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“So you’re the guy House paid to follow me.”
“And you’re the guy House hired me to follow! But not the only one, House has quite a list.”
“My heart is in pieces to hear that, I assure you.”
“Oh, no worries, I follow you more than the others.”
“Well, in that case.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. …I’ve been meaning to thank you, for whoring out your friendship to House back when I was trying to have a life of my own. I’m glad he had someone who’d listen and follow his schemes, he gets so depressed when he has to play alone.”
“No, it was my pleasure.”
“Really?”
“No, he’s too weird. But he’s the best business I’ve had since becoming a P.I.”
“Because you charge him two arms and his last good leg?”
“Nah, because he’s the only one who’s come back to me after the first case. …What! It’s not how it sounds! It doesn’t meant that I’m bad at what I do, just that most people, once they’ve found out their spouse is cheating on them, don’t have any use for me. But House--“
“Could use you ‘til the end of time.”
“Pretty much, yeah. Speaking of House, could you do me a favor? Don’t mention that you caught me spying on you and came over for a chat, it’s bad for my rep. The spyees aren’t supposed to catch the spyers.”
“Sure.”
“That’s it. Just ‘sure’? No favors or money in return?”
“It’s a favor to myself. Because if House decides to fire you as his personal database, then who knows who else he’ll get to do it, or what other hobbies he’ll pick up. I really don’t want to go through another round of his gambling habit… so, no, I’m not that big on you tailing me, but I know you, and given the possible alternatives, you’re the lesser evil.”
“I do make a point of being the best of all evils.”
“Keep up the good work.”
“I will. Say, I don’t suppose you need me to dig up any dirt on House, do you? Something dark and secret…”
“No, I already know too much about him.”
“Right, right… so I guess I should go back to spying on you.”
“Actually, I was about to go out for Italian food. I was supposed to go with House, but he bailed on out on me, who knows why, and I hate eating alone. Care to join me?”
“Sure, I love Italian! You paying?”
“Put it on House’s bill-- though he’ll probably ask me to lend him money, to pay for your costs, so I suppose I really am paying.”
“Cool. Let’s go.”
“Sure, let me grab my wallet and coat.”
“Wait-- phone call. ….Uh, yeah, got it…. Okay, Wilson, that was House on the phone just now. He said I can’t join you because, quote, ‘I’m not paying you to talk to him.’ He said I should resume an unfriendly distance.”
“He’s spying on his P.I.? …I don’t even know why I’m surprised at that.”
“He’s spying on me and you. He likes to be thorough.”
“Depends on the circumstance. I guess I’ll see you at the restaurant?”
“Hmmm, I was hoping I’d see you, but you wouldn’t see me. That cool?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Not really.”
“Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll be at Paparella’s.”
“You make my spying so much easier, you know? Thanks.”
“I like to help where I can.”
“You’re not really going to Paparella’s, are you.”
“I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t.”
“I’ll follow you anyway.”
“Have fun.”
“I’m sure I will.”