Everything felt off… like he was stuck in some parallel universe, where everyone was in on some joke except for him. Well, if it was some joke, it sure as hell wasn’t funny.
Danny sat at his desk, and stared at his computer screen. He was trying to finish up some paperwork for the Navy SEAL case, but his mind kept wandering. He really wanted… no needed to talk to someone, but again, everything felt off.
Steve wasn’t himself. He hadn’t been the same since his time in jail. He was distant. Chin was reconnecting with Malia, and the last thing he needed was to have to deal with Danny’s problems. Danny didn’t know Lori well enough, and she just rubbed him the wrong way. Kono wouldn’t return his phone calls. She was isolating herself from them, and that was another thing that was piled onto his already full plate. Grace was still in New Jersey. Talking to her on the phone just wasn’t cutting it anymore. He needed his little girl. He felt alone, even though he hardly ever was.
His only other option was to call his therapist and see if he could get in to see him. Danny had already been to see him earlier in the week, but that was before Operation Payback. He hated relying on others so heavily, but, as Dr. Newman had told him on several occasions, even the strongest of people needed help from time to time.
Danny pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Dr. Newman’s office.
“Dr. Newman’s office. How may I help you?”
“Hi, Jenny. This is Danny Williams.”
“Hi, Danny. You need an appointment?”
He sighed. “Yes, I do. As soon as possible.”
“Sure thing. He’s got an opening this afternoon at four, and at nine tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll be there at four. Thank you, Jenny.”
“No problem. We’ll see you then.”
He hung up the phone and shoved it back into his pocket. He leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand and then looked at the clock on his computer. It was three o’clock. Where had the day gone?
He quickly finished up the last of the paperwork and printed everything so Steve could sign off on them. He turned off his computer, grabbed his stuff, and walked out of his office.
He walked across the empty bullpen to Steve’s office, but hesitated briefly.
“Danny? Are you going to stand out there all day?”
He quickly walked into Steve’s office and handed him the paperwork.
“All done, just need you to sign off on it.”
Steve gave Danny a concerned look.
“Yeah,” Danny answered quickly. “Is it all right if I leave early? I’ve got an appointment.”
Steve furrowed his brow.
“We don’t have anything going on, so yeah. Danny…”
“Thanks. I’ll call you later, okay?”
Danny turned and walked out of Steve’s office and then out of Five-0 Headquarters. He needed some time to himself before he headed to Dr. Newman’s office.
“So, Danny, what’s got you back in here so soon after your last appointment?”
Danny looked down at his hands and tried to collect his thoughts.
“I’m not really sure what started it, but everything feels wrong. It’s hard to explain…”
“That’s okay. Don’t try. Just tell me what’s got you so down.”
“It’s not just one thing. It’s everything…”
“Well, just start from the beginning.”
“The beginning? You make it sound so easy.”
Dr. Newman didn’t say anything. He just waited for Danny to start talking.
“I feel like I don’t know my partner anymore. He’s so distant, and this last case, I just don’t know. Kono was kicked off the force and now she’s distancing herself from us. She won’t return my calls, and I just don’t know what to do. I want to help her, but how can I do that if I can’t even talk to her. Chin is the only one of us that seems to know what he wants and how he feels. I don’t know what to think about Lori. I’m not sure I trust her.”
“So, you feel like you have no one that you can talk to. That the support system that you thought you had really isn’t there anymore.”
“Something like that. I also miss my daughter more and more every day. The phone calls just aren’t helping anymore. I need my daughter.” The last bit was said almost under his breath.
“Danny, I want you to listen to me okay?”
“You worry so much about everyone else; you feel like you can’t talk to them or lean on them for your own support. It used to not be that way. What makes you think that you can’t still lean on your friends?”
“It used to be so easy to talk to Steve. Yeah, most of the time we argued, but it worked… it was a thing. Now, I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall half the time. Chin’s just been so happy lately. I don’t want to bring him down.”
“I’ll bet you that either one of them would drop everything and listen to you. What was it they said to you way back in the beginning of Five-0? That they were there for you no matter what.”
