“I - -,” Brenda started, but trailed off, not certain what she wanted to say, of what she could say after having turned up at Sharon Raydor’s doorstep late at night, her eyes still red from the tears she had cried.
“You - -,” she tried again, but failed, her shoulders slumping. She didn’t know what she had come here for. All she knew was that after everything that happened, with the transparency audit, the lawsuits and the settlement, Sharon was the only who understood her, who had known what she had wanted, what she deserved.
Lifting her gaze to meet Sharon’s eyes, she was surprised to see them brimming with unshed tears and Brenda could feel that she was starting to cry again. Fritz had just been relieved that it was finally over, had dismissed the Johnson Rule as an administrative detail, like it was nothing. He hadn’t understood her anger, her disappointment. But she could see in the green of Sharon’s eyes that the captain did.
Wordlessly Sharon stepped aside, giving Brenda all the permission she needed to step into her house. She barely registered the scattered, official looking papers on the coffee table, the stilettos haphazardly thrown into a corner, the purple blazer slung across the back of a chair, the half-empty wineglass before she turned to face Sharon.
The captain looked just as lost as she did. It was over. The lawsuit, Goldman badgering them, it was all over and Brenda didn’t know where to go from here, not with her division, not knowing who she could trust, and not knowing what to do with the knowledge that a woman she knew practically nothing about, understood her better than her husband and a man she’d known for over a decade.
“I don’t know what to do,” Brenda confessed softly, needing to say the words out loud. Sharon released a breath and stepped closer, pulling Brenda into an embrace, but didn’t reply to Brenda’s words. She just held her, hands on Brenda’s back, rubbing soothing circles and it was comforting. It felt safe.
She inhaled Sharon’s scent, the faint smell of her shampoo, her faded perfume and underneath it all, something that was completely and utterly the brunette. It was light and sweet, laced with something darker, secretive, hinting at all the things Brenda didn’t know about her, but wanted to. She wanted to know who this woman was that had given her unconditional support for no apparent reason.
Slowly she disentangled herself from Sharon’s arms, looking into the green eyes. Lifting her hands, she traced the small wrinkles around those eyes, feeling the soft skin against her fingertips. She’d never realized how much those wrinkles were a testament to the fact that Sharon was a woman who laughed a lot and yet she’d barely seen her smile.
The captain was a woman she knew, meticulous in her work, rulebook in hand as she single-mindedly attacked whatever problem was thrown her way. Emotionally detached from each case and indifferent to what people thought of her. However the woman behind that mask was a complete mystery, but now that Brenda was standing this close to her, caressing every imperfection on Sharon’s face that made her who she was, she could see the real woman shimmering through.
Brenda held her breath when Sharon took her hands and removed them from her face. She was afraid that she was going to pushed away, sent back out to fend for herself in a world she didn’t completely understand anymore. But instead Sharon brought her hands to her lips and lightly kissed the back of each hand, never taking her eyes off of Brenda’s face.
She wasn’t sure who moved first or if they simply moved simultaneously, but she found herself wrapped in Sharon’s arms again, the older woman’s lips against her own. At that exact moment their lips touched, Brenda realized that it could never have been anything else between them but this. That from the minute Sharon had brushed by her in the hospital over two and half years ago they had been moving toward this moment.
Her hands came up to slide into Sharon impossible soft hair. She tangled her fingers in it, reveling in the feel of the silky texture of the strands against her palms. Her lips parted of her own accord and she felt Sharon tentatively seek entrance, their tongues softly touching, sliding against one another. Brenda pushed herself closer to Sharon wanting to feel as much of the older woman as possible.
Sharon made a soft noise in the back of her throat and she slipped her hands underneath Brenda’s vest to let her warm hands caress Brenda’s back through the fabric of her dress, her fingers tracing her spine. Brenda lightly scraped her nails over the back of Sharon neck before she pulled back from the kiss, slightly out of breath. Sharon closed her eyes and almost unnoticeably shook her head.
“What do you want from me, Brenda?” Sharon asked in a whispered voice. Brenda was taken aback by the question. She’d expected some apology or a statement that she was married and a superior officer and that this was immoral. She hadn’t expected this. Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she tried to come up with a reasonable answer.
“I want you to help me,” she replied finally, breaking the silence. Sharon met her gaze with a question in her eyes.
“With what?” she asked exasperated, her thumbs brushing over Brenda’s hipbones. “I fail to see what I can do for you at this moment.”
