the bathroom.”

James made a derisive noise, snatching the trunks and casually pulling down his boxers. Evan made a strangled noise and turned around.

“What?” James asked, apparently entertained by Evan’s reaction. “It’s not like you’ve never seen me naked before.”

Whilst technically true, this did not erase the swell of feelings that the sight of James’ broad shoulders and firm and attractive body had on Evan. To hide his confusion, Evan instead resorted to the old Dyer standby, sarcasm. “Yes James, but remember there exists a thing called ‘modesty’, perhaps not in your vocabulary”.

*

James moved quickly down the hall from Evan’s rooms, luxuriating in the feel of the thick blue carpet against his bare feet. To be fair on Evan, nipping him on the neck probably hadn’t been James’s best idea; Evan was already no doubt fuming, and plotting some sort of public snog-attack in retaliation – something that James would not have found particularly unpleasant if he was perfectly honest. Still, there was something about Evan that brought out the worst – or as his mother liked to call it ‘the Weasley’ – in James.

Something about shattering Evan’s calm, unruffled and even elegant demeanour, and unleashing the erratic and passionate lunatic beneath, deeply appealed to him. It was because Evan was James’ connection to reality. While Fiana provided a certain amount of grounding, she was still slightly flighty, Cassandra perpetually stood just seconds from bursting at the seams, Evan however was always there to tell him things like “Stop it Jamie, you’re being stupid,” or “No, James, that prank would kill two thirds of Scotland, don’t,” or to calm him down when he was enraged, or to simply sit with him, when he needed to just be.

It was because of this that James had watched with increasing sourness as his fellow students began to notice Evan. His grey eyes, dashing smile and trim body had attracted more than one appraising eye, and James had waited with childish gloom for the inevitable moment when Evan would no longer have time to be his best friend anymore. 

As he walked through the house towards the conservatory, he once again marvelled at the sheer immensity of the Dyer household. Everywhere the eye travelled, it was assaulted with the sheer luxury of the place, so much so that for an irrational moment James dearly wished to pull off some sort of destructive prank. He decided not to however, as the Dyers had in the past proven to be adept at seeking comedic revenge.

He walked into the conservatory and stopped, impressed despite having seen it many times before. Instead of tiles, there was a thick carpet of lush lawn, intercepted by overflowing flowerbeds and flourishing trees bearing both blossoms and fruit, and while outside sleet and rain fell from an iron grey sky, inside the air was warm and seemed to tingle. There was about the place a perceivable air of ancient magic, enchantments of fertility, light, peace, warmth in winter and coolness in summer permeated the air, moving through the magical breeze which caused the leaves on the trees to rustle very slightly. Beyond the mere ancientness of the magic however, there existed something else. A certain quality of… Dyerness. A sense of pristine beauty, conscious elegance, and the bull-headed determination to have things a certain way, regardless of silly little things like time, the seasons and the weather.

Spying the large swimming pool in the centre of the room, James made a whooping noise and made a running dive into it. With a splash, he entered the warm water, and swam languidly towards the waterfall; idly watching Ares the Gryphon preen himself by the water’s edge. As he waited for Evan, James reflected on the day. Breaking up with Belinda had been the right thing to do he decided. She’d been fun, vivacious even, but her constant ‘visits’ to O’Neid and various other boys, combined with James’ own lack of true affection for her, had left him with no alternative. If nothing else, the act had helped repair the rift between James and his siblings and friends. Her constant hero-worshipping of both his parents had made it very clear that James wouldn’t be able to take her home. His mother had warned him, after all, of the dangers that people like Belinda posed. Besides, James mused, he had a real chance of making it as a Quidditch player. Scouts from the Appleby Arrows, Falmouth Falcons and Winbourne Wasps had all contacted his parents. If he worked hard enough, it was possible that James could even earn a place on the English Quidditch team, and he didn’t want to jeopardise that for anything. 

James’ musings were interrupted at that moment when he was splashed in the face with a wave of water. Spluttering, James looked up to see that Evan had utilised his strange ability to move noiselessly, and was just a few feet away, grinning. With a grin of his own, James entered into the fray to wage war.

*

It was late in the afternoon on the following day when, following The Battle of the Swimming Pool (involving Evan, James, Eleanor and Elijah) Evan and James were relaxing on the grass, pretending to sunbathe, when Boris suddenly appeared at Evan’s elbow.

“Is phone for you, Master” he said, in a thick Russian accent.

“Err, thankyou Boris” Evan said, quirking an eyebrow and taking the phone from the elf.

“Who is it?” James mouthed.

Evan shrugged and answered the phone “Hello?” he asked.

“How much do you love us, Evan?” The voice of Cassie McAllister asked.

“Hmmm, I don’t know. Is this on a particular day? Have you charmed my shoes to kick James in the face–”

“I did that once Evan and I still maintain that it was ‘accidental’–”

“Okay, why do you want to know?”

“My parents have decided to become nudists.”

Evan took a moment to let the statement sink in, ignoring the faces James was making at him.

“I- I thought you and Fi were staying with them for a few days for some ‘family time’?”

“We were, but family time suddenly included nakedness.”

“Pack your things, you and Fi are staying here. Oh and bring something to swim in.” He hung up, and turned to look at a very confused James. “Cassie’s mum and dad have decided to become nudists.”

James burst out laughing, “Her parents,” he gasped. “Aren’t even from this planet, I swear.”

“I know!” Evan replied, “Still at least Celeste is coming in to see her over the break.”

“There is that I suppose” James said, as Evan flipped over onto his stomach.

James eyed Evan’s back, quirking an eyebrow. “How is that even possible?” he asked.

“How is what possible?”

“It’s winter, and yet you have a band of freckles on your shoulder, and on your nose.”

Evan shot him a vastly amused look. “I have freckles on my back?”

James nodded, “Plus you have olive skin; I thought the two were mutually exclusive.”

“I have light olive skin, but I don’t think that excludes the possibility of freckles, besides, your one to talk about freckles,” he said, pointing to the light smattering of freckles across the other boy’s nose, cheeks and arms.

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s bad skin!”

“Okay, you need to stop focusing on my skin now, it’s weird.”

“I like your skin.”

“You like my skin?”

“Your freckles make you cute. Fiana and I discussed this last time we were stoned.”

“I don’t know whether to be amused or appalled that you’ve discussed my skin with Fi.”

“Multiple times actually,” he said, his hazel eyes twinkling. “We always seem to discuss you when we get on the grog or the gillyweed.”

Evan turned over onto his side, looking directly at James. He was just about to make a scathing remark when Funky appeared with a crack.

“Mademoiselles Hayden and McAllister have just apparated,” he said perfunctorily, “in a pool of icy water I believe, shall I go and assist them?”

James and Evan sniggered “Please, and bring them here.”

As Funky disappeared with another crack, Evan suddenly realised the error of his words. “Oh no, I hope he doesn’t–” Evan began

Fiana and Cassandra suddenly appeared with the familiar cracking sound, looking very surprised.

“… Just teleport them here,” he finished, shaking his head.

James began to laugh in earnest, while Evan got up and hugged them both.

“Hey you two,” he said. “Glad you could make it, sorry about your parental nudity.”

Cassie shrugged “They named me ‘Cassandra Evangeline’ it was bound to happen eventually.”

Fiana however was eying Evan and James speculatively, taking in their bare chests and trunks. “We didn’t interrupt anything did we?” she asked archly.

James tilted his head and frowned at her “Yes, actually,” he said.

Cassie and Fiana exchanged glances, “What were you two doing?” Cassie asked.

“Well,” James replied “I was winding Evan up by talking about his skin, and he was about to hit me.”

 Evan nodded “It’s true.”

Fiana pouted at them, “How completely normal.”

*

That night in an unprecedented show of good cheer and civility, the Dyers plus James, Fiana and Cassandra sat down for a hearty family meal. “The term of course was relative,” Evan thought, “considering the ‘hearty family meal’ was served (much to both his parents amusement) on eighteenth century china, by a house elf who was payed more monthly than most made in a year.” Still, Evan’s parents had cooked the meal together, serving the salad, spaghetti bolognaise and risotto without ceremony.

When Fiana asked them where they had learnt to cook, Evan’s mother had merely laughed and informed her that before they were Mr. and Mrs. Dyer, they’d been Erasmus and Sigrid, two teenagers living in London against their family’s wishes. Cassandra and Fiana looked at Evan with wonder, while James – who’d heard the story many times before – simply rolled his eyes.

Erasmus smiled at his wife “You started this,” he rumbled. “You finish it.”

“Let’s see,” Sigrid mused. “I was born in London, the child of the German-Danish Chant family – who’d just emigrated from Copenhagen, we were comfortable, not massively wealthy, but we got by,” she continued.

“So not like the Dyer’s then?” asked James, in spite of himself.

Sigrid laughed. “Not at all, this is before Erasmus’ great-uncle had died, leading to the return of the Dyers to Britain.”

“So, you grew up relatively normal?” Fiana asked.

“I did, I went to Hogwarts – in the same year as your mother, James – and was sorted into Ravenclaw. My parents were quite vocal in their disapproval of Voldemort and the puppet regime, both of them coming from families that had been quite viciously targeted by Grindelwald and his supporters during the Purge. My father in fact, was born in Nurmengard,” she said, her eyes very far away. “When the anti-Muggle legislation began to be enforced, we fled to Denmark, then Germany, and finally Italy – where my parents still live for half the year.”

They all watched Sigrid in rapt silence.

“After the Battle of Hogwarts and the Restoration, I returned to Britain with my brother Christopher – against our father’s wishes. He cut us off, leaving us to fend for ourselves. Still, we were resilient, we lived in a tiny little flat in King’s Cross – both of us working for the Ministry” she paused to take a sip of water “Anyway, it was about this time that Equilinus Dyer, Erasmus’s Great-great-uncle died. He’d had no children, and so had left everything to Erasmus’ father, Pyronicus, including the deeds to the various Dyer properties scattered about Britain, Europe and North America. He’d also left a stipulation in his will that meant that Pyronicus and Ximena could only inherit if they moved to reoccupy Sunbryer. So the Dyers moved to Britain.”

“That seems a bit mean,” Fiana pointed out.

“Very” Cassie added.

“I’ve always thought so,” Evan agreed.

“Yes, it created quite a lot of tension and conflict in my family,” Erasmus rumbled.

Sigrid eyed them with amusement. “Anyway, Ximena was in her element. She’d been raised in Britain, and it wasn’t long before the Dyer family was the toast of all the ‘proper circles’ if you will.”

Erasmus made a face at her from his seat beside the fire, and she laughed.

“Anyway, by this point I was, eighteen or nineteen I think, and had just moved into a fabulous but tiny apartment in Islington, when my brother called me, raving about this beautiful girl he’d met named Evelina, and begging me to come to this New Years Eve party with him”

“Oh my god,” Cassie said.

“Quite. So I turned up to this party filled with the children of privilege – sons and daughters of high-ups in the ministry, a couple of Quidditch players, toffee-nosed purebloods, you know the sort – and Chris introduced me to Eva, and she and I got on really well. But after a while of course they did as two twenty-one year olds were wont to do and went and found a bedroom, while I was left to try and find someone to talk to.”

“No way,” Fiana said, her mouth open slightly.

“Anyway, I was just about to leave and give up, when this tall, grey-eyed man, tripped over the prone form of the Captain of the Chudley Cannon’s and spilt his drink all down my beautiful vintage dress.”

Evan, Eleanor and James laughed, knowing what was coming next. Erasmus walked over and sat down next to his wife, taking up the narrative. “Well what was I to do?” he asked “I’d just spilt my drink all down the dress of the prettiest girl at the party my sister had dragged me to, and she was looking at me as if she would like nothing better than to hex my eyebrows off. So I offered to help her – whipped out my wand and dried the dress, and offered to get her a drink.”

“He was very smooth,” Sigrid said. “Took me to a Muggle pub a few blocks down, and we talked for hours.”

“Finally, when it was nearly midnight, we decided that it would be best to wander back to the party to find our siblings. So we returned to find that Eva and Chris had only just realised we’d gone missing, and we counted in the New Year together”

“Anyway, things developed as they tend to. Everything was going well, until we met the parents.” Sigrid sighed. “Pyronicus was fine, a bit old world and distant, but fine.”

“My mother, on the other hand, was disgraceful. She referred to Sigrid and Christopher as

‘The German’s’, to their faces I might add, and invited over several ‘more eligible’ matches for us to meet.”

“Eva and Erin were furious, and we all stormed off.”

“This is better than As the Cauldron Bubbles,” James said, making everyone to laugh.

“After that, I didn’t see my mother for over a year. Sig and I lived together in London; she was making her way up in magical law, while I worked at the Leaky Cauldron. Over the fourteen months that I didn’t see my mother, I began thinking. Recent laws James’s grandfather pushed through, left a market for magically altered Muggle products to be sold to the Wizarding World.”

“So after talking it over with me, he went to his father, and made a business proposition to save the floundering Dyer Industries.”

James, Cassie and Fiana were all very wide eyed by this point.

“Taking over control of Dyer Industries, I slowly began building it up. Years passed, we moved around a lot, setting up my business. The children were born, we got married, and our relationship with my parents thawed a little. When the Muggle world entered its ‘Global Financial Crisis’ I struck: Dyer industries bought up production plants – we diversified into electronics, clothing, toys, medicine, aeronautics, weaponry. Muggle Science and Wizarding Magic combined, and MantiCore was born.” He paused, his eyes bright “By backing the Ministry and its modernising and reformist agendas, the Wizarding World was dragged kicking and screaming into the Twenty-First century.”

“We owe it all to you?” Fiana asked.

Erasmus laughed, “Not quite, but I helped.”

“Anyhow, we decided to move back to Britain in 2010, after Pyronicus and Ximena separated. We were no longer just Sigrid and Erasmus, now we were Sigrid Dyer – the Merlin’s Council – and Erasmus Dyer – the visionary behind MantiCore. Still, we both remember how we used to be, and hopefully our children won’t be complete snobs.”

“Mum!” Evan, Elijah Eleanor cried in unison.

“Oh, sorry dears. Hopefully they will become less snobby with age.” She said, smiling wickedly at her children.

Eleanor gave Evan a significant look, “She’s getting witty on us” she said. “The baby photos and embarrassing stories are soon to follow.”

“I agree,” Evan replied, offering his arm to his sister, “It’s time for a movie.”

“Your room?” she asked.

“Let’s do it.” Arms still linked, they skipped blithely up to Evan’s rooms, followed by their bemused friends and cackling brother.

Chapter 7: Youthful Exuberance

Summary:

In which there is melodramatic dreams, uncomfortable situations, rather a lot of skin, and a letter.

Evan was dreaming. He was running down a worn, ancient road, its edges lined by elaborate stela which partially blocked the jungle behind. What he ran from, or to where, he did not know, in the distance however, he could hear yelling in a dozen languages. It was dark, but he seemed to have no trouble seeing – the strange stars seemed to burn in the sky. After a while he realised he was not alone, running beside him was lithe form of a panther.

“Where do we run?” its voice seemed to sound in his head.

“I don’t know.” He replied in the same way.

“You will in time, cub.”

Slowly, almost inexplicably the terrain began to change. The trees slowly changed from Evergreen to deciduous, and the idols along the side of the road changed from stela to marble statues, to standing stones, and then finally to rune stones. It began to snow, and then quite suddenly Evan ran out into a clearing.

In the very centre of the clearing was the strangest sight Evan had ever seen; a ladies sitting room without walls, furnished impeccably with the costliest cabinets and lamps and sideboards. In the centre of room, draped in elegant furs, and sitting at ease on deep violet canapé sat Oriana Chant.

“Come,” she said in impeccable Danish, “We must talk, you and I.”

Evan stood there, silently taking the scene in.

His grandmother smiled. “Come,” she said again “B’alam will make sure they do not harm you whilst we talk.”

Hesitantly Evan moved forward and sat beside her, watching as the panther settled on the deep Persian carpet, ignoring the snow falling around it. “What are we talking about?” He said, also in Danish.

“You have two paths,” she said “One takes you to the heights, the other to the depths. Both will define you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“On the heights, you will find your heart, then lose it, then find it again.”

“And the depths?” he queried.

“As you descend you will find your mind, but your heart will become a stone, forever locked.” She drew from her robes a great sword, engraved with runes, “You must take this, and choose wisely.”

“How will I know which is which?”

“You will not, but remember this. Both paths are paved with daggers, each seeming to be the other. You will suffer on both, but you alone with choose if your suffering is in vain. Go now.”

Evan took the sword, and looked curiously at the ornate hilt. When he looked up, she was gone.

“Come,” the Panther said, moving towards an opening in the trees. “They grow closer.”

Evan moved after the panther; however it was hard going, for the blizzard raged around them in full force. In the distance he could hear the voices growing closer. Suddenly the path opened out into a great cliff, the panther sitting at its edge. As Evan moved closer he saw that he had two options. To his left there stood an arch carved with bats and birds of prey, behind it a set of steps leading upwards. To the right, there was an arch carved with stags and lions, with nothing behind it but a sheer drop.

“You must choose.” The panther said.

“I don’t–” Evan began, before a blood curdling scream sounded from behind him. Evan turned in time to see a doppelgänger, armed with a mighty axe.

“What–” he began to say, before the axe fell, and suddenly it was morning, and he was wide awake.

He was just calming down, when Elijah walked into the room. “What the hell was that?” he asked.

“What was what?” Evan said, confused.

“You totally just shouted ‘No!’ in your sleep. Must’ve been a hell dream?”

“Yeah, it was… Actually you know what? It was pretty damn melodramatic.”

“Yeah?” Elijah asked, his grey eyes sparkling. Evan nodded, grabbed his phone and his wand, and walked past the sleeping forms of James, Fiana and Cassie and out of his bedroom. “Like something Charles Reade would dream up. There was a path, and a… animal, and then Oma was sitting in her salon in the middle of a snow storm, and then I killed myself.”

“What, like suicide?” Eli asked, “Oh Nico, that’s so fifteen years ago.”

Evan laughed, “No I mean like,” he searched around for the right words, “I was standing at a cliff, and then there was a yell, and I turned around and it was me, with a bloody big axe, and the Axe-me killed me.”

“This is so much more interesting than my dream last night,” Elijah said as they headed down the stairs, “I dreamt that a giant pigmy puff was trying to steal a bucket filled with fanged tomatoes.”

“Oi, we’re dissecting my dream here. Leave yours ‘til after!”

“Oh, so guess who got in last night, drunk and smelling like perfume.”

“Oi!” Came the voice of their brother Eugene from across the hall. “How about some respect for the heir to the Dyer name eh?”

He walked forward pulling his brothers into a rough bear hug.

“What’s happening lads?” he asked.

“Not much–” Elijah began.

“Excellent Hobbit, can you go tell Skanky that Ev and I will be in for breakfast in a sec?” he noticed Elijah’s slightly hurt look, “It’s to do with a fashion choice.”

“Going,” Elijah said, disappearing into the dining room.

Evan looked at his brother in a bemused fashion. Eugene’s actions were highly erratic, indicating that he was worried about something. Evan decided to let Eugene start the conversation.

“I need your help,” Eugene said, sounding nervous.

“Okay, with what?”

“I need to find a ring.”

“What type of ring?”

“An engagement ring.”

“Oh Gene sweetie, the thought’s lovely but that’s incest, and it would make Grandmother far too happy.”

Eugene laughed “Not for you dickhead, for Sarah, I’m going to propose.”

Evan grinned. “That’s amazing! I knew you would!”

“So will you help?”

“Of course, we’ll go into London today yeah?” Evan said, “We’d better leave James and Cass and Fi here though.”

“Totally, it won’t take long.”

Grinning at one another, they walked into the dining room for their breakfast. 

*

James drifted out of sleep feeling more refreshed than he had in months. He looked at his watch, and upon realising it was ten past twelve, leapt up. As he walked out into Evan’s main room, nearly bumped into Fi and Cass, both of whom looked bleary eyed.

“Where’s Ev?” he asked.

“I dunno,” Cass said. “Try the closet?”

“No dear, he’s definitely not in the closet,” Fi smirked.

James returned her smirk and walked towards the closet. Just as he entered the room, there was a burst of surprised laughter from the bathroom. Moving out again, he found Cass and Fi standing at the doorway, giggling at the scene in the bathroom.

The room was steamy from the shower, giving the light streaming through the skylight a strange diffused quality; amidst it all standing side by side at the mirror stood Evan and his brother Eugene, both of them shaving. Evan was shirtless, and around about halfway done with his shave, Eugene fresh from the shower, was wearing nothing but a towel, and had only just begun to shave. James took a moment to marvel at how similar the two brothers looked. They were practically identical in terms of height, build and mannerisms, both of them had the same shade of grey in their eyes, and they both had the same dry humour. When they were younger, many at Hogwarts had assumed that Eugene and Evan had been the twins, before remembering that they were in different years.

“This is exactly like this anime I love!” Cassie said, “Well except that the brothers are sleeping together–”

“And you’re done,” Fi interrupted her, looking over and smirking at James. Something about the situation left him feeling uneasy.

“Hey guys,” Evan said turning towards them, having finished his shave, “You’re all up late.”

“It’s only midday,” James said, feeling slightly sheepish – he didn’t like sleeping beyond noon, it made him feel like he’d wasted half a day.

“How long have you been up?” Cassie asked.

Eugene looked at them in the mirror and grinned. “Five hours, three cups of tea, one trip to London, nine thousand galleons.”

James blinked at Eugene. “What did you spend that much money on?”

“Don’t be rude, dear,” Cassie said.

Waving aside her objection, Evan grinned at his friends. “An engagement ring for Sarah, a new phone for me, and morning tea,” he said, walking over to the sofa and grabbing his t-shirt.

“Ooh, what phone?” Fi and James cried.

“iPhone 12.” Evan said smugly.

James was flummoxed. The iPhone 12 had only been released to the Wizarding market the previous day, and Evan already had one. “I don’t believe it. How did you manage to get one?”

“I got four actually, one for each of you as well.”

There was a generalised sound of squealing as Fiana and Cassie piled on top of Evan. James danced around for a second, and then piled on top of him as well. Eugene watched from the door, heavily amused. “It wasn’t all rainbows and moonshine though,” he said, walking over and helping Cassie and Fi up, “There were quite a few angry people from the Traditionalist faction outside the store. It was literally only the fact that the Potters happened to be nearby that stopped them from getting nasty with us.”

“Mum and Dad were there?” James asked from on top of Evan, mystified.

“At Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes,” Evan said, his voice muffled by James’ chest.

“Yeah, after your mum performed the Curse of the Living Bogies on Wilhelmina Crowley and Septimus Speggle, your dad turned Patrick McDougle into a toad, and I stunned five of the Nott boys, they backed off a bit.”

“Wait, you attacked them?” Cassie asked.

“No, Eamon O’Neid cast the Exhaurientus curse on a young witch coming out of the store, and went for Evan. Mr. Potter arrested him,” Eugene growled.

“Huh, wouldn’t have been the first time he’s had it cast on him,” James said, without thinking. Evan shot him a dagger-laden look.

“What’s this?” Eugene asked, pulling Evan up.

“The accident I had at school this term,” Evan said sullenly, “It wasn’t just a small accident – someone cursed Lily Potter and me.”

“You mean the one where you told mum and dad that you were just messing about and knocked each other out?” Eugene said his voice dangerous.

“You didn’t tell them?” Cassie cried.

“I didn’t want them to worry!” Evan said defensively.

“You are the second son of the richest man on the planet! Seriously Evan! If someone attacks you, they need to know! It might not have been a student! The Exhaurientus Curse is a powerful dark spell!”

“But I was fine–” Evan began, as Cassie and Fiana inched behind James.

“It doesn’t matter if you were fine Nico!” Eugene yelled with exasperation, “There are hundreds of Witches and Wizards who despise our family for introducing muggle concepts and products into the Wizarding world. Everything, from the production of magically-imbued microchips in high-tech devices, to the televising of Quidditch games, to the debate about digitising the currency – all of it is blamed by the Traditionalist factions in the Wizengamot and the International Confederation on Dad–”

“I know Eugene, I’m not stupid–”

“Now, now children, we don’t fight with each other, that’s what guests are for,” the amused voice of Sigrid Dyer sounded from the doorway.

“Mum!” Eugene and Evan said in unison, both looking sheepish.

“Hi Mrs. Dyer,” Cassie said brightly from behind James.

Sigrid turned her amused gaze on James and the two girls, shivering slightly in the corner. “Call me Sigrid dear, please. I’m not my mother-in-law.” James grinned at her in relief, and he heard Fi and Cassie taking shaky breaths.

“Do you know about what happened to Nico this semester?” Eugene asked quickly, as Evan pouted first at his brother, then at his mother. James nearly laughed, a pout looked so out of place on Evan’s face – although it had to be said that it sort of worked too. James made a mental note to force Evan into more pout worthy situations in the future.

“You mean the one where Evan and Lily Potter were attacked by – according to Minerva McGonagall – either the son of that scum O’Neid, or possibly Belinda Collins?” Sigrid asked, sweetly.

“Ah, yes?” Eugene asked, baffled.

“Yes, we did.” 

 “How?” Evan asked.

“Please Nico,” she said, looking at him with derision “Did you really expect Minerva McGonagall and Bridget White to not tell the parents of two children attacked by dark magic that they were attacked?”

Evan hung his head, Eugene looked slightly smug.

“The Ministry has agreed to postpone a full inquiry until after the Hogwarts staff has had time to conduct their own investigation. They’re waiting until after the Christmas break to question O’Neid and Collins, however Minerva also indicated that she believed someone else may have been behind the attack. You know little goes on at that school without her knowledge.”

James looked sympathetically at his friend, he knew all too well the trials of having famous parents.

“Speaking of that,” Evan said suddenly, “Can I talk to you Mum?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Of course dear,” She said, leading him out into the landing.

“I wonder what that’s about?” Fiana asked curiously.

“I have no idea.” Eugene said.

*

The next day didn’t so much dawn, as slowly transition from black to grey. Yesterday’s rain and sleet continued to fall on the East Kentish countryside, although snow had yet to make an appearance this far south. Still, the air was bitterly cold, and the house-elves had been obliged to teach Sigrid a remarkable spell they had used to envelope themselves in a nimbus of warmth whilst clearing the marble driveway. Sigrid’s excitement had only been matched by the wrenching feeling of guilt felt by the elves for not teaching her the spell first, for although their enslavement had ended, they were still somewhat secretive of their magic – by habit if nothing else.

The confliction of the elves however, paled in comparison to the existential crisis that faced James Potter as he awoke. The previous evening, James, Evan, Cassie, Fiana, Eugene, Eleanor and Elijah had all piled into Evan’s suite to watch Guardians of West, the latest Hollywood blockbuster to smash into the Wizarding World. Afterwards, Eleanor and Elijah had left, and the quartet had played drinking games as they watched New Zealand obliterate the United States 380 to 70 taking a shot every time New Zealand scored. In the end they’d all passed out or fallen asleep. This was not the issue, James was no stranger to falling asleep in a cocoon of friends, or even once or twice, in a cocoon of more-than-friends. He was not however, prepared for being nuzzled by Evander Dyer.

There was no other word, James decided, to describe just how Evan was clinging to him. James was sprawled across the longest of the three sofas, and Evan was slumped across him, his face buried in James’ collarbone. Sometime between the Kiwi’s third goal and their ninth, James and Evan had lost their shirts, and now James was painfully aware of the warm and silky feeling of Evan’s chest against his own. James could even feel Evan’s heart beating in his chest, and smell the faint woody scent in his slightly curling hair. The real problem however, lay in the fact that James felt himself enjoying the experience immensely. This was subtly different from waking up sprawled next to Evan after a big night, different even from the night in the Hospital Wing. The combination of Evan’s warm skin, beating heart, and lightly fragrant hair seemed to profoundly affect James, confusing him deeply. Evan mumbled something in his sleep, and ran his hand down James’ side; sending electrifying tingles through James’ body, and James decided it was time to move.

Carefully, he inched sideways from underneath Evan, agonizingly aware of the feel of Evan’s skin against his own. Finally, he was free, and Evan was still asleep. Thankful for once that his best friend was a heavy sleeper, he looked down at his chest, remembering the feel of Evan’s skin against his own.

*

Evan awoke suddenly, to the sound of James, tripping over and landing on top of him. Or at least, that’s what his brain told him after a few seconds of staring at the pearl and azure ceiling blankly, wondering vaguely why he was suddenly wet.

“James?” he asked, still slightly groggy.

“Yes, sorry,” James’s voice said from somewhere near Evan’s right ear, “I tripped and fell on top of you?”

“How? You’re the most accident prone-less person I know.”

“I don’t think ‘prone-less’ is a word Ev.”

“Jamie, you’re wet, and on top of me wearing nothing but a towel. You don’t get to do that unless you buy me dinner and a drink. Get off.”

James laughed in a slightly deranged manner, and got up instantly, overbalancing. His concern for not letting his towel drop (in a most un-James-like fashion) however, meant that he tumbled over and landed on his back on the carpet, where he continued to laugh in a strained manner.

Confused, Evan poked his head over the end of the sofa, looking down at his friend. “What the hell has gotten into you today, Jamie?”

“Nothing,” James said, scrambling up and heading into Evan’s room to get changed.

“Nutso” Evan said to himself, as he too, got up and decided to go and have a shower.

As he turned the water on, he heard the TV go on in the other room, indicating that James had decided in his infinite wisdom to wake Cassie and Fiana. This was confirmed a second later by the sound of Fiana kicking an amused James in the shins, before fiddling with the door for several moments and walking into the bathroom, muttering irritably to herself. She headed towards the vanity seemingly unaware of the fact that Evan was in the shower.

“Ah, Fi?” Evan asked, as the petit blonde suddenly froze, her eyes resolutely on the floor.

“There isn’t a curtain in your shower, is there?” she asked, resignedly.

“Afraid not,” he responded, “It never seemed necessary, the bathroom being just mine and all.”

“You should fix that,” she said, still resolutely staring at the floor, “What if people stay over, and then, you know, need to wash their face?”

“Well, I don’t know Fi,” Evan said “That’s kind of what the guest rooms are for. But if you need to wash your face, I’ll turn around.”

“Bless you!” she cried, quickly washing her face, and heading back towards the main room. Before re-entering however, she paused, an evil grin on her face, “Nice arse by the way.”

“Thanks dear,” he replied, without skipping a beat, “all the broom riding I do.”

Evan smirked as she shut the door behind her, and was nearly done with his shower when Cassandra – also playing with the door for several seconds – entered. Unlike Fiana, Cassie instantly noticed Evan’s nakedness, her reaction was to make a loud ‘Eep’ noise and topple backwards.

“WHY ARE YOU NAKED?” she yelled into the bathroom.

“Because it’s my bathroom,” he called back, “also, I locked the door.”

“Well we picked the lock, didn’t we?”

“And I am completely fine with you both doing that,” Evan said genially, wrapping a towel around his hips and walking towards the door, “However, I feel we should all acknowledge the fact that my nakedness was safely behind a locked door.”

“Yes?” Fiana called.

“So I feel that any undue distress directed at my person in regards to said nakedness, should be tampered by the fact that you had to actively pick a lock in order to come into contact with it.”

“Why should we have to be punished because you didn’t have the forethought to make it harder to get into your bathroom?” Cassie asked, slowly getting up with a slight wince.

Fiana nodded. “I agree.”

“Well, obviously Ev!” James said, walking into the room, “You should have made it harder for them to get in! You know, by installing a moat filled with crooning Manticores, ten metres of steel, and a Cretan Maze.”

“Maybe an antechamber filled with deadly lasers, and a portal curse?”

James flashed a grin at him “Definitely couldn’t hurt.”

Fiana pouted at them both, “Why you so mean to Mama?”

Cassie was already beginning to complain bitterly about her sore head. Evan rolled his eyes and walked through to the wardrobe.

“You people make me sick!” he called in disgust. “Here I am, naked, and all you can do is complain about it. No compliments, no ‘Oh I see you’ve been working out Evan’, nothing.”

“We do love you really dear,” Fiana called back.

“I just love you better without having to see your penis,” Cassandra added.

“Well I’m certainly not cutting it off for you Cass, sorry,” Evan called back.

“It should also be noted,” Fiana added “That James did not in fact register any complaints regarding your nakedness.”

“So,” James said quickly “What’s on the agenda for today?”

“Up to you guys really,” Evan replied, as he attempted to find a jumper, “I’m easy.”

“Well,” Cassie said, sounding excited, “I did happen to bring with me a very excellent–”

“Stop,” James commanded.

Evan smiled to himself, knowing what was to come.

“Is it an anime?” James asked.

“Yes,” she started, but this one is different “The magical dildo Quee–”

“Okay seriously, no.”

Evan sighed, walking out into the main room. “Let’s go see if my dad has any new animals in his menagerie, yeah?” he asked.

The mood in the room brightened instantly upon the suggestion. Upon his death, Evan’s Great-Grandfather had bequeathed the custodianship of a number of magical beasts to his grandson. The bequest had included a herd of unicorns, a pack of Re’em, a flock of Gryphons, several Demiguise, six Phoenixes and an extremely enigmatic Sphinx. Horrified at the thought of maintaining what he considered to be a zoo, Erasmus had been torn between exasperation and amusement when the Ministry of Magic had informed him that none of the non-native creatures could be returned to the wild under International Wizarding Law. The Sphinx – ironically named Isis by the Dyer’s – however had suggested that Erasmus care for the creatures as instructed, and that they in turn would serve the Dyer family – an act that had turned out to be a great boon. The Gryphons had become competent and affectionate guardians, roosting in the eyries built for them at the top of the house. The unicorns had been settled in the woods in the north of the Sunbryer Estates, where they appeared to aid in the maintenance of the estates magical wards. The Re’em and the Demiguise had settled in the west of the estate, ironically taking refuge in the centre of the hedge maze, or labyrinth as Evan’s grandmother called it. The Sphinx had moved to the Library, were she had – for reasons known only to herself – taken on the role as the family’s librarian. The Phoenixes of course, had settled in the house – each one seemingly adopting a member of the family. Evan’s Phoenix Myrmidon, was currently in Evan’s bedroom, once again viewing Fiana and Cassie’s attempts to coax it away from Evan with amusement.

Over time, the Dyers had grown used to looking after their magical friends (Erasmus was biting with anyone who called them ‘pets’), and recently had begun to be expand upon the collection, purchasing a number of magical birds for the conservatory. At first they had simply purchased enchanted songbirds, however the previous day, his father had informed him that a flock of Fwoopers had been purchased. With that in mind, he led his three friends towards the conservatory.

They trooped down the stairs and out of the western wing of the house, pausing long enough for Cassie to banish a boggart that emerged from behind the linen-closet door that Funky and Boris were attempting to fix. From there they marched down the marble stairs into the central hall of the house, past portraits of Evan’s ancestors (who appeared to playing a spirited game of croquet, stolen from a portrait in his parents rooms), through the ballroom and past Twinky who was gibbering as Wonky (stark naked but for a pair of black stilettos and a dog collar) whipped her with a parsnip yelling “YOU WILL REVEAL THE LOCATIONS OF THE CANNIBALISTIC LETTUCES.” Finally, they emerged into the conservatory, coming face to face with the Fwoopers.

There were seven of them all, each a different colour – red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple and pink – perched happily in one of the Acacias, their madness inducing voices thankfully silenced.

“St Vivian of the Holy Lake!” Fiana swore, “They’re… bright.”

“Very,” Evander agreed fervently.

“The brightest,” James affirmed.

“I like them!” Cassie crowed “I wish I could wear colours like those!”

The other three looked at her, identical expressions of amusement written plainly on their faces.

“What? They’re pretty.”

“They are very pretty,” Evan agreed.

“Then why shouldn’t I dress like one of them?” she asked, somewhat confused.

“Because you have fashion sense?” James queried.

“And you want to be different from your parents?” Fiana asked.

Cassie pouted, and then made an extravagant sigh. “I suppose it’s for the best then, that I don’t wear clothes like that.”

Evan turned around, hiding a smile. As with James, Cassandra’s outbursts were not always genuine, but rather part of an elaborate ruse to both unbalance her friends and live up to their expectations of her. None of his friends were remotely simple, but then Evan mused, human beings never were.

“You lot,” he muttered under his breath “are all fucking mad.”

Cassie, being close enough to hear, grinned impishly at him. James and Fi both looked at him quizzically. Before anything they could ask for clarification however, a Patronus – shaped like a leopard – soared through one of the windows and landed silently before a bemused Evan. From within the Patronus came the vexed voice of Amelie Chant “Dyer, answer your phone,” she commanded “I’ve been trying to call you for the last three hours.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Fiana said.

Evan however, had already begun to act, pulling his wand from the pocket of his jumper, “Expecto Patronum” he incanted, watching as a jaguar erupted from the tip of his wand. The patronus turned, looking directly at Evan.

“Ooh, pretty!” Cassie cooed, before suddenly clapping her hand to her mouth.

“Mandatis Ferre” Evan thought, casting the spell to imbue a patronus with a message. The jaguar looked at Evan questioningly, waiting for the message. “Amy,” Evan began, “You’re over seventeen, if you need to see me, apparate. In the mean-time I’ll check my phone.” Apparently satisfied, the patronus sprinted off in the same direction that Amy’s had approached from.

“Did you–?” Fiana began, her voice strangled.

“He did!” James said his eyes wide with horror.

“You idiot!” Cassie finished for them, “You’ve still got the Trace on you!”

“So?” Evan asked, entertained by the identical looks of shock on his friend’s faces.

“The Trace, Evander,” James said, obviously nettled by Evan’s nonchalance “You know the powerful enchantment that allows the Ministry to detect underage magic?”

“You mean the utterly non-specific, generalised spell the Ministry has that allows it to detect that magic has been used in close proximity to someone who is not yet of age?” Evan asked.

“Yes Evander, that,” Fiana responded with exasperation.

“Relax; they’ll just assume that either you or Cassie did it,” Evan said soothingly “The Trace is actually pretty fucking useless as such things go. Particularly when you take into account all the magical wards Sunbryer has over it.” He scratched his nose, and almost absently remembered that Amy had tried to call him several times. “Accio Phone” he said, waiting patiently as the phone soared through the house and into his outstretched hand.

“I… don’t know how I feel about this,” James said, sitting down on the grass.

“What’s the point of the Trace then?” Cassie asked, sounding slightly outraged as she too, sunk to the ground.

There was a slight rustling behind them, “To discourage people from practicing underage magic,” came the irritated voice of Amelie Chant, “It doesn’t actually matter how effective it is, it’s more the fact that it’s maintained.”

“But what if Cassie and I weren’t here?” Fiana queried, flumping down next to Cassie.

“That would be different.” Evan said, throwing his cousin a lopsided grin, “What’s wrong anyway?”

“Is there any history within the Dyer family of insanity?” she asked.

“The family’s over three thousand years old, Amy, there’s bound to be.” Evan said, sitting down on the grass beside James and putting a blade of grass in his mouth.

“Wait,” Cassie said, looking at Evan with surprise “You’re family is that old?”

“Yes Cass, it is,” James said, rolling his eyes at Evan.

Amelie however, was still staring at Evan, one eyebrow raised. “Stop that,” she said “It makes you look like a farmer, or one of Dyer ancestors from when they lived in the Australian or American colonies.”

“Wait,” Cassie said again, “The Dyers have lived in Australia and America?”

Evan turned to look at Cassie, mystified. “Cassandra, I was born in the States,” he said “My dad was born in Australia – thus the accent.”

“Oh,” Cassie said, blushing slightly “I didn’t know that!”

Amelie was staring at her in amazement “Have you actually met Evan?” she asked.

“Anyway,” Evan said, stepping in to keep the peace, “What has Aunt Eva done to make you question the sanity of the Dyer line?”

“She’s setting conditions on me going to Kinghaven!” Amy burst out angrily, sitting down beside him.

Evan raised his eyebrows with surprise. Kinghaven College, was the secret thirty-ninth college at the University of Oxford, devoted entirely to the study of Advanced Magic. Its students were drawn from Oxford’s forty-four other colleges and halls, where they studied towards the Muggle portion of their Double Degrees. From an early age, both Amy and Evan had wished to study at Oxford, and for the majority of their lives their parents had acceded to this desire. If Evelina Chant had changed her mind, or was setting conditions, there was a high possibility that his own parents would do the same.

“What conditions?” Fiana asked, her voice dripping with reason.

“They don’t want me to have a boyfriend to begin with, and they’ve told me I have to keep up good marks or else they won’t pay for me to go.”

Evan closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. “But you don’t have a boyfriend,” he said to her.

She looked at him with a slight pout. “I know.”

“In fact you’ve said on several occasions that you’d rather die than date any of the idiots at Hogwarts,” James supplied.

“I would.”

“And you’re Head Girl and top of your class,” Evan added.

She bit her lip, looking at Evan “That is technically true I suppose.”

Evan had a sudden flash of insight. Today the early acceptance letters to Kinghaven arrived. His cousin wasn’t upset about the conditions her mother has set, she was nervous about opening her letter.

“You have the letter here I take it?” he asked her.

“I– yes,” she said, “How did you know.”

“Amy, we’re related, twice. Give me the letter.”

Cassie opened her mouth; however Evan interrupted her before she could speak. “Say nothing troll, I know that you know Amy and I are double cousins. You’re just rib-picking.”

Cassie grinned, while Amy handed Evan her letter with shaking hands. Evan quickly opened it, and read it, his face expressionless.

“Well?” James said, voicing Amy’s desire to know the results. 

Chapter 8: We can burn brighter than the Sun

Summary:

In which the contents of a letter are divulged, a disastrous dinner party is held, and our protagonist spends an inordinate amount of time on his knees.

James, Fiana, Cassie and Amy were all looking at Evan with baited breath.

