It is easier in the dark. There are no eyes to judge him, no expressions that he has to try to read. It’s easier when he can hear the quiet whispers against the silence of the night. The ones that remind him of camping or sleepovers or of some time when he was a kid, when everything was easy and no one ever judged. A happy time when everything revolved around long bike rides and video games; not the bullshit of being an adult.
So Tommy listens and waits for the silence of the night to fill the small room.
He lies there and waits, fighting his inner demons that don’t want to let the world know the truth. The ones that are still scared, that want to sink into a deep black hole, cover up with a blanket and stay safe. But he knows he has to tell him. It’s just not fair to go on not saying the words.
He tries to hide the sigh that’s been fighting to creep out for the past hour or so. But when he feels Adam pull him closer, he knows he lost that battle, too.
“Tommy?” Adam whispers against his ear.
“It is safer here ya know, in the dark. Like I can tell you the secrets of how the world works and it will just stay between us. It is like no matter what I say, I feel protected and loved.” Tommy says in a hushed breath as he nuzzles into Adam’s chest.
“So what do you need to say, baby?”
“It is just too hard to say.”
“I will keep your secrets safe, baby. Locked away where no one can get to them, I promise.”
Tommy feels the tears pouring out before he can say the words.