“I just wish I didn’t have to rely on everyone else. I used to not be this way.”
“And what have I told you every time you’ve brought that up?”
“Yeah, yeah… I know. It just doesn’t hurt to hear it every once and a while.”
Dr. Newman smiled. “Even the strongest of people need help from time to time.”
Danny smiled, but there was sadness behind it.
“Talk to Steve, Danny. I may not know him personally, but from what you’ve told me about your partnership, I know he’ll listen. He may be going through some things that are taking up a lot of his mind space, but he will support you if you need it. I know you feel like he’s shutting you out, but you’re doing the exact same thing. As far as Chin goes, he seems to be the most level-headed of your team. He’ll understand.”
Danny chuckled. “Mind space? Really? Is that some kind of psycho term?”
Dr. Newman laughed. “Of course you’d pick up on that, and well, it’s just something I picked up along the way.”
“I know I need to talk to them. I was just hoping that I’d be able to talk to all of them. I’m worried about Kono.”
“That sounds like it’s something out of your control. I hate to tell you this, but I don’t think there will be much you can do unless she comes to you willingly. She’s got a lot to deal with right now. She’ll come around.”
“I just don’t know. I hope you’re right.”
Dr. Newman nodded.
Danny looked at his watch. It’s was nearly five o’clock. He hadn’t realized they’d been talking for that long.
“Doc, do you mind if I bug out early? I think I need to talk to Steve. I kind of left quickly and he knows something’s up.”
“Yeah, Danny, go ahead. I’ll see you again next week.”
“Oh, one more thing. Grace will be back soon. Just keep that thought in your mind.”
Danny nodded and walked out of his office. He made an appointment for the following week and then walked out to his car. He called Steve as he sat down in the car.
“Where are you?”
“I just got home. What’s up?”
“You up for some company?”
“Always. You know that.”
“Yeah… I’ll be there in ten.”
Steve was sitting out on the lanai when Danny got there. He let himself in and walked out back. Steve had already grabbed two beers out of the fridge, and one was sitting open on the small table between the chairs.
“Thanks, I need this.”
“So, what’s up, Danny? You left in an awful hurry.”
“I needed to talk to Dr. Newman. He helped me get a little perspective.”
At the mention of Dr. Newman, Steve turned all his attention to Danny; his beer forgotten.
“Danny, why didn’t you come to me if you were having problems?”
Danny sighed heavily. “Steve… I used to be able to come to you and tell you everything, but lately, you’ve just seemed so distant, not yourself. You’ve had so much on your mind, that I didn’t want to pile anything else on.”
“Danny, you can still come to me. I’m… I’m sorry…”
“Steve, you have nothing to be sorry for. You’ve had so much to deal with… Wo Fat, your father, Lori, Kono, the Governor. My problems just don’t seem that important in comparison.”
“Not important? You are very important to me. Don’t you forget that. You are my best friend, and I love you like a brother. I don’t want you to ever feel like you or anything you’re dealing with isn’t important. Okay?”
It took Danny a few moments to reply. “Yeah, yeah… okay.”
Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, and then Danny spoke.
“I feel like everything is wrong… like there’s some great joke everyone is in on but me, and I’m not laughing. It’s not a very good feeling.”
“It’s the team dynamic. With Kono gone and Lori here, everything feels off kilter.”
“Exactly, and Chin seems so… happy.”
“Wait… so you know what I’m talking about?”
“Yeah… I’ve been feeling it too, and I don’t like it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Yeah, yeah… you’re starting to sound like Dr. Newman. Have you been talking to him behind my back?”
Steve chuckled. “No, but he sounds like a smart man.”
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
They both dissolved into laughter. It took a few minutes before either could speak again.
“I really miss Grace. That’s the other thing that’s really bothering me.”
“I do too. She’ll be back soon, though, right?”
“Yeah… but not soon enough.”
“I’m sorry man.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“Really… I feel better now. I don’t feel like I’m alone anymore.”
“You were never alone. I’ve been here the whole time.”