“For the love of chocolate, Evan!” Amy said with frustration “Tell me now, or I will kill you, I swear!”

“Do you want me to read it?” Evan asked, keeping his face carefully neutral.

“I’ve been rejected haven’t I?” she said, lying back on the grass.

Evan tilted his head, his eyes twinkling slightly.

“Do you want me to read it out loud?” he said again.

“Do it,” she said with resignation.

“Okay,” he said, adopting an official sounding voice.

Dear Amelie,

I am pleased, on behalf of Kinghaven College (in conjunction with Balliol College, The University of Oxford, and the Ministry of Magic), to offer you a place for admission in October 2021 to read Advanced Magic and Law, a 4-year course. This offer is conditional on obtaining the following grades in your forthcoming NEWTs:

O, O, O, O, O, O (the equivalent to A*, A*, A*).

Could I please ask you to let me know as soon as possible, preferably within the next 22 days, if you do not intend to accept this offer? This will enable me to offer any places that are declined to other applicants and will also enable us to inform the Department of Magical Education on our decisions on all applicants by January 31.

Confirmation of our offer will be sent to you via the DME and you should indicate your decision by returning the slip to the DME in the normal way. Please notify this College immediately if there is any discrepancy between the College decision and the DME notification.

It should be noted that Balliol College should contact you within the next three to four days to inform you of your admission to that College to read Law (the Muggle portion of your degree) conditional to you obtaining three A* marks. Please do not panic, as the DME will of course fabricate the necessary marks, and where necessary modify the memories of examiners and UCAS board members (per Educational Decree 9472/paragraph XXIV/section b), as a matter of course. We need not remind you that the International Confederation of Wizards’ Statute of Magical Secrecy will still apply to you, and you will be briefed by your tutors in subsequent communications.

Your attention is drawn to the attached statement regarding University and College fees (inclusive of those for Balliol.)

If you accept the place at Kinghaven and Balliol, please send me both the College acceptance forms duly completed (do not send them to Balliol)

It should also be noted that no matter what room style you choose, it will be given the greatest magical protections possible.

Congratulations on your success; I hope you will achieve the required grades and subsequently enjoy your time at Kinghaven.

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Athena Goldberg

Tutor for Admissions.     

He finished, looking up and grinning at Amy, who was still lying on her back in the grass squealing with excitement.

“Give it here!” she said exuberantly, “Let me read it!”

He wordlessly handed her the letter, watching while Fiana and Cassie danced about excitedly.

“You did it A, you got in!” he suddenly grinned evilly at her “It’s a shame you didn’t go to Mag-da-len.”

“It’s pronounced ‘Maudlin’ you dick.” Amelie said imperiously, before poking her tongue out and getting up to dance around with Cassie and Fiana.

“Yes, very maudlin,” Evan said, smirking at James “If I get in, I’ll probably apply for New College or Merton or something.”

James’ hazel eyes crinkled as he tried to repress his laughter as Cassie nearly fell in the pool. Then he turned back to Evan and cocked his head to one side. “So you’re definitely going to go for Oxford then?”

“Well yeah, I’m not cut out for a job in the Ministry – we both know I’d get irritated and turn everyone into Broccoli,” he said, as Cassie actually did fall into the pool, “Besides a double degree from Oxford in PPE and Advanced Magic could open a lot of doors for me.”

James shrugged. “I still think you should go out for a Quidditch side.”

Evan rolled his eyes – he and James had had this argument many times before. “That’s your dream Jamie, not mine. I love Quidditch, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think I want to play professionally.”

“I just don’t want to see you end up missing it like my Dad did is all,” James said.

“I’m not your dad.”

“A fact for which I am eternally grateful, Dyer,” James drawled.

“Why exactly is that, Potter?”

“Well, I love my dad – but he just doesn’t have the same flare for the good-natured contravention of certain heavily redundant ordinances that you do,” James said piously, “and of course he’s married to mum, and so is less capable of distracting various important figures with a tousled collar and a charming smile, while I carry out said good-natured acts of chicanery.”

“Jamie, you’re more often than not the one chatting up the girls while Fiana or I perform the ‘good-natured act of chicanery’ as you so charmingly put it.”

“Now you know that isn’t true! Sometimes I get my dear cousins Fred or Louis, or my esteemed brother Albus to do the deeds.”

“Fred and Louis only help with pranks when we decide to collaborate James, you know that.”

“He’s right Mr. Conceited,” Fiana called from the pool.

“What’s a boy to do?” James said “Everyone picks on me! Maybe I should just go home tonight!”

“You are going home tonight James.” Cassandra called, as Amy attempted to dunk her, “Evan’s going to go see Loverboy on Lover’s Farm in near Loverton in Lovershire!”

“Oooooh,” James crooned, “Loverboy!”

Evan decided to take immediate action: he picked James up threw him in the pool.

“FOUL!” James yelled, pulling Evan into the pool.

*

It was around three o’clock when Evan apparated at the end of long country lane on the outskirts of Ivybridge in Devon. Predictably, it was raining, and Evan’s hooded-cloak and umbrella were doing very little to aid him in keeping dry and seeing where he was going. Suddenly, there was a shout behind him, and Evan turned to see Michael walking up the lane towards him – looking for all the world like a famer in his jumper, jeans and wellingtons.

“Why are you wearing a cloak?” Michael asked by way of greeting, taking Evan’s bag and hugging him tightly.

“Long story: one of the House Elves magically sealed my closet, so I had to borrow clothes from my older brother,” he tilted his head, “Actually that wasn’t really all that long.” He said, pulling Michael’s face to him and kissing him soundly for several moments.

“Hi.” Michael said, grinning as they pulled apart, “You can borrow clothes from me if you need to.”

“Thanks, but Gene said he’d lock Twinky in a cupboard get one of the other elves to lift the enchantment and send me the clothes,” Evan said, linking arms with Michael as they walked down the lane, “Where are we going by the way?”

Michael however was looking at him with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment. “You have House-Elves? Oh, and we’re going to my house, it’s just down the road.”

“I can’t wait to see your house,” Evan said, grinning. “Also, yes we have House-Elves. I mean they’re payed and everything. But we have them.”

“And one of them is named ‘Twinky’?”

“Yes. There’s Twinky, and Skanky, and Funky, and Wonky, and Boris.”

There was complete silence for a moment, the only sound the steady thump of the rain on Evan’s umbrella.

“Boris?” Michael asked Evan.

“Yes, Boris. My parents hired him because Wonky is becoming a little… insane.”

“More insane than the one who sealed your wardrobe?”

“Oh Twinky isn’t insane Mike, she just hates me.”

“Why?”

“My brothers and I hid from her when we were little?”

“Your life is insane.”

“That’s why I have you; you’re my dose of sanity,” Evan said, leaning his head against Michael’s.

“We turn down here,” Michael said with a grin in his voice as they reached a break in the hedges.

“I really should have worn boots!” Evan said ruefully as they walked down the drive towards the neat farmhouse at the end.

Michael laughed, neatly helping Evan step over a puddle. “Yeah, converse trainers probably weren’t the best idea – even if they are yellow.”

“Ha, these are James’, the shoes I was wearing today got wet.”

“Why?” Michael asked with a bemused grin.

“I pushed James in the pool and then he and Amy pulled me in,” Evan said, smiling at the memory, “Hopefully you’ll like the pool when you come stay with us.”

“I love how you’ve essentially just decided that,” Michael said, as they reached the front of gate. “So, this is it,” he continued nervously. “Mum and Dad are at work, but they’ll both be home in a couple of hours. My sisters will be here for tea as well.”

Evan took in the large house – a mixture of old and new. It was a two-story building, built out of creamy stone, and roofed with grey slate, there were however about it modern additions, such as large windows, French-doors and a section to one end walled entirely in glass. The garden was orderly, with a large section of soggy lawn, bordered by roses and other ordinary, muggle plants. Most of all however, Evan noticed that there was a chimney – he was wet, and cold, and definitely liked the idea of standing in front of a roaring fire.

“I like it,” Evan said, turning and grinning at Michael. “I can see where you renovated it when you were little.”

“Yeah? Let’s go in, we’ll get you warmed by the fire.”

“You are amazing and I love you.” Evan said fervently, and allowed Michael to lead him into the house. As he took off his shoes and left them by the door, he looked around.

Inside, the house was warm and vibrant. The walls were painted in deep, rich colours, matching the richness of the oak floors and beamed ceilings, and complimenting the simple colours in the rugs on the floor. They entered by way of the combined dining room and kitchen, and Evan noticed that everything was well made and neatly in its place. He also noticed the pervading smell of roasting beef, lamb and pork. They were such a delicious smells that he had to actively force himself to think about his surroundings instead.

“Your parents like order?” he asked, as Michael led him into the living area and up to the large fireplace.

“Yeah, they’re a bit neat. Here, hang your cloak up.”

They stood together for a moment or two, enjoying the warmth.

“I really do like your house you know.”

“I’m glad,” Michael smiled at him, “Shame it’s raining, I was going to show you a few of my favourite places outside.”

Not for the first time Evan wondered why exactly it was that something as simple as a smile could make him go weak at the knees. It was completely and utterly unfair that a simple smile could melt his insides. Still, Evan wasn’t completely without his counterattacks.

“Favourite places?” he asked, standing in front of Michael.

“Mm-hmm,” Michael murmured, pulling Evan in for a lingering kiss. He pulled back almost regretfully. “There’s a section of the barn that’s always very hard to get to.”

“I like hard things,” Evan said, pretending to leer. Michael grinned, and Evan leant forward and kissed the smile.

“So, I could show you around some more if you like?” Michael queried after a moment.

“Or you could show me your room,” Evan suggested archly, proud that he’d waited this long to make the suggestion.

Michael grinned, and led Evan up the stoutly-made oak stairs, and across the warmly-painted landing, opening the door at the end.

Evan was suddenly shy, as he walked into the room behind Michael, who was already sitting on the bed. He looked around, taking in Michael’s inner sanctum: what little of the walls Evan could see were painted light blue, matching the darker blue of the carpet, most of the wall space however was covered in various moving posters. Bands such as The Dancing Kaylies, The Hippies, and Poking the Sleeping Dragon were featured heavily, so too was a Hufflepuff banner. The majority of the posters however, were of one Quidditch team: the Appleby Arrows. Evan found this slightly amusing, because the Arrows were also James’ favourite team, and the fact that both boys liked the same team directly contravened Michael’s declaration that they would never have anything in common. Shaking thoughts of James from his head, Evan smiled and lay down on the bed beside Michael, fluffing a pillow behind his head.

“Nice room,” he commented. “Definitely you.”

“Thanks, I think,” said Michael, lying on his side and looking over at Evan.

“A fan of Julian Matthew’s large, ah, broom are we?” Evan asked archly, referring to the Captain of the Arrows, who was well known in the media as ‘the Stallion’.

“I definitely wouldn’t mind riding his broomstick a few times, sure,” Michael said, smirking slightly. “Although that girlfriend of his …” he licked his lips suggestively.

“Are you trying to make me jealous sweetie?” Evan asked.

“Is it working?”

“A little bit,” Evan mocked, grinning.

“Come here then,” Michael commanded, pulling Evan on top of him, and kissing him soundly. After a while Michael interrupted the feverish kissing by dragging Evan’s shirt off, causing Evan to remove Michael’s. Then they found other things to share.

*

Evan’s problem, he decided, was that he seemed to have an awful lot of skin, none of which was actually covered in clothing. The majority of his skin also seemed to be resting against the equally copious and uncovered skin of Michael Conyngham.

“Um” he said, as Michael – his face still resting in the crook of Evan’s neck – adjusted slightly on top of him.

“Yeah, pretty much right?” Michael murmured.

“You have a lot of skin,” Evan babbled.

There was a laugh, and a gentle kiss on the side of his neck. “So do you.”

Evan let the sensation carry him off again for a little while, enjoying the feel of Michael’s nakedness against his own. After a while, he had a sudden realisation. “You planned this,” he accused.

Michael laughed again. “I definitely didn’t plan this; some kissing yes, but not this.”

“There were candles, Michael.”

“Hey, a boy has to be prepared. I wouldn’t be a good Hufflepuff if I weren’t,” said Michael, shifting off Evan and lying beside him. “Besides, you were the one who was all ‘Why don’t you show me your room’.”

 “You loved it, when I said that. You were totally hoping I would,” Evan grinned.

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Yeah you were.”

“Fine, maybe a little.”

Evan laughed, lying back on the bed and taking another look at the room. His eyes were roving aimlessly about the room until they fell upon the clock.

“Michael?” he asked, “Is that the right time?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s like quarter past four, and I don’t actually have any clothes yet, and–”

“Oh shit! Go have a shower; you can borrow some of my clothes.”

“Okay, where’s the shower?”

“Merlin’s saggy-arse!” Michael swore, leading Evan out the room to the bathroom two doors down. “It’s in here,” he said “You’re rooms next door – next to mine. I’ll leave some clothes on the bed for you, yeah?” Michael shut the door, then reopened it, kissed Evan and passed him a towel, before closing it again, leaving him highly bemused.

He turned the shower on and let the warm water wash over him, as he thought about the day he’d had, and the night he had ahead of him

.

He was almost done when Michael knocked on the door. “Come on Ev, I need a shower too!” he called through the door.

“Sorry, just finished!”

He walked past a deliciously half-dressed Michael and into the room he’d indicating. Evan quickly dried off and dressed in the underwear, jeans and t-shirt Michael had provided – relishing in the fact that he was wearing a pair of Michael’s boxer-briefs. Having dressed, he sat on the bed looking out the window – his back to the door – waiting for Michael to finish in the shower. While he waited, he decided to call Eugene, to get him to magic his clothes across.

He dialled the number and waited impatiently, completely unaware of the people who had just arrived at the doorway.

“Hello?” Eugene’s harassed voice crackled down the line.

“Please tell me that they didn’t guilt you into another shift at the hospital?” Evan despaired. “They’re working you harder than a Billywig catcher on Australia Day.”

“It’s fine. I decided to get away from Eleanor and Elijah, who are both bored now that you’re gone.”

“Didn’t think of that.”

Eugene made another sour grunt.

“Seriously, have I upset you or something?”

“What? No! It’s not you. We’re dealing with a spate of people who’ve been attacked with the Choros Hex, and they’re getting on my nerves.”

“Why the hell would someone be attacking people with the Dancing Hex?”

“Who knows, that’s up to lovely people over at Belgium Yard to find out.”

“Ha, perfect Healer rhetoric – let the Ministry sort it out.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

“Evander, did you call just to taunt me or did you want something?”

“I did actually call to ask you to magic over my clothes, I got soaked walking here, and I’m borrowing some of Michael’s, but I can’t do that indefinitely.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

“Did anyone manage to get the stupid elf to unblock my closet?”

“Boris did actually, wait a sec, Fi packed you some clothes before she and James left for the Potters. I’ll go and get them.”

“Boris convinced Twinky to unblock the closet?”

“Yeah, it was quite funny actually. When dad got home, Boris started talking loudly about how he has two sisters who could replace Twinky for half her wages. Dad seemed genuinely interested but told Boris that it’d be up to you, and suddenly she disenchanted the door and began fawning over Elijah and I.”

“Up to me, is he mad?”

“It’s entirely possible, what’s your current coordinates?”

“Fourth house, second phase. Jupiter point three zero seven nine eight alpha by Pluto point nine zero seven two seven gamma” Evan replied, checking his magical watch.

“Done, hopefully.”

“Yep,” Evan said, as his bags appeared on the bed beside him, causing a gasp to sound from the doorway behind him – just as Michael’s voice asked “Mum? Audrey?”

Evan turned to find two women standing transfixed at the door, with Michael wearing nothing but a towel.

“I have to go Eugene.” Evan said quickly, standing up and walking over to the door. “Uhm, Hi! I’m Evan, nice to meet you,” he smiled offering his hand.

Michael’s mother moved forward smiling, and embraced him in a motherly fashion. “Hello dear, I’m Lynda. Lovely to meet you! Michael has told us so much about you.”

“Um hi!” Evan said again, from within the hug, returning Michael’s amused grin.

“This is my mum, and my sister Audrey.”

“Nice to meet you Audrey!” Evan smiled, extending his hand to her as Mrs. Conyngham let him go. Audrey merely looked at the hand coldly.

“Why are you wearing my brother’s clothes?” she asked instead.

“Audrey! Don’t be rude!” Lynda said, sounding harassed.

“Uh, I got wet walking here?” Evan said, slightly taken aback.

“And you decided not to bring spare clothes with you, because?”

“Audrey.” Michael said, his voice threatening.

Evan smiled, undaunted. “One of the House-Elves got vindictive and magically blocked my closet off.”

“House-Elves?” Audrey sneered, allowing Evan to officially decide that he did not like her. If she expected to scare him off with rude behaviour however, she was in for a shock. He was friends with James, Lily and Albus after all.

Lynda looked like she was ready to slap her daughter, whilst Michael appeared to be ready to throttle her with his towel. Evan however, smiled beatifically at her, before snapping his fingers and saying “Wonky” in a clear voice. With a crack Wonky dressed impeccably in a miniature business suit, complete with pearls (and thankfully not naked today) appeared at his elbow. “This is a House-Elf,” Evan said, calmly as Audrey stepped back her eyes bulging, “Her name is Wonky, say hello Wonky.”

“Oh, how marvellous,” Wonky said in a piping voice. “I’m being used to illustrate a point. A pleasure to meet you, if that’s all? I was just about to teach the Portraits how to play football Master Evan.”

“Off you go,” Evan said, causing her to promptly disappear with a crack. 

“Show-off,” Michael mouthed at him, before straightening up. “I’m going to go get changed mum?”

“Oh yes dear,” Lynda said, still staring bemusedly at the place where Wonky had just stood. “Audrey and I will go downstairs, won’t we?” she asked her daughter, staring at her beadily.

They marched down the stairs leaving a very perplexed Evan and an irritated Michael.

“C’mon,” Michael said, walking into his room. Evan followed him in, slightly amused.

“Do you think it wise for me to watch you get dressed when your sister already hates me?”

Evan asked, settling on the bed, and watching appreciatively as Michael dropped the towel and began getting dressed.

“Audrey’s a bitch,” Michael said, as he slid on some underwear. “She doesn’t like the fact that I’m bi, or that I’m a wizard.”

“Why? Isn’t your dad a Wizard?”

“And my sister Martha, she’s a Healer.”

“Then why?” Evan left the question hanging as Michael wriggled into some jeans.

“According to Audrey – Martha is an unmarried ‘freak’ who reads a lot, Dad is a doddering idiot, and I’m full of myself because I attend some fancy school.”

“Wow. My family seems so… functional right now.”

Michael laughed, it was a short bark of laughter, but the smile that came with it was genuine, so Evan counted it as a victory.

“Well Martha sounds awesome! I can’t wait to meet her anyway.”

“She’s been looking forward to meeting you!”

There was a slight cough from the door, where a girl who could only be Michael’s sister stood, smiling archly at the two of them.

“You realise you should probably close the door when dressing for your boyfriend, don’t you baby brother?” she turned and smiled at Evan. “Hi there, Evan isn’t it? I’m Martha, nice to meet you!”

Evan got up and shook her hand, “Nice to meet you too!” he said, grinning at her.

She looked at him for a moment, her face inquiring. “You don’t have a brother who works at St Mungo’s by any chance do you?” she asked. “One of the trainees on the floor below me looks ridiculously similar to you – same eyes, similar arse.”

Evan turned to Michael. “I like her so much better,” he said, grinning impishly “Also, yeah, that’d be my brother Eugene.”

“He met Audrey,” Michael said, by way of explanation.

“Oh god, was she horrid?” Martha asked.

“She was…” Evan groped around for a polite statement.

“Horrid,” Michael finished for him. “What’s going on down there?”

“They’re making potato salad.” Martha said with a slight shudder. “Brie and Thomas just got here, and Scott is already drunk.”

“Who?” Evan asked.

Michael smiled apologetically at him. “Scott is Audrey’s husband; he works at a big publishing house in London, at the same firm as her.”

“Believe me when I tell you that they deserve each other.” Martha added helpfully.

Michael stuck his tongue out at her. “Brie is the second eldest, you’ll like her – she works for the BBC. Her husband Thomas is a Contractor.”

“You won’t have any trouble with them, they’re normal,” Martha supplied.

Evan nodded, although his face obviously clearly showed his distress, because both she and Michael jumped up to engulf him in a hug, hers only slightly less groping than Michael’s.

There was another cough from the doorway. “Well, this is an interesting sight.”

Michael and Martha turned around, grinning at a man who could only be Michael’s father. He was tall, and blonde, with the same green eyes and wicked smile as his children.

“This is my Dad, Robert,” Michael said grinning first at his father than at Evan. “Dad this is my Evan–” he paused looking slightly abashed. “I mean this is my boyfriend–”

Evan walked forward and offered Robert Conyngham his hand. “Evander Dyer, pleasure to meet you sir,” he said politely.

“Please, call me Rob.”

“Okay, Rob,” Evan smiled at him.

“We were just preparing our guest for the type of reception awaiting him at the dinner table,” Martha said, rolling her eyes at her father.

“Considering Audrey was just a right cow to Evan,” Michael added, also rolling his eyes.

Rob grunted sourly, and then gave Evan an apologetic look. “She’s had a hard time of accepting some things as of late; please don’t think too harshly of her.”

“Yeah, a Galleon says Scott will definitely be a complete twat as well though,” Martha added. 

“Yes, well Scott’s never been good enough for Audrey. Besides, your grandparents are going to be here.”

“Really?” Michael asked with some excitement. “They’re the ones I was telling you about Ev! They have Hippogriffs.”

Evan smiled, hoping beyond hope that maybe this dinner would go well.

*

Dinner was a complete disaster.

It began hopefully enough, with everyone sitting down according to their place cards. They were an uneven table, with Lynda, Michael, Evan, Martha and Michael’s Grandmother on one side of the long table, Robert and Michael’s Grandfather at the ends, and Thomas, Brie, Scott and Audrey on the other side of the table. Whilst Evan felt relatively at ease seated between Michael and Martha, and liked Brie when he was introduced to her, he was very much aware of the brooding presence of Audrey and her husband Scott further down the table. Scott’s opinion of Evan had been made perfectly clear when he’d merely raised one of his eyebrows when they were introduced. Michael purposefully leant his leg against Evan’s, and began to nervously trace patterns on Evan’s knee. The food was sumptuous, with the table groaning under the weight of roasted and steamed vegetables, Yorkshire puddings, cauliflower cheese, and strangely, potato salad. Everything was surmounted by the three roasts that Evan had smelt roasting in the kitchen earlier. Martha, almost absently dished a plate for him, and although her smile indicated that she was merely being polite, Evan strongly suspected it was so Evan wouldn’t have to ask Scott to pass the Potatoes.

As they settled into the meal – Robert, Thom and Lynda already deeply engrossed in a discussion regarding a recent job of his that had turned pear shape, leaving Michael’s grandfather Rupert to open the general conversation.

“So Michael tells me you come from magical stock?” Rupert asked, causing everyone to look at him.

“Ah, yes sir,” Evan said carefully, not wanting to blunder into anything.

“Pureblood?” Michael’s grandmother, Ethel asked delicately.

“In a manner of speaking,” Evan replied, once again choosing his words with caution. “In a different sense to say the Malfoys, or the Weasleys.”

“I’m sorry, ‘pureblood’?” asked Scott, obviously interested in spite of himself.

“Yes,” Brie smiled reassuringly across at Evan. “I remember dad telling me what it meant once, but I’ve forgotten.”

“A form of elitism–” Michael began.

Audrey however, her eyes glittering with malice, interrupted him. “Why not let the pureblood answer the question Micah.”

Both Michael and Martha squeezed Evan’s knee. Evan however, had decided to play along with her.

“The so-called purity of blood was something that was very important to certain families in Europe and its colonies for about fifteen hundred years,” he said, smiling warmly across at Brie. “Particularly after the Catholic Church began to actively enforce its… distaste for paganism and magic, certain elements of Wizarding society began to develop a notion that only people born to two magical parents were worthy of possessing magic. A silly notion really, considering that we would die out were it not for muggle-born witches and wizards.”

Everyone at the table, including Thom, Robert and Lynda had stopped to watch him talk. “In Britain, there developed a cadre of families who fanatically believed in the concept of pure blood, and many of these families – driven insane by constant intermarriage and incest – began to develop a hatred for muggle-borns and muggles in general.”

“Which of course led to the rise of Dark Wizards like Voldemort,” Ethel added.

“And Gellert Grindelwald on the continent, yes,” Evan agreed. 

“Was your family one of these purists?” Rupert asked his face expressionless.

“Not really. The Dyers – my father’s family – were always too … libertine to care about the so-called purity of blood, and the Chants – my mother’s family – are Northern European, and were targeted too viciously by purists to be particularly concerned with the concept.”

“Your mother’s a foreigner then?” Audrey asked, her eyes sill glinting.

“She was born in the UK, but my Oma and Opa and Uncles were born overseas, yes,” Evan responded, keeping his face carefully neutral.

“I do so hate the European Union,” Scott said to Audrey. “The way they let all manner of foreigners in is so disgusting.” He looked as if he were about to say more, however the identical looks of pure-venom being directed at him from the majority of the Conynghams silenced him.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, before Martha, smiling brightly looked over at Scott. “Could you pass me the Brussels sprouts please William?” she asked him. He glowered at her, but nevertheless passed them to her.

“Thank you Matthew,” she said, smiling prettily at him.

“It’s Scott–” he began, obviously highly irritated.

“I don’t care,” she interrupted, her expression unchanging.

There was another moment of silence, where Audrey and Scott glared at Martha – who seemed incredibly unaffected by the situation, instead serving herself some more sprouts and offering some to Evan.

“Dyer?” Ethel asked after a moment. “You’re not related to, what was his name Rupert?”

“Pyronicus Dyer?” Rupert asked.

“Isn’t that your granddad’s name?” Michael asked Evan, smiling reassuringly.

“Uh, yes. Pyronicus Dyer is my grandfather.”

Scott made a snickering noise, and Audrey raised her eyebrows. “What an atrocious name,” she said, her grin wide and malevolent. “It’s nearly as terrible as your name, isn’t it Evander.”

Several of the Conynghams began to admonish Audrey for her rudeness; however Evan merely smiled indulgently at her. “There are worse names than Pyronicus and Evander I think. Gertrude and Xenophilius spring to mind. Of course Etheldra – which is directly linked to your own name.”

“I went to school with a girl named Epiphany-Rose,” Martha added helpfully.

There was a pause as everyone digested the information, before conversations sprung up all around the table.

“So, MantiCore eh?” Martha asked in a deliberate cryptic manner.

“Yep,” Evan replied, smiling at her.

“Evan?” Michael asked suddenly, no doubt attempting to change the course of the conversation. “Do you think your parents’ ‘d be okay with a few other guests to their party, I mean I know it’s late notice and I don’t know if they’d want to come, and it’s horribly rude–”

Evan gave him an amused look. “Your invitation says Michael Conyngham et de la familie. So yes, you can invite them.”

“Excellent!” Martha said enthusiastically.

Audrey however, was gearing up for another round. “Et de la familie?” she asked, sneering slightly. “Trying to put on airs are you?”

“I do so hate it, when the poor pretend to be rich,” Scott added pompously.

Every magical member of the Conyngham suddenly snorted into their plates, and Michael and Martha both placed their hands on Evan’s knees.

“Do you?” Evan asked, in a deceptively calm voice.

“Yes. Wealth should only be possessed by those who know what to do with it: people with class, and taste.”

“Fascinating observation old boy,” Evan drawled. “I take it you’re a fan of Versailles then?”

Audrey scoffed. “There are much more elegant ways to indicate wealth.”

“Like what?” Evan nearly purred, as Michael actively fought back laughter beside him, and the other Conynghams looked on with a mixture of derision and distaste.

“Take this for instance,” Scott said, rolling up his sleeve to reveal a steel Rolex. “It’s a Rolex, not that I expect you to know what that is – obviously not coming from money or normal society.”

Michael’s grandmother bristled, and was about to reply when Evan interrupted her.

“I quite like Rolexes. There was a period when my grandfather decided to buy my brothers and I all his favourite models in platinum and gold over about eighteen months. I wear them quite often – although the Wizarding world uses a different method to keep time.”

There was a stunned silence at the table as Audrey and Scott stared at him identical expressions of shock.

“Then there was the rather odd period – after my grandparents separated – where my grandmother was absolutely convinced of the need to inlay all the furniture in Sunbryer – my family’s ancestral seat – with gold.”

Lynda actually gasped at the prospect; Martha had slumped back in her chair, shaking with silent laughter.

“Too expensive,” Ethel asked, attempting to hide a smile.

“No, no, they had the gold – they just felt it unnecessarily ostentatious, considering the ceiling in the State Room has large panels of beaten gold as opposed to the usual gold leaf.”

Audrey could no longer hide her distress. “Are you telling me you’re wealthy?” she burst out.

“Sweetheart,” Robert said, not unkindly. “The Dyers are one of the most prominent Wizarding families in Europe.”

“His father is the Director and CEO of MantiCore International,” Michael added helpfully.

Scott sat up straight, the blood draining from his face. “MantiCore, as in the high-tech company?” he asked. “They’re into everything! Aeronautics, computing, entertainment, genetics, medical equipment, pharmaceuticals, robotics, weapons testing! Your father started that company?” His face was slightly excited, and Audrey smacked him on the arm.

“Scott!” she said warningly.

Highly amused by this point, Evan nodded. “You forgot a few of the muggle interests. But they’re also involved in magically enhanced devices, potions, and spell development – that sort of thing.”

“So it’s magical as well?” Audrey asked quickly.

“Yes.” Evan replied.

“So what’s stopping us going to the media?” she asked quickly, “Brie works for the Beeb, we could create a massive scandal.”

Brie looked down the table at Audrey with intense dislike. “Was I going to be consulted on this at all Whore-drey?”

“Besides,” Robert put in, “It wouldn’t work.”

“Why not?” Brie asked.

“The Wizarding world will not allow itself to be exposed. There are people whose sole job is to keep non-magical people from learning of the magical world.”

“Besides,” Michael said. “If you were to go to the media, something would go wrong. The tape would go missing, the journalist would stop calling, fighting would break out again in Central America. The next day, there would be a knock on your door and suddenly you wake up in Australia – it’s always Australia for some reason – with a new name and no memory of your old life.”

“They wouldn’t do that to someone with magical relatives would they?” Lynda asked.

Robert looked at his wife and sighed. “Not always, sometimes they just destroy their careers and leave them destitute – fake a heroin addiction, that sort of thing. It happens rather regularly.”

There was another long pause, before the table once again fractured into individual conversations.

“I’m so sorry,” Michael whispered at Evan, his eyes filled with concern.

Evan smiled reassuringly back at him. “So you’re a Healer?” he asked Martha as Michael was drawn into a conversation with his parents.

“Yeah,” she replied, taking a sip of wine. “I just transitioned to the dark green last year.”

“That must be amazing! Eugene still complains about the fact that he’s got another five years of traineeship before he’s a qualified healer.”

Martha laughed. “It goes by in the blink of an eye, believe me!”

Evan smiled. “I’ll bet.”

“So what do you want to do with yourself then? Not another international Quidditch star like Micah?”

Evan laughed. “No, no Quidditch for me. I want to go to Oxford, and then eventually work as a Cantiologist.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oxford? You want to study magic at Kinghaven, really?”

“Kinghaven and one of the muggle colleges, yeah,” Evan said, leaning forward.

“Kinghaven’s the magical college?” Brie asked with interest.

“Yeah,” Evan said, smiling across at her. “It’s a bit complicated… you don’t live there like you do with the other colleges, and you can only get to it through hidden doors within the various Muggle colleges.”

“But it’s an actual physical college?” she persisted.

Evan was aware that the rest of the table had once again stopped to listen to their conversation, and rather felt a rather wry empathy for the performing nymphs his grandmother kept at her dinner table.

“Yeah, technically it’s further out into the City than the rest of the colleges and halls, but the entire area is cut off from the rest of Britain by a massive time-distortion charm, meaning that the college is always a day ahead of the rest of the universe. The only way in is through the magic doorways dotted around Oxford.”

Even Scott and Audrey seemed mildly impressed by this fact, although there was a sour twist to Audrey’s mouth that didn’t bode well.

“How many students does it take in?” Thomas asked quietly, the first time he’d spoken to Evan since greeting him.

“About three-hundred, sourced mainly from the four-magical schools in Britain and Ireland.”

“So what are you hoping to study?” Martha asked.

“Double degree in Cantiology and PPE, I hope.”

“That’s… ambitious.” She replied.

Evan smiled at her earnestly. “My cousin Amelie got her conditional this morning, and my grades are just as good as hers.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I love that you have dreams, and Oxford would be amazing.”

“Our Brie here actually went to Cambridge,” Robert said proudly, causing Brie to blush prettily.

Evan was about to reply when across the table Audrey suddenly surged to her feet, shaking with anger. “Come Scott, we’re leaving!”

Evan watched with surprise as Audrey, Scott in tow, marched out of the room, much to the obvious distress of Lynda, and the exasperation of the rest of the Conynghams.

Evan turned to Michael. “Did… I say something else wrong?”

“Oh no dear,” Lynda called back distractedly. “No one would fault you if you had of course, the dreadful way she was acting. But all this talk of Oxbridge upsets her,” Lynda and Robert quickly hurried out of the room.

Still confused Evan looked across at Brie. She smiled reassuringly at him and rolled her eyes.

“Audrey always wanted to go to Oxford, and she should have, but she panicked in her interview,” She explained. “She still got into St Andrews, and did really well, but…”

Ethel and Rupert sighed, looking at one another and shaking their heads.

“When Audrey was in her final year at St Andrews in… Brie got into Cambridge,” Ethel said, taking up the narrative. “Instead of being happy with Brie, Audrey was furious…”

“She refused to talk to me for nearly four years – I was almost done with my degree by the time she decided to talk to me again. She even got married, and didn’t invite Martha, Michael and I.”

“Wow,” Evan said, as he felt his eyes go wide.

“She changed,” Rupert said sadly. “She developed a hatred of magic, married that pretentious… imbecile, and essentially exiled us from her lives. Even now we rarely see her. Three, maybe four times a year.”

Evan suddenly felt incredibly bad. He’d assumed that because the Conynghams appeared to be happy, that they actually were. He’d also ruined one of the few occasions on which they got to see Audrey. Nearly sick with guilt he looked down at his plate, ashamed.

“I’m sorry I ruined the dinner.” He said quietly.

There was a pause as they all looked at him, taking in his earnest expression, before everyone exploded at once.

“Don’t be silly–”

“As if you were the one–”

“You’ve been perfect–”

Robert and Lynda walked back into the room. Robert seemed rather exasperated, Lynda – Evan noticed with another pang of guilt – was rather red-eyed.

“Well,” Robert said, sitting back down. “That could have gone better.”

“I was just saying how sorry I was for–” Evan began, however Robert waved his apology aside with a tight smile.

“We don’t blame you in the slightest dear,” Lynda said with a watery smile. “I think everything might have gone a bit smoother had Michael,” she turned, pointedly looking at her son, “Actually bothered to ring his sister and inform her that he was bringing a boyfriend home.”

Michael, the epitome of unrepentance, leaned back luxuriously in his chair. “Mum, we all know that Audrey was going to be a twat no matter who I brought home – the fact that I met someone at that ‘Pathetic little school’,” he said, adopting a voice strikingly similar to Audrey’s, “Basically ensured that she was going to behave badly.”

“Yeah mum,” Martha said earnestly. “Audrey brings her own baggage no matter the occasion.”

“And you!” Lynda said, looking reprovingly at Martha. “Did you have to bring up Oxford?”

“I didn’t!” Martha protested. “I just asked Evan what he wanted to do! The fact that he wants to go to Oxford was just an added bonus really,” she grinned around the table, making Michael, Brie and Thomas to smile down into their plates. “Evan wasn’t to know that Aud’s is unreasonable about it! Besides Dad was the one who mentioned Brie and Cambridge!”

Lynda looked like she was on the verge of tears. “But you didn’t need to antagonise her–”

Ethel rose from her seat, and kindly walked over to her daughter-in-law. “Why don’t we go have a cup of tea, Lynny dearest? That might help, eh?”

There was an awkward silence as Ethel led Lynda into the kitchen. Evan looked around and then grinned. “So, is there pudding? I love pudding!” He said weakly. Thankfully it broke the tension, and the dinner resumed.

*

The next two days were far less stressful than the first. Michael, Martha and Evan engaged spiritedly in a modified version of Quidditch, they all went and saw a movie at the muggle cinema, and Michael showed Evan every square inch of the property and the lands beyond.

It was on these guided tours that Evan discovered a rather interesting side to Michael. While Evan had thoroughly enjoyed their ‘skin-on-skin’ experience, Michael seemed determined that they should have more such experiences. The presence of the extended Conyngham family however meant that this desire couldn’t be fulfilled in the usual locations, so Michael found other, more secluded ones. Michael ‘showed Evan around’ behind some hay-bales in the shed, in the long grass of a paddock, in a secluded thicket of willows, in a small cave, and even in a shielded bend of the little rivulet that ran through the Conyngham property. Furthermore, Evan strongly suspected that it was the thrill of possibly being caught that seemed to excite Michael, almost as much as the act itself.

It was on one such occasion, near twilight in a small clearing in the woods near Michael’s house on the final day of Evan’s stay that Evan finally asked Michael about it.

“Is it just me,” Evan asked, rising from his knees and getting dressed once again. “Or do you really enjoy the possibility of getting caught?”

Michael smiled, reaching up and removing a twig from Evan’s hair.

“I suppose you could say it’s a little bit of a turn on, yeah,” he admitted, pulling his pants from around his ankles. “But it’s mostly the fact that my parents are home, and you look amazing, all the bloody time.”

Evan laughed, rather pleased with Michael’s comments. “I’m not complaining or anything, well I mean, it is getting seriously cold, just… wondering whether it was me or the situation that was keeping you coming back for more.”

“Definitely you,” he said, zipping up his jeans. “The situation’s just a bonus. Besides my parents are home, and I think they might disapprove. As for the cold, we soon warm up anyway.”

Evan let that one pass. “So what are you going to do until you see me again then?”

“Wank probably?” Michael said mischievously, moving forward to nuzzle at Evan’s neck.

“I’m serious Michael!”

“So am I. I don’t want to think about the fact that I won’t see you again ‘til the evening on Christmas Day!” He continued to nuzzle at Evan’s neck, his hands steadily moving down. “You know,” he whispered into Evan’s ear. “We could have another go, just to get me through.”

“You’re a machine!” Evan laughed, smacking his hand away. “Besides, I have to be at the Potter’s soon, otherwise Cassie and possibly Lily will come looking for me, and then they would find us and blackmail us for the rest of our lives.”

“I suppose that is true,” Michael said regretfully. “Can I still send you dirty text messages and photos?”

Evan grinned. “It’s expected.”

They walked up to the house together talking comfortably. Evan collected his things, hugged Mrs. Conyngham, Martha and Brie one last time, shook hands with Thomas and Mr. Conyngham, and was just about to leave when Michael walked forward and kissed him soundly. Michael’s parents looked slightly scandalised, his siblings and brother-in-law however whooped. Breathlessly, Michael released Evan, leaving him breathless.

“See you all on Christmas?” he asked, barely hearing the collective affirmation as he grinned at Michael.

“Bye,” he said sadly, and walked up the drive towards the road. Once he was near the road, he lent on a tree, and took stock of what had just happened. He realised that he was very taken with Michael, which in Evan’s opinion was an excellent thing. However, he was honest enough with himself to realise that he had spent all day looking forward to seeing James and the Potters. With a sinking stomach he also realised that it was entirely possible that he was still in love with James, and if he was in love with both James and Michael, there was going to be consequences.

“You are a dickhead Evan,” he muttered to himself, before straightening up and disapparating.

Notes:

Sorry about the lateness of this update folks, there was a few problems in real life that I had to straighten out.

Chapter 9: Back to the Potters

Summary:

In which Evan arrives at the Potters, suffers a number of physical and emotional traumas, and confuses Lily with a pen.

James was excited. He’d spent most of the day bouncing around like a lunatic, much to the annoyance of his parents, siblings and Fiana. James had grown more energetic and chaotic when, over the space of two and a half hours, first his Uncle Bill, Aunt Fleur and cousins Victoire, Dominique and Louis had arrived, then his Uncle George, Aunty Angelina, and cousins Fred and Roxanne, and finally his Uncle Ron, Aunty Hermione and cousins Rose and Hugo.

The presence of thirteen Weasleys, five Potters and Fiana in the household was quite enough to be going on with, however the combined presence of James, Fred (a year older than James), and Louis (a year younger) had added whole new dimensions to the chaos. After about fifteen minutes, they’d been ordered on pain of Grandma Molly to go out and waste some energy, and thus had engaged in a game of free-for-all Quidditch that had ended rather spectacularly when Fred had accidentally smacked into Louis, sending them crashing into a tree.

The incident had been witnessed by the adults from the kitchen, all of whom seemed to find it endlessly funny, and the two other boys were now recuperating in the kitchen. James however, had been less than impressed. His energy of course, had sprung from the fact that he would finally get to see Evan again today. James decided to conveniently ignore the fact that he was almost feverishly excited to see his best friend, despite only having seen him less than three full days previously. He also decided to ignore the calculating look that his mother, sister and Fiana had been giving him all day.

James got up and quickly crossed the room, to look at the clock again. It was 5:45, Evan was fifteen minutes late. Irrationally James began to worry about all the possible things that could have gone wrong. Had Evan been caught up in the spates of magical attacks reported in the news over the weekend? Perhaps he’d decided that he didn’t like the Potters as much as the Conynghams and decided to stay? Maybe Evan had finally decided that he didn’t need James now that he had Michael. Secretly, this was James’ greatest fear, and he was just allowing himself to wallow in the self-pity about the idea when the message tone of his phone sounded from his pocket. James flumped back on the sofa behind him, and took the phone out of his pocket so he could read the message.

