“No, Loki,” Odin All-Father says, and Loki feels the last few strands of hope snap and fall away.
Thor sees in his face what Loki’s planning to do just before he opens his hand and releases his grip on Gungnir. It’s too late, though - too late to call Loki back, too late for Loki to fix anything, too late for Loki to un-know every sharp painful thing he’s learned since Thor’s banishment. Thor screams his name anyway.
It’s actually a little bit peaceful, finally letting go - the last gasps of atmosphere at the edge of Asgard seem to buoy him up, cradle him just before setting him adrift. There’s something very comforting in knowing that this is it - there’s nothing left to hurt about.
And then the pain hits.
Lights sear his eyes, strange forces buffet him mercilessly. He screams and feels the nothing of space reach inside and tear him inside out, feels himself disintegrate and be held together, again and again and again until he can’t tell if he has a body, or a mind, or if all he exists for is agony.
The searing lights waver into images, jagged and fragmented.
Loki watches as Thor catches him before he falls off the Bifrost
as Thor falls instead and Loki remains
as Odin pushes them both off and laughs as they fall
He sees himself crowned king
himself in chains
himself on Midgard, polite and unassuming, dying slowly inside
he is Jotun
held down by Thor as the dwarves sew his mouth shut
bound by the entrails of his own child
shrieking with glee as Ragnarok unfolds around him
marked by poison, Loki the world-breaker
glorious Thor crowned king
Loki spawning monsters, hideous and beautiful
black stitches across a silver tongue
Thor nine steps from a serpent, falling down dead
no Loki no Loki no Loki
flames licking the funeral pyre, Loki still alive
power over all things, clenched in his hands and bursting like fruit
power over nothing, waiting for the agony to return
such a long way to fall
entrails slippery against the dirt, Thor’s companions never to rise again
the world at his feet, ashes and flames, despair smeared across his chin
blood crusted under his fingernails
rubble in the street, shattered glass and pain
Thor’s face, confused and anguished
Thor’s companions so bright and valiant and so very fragile
Avengers assemble, they must be kidding right?
Loki laughs and laughs and laughs.