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I'd Rather Forget

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“Come Ffamran, do I scare you that terribly?” The cruel voice pierced my ears, as painful as the grip about my neck. My back ached from being shoved into the hard rock of the cave. Gripping the armored hand about my throat as well as I could, I clawed at it, desperate to breath as a second set tugged at my clothing, the perverse effort making me feel ill. It was difficult to fend off the two older men as I was held in the air, the rock face keeping me here.

“Mmm, and this is news to you, Bergan?” A evil laugh came from below me, as cold fingers went beneath the thin cloth of my shirt, caressing my young, teenage flesh. “He’s always been afraid of us, hiding in any place imaginable. I’m sure if he wasn’t always in it, he’d even hide in Galbranth’s armor.” A blush coated my cheeks at the mention of the youngest judge magister. I was only a judge in training, working for the honor of being one of the Magister’s. Gabranth himself assisted in my training, and despite how annoying people complained I could be he did not mind, he had told me that training a new one was a fun alternative to guarding the little prince.

My thoughts were halted as I felt my pants being ripped from me, legs bared to the cold air. Gasping, I clawed harder at the hand, crying as Judge Ghis began removing my underwear. Bergan licking his lips, eyes focus on the bare flesh instead of my tearful face. “Please!” I choked out, sobbing desperately. “Please stop it!”

“Hush, Ffamran.” Ghis sneered, tugging my underwear down as Bergan set me on my feet, holding my hands above my head instead. Pulling off his belt with his spare hand, he looked at Ghis, “I’m going to turn him momentarily.” Nodding, the disgusting man took his hands from me, and I choked a little as I was roughly turned, face pressed into the wall, hands pulled behind me. He used his belt to tie my writhing thin arms, before turning me about again to be molested by Ghis’s calloused hands.

Pulling out a knife, Bergan smirked cruelly at me, before sliding the sharp edge beneath my shirt, and cutting the piece of clothing open. I was squirming, and sobbing again as the both of them touched my skin, Bergan’s lips touching mine as his fingers caressed my cold nipples. The tears wetted my lips, and as he pulled away he licked them off my face, taking enjoyment in my torture.

I could feel fingers sliding up my thighs, stroking places I’d never imagined anyone touching. Gasping, I tried to move away from them, “please! Stop touching me!” I gasped, trembling as Ghis’s fingers stroked my entrance, laughing at my attempts at getting away from him. Bergan too chuckled, roughly taking my chin into his hand. “Should we bend him over so he can’t kick any one?” He purred, looking down at his companion.

“I think that would be a good idea.” Ghis smirked, watching as I was thrown to the ground carelessly. Lifting myself to my knees, I looked at them fearfully as they laughed, my penis dangling limply between my legs as I tried to back away in fear. Ghis sat behind me though, preventing any escape I had in mind, my eyes watching as Bergan began removing his pants. Crying as I was pushing over so my face was in the man’s crotch, I felt Ghis’s hands on my ass again, touching me in places that have ever only been touched by myself.

A low whimper escaped my lips, listening as they both removed their pants, readying to rape me. Steal my virginity like they had been stealing my innocence. Molestation was not enough, neither was torture. It seemed that they had to fully destroy me.

Pain erupted through my entire being, and I cried out, finding my mouth filled with Bergan, both snickering at how pathetic I was. “Balthier, wake up.” My eyes lifted up to Bergan, no longer finding his face there…

“Balthier! Thank the gods you are awake.” Fran murmured, running her long fingers through my hair soothingly. “You were having a nightmare, crying in your sleep.” Basch stood at the entrance to mine and Fran’s tent, a lamp in hand, worried look in his deep blue eyes. The others were behind him, fidgeting nervously, as if I might lash out at them any minute. “They heard your screams, I am sorry, but I have never seen you this scared. You have had nightmares before, but never this bad…” Sad red eyes looked down at me, and I felt a pang in my heart, reaching up to stroke her cheek solemnly.

“I apologize,” my voice hoarse, I smiled weakly. “To all of you, I’m sorry to wake you.” Nodding, I raised myself to a sitting position, watching as they eyed my uncertainly.

“It is not your fault, whatever it is, and we are in no position to tell you otherwise.” They nodded, and I had to look down at my feet. When I had nightmares living at home, father would punish me for disturbing his work, or his sleep. And while in the training encampments, I would be blamed, and punished for keeping my fellow trainee’s awake at night. Having people tell me it was not my fault…it made me want to cry. Tears began flowing from my eyes, and I ducked my head down low so that only Fran could see, though I was sure that Basch had noticed.

Telling the others to go back to sleep, he quietly entered, resting a hand on my shoulder as Fran rubbing my back in soothing circles. “How long has he been like this?” The soldier asked her in a whisper as his hand moved up to my neck. Though I knew it was merely in comfort, I could not help but tense. He let out a low curse and sat down next to me, pulling my shirt away from my neck. Making a small noise, I tried to move away, but he used his available arm to hold me in place, making soothing sounds as his eyes inspected my neck. “So this is why you always hide your neck…” He murmured, eyeing the scars with disgusted interest. “How long have you been like this, and who did this to you?” Blue eyes bore into my own brown ones, and I felt like the teenager I was long ago, back when I used to get the same commanding stare from Basch’s twin, my commander and trainer.

Swallowing, I stuttered out the answer. Not out of fear of harm, but as I did not want him angry with me. After being with Galbranth, I was well aware that with the Ronsenberg twins, it was best you stay on their good side. Fran was used to me being elusive, but to be with Basch, or his brother, you let them know anything they demanded. “Six years, and the marks are from Judge’s Bergan, and Ghis.” I answered quickly, my voice barely above a whisper, as I pulled my shirt out of his grasp, hiding the marks. I stared at the cloth of the tent, my eyes avoiding his; though I could feel him tense next to me, as well as the gasp erupting from Fran’s lips. Tears were falling from my eyes once more, and I could not help the sob that escaped my lips this time. I would probably be seen as disgusting now, even more so if information got out. I couldn’t tell if one of the younger ones were listening in…

Feeling arms wrap around me, two sets of them, I turned to find them sitting next to each other, holding me so that I was laying on both of them. Hugging myself, I lay on them, sobbing till I fell asleep once more.

For the longest time, the nightmares had been mere small flashes. I could sleep fine. After the battle with Judge Ghis though, they had come back. Though bearable with soothing remedies, it was tough. After the last battle with Judge Bergan, and realizing I had have to return to Archades and face my father…the nightmares came back with full force, and grew unbearable. The first happening in the Sandsea, I had woken to the owner at the door, announcing complaints to Fran, and for the rest of the night, I sat at the bar, nursing my drink.

The trip up till now was just as bad, with sleepless nights and rough fights during the day. Making it this far was bad, and it was going to get worse as they made it through the Tchitia Uplands, and through Sohen Cave…