Evan: Hey idiot face. I’m just walking down the hill. Be there in five.

James grinned at the message, and then quickly replied.

Cool, running up to meet you. Need the exercise.

Having replied, he called out to his mother “I’m going to go pick up Evan?”

“Okay, take a co–”

Her voice called after him, cut off quickly by the slam of the door behind him, as he began running full pelt. It was cold, and James’ breath steamed in the crisp air. Inevitably, his mother had been instructing him to take a coat, and he reflected that that may not have been a bad idea. However as ‘The Hill’ – as the Potter children had always called the home of many of their childhood adventures – grew closer, James pushed his lack of a coat from his mind. As he began to run up the familiar slope, James reflected on the fact that out of all his friends, Evan was the one who could remember the various insignificant, yet important details of James’ childhood as if he had been there. Suddenly, James saw a dark shape walking slowly down the hill.

“Is that you Jamie?” Evan’s voice floated down to him.

“Jamie?” Evan asked plaintively, “Did you have to do that? I’ve had just about enough rolling around in the bushes for one day.”

James quirked one eyebrows, but let the comment pass. “It’s part of the service, I offer highly competitive, individualised greeting and hugging services.”

Evan merely groaned. Laughing, James got up and offered his hand to Evan.

“Thanks,” Evan said, taking the proffered hand and walking back up the hill to retrieve the charmed satchel he customarily carried his luggage in.

“So how was your stay at the Conynghams?” James asked, as Evan walked back towards him.

“Not bad, eventful actually,” Evan said, a hint of laughter in his voice as he gave James a quick hug.

“Eventful how?” James asked.

As they walked down the hill and back towards the Potter house, Evan related the disastrous dinner in vivid detail, causing James to laugh uproariously.

“And in the end, she left because Michael’s dad made a comment about Brie getting into Cambridge,” Evan smirked.

“I actually think I could get along with this Martha, and I’m going to try and get along with Michael,” James said, still chortling.

“You two have stuff in common you know,” Evan said, as they walked through the trees and up the drive towards the Potter’s.

“Like what?” James asked curiously.

“Well you both go for the Arrows, and you both want to play Quidditch professionally–”

“He goes for Appleby?” James cut in quickly, his eyes lighting up. “Not the stinking Wasps like you?”

Evan let that pass. “Yup.”

“Plus he likes you?” James pressed.

“I assume so, yeah.”

“Hmmm… maybe I can get along with him after all.”

“I’m so glad,” Evan replied with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, eliciting a grin from James, who was enjoying himself immensely.

James had a sudden thought, and stopped short of the front door. “Oh, I should warn you there’s been an unexpected Weasley invasion.”

Evan rolled his eyes, and pushed past James. “I know, Lily told me about it yesterday.”

James blinked with surprise. “How?” he asked.

“I have a phone, she has a phone. She and I text nearly as much as you do,” Evan said, opening the door. “Hi, I’m home, and I brought your son with me,” he called into the house.

James chuckled and slammed the door behind them.

There was a pause. “Did he do anything weird?” Ginny called back out.

“Apart from attempt to kill me by tackling me down a hill, no,” Evan said, smirking at James.

They walked together into the kitchen where Evan was once again tackled to the ground, this time by Lily, Fiana, Albus, Fred and Louis.

“Why does no-one respect the right of my ribs to stay unbroken?” Evan asked in plaintive yet muffled voice.

“Because we love you, Evan dearest,” Fiana said piously, as the mob disentangled itself from Evan. James was still laughing until he noticed that Evan hadn’t yet risen from the floor, and that his face was ashen.

“Are you okay dear?” Hermione asked.

Evan tried to sit up and then flopped backwards, groaning.

James and Lily swapped wide-eyed looks.

“We didn’t actually break his rib did we?” Fred asked nervously.

“’Ere let me check,” Fleur said, moving forward in a no nonsense manner. “’Ow does zat feel Evan?” she asked, poking his ribs again.

“Pain?” Evan said.

Fleur made a tutting noise, throwing her children a stern look. Almost absently she took out her wand and pointed it at Evan’s stomach. “Episky!” she cried.

There was a distinct cracking noise, and Evan sighed, and sat up, as an amused Ginny came forward with a pain-potion.

*

Roughly an hour later, the Potters, Weasleys, Fiana and Evan sat down for dinner. Given the number of people, they’d been forced to eat in the actual dining room – a rarity for the Potter household. They were all comfortably seated around the massive walnut dining table (jokingly called the banquet table by James and his siblings), with the parents at one end and the youngsters at the other. Much to Evan and Fiana’s amusement, Lily had decided on assigning a seating plan. She had seated James and Evan side by side at the end of the table, with herself and Fiana to either side. While James didn’t object to being placed next to Evan, the twinkle in Lily and Fiana’s eyes, and the interested look that Victoire was giving him made James distinctly nervous.

As they sat down to eat, James noticed that neither his father nor his Uncles had returned from the living room where there was another report on the Wizarding Broadcast Company News Network. There were reports of a resurgence in dark magic throughout Britain, and there had been a renewed interest in the Deathly Hallows and other even more sinister magical objects in certain quarters, which the media was linking to a string of magical attacks over the last month. James was vaguely aware that his father, as head of the Auror Office, had stayed back late all this week, and Evan had mentioned a few days previously that his father’s company had been contracted by the Ministry to give additional support for some major operation. All further thoughts however, were cut off when Lily sat down and grinned at Evan.

“You’ve had sex,” she remarked with aplomb, making everyone within hearing distance to choke on whatever they were currently eating. Evan however, merely quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head.

“You know you really should consider innuendo as opposed to outright stating something,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “It would make your penchant to lampshade so much more… sophisticated.”

“But I do ever so enjoy it, although let’s be honest. You’re not a big enough sourpuss for me to lampshade anything.”

James was completely confused by this point; Fiana and Louis were nearly breathless with laughter.

Once his father and uncles had filed in, and conversation had resumed, Lily struck again.

“So farm boy took you for a tumble in the fields then?”

“Literally,” Evan smirked.

James felt the food in his mouth turn to ash. Stopping for a moment, he quickly put on his best James Potter smile and turned to Evan.

“Really? Farmboy has a thing for the outdoors?”

Evan looked at him strangely for a moment and then nodded. “He seems to. It got a bit uncomfortable once or twice. In the grass was fine, up against a tree not so much.”

Lily stopped mid-cackle to look at him incredulously. “Against a tree?”

Evan nodded. “This afternoon actually,” Evan smirked.

“Insatiable, and uncomfortable,” Fiana murmured.

“Seems like, and you have no idea.”

“What are you all giggling about?” Aunt Hermione shot suspiciously down the table, leading Harry and Uncle Ron to roll their eyes at one another.

“Nothing Aunty dearest,” Lily said with the air of someone in whose mouth butter would not only melt, but possible scald.

James decided that following dinner, he was going to take up Fred’s offer and go for a drink.

*

Evan was almost asleep by the time James returned to the Potter house, and with much stumbling and swearing, made his way to his bedroom. Following dinner, James had decided (in his infinite wisdom) to go to the local pub with his cousin Fred. Initially Fred and James had descended on Evan in an attempt to get him to come with them, imploring him outrageously and even begging him to come. In the end however he’d decided that he wasn’t particularly up for a night of inebriation and being stared up by curious Muggles, so he’d declined. Evan had spent the night watching movies with Lily, Fiana, and Louis in Lily’s room. Evan had enjoyed the witty banter and copious amounts of junk food, but he’d missed James.

As James entered the room, he tripped over his shoes and landed face down in Evan’s lap. There was a moments silence as James apparently considered his position, and then he sighed, and sat up.

“You’re awake?” He slurred.

“I am actually yes,” Evan laughed.

James grinned lopsidedly, and leant bonelessly against Evan. “Your hair always smells so nice, do you know that?” James affirmed, apparently breathing in the scent of Evan’s hair.

Evan quirked an eyebrow, amused. This was a side of drunk James that Evan hadn’t previously encountered.

“You like my hair?” Evan replied.

“And your skin, you have good skin,” James grinned lopsidedly again, adjusting his weight so that he was essentially pinning Evan to the bed. He tilted his head and grinned again, wrapping his arms around Evan.

Evan actually chuckled this time, although he was beginning to feel slightly odd. “How was the pub?” he asked, to take his mind off the situation.

“Rubbish; you weren’t there.”

Evan blinked with surprise, the answer was so unexpected.

“I thought you liked Fred?” Evan asked, slightly confused by the turn of the conversation.

There was another long pause, in which James nuzzled into Evan’s collarbone slightly.

“Why did you sleep with Michael?” James questioned suddenly, catching Evan off guard.

“Um, it seemed like a good idea at the time?” Evan said, definitely not liking where this conversation was going.

“Was he any good?” James asked, still waffling into Evan’s chest.

“He wasn’t bad, I don’t know, I haven’t had the same amount of practice as say, you James, so I can’t be one hundred percent. He made me happy anyway.”

“You should try it with someone who knows what they’re doing,” James affirmed, shifting his weight to one side, so he could peer blearily at Evan.

“Like who James?” Evan breathed.

“I don’t like it.”

“James, please start making sense, you’re hard enough to follow when you’re not being incoherent and rambling.”

“You should stop dating him,” James slurred.

“Who, Michael?”

“He doesn’t love you the same.”

Evan sat up, looking down at James. “He doesn’t love me the same as whom, James?”

James chuckled mirthlessly. “You’re so weird; it’s the 20s, who says ‘whom’ anymore?”

Evan sighed with exasperation. “My grammatical accuracy is neither here nor there,” he said, poking James in the chest. “What does matter is you being vague and drunk.”

James looked at him with a look that Evan couldn’t recognise. Was it sadness, pain, indigestion?

“You should…” James started, his hazel eyes entreating. “You should break up with him. You don’t really love him.”

“James I–”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you truly love him.”

Evan felt as though his chest was being ripped open. His head began to spin with all the conflicting emotions that had plagued him for months. It should be easy to say – after all, Evan had just spent two and a half days with Michael. But he couldn’t say it. With a sickening lurch, the last of his resolve disappeared and he admitted to himself that he was still in love with James. No matter how much he’d tried to hide it, it was unequivocally true. As Evan stared up into the darkness, he realised that all it would take to let James know would be three little words. In reality, it was all about telling James. But the first casualty of all this was the truth.

“James I–” Evan began, looking over at James, before suddenly stopping as a huge snore ripped through the room.

“You fucking arsehole,” Evan muttered, before the swirl of emotions hit him, and he ran to the bathroom, barely managing to reach it in time to throw up.

After throwing up, he walked back resolutely to the room, picked James up, and roughly dumped him on his own bed.

It was a long time before he got to sleep.

*

Evan was one of the first to enter the kitchen the next morning, with only Ginny and Hermione being there before him. They both smiled at him and greeted him warmly, with Mrs. Potter coming forward to give him a hug.

“You look like hell,” Ginny said, absently leading him to a chair at the kitchen table.

“Blame your son,” Evan commented wryly. “He seems incapable of leaving me alone when he’s drunk.”

Hermione and Ginny both laughed. “If he’s anything like Ron, I’m hardly surprised.” Hermione commented, her eyes twinkling.

“Or his father for that matter,” Ginny agreed. “Oh, by the way, you got a parcel just a little while ago,” she said, getting up again, and walking to the kitchen bench, where she picked up a roughly square, nondescript package of medium-size and placed it in front of Evan. The two women then nodded at Evan encouragingly, obviously interested to see what was in the package.

With some amusement, Evan carefully opened the parcel to find an envelope and a wooden chest inside. The chest itself was beautiful, made of dark, varnished oak, and inlayed with an intricate pattern of ivory. At the front, there were three locks, and on the lid, the Dyer coat of arms was picked out in ivory, gold, and lapis lazuli. The entire thing almost hummed with magic, and Evan heard Hermione and Ginny both catch their breath.

“It’s from my grandfather,” Evan said quietly.

“How do you know?” Hermione asked, clearly interested.

“It’s the twentieth of December – the day before Midsummer in the southern hemisphere. It’s traditional in the Dyer family for a grandfather to send his grandson three gifts to be worn or used on the solstice before his seventeenth birthday.”

As Evan finished, Fiana, Lily and James entered the kitchen – James looking definitely the worse for wear.

“Why?” Lily asked, having obviously been listening.

Evan merely smiled and opened the envelope, taking out three identical keys, and a note written in his grandfather’s neat, elegant script. Smiling slightly, he read it aloud.

Dear Nico,

As I sat down to write this, I was suddenly struck with the memory of book I read some years ago, with a message I thought you might find amusing.

“Few of us can deal with the recent past. Either our present lives have too strong a hold on us, or else we are plunged into the troubled waters of the past, trying our utmost to bring back and retrieve something vanished beyond recall. Even in large and wealthy families who owe much to their ancestors, it is the custom to remember the grandfathers rather than the fathers.”

While you think of that, and the undoubtedly unwholesome tradition we Dyers keep, I hope you nevertheless enjoy these mere trinkets. Remember, only one cache may be opened per week.

I will see you on Christmas Day.

Omnes Moriuntur,

Pyronicus Octavian Dyer.

There was a rapt silence in the room, broken only by the sound of James whimpering as Lily absentmindedly poked him in the head with a butterknife. Evan picked up the key labelled with the rune for ‘one’, and fitted it into the first lock. The chest lid popped open, revealing a space larger on the inside than the outside, and contained three items. Evan reached inside and removed the first of the items, a blue velvet box. Inside there was a silver fountain pen. It was richly engraved, and there was a small button on one side of the pen, directly above the nib.

Evan laughed, “I’ve been looking forward to getting one of these for years!”

Lily looked at him with mystification. “It’s a pen.”

Evan grinned at her, his eyes twinkling. “Can I have a piece of paper?”

Wordlessly, Hermione passed him a sheet of parchment from the stack in front of her. Evan carefully picked up the pen, filling it grow warm as the enchantments spelled into it activated, smiling slightly at Fiana and James, who showed sudden looks of realisation. Evan wrote his name neatly on the sheet of paper, and then pressed the button, sealing the enchantment. With a small shimmer, the pen disappeared, leaving a minuscule triangular mark under the skin on the side of Evan’s thumb.

Evan laughed, and pressed the spot on his thumb, activating the enchantment. He wordlessly handed the pen to her, watching as she inevitably pressed the button. Nothing happened.

“This is a pen!” She said again.

“Your mother has one of these I think,” Hermione said, taking the pen and looking at it closely.

“It’s enchanted, and it only accepts one owner at a time.”

“Mum,” Lily pouted. “I want one.”

“What else is in there?” James asked, curious despite his hangover.

Evan grinned at him, taking the proffered pen and vanishing it, before reaching into the chest for the second blue velvet box. Inside the box was a key, with its handle shaped like stylised sun.

“A key?” Fiana asked with slight confusion.

“Yep,”

“A key to what, Ev?” Fiana added, rolling her eyes at him.

“To every door in any Dyer house,” Evan added, “including the magical vault at Sunbryer.” 

“Oh,” she crooned. “You have to show me! So many pretty spell books!”

There was a moment of laughter, as everyone acknowledged Fiana’s deep appreciation of books.

“So does it become part of your hand as well?” Ginny asked.

“Not exactly,” Evan replied, carefully unfastening the chain around his neck, and stringing the key onto it. “But you can’t lose it, even if you try. It’ll always just end up back in your pocket, and if anyone tries to steal it, it just disappears.”

“Isn’t that a tad… Dark?” Ginny suggested.

“Not really, just protective.”

She shrugged and then nodded, and Evan could tell that everyone wanted to see what was in the last box. He reached in, and carefully took the box out. It was heavy, allowing him to hazard a guess as to what it contained. Carefully, he opened it to reveal a large, gold signet ring. It was an old-style piece, with a large, round sapphire in the centre and two star-shaped white diamonds on each side. The gold was intricately patterned, and the sapphire had been carved intaglio style with the Dyer arms – a crowned lion surrounded by three stars. Evan knew that every member of the elder Dyer line received a similar ring, although several of his second-cousins also received similar rings.

“Always the Dyer colours eh?” Lily laughed, as Evan slid it onto the middle finger of his left hand. Evan smiled blandly at her, nodding slightly.

“So what’s it do?” James asked, leaning in slightly.

Evan quirked an eyebrow at him, and then smiled. “Nothing, it’s a signet ring. What more do you want?”

James looked slightly crestfallen, but Hermione was looking at Evan with a furrowed brow.

“Why do you get these heirlooms now, and not in a will?” she asked Evan.

“Because the Ministries in the countries where the Dyer family lives are always very interested in examining the contents of last wills and testaments,” he smiled at her. “So, over the centuries it’s become a matter of course to give important heirlooms or artefacts to family members on the equinoxes or solstices before major birthdays.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Fair call, I can’t say the Ministry wouldn’t want to ransack that mansion of yours,” she stopped suddenly and looked at him beadily again. “But why on the equinoxes or solstices?”

“You have met members of my family other than my mother and me right?”

“Good point.”

*

Evan was staring out the window. It was raining heavily, and for an irrational moment, it made Evan miss his parents, and siblings, and the coast of Kent, and then Albus fell down the stairs.

“You alright Al?” Evan called.

“Fine,” Albus replied in a dejected voice.

“You really should try walking down the stairs feet first. As someone who used to go down them in more interesting ways, I can attest to its effectiveness.”

Albus walked into the room and grinned sheepishly. “I will take it under advisement.”

“Do so.” Evan said, as his phone began to ring. He took it out, it was Cassie. He was met by a blast of suspiciously French sounding background noise, and then Cassie came on, sounding slightly hysterical.

“Evan–” she began, but Evan cut her off incredulously.

“You’re in France.”

James, Albus, Lily and Fiana all sat up and looked at him, so he put the phone on speaker.

“Well,” Cassie began reluctantly, Evan could tell. “I was with Celeste, and we decided on the spur of the moment that we’d have a weekend in Paris…”

“Creators save me.”

“So we apparated over,” Cassie said quickly, ignoring Evan’s previous comment.

“Long distance, impressive,” he replied dryly.

“Anyway,” there was a note of panic entering her voice. “Celeste has to go back to work, so she’s just caught a port-key back to Japan–”

“Where are you?”

“In front of the Eiffel Tower?”

“I’ll send Fiana.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she said, nearly crying.

“Uh, Cass,” Evan asked, cutting through the gratitude as he became aware of James’ close proximity. “I’m going to have to call you back, someone is standing abnormally close to me.”

“Oh well, say hello to James for me.” She replied, before hanging up.

Fiana rolled her eyes at him, and then disapparated.

Evan turned to James. “Who said you could breath my air, dickwacker?”

James and Albus both began laughing, and Lily rolled her eyes. “Seriously Evan I swear you’re just another Potter sometimes. Are you sure we’re not related?”

Evan looked at her with some surprise. “We are related, you knew that right?”

Lily’s smile faltered for a second – she hadn’t known, Albus and James however instantly wore identical expressions of pure shock.

“I’m sorry; did you just say we’re related?” James said, horrified.

“Yes,” Evan answered, completely nonplussed.

“Surely you must have–” suddenly he stopped, clapping his hand to his mouth. Just then, Ginny and Harry walked into the room. Looking around at the shocked expressions, Harry sighed. “Okay,” he said. “Who broke what?”

Lily looked at her father “Nothing actually. Well a vase,” she smiled brightly at Evan “But Evan was just about to tell us how we’re related.”

Harry raised his eyebrows, while Ginny laughed “Through the Weasleys is it?” she asked.

“No actually, the Potters,” Evan began “I always assumed you knew, but then I remembered that your parents–” he stopped, horrified.

Mr. Potter however waved aside Evan’s sudden awkwardness. “I knew the Potters were purebloods. How are we related?” he asked. James and Albus were still making strangling noises.

“My paternal Great-Great-Great-Great Grandmother – Sarah Dyer was the twin sister of your paternal Great-Great-Great-Grat Grandfather, Hector Potter.” Evan said.

“So we’re like, sixth cousins?” Albus asked.

“I think so.”

“Merlin’s Beard Ev!” James said “I thought you meant like, actually related.”

Lily looked at her brother archly “Why so worried, brother dearest?” she asked sweetly “It’s almost as if you wouldn’t want to be related to your best friend.”

James looked at her with consternation, Albus was on the floor, giggling like a possessed thing and Harry and Ginny both looked bemused.

Finally, after a lengthy silence, Evan coughed delicately and turned to Harry and Ginny.

“So, Fiana’s just gone to pick up Cassie, she got… lost.”

Harry sat down at the kitchen table, as Ginny headed upstairs to deposit what was obviously Christmas shopping.

“Where did she end up, this time?” Harry asked.

 “Paris, apparently,” James snorted as Evan sat down in between James and Lily, while Albus went off to bother his mother.

Harry shook his head slightly, and then turned to Evan. “While I think of it, Ginny and I were wondering what your plans were for Christmas Day?” He asked, smiling kindly. “Molly’s said she’d be happy to have you there for Christmas lunch.”

Lily and James both turned to him, their eyes large. Evan looked from one to the other, and chuckled.

“I’ll probably stay here Christmas morning, hang out with you guys like usual,” he said, noticing with a pang that both Lily and James looked excited by the information. “And then I’ll head back for Christmas lunch with my family. All four of my grandparents are going to be there, plus both my dad’s siblings and all four of mum’s.”

“Godric, how many people will that be?” Lily asked curiously, while James sulked.

“About thirty I think,” Evan said, thinking for a second. “All twenty Dyers and twenty Chants.”

Harry looked confused. “Shouldn’t there be forty people?”

Evan laughed, and then shook his head. “Not when you consider the fact that there are ten people who are in both families.”

“So who’s actually going?” Lily persisted.

Evan smiled to himself. At times, Lily Potter had an almost insatiable desire to know every little detail about a certain situation or event. It was a form of curiosity that far transcended her brothers’ nosiness, and entered into a realm of its own. One of the things that had always fascinated Evan however is that she seemed to be able to remember the details perfectly, even months later. As he looked at her earnest face, he realised with a certain amount of consternation that not only would she pester him until he revealed the names of every one of his extended family coming to the Christmas party, but that she’d also make him introduce her to them. With a sigh, Evan mentally went over the guest list.

“Let’s see… Christmas lunch will be my Opa and Oma, Pop and Kyle, Grandmother, Aunty Eva and Uncle Chris, Aunty Erin and Uncle Tom, Uncle Wilhelm, Uncle Gerhard, Uncle Peter and Aunty Selene,” he said, ticking each name off his fingers. “Umm, and my various cousins.”

She looked at him curiously. “Opa, Oma, Grandmother, Pop and Kyle, cousins?”

“Are you serious?” He said with exasperation as James and Harry rolled their eyes at him. Lily however nodded earnestly at him.

“You should be a Watchwoman,” he sighed, but acquiesced. “Okay, there’ll be my Opa Nicodemus, and my Oma Oriana – they’re my grandparents on the Chant side. Then there’ll be my Grandmother, Ximena, and my Grandfather Pyronicus (who we call Pop) and his ‘younger male life partner’ Kyle,” Evan said wiggling his fingers. “As for cousins… on the Chant side there’ll be Maria, Bruce, Yvette, Jay, Cat (Amy’s brother who you’ve met), and Amy. On the Dyer side there’ll be Jacob, Paul, Jason, Peter and Rachael, and technically Amy and Cat,” she opened her mouth to ask for more, but he cut her off. “Don’t ask for ages, I don’t remember them all.”

“And all of those people are staying at your parents house?” James asked, slightly bemused.

“Yep, plus when you, Lil, Al, Fi, Cass and Michael arrive it’ll be even busier. Good thing it’s a big place eh?”

Chapter 10: But nobody could find Pip

Summary:

In which there are some presents, an abominable grandmother, and a house party.

Christmas Day seemed to come quickly that year. It fell on a Friday, and contrary to Evan’s usual experiences with Fridays and the relative speed with which they arrived – which is to say slowly – it seemed like no time at all before he was awoken – rather unceremoniously it must be pointed out – by the three Potter children. Indeed, Evan was not so much awoken as he was surprised by the sensation of Albus tearing the warm blankets off the bed, and James picking Evan up and throwing him over his shoulder, with Lily singing a dirty Christmas song behind him.

As such, when he was unceremoniously dumped onto one of the sofas in the Potter’s living room, he was not perhaps in the best mood – particularly in light of the fact that he was wearing nothing but his underwear – a fact that Ginny picked up on immediately.

“Ah, James?” she asked, sweetly.

“Yes?” He asked, giving her his absolute best blue-eyed-boy look.

“Did you three actually wake Evan, or did you merely drag him down here, waking him up in the process – thus leading to a situation where he didn’t have time to get dressed?”

“Uh, the first one, I believe mummy dearest,” Albus said brightly.

“Yes, it’s not our fault that Evan is such a babe, and as such decided to shame us all with his six-pack and arms,” Lily added, her eyes twinkling.

Ginny looked at her daughter dryly, and then at Evan – who was concentrating on making sure that everything remained inside his boxers.

“Was it the second option?” Ginny asked him, giving him her best sympathetic expression.

Evan sighed dramatically, and sat up properly. “If by ‘actually wake up’ you mean ‘Albus ripped the covers off me, thus waking me up, before Jamie threw me over his shoulder and carried me down here while I bit him’ – then yes, I suppose they did do option one.”

James looked at him with confusion. “You didn’t bite me.”

“Oh, my mistake,” Evan said, casually walking across the room and biting him on the arm.

“Ow!” James cried, while everyone else fell about laughing.

“I’ll just go throw some clothes on,” Evan said, before bounding up to the room he shared with James.

By the time he returned, the presents had been sorted out into piles. With a twinge of embarrassment he sat down in front of his own pile (which was larger than everyone else’s), and upon Lily’s command, unwrapped his presents.

This year he was particularly happy, having received a Honeydukes hamper from the Potters, a new set of beaters gloves and first edition of Evan’s favourite novel from James, a copy of the Oxford Magical Dictionary of Spells (all fifty volumes stored neatly in a spelled carrying case) from Fiana, some expensive cologne from Cassie, a yellow and black Wasps jersey from Michael, An enchanted guitar, four novels and a Quidditch ball set from his parents, a dragon-hide wrist band from Elijah, a book on Animagi from Eleanor, a potions kit from Eugene, and a note from Amelie which advised Evan that she’d booked them in for an appointment at Britain’s premier tattooist on the fourth and fifth of July, 2022.

After unwrapping his presents he watched everyone else unwrap the presents he’d got them. Albus walked around the room, almost preening in the Dragon-hide jacket Evan had got him, Lily, Cassie and Fiana both hugged him excitedly upon opening their charmed charm bracelets, with Fiana returning to hug him again, after discovering he’d also bought her the Oxford Magical Dictionary of Spells. Evan’s favourite reaction however, came from James.

Evan passed James his present, which he instantly picked up and shook slightly, grinning like a maniac.

“It’s in a box Jamie,” Evan said, laughing. “You’ll have to unwrap it to see.”

James quickly ripped off the paper and opened the box, before sitting back with a gasp – much to Evan’s satisfaction.

“What is it?” Lily asked, holding up a pair of knitted socks from her grandmother.

“It’s…” words seemed to, for once, fail James, who simply looked at his sister with wide eyes.

“It’s a full set of Arrows Quidditch kit, plus Julian Matthews number fifteen jersey from the World Cup last year, signed by the whole team.” Evan surmised.

James was suddenly hugging him very fiercely, muttering “I bloody love you sometimes” into Evan’s hair. James leaned back and looked ruefully at the Quidditch gloves and Book he’d given Evan. “These seem a bit poor now, particularly since Perfect Boy swallowed his pride and got you some Wasps kit, and you got me this,” he said, lovingly stroking the jersey.

Evan furrowed his brow in disbelief. “James? You got a first edition, signed copy of The Book Thief – I don’t even understand how you managed to get it!”

James actually blushed, and looked at the ground. “Mum and Dad helped,” he admitted.

“Speaking of ‘Dad’,” Harry said, disentangling himself from Lily and Albus – who were hugging him after receiving identical Summerfrost broomsticks – and smiling at his son. “I think you’d better go look outside Jamie.”

James looked suspiciously at his father, but nodded and walked outside with him. There was several moments silence before an excited shout, and then a moment later he ran back in, again followed by Harry.

“DAD GOT ME A FLYING MOTORBIKE!” James yelled exuberantly.

“Let me get this straight.” Ginny said, with acidic precision as she walked towards her husband. “Before I begin flinging curses at you”

“Okay” Harry said, calmly.

“You bought our eldest son a flying motorcycle?” She said, apparently trying very hard to keep calm.

“For Christmas, yes,” Harry affirmed.

“Why did you buy our eldest son a flying motorcycle for Christmas?” she asked, he voice going up an octave or two.

“Because he wanted one.”

“He- you- WHAT?” she yelled.

“C’mon Ginny, we used to have fun on Sirius’ old bike.”

“YES, BEFORE RONALD SMASHED IT INTO A TREE!” she screamed.

“James is quite a lot more level-headed than Ron,” Harry said mildly. “Plus I have every confidence that he won’t ride it after drinking a bottle of Firewhisky.”

“YOU REALISE THAT THIS MEANS THAT ALBUS AND LILY WILL WANT BIKES TOO!” she yelled, utterly losing her composure.

“Albus says he prefers brooms,” Harry said in a soothing tone, “Although I think we’ll have to buy Lily one.”

“HARRY JAMES POTTER! YOU- I–” Ginny, apparently too incensed to talk to her husband, disapparated.

“So,” Evan said into the deafening silence, “You got a bike! Yay!”

Everyone seemed to find that hysterically funny for some reason.

*

Evan apparated in front of the marble steps leading to Sunbryer’s ridiculously imposing front doors just shy of eleven. It was snowing, and Evan was feverishly grateful for the fact that Ginny had decided to send his luggage and presents on before him, as negotiating the seven icy steps was difficult enough without the added weight of a charmed satchel and suitcase. As he reached the front door, it suddenly opened, nearly unbalancing him, and revealed his Aunts Eva and Erin, both of whom looked about ready to kill something.

“Nico,” Aunt Erin cried, engulfing him in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

“Hey, Aunty Erin, Aunty Eva,” he said, hugging both of them. “Merry Christmas!”

Eva laughed ruefully. “A hell of a lot better now you’re here, your grandmother has been growing acidic about the absence of ‘two certain elder male scions of the Dyer Dynasty, who for reasons known only to them have decided to be absent for our arrival’,” she said, imitating her mother with alarming accuracy.

Evan flashed her a cheeky grin. “Oh, sure, now she’s my grandmother.”

Erin mimed a blow to Evan’s head, and all three of them laughed. Evan liked his Aunts – they were both in their thirties, and had the characteristic grey eyes and flowing black hair characteristic of the Dyer family. They were both perfectly respectable, but there was a hint of mischief about them, a sense of the ridiculous that Evan always found infectious.

“Where’s Grandmother now?” Evan asked, as his Aunts guided him through the entrance hall towards the parlour.

They rolled their eyes at one another; however it was Eva who spoke. “Well, after she’d complained about the fact we were congregating in the parlour instead of the drawing room or morning room –”

“Oh no,” Evan said.

“She went to inspect the decorations in the Great Chamber and Great Hall and became incensed at the fact that your father had refused to commission ice nymph statues as she’d requested–”

“Oh no.”

“She’s in the fainting room now, sobbing at her house elf.”

“Have Oma and Opa got here yet?” he asked.

“A little while ago,” Erin replied. “They find your grandmother hilarious, and they’ve taken to dad and Kyle nicely.”

They entered the parlour to find most of Evan’s extended family where there, laughing and talking, and in the case of his younger cousins screaming. Evan noticed with a certain amusement that his parents had finally given in, and ordered the full contingent of house-elves to the residence for occasion.

It was a fact that wasn’t lost on Erin either. “Hang on,” she said, with some confusion. “There’s more elves than I remember.”

“Well yeah,” Evan said, “Usually we just have Funky, Skanky, Wonky, Twinky and Boris.”

“The Butler, Cook, Housekeeper, Companion and Houseman?” his aunt asked.

“Yeah, there’s a couple of Elves that look after the grounds, but we don’t actually see them because they look after all the Dyer properties. But mum and dad have obviously brought in Slinky to be a Nanny for the kids, and Plum, Peach and Nectarine to be maids.”

His mother walked forward and hugged him. “Hello Nico sweetie”, she said, as she drew the three of them across the room to one of the long sofas, where Evan settled next to Amy and Eleanor. “How was the Potters’?”

“They were good,” Evan smiled. “A bit stressed towards the end.”

“Why?” Amy asked curiously from beside him.

“Harry bought James a flying motorcycle for Christmas.”

There was a general explosion of laughter from everyone in earshot.

“That seems… safe,” his Uncle Tom commented genially from where he was sitting next to Evan’s grandfather.

“Indeed,” Pyronicus commented. “How are you Nico?”

“I’m good Pop, how are you?”

“Fine, fine, I see you’re wearing you ring.”

Evan was about to reply, when Amelie tapped him discreetly on the shoulder, and indicated with her head that she wanted to talk to him outside.

He followed her outside, noticing that she was actually shaking.

“Hey A, what’s wrong?” He asked as they walked together down the garden path to the gazebo, sitting on the divan within.

She didn’t answer until they were seated, and her back was to the windows.

“So, Grandmother found out about my plans to go to Oxford today,” Amelie sad.

Evan looked at her evenly. “… And?”

Amy sighed mournfully. “She went ballistic. I believe her exact word were ‘No granddaughter of mine is matriculating with muggles and filth’ It was excellent, I utterly enjoyed being humiliated like that.”

Evan narrowed his eyes, and took her hand. “Uncle Chris and Aunty Eva are all for you going though aren’t they?”

“Yeah, but she says she’ll cut them off if they let me go.”

Evan’s outrage was beginning to build, his grandmother wasn’t the nicest of individuals at the best of times, and she had apparently decided to have a massive tantrum over the Christmas period.

“She can’t actually do that you know,” he said, squeezing Amelie’s hand. “It’s not her money to control, it’s Pop’s. Beside Uncle Chris works with Dad, so it’s not like you guys are broke.”

“I know–”

“And you can be guaranteed that the best way to get your mum to agree is to have the old goat try and stop you. Pop would go absolutely–” Evan stopped, suddenly hit with an excellent plan.

“Absolutely what?”

Evan looked at his cousin and grinned evilly. “Tell me A, are you up for some constructive plotting and family pyrotechnics?”

She looked at him for a second, before suddenly catching on. “I believe E, that I am.”

Taking her hand, he led her up the path towards the house. “Let’s go back inside and bait Granny Goat.”

As they re-entered the parlour, Evan was relieved that their absence hadn’t really been missed, mostly due to the arrival of Eugene and Amy’s brother Cat some moments before.

“Evan!” Cat called genially, coming forward to engulf him in a rough hug.

Evan liked his cousin. Growing up, Evan had spent just as much time with Amelie and Christopher – or Cat as his nickname went – as with his own siblings. Cat worked for a magical Publishing House on Arcadia Circus – one of all-magic high streets such as Phoenix Loop, Chanters Way, and Eldrich Street, that had been developed across London to compliment Diagon Alley over the last twenty years. He was nineteen, and with the characteristic height, grey eyes and black hair of the Dyer family, and the debonair of the Chants, he was apparently quite the heartbreaker.

“Hey, Cat, how are you?” Evan asked, returning the hug and the grin that went with it.

“He is late, which is unacceptable for a Dyer,” the voice of Ximena Valazquez-Dyer floated from behind them.  “Nearly as shameful as you missing the entirety of Yule morning because you were spending time with the family of that overblown celebrity, Potter.”

Evan however, was ready for the acidic remarks, and noted with a certain satisfaction that everyone else in the room was staring at her with a similar look of distaste.

“Grandmother, how lovely to see you,” he lied unctuously. “Do you mean the same Harry Potter who you’ll be fawning over this evening with your crony friends – if one of your children hasn’t turned you into a goat?”

The only sound in the room was his Oma, hiding a laugh behind a cough.

“What did you just say to me boy?” his Grandmother asked in a dangerous voice. “I am your grandmother, and you will respect me, or I will make you respect me,” she said, pulling her wand out menacingly.

Amelie entered the fray, coming to stand beside Evan. “Evan has friends, Grandmother. You know, people who like him for who he is, not for the fact that he has money.”

“Oh shut up Emelia–”

“Amelie,” she corrected.

“EVANDER, DOESN’T HAVE ANY MONEY, EMLIE. AND YOU WILL NOT BE ATTENDING THAT FILTHY MUGGLE UNIVERSITY. AS MATRIARCH OF THE DYER FAM–”

“You no longer have access to it,” Pyronicus Dyer drawled. “The money is mine. You have your retainer – which may I remind you Ximena, I do not have to give you – and nothing more.” She stopped, her eyes bulging with shock. Pyronicus however continued: “While by no means small, the money of the Velázquez family does not rival the funds which emanate from me. If my granddaughter wants to go to Oxford, she will.”

Evalina was standing now. “That’s right mother, it isn’t your place to interfere in Amelie’s schooling.”

Ximena made a shocked squawking noise, and was about to launch into another tirade when Evan’s Oma stood up. Evan noticed with a certain amount of amusement, that his Opa was laughing at a quip made by Uncle Thomas, and was not paying the slightest attention.

“It should also be noted, my dear,” Oriana Chant said in a deceptively friendly manner. “That were Pyronicus not willing to pay Amelie’s way, she has two other grandparents who would.”

“I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO IN THIS–”

“Oh shut up mother,” Aunty Erin said tiredly, casting a silencing charm on her mother, who continued to yell silently, apparently unaware of the charm placed on her.

“So, who’s up for lunch?” Erasmus asked, looking around cheerfully.

*

It was just before dusk when the Potters apparated just shy of the front steps of Sunbryer. James was amused, as both his siblings looked less than pleased with their first experiences with side-along apparition. He was about to comment on the fact when there was a gasp from behind them.

“Did they just… appear out of nowhere?” A slightly shocked voice asked behind them, causing his parents to look at one another with amusement. James glanced back, and saw Michael Conyngham looking at him with mortification. Remembering his promise to Evan, James stayed behind as his parents and siblings entered and threw Michael a smile and a greeting. “Alright, Conyngham?”

“Yeah, and you?” The other boy said, responding to James’ grin with a slightly surprised grin of his own.

Michael turned, and rather shyly indicated the various members of his family. “These are my sisters, Martha and Brie, and Brie’s husband Thomas, and my Mum and Dad,” he said indicating his family members.

“Pleased to meet you,” James said, smiling politely as each person. Michael’s father looked at him inquiringly. “I’m James.”

“You’re Evander’s best friend?” Michael’s mother asked.

“Uh, yeah,” James and Michael said at exactly the same time.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, in which James desperately racked his brains for a safe topic of conversation to initiate. Luckily, a House-Elf appeared, wearing a strange, toga-like costume in gold-fringed cream. “Greetings Monsieurs and Madames, please come inside, where warmth and refreshment awaits.”

The elf had a distinctly American twang to its voice, and James blinked for a second, completely nonplussed. “Buttercup, is that you?” he asked.

“Why yes Master James, it is, how nice of you to remember.” Buttercup said, ushering them all inside.

“What was that?” Michael’s sister Brie asked, her eyes slightly bulging.

“It’s just a House-Elf dear,” the other sister, Martha replied. “Just relax; I’m sure you’re in for more surprises.”

As they were ushered inside, Michael lent in close. “You’re being awfully nice?”

James flushed slightly. “Yeah, well I was being an arse for no reason,” he said quietly. “Look, I’m not going to apologise, but I think… we should try and be friends for Ev’s sake.”

Michael looked at him with laughter in his eyes for a moment or two, and then nodded. “Did you just call that elf ‘Buttercup’?”

“Yeah, she’s one of the Dyer’s Elves from over in the States, I met her a couple of years ago.”

The Conyngham’s moved closer, looking interested in what he was saying.

“So you’ve known Evan a while then?” The one called Martha asked curiously.

“Yeah, we became friends on the way to school in First Year.” James said, smiling slightly at the memory. “Our parents knew each other beforehand I think, but that’s when Ev and I met.”

There was some nodding, and James felt an incredible urge to laugh. Michael’s father and sister seemed to be taking in the sheer magical nature of the household well, but his mother and other sister – Brie – seemed to be slightly put off. It was hardly surprising since the Christmas Tree in the entrance hall appeared to more closely resemble a fairy colony. The sight of the creatures fluttering about was quite attractive, but no doubt disconcerting.

Martha – who James had by now ascertained was a witch – cocked her head at him for a moment, as if trying to remember something. “What did you say your name was? James…”

James groaned inwardly, hoping that this wouldn’t turn out like he feared. “Potter, sorry. James Sirius Potter, at your service,” he said, affecting a courtly bow, which made the Conyngham’s to titter nervously.

“Potter as in… Harry Potter?” Michael’s dad asked.

“Dad,” Michael said warningly, lifting James’ estimation of Michael considerably.

“Do you know a Teddy Lupin?” Martha asked suddenly.

James laughed, remembering suddenly that Teddy had always had some sort of love-hate relationship with one of Michael’s older siblings. “Yeah, he’s engaged to my cousin Victoire? Did you know him?” James smiled.

“It seems like I spent most of my school life chasing him and his stupid mates out of the Ravenclaw common room,” she said blithely.

James cocked his head slightly. He vaguely remembered Teddy mentioning his nemesis the Conyngham when he was younger, and James had for some unknown reason assumed it to be a boy.

“He’s coming tonight I think,” James mentioned. “The Weasleys will nearly outnumber the Dyers and Chants here tonight.”

“Oh Micah, you’ve got a good friend here, don’t screw it up,” Martha teased.

