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These days, they say 'making sandwiches' (or, Ooops!)

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Giant Girl found him just as he was about to leave.

"Ah, Peter!" She called to him and hurried her pace. "I thought about what you said the other day and I think I found something nice!"

Peter frowned. It was really hard to keep track of everything he said. It could be about Bruce's birthday coming up, and the difficulty in finding a suitable present that could be used by both Bruce and the Hulk. Which meant something simple, but at the same time liable to give normal people, who weren't genius scientists, headaches. And pretty much unbreakable. Unbreakable was the important part.

Peter blinked. "I think I know what to give Bruce as a present," he said.

"What?" Jan frowned.

"We could give him Wolverine for him to play with for a day," he said. Simple? Check. Liable to give you headaches? Check. Unbreakable? Check. It was the perfect gift.

"No, it's not… Wolverine?"

Not Bruce's present, then. Maybe it was about last Tuesday, when Jan had been moaning to Peter about Storm hogging up all the hot men (and gods, and kings), leaving nothing for her. And those were Jan's literal words, by the way. He didn't think about other men's hotness. Not that he was so close-minded as to not see that Thor and Black Panther were handsome in a very, very objective way, but he was interested in girls. And wasn't she dating Henry Pym, anyway?

Maybe the others were right about his tendency to babble on occasions.

"Peter?" Jan called his name, waving a hand in front of his eyes. "You in there?"

"Yeah, um, what?" he asked, rather intelligently.

"About your date with Mary Jane," she said.

Oh. That.

"Oh," he said. "That."

Jan stared at him and Peter stared back.

She rolled her eyes. "You asked me if I knew a place to take her to?" she tried. "A cool place? Classy, but not too classy? And not too expensive?"

Oh, yeah. He'd asked that.

"I really had to turn all of New York upside down, looking for it," she said, and Peter hoped she didn't mean it literally, "but I think I found it. If you want to reserve the table, I have the number here somewhere," she added, going through her pockets.

"Great!" he exclaimed. "What's it called?"

"42," she said, still going through her pockets, a frown developing on her face. "I'm sure I have it."

Peter blinked. "That's very- are you sure there aren't other numbers after that? I'm reasonably sure you need more than that to make a phone call."

Jan gave him a look. "42 is the name of the place, Spidey," she said, exasperated.

"Oh," he nodded. "Like the book."

"No, like the street," she replied. "What book? Anyway, the number has to be around here somewhere," she glanced around them, as if she expected it to be in the hall – which was empty except for the two of them, the elevator and a gigantic propaganda poster of Cap clobbering some Nazis. No really. Tony was scarily obsessed.

How come Peter was the weird one among them?

"I remember I wrote it down on the post-it and…" she trailed off.

"And?"

"And then I stuck it to the fridge."

"Ah," said Peter, for lack of anything else to say. "Then I guess it's still there."

Several moments passed before them two of them moved at the same time toward the kitchen.

"Ah, Steve- stop, We've got-" Tony's voice came from around the corner.

Great.

Peter exchanged a glance with Jan. When she nodded, he sighed and entered the room. Whatever those two were up to – Gah! Mental images! Scarily graphic mental images! Bad! – whatever those two were doing, he fervently hoped they still had their clothes on.

Really, since they'd started dating, Peter lived in the constant fear of walking in on… something and being scarred for life.

Ah, they still had their clothes on. Peter suspected it was a momentary state, though. They had arrived just in time; his mental balance was safe for the day.

Jan cleared her voice and Cap and Tony came apart so fast that for a moment Peter was convinced they hadn't walked in on the two of them making out in the kitchen.

Mental images! Bad Spidey!

And wow, in a moment Cap had bolted to the other side of the room which, considering the size of everything Stark, was really say- GAH! Mental images!

Jan gave him a worried glance. "Are you alright?" she asked, quietly. "You look a little pale."

"Peter! Jan!" Cap exclaimed, and if his voice was a little too high, it was barely noticeable. "We were-"

"Doing nothing," Tony said, at the same time Cap said, "-making sandwiches!"

Everybody stared at Steve.

"Sandwiches?" Tony repeated, bewildered, as if he couldn't reconcile that word with the tactical genius that Cap was supposed to be.

"Yeah," Cap scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "For um, the picnic? Later?"

They stared at Cap.

"You guys are going to have a picnic date?" Jan practically squealed. Peter was seriously scared of girls sometimes. "That's so cute!"

"D-date?" Cap squirmed, exchanging nervous glances with Tony. "No, it's not-"

"What Steve meant to say," Tony jumped in, glaring at Cap, "was that we were going on patrol later and we were making sandwiches. To eat. After our patrol."

"Right…" Peter said. "Look, I gotta take something, then Giant Girl and I, we'll leave you to your… sandwiches."

No really. Sandwiches? Was he really the youngest one here?

"And your date."

"Jan, we're not-" Steve started.

Tony cut him off, though. "How did you find out?"

"Oh!" Peter exclaimed. "You mean… it was supposed to be a secret?"

Cap blushed. He blushed.

"Oh. Okay," Peter shrugged, and then turned to Jan. "Let's do this again, Giant Girl. We go away and walk in on them making out – oh, sorry – making sandwiches in the kitchen, but this time we pretend to be surprised."

Cap was still blushing. Peter was so going to mark this day on his calendar.

"It wasn't really hard," Jan said. "You always go 'on patrols' (and there she actually did air quotes) together. Actually, you're together most of the time. You touch each other a lot, even though Tony is very aware of his personal space. And you act like a married couple." she grinned, hands on her hips. "Also, Jarvis complained about the fact that he never had so many blankets to wash, the last time we were away for a couple of days, and you two were here alone."

Tony and Cap's expressions were downright horrified. And Peter guessed his expression didn't look much different.

Okay, he hadn't needed to know that.

"It's alright," Peter said, trying to steer the conversation on to safer – and more G-rated – topics. "We're like a family, see?" A very weird and dysfunctional one, but still a family... "You two are, like, our parents. And we're kinda the children," he frowned. "Except Wolverine. Wolverine is the mangy dog."

Tony and Cap were still wearing their horrified expressions, but they were looking at him now.
"What?" he asked, defensively. "Come on, guys. It's not like it's the end of the-" he stopped mid-sentence, a terrifying notion taking form in his mind. "He's standing right behind me, isn't he?" he asked, part apprehensive, part resigned.

Cap and Tony nodded numbly.

"Oh!" Jan exclaimed. "I just remembered I've got a date with Hank! Bye, guys!" And in a moment, she was gone.

Spider-sense going insane, Peter swallowed and turned around. "Hey," he greeted weakly. "How's it going, Logan?"

Snikt.