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He spends a long time looking in the mirror after he gets his new body.

“Not bad, not bad,” he says. It can’t hold a flame to his old body, no, but the new one isn’t so unattractive.

‘I thought you were supposed to be Greed,’ Ling says, ‘not Pride.’

“Eh, maybe I’m a little bit of everything.” He flashes a crooked smile to the mirror, sharp teeth shining. “Maybe I want to be a little bit of everything.”

Ling rolls his eyes and Greed laughs, because it’s cute, humans are cute.

“So how old are you?” Greed asks as he reaches back and pulls the tie from his hair. He shakes his head and his hair fans around him. Hmm. Not bad, not bad at all. Inside him Greed can feel Ling grow uneasy and ah, that’s kind of fun. It’s cute.

‘Sixteen,’ Ling answers, and his uneasiness builds when Greed—when he—slips off his coat. ‘What are you doing?’

“Not a bad age,” he says. He shrugs at Ling’s question. “Just checking something.” Dropping the jacket to the floor, Greed pulls his shirt over his head. “Ooh,” he says as he runs his hand down his chest and stomach. “You’re pretty cute…”

Ling’s apprehension turns to nausea deep within Greed. ‘H-hey!’ Ling’s adorable when he’s flustered. ‘Just because you have my body doesn’t mean you can do anything you want!’

Ignoring Ling, Greed goes back to admiring himself—themselves—in the mirror. Ling is still young but his body’s well-toned from years of training and though the softness of youth covers them, his muscles are still visible when he’s shirtless. Ooh, very nice. As Greed to continues to touch his abs and chest a heat grows inside him, stronger and stronger til it replaces the nausea and nervousness from earlier. Kid’s been on the move for a while now, hasn’t he? Hasn’t had any time for himself…

Greed’s hand slides to the waistband of his pants. It’s been a long time since he’s had to get himself off, but hell if the kid doesn’t need it. Desire pulses in veins, thrums in his ears, threatening to overtake him and damn did Greed miss that. He hasn’t been wanting enough, needing enough lately, and this is the perfect remedy.

The kid looks like he wants to protest when Greed slips two fingers under the waist of his pants but he doesn’t say anything. He’ll never admit it but he needs this right now and it’s a little easier for him to accept it if he pretends he doesn’t want it.

Humans are curious creatures.

His fingers slip lower, down to his pelvic bone, down to the scratchy patch of hair. Inside him Ling squirms and he’s just about to grasp his—

The door slams open with a resounding bang against the wall. “Hey, Ling, have you—”

In the mirror Greed can see the pale, wide-eyed face of one blond alchemist. His lips pull back into a snarl. “Fuck off, we’re busy.”

Ed can only squawk out a yelp before the door slams shut just as quickly as it slammed open. The desire in his veins dies to barely an ember and Greed groans. Doesn’t anyone knock anymore? Ling is silent, humiliated as Greed redresses, not even bothering to respond to any of Greed’s saccharine sweet apologies. Greed sighs and rolls his eyes; he’s going to have to do some serious damage control with the shorty to fix this.

“It’s not so bad,” says Greed. “I bet he does it too.”

Ling doesn’t say anything, just glares and hunches over. Greed sighs. “Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I’ll go talk to him about it and try to fix things.”

Ling seems to relax at least a little at that, shoulders slumping as the angry tension dies down.

Greed gives himself one last glance in the mirror as he ties his hair back up. He really is cute, isn’t he? Ling’s still moody and quiet as they exit the room, but Greed isn’t too deterred by this; there’s going to be a next time, he’s sure of it. Ling’s got a lot of tension to get rid of and Greed still needs to explore his new body. He’ll just have to lock the door in the future.

Or maybe he’ll just have to give Ed a proper invitation next time.