Michael was obviously about to reply, when he – like James – noticed Evan, Eugene, Amelie and her brother Cat heading towards them, smiling. James was slightly dazzled for a second, taking in the well tailored suits Eugene, Christopher and Evan were sporting, and the sleek black dress that Amy was in. Michael’s sudden stiffness indicated that he was definitely appreciative of their attire as well, probably in more ways than one. 

“Hey you guys,” Evan called out as they approached.

“Are they… talking?” Amy asked in a theatrical whisper.

“Without their wands drawn, I know,” Evan replied in a similar tone.

“Perhaps they’re waiting ‘til there’s more witnesses, you know, Muggle Cowboy style,” Amelie suggested. “Oh! Or they could be body doubles, to replace the fact that Michael and James secretly killed each other.”

“Perhaps the body doubles are to hide the fact that they’re secretly having an affair?” Evan suggested, flashing them a big grin.

Michael’s family looked utterly confused, and James and Michael both groaned. Michael turned to James and said in a similar stage whisper, “Have you ever noticed that when certain people find something funny they run it into the ground?”

“I do in fact know exactly what you mean,” James said, grinning at Michael. “Besides, keep your fantasies to yourself Potter.”

Eugene and Cat rolled their eyes at each other, while their siblings laughed heartily. James was slightly suspicious that they had indulged in something alcoholic to make the affair more fun, and hoped fervently that they’d share.

Having recovered slightly from his amusement, Evan moved in between James and Michael and slung an arm over each of their shoulders. “Cat, Gene, you know Jamie,” he said, grinning at James for a second. James could definitely smell a slight whiff of something alcoholic on his breath. “And this is my boyfriend Michael.”

“James, Michael.” Cat said, smiling at both of them, Eugene following suit.

Michael was looking around with a slightly dazed expression. First time visitors were often awed by the sheer opulence of the Dyer residence, or as Evan and his parents called it “the overindulgence of generations of tricksters and charlatans.” However, James had to give him credit as he pulled himself together and looked at Evan.

“Where are Hayden and McAllister?” Michael asked.

“They said they were apparating in a bit,” James stepped in.

“Oh –” Michael began, looking abashed.

“How about I show you around Micah?” Evan asked, taking Michael’s hand and leading him off.

The Conyngham’s wandered off, with Michael’s father spotting someone he knew, and James was left with Eugene, Cat and Amy, all three of them staring at him sympathetically, which to be honest freaked him out slightly. It was like they knew something he didn’t.

“I need a drink,” he said.

“We’re having an internal party after dinner, which will be in about an hour and half,” Amy said kindly. “We’ve given Nico forty minutes to bop his boffin and then we’re dragging him back down.”

“Bop his boffin?” Cat said in an appalled voice. “Amelie, how are we even related?”

“Oh well, at least a bed will be a new thing for them,” James said without thinking, instantly regretting his words as the three turned to look at him curiously. Feeling there gaze boring a hole into him, he continued.

“Evan alluded to the fact that he and Michael got… frisky quite a few times, I believe the words ‘up against a tree’ were used.”

Eugene raised his eyebrows. “The boyfriend looks far too wholesome for that sort of thing! Just goes to show you shouldn’t judge somebody by appearances.”

“Or maybe you’re crap at judging characters?” Amy offered.

James groaned again, he wasn’t up to dealing with smart-mouthed Dyers and Chants and the thought of Evan having sex without alcohol in his system.

“A drink? Now. Please?”

*

Evan and Michael walked quickly down into the public section of the house, trying as hard as possible to look unobtrusive. Evan felt that he was doing rather well, considering he’d had to repair his jacket, and re-gel his hair. Michael on the other hand wasn’t even trying to hide his massive, self-satisfied grin.

“Stop grinning, you look like a hillbilly who just stumbled into daddy’s meth lab,” Evan said, rolling his eyes.

Michael stopped grinning at looked at him with mystification. “Hillbilly, really Ev?”

“Quote from an old TV show, learn your history.”

They walked down the stairs to find James, Cassie, Fiana, all three of Evan’s siblings, Amy and Cat waiting for them. Evan groaned inwardly, berating himself for asking Amy to cover for him. He caught his mothers gaze from across the hall, but she merely quirked an eyebrow and nodded mockingly.

“Amy, I thought you were meant to cover for me?”

“I did cousin-dearest,” she said grandly. “The rest of us have just spent the last twenty minutes looking for Fiana’s handbag, which Leah and I just found in the attic,” she continued linking arms with his sister who grinned impishly at him.

Fiana looked suitably contrite. “I am sorry for the trouble; you didn’t have your phone on you, so we couldn’t tell you that we’d found it,” she said, as Evan’s grandparents strolled past and nodded at them.

Evan had to stop himself from laughing. “Probably one of the house-elves, you know how they get.”

“Oh absolutely,” Cassie said sanctimoniously.

“Damn indentured domestics” Cat put in.

“Can’t trust them with anything,” Eugene agreed.

“Except the ironing,” Evan added.

“Well, the ironing yes of course, but I was speaking of more general things cousin,” Cat countered, throwing Evan a lazy grin.

“Like butter?” Amy asked.

“Yams, they’re okay with Yams.” James affirmed.

“Peanut butter?” asked Cassie.

“Hiding clothing,” Elijah put in.

“Hiding themselves,” Eleanor added.

They were beginning to attract a small crowd, all of whom were tittering.

“And… the sheets?” Michael offered, clearly out of his element.

“No, they’re fine with the sheets,” Fiana corrected him kindly. “Ghastly with those little golden straws you use to suck the innards out of pomegranates though.”

“And ladles,” James put in.

“The ladles, oh, the ladles,” Cat cried with mock-sadness.

“Children, do you think we could be witty and entertaining elsewhere?” Aunt Eva had arrived, arm in arm with Evan’s mother.

“Yes dears, you don’t want to be mistaken for jesters,” his mother said in an amused tone. “Go be weird somewhere else.”

En masse, the group moved out into the conservatory, which despite its relative warmth, was sparsely populated. Evan plonked down on one of the long lounges beneath a tree to watch Eugene, Cat, James, Cassie and Fiana began conjuring flowers and flinging them at each other. Elijah, Amy, Michael and Eleanor sat down next to him. Evan watched with amusement as the flowers became more and more exotic, and eventually became fruit.

“It would seem that Cassandra and Fiana are using the pineapples to great effect,” Amy commented drily.

“Indeed,” Evan murmured, watching as Christopher, Eugene and James began to try and block the incoming fruit.

“Ouch, coconut to the gonads,” Michael said, wincing. “Who’s going to clean all this up?” he asked, concern showing on his face.

Evan smiled slightly. Michael was every the pragmatist, and while this trait was endearing, it also drove Evan crazy occasionally.

“The House-Elves are already cleaning up,” Elijah said, pointing to one of the gardeners industriously turning the debris into butterflies.

“You all treat this as if it’s normal,” Michael said, failing to keep the wonder from his voice.

“Not true Micah, sometimes we have hall-jousting, but I doubt this is the time for it,” Evan pointed out genially.

“Or Leah and I get bored and have a massive fight over nothing,” Elijah said.

“Or my family visits, and my Nico’s mum pushes my dad down the stairs, or pretends to drown him in the swimming pool,” Amy added, stretching.

“Or Eugene hides my phone and I have to punish him,” Eleanor interjected, looking up from the device for the first time in five or so minutes.

“That’s the other thing I’ve been wondering,” Michael said, sitting up slightly and looking at the other four with a grave expression.

“Mmm?” Evan said, watching as the five would-be warriors approached being trailed politely the other long lounges and a coffee table.

“Why does your family call you Nico?”

There was a moment’s pause as James, Cat, Eugene, Fiana and Eleanor sat down opposite them, conjuring some candles to add atmosphere.

“You’ve been dating him how long and you haven’t asked that yet?” Eugene asked amiably.

Michael shook his head, and Evan roused himself. “Because my father’s father was named Evander, and his uncle, and his great-great-uncle, so technically I am Evander Dyer IV.”

“Dad wanted to call him Eric,” Eleanor said, having caught her breath. “But mum liked Evander, and pointed out that since she’d given birth to Nico, she could call him what she liked.”

Evan smiled indulgingly at his sister. “Anyway, my Grandfather – Pyronicus, used to call me Evander Nicodemus whenever I was in trouble when I was a kid. Then after a while it became Nicodemus, and then just Nico and it sort of caught on,” Evan shrugged, indicating that there wasn’t much more to the story. “The name spread to my Chant relatives, and now everyone just calls me Nico. I don’t actually mind the nickname, so I’ve never made an issue of it.”

Michael frowned, obviously struggling with something to do with the concept. “But doesn’t it get confusing having two completely different nicknames, Evan to your close friends and Nico to your family?” he persisted.

“Michael sweety,” Amy said, not unkindly. “There’s an old adage in the Dyer family, ‘Melius esse absurdum, quam omnino insulsus’ which translated from Latin basically means ‘It’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring’. It’s the family motto, and is even on the Dyer Coat of Arms. Does that explain it at all?”

Michael frowned, and shook his head. “Not at all, it sounds like its saying to purposely be extravagant for no reason.”

“Not at all,” Evan said, grabbing Michael’s hand. “What it means is that you should always be yourself, no matter how ridiculous your personality is, because trying to be boring and normal is bad for you.”

Cassie and James exchanged looks and both burst out laughing, eliciting confused looks from the rest of the gathering.

“What is up weird-kids?” Cat asked, chuckling along with them despite himself.

James was nearly crying with laughter, and Cassie wasn’t much better. “It’s just–” Cassie began, before falling into a fresh wave of laughter, pointing at James to get him to finish.

“The idea of Evan, ever, being boring is just–” James tried to say, before also doubling over with laughter.

“I think they’ve actually lost it,” Eugene said sadly.

“They were a good pair,” Evan said solemnly.

“Kind to their friends,” Elijah added, bowing his head.

“Rarely to each other,” Fiana added, also bowing her head.

“Oh how we’ll miss their wily and winsome screaming matches in the Gryffindor Abode, such joyful noises!” Amy eulogised, her voice shaking with mock emotion.

“The times that she turned his broomstick into an echidna, and he retaliated by turning her anime into pandas. Stampeding pandas, through the common room,” Eleanor added.

“Truly, they will be missed,” Cat intoned.

James and Cassie just laughed harder, but Michael seemed slightly shell-shocked.

“Did you just… eulogise them?” he asked, his eyes slightly wide. 

“Yep,” Evan replied, kissing Michael on the side of the neck.

“If the Monsieurs and Madames would follow me, dinner is about to be served in the house,” came the voice of a House-elf behind them.

*

The meal was of course, lovely. Everything was delicious and perfectly seasoned. This didn’t surprise James in the least – after all the Dyers always had the best of everything.

What interested James more than the food however was the fact that Michael seemed to be utterly freaking out. For all that his father and sister were wizards, Michael it seemed, had never set foot in a truly magical dwelling before, and perhaps Sunbryer had been the wrong choice to start with.

While nothing compared to Hogwarts, the Dyer home was unusual. The insane servants, mischievous portraits – who over the years had been taught various bawdy drinking songs – and the moving furniture were all definitely surprising, and the Dyer’s themselves seemed to always know exactly how to adopt an air of equal parts sophistication, refinement and insanity that made them almost unnerving, and that was what James loved about them.

As he sat at the impossibly long table, with Evan to his right and Amy to his left, Lily and Michael across from him, James couldn’t help but smile – he wasn’t exactly sure why Michael’s discomfort pleased him so much, but it did. He stared down at his plate and methodically attempted to work out precisely why this was. It wasn’t that he disliked the other boy; in spite of himself James was actually starting to like him. It had to do with Evan, and not wanting Michael to date him. There was no real logical reason for it, but there it was.

“You look like the cat that caught the canary,” Amy murmured into ear.

“What?” James asked, confused.

“The cracks are making you far too happy.”

He turned to look at her, and came face to face with her mesmerising grey eyes, that seemed to look directly into his brain – another Dyer trait – one that tended to freak James out.

“Are you sure there isn’t some sort of latent-telepathic talent in the Dyer family,” James asked giving her his best half-grin. “Because that would explain a lot really, either that or you have your House-elves read my diary.”

“It’s entirely possible,” she conceded vaguely, returning his smile with one that was far too knowing for James’ tastes.

“Which one’s entirely possible?” he pressed, enjoying himself in spite of his growing paranoia.

“Either or really Jamie, either or.”

James’ felt his eyes widen slightly. “That’s really not comforting you know?” he said, leaning back to give her an extra special dose of devastatingly-attractive-stare number four. “You’re very much not being comforting.”

The stare was superbly ineffective, it merely caused her to sigh and say, not unkindly, “Oh James Potter, I am so not the one you should be using that foppish look on.”

Chapter 11: Groping about in the dark

Summary:

In which there is a climatic finale, a revelation, and a delicious amount of awkwardness.

Once Christmas was over, Sunbryer quickly settled back into its usual relaxed rhythm. Eleanor and Elijah engaged in their usual wave of disputes, Eugene brought his girlfriend Sarah over for dinner every night he wasn’t working, James and Fiana and Evan messed around with Evan’s new guitar, and Michael got uncomfortable.

Indeed, it seemed to Evan that Michael had three major modes of operation: one, where he was actively attempting to either kiss or have sex with Evan, two, where he was polite and affable with everybody, and three, where he was made to feel uncomfortable by the peculiarity of the Dyer household.

The full extent of Michael’s discomfort reared its head on a blustery afternoon, a few days before the New Year. Eleanor, Elijah, James and Cassie were engaged in a spirited game of hallway jousting in the library, presided over by the sphinx, while Evan (who had just defeated James in the breadstick-to-breadstick combat section of the tourney, twice) wrote out a potion essay, and Fiana (who had gallantly lost to a spirited and highly illegal double attack from Cassie and Eleanor) sat reading one of her fantasy novels, both occasionally looking up to cheer or jeer.

Evan looked over from his essay to see Michael on the other side of the room resolutely ignoring the boisterous activities occurring behind him. Evan narrowed his eyes slightly, taking in the irritated set of his boyfriend’s shoulders. It was quite clear that regardless of the repeated assurances from everyone in the household – including Evan’s parents, the Elves, and the furniture – Michael was not comfortable with the rowdy and energetic jousting tournament going on behind him. Privately, Evan was starting to grow irritated with the fact that Michael couldn’t just relax – particularly in light of the fact that they were having sex with distracting regularity.

Evan got up and wandered over to Michael, sitting on the desk next to him, forcing him to look up. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked bluntly.

Michael bristled slightly and Evan instantly regretted his words. “Do they have to be so… destructive?” Michael asked in a slightly petulant tone.

“Micah, you’re in a library full of Gryffindors…”

“Is that meant to answer my question?” Michael snapped back peevishly.

Evan raised his eyebrows, he was definitely irritated now. “Obviously you’ve never been in the Gryffindor Abode after a Quidditch match or following exams.”

Michael doggedly continued on with his initial line of protestation. “Things are getting broken!” he said, indicating the chair which had been snapped following a particularly acrobatic manoeuvre.

Rolling his eyes, Evan exaggeratedly took out his wand and pointed it at the chair, repairing it neatly. “We’re Wizards, Michael. My parents once literally destroyed their wing of the house in a mock argument that got out of hand.” There was a pause in which Michael very clearly restrained himself from laughing, and Evan pushed his advantage. “You’ve spent the last six years at Hogwarts, how can you be so upset about us using magic?”

“Because it seems so…” Michael seemed to be searching for the right word. “Extravagant, even decadent.”

Evan knew Michael hadn’t meant the words to sting, but they did. “This is how I live Conyngham, it’s what I was born into.”

Michael was visibly stung by the words. “I know, I just think you shouldn’t rub your magic and wealth in other people’s faces!”

“Merlin’s beard, you sound just like Audrey!”

As soon as he’d spoken the words, he knew he’d regret them. Michael glared at him, slamming the book closed and stalking off huffily in the direction of the guest rooms. Evan watched Michael walk off, debating whether or not it was in his best interests to go after him.

“That went well,” Fiana said, sitting down next to him, and ruffling his hair. “At least if your intention was to alienate and annoy him.”

“That was the plan,” Evan replied sarcastically. “Annoy him to make him feel more comfortable.”

“As a plan it sort of has merit… kind of like how Cassie and James attempt to kill each other to show how much they sometimes want to kill each other – oh wait…”

Evan laughed, and shook his head slightly.

Cassie and James, both of whom were flushed and slightly bruised, approached. “He seems a lot less… jovial these days,” James remarked carefully, not looking directly at Evan.

“Yes, why is Monsieur Perfect-Hair so pissy lately?” Cassie asked indelicately, as always getting directly to the bottom of the situation.

“He’s ‘being pissy’,” Evan said, employing sarcastic bunny ears. “Because he’s uncomfortable with the level of magic around the house, and I think also because he doesn’t approve of our behaviour which he appears to find slightly… how do I put this–”

“Wastefully energetic,” Eleanor supplied.

“Yes, our wastefully energetic behaviour. Also, the lavishness of the house has got to him a bit.”

James looked up, his hazel eyes particularly piercing. “But you told him about all this…” he said slowly, “I don’t understand why he’s so bothered.”

Evan looked steadily at James for a moment, attempting to quash the usual ridiculous sense of endearment that he felt for his friend at that particular moment. “I guess he doesn’t quite understand?”

“He shouldn’t have to understand!” James said clearly. “You are who you are, and you shouldn’t have to change that, just to make him feel better about himself.”

Fiana and Cassie exchanged surprised looks; James had made a good point.

“Besides that,” Eleanor added, putting an arm around Evan. “It’s more than just the glamour of ‘the Dyer lifestyle’” she said, employing Evan’s sarcastic bunny-ears. “Eli and I totally caught him having fun with that last night.”

“Plus he seems to be perfectly happy to drag you off for ‘a talk’, every chance he can get,” Elijah added, also employing the bunny fingers. It seemed likely at this point that they were all going to get sore fingers.

“Yes, that’s true!” Fiana added. “I bet he drags you off for a ‘ride on his broomstick’, as soon as we finish dinner.”

James snorted slightly. “Farmboy definitely has a libido if nothing else.”

“Yeah,” Evan said dryly. “He’s partly annoyed with me, and partly filled with a desire to slam me into a wall.”

“Also he wants to shag you,” Eleanor said brightly. 

“And that’s hardly your fault now is it?” Cassie asked, absently pulling a breadstick to pieces.

“No,” Evan said softly, “I guess not.”

*

James was lying by the pool, idly watching the snow fall outside through the windows of the conservatory. Nearby, he could hear Cassie, Fiana, Amy and Lily doing something that involved a lot of laughing. It was comfortingly warm, and James was just considering jumping in the pool, when a shadow fell over him.

“Can we talk?” Evan asked, sitting down next to Evan on grass.

James laughed, silently wondering why Evan would ask such a stupid question – they could talk about anything. “Of course, what’s up kiddo?”

“I hate it when you call me kiddo, Jamie – you know that,” Evan complained.

“Sorry Ev, old habits die hard I suppose,” James laughed, shifting slightly on his towel in order to get a better view of Evan – who was wearing only his trunks. “Where’s Mr. Grouchy-Face anyway?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Michael is sulking in the library.”

“What a surprise,” James said dreamily, stretching. “What did you want to talk about anyway?”

Evan blushed slightly and looked out the window, absently picking a stem of grass and pulling it to pieces. “Do you remember the day in Fifth Year? After we won the Quidditch Cup?”

“I was just thinking about it, actually,” Evan said, slightly amused at how weirdly their brains could synch sometimes.

“Do you remember in the showers after? When Wickham and Rodgers snuck off into one of the private stalls, and totally started going for it–”

“And there was just you, me and Mikanos?” James asked, laughing, and sitting up slightly.

“Well…” Evan said, squirming slightly. “Do you remember how we were laughing about it, and talking about how they must have been really good at hiding the fact that they liked each other?”

“Yes,” James said slowly, wondering where Evan was going with this. Almost despite himself, James could feel his heart begin to beat faster in his chest.

“Well… I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately and…” Evan paused, looking anywhere but James, and there was definitely some squirming going on, as well as a blush. James’ heart was practically pounding against his ribs.

“And what, Evan?”

Evan took a deep, shuddering breath, and moved closer to James. “Well I guess I have to tell you this,” he said, leaning forward and pressing his lips against James’ own.

There was a single shocked moment as every neuron in James’ brain fired at once, attempting to understand just what the hell was happening, and then they worked it out. With a noise that was half a growl and half a moan, James pulled Evan closer to him, knocking their teeth together slightly. Evan’s tongue was shyly entering James’s mouth, running along his teeth, in a way that made James’ spine tingle. After what seemed like an eternity, Evan pulled back, his irises huge, and a massive smile on his lips.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” Evan said in a husky voice.

James was about to reply, when he heard footsteps, followed almost instantly by the highly reproachful voice of Michael Conyngham.

“What the hell is going on here?”

Evan sat up quickly to explain, before everything suddenly dimmed…

*

… And he awoke with a start, looking directly up at the ceiling in his guest room.

“I am fucked,” he breathed. “Oh so very, fucked.”   

There was a knock on the door, and James scrambled to cover himself properly, as the door opened to reveal Evan, Amelie and Lily.

James’ nerves were not completely back to normal, and the sigh of Evan sent a thrill of lust through his body. “You!” he said unthinkingly, staring at Evan.

“Me?” Evan asked, slightly confused.

“You did–” James stopped himself, registering the fact that the girls were staring at him and each other with a mixture of amusement and concern.

“What?” Evan asked, clearly confused.

“Well that’s the question isn’t it!” James cried in consternation. “Or is it?”

“I’m utterly confused James.”

James lay back on his bed and began to giggle. “I’m not anymore, well, I think I’m not.”

“I think he’s actually broken,” Amelie said uncertainly. For some reason, this only seemed to make James laugh harder.

“Very broken,” Evan agreed, looking at James with concern.

“Leave him with me,” Lily said, eyeing James beadily. “I can always fix him.”

Evan tilted his head and looked at her meaningfully. “Remember Lils, you break it, you buy it,” he said with a completely straight face.

Lily rolled her eyes and gave Evan and Amy her very best ‘Go Forth And Leave This Place Now’ look, tapping her toes slightly.

Once they had left, she turned to James, pinning him to the bed with her gaze. “What exactly is going on brother dearest?”

James shifted uncomfortably on the bed, trying his hardest to avoid her gaze. “I had a dream, that’s all.”

“Oh yes, and what was this dream about?”

“Evan,” James replied in a barely audible whisper.

Lily quirked an eyebrow at his direction and sat down on the duvet next to him. “What did you say?”

“Evan,” James said in a louder voice. “The dream was about Evan.”

Lily looked at him steadily for a moment. There were times when James really despised the fact that his sister seemed to possess the unearthly ability to look directly into him, stripping away all but the truth. It was annoying. “And what happened in this dream?” she asked.

He sat up, looking directly at her. For more than a minute they had a silent but deadly Potter Death Stare contest. Unfortunately, James sneezed, and thus allowed Lily to press her advantage.

Sighing, James got out of the bed and walked over to the window. “We snogged, for like a ridiculous amount of time, and it was amazing.”

James gazed disconsolately through his window and out over the grounds, noting almost absently Mrs Dyer shooing off the American wizarding couple who periodically attempted to purchase the property from the Dyers. James sighed, turning as he felt Lily come forward for an uncharacteristically sober hug.

“And?” she asked simply.

“I’m in love with him,” James replied. The immensity of the words quite nearly knocked the breath from his lungs, and had his sister not been hugging him, he was rather certain he would have slid to the ground.

“Finally,” Lily said frankly.

James looked down at her, puzzled. “What do you mean ‘finally’?”

Lily, looked up at him, and rolled her eyes. “Oh Jamie, I don’t know if you’re in love with him, but you’ve certainly been hot for Evan for ages.”

James spluttered slightly. “I HAVE NOT!”

“Shall I make you a list?” Lily smiled serenely, ignoring James’ outburst. “You constantly whine and complain and pick fights when he’s not around, you jump on him and all but hump his leg when you do see him after an extended period of time, you hate anyone who’s interested in him, you enjoy lying on top of him when you’re drunk–”

“Okay!” James conceded in a slightly panicky voice. “I guess I have… loved James for ages.”

“Oh brother, please don’t use the word love so cavalierly.”

“I don’t know that ‘cavalierly’ is actually a word, sister dearest.”

“Hush, you’re changing the point.”

There was a long pause, as James allowed his brain to adjust to the enormity of his situation. “What should I do?” he asked his sister plaintively. “I mean I know I can’t tell him, because he has Michael, and I will not be the arse who breaks up a–”

James was interrupted by the rib crushing hug that his sister suddenly delivered. “Lily,” he gasped. “My ribs, please.”

She let go of him, stepping back to survey him, with a tear in her eye. More than anything else, the tear in Lily’s eye was the most unnerving sight he’d seen all summer – including the sight of Evan’s grandmother in a bikini. “Why are you crying?” he asked her, reaching forward to wipe the tear away.

“There’s hope for you yet,” she replied. “Come on, let’s go see the others.”

*

Evan was still in the process of filling the others in on James’ strange behaviour, when James and Lily entered the dining room.

“Feeling a bit better?” Evan asked James archly, still very much amused.

“Yeah,” James affirmed. “Just freaked out by a dream is all.”

He and Lily both laughed airily, but there was an almost imperceptible strained quality to James’ laughter, and a slightly abstracted look in his hazel eyes that plainly told Evan that not everything was as fine as it seemed. Evan was about to question James further, when Michael stomped into the room, sitting down opposite Evan, next to Amy.

“Morning, sweetie,” Evan said neutrally, eliciting nothing but a sour grunt. Amelie shot Evan a perturbed look and then turned and looked at Michael quizzically. “Good morning, Michael,” she said.

“Morning,” he replied in a bored, yet polite tone.

Evan, already stung by the lack of reply to his own greeting, felt his gaze growing harder. Cassie and Fiana noted his darkening expression, and shared a moment of heavily-laden eye contact – small on the outside and huge on the inside. Evan quirked an eyebrow, and Cassie conveyed the same message to him: ‘Your boyfriend is being a dick again’.

Lily weighed into the silent debate being waged at the breakfast table. ‘Woah guys, he’s just a bit overwhelmed!’

Cassie, Fiana and Amy didn’t concede any ground. ‘An overwhelmed dick is still a dick.’

For a moment it seemed that James was going to wade in, but his expression turned out to be nothing more than ‘Mmm, I love coco pops.’

Evan was getting a headache from all the brainwaves being bounced around, and was about to say something conciliatory, when Michael spoke first. “Why are you all looking at each other?” he asked. “It’s kind of creepy.”

“Oh nothing my dear,” Cassie said in deceptively sweet tones, as Evan, Amelie and Lily sent her cease and desist expressions. “Just wondering what you and Evan are going to fight over today.”

Michael’s expression grew stormy almost instantly. “What’s that meant to mean?” he nearly yelled, before quailing slightly under the combined gaze of the seven other people at the table.

“It means,” Elijah drawled. “That you and Evan have had on average two fights every day since you’ve been here.”

Evan had to try very hard not to grin – trust it to Elijah to actively keep tally of the fights that Michael and Evan had been having over the last few days.

Controlling himself, he turned to Michael. “He’s right you know, we fight all the time.”

“No we don’t!” Michael snapped.

“Yes, we do,” Evan replied calmly.

“We don’t!”

“We’re fighting now,” Evan snapped, finally allowing his irritation to take over, irritation that was only fuelled as the rest hastily left the dining room to go eat in the kitchen.

“This doesn’t count,” Michael said, waving around a piece of liberally buttered toast for emphasis.

“Michael, this is ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous, and that’s a bad thing, because it means I’ll win.”

“Oh, and why is that?”

“Because I am much, much better at being ridiculous than you are,” Evan said, feeling a giggle build in his throat despite himself.

“You do not own the rights to being ridiculous!”

“Actually technically I do, Dad bought them for me for my birthday last year,” Evan said, starting to laugh.

Michael sat there, his face alternating between flushed and pale, before he too, finally began to laugh.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said sincerely. “Look I’ve just… I’ve been out of sorts.”

“Really?” Evan said in mock surprise. “I would never have been able to guess!”

Michael rolled his eyes and poked his tongue out at Evan. “Be nice.”

Evan sighed, and reached across the table to squeeze Michael’s hand. “What’s been bugging you?”

“I don’t know, a lot of things I guess. You guys are just all so…” he groped around for the right words. “Relaxed, and connected, and it makes me feel like this massive outsider. You and James connect so much more than you and I do half the time and–”

“Oh come on!” Evan began heatedly. “Not with James again–”

“And you and Amy, and your siblings, and everyone knows each other really well, and I get put on the back foot, and feel completely overwhelmed, and then I get bad tempered, meaning when someone does try to reach out to me, I blow it,” he finished sadly.

“Micah,” Evan said, feeling stricken.

“It’s not really your fault, it’s just…” Michael said, leaving it hanging.

“What?” Evan asked.

“Would it kill you if I went home?”

Evan paused, considering the possibility. On one side, Michael going home would relieve some of the tension that had built up in the house over the previous few days, and would furthermore give Evan some breathing space to simply enjoy his holidays. On the flip side, Michael leaving would seem almost like a failure on Evan’s part.

“No, I suppose not – if that’s what you want to do,” Evan said finally, feeling incredibly guilty at how relieved he felt.

Michael tilted his head slightly, and smiled. “I guess I’ll go and get my stuff?”

Evan shook his head, pointing at the polite form of Boris standing near the door. “Your stuff will already be in the entrance hall.”

“Oh…” Michael said, standing up. “Will you see me out?”

“Yeah, sure,” Evan said, getting up to walk Michael out.

*

New Year’s Eve that year was a particularly festive event for the Dyer household. For once, Evan was glad to see that there were only a small number of people gathered to celebrate the New Year. Of course ‘small’ to Evan in this instance was along the lines of ‘twenty-three people’, but that hardly mattered. Evan was also glad to see that his friends and family were getting along well, although he repressed the thought that it may not have been so smooth with Michael present with a pang of guilt. They hadn’t really spoken since he’d left, and the longer Evan left it, he knew, the more awkward it would become.

“Still, there were plenty of other pressing concerns,” Evan thought, rousing himself from his reverie. His mother, Aunt Eva and Aunt Erin – who were ensconced in the great hall, had sent him to make sure that his father and uncles weren’t drinking too much, specifically since they had skulked off to the library. Evan entered poked his head into the room – they had enchanted two of the suits of armour to do battle, and were giggling like children, so everything was on schedule.

Absently, Evan walked back towards to conservatory where (as usual) the younger demographic had gathered to utilise the swimming pool, when he almost literally bumped into Eugene’s fiancée Sarah.

“Woah!” he said, grabbing her elbow and startling her slightly.

“Oh Nico,” she said “I’m really worried that Eugene will wake up one day and suddenly realise he could do so much better than me!” her eyes went very wide as she finished.

“I really, really want to go and snog James,” Evan replied, before pausing – that definitely wasn’t what he’d intended to say.

Evan took a deep breath; there was no doubt a perfectly logical explanation – like aliens, or some sort of moon cult. He looked at Sarah and carefully phrased what he wanted to say in his head – We’ll work out what’s wrong okay? – however once again this did not work as his mouth instead said “Eugene spent years wanking over the thought of you, you are the epitome of womanhood to him.”

Sarah giggled at Evan’s appalled expression, before suddenly straightening up. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her wand. She twirled it slightly and a golden streamer of words came out of the tip. “Someone has obviously cast the Solutus charm on us,” it spelled neatly.

Evan nodded, just in time to see Amy run out of the conservatory. “I am so, so sorry! Jacob fired my wand off, and I have no idea what it did but–”

“I genuinely want to hex your face off right now,” Evan said, indicating the words still emanating from Sarah’s wand.

“Oh crap,” Amy said, her eyes going wide.

“Yes, crap about sums it up,” Evan thought. “I secretly appreciate Cassie’s wit way more than I pretend.”

Sarah nodded, “I am occasionally intimidated by the women in your family.”

Evan blinked slightly, and turned to look at her, shaking his head slightly. This definitely needed to stop. Frustrated he turned back to Amy, and got her attention with a violent gesture, snapping her out of her reverie.

“Sorry!” she cried, blushing a deep scarlet, before performing the counter-charm with an elaborate flick of her wand.

“Is it gone?” Evan asked experimentally, feeling pleased when he was able to say what he intended, “Why did you let Jacob touch your wand?”

Amy shrugged her arms helplessly. “I wasn’t watching him for a sec, and come on; the Solutus Charm is OWL level! How was I to know the kid would perform a spell like that unintentionally!”

Evan sighed and nodded, she was right in that regard. Besides, a rather alarming piece of information had just wormed its way to the forefront of Evan’s mind, and was requiring all of his attention. “The Solutus charm…” he began slowly, “even when the verbal part is reversed, still lowers your inhibitions doesn’t it?”

Sarah sighed heavily, looking like she’d quite like to die. “For about twelve hours, yes.”

“Oh goody,” Evan said dejectedly.

*

James was content. As New Year Eve’s went, this one was pretty relaxed. There was no Granny Molly arguing loudly with Aunty Fleur about Uncle Bill’s tattoos, no Granddad Arthur getting excited about the new toaster and then inevitably enchanting it to do something unexpected, and most of all, there was no Uncle Percy getting drunk and dancing in nothing but a kerchief on the kitchen table. Indeed, as he floated on his back, languidly propelling himself through the water, James idily decided that this was possibly one of the most relaxing New Years Eve’s he’d ever experienced. That is until Evan dived neatly into the water and surfaced beside him.

“Hi,” James said lazily, resolutely not staring at Evan’s bear chest, nor thinking about the way the water pooled invitingly around his collarbone.

“Hi yourself,” Evan almost purred, his eyes bright with… something. James decided to strategically submerge his legs so as to minimise any possible embarrassment while he continued to not think about how much he’d like to snog his friend.

“How do you like the night?” Evan asked, his hand innocently brushed James’ hip.

James very nearly drowned as he skittered backwards with enough force to crash into the edge of the pool.

Amy, Lily, Eugene and Fiana who had just entered the pool shared a startled look as James began to cackle in a slightly deranged manner. James took no heed of the queer looks he was receiving, mostly due to the fact that his entire mind was consumed with the single Evan-ward thought of “OH GOD HE JUST TOUCHED ME WHAT DO I DO?” which would have been fine if certain extremities such as his feet hadn’t decided to go limp, while others decidedly did not.

Evan, looking slightly concerned, swam forward to where James was – effectively cornering him – and placed one hand on his shoulder, and the other around James’ waist. “Are you alright mate?”

James took a shuddering breath and was almost in control, when Evan’s hand – pushed by the current of Eleanor and Cassie’s watery sword fight no doubt – brushed across the front of James’ trunks.

“By Merlin’s most illustrious and well stroked man-beard Evan just touched my balls ohhhhh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!” James thought wildly, although his verbalised reaction was more along the lines of “Flipperdymeep.”

Quickly, James dived under Evan and swum like a madman to the other side of the pool. “OH HA HA HA, YES THE NIGHT IS MOST EXCELLENT!” He bellowed, giggling nervously. “I LIKE THE ROCKS, THE ROCKS ARE FANTASTIC, WILL YOU ROCK ME THE SHOW- I MEAN SHOW ME THE ROCKS?”

There was a deafening silence in the conservatory as everyone looked at him appraisingly, a fact that only seemed to make James laugh harder.

“You know,” Lily said to herself. “I always knew this day would come.”

“James,” Cassie asked hesitantly. “Have you been smoking gillyweed again?”

“Oh Godric they all know I want to fuck Evan, I am going to be strung up for violating a Dyer with my thoughts. Oh Merlin,” James thought wildly.

“NO I DON’T THINK I HAVE, BUT I THINK I MIGHT GO SEE IF THERE’S SOME IN THE SNOW SHALL I?” James yelled, scrambling out of the water, grabbing his wand, his towel and running through the open doors, along the path and into the gazebo.

James had just lit one of the suspiciously handy coal braziers to warm himself, when Amy appeared.

“James what are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“It’s okay, I have my towel,” James said, staring dejectedly at his feet.

“What, do you think you’re Arthur Dent or something?” she asked quirking an eyebrow at him.

“What?” he asked confusedly.

“Muggle reference; never mind. The point is what the hell got into you back there?”

James continued to stare at his toes; he didn’t want her to know his Big Dark Secret of Shameful Shame.

She sat down opposite him, absently lighting the other braziers and summoning a thick woollen blanket out of one of the upper windows to wrap James in.

“Let me guess,” she said. “You have a massive crush on Evan, and you freaked out when he came close to you just now?” James looked up with consternation, opening his mouth to ask how she knew, however she cut him off. “Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking I’m stupid sweetie.”

James flushed slightly, and then gave in. “I think… I think I like him? In a wanting-to-hold-him-down-and-snog-him sort of way,” he said, flushing slightly as her eyebrows shot up.

“Okay,” she said carefully. “Is that what brought on the spectacular display of insanity or…?” she asked, leaving the question open.

“He kind of… groped me,” James said quietly.

“What?”

“He touched me, not anywhere you know, but then I, and he was,” James rambled.

“Oh that’s because of the Solutus Charm that Jacob somehow managed to fire off,” Amy said dryly, cutting through James’ babble.

“Brilliant,” James muttered sarcastically, “Handsy Evan is just what I need. I really like him, and I have no idea where that came from.”

“Well you should, he liked you for long enough.”

James started at her, completely dumbfounded. The possibility of Evan liking him had never even crossed James’ mind, particularly when Evan had been so clear about the fact that he saw James as nothing more than his best friend. “What? He told me he didn’t,” James said in outrage.

Amy smiled and chuckled at him in an infuriatingly knowing and amused manner. “He lied; we’re all very good at that dear.”

“But that means–”

“He likes you,” she agreed calmly.

“But Michael–”

“Was a way of trying to get over you.”

James felt his breath coming very fast, as he furiously searched through his memories to try and discern any incidents were Evan had indicated his feelings to James. Either Evan had been very subtle, or worse, James had been too thick-headed and short-sighted to notice that his best friend wanted to be more than friends. “How long?” he asked Amelie in a would-be calm voice.

“How long what?”

“How long has he liked me?”

She gave him one of those ridiculously kind looks that always preceded something painful or uncomfortable revelations. “Since you were both around thirteen I think, maybe before,” she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t notice it until then anyway.”

“Merlins balls!” James swore in anguish. “How did I not notice?”

“Because it’s Evan, sweetie, if he doesn’t want someone to know something, they won’t find out. I only noticed because he wasn’t actively focused on me not knowing.”

“What are you going to do,” she asked finally, after several moments had gone past.

“Nothing,” James said, standing up.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean ‘nothing’?” she asked.

“He has a boyfriend; I don’t want to be responsible for pulling them apart.” 

She looked genuinely taken aback. “You at least need to tell him how you feel!”

“I won’t be a home wrecker,” James said, setting his jaw with determination.

“Oh sweetheart, that’s very… noble, but also very misguided. This isn’t some historical epic where you nobly suffer in silence, you’re not a seventeen year old girl in fifteenth century France.”

James tilted his head and looked at her. “How the hell do you store all the necessary information to make so many obscure references?”

“It’s a family trait, now stop changing the–”

James shook his head resolutely. “No. I’ve made up my mind,” he said, before turning and walking quickly back towards the mansion, choosing to ignore Amy’s sigh and exasperated statement of “Gryffindor Men!”

Chapter 12: Familiar in his mouth as household words

Summary:

In which there is a reconciliation, a helping hand from some characters long since past, and some particularly involved transfiguration.

It was raining. Rain coupled with Monday mornings were never good, particularly when that Monday morning also happened to include a devilishly difficult Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. That particular morning, Professor Creevey had seen fit to introduce them to a new batch of advanced defensive spells, spells that Evan had only been prepared for because of the encyclopaedia he received for Christmas.

As such, Cassie and Fiana were deeply absorbed in note-taking, to the point that they hadn’t even been bothered to initiate the chatter parchment. Evan was also focused, although not entirely on his notes on the Dispellimus charm.  As he glanced beside him to where Michael and James had their heads together, ignoring the board, he was forced to admit to himself that it wasn’t so much the lesson that was getting to him, but rather the fact that his boyfriend and best friend had apparently decided to set aside their differences, and were well on the way to becoming firm friends.

Logically, Evan knew he should be happy about the fact that Michael and James were getting to like one another, and in all honesty probably would have – if it weren’t for the fact that the two spent more time together than either of them did with him. Evan knew himself well enough to understand that he was jealous of the fact that they seemed more interested in each other than in him, and the fact bothered him. He also knew that his silent fuming about the situation was causing him to push them away when either of them did in fact want to spend time with him – he’d taken to spending the nights in library, where Amy was helping Fiana and he prepare for NEWTs and all three of them were helping Cassandra improve her magical confidence. What little time he had left was swallowed up by Quidditch practice, homework, Prefectural duties, and extra lessons in Transfiguration and Charms on top of the one he was already taking for Enchantment

Evan turned his attention back to the board, although he continued to allow his thoughts ramble aimlessly. He was vaguely aware of the fact that his friends were beginning to worry about him, mainly because that morning, Fiana had cornered him and told him that they were worried about him, but he’d brushed her off, reminding her that she was doing nearly as much work as he was because she wanted to be a Researcher, and needed top marks.

After several moments, he felt his neck prickle, and looked over to see James looking at him speculatively. Evan raised an eyebrow questioningly, but James smirked and tilted his head mockingly. Rolling his eyes slightly, Evan turned his attention back to Professor Creevey, who’d just begun speaking again.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. After Dark Arts they all rushed off to the Great Hall, before heading up to the seventh floor for Ancient Runes, which predictably was another mentally exhausting lesson. Finally, Evan, James and Fiana trooped back to their Enchantment extension lesson, where Professor White took them through the initial details in summoning spirit sendings to operate magical equipment.

