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Have A Little Faith

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You know what the stupidest thing to tell a psychic is?

We’re not talking about those bullshit, Lady Zionelda Ravenwater Flowerdrumsong, come into my parlor full of plastic beads, crappy lighting, and cheap incense and I’ll stare at your handwrinkles for five bucks and tell you how many kids you’re gonna have psychics. I mean real psychics. Watchers who see visions of the future, whether they want to or not. Like me.

The stupidest thing to tell people like me?

"Have a little faith."

Faith. Yeah. Right.

Faith is, by its very nature, impossible for a Watcher to have. Because faith is kind of entirely defined as trusting that something’s going to be even though you don’t know for sure that it is. And see, for a Watcher, that whole “don’t know for sure” thing is a little hard.

I mean okay, there is that whole thing about the future being changed even just by knowing about it and blah blah, I’ve given the speech myself, I know all about it. But just because it can change doesn’t mean that it will. And just because it can change doesn’t mean it’s going to change for the better.

So when I tell Nick that if he actually goes through with his half-assed plan (if you can even call it that) (spoilers: I don’t) to break into Division with Kira and rescue my mom that he’s not coming out because they’re both going to die a horrible death and he just tells me to have a little faith in him for once? I do the reasonable thing and call him an idiot. Because he is.

I let them go, though, because … I don’t know why, maybe I’m really just selfish and willing to risk both of their lives to get my mom back. I spend the next six hours trying to will myself to see a vision of them not dying, though. The thing is I can’t see anything else until after about three and a half hours; then I don’t see anything at all.

At least not until they come back and the next thing I know I’m practically curled up on the floor in my mother’s lap, both of us hugging each other and crying and me mouthing “Thank you” over her shoulder to Nick. Thinking that maybe he actually had a point about having a little faith; after all, it’s not the first time he’s changed his fate.

But he’s still an idiot.