Following the lesson, Professor White asked him to stay back so she could talk to him. Obediently, Evan walked to the front of the room, while Fiana promised to wait outside for him.

Once the last of his classmates had left the room, Professor White leaned back in her seat and looked at him over the top of her strangely fashionable glasses. “Did you enjoy your break Dyer?”

Evan took a second to smile inwardly, White was a wildcard, and you never quite knew where a line of inquiry was going to end up – sometimes she just genuinely wanted to know about the lives of those in her House. However, this time Evan was fairly sure he knew where this particular talk was going. “Yes, Professor – a few dramas, but nothing major.”

 “I’m glad to hear it,” she said, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Now that you’re sufficiently settled back in school, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.”

Evan sat down on a desk, and sighed. “Yes?”

“We’ve come to a dead-end in our investigation regarding the attack that injured Miss Potter and yourself.” Evan shrugged slightly, waiting for her to continue. “We have confirmed reports from a Centaur who was at the edge of the forest the attack came from a ‘woman child’ in a uniform,” she continued, using air-quotes. “And we’re very sure that no-one entered the grounds from outside the school.”

“So not one of the Potter’s political opponents or a traditionalist then?” Evan said shrewdly.

“No,” she conceded blandly. “But possibly a child of one of those, or perhaps even someone completely unrelated.”

Evan nodded. “I suppose so, although I can’t really think of anyone who would actually attack us.”

“Yes,” she said, “That’s what bothers me, although you seem strangely unperturbed?”

Evan smiled slightly, the incident while irritating hadn’t been actually been worrisome, since both he and Lily were fairly sure that they knew who the perpetrator had been. As such he kept his face carefully neutral and nodded. “I guess the idea is a bit unsettling, but I’m sure everything will be resolved.”

She leant back in her chair, and merely looked at him for several moments, and then nodded. “Well if you and Miss Potter think of anything, do be sure to tell me.”

“Of course Professor.”

“Enjoy your evening Dyer.”

Evan smiled and walked out of the class room. It was a twenty to six, and he had some time to kill. He saw Fiana waiting outside for him, and tilted his head at the worried look on her face. “What’s up?” he asked.

Before she could respond however, he felt a hand on his elbow, and turned to see Michael looking at him earnestly. “We need to talk,” he said in a serious voice.

“Uh oh,” Evan thought. “Here it comes.”

Michael took Evan’s hand and led him into a nearby class room, looking grim and stressed. Despite himself, Evan couldn’t help wanting to laugh a little bit, although the fact made him feel quite bad. Evan absently sat on a desk, and looked at Michael impassively as he fidgeted with his tie. Evan looked around the room, absently taking in the sleet falling through the nearby window, and the frog croaking contentedly on the windowsill. 

“You’re about to break up with me,” Evan said calmly, after Michael hadn’t spoken for several minutes.

Michael stared at him, dumbfounded for several seconds. “How did you know?” he asked, askance.

Evan tilted his head, considering the myriad of answers he could give. “Because I am deeply powerful telepathic and precognitive individual who should be in the Z-Men,” he replied finally.

“You mean X-Men?” Michael said, smiling despite himself, he knew Evan liked to purposely misquote muggle pop-culture.

Evan laughed and nodded. “That too. But really Micah, this is the first time I’ve seen you when you haven’t tried to stick something in some part of my body, whether it be your tongue in my mouth or–”

Michael looked down at Evan guiltily. “I had this stupid speech rehearsed like in some god awful Romcom.”

Evan laughed. “It’s not you, it’s me?”

Michael chortled and sat down beside Evan. “I don’t know… Does it sound horrible to say that I think I liked the idea of being with someone more than actually being in a relationship?”

Evan tilted his head. “I don’t think so, no. Besides, when you left…” he left the sentence hanging, and quirked an eyebrow at Michael.

“It was almost a relief?”

“And then I just… didn’t get around to talking to you properly.”

“And I wasn’t really bothered by that,” Michael finished nodding.

There was a pause as Cassie ran past the door, with her ponytail on fire, screaming. A second later Professor White and Fiana also ran past, sending jets of water ahead of them with their wands.

“How does that even happen?” Michael asked in wonder.

“Your guess is as good as mine my friend.” Evan said, shaking his head slightly.

“Are we? Friends, I mean.”

“I think yes?”

“Good,” Michael said, standing up. “Let’s go see how the hell Cassie set her head on fire.”

*

When Evan and Fiana returned to the Gryffindor Abode later that evening, they found James, sitting besides Lily and Amy, hunched over an essay, looking very cross indeed. Fiana, spying James’ demeanour opted to drop their things in the senior tower. Evan however, took the seat opposite James and greeted everyone, Lily included – he’d long since given up on wondering how Lily got into the Gryffindor Commons.

“Where have you been?” James asked gracelessly, without looking up, earning an absent-minded smack from Lily.

Evan didn’t rise to the bait. “Watching the Healers regrow Cassie’s hair,” he said calmly, grinning at the identical looks of surprise on his friends’ faces. “I don’t quite know how she set it alight; Michael and I were breaking up when she ran past.”

There was a pause, punctured by Fiana joining them, in which Amy, Lily and James simply looked at Evan.

“What?” Lily asked.

“I swear you just said you broke up with–” Amy began.

James had gone pale. “You broke up with Micah?”

Evan was slightly taken aback. “Since when have you called him Micah?”

James surged to his feet, looking literally angry. “How could you break up with him?” he shouted.

Evan lent back, giving James one of his best icy stares. “Actually he started the break up.”

“And you just let him break up with you?” James asked incredulously.

Evan tilted his head, trying to work out exactly why James was so angry about the situation. Michael and James were now friends, it was true, but it was not as if Evan had done anything horrible – such as cheating – to elicit the break-up. It had merely occurred naturally, due to a lack of spark between them. For a second he entertained the possibility that James was in fact angry because he had feelings for Michael, but he immediately quashed the thought, finding it strangely unsettling.

“We decided that it wasn’t working out, or going anywhere,” Evan said finally.

James looked genuinely angry now. “Did you even try, or did you just give it a half go and then give up like you usually do?”

Evan surged to his feet, ignoring the gathering crowd. “What’s that supposed to mean James?” he asked in a deadly voice, vaguely he was aware of the fact that Fiana, Lily and Amy had also gotten to their feet and were staring at James with similar expressions.

James was nearly shaking with anger. “You always give up on things; you never wait it out to see what happens–”

Evan closed his eyes for a moment, nettled by the words. If only you knew James, if only you knew. “No James, you give up on things,” Evan said slowly and carefully. “Like duelling, and girlfriends, and exams. I spend way longer on things than I should, stupidly hoping that they will change when they never will.”

James spluttered for a moment, looked around at Fiana, Amy and Lily’s expressions, and retreated from the lower common room.

Evan slumped back into his seat, feeling peevish. James’ words had stung, not because he’d expected some sort of ridiculous declaration of love – he’d long since given up on James in that regard, mostly – but more because he’d very obviously taken Michael’s side. If nothing else, Evan would have liked consolation or a haughty assertion that Evan could do better – not anger.

“So what the hell happened there?” Lily asked tactfully.

 “I have no bloody clue really,” Evan said, laughing in spite of himself.

“Senorita Pottypants seemed a bit… put out by the whole thing.” Fiana said, patting Evan’s arm.

“Ooooh, ‘Senorita Pottypants’ – I must remember to use that one,” Lily crowed, before sobering and looking to Amy. “Well?” she said.

“Men are a mystery,” Amy said cryptically, before grinning at Evan. “But this will definitely sort itself out.”

“Thank you for that Frau Doktor,” Evan said sarcastically. “You’re a goldmine of helpful information, you are.”

Amy merely poked her tongue out at him, causing Fiana and Lily to laugh merrily. “You definitely shouldn’t sleep in the room with him tonight though,” Lily said, sobering. “You know how much of a bitch he can be.”

“Do you want to sleep in Cass’ bed tonight instead?” Fiana asked, perking up.

Evan grimaced; James could be downright iniquitous when in a bad mood, making sleeping in the same room with him nearly as challenging as when he was intoxicated. “Sure kiddo,” Evan said, “but first let’s go bribe the house-elves for some food – I’m starving.”

Amy smiled at him fondly. “Oh Nico, you really are a Dyer aren’t you?”

Fiana nodded in agreement, while Lily jumped to her feet, screaming a battle cry that sounded suspiciously like “FOR SLYTHERIN AND EVAN’S STOMACH!”

*

The Definitely Not A Fight With Evan – or as Cassie, Fiana, Lily, Albus, Fred, and Louis all pointedly called it: ‘The James Is A Tosser Incident’ – lasted eight days.  Despite the fact that he and Evan had every class together, had Quidditch practice, and slept in the same room, they managed to not speak for the entire time. The problem of course, was that James was stubborn; he knew this well enough to admit it. The other problem was that James felt very, very guilty. Having decided that Evan was off limits, James had done the only logical thing – become friends with Michael. He’d figured that beyond both of them having a lot in common, being friends with the young man would doubly ensure that James wouldn’t be able to act his deep and burning desire to kiss the living daylights out of Evan.

Needless to say, the moment Evan had oh-so-calmly mentioned that he and Michael had broken up, this had changed. James had been elated, because he would finally be able to share his feelings with Evan. But then his other brain kicked in, and he realised that he couldn’t tell Evan how he felt, because it would make him a bad friend to both Michael and Evan. The offset of this, of course, had been anger. Anger at Evan for breaking up with Michael in a way that meant James couldn’t woo him, anger at himself for placing himself in this situation, and anger at Michael for being so ridiculously amazing.

The anger had dissipated by the next morning, when Evan came in to grab some clothes, giving James an admittedly well-deserved icy glare. James had nearly worked up the courage to apologise, when Evan had left, and so James had missed his chance to smooth things over. The silence between them grew and grew, until finally James didn’t know how to broach any form of conversation with Evan, and it was the most horrible feeling in the world. Beyond any feelings of lust or longing, the fact that he couldn’t talk to his best friend nearly killed him. So now he watched, and waited, hoping that the correct scenario would present itself in which he could apologise.

The reconciliation, as these things always do, happened suddenly and without warning. One minute James was looking soulfully out the library window, the next thing, Evan nearly decapitated him with a pile of books the size of a small pony.

“GUH!” James said, rubbing the back of his head.

“Oh Merlin I’m sorry, Jamie- Oh wait, we’re not talking.” Evan said, frowning like the saddest puppy James had ever seen.

James picked up one of the books which had nearly killed him, looking at the title. “The Transubstational Properties of the Patronium Corporus?” James asked, looking up at Evan with puzzlement.

“You aren’t talking to me remember?” Evan repeated, looking at James guardedly.

James rolled his eyes, and looked down, blushing slightly. “Look can we both agree that I’m a massive prick and please be friends again? I’m sorry.”

Evan quirked his eyebrows at James, adjusting the stack of books slightly, “you’re sorry?”

“Yes.”

“Am I meant to just take that and forget that you’ve been ignoring me?”

“No,” James said evenly. “I’ve been trying to work up the courage to apologise.”

Evan looked at him with genuine surprise. “Courage? You’re the most Gryffindor-est Gryffindor ever.”

“Ev,” James pleaded, “I’m sorry, seriously. I am a twat. It’s because I–” James started, nearly confessing his feelings, before Evan waved his hands and sat down, looking at James intently.

“I’ll forgive you if you promise to help me with this little side project I’m doing,” Evan said quietly and quickly.

“Evan, you’re being ridiculously jolly, what’s going on?” James asked, concern overshadowing his hesitation. 

“Promise me,” Evan pressed, grinning like a maniac.

“Fine, I promise, now tell me what you’re doing.”

“Researching becoming an Animagus”

“Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“No, my current mood’s from Louis accidentally putting an extra-strength cheering charm on me, I’m still pissed at you a bit, but I’ve also missed you.”

James rolled his eyes and nodded. “Okay, yes I am a giant prat. But you want to be an Animagi?”

“White and Chatterjee said they’d supervise my research.”

James sat there, utterly stunned for a moment, then looked up at Evan. “Are you sure you can forgive me for being a–”

Evan groaned and smacked James over the head with a book. “Yes, although I might change my mind if you don’t drop it.”

James bit his lip. “That resolution had a suspicious lack of conflict and vindictiveness.”

“I’ll put some laxatives in your soup later if that’ll make you feel better.”

James nodded, and then laughed. “I’ve missed you!” he said, pulling Evan in for a carefully non-groping hug.

Evan rolled his eyes and laughed. “Now, are you going to just sit there, or are you going to agree to help me so that you can be an Animagi too?”

James sat back, his mind clouding over with shock. Whether the shock was to do with the fact that he could potentially become an Animagus, or the fact that he had never even considered the possibility before, he didn’t know, and Evan didn’t give him a chance.

“C’mon!” Evan said, smacking James with a book again, let’s go find Fi.

As James got up and followed Evan, he tried not to think about the fact that he’d found Evan hitting him with a book attractive – some thoughts were best untouched.

*

Evan was tired – more than tired, if the truth were told. His mind attempted to come up with a satisfactory superlative to ‘really tired’ and failed, deciding instead to devote itself to most definitely not thinking about the enticing way that James’ t-shirt rode up his stomach as he stretched. An unfortunate offshoot of no longer ‘engaging in the bouncy bouncy’ as Lily so lovingly put it, was that Evan had entered into a sort of haze of horniness, with James the chief subject of his increasingly farfetched and erotic fantasies.

The return of Evan’s lustful feelings about James, combined with the fact that he was spending all his time with James, Fiana and Cassie doing homework and researching Animagi, meant that Evan had to be particularly careful in what he said – and occasionally run to the bathrooms for a cold shower.

“This is ridiculous,” Cassie burst out, “I don’t even want to be an Animagi and I’ve been researching it with you for hours! It’s nine o’clock! I should be in bed!”

Evan and James caught each other’s eyes and snickered. Cassandra was well known amongst the Gryffindors as being almost diurnal in her sleeping habits.

Fiana rolled her eyes at them, and gave Cassandra a friendly pat on the arm. “Go on then love, have a good sleep.”

Evan and James echoed Fiana’s farewell, as a crack of lightning lit the upper common room, followed by a peal of thunder. It was a stormy Friday night in the middle of May, and the quartet had – contrary to Cassandra’s statement – spent much of their evening revising for their upcoming exams.

They were making definite progress on the Animagi front however. Several weeks previously, Evan in a fit of frustration on leaving his copious Animagi notes in his room, had attempted to summon them to the library. The results had been rather different than he expected however, as upon uttering the spell “Accio Animagus Notes” he’d been hit in the face with a rather dusty notebook labelled as such, and containing the mysterious initials ‘JCP, SOB, PP.’

At first Evan had been highly sceptical of the notes. However, after intense scrutiny and cross-referencing, Evan, James, Fiana and White and Chatterjee – who admittedly thought the notes came from them rather than some unknown source – were certain that the transformation theory was sound. Thus the trio had begun the training process – with some trepidation regarding the relative ease of the process in contrast to the commonly quoted ‘hard and arduous’ one magical academics spoke of.

“So,” Evan said, as another peal of thunder sounded. “Have we all worked out from Cassie’s ramblings what our forms are?” Evan asked, referring to the incident the previous Saturday where they had – under Cassandra’s watchful eye – performed the spell that turned them into the wild equivalents of their Animagi forms.

“A stag, same as my patronus,” James said happily.

“A fox, the same as mine, although mine is white.” Fiana said, before turning to Evan. “Which would mean, I’m guessing that you have a jaguar or a leopard?”

“A panther apparently,” Evan agreed. “So yes, a jaguar like my patronus.”

“Ooh,” Fiana crooned, “a panther? That will be so awesome and–”

“Utterly unable to hide in the English countryside,” Evan answered sarcastically.

“You’d be surprised actually,” James disagreed. “You’d be able to climb trees, and look sort of like a big cat–”

“And this is the UK,” Fiana said, quickly cutting James off before he damaged their argument. “If people are no longer surprised by those creepy miniature ponies and giant badgers muggles keep as pets these days, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Fiana finished off decisively.

Evan smiled, and nodded. A panther while slightly more pretentious than a fox or a stag, would be able to hide quite well at night. In any case, they’d come too far for Evan to give up now. Besides, Evan had privately wondered if there was a link between a person’s Patronus and their Animagus form ever since he’d been taught the patronus charm along with the rest of the Potter and Weasley children by Harry, following a spate of Dementor attacks in Fourth Year.

Smiling at the other two, Evan retrieved the list of requirements before the final transformational spell could be performed. They were at the last and most crucial stage – the melding of their human minds with their Animagi forms. Having already experienced the mental state and physical states of their animal forms, the final stage required them to once again take on the minds and instincts of their animal forms, however this time was different, as they would be required to regain control of these instincts and thus permanently meld their psyches with their Animagus forms – allowing them to remain in control whilst in their forms, and also permanently altering certain senses and abilities. After regaining control, they would then proceed to the casting of the final spell, allowing them to transform into their animal forms.

“Are we ready?” Evan asked, noting the looks of equal parts excitement and trepidation on the faces of the other two.

“I am if you two are,” James said firmly.

“Same here,” Fiana agreed.

“Let’s do this then,” Evan said. Quickly and quietly they gathered their things and headed for Professor White’s office, where she and Professor Chatterjee would supervise the final stage, and co-sign their Ministry approved registration forms.

When they arrived at White’s office, they found both women deeply involved in a discussion about the extension of White’s teaching duties to include all Year Groups the following academic year.

Looking up from their conversation, both women smiled. “Ready are you?” Chatterjee asked kindly.

“I think so,” Fiana said, smiling back at them.

“Well come in then,” White said, indicating the other side of her office, which was fenced off.

Evan grinned with exhilaration as they trooped over to the penned off area, a fact noted by White.

“Excited are you?” she asked, grinning at him with amusement.

“Very, actually,” Evan said genially, taking out his wand to begin drawing the necessary diagrams on the ground.

“I like the diagrams,” James said inconsequentially – a clear sign that he was nervous.

Chatterjee smiled indulgently at him. “Yes, certain ancient forms of transfiguration did require ritualistic diagrams, as I’m sure you know from your notes Mister Potter,”

“Ah, yes…” James said, ducking his head in mock shame before joining in with the general laughter.

Evan finished the final diagram and stood, “It’s time,” he said.

“Enough with the drawn out theatrics,” Fiana sighed, moving into the circles.

“On the count of three,” White said. “One, two, three.”

Evan cast the spell, and almost instantly felt his mind being dominated by that of the panther.

Panther Evan growled, slinking backwards – there were people nearby. The one closest smelt like a deer, but it was also James, and for a moment Panther Evan battled with conflicting instincts – flight, fight, and lust. In confusion he slunk to the corner, attempting to climb up the wall and onto the windowsill.

“Evan?” the human female called, causing Panther Evan to hiss and jump for the window more violently.

The male deer-scented one, approached Panther Evan, who retreated until his back against the wall. Seeing no option, Panther Evan lunged at the male, attempting to bight at its neck. Predictably, Evan ended up on his back on the floor. Thankfully, the shock had also stunned him for a second, allowing his human mind to regain control.

He sat up, blinking confusedly. “Well that was interesting.”

“You tried to jump out the bloody window!” James said, smacking him across the head. “For like, five minutes, you were yowling and trying to jump out the window, and then you tried to bite me.”

“Sorry about that old chap,” Evan said, attempting to stop himself from giggling.

White and Chatterjee were laughing, and Fiana was rolling her eyes impatiently. “Are we ready yet?”

Getting back into his assigned circle, Evan nodded, taking out his wand. “I am,” he said.

“Me too,” James agreed.

Together they raised their wands, and spoke the magic words.

Chapter 13: The Road to Hell

Summary:

In which there is hysteria, banter, improperly applied memory charms, and a massive cliff-hanger.

Cassandra was dying – or at least, that was what she appeared to be doing. It was six p.m., and the sixth year Gryffindors had just returned from their Charms exams, and while everyone else groaned at the exam’s difficulty, Cassandra had thrown herself to the floor and begun wailing. The sight of Cassandra throwing a tantrum following examinations weren’t particularly uncommon, so the common room continued on around her in peace, leaving James, Evan and Fiana to deal with her.

James was tired, and not at all inclined to aid in the calming process; however, following an acidic glare from Fiana, he picked up one of Cassandra’s arms and helped drag her to a seat near the fire. As he sat down, James noticed the way the firelight played on Evan’s olive skin – as always, the mere mention of sunny weather seemed to brown Evan’s skin and place a band of freckles across his nose. It was almost unfair how attractive Evan looked, particularly since he wasn’t even actively trying to catch James attention. Feeling James’ eyes on him, Evan shot James a questioning look, and pointed with his head at Cassandra.

Sighing, James turned to Cassandra. “What’s wrong?” he asked in a neutral tone.

“EVERYTHING!” Cassandra bellowed dramatically, causing a nearby third-year to lose at gobstones.

James took a deep breath, wondering how on earth they’d manage to get her out of her hysterics this time.

“What in particular about ‘everything’ is upsetting you Cass?” Evan asked evenly.

“Yes, was the Charms exam harder than you thought it’d be?” Fiana suggested in a similarly even voice.

“No,” Cassie said flinging herself backwards dramatically. “The exam was fine, I got a text while we were in the exam!”

“Oh,” Fiana said blankly. “Who was it from?”

Cassandra didn’t reply immediately, opting instead to burst into tears again. After several minutes of sobbing and ministrations from Fiana, Cassandra regained enough control to tell them her woes.

“C-Celeste t-t-texted me, and told me th-that she w-wouldn’t be able to see me m-m-much this summer,” she bawled. “Sh-she’s being sent to Australia! What is th-there in Australia? D-do people even l-l-live there?” she finished with a fresh wave of tears.

“Well,” Evan said reasonably. “I have quite a few cousins out there, plus my grandfather lives there most of the year, they say it’s quite nice–”

“SO?” Cassandra interrupted with a shriek. “THEY’RE NOBODY, THEY SHOULD BE DEAD! KNOWING THAT IT’S NICE THERE WON’T BRING MY CELESTE BACK!”

Evan exchanged a glance with James. “She’s going insane!” his gaze seemed to say, a sentiment that James could definitely share.

“Okay Cass, how about we don’t alienate Evan by wishing his extended family were dead and look at this rationally,” James said in a quiet voice, cutting through Cassie’s hysteria.

Cassandra looked at him with shock, unused to him interrupting her mid-tirade, while Fiana sat back and gave him a thumbs up from out of Cassie’s line of vision. “It’s going to suck that Celeste is in Australia, but you know, the reverse is that she’s doing well at her job, which means you two will be better off later on.”

“But I don’t care about later on,” Cassie said petulantly, “I want to see her now!”

“Well, you can’t.” Fiana said shortly. “You’re at school.”

Cassandra looked at them as if they were stupid.

“Well,” Evan said, “you are.”

Cassandra burst into tears, this time running to the seclusion of her bedroom in the senior tower. James had barely a moment to process his vast amusement, when Amelie sat in the seat Cassandra had just vacated.

“What was that about?” she asked primly, flicking her black hair in a mysteriously elegant fashion.

“Oh, you know – the usual,” Evan said dryly. “Cassandra is freaking out because her girlfriend will be in Australia this summer.”

“Also she’s regretting her decision to not become an Animagus with us,” Fiana said quietly. “Particularly since these two,” she pointed at James and Evan, “keep changing forms for the amusement of our Housemates.”

James and Evan laughed, while Amelie shot them an amused look. Ever since they’d successfully completed the process, James and Evan had been transforming into their forms quite often. Evan, for his part had been exploring the more inaccessible parts of the grounds and castle in his panther form, while James had created something of an amused stir by carrying his friends’ increasingly heavy bags between classes. Fiana had been more restrained, but still managed to cause a stir when she transformed into her handsome white fox form.

“Ah yes,” Amelie said, quirking an eyebrow. “I did see you wandering down the Charms corridor last week, James. Still, why didn’t she just do it with you?”

“She chose her marks,” Fiana said simply.

“Which was a good thing,” James piped in. “Considering that she’s been struggling a bit this year.”

Amelie rolled her eyes pitilessly. She was sitting her NEWT exams, and was so thoroughly prepared that she made everyone else nervous. “Point in fact,” James thought drily, “she has her last exams tomorrow and she’s not even cramming.”

“How are your exams going anyway,” Evan asked, seemingly thinking along the same lines as James.

“Not bad actually,” Amelie replied with a strange smile. “You know how I get.”

Evan nodded sympathetically and patted her on the arm, while James shared a confused glance with Fiana.

“You don’t look stressed at all,” Fiana ventured.

Evan and Amy laughed. “I don’t necessary explode with Cassandra’s colourful pyrotechnics, but I am stressed, believe me,” Amy said, adjusting her hair again. “What are your last exams anyway?”

“Ummm… Defence and Transfiguration tomorrow, back to back,” James said breezily. “We’ll be able to watch the epic bromance between Professor Creevey and Professor Nathair tested.”

“Why, because Gryffindor beat Slytherin to the Quidditch Cup this year?” Evan asked, laughing easily.

James nodded with mock-sobriety, causing the rest to erupt into gales of laughter. “At least the House Cup’s likely to go to Ravenclaw this year,” Fiana said.

“You don’t know that!” James argued.

“Potter, they’re more than one-hundred points ahead of us, and we’re in second place,” Amy said, grinning easily at him.

“Yes- but- we… yeah they’ve won,” James pouted.

Evan slapped him on the arm. “Come on Jamie, we can’t win every year – that would be ridiculous.”

James sighed heavily. “I’m going to go steal some food from the kitchens.”

*

Evan awoke on the day of his last exams feeling suspiciously refreshed. Sitting up, he grabbed his watch, it was four-thirty a.m. – he’d had about four hours sleep. Narrowing his eyes in confusion, Evan rose quietly so as not to disturb James, who was sleeping peacefully in the other bed. Grumbling, Evan padded across to the bathroom, ignoring the shrill enquiry of the Watch-Statue that had been placed on the floor to ensure ‘nothing untoward’ happened between the boys and girls on the level. Sighing, he stood in front of the mirror and began to shave.

By the time he’d showered, dressed, and gone down to the main common room, the first of the early risers were getting up. Sighing to himself, Evan grabbed his rucksack and began studying. The common room filled slowly over the next hour and half as various OWL and NEWT students rose for a bit of last minute cramming for their exams.

Finally, at about six o’clock, James made his way blearily into the common room, and spotting Evan, sat down heavily in the chair opposite him. “What are you doing up so early?” James asked, stifling a yawn.

“I couldn’t sleep for some reason,” Evan replied, looking up to shoot James a quick grin. James as always, managed to look both well rested, and neatly dishevelled in an alarmingly distracting way.

James tilted his head slightly and leaned back into his chair. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

Evan tilted an eyebrow and looked back up at James, noting his slightly hurt expression. “What?”

“You totally could have woken me!” James replied huffily.

Evan narrowed his eyes and looked at James with consternation. Sometimes, he was just ridiculously difficult. “I didn’t want to wake you, since you know, you were sleeping,” Evan observed sarcastically.

James rolled his eyes. “I would have been fine!”

“Really?” Evan asked sceptically. “You would have been completely fine with me waking you up at four thirty in the morning?”

There was a pause in which James had the grace to look sheepish. “Okay fine, maybe not.”

Evan shook his head, chuckling quietly. “You ready for Defence this morning?”

James let out a derisive ‘ha’ and leant forward. “I’m always ready, I have to be. Can you imagine the famous Harry Potter’s face if one of his children didn’t get a perfect O in Defence Against the Dark Arts?” James inquired with a rueful twist to his mouth. “It’d be like you getting a bad Transfiguration or Charms mark.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “You ask a simple question…” he said, leaving the rest hanging.

“Yeah, yeah,” James said laconically. “Still, do you want to go get some breakfast, they should be serving it soon.”

“Sure,” Evan said, unsure of James’ shifting moods today.

Evan packed his bag quickly, noting James’ impatience as a sign of his nerves. On seeing that Evan had finally crammed the last spellbook in his bag, James was off, taking the stairs to the Gryffindor entrance foyer two at a time. Evan followed more sedately, wondering what sort of erratic behaviour James would display today.

They moved quickly down to the first floor, stopping only to make a detour on the third floor where Peeves had set up a barricade of lances and maces from nearby suits of armour. As they walked they chatted amiably about Quidditch and their plans for the holidays. Evan was feeling relaxed again, until they reached the Great Hall, where the scene before them once again ignited his anxieties.

Arrayed around the room where a number of banners, obviously erected during the night, bearing slogans as “We’re Wizards, not Muggles, and we should start acting like it!” and “Stem the tide! Keep Muggletech out of our schools!”

Spotting Lily, they made their way to the Slytherin table. “What the hell happened?” James asked.

“Oh, you know a couple of the Traditionalist families are obviously trying to get their voice heard,” she said, looking up from her copy of the Daily Oracle. “As you can imagine, going back to the old days of no modern technology went down very well in the Slytherin common room.”

“Well sure,” Evan said, rolling his eyes and nodding.

“Why?” James asked with an adorably confused expression on his face.

“Because lots of prominent Slytherin families – like the Flints and the Burkes and the Greengrass’ invested in MantiCore and other companies like it,” Evan said. “So a lot of Slytherin families owe big chunks of their fortune to that fact.”

“I thought it was mainly Gryffindors that invested in your dads company!” James said, sounding slightly outraged.

“Nope, families from all four of the Houses invested.”

“Which means,” Lily added, “opposition comes from all the houses as well.”

“Then why don’t we hear it so often in our common room then?” James asked, still seemingly nettled.

Evan glanced at him with immense amusement. “Because the Gryffindor common room has, oh let’s see, three Dyers, one Chant, one Potter and five Weasleys – all modernist families. So any traditionalist talk is kept quiet while we’re around. It is there though.”

Any further discussion was cut off by the arrival of O’Neid and his gang.

“What the hell are you doing here, Dyer?” O’Neid asked with a sneer.

“Oh shut the hell up you dim-witted whore,” Gloria Ethlen – one of Evan’s fellow prefects said tiredly, before smiling at Evan. “He’s talking to Potter, can’t you see?”

“Why is he talking to Potter, she’s one of us,” Gilderoy Fauntleroy snapped, glaring at Evan and James, Lily to flip him off.

In the commotion, Matthew Lynch, another of Evan’s fellow Prefects sat down heavily next to Lily. “You two ready for the exams today?” he asked, smiling weakly at them – dark circles under his eyes testament to the fact that fervent studying hadn’t been exclusive to the Gryffindor common rooms the previous night.

“Should be,” James said, smiling back, and stealing a piece of toast.

Sighing, Evan grabbed James and dragged him over to the Gryffindor table for breakfast; the day was going to be very long.

*

The most difficult thing about the last day of school, at least in Evan’s opinion, was making doubly sure everything was packed. No matter how thorough he was in his packing the night before, Evan always found an article of clothing that he’d somehow overlooked, that is, until this year.

“Where the hell is it?” Evan asked irritably, brushing his hand savagely through his hair.

“Your hair looks good when you let it grow longer,” James said, looking Evan up and down. “I the curls are very s- what?” he finished, spying Evan’s utterly perplexed look.

“What, what?” Evan countered.

“Huh?”

“Say ‘eh’ it sounds more ignorant.”

“Eh?” James responded, totally confused.

“Yes James, much better. Now, as I was asking before – do you know what I’ve forgotten to pack?”

“Oh yeah,” James said breezily, turning back to his own packing. “You forgot a pair of shoes and a jumper. I put them in your trunk.”

“You- what?”

“Say ‘eh’ it makes you sound more ignorant,” James mocked.

“James–”

“Chill out Dyer, I saw the jumper and shoes under my bed this morning, and I put them in your trunk.”

“My trunk was locked with the strongest enchantment I could think off,” Evan said, still looking suspiciously at his friend.

James rolled his eyes. “I picked it with the kit Uncle George gave me didn’t I.”

Evan paused for a second, looking down at James in a slightly unnerved fashion. “So I haven’t forgotten anything?”

“Nope”

“The world is going to end,” Evan said, sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

James had just finished packing his trunk when Fiana banged into the room almost glowing with shock and annoyance.

“Okay, hit us with it,” Evan sighed resignedly.

“I turned Cassie into an accordion,” she said, flinging herself onto Evan’s bed.

“Why is that so weird?” James asked, sitting beside her and patting her on the back placidly.

“I meant to turn her into a piano, Oh Merlin she’s going to be so mad at me!”

“C’mon, it can’t have been the worst thing to happen… right James?”

“When I put the sorting hat on my head in first year, it quite bluntly told me that it couldn’t believe Harry Potter had lived long enough to have kids,” James said cheerfully, yet utterly irrelevantly.

Evan looked at him, askance. However the anecdote had worked and Fiana was sitting up – looking at James with surprise.

“Did it actually say that?” she asked, a ghost of a grin playing on her lips.

“Yep,” James said, stretching out on Evan’s bed.

“I suppose it makes a certain amount of sense,” Evan offered, trying hard not to smile himself.

“Yeah, Voldemort and all that,” James agreed, hugging Evan’s pillow and grinning up at him before turning his attention back to Fiana. “So what did Cass do to make you turn her into an accordion?”

Fiana rolled her eyes. “I have three words for you gentlemen; Massive Manga Meltdown.”

“Nice use of alliteration,” Evan congratulated, sitting beside James.

“Thank you,” she said. “Anyway, she went wild because she can’t remove a potion stain from her copy of ‘The Overwhelming Melancholia and Happy Awesome Lovetimes of the Shiny Elegant Walrus Princess’–”

“That title is exactly why I have never let you people force me into reading Manga,” James affirmed.

“Hush,” Fiana said, whacking him with a pillow. “Anyway, when I suggested she use a syphoning charm she went mental and told me that she didn’t know any of the advanced magic I’d learnt in the encyclopaedias I got for Christmas–”

“But, we learnt syphoning charms in second year!” Evan interrupted, as James began to shake with silent laughter.

“I know,” Fiana sighed long-sufferingly. “She burst into tears and began ranting about how Celeste had bought her volumed One through Forty-Seven of ‘TOMAHALOTSEWP’ and how they were really, really special to her, and how I couldn’t possibly understand because I was boring and single–”

“Wow,” James said, sitting up with a look of shock.

“And that I should be more understanding and less self-involved–”

“Wow,” Evan said, his mouth hanging wide open.

“And then she picked up my newest book and threw it out the window–”

“So you turned her into an accordion,” Evan finished, nodding.

“Yep, I turned her into an accordion – although I was aiming for a piano.”

“Well… accordions are a lot more annoying than pianos.” James said.

“That’s what I thought,” she agreed, nodding. “I suppose I should leave you two to pack and go change her back, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Evan agreed, patting ruffling her hair slightly.

Evan watched the petit blond square her shoulders and walk out to confront Cassandra.

“Merlin’s bloody beard,” Evan said, shaking his head.

“Oh come on,” James said, grinning like an idiot. “You would miss the hell out of Cassie if she weren’t around.”

“Would I?”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“Well yes, but it would be nice to be given the chance to miss her, you know?”

“You’re demented Dyer – a complete Pureblood nutter.”

“Toss off,” Evan said, playfully punching James in the arm.

“Hey! That actually hurt,” James smirked, as he rubbed his arm. “Is someone upset that I got equal top of the year with you?”

“You’ll live, twat,” Evan replied pitilessly. “And no; I’m proud that you got equal top with me.”

“I should start packing my trunk again shouldn’t I?”

“Yes twatter, you should.”

As James got up and began packing his bag again, mock-grumbling, Evan smiled. He and James had finally reassumed their rhythm, and Evan felt as though he were nearly glowing with happiness. In that moment, it felt like it had when they were eleven – like their friendship would be infinite, like everything was perfect and nothing would ever change.

*

The train ride back to London was quiet. As far as James could see, Cassandra had completely forgotten about Fiana turning her into an accordion – a spell James had already begun learning for future use. The two girls were both happily engrossed in their books, Cassie in a guide book to Wizarding Australia, and Fiana in one of her muggle fantasy novels, occasionally stopping to strike up a conversation. Evan meanwhile, was on his phone, having some sort of heated discussion with his brother about a fishpond. Obviously, James was bored.

“I’m bored,” he mock-whined to the mostly silent compartment, earning a lazy kick from Evan.

“Well read a book then,” Cassandra said placidly, without looking up from her novel.

“I don’t want to,” James sighed.

“Why?” Fiana asked, without looking up.

“Lily and Albus borrowed them didn’t they?”

“Ah,” was all Cassandra said, before suddenly screaming loudly with delight – making James smack his head against the window, Fiana to emit a sharp squeal of surprise, and Evan – who had just finished his phone call – to topple off the seat in surprise.

“OH MY GOD, EVAN, DID YOU KNOW THAT AUSTRALIA HAS A NATIONAL MAGIC SCHOOL – THE ROYAL AUSTRAIAN MAGICAL ACADEMY?”

Evan looked at Cassandra with a mixture of shock and uncertainty. “RAMA? Yes, I did know that. Some of my cous–”

“AND IT HAS A HOUSE CALLED DYER?”

“Well, yes–”

“ISN’T THAT THE BIGGEST COINCIDENCE EVER?”

“Not really,” Fiana muttered sarcastically into her book.

“Yeah, it’s really not that much of one…” James agreed, fighting hard to keep from laughing.

“What?” Cassandra asked, looking utterly confused.

James distinctly heard Evan sigh, as he moved across to sit next to the hyperactive girl. “My Great-Great-Great Uncle was one of the co-founders of RAMA in the 1850s, Cass.”

“Why?” Cassandra queried.

“Because the Imperial Ministry for Magic told him to I imagine,” James put in, examining one of his nails.

“There was an Imperial Ministry of Magic?”

“Cass,” Fiana said, putting her book down. “We did an entire semester on Magic and the British Empire in Fifth Year, do you not even remember?”

Cassandra’s look was frighteningly blank.

“You got an O for your essay on Indian Colonial Magic?” Evan offered helpfully.

“You went on about it for weeks?” James prompted, beginning to become concerned by her continued blank look.

“Oh…” Cassie said, picking up the guidebook again. “That’s probably one of the memories I removed to maximise my Celeste memories.”

“You didn’t?” Evan gasped.

James lent forward and looked at her askance. “Please, Cassandra McAllister, please tell me you didn’t modify your memories, to try and highlight other memories. No one is that stupid.”

Cassie looked up from her book and glared at him, obviously nettled. “I wanted to remember more of Celeste!”

“That’s… really not how Memory Charms work sweetie,” Fiana said, obviously trying to keep her cool.

“It’s not?”

“No!” James said exasperatedly. “No wonder you’re so disjointed and confused all the time! Removing takes a toll on your mind!”

“Why didn’t you just buy a pensieve?” Fiana wondered.

“I didn’t have the money–” Cassie began.

“I would have bought you one in an instant! The cost of a pensieve is so much less than the toll this will have done on your memory!” Evan said, eyes glittering with exasperation.

Cassandra had begun to cry, obviously beginning to grasp the enormity of her actions. “What should I do?”

“Go see the driver and ask if one of the conductors will help you get to St Mungos?” Fiana suggested sensibly.

“That will work,” she said, getting up, and kissing them all on the forehead. “Where am I going?”

“Oh for Morgan’s sake, come on,” Fiana said, taking Cassandra’s hand in her own and leading her up the train.

“That was…” Evan began.

“That really was,” James agreed, beginning to laugh.

“I just can’t understand…” Evan said, mirth glittering gloriously in his grey eyes.

“I know!” James replied, before doubling over into a proper fit of laughter. 

By the time they both regained their composure, several minutes had passed. Evan’s eyes were still twinkling, and his dimples were still tugging at his cheeks slightly, and for a moment James was completely overcome with a desire to confess his true feelings.

“You look,” he began. “I mean, that is to say…”

“What?” Evan asked, grinning.

“I am totally… You are… I’m glad you’re my friend,” he finished lamely. 

Evan laughed. “Yes, it is rather excellent isn’t it?”

James wanted to tell Evan everything, about how oddly beautiful he looked in the afternoon sunlight, and how very much he wanted to slide across the compartment and lean into his neck, and hold his hand, and kiss him. But he couldn’t; he was a coward. They sat there in silence for a moment, Evan looking at him with an air of amusement, James inwardly berating himself, until Fiana returned, and everything went back to whatever passed for normal these days.

*

Evan entered his suite with palpable relief, shutting the door firmly behind him. With a smile, he took out his wand, sending his trunk into the wardrobe – relishing in the fact that he could now perform magic completely free of the trace. Absently, he opened the windows in the main room, before walking through to his bedroom, opening the windows in there, and flumping onto his bed.

Finally, it was the summer holidays. A time for relaxation, refreshment, and in Evan’s case, trying to work out how to confront James with his feelings. As the warm breeze blew in through the windows, Evan allowed himself to despair slightly – there was very little chance of confronting James without awkwardness, however Evan was certain that he needed to do it in order to move on. For a moment, Evan allowed himself to fantasise about ridiculous scenarios in which James not only accepted Evan’s feelings, but reciprocated them. Ridiculous mental images of James taking Evan into his arms and kissing him flitted through his head. Smiling, Evan lay back and allowed his mind to wander.

He was roused from his reverie by a knock on his door. “Who is it?” he called, removing his hand from his pants.

“Your siblings,” Eleanor called back sarcastically.

 “Which siblings?” Evan responded, smiling slightly.

“Nicodemus, can you please skip the snide comments and let us in?” Elijah called tiredly.

Evan sat up, shaking his head slightly. “You realise the door is open don’t you dear brother?”

There was a pause, before the door opened, revealing Eleanor, Elijah and Eugene all looking slightly sheepish. Evan looked on impassively as they piled onto the bed with him, settling themselves around him.

“We need to talk,” Eleanor said looking at Evan seriously. The manner in which she ritualistically intoned the four words strongly reminded Evan of every soap opera he’d ever seen.

“Is this some sort of intervention,” he asked wryly.

“Yes,” Eugene agreed. “But let’s make it snappy, I’ve got one of the girls covering my shift while I do this.”

Evan raised his eyebrows, feeling equal amounts of amusement, confusion and consternation. “What exactly are you intervening?”

“You like James,” Elijah said without preamble, obviously attempting to catch Evan off-guard.

“Yes… and…?” Evan replied promptly, taking secret amusement in the identical looks of surprise on his sibling’s faces.

“You know?” Eleanor blurted out with surprise.

“That I like James? Yes Leah, I do in fact know that.”

“Then we don’t need to convince you that you should just come to terms with the fact?” Eugene asked sardonically.

“Nope,” Evan agreed.

“And I totally could be at work right now?”

“Yes, although I do appreciate the show of brotherly concern Gene.”

“We totally thought you were in denial about the whole thing after your break-up with Michael,” Eleanor said uncertainly.

“No, no. I jumped back on-board with the James-lust pretty quickly,” Evan corrected. “All I need to do now is work out how to tell him I like him.”

There was a moments silence as the four of them thought of possible solutions to Evan’s problem.

“You could tell him and then Oblivate him if he takes it badly?” Eugene suggested.

“Nah, you should hex him, tie him to a chair and then tell him while he’s still woozy?” Elijah disagreed.

“How about you just tell him that you like him, and trust in the fact that he will get over it like the mature adult he is,” Eleanor suggested, with a withering look at her brothers.

For a moment they all nodded in sombre agreement, before all bursting into gales of laughter at the thought of James as a mature adult.

“Seriously though,” Evan wheezed, wiping a tear from his eye. “I’m screwed right?”

“Leah’s idea has merit – he’s your friend Nico,” Eugene said seriously. “If nothing else he’ll probably just be slightly flattered.”

“Or horrified,” Elijah piped in.

“Fifty-fifty,” Eleanor agreed.

Evan sighed. “Yeah, I suppose you guys are right,” Evan said resignedly. “I’ll just have to work something out.”

Eugene stood, stretching slightly. “Well, while you do that, I’ll head back to St Mungo’s,’ he said, leaning forward and hugging each of them in turn. Finally, he ruffled Evan’s hair affectionately. “You’ll work something out little brother, you always do.”

They watched him leave, and then lay on the bed, relishing the serenity for a few moments, before Boris unexpectedly appeared telling Evan that his trunk had been unpacked. Before Evan could stammer a thanks of gratitude, Wonky and Twinky also appeared to tell Elijah and Eleanor that their trunks had also been unpacked. Sighing, they left for their respective rooms to supervise the no-doubt impressive carnage that awaited them.

Listlessly, Evan walked over to the window, staring out over the grounds. Inside, he was a maelstrom of emotions, both exhilarated and terrified of the prospect of telling James his true feelings. Tomorrow, Evan decided, he would go to the Potter house and tell James how he felt. Turning from the window, Evan smiled – a giant weight lifted from his shoulders.

Chapter 14: The Boy with Two Hearts

Summary:

In which there is a rather protracted Doctor Who analogy, some Italian puns, childhood reminiscences, and rather too many smart mouthed family members.

The moon was shining in a curiously arrogant manner, taunting the cool summer breeze blowing off the Kentish coast. It was four a.m. and Evan was finally getting to sleep, when a loud rumbling noise that he hadn’t noticed until that moment grew to a crescendo outside his bedroom window.

“For Merlin’s sake,” he said tiredly, opening his eyes, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed, and sitting up to peer out the window. The sight that greeted him was not at all what he expected – James Potter was grinning in a slightly demented fashion whilst standing on what appeared to be thin air. With some trepidation, Evan moved forward and opened the window.

“What the hell are you doing Jamie?” he asked, looking down to see James balanced on his motorcycle.

“Hello to you too,” James said, his graceful jump through the window marred only slightly by a lurched landing. Shaking his head, he turned to bike and patted it. “You can wait on the ground now if you like.” The bike honked, and slowly sank towards the ground.

“Are you drunk?” Evan asked, leaning forward to smell the unmistakeable scent of Firewhisky on James’ breath.

“I certainly hope so,” James said, sitting down happily on the edge of Evan’s bed. “If I’m not than Teddy and I definitely wasted a lot of good alcohol.”

Evan stood there blinking blearily. “I am so not awake enough for this,” he said, sinking into a chair. “Why didn’t you just stay at Teddy’s?”

“Victoire was a tad ‘frisky’ apparently, and he told me to bugger off,” James smirked, before tilting his head tightly. “Why is there a vein pulsing on your forehead?”

“Because, James, I am wondering why you didn’t just go home since it is, in fact four o’clock in the morning.”

“Dad and I had a fight.”

Evan sighed. Harry and James – much like Lily and James – could always be counted on to find something to fight about, particularly when it came to Harry’s expectations of his son.

“About what?” Evan asked curiously.

“He wants me to be an Auror, I want to be a Quidditch player.”

“Well, can’t you do both?”

“No!” James said, shaking his head like a dog shaking water.

“This might sound like a stupid question, but why not?”

“Because I don’t want to be an Auror!”

“Okay then, well…”

“Evan, that isn’t the point of this conversation,” James said, moving closer to Evan and peering at him intently in a manner that made him feel slightly breathless.

“Oh really?”

“You are the point, or you know, it would be but…”

“What?” Evan asked, completely confused.

“I keep thinking, this situation… it’s so… I have two hearts and lots of running about and you’re just there, always there.”

“Is… that meant to make any sense James? Because it really doesn’t,” Evan replied uncertainly.

James groaned, and shook his head again. “I am the Doctor, with all the running about and laughing and madness and trollops, and you-”

“Are you using Doctor Who to psychoanalyse this situation-” Evan started, a strangely panicked giggle rising in his throat.

“Shush, Evan, shush… Where was I?”

“I can speak now?” Evan asked, utterly failing to suppress his desire to make James crazier.

“Of course you can, unless you can’t. Where was I?”

“You were saying that you are the Doctor?”

“Yes! The Doctor!” James said fervently. “All the running and crazy and trollops! But you, you’re just there all the time.”

“I am?”

“You have been, just like the TARDIS.”

“I’m the TARDIS?”

“Yes, and I’m the Doctor,” James assured him, giggling slightly.

“What the hell are you–”

“Like in that old episode, where the TARDIS gets a body, and you realise that the Doctor didn’t steal it, it stole him.”

“So I stole you?”

“Yes!” James cried. “But I’ve always been too stupid, or you’ve had… rocks, but now both of us, we’re there for each other!”

Evan’s heart was beating very fast. “So, we’re friends?”

“No!” James cried, “Well I mean, yes, yes we are. I don’t know Evan, you… You stand there and everyone looks, because you’re you, and I got so used to that, that I didn’t look for myself.”

“James–”

“Oh bollocks, Evan, you are amazing, and I’m going to kiss you now.”

James leant forward and wrapped his arms around Evan, pressing their lips together, and for a moment, Evan was completely still, shocked by what had just happened, and then he melted back into James, running his hands hungrily across James’ back. Evan’s mind felt as though it was filled with fireworks, and then James’ tongue flitted across Evan’s teeth, and nobody screamed, not even him.

They fell heavily back onto the bed, kissing all the while. Kissing James was different, more aggressive than Evan was used to. A lot of teeth clashing and tongue movement, and then for no discernable reason, Evan broke contact with James lips, and kissed his way lazily across the other young man’s jaw, ending up in the hollow of his neck. Pinned underneath him, James made a low growl of contentment in his throat. Evan laughed, and bit into James neck softly.

“Fuck,” James whispered reverently, like a prayer.

Evan smiled, and bit again, making James writhe slightly.

“Can you stop biting me and start kissing me again?” James asked plaintively.

“I like biting,” Evan murmured as he moved his head back. “There’s a winner.”

*

Evan was dreaming. He was running down a worn and twisted path, surrounded on both sides by endless rolling steppes. The sky was iron-grey and filled with angry, roiling clouds, whilst the wind flattened the tall grass beside him, pushing him faster and faster. In the distance, a vast body of water sat surrounded by a fringe of hills and cliffs, mocking him.

Behind him he could hear music, and a great thundering, as though a thousand horses were stampeding in unison. He kept trying to look back, but he couldn’t turn his head. Instead, he ran.

Words came to him, like whispers on the wind. “The face changes,” he thought, “but the soul remains the same.”

He ran until his chest and legs ached, and his breath came in jagged slits of ice. Finally exhausted, he fell to his knees, and rested his head against the earth. For a moment, there was silence as he caught his breath, and then with a massive roar, the wind lifted him from the ground, catapulting him across the sky.

Beneath him he passed rivers, and lakes, and cities of tents. He tried to scream, but the wind took the sound and added it to its own massive roar. And then he was above the sea, moving towards its very centre. Desperately he tried to move, but the wind mocked him.

“Death and wisdom,” it whispered. “Love and war.”

And then the wind stopped, and Evan was falling, falling towards the water until …

*

… Evan awoke with a shout, his blankets twisted around him. Morning sun was streaming into the room through the open window, making the posters blink and shuffle about, and the gilded wood and panelling bellow glisten. 

“Merlin’s teeth!” Evan sighed petulantly. “Why are my dreams always so melodramatic?”

“What?” A husky voice asked from beside him. With a flash, Evan remembered the previous night. Blushing, he turned to look at his bed-mate. James was sprawled across the bed, blinking blearily in the sunlight. He was still fully clothed, his only concession to comfort his shoes and cloak on the floor.

For a moment, Evan merely stared. James was a vision, with his untidy hair, and freckles, and dimpled smile, and glorious hazel eyes, Evan was almost tempted to check to see if he were still dreaming.

“Morning,” James said, grinning devilishly as he moved forward to engulf Evan in a kiss.

They pulled apart a moment later, both making faces. “That’s really…” James began.

“Yeah,” Evan agreed.

“Morning breath is not a nice thing.”

“At least I don’t taste like the Gryffindor Commons after a Quidditch Cup win.”

James laughed airily. “I am honoured to be compared to such an august situation.”

“Not you, just your morning breath,” Evan assured James, kissing him on the side of the mouth. “The rest of you is definitely better.”

“Yeah?” James asked suggestively, scooting forward to place his arms around Evan’s shoulders.

“Yeah–” Evan began, before being cut off by the sound of three feminie voices.

“Nico?” Eleanor called through the door, hammering against it with what Evan could only assume was one of the battering rams from the crypt. “Are you awake? Amy’s here!”

“Yes, she is,” Amy called exubriently. “She wants to celebrate getting into Kinghaven by taking you and your siblings out for lunch, also the deliciously devious Lily Potter, who’s here wondering if you’ve seen James.”

“Oh fuck,” James breathed, looking at Evan with consternation.

Evan was attempting to unscramble his brain when the door burst open, and the three girls spilled into the room, coming face to face to Evan and James lying in the bed.

For a moment they were silent, their eyes taking in James’ dishevelled state and copious love bites and Evan’s bare chest and faded boxers, half hidden by twisted sheets.

“Merlin’s bloody beard,” Amelie crowed, before clapping her hands and launching herself onto the bed, landing on Evan’s chest. Lily and Eleanor quickly followed suit.

“You two, finally stopped being stupid!” Lily crowed.

Evan rolled his eyes. “Shush,” he said, smacking her with a pillow.

“And you had sex as well!” Eleanor added, unperturbed by Lily’s punishment.

“Was it attractive man sex?” Amy asked archly.

Evan chuckled in spite of himself. “We didn’t actually have sex…”

“Inconsequential details!” Amy replied.

“But if you had,” Lily pushed on lithely. “Would you have classed it as attractive man sex?”

“Well… we are men, I suppose,” Evan conceded.

The three girls squealed and clapped their hands together in an alarming manner. James made a weak, crushed noise from the bottom of the pile.

Evan rolled his eyes, and got up. “Come and buy us lunch then Oxford girl,” he said, grabbing Amy’s hand.

*

The Villa del Canti was old. Originally built in the fifteenth century as the home of deranged order of operatic, magical nuns, the Palazzio was infamous in Wizarding Florence for its sordid past. The house had changed hand a number of times over the years, functioning as a bank, a brothel, a school house, and a  before finally being purchased by Nicodemus Chant in the late fifties. Since then, the house had remained a winter retreat until the late 1990s, when Nicodemus and his wife had decided to move permanently to the home, in order to take advantage of the peaceful atmosphere and picturesque views.

None of this of course made any difference to the youngest Dyer children as they climbed up the steep streets of the hamlet surrounding the Villa.

“Why the hell, do Oma and Oppa have to live on a bloody hill?” Eleanor panted grumpily, as a grinning local blared the horn of his vespa as he swerved past the group.

“Because, they like it here,” Evan replied, looking at his sister with vast amusement. “Plus it’s really pretty.”

“Oh of course Nico,” Eleanor snapped, screwing her face up at him. “Pretty! Exactly what I’d call this cliff village from hell.”

Evan laughed, and shook his head. Eleanor complained every time they came to Italy, both on arrival and leaving, so he didn’t take her complaints at face value.  “Don’t scrunch up your face like that dear, you look like a house elf.”

“What I want to know,” Elijah puffed “is why the hell you chose to come with us, instead of just apparating later with mum and dad and Eugene.”

Evan shrugged easily. “Someone had to make sure you two didn’t accidentally end up in Rwanda… Plus I like the walk; I haven’t got much exercise since school finished.”

Elijah sighed dramatically, and looked at his twin sister. “He looks so normal, and then he says things like that. What are we to do with you Evander?”

“Besides, what do you mean no exercise?” Eleanor asked archly. “You and James have been exercising your tongues in each others’ mouths for the last week.”

Evan felt himself blushing slightly. “And that’s relevant because…?”

“Ooh! Somebody’s blushing!” Elijah crowed triumphantly.

“I wonder why Evander is blushing.” Eleanor asked, grinning impishly at her brother.

“Perhaps it’s because James wanted to come with us to Florence?”

“So he could ravish-”

Evan sighed pointedly. He loved his siblings, but they’re propensity for ribbing could occasionally grow slightly tiresome. Still, it was entirely likely that they’d be at each other’s throats by the end of the day.

Suddenly an idea struck him. “You know, Oma and Opa always eat lunch at precisely midday right?” Evan asked innocently, pulling the fob watch he’d received for his birthday from his pocket.

“Yeah, so?” Eleanor asked.

“Well… its quarter to twelve now… we should probably hurry if we want to eat.”

“Oh Merlin’s beard–” Elijah began, groaning.

Evan grinned evilly. “Let’s run shall we?” he asked, turning to run up the street.

Behind him, he could hear his siblings running after him, Elijah laughing, Eleanor panting.

“I hate you Evander Dyer,” she yelled.

By the time they reached the Villa, all three of them were panting slightly, and Evan had a slight stitch in his side. Taking the lead, Evan stopped before a stretch of wall with a bass-relief of the Goddess Minerva a bronze plaque bearing the word CANTI, and took out his wand, surreptitiously looking down the street. Satisfied, he tapped the fourth brick to the right of the plaque, and stepped back. Evan felt a peculiar tingling sensation as the Disillusionment Charm enchanted into the bricks engulfed him, while the bricks ponderously re-arranged themselves to form a large archway. With small smile, Evan stepped through the arch and into the well tended garden of the Villa.

“What was with the furtive spy-looks?” Elijah questioned, quirking his eyebrows at Evan as they moved down the conifer-lined path.

“I was just making sure no Muggles were watching.”

Eleanor rolled her eyes at him. “It’s the middle of the day, on a Saturday, in July? What were you expecting, some stereotype to ride past on a vespa saying ‘Ciao’?”

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure we didn’t have a repeat of the Great Botched Arrival of ’18,” Evan said defensively. “Do you want to have to go in and explain to Oma and Opa why they have to help us modify the memories of a bunch of skater boys?”

“No,” Eleanor admitted.

“Although the image of Oma running down the street after a pack of terrified teenagers will be one that I forever cherish,” Elijah said, clutching his chest with mock emotion.

Rolling his eyes, Evan took the steps up to the front door and pressed the doorbell. After a moment of silence, the door opened, revealing a smartly dressed housekeeper.

“Yes?” she asked in heavily accented English.

“Uh, we’re here to see our grandparents?” Evan said, slightly nonplussed.

“Of course, you come this way.”

Taking in Elijah and Eleanor’s mystified expressions, Evan shrugged, and followed the woman inside, stopping to remove his shoes and place them in the rack beside the door.

They followed the woman through the entranceway, then the marble-clad inner hallway, and into the living area. “You will wait here,” the housekeeper commanded, disappearing through the French doors and onto the patio.

“Who the hell is that?” Eleanor whispered.

“I have no idea,” Evan whispered back, absently twisting the woven bracelet around his wrist.

“I wonder what happened to Francesca?” Elijah asked, scratching his nose.

“How the hell would we know? We know as much as you–” Eleanor started hotly.

“Sush,” Evan said, as he heard the sound of someone approaching.

“Don’t shush me –”

“Eleanor, be quiet for a second,” Evan said, giving her an extra special dose of death stare number four, just as the ponderous housekeeper walked through the doors, and beckoned at them to follow her.

Ignoring his sister’s steely gaze and his brother’s silent fit of laughter, Evan followed the woman out onto the patio, where his grandmother was seated at a long wooden table at the edge of the patio.

“Ah, there you are,” Oriana Chant called in crisp German. “I see you’ve met our new housekeeper, Brigitte.”

“Hi, Oma,” Evan, Elijah and Eleanor replied in the same language.

“Come, sit. The view is particularly wonderful today”

Evan sunk into the ornate, winged chairs to his grandmother’s left, and looked out over the edge of the patio, taking in the breathtaking view of the Tuscan countryside beyond. The countryside flowed gently, with rolling hills, dotted with farms, villas, and groves of trees, making their way down to the sparkling Arno in the distance. The view was framed by two ornamental dirigible plum trees in large oak cask pots.

Evan sighed, and looked across at his siblings, who had seated themselves opposite him. “Where’s Opa today?” Eleanor asked sweetly, poking her tongue out at Evan.

“He’s in Milan, buying some ‘art’ apparently,” Oriana said, loftily ignoring her granddaughter’s rude gesture. “But how are you three? Hungry?”

“Very,” Elijah said enthusiastically.

Oriana rolled her eyes slightly and clapped her hands. “Brigitte? We’ll take our lunch out here.”

“Of course, ma’am,” Brigitte said, disappearing back into the house.

“So Oma, who’s Brigitte, what happened to Francesca?” Evan asked, eliciting an empathetic nod from Eleanor.

“Francesca retired,” Oriana replied calmly. “She was eighty-two, and decided that she wanted to live the quiet life. We set her up in a nice little Villa near Ampoli.”

“Yes, but who’s Brigitte?” Elijah asked. “She seems very…”

“Efficient? Yes. I picked her up when we were in Sweden in January – poached her from a horrible old German couple we know in Stockholm.”

Evan laughed and shook his head – his grandmother never ceased to amaze.

“So tell me, how is your schooling?”

“Exemplarily,” Evan said with a perfectly straight face, making his grandmother give a hoot of laughter.

“Good, Oma, thank you,” Eleanor said. “Elijah and I just finished our fifth year-”

“Oh yes, the PIGEONs or whatever they’re called,” she said, her eyes sparkling with interest.

Evan laughed. “The OWLs,” Eleanor corrected, while Elijah joined Evan’s laughter.

“How did you go do you think?” Oriana asked.

“Good I think,” Elijah said merrily.

“They get their results in August, Oma,” Evan added.

She turned and looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “And what about you Evander? You start your, what is it, DRAGONs, this year?”

Evan chuckled. “My NEWTs yes, I’m excited for it.”

“And you still plan to go to Oxford like Amelie?”

“Yes ma’am,” Evan said, nodding slightly.

“Excellent, a solid education is important. Your grandfather went to Oxford when he was a young man you know.”

“Yes Oma, I know,” Evan smiled, making Eleanor giggle.

Evan was saved from further inquiries by the arrival of a large dish of lasagne, followed several moments later by a garden salad, a plate of rolls, and finally by Brigitte.

“Ah, lunch is here I see,” Oriana said genially, watching as Brigitte silently served the food and left.

“She’s very… quiet,” Eleanor commented, as she grabbed a bread roll.

“Very quiet,” Evan agreed.

“Almost too quiet,” Elijah added through a mouthful of food.

“Elijah Ignotus,” Oriana said crisply. “I know for a fact that your parents taught you proper table manners, kindly use them and do not talk with food in your mouth!”

Evan snorted into his plate, and heard Eleanor do the same. Whilst nowhere near as insane, and infinitely less concerned with blood-purity than their father’s mother, Oriana Chant was very much a creature of the old order – concerned with propriety and the correct forms of behaviour. To say that Evan and his siblings were a bit of a trial for the woman was something of an understatement.

Elijah chewed his food carefully and swallowed. “Sorry, Oma,” he said in a chastised voice, twisting the new signet ring on his finger nervously. “I got excited for a second.”

Oriana sighed dramatically. “You remind me of your mother when she was a girl. She was never the easiest child to deal with.”

Evan looked up from his lasagne hopefully – Oriana always had the very best stories about their mother. “What do you mean, Oma?” he asked neutrally. “Mum has always said she was a good girl growing up.”

Eleanor nodded emphatically. “She’s always used that excuse on me anyway.”

“Oh has did now?” Oriana asked, her eyes twinkling. “Well I’m here to tell you that she definitely wasn’t ‘a good girl’. In fact I can think of a whole number of times where she was anything but good!”

“Like when?” Elijah asked, sitting forward eagerly.

“Well, I remember one particular occasion when we were visiting your great-uncle Helmut in Copenhagen; your mother must only have been oh, seven years old, I think. Anyway your uncle Helmut had seven children – twin daughters about twelve years older than Sigrid, and five sons, and of course your mother was the only girl in five children, and the girls Inga and Janne helped out in the family bookstore so the boys ran amuck and left your mother more or less to her own devices.”

“Oh wow, I wonder what that feels like,” Eleanor smirked pointedly at Evan, who grinned back.

“Yes, quite,” Oriana smiled. “Anyway, we’d been staying with them for about a week, and it was dinner time, so the boys all walked in, obviously very pleased with themselves about something. So they all sat down, but Sigrid wasn’t with them.”

“Oh no,” Evan said, eliciting a smirk from his grandmother.

“So anyway, your great-aunt Helga and I asked them ‘Was ist los? Where is Sigrid?’, and the boys were smiling like they had the biggest joke, and finally your Uncle Wilhelm told us that she wasn’t coming because she didn’t want any dinner-”

“A fickle lie, obviously,” Elijah said, as he happily served himself a second slice of lasagne.

“And I thought to myself that this was obviously a lie, so I went up to her room, and found her on her bed, in her nightdress crying. So I said ‘Sigrid my angel what is wrong?’ and she said ‘the boys said I can’t have any dinner because I got my best dress dirty!’”

“Poor, sad mummy!” Eleanor said, twiddling her signet.

“Yes, quite,” their grandmother said. “Well, I looked at her dress – this lacy little thing with a ballerina skirt, and it was indeed covered in mud – which took me just seconds to scourge off I might add, and I turned back to her and I asked her why she’d got it covered in mud. Well, it took a bit of coaxing, and in the mean time Janne and Inga had come up to see what was happening, but eventually she told us: the boys had promised that they would have a picnic with her that afternoon, if she could keep up with them, and as long as she wore her best clothes. Now she loved those boys dearly as only a seven year old can, and desperately wanted to be included, so she agreed. Anyway, the boys led her out into the city – Helmut and Helga lived in Østerbro, near the city centre – and eventually took her to the Ørstedsparken, where they proceeded to run in all directions, panicked, she ran after them and fell into the lake,”

“That’s so mean!” Evan said, shaking his head.

“I thought so too,” Oriana agreed. “So the boys fished her out, and laughed at her and told her that she wouldn’t be allowed to come to the picnic or dinner, because she’d ruined her dress, and then left her there by herself – which I think was the part that made me the most angry, to this day I have no idea how she managed to get home, but she did, and she spent the whole afternoon in her bedroom crying.”

“Wow, that’s meaner than I would be to Eli!” Eleanor said, her eyes wide.

“Well, by this point I was thoroughly angry – particularly with Wilhelm and Gerhard who were seventeen and sixteen, and should have known better than to be so cruel, so I left her with Inga and Janne, and went downstairs and told Helmut, and Con, and Helga, and I was on the verge of sending the boys upstairs without dinner when the girls appeared, and Sigrid asked us to let the boys stay. Anyway, dinner was a bit strained, although I noticed the girls were all grinning, and then Helga served the soup.”

“Oh no,” Elijah said.

“Well, we all ate the soup fine, but the boys didn’t, oh no. No sooner did they try to ladle a mouthful then their soups attacked, covering them and burning them. I looked at Janne and Inga, but they were just as surprised as we were, whilst your mother just sat there smiling evilly.”

“I love mum,” Evan said to no one in particular.

“Agreed,” Eleanor said, passing him the salad to go with his second plate.

Their grandmother nodded, and continued. “Well, we cleaned them up and went on with our meal, but each course something similar happened – the salads launched themselves at the boy’s faces, the roast fork went for Wilhelm’s throat, and the chocolate éclairs catepaulted themselves out the window. Eventually, Inga got up to clean the table, and realised her wand was gone,” Oriana said, grinning at Elijah’s exclamation of amusement. “It wasn’t in her pocket, and she started to get stressed, before Sigrid calmly got up and passed Inga her wand back, and apologised for borrowing it.”

“Mum is awesome!” Elijah said, shaking her head.

“Well, what could we do? She’d finished dinner, and it was her bed-time, and it wasn’t like the boys didn’t deserve a bit of payback, so we let it slide. But from that day on, her brothers were always much nicer to her,” Oriana finished.

By the time, Evan’s grandmother had finished recounting her tale, the ruins of their lunch lay around them, and Elijah and Eleanor both looked slightly drowsy – a feeling Evan reciprocated.

Spying their yawns, Oriana smiled slightly, and clapped her hands. “Come, it’s time for a sleep I think, yes?”

*

The sun was setting outside Evan’s window, casting long shadows upon the room. Absently, he waved his hand, lighting the lamps, and then looked up from his book – truly noticing the growing dimness. Absently, he took out his fob he’d received for his seventeenth birthday – it was 8:36. Evan was still considering the implications of the lateness when there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” Evan called.

“Me?” Amy called back grumpily.

“Me, who?”

“Evander Nicodemus Dyer, I will blast this door off its fucking hinges unless you–”

Evan rolled his eyes. “The door is unlocked?” he called.

Amy walked in, looking suitably sheepish, Evan just laughed. “So much work,” he said, shaking his head, and banishing the books from the chair opposite him. Gracelessly, she sunk into the proffered seat and frowned at him.

“What’s up?” Evan asked.

“What’s up?” she mimicked sarcastically.

Evan lifted his eyebrows at her, and sent her his very best “What the hell is your problem”-look.

“Okay,” she said, raising her hand placatingly, “that was uncalled for.”

“Yes,” Evan agreed. “What’s got you up and acting-”

“Highly irritated?” Amy ventured.

“Well, I was going to go with ‘like a heinous bitch’, but we’ll stick with your version,” Evan said mockingly.

Amy rolled her eyes at him. “Okay I deserved that, but now will you let me rant at you please?”

Evan smirked and nodded. “Permission to begin ranting.”

“Oma and Opa are only willing to pay half of my uni fees if I promise that I will a) promise to not date or have sex during uni-”

Evan sat forward, his mouth hanging open. “So, basically to become a celibate female eunuch?” he asked, appalled.

“Yes,” Amy nodded. “And b) to only do an my internship at a company they approve of – which won’t include any owned by MantiCore.”

Evan looked at her uncomprehendingly for a second. He knew his grandparents could be meddling, and somewhat jealous of the influence the Dyer’s had on their grandchildren’s lives – that much had been made obvious the previous night when Evan’s grandfather had arrived home from Milan, and gifted the Amelie and Eleanor with matching sets of black diamond necklaces, and Cat, Eugene, Evan and Elijah with black diamond ear-studs. But to openly place limitations on Amelie’s future prospects was a completely new side of their neurosis.

“You’re not actually going to let them dictate it to you like that are you? I mean Uncle Chris work at MantiCore,” Evan finally said.

“No, dad and your mum are going in to talk to them now,” Amy said, staring moodily out the window.

“Well, that’s good right? Especially if dad and Aunty Eva stay out of it-”

“Yeah,” Amy nodded, giving him a wan smile, just as the sound of angry voices in German and Danish reached them.

“Or maybe not,” Evan conceded.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Amelie begged.

“Okay,” Evan smiled, looking across the room as his message tone chimed across the room. “Can you pass me my phone?”

Amy rolled her eyes and picked up the phone, and then dropped it with a squeal, which brought Evan to his feet. “What’s wrong he asked?”

Amy however, had picked the phone up again and had begun cackling with laughter. “Merlin’s shapely arse-cheeks, Nico – do you and James-” she burst into laughter again, and thrust the phone at Evan.

With some trepidation, Evan looked down at the message – half expecting it to be a naked picture from James. It was a picture of James, shirtless and smiling with his arm around Albus, in front of a lake. Beneath the picture, James continued the conversation they had been having earlier. ‘You were right,’ it read. ‘Lily is totally pissed at Lysander. Other than that Cumbria’s pretty boring, although Aunty Hermione took us to Derwentwater today (as you can see from the pic). How’s Florence? xo’

Evan looked up at Amy and raised an eyebrow. “Why the hell did that make you scream, and what’s so funny?”

“I’m sorry,” Amy gasped between shouts of laughter. “I just looked down at the message and saw James with a bare chest and I thought ‘Oh Gods, he’s naked!’ and then I picked it up again, and realised he was just shirtless, and then I started laughing because it was such a stupid thing to squeal over.”

For some reason, Evan found Amy’s reaction far funnier than he should have and sat down again laughing. After a moment, she began to laugh as well, and the sound carried out golden, across the growing night.

*

The conversation at the breakfast table was strained the next morning. Oriana and Nicodemus were far quieter than usual, while Evan’s mother and uncle were decidedly smug.

“So, Nico,” Cat asked casually, “how’s James doing?”

Evan flashed a grin at his cousin’s deceptively mild expression – he knew when someone was fishing. “Oh you know, he’s pretty good,” Evan replied in a similarly mild tone. “The Potter’s have gone up to Cumbria to visit Ron and Hermione Weasley.”

“Cumbria’s lovely this time of year,” Evan’s father commented neutrally.

“It is, isn’t it Uncle Ras?” Cat asked, his eyes twinkling. “Don’t you wish you were there too Nico?”

Amy, Eleanor, Elijah, Sigrid and Eva looked up, smirking, while Evan merely smiled. “I kind of like Italy, cousin dearest.”

“And why shouldn’t you?” his Opa Con said. “It’s where your family is after all.”

“Con,” Oriana said warningly. He sighed, and turned to Erasmus, Sigrid and Eugene and began discussing Quidditch.

Evan’s Uncle Chris rolled his eyes and looked across at Evan. “So, starting your final year at Hogwarts eh?”

“Yep,” Evan answered, grinning.

“I hope you get made Head Boy,” Elijah said fervently.

“Why?” Cat asked, looking up from his bacon.

Amelie and Eleanor looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “What?” Aunt Eva asked curiously.

“Elijah wants Evan to be Head Boy because he thinks he’ll get away with more rule breaking,” Amelie said, flashing her dimples at Evan.

“Oh, I’m sure you wouldn’t do that, would you Nico?” Eva asked, plainly amused.

Evan lifted and eyebrow and shot his brother an amused look. “Eugene didn’t give us any slack when he was Head Boy,” Evan said, laughing at the crestfallen look on Elijah’s face.

“That’s because he was too busy covering up his own rule-breaking,” Eleanor said succinctly.

“That’s what I would have been concerned with,” Cat agreed.

“No, Cat,” Amelie said, smiling sweetly. “You would have been concerned with charming as many girls as possible into your bed,”

“Amelie!” Uncle Chris and Aunt Eva said together, although Chris started chuckling.

“Actually, I heard Louis Fitzpatrick might get it.” Evan said.

“Who?” Eleanor asked.

“Yeah, I have no idea who you’re talking about,” Amelie said.

“Oh wait, do you mean that Hufflepuff guy in your year… with the dreadlocks?” Elijah asked.

“No, that’s Patrick Williams,” Eleanor corrected.

“Yeah, Louis has sort of… shaggy brown hair, and like brown eyes?” Evan hedged.

“Thus describing like a quarter of the English population,” Cat commented unhelpfully.

“This is actually quite terrifying,” Eva commented to her husband.

“Wait a second,” Eleanor said. “Not the Hufflepuff who streaked on the Quidditch pitch this year in the final match?”

“No, that was William McDuffy,” Elijah said.

“Louis is the guy who got caught in the Charms corridor toilets with the trunk full of-” Evan started.

“Oh!” Elijah, Amy and Eleanor cried in unison.

“What?” Cat asked, his mouth hanging slightly open.

“And he was in there with, you know-” Eleanor cried happily.

“Yes,” Evan nodded enthusiastically.

“No?” Chris asked, looking at his wife non-plussed.

“Then the accidentally transfigured all the basins into a horde of winged badgers, after he set fire to one of the toilets?” Elijah said.

“I heard it was wombats,” Evan asked, nonplussed.

“No, I was there with Louise,” Amy declared enthusiastically. “It was winged badgers.”

“What?” Cat asked again.

“And then McGoogles turned up to see what the commotion was-” Eleanor started.

“He jumped out the window and broke both his legs, yes,” Amy finished.

“I’m sorry, what?” Cat asked, somewhat plaintively.

“The man’s a legend,” Elijah said reverently.

“I’d forgotten his surname,” Eleanor said thoughtfully.

“Well yeah, everyone’s started calling him Badger Lou,” Evan nodded sagely.

“Yoohoo, there’s a baby in desperate need of some bath water here!” Cat said.

“What?” Elijah asked him curiously.

“Yes, what is he talking about Amy?” Evan asked.

“How the hell should I know?” she replied.

“What are you going on about Cat?” Eleanor asked.

There was a moment of mutual confusion, as the majority of the table stared at its youngest occupants.

“You four are ridiculous, you know that, don’t you?” Sigrid asked.

“Yes, we do, but thank you for the compliment anyway mother dearest,” Evan said.

There was another pause, in which Brigitte clomped into the room, taking Evan, Elijah, Eleanor and Amy’s plates.

“Does anyone else get the feeling we’re being shooed out?” Amelie asked, failing to hide her amused smile.

“I think you may be right,”

“You will go out now,” Brigitte said. “I need to clean table.”

Evan folded his arms and sat back in his chair. “Why is it only this half of the table that you’re shooing away?”

“Because, only this half of table spilt two glasses of orange juice,” Brigitte said, pointing at the stain Elijah had left earlier.

Laughing, they walked out into the Tuscan summer.

Chapter 15: It's like looking into the eye of a duck

Summary:

In which there is conflict in the Potter house, fan service, mentions of the war, a missing bed, times of a sexy nature, and a very Dyer dinner party.

James was bored. It was a Thursday in the last week of July, and like Arthur Dent, James had never been able to get the hang of Thursdays. This, combined with a sister who seemed to adore causing trouble for her brothers, meant that James was sitting in the branches of the largest Ash tree near the edge of the forest clearing which held the ramshackle home known as the Potter’s Eyrie.

James’ choice of resting place had little to do with the views of Godric’s Hollow across the vale, nor of the Exmoor hills beyond them, nor even of the sea of leaves around him. Instead, James was hiding from the distant noises of conflict that drifted across from the Eyrie. With a shake of his head, James considered the day so far.

It had begun innocently enough, with the arrival of his sister at his door just after 9 o’clock. Following her insistent knocking, James had extricated himself from his sheets, dragged himself out of his bed, and manoeuvred his way past a tottering pile of freshly-laundered clothes and robes, and opened the door to find Lily standing there with a sour expression on her face.

“Why are you always shirtless when you wake up?” She asked grumpily, moving past him to fling herself onto the comfortable sofa underneath the western windows.

“Well, probably because I sleep without a shirt on, I suppose – particularly in summer,” James said neutrally, as he walked across the room to pick up his wand from his bedside table, stopping only long enough to grab a clean set of clothes from the pile beside his bed.

“Hmmm, I guess I’ll let you off then,” Lily said, smiling slightly at him. “Where’s the remote?”

With a flick of his wand, James sent the remote control to the television soaring into her hands. “Do you mind if I go have a shower?”

“Nah, I’m just hiding in here from the ‘Golden Trio’ – just don’t tell them I’m here, particularly if Malfoy comes in to spy on you having a shower,” Lily said, flicking her hair spitefully.

James nodded neutrally, and walked across the landing he shared with his sister, wondering for the hundredth time firstly, how his sister managed to make perfectly normal body movements seem spiteful or sarcastic, and secondly, why exactly she seemed to be in such a bad mood of late – particularly with Albus, Rose and Scorpius.

He shut the bathroom door behind him, and locked it with a poke of his wand, and with an audible sigh, turned the water on. Of late, he had found himself at the centre of seemingly territorial disputes between his siblings, and the strain of remaining neutral and non-confrontational, while highly appreciated by his parents, was taking his toll.

With a grunt, James stepped into the water and allowed the heat to soak through his neck and shoulders, easing the tension he felt there. Still, he felt some solace in the fact that the end of July also brought the return of Evan from Florence, and all going well Evan would arrive at the Potter’s on Monday. As he lathered himself with soap, James felt himself growing hard at the thought of the last time he’d seen Evan – a memorable occasion where James had literally found himself pressed against a wall, with his arms wrapped around the surprisingly dominant Evan, who was kissing the air out of James’ lungs. With a smile, James moved his hands downwards, thinking of the clash of teeth, the rub of stubble against stubble, and the possibility that soon, they could do even more than kiss. Still, Evan wanted to take things slowly, and James was in no position to complain.

His hand was moving in a frantic rhythm, when suddenly there was a hammering on the door. James had barely a moment to turn the shower door to opaque when the bathroom door literally imploded inwards, revealing the vague shape of Albus Potter.

“Is that you in there James?” Albus asked grumpily, peering into the room, followed by a curious Rose and Scorpius.

“Uh, yeah,” James said, working very hard to keep his irritation from creeping into his voice. “Did you want anything in particular, or were you just coming in to watch me shower?”

“We were wondering if you wanted to play a game of Quidditch with us?” Rose asked sweetly.

“Uh, maybe later,” James said evenly. “I have to finish a potions essay this morning.”

“Oh, okay,” Albus said, sounding disappointed.

“It should only take me about an hour,” James said, in a conciliatory tone.

“Okay, well, we’ll let you finish shower then, like you know, we should have the entire time,” Scorpius said, no doubt looking meaningfully at Albus.

After they left, James looked down at the now semi-flacid member in his hands and sighed. Washing the last of the soap from his body, he exited the shower. Pausing for a moment to grab his wand and fix the door, he then grabbed a towel, and dried the rivulets of water running down his legs and torso, thinking longingly of the polite buffer that Evan, Fiana, and even Cassandra provided when they came to stay.

Once dry, James padded across the bathroom and brushed his teeth, before assessing the pile of clothing he’d grabbed in his hurry to get to the shower. Luckily, he’d managed to not only select a passable outfit, but also underwear: a pair of black boxer-briefs, a pair of blue and white plaid shorts, and a black ‘Aver, Crombie & Witch’ v-neck t-shirt. Pulling them on, James examined himself critically in the mirror, finding the outfit to his satisfaction. With another sigh, he glanced at his hair, and decided that he couldn’t be bothered going into battle with the messy locks he’d inherited from his father. Lastly, he shrugged on the three bracelets he customarily wore – a braided leather bracelet from Cassie, a beaded ‘frienship bracelet’ from Fiana, and a thick buckled bracelet which Evan had woven for each of them out of four of their school ties in their fifth year. 

Once satisfied, he walked back across the landing to his bedroom, finding Lily engrossed in some music special on the WBC. As he entered, she looked up, taking in his appearance with a raised eyebrow.

“Did the golden trio invade the bathroom again?” she asked, obviously picking up on his simmering irritation.

“Yes, for the umpteenth time this summer, Albus decided that the fact that I lock the door behind me when I go in for a shower means nothing. They wanted to see if I would play a game of Quidditch with them.”

Lily smiled indolently. “Careful brother dearest, you’re letting your finely tuned Gryffindor sensibilities show,” she said, moving over on the couch to let him sit down beside her.

Gladly, James sat. Increasingly, when forced to choose between hanging out with his sixteen year-old brother, and his soon to be fifteen year-old sister, James was finding himself choosing Lily. Not because she was any less moody, or argumentative, but mainly because she didn’t wasn’t surrounded by two obviously besotted, arguing best friends.

“So, when do you think Scorpius will make his move on dearest Cousin Rosie?” Lily asked, turning to look at James.

James grunted sourly. “For everyone’s sake I hope it’s not here, so we don’t have to deal with Albus moping around the house grumpily.”

Lily laughed wickedly. “It’s not like Al can be all high and noble about it, the way I hear it, he spent most of his fifth year mooning after Evan’s sister Eleanor.”

“Oh Merlin, really?” James asked in a horrified tone. “Leah’s lovely, but she would utterly destroy him.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Lily said fervently. “A Slytherin in the fifth year tried to cop a feel in the dungeons last year, and she hexed his face so badly he was in the hospital wing for a week.”

“I heard about that,” James said, laughing.

“Yeah…” Lily smirked. “She would have made a fantastic Slytherin.”

James rolled his eyes and poked her in the side. Then, a rerun of Hex and the City came on, and they sat side by side, watching for nearly an hour in companionable silence. As the end credits began to roll, James got out his essay, and left Lily to cackle at the television while he wrote on Felix Felices and the properties of luck potions.

James had nearly finished his essay, and Lily was still being thoroughly amused by the television an hour later, when the door slammed open, revealing Albus in a towering rage.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?” he yelled.

Lily looked up at him, clearly unimpressed. “Well, let’s see?” she asked patronisingly. “I’m watching television, and James is writing an essay.”

“WELL WHY ARE YOU IN HERE WHILE HE’S WRITING AN ESSAY, YOU’RE DISTRACTING HIM!”

James quirked an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder, just in time to see Lily launch to her feet. “I AM NOT DISTRACTING HIM!” she yelled heatedly.

“OH YEAH?” Albus yelled back.

“YEAH!”

“WELL THAT’S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” Albus bellowed.

“Um, guys?” James asked carefully.

“ALL I’M DOING IS WATCHING THE TELLIE!” Lily yelled, ignoring James’s querie.

“WELL WHY AREN’T YOU DOING IT IN YOUR ROOM, OR THE LIVING ROOM?” Albus asked.

“BECAUSE SOMEONE THREW HIS BLOODY QUAFFLE THROUGH MY BLOODY TELEVISION THIS MORNING–” Lily yelled back heatedly.

“I ALREADY BLOODY APOLOGISED FOR THAT LILY–”

“Guys?” James said, shutting his laptop.

“–SO, YOU SHOULD JUST WATCH IT DOWN STAIRS IN THE LIVING ROOM!” Albus yelled back, ignoring James 

“I CAN’T WATCH TELLIE IN THE LIVING ROOM, BECAUSE YOU’RE ALWAYS IN MY BLOODY FACE!”

“WELL, AT LEAST I DON’T STAND AROUND MAKING BITCHY COMMENTS ALL DAY, AND DISTRACTING JAMES FROM HIS ASSIGNMENTS, AND INVADING HIS PERSONAL SPACE!”

“Seriously, you two, I finished the essay like five minutes ago–”

“YOU’RE ONE TO BLOODY TALK ABOUT INVADING PERSONAL SPACE, ALBUS! I HAVEN’T HAD A SHOWER SINCE WE GOT BACK FROM CUMBRIA WITHOUT YOU SHOVING YOUR HEAD IN TO ASK A QUESTION–”

“OH DON’T GIVE ME THAT FUCKING NONSENSE, YOU SHOULD BE USED TO ME BY NOW–”

“Okay, seriously,” James said, taking out his wand and sending ten orange fire crackers whizzing from its end.

Both his siblings blinked at him in surprise, as he shouldered past them irritably. As he stomped down the stairs he heard them blaming each other for upsetting him, and he ground his teeth together and headed outside.

So now, he was sitting in an ash tree, bored out of his skull, while Lily and Albus raged on inside. Absently, James out the pocket watch his parents had given him for his seventeenth birthday and checked the time: it was 12:15, and he was slightly hungry.

Suddenly, Rose and Scorpius appeared from inside, their hands linked. Shyly, they began kissing against the back door. Grinning, James re-pocketed the watch, and took out his wand – taking a moment to be amused by the presence of a boy with an ash wand in an ash tree. He was bored, and a bored James meant pranks. With a tap to his head, he cast the Disillusionment Charm on himself, and then pointed his wand at the distant figures of his cousin and her paramour.

“Umbraventus” he thought chuckling as the two figures were engulfed in a sudden blast of wind from all directions.

Still chuckling to himself, James sent another gust of wind rippling through the trees around him, and then with a flick at the downwards, jumped from the tree, and gently floated to ground level. Once on the ground, he giggled to himself as his targets looked around in confusion, they’re hair whipping back and forth. Knowing that finite incantatum wouldn’t work, James pointed his wand and muttered a spell Evan had taught him from one of his Cantiology books. “Exhaurio Canticus”.

The wind died down, and the two erstwhile victims headed towards the clearing, obviously sensing something sinister at work. With moments to spare, James hid behind a tree, removed the disillusionment spell, and transformed into a stag.

“What do you think it was?” James heard Scorpius ask somewhere behind him.

“I don’t know, maybe James?” Rose suggested, I saw him come out here earlier.

“You don’t think he saw us do you?” Scorpius asked, panicked.

“So what if he did? He’s getting carnal with Evan Dyer, it’s not like he can judge us.”

Idily, James moved deeper into the woods, and headed west around the clearing towards the small brook that flowed beneath a grove of oak trees fifty yards from the edge of the woods.

By the time Rose and Scorpius reached him, he was sitting comfortably on the river bank, with his feet dangling in the water, reading a conveniently summoned book.

“Hey you,” Rose called quietly, as she reached the edge of the brook’s edge.

“Hi,” James said, looking up from his book. “Have they stopped fighting over which one is bothering me then, have they?”

“Oh, is that what they’re arguing about?” Rose asked, leaning against the rail of the little wooden bridge that crossed the brook and gave the Potters access to their various Orchards and fields.

“We should have known it would be something stupid like that,” Scorpius said forlornly.

James looked at the boy with tilted eyebrows. He was pretty, rather than handsome, with white-blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Initially, James’ parents had been somewhat reserved around the boy, due to events during the War and Reformation. However, he was Teddy’s cousin, so James and Lily had always treated their brother’s friend respectfully.

“So how come you’re not on your bike?” Rose asked, referring to the flying motorcycle his father had given James for Christmas.

James shrugged. “Teddy borrowed it yesterday afternoon so he and Victoire could nip over to Ireland for the weekend.”

“Lucky sod,” Scorpius drawled.

James nodded emphatically. “I would definitely be on it right now if he hadn’t.”

“So,” Rose said, moving beside him. “Did you feel a wind before?”

James looked up to the swaying branches above him, and then back to her sceptically. “Ummm, yes?”

Her ears reddened slightly, and Scorpius rolled her eyes at him. In the distance, James faintly heard his mother enter the fray.

“Lily and Al are about to stop fighting,” he said, jumping up onto the bank.

“What?” Rose and Scorpius asked together.

James tilted his head and looked at them. “My mum’s just got home.”

“How the hell do you know that?” Scorpius asked curiously.

“I can hear them,” James said, quirking an eyebrow.

Rose looked sceptical. “You can hear them?”

“Yes Rosie Jean,” James quipped. “I can hear them.”

“How can you hear them?” Scorpius asked confusedly. “The house is like a hundred yards away, through a screen of trees.”

James shrugged. “I can hear her, she’s sent Al to his room, and Lily to hers, and she’s about to come outside to look for us.”

“CALLING ALL POTTERS, WEASLEY’S AND MALFOYS,” Ginny’s magically amplified voice boomed. “LUNCH WILL SOON BE READY.”

Rose turned to look at James with unsettled eyes. “That is really kind of creepy.”

James rolled his eyes. “It’s because I’m an Animagus,” he suggested.

Rose and Scorpius looked at him in surprise. “Since when?” Rose asked.

“This year? Ev, and Fi and I did it.”

“What, registered and everything?” Scorpius asked as they walked through the trees towards the house.

“Yep,” James nodded.

“What form do you–”

Sighing, James transformed, and bounded through the trees. Behind him, he heard Scorpius whooping and Rose giggling.

When he reached his mother, James transformed mid-leap, landing neatly in front of her. She shook her head and mimed a blow at him.

“Do you know what your sweet siblings were arguing about,” she said by way of greeting.

“To begin with, I think it was over which one was bothering me the most,” James said, hugging his mother.

“If you really think that’s the reason, then you’re stupider than Lily pretends you are,” Ginny said looking over James’ shoulder in search of Rose and Scorpius.

James laughed, and smacked himself in the head. “Oh!” he cried in mock realisation. “Do you think it could possibly be to do with the fact that Rosie and Scorp have finally decided to start snogging?”

“I think it might do, yeah,” Ginny laughed, before sobering. “Still, we’ll have to tread carefully.”

James scoffed at his mother as he walked into the large kitchen and sat down at the table. “Everyone knew this was going to happen,” he said contemptuously.

“Yes,” Ginny agreed sitting opposite James. “But you’re Uncle Ron will still probably take it with incredible poor grace,” she said with a sigh, before glancing at her son with a glint of mischief in her eyes. “Besides, ‘everybody knew’ Evan and you would end up dating, but you didn’t seem to see it.”

James made a strangled sound, causing his mother to cackle with glee. “Why does Uncle Ron hate Scorpius? Because of Scorpius’ dad?” he asked, desperate to move the conversation to safer pastures.

His mother tilted his head and shook her head slightly. “Ron doesn’t hate Scorpius, he doesn’t even hate Draco Malfoy… he just… Draco was part of a gang of Slytherins when your father and Ron and Hermione and I were at school, and they loathed each other.”

“But Dad is fine with Scorpius-” James started.

“Yes, but your father is a lot less…” she grimaced at James, seeming to grope around for words. “Ron is ridiculous sometimes, and Malfoy bullied us about being poor…and then during the war…” her eyes grew distant for a moment. “Still, let’s see where those two have gone off to shall we?”

As she rose, the back door opened, and Rose and Scorpius entered.

“Where’re Al and Lily?” Rose asked, sitting beside James.

Ginny rolled her eyes and flicked her wand, summoning a stack of pasties from the counter. “I’ve sent them to their rooms for the next five minutes to calm down.”

Scorpius grimaced and looked politely at Ginny. “Do you mind if I go talk to Albus?”

“Be my guest dear,” Ginny said, smiling brightly as she absently summoned plates for the pasties.

Scorpius disappeared up the stairs and Ginny looked at Rose. “So, had fun today then dear?” she asked.

James smothered a smile, and focused on his pasty as Rose turned a delicate shade of pink.

“I… uh…” Rose began.

“Oh come on Rosie,” James said sweetly, “You haven’t gotten blown away today?”

She stared at him with a gaping mouth for a moment. “I knew you had something to do with that wind!”

Ginny lifted her eyebrows questioningly and looked at James beadily.

James smiled blandly and shrugged. “I was sitting in the big ash tree out back, when Rose and Scorpius came out, and I decided to pay her back for putting Bolivian Vanishing Powder in my cereal yesterday.”

Ginny rolled her eyes, turned back to Rose. “So, what exactly happened today then?”

Rose’s ears went pink. “Al may have err… interrupted Scorp and I…”

“Snogging?” James supplied helpfully.

Rose made a face at him, while Ginny barely managed to keep her amusement in check.

“So, Albus is feeling peevish because he thinks he’s a third-wheel?” Ginny asked.

Rose sighed. “Pretty much, I mean, it’s not like we mean to, but occasionally…” she fell silent as Lily entered the room.

“I apologised to Albus,” she said, rolling her eyes, sitting down next to her mother.

“Did he apologise as well?” Ginny asked, eyeing her daughter.

Lily shrugged uncaringly. “He called me a slut and threw a vase at my head? So I guess, sure why not?”

James lifted her eyebrows at her. “He threw a vase at your head?”

She shrugged and bit into a pastie, making a blissful face. “It’s not even me he’s pissed at is it, so why take it personally?”

“Err… because he ditched a vase at your head?” Rose asked.

“Which he and I will have words about,” Ginny said, her eyes glittering in a way which sent chills down James’ spine.

“Yes, but he’s really only fighting with me because he’s scared you and Scorpius aren’t going to want to be friends with him anymore, isn’t he?” Lily said, looking at Rose.

“That’s such a stupid thing to think though!” Rose exploded.

James smiled ruefully to himself. “So? When has the inherent stupidness of a thought ever stopped someone from thinking it?”

“Inherent stupidness?” Lily mouthed at him, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Especially in the Potter family,” Ginny added, pretending to duck from invisible blows as James and Lily rolled their eyes at her.

Further conversation was stopped by the arrival of Scorpius and Albus into the kitchen.

Albus sighed dramatically as he sat down next to Ginny, and Scorpius’ face was a tad pink as he sat next to Rose. James smothered a smirk – Albus was quite obviously sheepish.

“I’m sorry I chucked a vase at your head,” he mumbled at Lily, without looking.

“That’s okay brother dearest,” she forgave him grandly. “It’s not like I’ve never thrown a piece of antique furniture at your head.”

“Well… thanks,” Albus said, smiling at her.

“Merlin’s Teeth,” James thought to himself. “Don’t fall for that Albus Potter, she’s going to bribe Evan, or Fiana, or even me to get you back with magic.”

“So…” Scorpius started awkwardly.

“When does Evan get back from Italy?” Ginny asked pleasantly.

James smiled pleasantly at his mother. “It was meant to be Sunday, but I talked to him yesterday, and he kind of sounded like he was getting a bit bored of being woken up at five o’clock in the morning by an ‘utterly psychotic German housekeeper’ and that he might come home tonight.”

“How about Fi and Cass?” Lily asked, grinning impishly.

James rolled her eyes. “Cassie’s still in St Mungo’s, getting her memories re-assembled,” he said, shrugging slightly. “Fi’s in Scotland, visiting her great-aunt Margaret.”

“Why is Cassie getting her memories reassembled?” Scorpius asked curiously.

“Yes, I didn’t quite get the full of that,” Ginny said, said with interest.

“On the train home,” James said with a roll of his eyes. “We found out that Cassie’s been modifying her memories so she can remember more times with Celeste.”

The rest of the table gasped simultaneously.

“But memory modification doesn’t work like that!” Ginny cried.

“Why would she do that?” Scorpius said, now completely pale.

“People do all sorts of weird things for love,” Albus said cryptically.

There was a long pause.

“So, are they going to be coming up?” Lily asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” James shrugged. “Ev and Fi anyway.”

“There’s one thing I’ve always wondered,” Rose said, obviously wanting to continue the change of subject. “Why do you guys never go stay at Evan’s?”

Across the table, Lily rolled her eyes, and James smirked at her before turning back to Rose. “Fiana,” he said simply.

“I beg your pardon?” Rose asked in confusion.

“She likes books,” Albus added, helpfully.

“So?” Scorpius asked.

“The Dyer’s library is–”

“Monsterous?” Albus asked.

“Terrifying, yet beautiful,” Lily added.

“Like the Dyer’s themselves,” Albus nodded sagely.

“What?” Rose said, her obvious irritation growing.

“The Dyer’s have a very big house, which includes a very big library,” James said, smiling at his cousin.

“A three-level library, complete with a ceiling painted to depict a moving battle of Troy, to be more exact,” Lily added.

James rolled his eyes at his siblings. “And the library has thousands of books, and Fiana loves books so…”

Ginny sighed. “What they’re trying to say is that it can be a bit hard to get Fiana to remember to do things–”

“Like eat,” Lily smirked.

“And sleep,” Albus nodded.

“And breath,” James added.

“Yes,” Ginny persevered. “Plus, we always like having them come to stay.”

“Bring on Monday then,” James said, staring out the window.

*

“It’s good to be home,” Evan thought calmly, as he padded from the bathroom to his bedroom, ignoring the sound of Wonky chasing after Funky cackling gleefully in her usual pre-August madness. There was definitely, in Evan’s opinion, something delightful about the prospect of not being woken at ridiculous times in the morning by psychotic and slightly terrifying German maids that made a boy appreciate his home.

All thoughts of appreciation however, vanished as he entered his bedroom to find that his bed was missing.

“LEAH?” he yelled, hoping she’d hear him from down the hall.

“What?” she replied after several moments.

“Can you come here for a sec?”

There was another momentary pause. “Why?”

“I need your help with something!” he yelled back, walking through the space where his bed had, until recently, been.

“I’m busy,” she called back testily.

Evan sighed, and walked to the door of his suite, compensating for a distant rumbling in the distance. “Have you seen my bed?”

“Your what?” Eleanor asked after another moment.

“My bed!”

“Your bed?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Yes Eleanor, my bed. The quaint device many people use for sleeping and what have you–”

“Keep your robes on, how the bloody hell would I know anything about your bloody–” she appeared behind him, and stared for a moment. “Your bed is missing.”

“Yes, I did sort of notice that.”

Eleanor stood perfectly still in the doorway for a moment, staring. “When did you last see it?”

“Well, I got up, had a shower, got dressed, and came back and it was gone,” Evan replied.

Eleanor stepped forward and walked through the space previously occupied by the bed, scratching her head. “Well, it’s not invisible so… Wonky?”

“I think so,” Evan agreed.

“We should– okay seriously what is that noise?” Eleanor asked, going to the window.

Evan tilted his head and listened, to the increasing rumbling noise in the distance. For a moment confusion clouded his mind, until he was hit with a sudden burst of realisation. “Come stand next to me,” he said, as he slowly began to chuckle.

“Why?” Eleanor asked, complying.

“Because this will be so much funnier if both of us can see it?”

Eleanor looked at him with obvious puzzlement, but Evan merely smiled and pressed his index-finger to his lips.

After several moments the rumbling noise increased, until quite suddenly, Evan’s bedroom window blew open and James Potter came into view on his motorcycle. Grinning impishly, James waved, and then launched himself through the window – landing in a heap where the bed had previously been.

“What the–” James started, causing Evan and Eleanor burst into gales of laughter.

“Uh, I don’t mean to ruin all the fun,” James said, somewhat grumpily. “But where exactly is your bed Ev?”

Still laughing Evan stepped forward and offered his hand to help James up. “Honestly Jamie, we were just trying to figure that out.”

“What do you mean you were just trying to figure it out?” James asked, taking Evan’s hand, and standing unsteadily.

“Well, we were just standing here, wondering where the bloody hell Nico’s bed had gone, when you flew through the window,” Eleanor replied with an impish grin.

“But why is the bed gone?”

“We’ve no idea,” Evan shrugged unconcernedly. “I’m sure it’ll turn up.”

“So…” Eleanor started. “I might go bribe the house-elves with lurid clothing to see if they know where your bed is?”

Evan grinned at her, severely thankful his Eleanor at least, was far more tactful and less interfering than the Albus and Lily.

“So, how’ve you been?” James asked nonchalantly, leaning against the wall.

“Oh, you know,” Evan replied. “I just escaped what is unfortunately the saner set of grandparents, and their ridiculous house keeper.”

“Two days earlier than you were meant to,” Evan added, grinning.

“Well, English Friday’s are much better than Italian Fridays,” he said, taking a moment to cringe inwardly at the ridiculous statement.

James chuckled and moved closer to Evan. “Well, you’re back now.”

“I am,” Evan agreed, looking directly at James.

James flushed slightly, and placed a hand on Evan’s hip, pulling him closer.

“Hi,” Evan said quietly.

“Hi yourself,” James smirked back, before leaning forward to engulf Evan in a kiss.

Evan felt his body tingle, a feeling that intensified as James’ tongue slithered into his mouth. In retaliation, Evan moved his hands down James’ back, and began exploring Jame’s mouth with his own tongue. Kissing James was different than kissing other boys – less of a melding, more of a battle, filled with clashing teeth, sharp breaths and bites.

How long they stood there, wrapped in one another’s arms, Evan didn’t know, but eventually James pulled back with a shuddering breath and ran his hands through his hair. “So uh, that was quite a welcome,” he said, still breathless.

Evan smiled slightly, and brushed his hand along James’ back. “Glad to see you I guess?”

James smiled smugly and ran his hand up Evan’s chest. “It’s a shame your bed’s gone,” he said, winking suggestively.

“Down boy,” Evan laughed. “What are you doing here anyway, I hadn’t even texted you to tell you I’m here.”

James shrugged grandly. “Fiana mentioned that she talked to you on the floo last night, and you said you’d be getting home this morning.”

Evan felt his eyebrows rising slightly. “So you decided to just ride over on your bike and hope for the best or what? Also, where did your bike go? Also, why didn’t you just apparate?”

James rolled his eyes. “What’s with the continual ‘also’, you’ve been speaking German too long.”

“Not the point James,” Evan said, poking the other boy in the stomach.

James sighed. “Fine, I may have also left because Albus somehow managed to smuggle a Jarvey into the house.”

Evan burst out laughing and led James by the hand out into the sitting room and pulled him onto a sofa. “How did he manage that?”

“I don’t even know,” James replied settling onto the sofa and pulling Evan onto his lap and nuzzling into his neck.

“So what happened with the Jarvey?”

James looked up at Evan and grinned. “Well, when dad came into Al’s room this morning and found a giant ferret, screaming profanity at him, he got a little bit annoyed, and it sort of went downhill from there.”

Evan shook his head, and shivered and James resumed kissing his neck.

“Did you see Cassie much while I was away?” Evan asked.

“Mmph,” James murmured noncommittally as his hands rode underneath Evan’s shirt.

“Because I was talking to Fi about her last night, and apparently Cass’s getting a hell of a lot better, and they’ve managed to restore about eighty percent of her memories. Also, uh, we, uh… We also sort of pinpointed when we think she started modifying her memories – around the end of fifth year, what do you think?”

“Mmm,” James murmured again, his stubble rubbing against Evan’s skin.

“And uh, we were also talking, is it still, uh, okay, if we, uh, on Monday if we, uh…”

James looked up at him and smirked. “You’re babbling,” he said, his voice slightly husky.

Squirming slightly, Evan moved a hand under James’ shirt, thumbing along the other boys abdominals. James grinned in response, and pulled Evan in for a tongue-filled kiss. After a moment however, Evan’s neck began to ache thanks to the awkward angle, so he stood up.

“Why?” James asked somewhat plaintively.

Evan just grinned, and pushed James lengthways across the sofa, before lying on top of him and biting into his neck.

“Merlin’s bloody teeth,” James swore, writhing beneath Evan. Smiling to himself, Evan kissed lightly across James’ jaw, and then down the other side of his neck, uniquely aware of the growing hardness being pushed against his stomach.

James moaned, and wrapped his arms around the small of Evan’s back. “Do you like that?” Evan whispered.

“Yes,” James breathed, before engulfing James in another heated round of kissing.

Things would have progressed further, had it not been for the arrival of Elijah, heralded by a knock at the door.

“Nico?” Elijah called genially. “You wouldn’t be missing your bed would you?”

Sighing, Evan sat up, eliciting a groan of annoyance from James.

“Just ignore him,” James pleaded.

“He won’t go away, particularly since he doesn’t know you’re here, so there wouldn’t be any reason for him to,” Evan replied quietly, before clambering off James and walking to the door. “Hi Eli,” Evan said warily as he opened the door.

“Hi,” Elijah said, still thoroughly amused. “I just ran into your bed in the library – literally ran into it, and I thought you might be missing it since–” he stopped suddenly, noticing the James’ dishevelled form standing next to the lounge.

“Hi Eli,” James said, somewhat sheepishly.

Elijah turned to look at Evan with wide eyes. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be a cock-block! I’ll leave you two alone and go, I don’t know; drown myself in a vat of cheese now.”

Evan laughed. “Its fine, you didn’t do it on purpose. Where did you say my bed was?”

“On the ceiling in the library,” Elijah answered.

“Wait,” James asked, walking over to them. “Didn’t you say you ran into it?”

Elijah grinned and nodded and pointed at his shoes. “Nico enchanted my shoes with an anti-gravity spell.”

“You got that to work?” James asked, impressed.

“Priorities James, can you help me get my bed back?”

“Why am I helping you find your bed?” James asked, somewhat petulantly.

Evan gave James his most vapid, wide-eyed look. “Well, because I thought that maybe after we found it, I’d let you do things to me in it.”

Elijah cracked up laughing and jumped out into the hallway floating to towards the ceiling. “Follow me,” he called back over his shoulder.

“Your family is bloody ridiculous, I know that’s hypocritical, but it’s the honest to Godric truth,” James muttered, as they made their way towards the library, following Elijah’s hoots and whoops.

When they reached the library, they found Eleanor staring at the bed, with the House Elf, Twinky in toe.

“Guess who I found staring at your bed and cackling to herself?” Eleanor asked by way of greeting.

“Oh I don’t know, Wonky?” Evan replied sarcastically, as Elijah launched himself towards the roof.

“Very funny,” Leah replied, rolling her eyes.

Evan turned to the demure-looking elf, and frowned. “Did you move my bed Twinky?”

“I did be doing that Master, yes,” she replied in a squeaky voice.

“Err, why?” James asked, intrigued despite himself.

“Because,” Twinky said earnestly. “I wanted to show Master that I could be helpful!”

“By sticking my bed to the ceiling?” Evan asked uncertainly.

“Yes, Master! Mistress Dyer commented today that she would be displeased if you were to spend all day sleeping, so I thought it would be best to hide your bed.”

Evan looked at the elf with consternation for a moment. It wasn’t so much that she had decided to ‘help’ him in such a bizarre manner, but more that she had decided to help him at all; after all for most of his life, Twinky had made it her mission to annoy Evan and his brothers wherever she could.

“Why are you helping me though?” he asked her finally.

She looked up at him with her large bulbous eyes and shivered. “Because, Master is the one who will be deciding whether I is staying or going!” she said squeakily.

“Oh… I’d forgotten about that,” Eleanor said, her eyes suddenly twinkling.

“What?” James asked.

“So had I, actually,” Evan admitted.

“Forgot what?” James asked again.

Twinky looked at Evan earnestly. “Twinky is being sorry for any misunderstandings!”

“Nawww, look how cute she is!” Eleanor said, only partly sarcastic.

“Oh fine, everyone ignore James,” James huffed.

“What?” Evan asked.

“What?” James mimicked back.

“Is he pre-menstral?” Twinky asked, concern showing on her features.

James’ look of mingled shock and outrage proved too much for Evan, who collapsed onto a settee in a fit of giggles, followed shortly by Eleanor, eliciting amused looks from the Sphinx who was busily shelving books nearby.

“I’m a boy!” James said defensively. “You must know that! I’ve been here like a hundred times!”

“Oh, begging the master’s forgiveness!” Twinky cried. “Human’s all seem very strange to us sometimes!”

Gasping for breath, Evan sat up and grinned at Evan. “Remember I was telling you at Christmas how Gene had to send me all my clothes after I got to Michaels?”

“No, but go on,” James said, his tone definitely miffed.

“Well Boris mentioned that he has a sister who could replace Twinky here,” he continued, ignoring Twinky’s shrill cry of terror.

“And Dad said Evan could decide,” Eleanor said, tearing her eyes off her twin, who was doing somersaults on the ceiling.

“Only, I forgot,” Evan said, turning to address Twinky. “Because, well, you’ve always been here,” he said to her. “And I wouldn’t get rid of you, because this is your home.”

With a cry of joy, Twinky threw herself at Evan, clinging to his middle and sobbing messily. At the same time, his bed disappeared with a loud crack. “There there,” Evan said awkwardly, rolling his eyes at the amused looks that James, Eleanor and Elijah were giving him.

“Oh, thank you Master!” Twinky sobbed, “You won’t regret this! I’ll help you wherever I can!”

“Does anyone else get the feeling I’m going to regret this?” Evan asked plaintively, looking at the others.

*

A breeze was blowing quietly through Evan’s bedroom window, making the curtains billow slightly. The wind had a way of billowing the curtains in the mid-afternoon that Evan had always particularly enjoyed, partly because it was soothing, but mostly because it irritated people.

“Your eyes are very grey,” James murmured from beside Evan, startling him out of his reverie.

“I know,” Evan said simply, moving slightly under the sheets.

“You’re also very naked,” James continued, a smile playing across his lips.

Evan laughed, and adjusted himself until he was lying against James’ chest, dreamily drawing circles with his fingers on the expanse of James’ leg not under the sheets. “You did sort of help with the nakedness,” he said at last.

“Oh don’t get me wrong,” he said with a chuckle that made his chest vibrate slightly under Evan’s head. “I rather enjoy your nakedness, I was just pointing it out.”

Evan smiled slightly, and listened to the sound of the wind.

“I never would have pegged you as a biter you know,” James continued on conversationally.

“I told you Jamie, I like biting, it’s like kissing, only there’s a winner.”

“You’re quoting that from somewhere,” James accused.

“I am,” Evan agreed, smiling as the wind billowed the curtains. “Besides, I would never have pegged you for a moaner,”

James spluttered in protest. “I was enjoying it, what did you want me to do, lay there like some 00s porn star?”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Evan said, grinning. “You make just the right level of noise to make a boy feel good about himself, but I always thought the tall, strapping Quidditch players were all silent during sex,”

James chose to loftily ignore Evan’s comment, and focus on wrapping an arm around Evan’s chest whilst inspecting the bite marks on his own chest, neck and jaw with his free hand. “Mum and Lily are going to have a field day with these, you know,” he complained. “Do you really have to bite me? I mean, it is hot at the time but…” he left the rest of the sentence hanging, probably due to the fact that Evan had reached into the sheets and taken hold of something that was most definitely not a wand. “Gnnnrghh?” James finished weakly.

“I can stop biting you I suppose,” Evan said, grinning wickedly. “But only if we stop having sex. I really can’t help it for some reason.”

“I suppose I can live with it, particularly if you keep letting me do those sorts of things to you,” James said, moving his hand suggestively down Evan’s chest.

“Hmmm…” Evan murmured. “I suppose I’ll let you, occasionally.”

James made a happy rumbling sound in his chest, and began moving his hand further down Evan’s torso. Evan felt himself shivering slightly.

Predictably, Eleanor chose this exact moment to knock on the door.

“I don’t mean to interrupt your ‘quality hang-out time’,” she said, the inverted commas in her speech clearly discernable through solid wood. “But Mum’s going to be home in about half an hour, and she’ll probably freak a little if she finds you two getting carnal.”

Evan sighed, and moved to get up. “She’s right,” he said, ignoring James’ piteous expression. 

“But… I was just getting comfortable,” James complained, as he grumpily rose and began to dress.

There was a sigh through the door. “Yes, but you probably wouldn’t be as comfortable with a wand rammed up your–”

“Leah,” Evan said warningly.

“Hey, let us remember what happened to Eugene,” she called back, mirth obvious in her voice.

The next moment, Elijah’s voice could be heard in the distance. “Hey, what’re you guys doing?”

“Go away unless you’re going to help mock James,” Eleanor replied.

“I don’t want to mock James, I like James,” Elijah shot back hotly.

“I always knew you were a good sort Eli,” James called smugly through the door.

“Toss off brother-fucker,” Elijah replied happily.

Evan was silently wondering what on earth could possibly happen next, when his phone rang. It was Fiana.

“Hello?” he asked, shooing a half dressed James towards the door as though Fiana could actually see him.

“Evan, what are you doing tonight?” she asked, somewhat plaintively.

“Uh, not much, why?”

“My parents appear to be having dragon haggis,” she replied, sounding utterly revolted.

“Dragon haggis?”

“Dragon haggis.”

“Dragon haggis?”

“Evander!”

“Hey, at least they haven’t decided to become nudists,” he said, a hint of laughter colouring his voice.

“EVANDER!”

“Right! Sorry! Just… now I know why your parents are insane, but not as insane as Cassie’s,” he said, attempting not to laugh at the expressions on James and Eleanor’s face. “Do you want to come for dinner here then? It’d make us going to James’ tomorrow easier anyway.”

*

Dinner that night was suspiciously festive.

As soon as she arrived, Fiana drew Evan into a hidden alcove and stared at him accusingly. “You’ve had sex!” she said at last.

“Do we have to do this every time I hop on the good–”

Fiana gave him a pained expression. “Please don’t finish that sentence, and stop changing the subject. You had sex.”

“Yes,” Evan agreed, pouting slightly, “With James.”

“Merlin’s teeth,” Fiana sighed, covering her eyes. “That is not a mental image that I needed to have.”

Evan grinned at her impishly “Hey, you’re the one who dragged me in here to re-enact a scene from a muggle comedy.”

“That’s completely beside the point,” she said, smoothing her dress.

Evan rolled his eyes at her. “Is it, is it really?”

James poked his head into the alcove. “Are you two necking in here or something?”

Evan exchanged a mystified look with Fiana. “Who the hell uses the term ‘necking’ these days?”

“Yes Potter, what’s up with that?” Fiana added.

James lifted an eyebrow and looked at both of them. “Your mum says dinner’s ready Ev,” was all he said, before grinning and disappearing again.

Fiana looked steadily at Evan. “He’s going to insufferable now that he’s got you, you realise that don’t you?”

Evan sighed and nodded. “I’ll try and keep him distracted–”

“What, by necking him all the time?” she asked with a hint of a laugh in her voice.

“Hey, don’t mock that which you have not tried,” Evan said, the ghost of a smile playing across his lips. “Besides, I was thinking also more… carnal things.”

Fiana covered her eyes again. “I am so innocent and pure, why did I have to become friends with a group of immoral sluts?”

 “Because you are neither innocent, nor pure, and never have been,” he said, feeling a giggle rise in his throat.

“I am offended by the veracity of your words sir,” she said, grinning at him.

“EVANDER NICODEMUS DYER?” his mother’s voice echoed through the hall.

“Yeah we should probably go and eat now.”

They walked across the entranceway, bickering amicably. When they arrived at the dining room, they found not just James, Eleanor, Elijah, and Evan’s parents, but also Eugene and Sarah as well.

“What are you doing here?” Evan asked cheerfully as he sat down next to James.

“Oh that’s lovely that is,” Sarah said in mock offence. “Not even a hello!”

Evan grinned toothily at her and blew her a kiss. “What I meant to say was–”

“What, you didn’t mean to say ‘what the hell are you doing here’?” Eugene asked with surprise.

“Now, now, Eugene dear,” Sigrid said calmly. “There’s no need to be a prat.”

“Oh but he makes such a good prat mother,” Eleanor purred from beside Fiana.

“Well, at least I’m not some mouthy wench,” Eugene lobbed back.

“Mouthy wench, really Eugene?” Sarah asked calmly. “Someone who consumed a bottle of firewhiskey, got kicked out of a supermarket, and then turned his pants into jelly-fish shouldn’t be so quick to judge, wouldn’t you think.”

“Oh Eugene… Again?” Sigrid asked sadly.

“Didn’t you turn your pants into ice once?” Fiana archly asked a blushing Eugene.

“No, he turned half of them into ice,” Sarah corrected.

Eleanor grinned evilly. “Couldn’t even finish the job.”

“Would you like to play some more dear?” Sigrid asked

“Ah no, I don’t think so,” Eugene said carefully.

“One for their side I’d say,” Elijah murmured.

“I’d say so yes,” Evan murmured back.

“Definitely,” James added, “Maybe even two.”

There was a moment of contemplative silence, before Erasmus cleared his throat. “Are we done now?” he asked sardonically. “All the sniping and bitchy comments over for the meal?”

Elijah opened his mouth, “Well–” he began, before Evan, sensing trouble, dug his foot into his brother’s leg. “Of course!” Elijah finished lamely, turning to pout at Evan.

The exchange had not gone unnoticed around the table – Evan received and approving nod from his mother and a grin from Sarah.

“So, what should we talk about?” Erasmus asked, as the Skanky the cook-elf brought the first course out.

“Well…” Eugene began, looking at Sarah shyly.

“Now?” she asked, her cheeks reddening.

“Why not?” Eugene replied, grabbing her hand.

Evan exchanged an exasperated expression with his mother and sister.

“What are you talking about?” James asked curiously, as he buttered a bread roll.

“Well, last weekend, Sarah and I went to visit Grandfather in Australia…”

“Yes, we know dear,” Sigrid said.

“Get to the point already son,” Erasmus added.

Evan looked down at his plate, grinning. He had a rather sneaking suspicion that he knew exactly what this announcement entailed, and the look on his sister’s face seemed to indicate that she too had a faint idea.

“Well, when we were in Sydney, we decided to climb the Harbour Bridge…” Sarah started, her cheeks still slightly pink.

“And when we got to the top,” Eugene said, his face splitting into a massive grin. “I proposed.”

There was an explosion of sound from the table, as every began congratulating them at once. For his part, Evan let the noise continue for a while before grinning at his brother and future sister-in-law, and raised his glass.

“A toast,” he called, capturing everyone’s attention. “To Eugene and Sarah, may they find eternal happiness!”

“Here, here,” the Dyers, Fiana, and James called heartily.

“And now,” Erasmus said calmly, let’s eat and be merry.

“So, did you know Eugene was going to propose?” James asked curiously, drawing Fiana, and his sibling’s attention.

Evan grinned and nodded. “I didn’t know when, but I helped him pick out the ring last year.” He turned to look at his sister. “You looked like you knew what was happening as well.”

She shrugged. “I snooped through his bag for Sarah before they left!”

Evan and Elijah laughed heartily, while James and Fiana looked torn between amusement and consternation.

“I’m assuming she payed you for it?” Elijah asked his sister in an undertone.

“She certainly did not,” Eleanor replied sanctimoniously. “As my future sister-in-law, I felt it was my duty to aid her in her query.”

Evan raised his eyebrows and surreptitiously glanced over at Eugene, Sarah, and his parents who were heavily involved in a discussion about possible wedding locations. Satisfied he turned back to sister and grinned. “The fact that you of course wanted to snoop was not at all a factor in your decision-making process?”

“Why Evander,” she sniffed. “What a thing to suggest. I’m hurt, deeply wounded in fact, by your utterly preposterous yet unfortunately correct accusations.”

“He does have a penchant for making awkwardly correct observations from time to time,” Fiana said blandly.

“Let us all remember the incident with the goat,” James added in a similarly bland tone.

Elijah and Eleanor turned to Evan with interest.

“I do hate you both, so very much,” Evan said to Fiana and James, who both bore identical smirks.

“Thanks Dyer, we love you too,” James replied breezily.

“What ‘incident with the goat’ Nico?” Elijah asked curiously.

“What’s this about goat?” Erasmus asked from across the table.

“We were just discussing the possible culinary applications of goat,” Evan lied glibly.

“Goat based curries, that sort of thing,” Eleanor added.

“I didn’t think Hogwarts served such exotic fair,” Sigrid said, frowning slightly.

“We bribed the House-elves,” Fiana replied.

“With butter,” Elijah added unnecessarily.

“Yes, with butterbeer,” Evan finished, kicking his brother under the table.

There was a moment of deafening of silence, before Sarah came to their rescue. “I do remember a couple of the house-elves liking butterbeer, although I don’t know how good it is for them.”

“Yes, it hits them much the same way that alcohol hits a human or centaur,” Sigrid added, continuing to frown at them.

Evan groaned internally and glanced at Fiana, who assumed her most heart wrenchingly demure expression and bowed her head slightly. “We didn’t know that,” she lied. “We’ll stop straight away.”

“Uh… so, anyway,” Eugene said quietly, does anyone want to come help Cat move into his new apartment with me tomorrow?”

Eleanor and Elijah exchanged glances. “We uh… have…” Elijah started.

“Absolutely nothing to do, didn’t you say?” Erasmus rumbled good-naturedly.

“I… yes, alright, sure,” Elijah finally groaned.

Evan hid a smirk behind his hand; his parents were good.

“What about you Leah?” Sarah asked, “Will you help me watch the boys do all the work?”

“That sounds quite delightful actually,” Eleanor said, grinning prettily.

Evan sat up slightly as his brother’s gaze fell on him. “What about you Nico?” Eugene asked hopefully, no doubt wishing for another wand to help in the moving process.

“Sorry old chap,” Evan said with vast insincerity. “Unfortunately Fi and James and I have already made plans to go visit Cassie in St Mungo’s.”

“He’s right unfortunately,” James added promptly – to Evan’s vast relief. “It’s basically criminal that we’ve only seen her once over the summer so far. In fact, Fi threatened to hex me a face full of zits if we don’t go tomorrow.”

“It’s true,” Fiana said, taking up the narrative. “Violence is my preferred method.”

“So as much as I’d dearly love to come and help shift crap and listen to you and dear Christopher bicker, I can’t,” Evan continued, silently thanking providence for delivering him such amazing friends. “As stern duty to Cassie, and more importantly, James’ face compels me to decline.”

“Really?” Sarah said sardonically.

“Absolutely,” Evan confirmed. “It’s a wonderful face; I’d hate to see Fiana ruin it.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t love me if my face was covered in pimples?” James cried in mock-outrage, causing his parents to burst into laughter.

Evan looked at him with consideration for a moment. “Approximately, yes.”

“Well, that settles it,” Fiana finished grandly. “In order to save this fledging romance, it is Evan’s duty to regretfully decline your invitation Eugene.”

Eugene stared at them with a expression of equal parts amusement and consternation. “Couldn’t you just… not hex his face?”

Fiana lent back in her chair, and considered the question for a moment. “No,” she said firmly, after a moment. “I’m afraid if I relented from my reign of righteous terror, there’d be no saving these two.”

“Absolutely,” Evan agreed solemnly.

“Without Fiana’s influence it’s entirely possible that we would degenerate to savagery, you know: gluing things to the ceiling…”

“Drinking more than three milkshakes a day,” Evan added.

“Turning people into bears,” James agreed.

“You three give me a headache,” Sigrid sighed.

Chapter 16: It's always the orang-utan.

Summary:

In which there is orang-utans, a number of possibly ominous letters, a nod to the past, a very goatish revelation, and a healthy whiff of nepotism.

The problem with St Mungo’s, Evan mused, as he, Fiana, and James, trotted down St John street in busy inner-London, was that it was so damned hard to get to. For reasons known only to the hospital administrators, only injured people and trained Healers were allowed to apparate inside the hospital. Unfortunately for everyone else, the entrance to the refurbished-hospital was still the somewhat dilapidated front of appropriately named Purge and Dowse department store.

“I always wonder,” James panted as they neared their goal. “What the muggles must think when there’s a magical emergency – thirty or forty people, undoubtedly oddly dressed, milling around in front of old shop.”

“Probably that they’re involved in one of those sudden-mobiles or whatever those things that have become popular again are called,” Fiana offered, somewhat crossly.

Evan remained silent, not wishing to involve himself in another round of the dispute between the two which had begun more than an hour earlier when Fiana had decided – despite Evan’s mild objections – that it would be better to walk from Dyer House rather than simply apparate nearby the hospital, or at the very least, take the tube. Forty minutes into the walk, Fiana had begun to make rather pointed comments about the possibility that Evan should have been more insistent in his affirmation that it would not take fifteen minutes to reach their destination, but closer to ninety. James of course, had jumped to Evan’s defence – replying with similarly acerbic comments about people who didn’t listen to good advice when they were given it. London being London, it was at this point that it had started to rain.

Thus it was with some relief that they finally approached the large window of Purge and Dowse, manned by a group of mannequins dressed in such an outdated fashion that their outfits were almost fashionable again.

The three of them stood, Evan eyeing the mannequins, and Fiana and James arguing over whether ‘flash-mobs’ were in fact called ‘sudden-mobiles’ or ‘abrupt-hordes’. After several moments of bickering, Evan leant forward and spoke quietly to the front mannequin. “Evander Dyer, Fiana Hayden, and James Potter here to see Cassandra Evangeline McCallister.”

There was a momentary pause as the mannequin apparently verified this information. Finally, Evan felt the hum of magic go through the glass, and the mannequin winked and beckoned them forward. Nodding, Evan grabbed James and Fiana’s elbows and pulled them through into the reception area.

Once through, they were confronted by the sight of dozens of people with bizarre injuries being questioned by trainee healers.

“Woah,” James said quietly. “It looks busy, could take as a while to get directions.” Evan was just about to agree when he heard someone call his name. Turning, he saw Martha Conyngham coming towards him, smiling slightly.

“I thought it was you,” she said her face splitting into a grin. “Your brother told me to look out for you.”

“Oh hey Martha,” Evan said, feeling himself smiling in return. “You talk to my brother now?”

Martha nodded. “You’re brother’s cool,” she said, before looking inquiringly at James and Fiana, who were at least no longer bickering.

“Oh, this is James and Fiana,” Evan said, indicating his friends. “We’re here to see our friend Cassie on the fourth floor.”

“Aha I see,” she said, her eyes twinkling. “Well if you follow me, I’ll get Astrid to sign you in, and you can go up and see your friend.”

Nodding stupidly, Evan followed, hoping that Martha wouldn’t mention Michael – who had heard more from James over the holidays than Evan. Thankfully however, she merely deposited them in front of a desk with an efficient looking receptionist, gave Evan a quick hug, and disapparated.

A surprisingly short amount of time later, they were past the reception area, and travelling up the moving staircase to the fourth floor.

When they disembarked, they were faced by another, far smaller lobby, manned by a particularly bored looking witch engrossed in The Potion Master’s Wife – one of Rita Skeeta’s trashy witch-lit novels.

“Uh, we’re here to see Cassie McAllister,” Fiana said uncertainly.

Without looking up, the witch pointed to her right and continued reading. James visibly bristled, and moved forward to the reception desk and rang the bell loudly, causing the witch to look up startled.

“Hi,” James said in a distinctly patronising tone, before leaning forward to make a show of reading her name tag. “Louise is it? I’m James, this is Evan, and the small blonde one is Fiana, but you can call her ‘The One Who Is Likely to Permanently Hex Me If I’m Not Politer’. We’re here to see our friend, do you think you could do your job and direct us to her?”

“About halfway down the hall, on your right. The words ‘Kate Jackson Ward’ right above the door, shouldn’t miss it,” she snapped, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Unless you’re stupid or you can’t read.”

Evan felt his amusement growing – this wasn’t going to end well for Louise.

“Thanks awfully,” Fiana gushed in a deceptively sweet tone. “Fortunately we can read, and unlike you, have taste in the things we read.” Louise the Receptionist made a vague expression somewhere between a grimace and a smile, and Fiana turned and beckoned James and Evan after her.

As they reached the hallway, Evan was struck by a sudden idea, and smirking turned back. “He dies by the way,” he said calmly.

“Excuse me?” Louise asked.

“The main character’s husband in the book you’re reading: after surviving the dragon pox, he’s viciously mauled by the Vicar’s pet orang-utan and dies,” he affirmed, taking in Louise’s outraged expression, and smiling in response. “Have a nice day.”

Smiling to himself, he turned back around and followed James and Fiana – both of whom were smirking – down the hall.

“That was actually quite evil,” James said, unconsciously taking Evan’s hand.

“Yes, I’m quite proud of you dear,” Fiana added, winking at him over her shoulder.

Evan didn’t respond, he was too busy focusing on James’ hand, and the strangely intimate feeling it sent through his body.

“You alright?” James asked quietly, flashing a dimpled smile at Evan.

“Perfect,” Evan replied, grinning back.

“If you two will stop being gag-inducing, I’ve found Cassie’s ward,” Fiana called.

For a moment, neither of them looked away, continuing to grin at each other. Finally, after Fiana suggested they go and do something rude to each other, James looked away, and lightly tugged Evan along behind him.

*

The first sight James saw as he slipped into the Kate Jackson ward with Evan and Fiana was Cassie, ensconced in a large winged arm-chair, looking out the large window to the busy Islington street and it’s throng of Saturday morning shoppers below. Sensing their entry, Cassie turned and pinned them to their spots with a glare of equal parts annoyance and amusement. “You’re late,” she said accusingly.

Amused, James blasted her with a brilliant smile, and tilted his head. “A Wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives exactly when he means to,” he delivered with aplomb.

Fiana groaned, and Evan squeezed his hand in an incredibly distracting manner, Cassie at least, gave an amused nod. “I see a hole in your plan though dear,” she said breaking into a tired grin.

“Oh and what’s that?” Evan asked curiously, dropping James hand and walking over to sit on the arm of Cassie’s chair, giving her a hug in the process.

“Well, I only see two Wizards,” Cassie said, poking her tongue out pointedly at Fiana, who rolled her eyes in response, before sitting on the other arm of the chair, leaving James to sit on what he hoped was Cassie’s bed.

As he leant against the bed, James assumed his best ingratiating expression. “It’s funny you should mention that–” James began, smirking at the still glowering Fiana.

Cassie however, merely held up her hand to silence James, and looked at Evan – the voice of reason.

“So why are you guys late?”

“We decided to walk,” Evan said mildly, not meeting James’ gaze.

Cassie looked slightly perplexed. “Your parent’s house is in Chelsea isn’t it?”

Cassie continued to look at him for a moment longer, before turning to look at Fiana. “Why’d you tell me you were going to be here by nine-thirty and then decide to walk from bloody Belgravia?” she asked.

Fiana instantly jumped on the defensive. “Well I didn’t bloody know it was going to take that long did I? Plus I thought a walk might be nice.”

Cassie continued to stare. “Surely Evan told you it would take longer than fifteen minutes to get from Belgravia to Islington – he comes to London enough.”

Fiana grumbled something unintelligible to herself. James, for once, decided that it would probably be best to remain silent, and nonchalantly took a pack of muggle-playing cards from his pocket and began to shuffle them elaborately.

“What was that?” Cassie asked despairingly. “Why do I suddenly feel like a mother reprimanding her children?”

Evan merely smiled prettily at her, Fiana glowered – although the hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth made James doubt the authenticity of her apparent bad temper.

At last Cassie turned and looked at James, who grinned at her continued shuffling his deck of cards. “Well?” she asked after another moment.

“Well…” James said, adopting the air of a vapid Gentleman of Quality sharing a torrid secret. “Lord Dyer did, in fact mention to Lady Hayden that the stroll from Dyer House to the most esteemed Magical Hospital of St Mungo’s would probably take in the vicinity of one hour and twenty minutes.”

“Did he indeed? Well I don’t find it at all surprising, he isn’t some Cit,” Cassie asked, falling into a corresponding role quite naturally.

For a moment, James’ heart was filled with the joyful recognition of banter that marked the Cassie he’d known in years past, before a quirked eyebrow from Evan brought him back to the present, and he continued on with his role. “Oh certainly, the problem I fear was that Lady Hayden suspected that he was trying to pass off some bouncers to her, so as to avoid walking – as he is rumoured to be quite lazy.”

“Lady Hayden,” Fiana emphasised, “Did in fact exactly think that.”

Cassie gave a despondent, mock sigh. “Such grammatical inexactitude fills me with pain.”

Evan looked at her sombrely for a moment. “Lord Dyer is afraid he must inform the Marchioness of Melodrama that ‘inexactitude’ is not a fact a word.”

Cassandra looked as though she might go into a pretend swoon, so James smoothly stepped in. “How are you feeling anyway Cass? Do you remember everything?”

Cassie squinted at him suspiciously for a second. “Who are you?” she asked mockingly.

“I’m Evan,” James said with aplomb. “I’m the wealthy, dependable, and highly attractive friend.”

“Oh I see,” Cassie said, sounding fascinated. “And you?” she asked, turning to Fiana.

“I’m James, the smartarse with a famous daddy who’s in love with Evan,” Cassie replied.

“So who’s he?” Cassie asked, pointing at Evan.

“That’s Fiana,” James assured her.

“He made us late,” Fiana added.

James felt his chest tighten slightly, and he patted the bed beside him. Evan grinned and ambled over to sit next to him. Once Evan was firmly seated next to him, James took his hand and nuzzled his neck slightly, causing Evan to shiver.

“Err… did I miss an important development?” Cassie asked, eyeing them curiously.

James smirked, and continued to nuzzle into Evan’s neck, making him shiver in an entirely gratifying manner.

“Apparently they’re an item now,” Fiana said, coughing delicately.

“How did that happen?” Cassie asked curiously.

James felt Evan tilt his head slightly. “The usual way – James turned up drunk, declared that I was his TARDIS, and then we snogged.”

“He called you his… TARDIS?” Cassie asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

“Yep,” Evan agreed.

“James,” Cassie asked plaintively. “Why did you call Evan your TARDIS? And can I stop saying TARDIS?”

James looked up at her. “I’ve no idea, I was drunk,” he lied glibly, feeling no need to reveal everything to the girls.

There was a contemplative pause in which the girls no doubt digested the mental image of James calling Evan his TARDIS.

After several moment however, James nonchalantly took out his charmed playing cards – a recent present from his Uncle George – and began expertly shuffling them again. Evan, also apparently bored with the silence, sat up slightly and gazed intently at Cassie.

“So,” he said nonchalantly. “How’re your memories, for real?”

Cassie reddened slightly, but lifted her chin. “They’re going well – about ninety percent returned,” she said calmly. “They’re just having trouble with some of my childhood memories of being bullied, apparently they were the first to be modified.”

James looked at her with amusement, inferring from her remarks that after a session of memory-modification, she would remove the memory of the modification process. In effect this meant that she probably regularly removed various memories for what she thought was the first time, damaging her psyche each time.

A moment later, James’ theory was proven correct when Fiana asked, rather sharply asked what Cassie meant by ‘apparently.’

Cassie looked at her steadily. “Apparently I removed the memories of actually removing the memories – realising each time that the process hadn’t worked like I thought it would, and eventually I’d start removing the false memories that my brain developed to try and cope with the modification process.”

James, noting the delicate look in her eyes, smile breezily at her and put the shuffling cards back in his pocket. “So how have they been restoring your memories then?” he asked, receiving an approving hand squeeze from Evan. “I’ve heard the process isn’t exactly a walk in the park.”

Cassie nodded. “It is. I’ve been working with a memory specialist to help reconstruct my memories through other people’s – and then…” she searched around for an adequate word. “Sieve them… through my anima… or consciousness, so that they reawaken those that I removed.”

“So that’s why they asked us to come in and give all those memories of you growing up then?” Evan asked excitedly.

“Mmhmm,” Cassie agreed.

There was another moment of contemplative silence, before James took out his cards and gave the other three one of his best demented stares. “So,” he said. “Who wants me to teach them how to play Hangman’s Bluff?”

Over the next hour or so, the three of them reacquainted themselves – laughing, talking, and playing cards. The mood in the room was festive, and even the golden light streaming in through the ward window seemed to James’ mind to celebrate the renewal of friendship.

*

Evan awoke slowly, coming back to consciousness piece by piece. He had been dreaming, of all things, about a possessed refrigerator attempting to ask him out on a date. Not exactly the most reassuring glimpse into his subconscious, but nowhere near as melodramatic as his usual fair, so Evan claimed it as a victory.

Yawning ponderously, Evan stretched, and around James’ bedroom, squinting slightly at the Sunday morning light streaming in through the open window. With a contented sigh, he sat up properly and surveyed his sleeping companions. Both James and Louis were still soundly asleep on the other two beds occupying the room.

Not for the first time Evan snorted to himself at the change in sleeping arrangements. While the addition of Louis to James’ bedroom was something of a necessity due to the fact that the Potter house had been descended upon by not only Evan and Fiana, but also by Rose, Hugo and Louis, and eventually Scorpius, Evan was also acutely aware that his presence in James’ bedroom was also something of a politic way for the Potter’s to keep James and Evan chaperoned.

 Smiling to himself, Evan quickly dressed, and headed downstairs, to find Lily, Albus, Rose all sitting around the table, talking nervously.

“Morning all,” Evan said through a yawn, sitting down heavily next to Lily.

“Morning,” she responded, flashing her dimples prettily at him. Albus and Rose didn’t respond – they all looked far too green.

“What’s wrong with them?” Evan asked curiously.

Lily grinned. “They get their OWLs today.”

“Oh that’s right,” Evan murmured, giving the three a sympathetic look.

“Speaking of which,” Harry said, walking into the kitchen, holding a stack of letters. “I was just caught in something of an owl storm,” he added, sitting down next to his son.

Evan was just reaching for his letter when Fiana and James descended the stairs, both yawning.

“Awesome,” James said, sitting next to Evan, and placing his hand on Evan’s thigh. “Our letters are here.”

Fiana said nothing – she didn’t function before eight o’clock in the morning without hot chocolate.

Albus and Rose reached forward and grabbed their letters, their nervousness apparent in the way that the envelopes shook in their hands.

Rolling his eyes at Evan, James reached forward and grabbed both his and Evan’s letters.

The first thing Evan noticed when James passed him the envelope was that it was heavier than usual. This fact sent flutters through his stomach, and with some trepidation, he opened the envelope. Inside, there was the usual book list, a NEWT year information letter, a slip giving Evan permission from Professors White and Longbottom to drop Herbology, and a badge.

Evan, his hands shaking, placed the pile of letters on the table in front of him, oblivious to the jubilation Rose and Albus were displaying over their marks, and picked up the badge. It was the Head Boy badge.

Evan picked it up, and examined it closely. Like the Prefect badges, it was relatively simple: a shield (coloured red for his house), with the letters ‘HB’ picked out in gilt. Evan reached inside the envelope again, and pulled out the last piece of paper.

Dear Evander,

I am pleased to inform you that in the forthcoming school year, you have been selected by the staff and endorsed by your fellow Prefects, to assume the role of Head Boy. I need not remind you that the role of Head Boy is an immense honour.

I would also like to warmly congratulate you on your achievement, and look forward to working more closely with you and our new Head Girl Estora Mackenzie over the coming year. Further communications will follow.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

It took a moment for the contents of the letter to sink in, once again oblivious of James, Lily, and Rose dancing around the kitchen. By the time he’d fully processed the fact that he’d been selected Head Boy, and begun feeling a sense of elation, Lily had slumped back into her seat beside him.

“What’s that?” she asked curiously. Suddenly her eyes filled with surprise. “Is that–?”

“Yep,” Evan nodded.

“What?” James asked, from across the room where he was waltzing with Rose.

“Evan made Head Boy!” Lily crowed, leaning in to hug Evan.

“Congrats Ev,” Albus crowed. Harry, and Rose also congratulated him, Fiana was asleep. Evan’s eyes however were upon only one person: James. James was staring at Evan with a mixture of happiness and fierce pride, a huge grin on his face. For a moment the look filled Evan with joy, and then he recognised the warning signs. Unfortunately for him, he recognised them a second too late, so he was unable to stop James from leaping across the kitchen and knocking him from his chair with a battle cry.

“I’m so proud of you,” James whispered into Evan’s ear, before kissing him on the neck. Lily and Albus catcalled, while Harry looked torn between amusement and consternation, Fiana was still asleep.

“Thank you,” Evan grinned back, before looking up at Albus and Rose. “So how many OWLs did you get?”

“Ten,” Rose declared, grinning victoriously.

“Nine,” Albus, added, supremely pleased with himself.

Evan grinned, genuinely pleased for them. “That’s amazing! I would get up and hug you, but I seem to have contracted some sort of barnacle.”

“A love barnacle?” Lily asked archly.

“Dirty,” Rose said.

“Thank you,” Harry added, thoroughly amused.

James began to chuckle into Evan’s neck, causing Evan to squirm.

“You look so hilariously freaked out right now,” Lily said.

James sighed and got to his feet, dragging Evan with him. “I am proud of you though,” James said earnestly, leaning forward to kiss Evan quickly on the cheek. Evan felt himself blushing, and Lily started giggling.

“Have you opened your letter James?” Harry asked nonchalantly.

James turned and looked at his father with a half-smile. “Not yet,” he said, sitting down and grabbing his letter.

Harry lent forward expectantly as James opened the envelope, pulling out a sheaf of parchment, which he looked through.

Harry looked slightly crestfallen. “Is that all?” he asked quietly.

“As opposed to what?” James asked, staring at his father with amusement.

“Well I… I thought that you might have…”

“Might have what?” Albus asked curiously.

“I thought you might have got the Quidditch Captaincy,” Harry said quietly, still staring at his eldest son.

There was a brief flicker of emotion across James’ face, before he plastered on a big smile and shrugged indolently at his father. “I guess I’m not good enough for the Captaincy,” he said, with a forced air of relaxation.

Evan of course, was too attuned with James to take his words on face value: he was stung by the fact that he hadn’t met his father’s expectations.

“That’s not what I meant James,” Harry said intently. “I just expected- thought, that you might get the Captaincy is all?”

“Why? Because I’m supposed to be exactly like you?” James asked, his hold on his emotions slipping slightly.

“I didn’t say that Jamie–” Harry started.

“I’ll never be the perfect Auror and heir you want dad, you might as well get used to that!” James shouted, surging to his feet, and storming out the back door.

“James!”  Harry shouted. “Get back here, don’t walk away from–” he was caught short by the arrival of Ginny, who was eyeing him beadily.

“What exactly is going on dear?” she asked, somewhat menacingly.

Evan felt an incredibly inappropriate giggle rising in his throat, one that he was actively having to repress. Luckily, Lily saved him in his moment of need and grabbed his hand, leading him up to her bedroom.

Once they reached her room, Lily turned to him and smiled crookidly. “That was… a little exciting.”

Evan nodded, preoccupied with assessing the various changes that had been wrought on the room in the two years since he’d set foot in there. Where once the walls had been painted a somewhat lurid and vibrant shade of dark green and covered in posters, they were now a muted shade of sea green, and mostly covered in large cork boards. The cork boards themselves, were covered in an eye-wrenching collection of maps, photographs, letters, and other pieces of personal paraphernalia that to Evan’s untrained eye, appeared to have no correlation.

“Do you like my boards do you?” Lily asked, jerking Evan out of his inspection.

“You’ve been busy,” Evan replied, smiling at her.

“Enough about that, I have something to show you,” she said, walking over to the large desk, and picked up a sheet of parchment.

Evan raised his eyebrows at her, but remained silent – years of association with James meant that he was more than willing to ride out any of the Potter-bred theatrics she was likely to throw at him.

“Do you remember that time last year, when we got hexed?” she said finally, turning around to look at him.

Evan felt his curiosity heighten. “You mean the time when someone attacked us, and we woke up in the hospital wing covered in curse burns?”

“Yes, that time,” Lily affirmed.

“I do in fact remember that particular moment Lily, yes.”

She smiled tightly at him. “Someone sent me a letter about it.”

“What?” Evan asked.

“I received a letter about it,” Lily confirmed.

“You received a letter about that time we were attacked?”

“Approximately, yes,”

“When did you get it?” Evan asked, shock still radiating through his system.

“About a week ago,”

“About a week ago?”

“You need to stop repeating everything I say Evander, it’s creepy” 

“Sorry,” Evan apologised. “My brain’s just spasming a little. It’s just…”

He couldn’t articulate exactly why he found the thought of someone sending a letter about the attack disturbing, any more than he could explain why he’d attempted to forget the whole incident entirely. It was almost like there was something actively blocking him from thinking rationally about the entire affair.

“Just like you want to forget it ever happened, because you get upset and aggravated when you’re forced to think about it?” Lily asked shrewdly.

Evan looked at her, impressed. “Yes actually.”

“Well then listen to the letter,” she said, handing the letter to Evan. At first, Evan found it hard to read, as it appeared that the author had been forced to actively struggle to write each letter.

Dear Lily,

I would like to begin this letter by telling you how sorry I am for committing the attack on you and Evander. Obviously there is no way that I can convince you of this, but I had no control over my actions. I was compelled to perform various hexes on you by [at this point, the writing became utterly indecipherable, as though the author had lost the ability to write] who has placed me under the Imperius curse. Suffice to say that they believe themselves to be your enemies, although not for the reason’s you would first think.

I have been specifically compelled to not reveal my actions verbally, however I have discovered this loophole. While I cannot say much, know that I am in the same year as Evander, and that I am … I am unable to reveal my name even it seems. But you must think of me as a flower in the Autumn. One last thing, I was compelled to use Compello Angustia on you both.

A friend.

“Wait, ‘I was compelled to use ‘Compello Angustia’ on you’,” Evan said. “That would explain quite a bit.”

Lily gave him an exasperated look. “Do I have to ask what Compello Angustia is or…?”

Evan laughed. “Sorry, it’s a dark magic spell that essentially forces you to…” he looked around, grasping for the right words to describe the spell.

“Forget?” Lily suggested helpfully.

“No,” Evan differed. “It more… compels you to… become distressed when thinking about a particular incident. It’s quite a bit less neat than a simple memory charm, but it seems to meet some deep seated need for ridiculous and convoluted showmanship in dark wizards.”

“That was bitchy,” Lily congratulated. “I liked it.”

“You’re welcome,” Evan said, bowing slightly.

“So can you take the spell off?”

“I’m not sure, probably best to talk to your dad, see’s if he knows any counter-curses.”

“How about we go see him then?” Lily suggested.

“Let’s,” Evan agreed, linking arms with her.

*

James wasn’t sulking. At least, he wasn’t exactly sulking. He was angry, and annoyed, but more than anything else, he was tired. Tired of never quite meeting his father’s expectations, tired of feeling bad for upsetting people by not living up to the image of him they’d built up in their heads, tired of the limitations being placed on his life.

That of course, was why he was sitting on the bank of the small stream that cut through the Potter’s property, dangling his feet in the water and breaking twigs apart piece by piece and throwing them in the stream.

In all of his life, James mused, there were only four things that truly mattered to him: his family, his friends, Evan (who rightly to James’ mind deserved his own category), and Quidditch.

When he was on a broom, all of James’ worries disappeared – all the trivialities, all the expectations, all the dramas shrunk into insignificance, and all that remained was the determination to play to the best of his ability. To this end, despite various rumours to the contrary, James was very much a team player – always focusing very hard on developing good working relationships with his teammates.

Most of all however, James was honest enough with himself to understand that while he possessed an abundance of what his father loved to call ‘leadership potential’, he was perfectly content to follow the captain’s strategies when in the air. That’s probably why he hadn’t even considered the possibility of being made Quidditch captain until his father made his obvious disappointment known. It wasn’t that James was bad at making or enacting strategy – he was quite good – it was more that his main concern was always with his own position as Chaser and what he could do within that position to maximise the possibility of victory.  Being Captain though, was about being in control of the overall strategies and outlook of the team, and James was very much aware that there were other, far more gifted and innovative strategists and thinkers than himself.

“What are you thinking about?” a voice sounded behind him.

James’ started slightly, and turned to see his mother standing behind him. For a moment, she simply stared at him, her eyes filled with such an intense amount of love, that James was forcibly reminded of the nickname his uncle’s gave her. Then, she moved forward and sat behind him, placing an arm around him.

“Not much,” James said finally, smiling weakly at her.

She gave a long suffering sigh, looking at him intently. “What do I do for a living James?”

James stared at his mother with confusion for a moment, and then shrugged, deciding to play along with whatever she had in mind. “You’re a Quidditch commentator on WBC-Sports, and you write for the Daily Prophet and the Oracle?” he said at last.

“Yes,” she agreed. “But before I started writing when you were ten, I played for the Hollyhead Harpies, as well as for England a number of times.”

“I know,” he said, his voice sounding hollow in his own ears.

His mother laughed slightly and prodded him in the shoulder. “Well, do you also remember that unlike your dear, soon to be viciously hexed father, that I was never the Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team?”

James sat up straighter and looked at his mother. “You weren’t were you?”

“And unlike your dad, who was the captain, I went on to have a successful career in Quidditch.”

James nodded. “So basically what you’re trying to say–”

“Is that it doesn’t matter if you’re not a the captain of the Quidditch team.”

“I know,” James agreed.

“You do?” his mother asked, looking slightly surprised.

James laughed bitterly. “I just want to play Quidditch mum. You’re like… living proof that it can be done.”

“Because dad is so ridiculous!” he burst out.

“Oh James–”

“He is though!” James said earnestly.

“He spends half of his time yelling at me about how he expects me to follow him into the Ministry and become an Auror, or a Watchman – or you know, something with running and shouting and blowing up things –” His mother had to actively suppress a giggle at this point, but James soldiered on. “And the other half expecting me to be the absolute best in Quidditch, and wander off into ridiculously dangerous situations like he did when he was a kid.”

“I know he does,” she nodded sadly.

“Well I can’t do it anymore!”

“But don’t you see James?” she said, turning to look at him directly. “Your father sees so much of himself in you! You’re his firstborn son, and the only one of his children sorted into Gryffindor! To the part of your dad’s mind that he doesn’t like to acknowledge – where he keeps all of his war-time prejudices – you are the great white hope of the Potter clan.”

“What do you mean?” James asked.

“I think… I think there are times when your dad… envies you and your siblings a bit Jamie. Because your lives have been so much easier than his was. You had a normal childhood – I mean apart from when I disappeared for training and games and whatnot – and normal friends, and there’s a part of him that wishes he could have what you have.”

“But dad has always said he’d never change anything about growing up!”

“Oh he wouldn’t! Don’t get me wrong!” she said, before pausing to grope for words. “But his childhood, and his school days were, so much darker, so much… crueller than they should have been. I mean none of us really came out of the war intact, we all lost parts of ourselves… but your dad, and aunt and uncle, and the others in the Army and the Phoenix, seem to be the most haunted by the past. I mean, he faced Voldemort five times between the age of eleven and eighteen!”

“Okay,” James said, in what he hoped was a neutral voice. 

“His problems start with the fact that… because of, the life he had to live, because of the way he was shaped by his experiences, he has a lot of regrets. Things like never becoming a Quidditch player, not going travelling, not finishing his seventh year.”  

“What does this have to do with me though?”

She looked at him intently. “He sees so much of himself in you Jamie, but not just that, he sees you as a way to live the life he never could, do all the things he didn’t, because he was too busy!”

“Then why does he go on at me all the time about becoming an Auror like him?” James demanded.

His mother laughed ruefully. “Because your dad is nothing if not a complicated man, and on top of wanting you to do the things he never could, he also wants you to follow in his footsteps to a degree.”

“Because I’m ‘the great white hope of the Potter clan’ or whatever?” James asked dryly.

She nodded gravely.

“Well then why can’t Lily – who wants to be a Watchwoman – or Albus – who wants to go and explode things and lift curses – be the ‘great white hope of the Potter family’?”

“Because Albus is in Ravenclaw, and Lily is in Slytherin.”

James stared at her for a long moment. “That’s ridiculous, the differences between the houses are superficial at best.”

“Oh I know, but your father is far too inured with old prejudices to admit that.”

“And they let him run the Auror office, why?” James asked.

His mother mimed a blow at his head. “Are you feeling any better?”

James tilted his head, then nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“And you’re serious about becoming a Quidditch player?”

“Yes mum, I really am.”

His mother nodded, and smiled. “Then I will make it my mission to help you get there.”

James grinned at her. “I love you, mum,” he said.

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming up?” she said ironically.

“No buts,” he said seriously. “I really do love you.”

Ginny Potter smiled at her son radiantly. “And I love you too my dear, but now I have to go chew out your father, are you coming?”

“Nah,” he replied with a similar smile. “I might just stay here for a little while.”

“Okay sweetie.”

*

They were sitting around the breakfast table several days later when Louis, as usual, came out with one of his extremely uncomfortable questions.

“Hey Ev?” Louis asked innocently.

“Yes?” Evan replied, looking up from a letter Wonky had sent him detailing her suspicions that the Sphinx was plotting to convince Evan’s father to purchase a herd of alpacas.

“What the hell is the ‘incident with the goat’?” Louis asked curiously.

“It’s something that we speak of in hushed, reverent tones,” Evan said cautiously, looking across at Ginny.

Lily however looked up with interest. “Wasn’t it that time that Cassie accidentally combined two potions and then you and James fired two different jinxes at each other and they both rebounded and smashed into the potion phial and combined to make a giant fire-breathing goat which you then chased around the castle for five hours until you ended up stealing devilled eggs from the kitchen to neutralise it at one o’clock in the morning –”

“I said hushed, reverent tones,” Evan said.

James sighed beside him. “Imagine the many amazing pranks we’ll be able to pull this year with you as Head Boy,”

Evan turned to look at him, unamused. “If ‘many’, you mean ‘none’, then yes.”

James pouted at him, while placing a hand on his knee.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’ll get reamed if you try and rope me into things this year.”

“I have no idea what reaming is, but I think I want to volunteer to help do it to you,” James affirmed, moving his hand further up James’ leg.

“Do you two need to be alone?” Fiana asked.

“Well actually…” James started, moving forward to kiss Evan on the neck.

Evan felt himself blushing furiously as Ginny quirked her eyebrows at them and Albus and Rose fell into a fit of laughter.

“I think she was being sarcastic you dick,” Lily said cheerfully, buttering a piece of toast.

“There’s no need for any ‘dick’ this early in the morning thank you,” Fiana said primly.

“Oh Fiana,” Rose said, smiling brightly. “You’re such a prude.”

“Now now dear,” Louis said calmly, looking up from the letter he was reading. “Not everyone is dirty minded.”

“We’re Weasleys,” Rose pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean all Weasley’s are dirty minded!” Louis responded.

Lily looked at him steadily for a moment. “True, but Rosie’s dad is Uncle Ron.”

There was a moment of contemplative silence, before Albus shook himself and looked brightly at Evan.

“Does your status as Head Boy mean that all pranks at Hogwarts will have to end, or just the one’s James tries to directly involve you in?”

Evan tilted his head slightly, thinking furiously of the best response. “I couldn’t possibly stop all the pranks that go on at Hogwarts, it would be like trying to milk a Hippogriff. I just can’t be seen to be actively involved in them.”

Albus, Louis and Lily grinned, while James spluttered. “When have you ever been linked to a prank you’ve pulled with me?”

There was another moment of silence as everyone at the table looked at him.

“Let’s see,” Fiana said, pretending to think.

“How about that time you turned the Defence Against the Dark Arts Corridor into a desert, and you went around telling everyone to go check out ‘The Great Potter-Dyer Desert’?” Evan asked.

“Oh come on, that was fun!” James cried.

“Or that time when you guys did that seventeenth anniversary of the departure of the Weasley Twins re-enactment, and one of the fireworks spelt out ‘This prank brought to you by the Potter-Dyer-Hayden-McCallister Mischief Fund,” Albus added.

“How about that time you turned all the Slytherin’s into unicorns except Lily, and you branded them with ‘DYER’, and they hexed Ev’s eyebrows off?” Rose asked.

“I did it because Lily was sick,” James retorted loftily – his dimples pulling at his lips.

“Actually, that was pretty fun,” Lily conceded, “and they all warmed back up to Ev once we told them what it was for.”

“Let us not forget the time you released a horde of gerbils dyed Dyer colours for Evan’s fifteenth birthday,” Fiana said, smirking.

“Okay, okay,” James conceded. “Maybe I do incriminate Ev a bit too much. But still, the Friendship Agreement says–”

Fiana looked up. “You two have a friendship agreement?”

Evan shrugged, and pulled a confused face. “This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

James looked hurt, and removed his hand from Evan’s thigh. “You don’t remember making the friendship agreement?”

“Nope,” Evan said.

“Hmmph,” said James.

Ginny looked up from the article she was proofing. “When exactly did you two make this friendship agreement?”

“Last year, on Evan’s birthday.”

“Was I sober?” Evan asked, still confused.

“Yes actually?”

“Were you sober?” Albus asked.

“Err…” James said, looking at his mother.

“So we can take that as a no then,” Rose said, giggling.

“What time was the agreement made?” Louis asked.

“About four o’clock in the morning,” James conceded.

“Was Evan awake?” Lily asked.

James contemplated for a second, before assuming a sheepish expression. “Possibly not?”

Evan sighed and placed his head in his hands.

“There there,” Lily said comfortingly.

“Ah… so anyway, what’s a nice safe topic change?” James asked, somewhat plaintively.

“Do we have any plans for today?” Rose replied, taking pity on her cousin.

“Yes!” James cried, “Plans! Do we have any of them for the day?”

Evan thought about it for a moment and groaned.

“What’s wrong dear?” Ginny asked.

Evan groaned again, and looked up at the ring of people around the table. “Dad wants me to go into MantiCore today for some reason.”

Fiana looked up from the fantasy novel she’d produced from somewhere and grinned. “Ooh, can I come?”

“I don’t see why not,” Evan shrugged,

“Where is it again?” Lily asked.

“It’s on Chanter’s Way isn’t it?” Albus asked curiously.

“Arcadia Circus,” Evan corrected, grinning at him.

“Can I come too?” Lily asked.

Evan rolled his eyes. Lily had been trying for years to get a look inside the MantiCore building, and he certainly wasn’t going to deny her the opportunity. “Sure, the more the merrier,” he said. “Anyone else, Rosie, Al, Ginny?”

“Sorry old chap,” Al grinned. “Rose and I are going to go and fit a bit of Quidditch practice in.”

“Thanks for asking though,” Rose added, grinning at Evan.

“And I have to go and rewrite some articles I’m afraid,” Ginny added.

Evan nodded and turned to James. “You’re coming right?”

James flushed slightly. “Uh… no, thanks Ev, I don’t think I will.”

“Why?” Lily asked curiously.

“Yes, why aren’t you coming Potter?” Fiana drawled.

Evan took in James’ concerned expression and placed a comforting hand on his knee. James very much didn’t return Evan’s gaze.

“Well… I… th-the thing is that, well, you see if I err… came in I’d umm… I’d–”

Evan felt a genuine concern building up in his chest. ‘Did James not like MantiCore? Was he ashamed to be seen with Evan in public?’

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked.

James sighed and grimaced at Evan. “I uh… I feel a bit weird around your mum and dad these days,” he said at last, looking at his hands

“Why?” Evan asked, mystified.

“Well, they look at me, and smile and all I can think is ‘Merlin’s Teeth I’m boning your son’–”

“James!” Ginny cried, half amused, half scandalised.

For his part Evan bent over in a fit of the giggles.

“What?” James asked, looking slightly hurt.

*

The magical headquarters of MantiCore in Britain was located in an imposing forty-floor tower on Arcadia Circus – one of the prominent all-magical prominades that had been established during the Reformation.

As Evan, Lily, and Fiana walked in through the front doors, laden with school supplies, they were confronted by a vast marble-clad lobby, embellished only with the occasional grouping of lounges, statues, and the company’s logo picked out in bright blue, red, and gold on the floor before the entrance. Along the fringes of the room, glass elevators moved up and down between the various floors, emitting a constant stream of people on the way to their lunch breaks. Presiding over the lobby was a long desk, manned by a pretty young woman, and a centaur.

Lily eyed the receptionists wearily. “A witch and a centaur?” she asked uncertainly.

“Actually I think Agathe is a vampire,” Evan said absently, as they walked towards an executive elevator towards the back of the room.

Fiana said nothing – she was too focused on groaning at her phone.

“What’s up?” Lily asked curiously.

“James is subtly asking me to scope out whether Erasmus wants to duel him.”

Evan groaned, and looked incredulously at Lily. “Why am I dating him?”

Lily laughed lightly and patted Evan on the arm. “We tried to stop you, but it was too late.”

He sighed mournfully and stepped into the elevator. “Fortieth floor,” he said.

“Merlins’ beard!” Lily swore, clutching to Evan had braced himself against the wall.

Fiana of course, nearly ended up on the floor.

“Do you think perhaps, Evander dear, that you could have warned us about the psychotic elevators?”

“Probably,” Evan replied, severely unmoved as the doors opened.

“Why did you have to come in, anyway?” Lily asked, as they moved into an impressive foyer.

Evan’s attempt to reply was interrupted by the arrival of an officious-looking young man. “May I help you?” he asked politely, if somewhat pompously.

Evan looked at him, non-plussed. “I’m here to see Erasmus Dyer.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Nope,” Evan said, exchanging a heavily amused look with his friends.

The man frowned slightly, and took out a calendar book, and flipped through it. “One does not simply walk in to see Mr. Dyer,” he said at last. “But if you tell me who you are, I can ask him if he’d like to speak to you.”

Evan bristled, and opened his mouth to reply, but Lily beat him to it.

“Say, how long have you worked for Mr. Dyer?”

“A month,” the man replied suspiciously.

“So you could say you know him quite well?”

“Uh… as much as a factor can know his superior in a month,” the man hedged.

Evan lifted his eyebrows, the man may be pompous, but he at least didn’t appear to want to curry favour.

“Then why don’t you go in and tell him his son is here to see him?” Lily finished, smirking.

“Son?” the man gasped, his face blanching.

“Yo,” Evan smirked, waving, before grimacing. “Dad sent me an owl asking me to come see him, sorry for turning up unannounced.”

“I should have recognised you,” the man said glumly, before shaking himself slightly and pasting on a smile. “Uh, a moment, I’ll just go and inform Mr. Dyer,” the man said, turning on his heel and skittering towards Erasmus’ office.

“We really do seem to have a problem with receptionist type-people,” Fiana observed.

Evan sent her a tight smile, still feeling nervous about the vague nature of his father’s summons.

A moment of silence ensued as the three of them considered their surroundings. The office area was floored in thick, luxurious carpet, but otherwise was mostly utilitarian, with the majority of the space being given over to the offices of the various company high-ups, which were all suspiciously empty.

After several more minutes of silence, the young man scuttled back, bowing profusely. “Mr. Dyer will see you know, he also said to say that your er–” he blushed profusely.

“What?” Evan asked, sharing a glance with Lily, who shrugged.

The young man gulped, then cleared his throat. “He uh… he said that you could um, that you could bring your … buxom wee lasses, with you,” he said, flinching slightly.

Lily and Fiana both turned identical amused expressions on Evan, who could only shrug helplessly. “You know dad,” he said after a moment.

“We do,” Fiana confirmed, grabbing Evan’s arm and leading him into his father’s office.

When they entered, they found Erasmus Dyer II, hunched over his desk poking at an interface with his wand. Without looking up, he flicked his wand, summoning three chairs which Evan, and his friends gladly sank into. For a moment or two more, he continued to poke at the interface, a look of mild frustration on his face.

Finally he looked up at them and smiled slightly. “That will be all Gaston,” he said over their heads. “Go and take your lunch if you like.”

Evan turned around and saw the young man – Gaston – bow slightly and hurry out of the office, shutting the door behind him.

“So,” Erasmus said, after a minute of silence.

“So?” Evan asked, causing Lily to titter slightly.

Evan’s father lifted his brows in surprise. “Do you not know why I called you in here?”

Evan frowned at him, then shook his head.

Erasmus steepled his fingers and regarded Evan sternly for a moment, before breaking into a grin. “I just wanted to congratulate you on making Head Boy!”

Evan leant back in his chair and sighed heavily, then grinned weakly at his fathr. “Jeez dad! I thought you had some sort of bad news to give me!”

“So did we!” Lily and Fiana chorused.

“Like what?” Erasmus asked, still amused.

“I don’t know,” Evan shrugged. “Like Grandmother had discovered how to be immortal!”

“That would be terrifying,” Erasmus rumbled. “But back to my original point, your mother and I are very proud of you Nico.”

Evan felt himself swell with pride at his father’s words, and he looked at his hands. “Thanks dad,” he said at last.

Erasmus grinned and nodded. “To show our pride, your mother and I have conferred and we’ve decided that we’re going to reward you with something.”

“Ooh,” Fiana said involitarily, making Lily, Evan, and his father laugh.

“Yes, quite,” Erasmus agreed, looking at Evan.

“What… what sort of thing?” Evan asked hesitantly.

Erasmus’ grey eyes twinkled. “Something you will learn about in the fullness of time.”

Evan pouted, but nodded.

“So how are you both, Lily, Fiana?” Erasmus asked.

As the girls enthusiastically began filling his father in on the latest occurrences in their lives, Evan sat back and considered the possible rewards his parents could have thought up to give him, and utterly failed to dedeuce what it could be – there were far too many options. Shrugging internally, he decided to push it from his mind.

Unfortunately, as Lily and Fiana tugged him out of MantiCore HQ haf an hour later, they were both deeply interested in what possible form the reward would take.

“I have ideas on what it could be,” Fiana said without preamble.

“What will?” Evan asked.

“The reward,” she replied as if he were thick. “I think it will be something pragmatic and useful for your later career.”

“Like?” Lily asked.

“A small European country,” Fi replied.

“Those are pretty cheap these days,” Evan conceded. “Although it’ll probably be like an apartment or a broom or something…”

“Maybe an apartment filled with brooms?” Lily asked hopefully.

Evan laughed, “sure, why not?”

“Well I think it will be an unlimited supply of chocolate,” Lily said firmly.

“Oh god… can you imagine?” Evan asked in a hushed tone.

“A literal mountain of chocolate,” Fiana said dreamily.

“It would be fucking glorious,” Lily agreed.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of the The House of Death series