“I need you to help me forget. I need you to make me remember who I am. I need you, just you.” Releasing Sharon’s hair, Brenda started unbuttoning her light blue vest and shrugged out of it, throwing it in the general direction of the couch. When Sharon’s only reaction was to part her lips a little, her pupils dilating, Brenda reached behind her and unzipped her dress, letting it pool around her ankles as she stepped out of her shoes.
“I need you,” she repeated, never having felt more vulnerable as she did now, standing in her underwear in front of Sharon who still hadn’t moved a muscle. “Please, help me.”
Sharon reached out, tracing the thin strap of Brenda’s bra, her fingers wandering further down, brushing over the swell of her breast until she let her hand rest over Brenda’s chest, feeling Brenda’s heartbeat. Brenda sighed at the feather light touch and almost arched into Sharon hands, but she didn’t want to rush Sharon or ruin this moment.
“Are you certain?” Sharon’s other hand came to rest on her hip, a single finger slipping underneath the waistband of Brenda’s panties, drawing over the imprint the elastic had left there. “Are you certain that you want me to help? You might not get what you are looking for.”
“I trust you,” Brenda said, reaching out to cup Sharon cheek, but Sharon grabbed her wrist tightly before she could touch her, forcing her hand back down. Brenda opened her mouth to protest, but was cut off when Sharon pressed a finger against her lips.
“You don’t touch me. You don’t talk,” Sharon said, almost ordered. Brenda snapped her mouth shut and let her hands fall limply by her side. The older woman looked at her, all the emotions that had previously been in her eyes gone. Wrapping her fingers around Brenda’s wrist, she tugged Brenda down a hallway. Brenda compliantly followed, unable to keep her eyes of the woman’s bare feet, her long legs, partially covered by the black skirt and the sway of her hips.
She felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest out of anticipation. The not knowing what Sharon was going to do to her only turning her on, sending waves of arousal through her body, combined with a pleasant fear. Barely anything had happened and yet she knew that trusting Sharon was had been the right decision.
Sharon gently pushed her inside the bedroom, closing the door behind them. Brenda shivered when she felt the brunette’s hot breath against the back of her neck. Sharon’s nails lightly scratched over her shoulder blades, before she moved her fingers underneath her bra strap and unhooked it. Brenda moved just enough to let Sharon slip the bra down her arms and discard it.
“Walk over to the bed and don’t move, don’t look at me,” Sharon whispered in her ear, before sinking her teeth in Brenda’s earlobe, giving it a soft tug. As soon as she released it, Brenda could feel her presence disappear from the vicinity of her body. On shaky legs she walked over to the foot of the bed and stared at the dark red sheets, ears straining to hear what the captain was doing behind her back.
She was startled when seemingly out of nowhere Sharon was back behind her, pulling Brenda close to her body. Brenda hummed when all she could feel was naked skin. Hard nipples pressed into her back and Sharon hips rolled against Brenda’s still clad ass. She ached to turn around and see Sharon and touch her, but she managed to restrain herself.
“Close your eyes.” Sharon’s voice was low, hoarse, and it sent shivers down her spine. She obliged and wasn’t as surprised as she thought she would be when she felt a soft fabric covering her eyes and it was being tied behind the back of her head. A hand was put on her back and gently pushed her down until she felt the bed underneath her hands.
Everything became hypersensitive now that her vision had been taken away. She nearly jumped when she felt Sharon scratch the back of her thighs, starting at the back of knees and ending at the edge of her panties. She twitched and bit back a whimper. Sharon repeated the process a few times, intensifying the pressure with each time. Brenda dug her nails in the sheet and hissed, craving the burning pain when suddenly Sharon’s touch disappeared and she nearly cried out in frustration.
A few long lasting moments later, she felt long fingers hook in the waistband of her panties and slowly drag them down her legs, Sharon’s breath caressing the sensitive skin of her thighs. Brenda compliantly stepped out of the panties. Ever so lightly, completely to opposite of the harsh touch of Sharon’s nails, the older woman stroked her calves, the inside of her thighs.
“Spread your legs,” Sharon ordered softly. Brenda obeyed, feeling Sharon’s hands slide further up her thighs, almost touching where she desperately wanted to be touched, but just as she thought Sharon might give her that, the woman’s hands moved to the back of her thighs and she smoothed her palms over Brenda’s ass, letting them come to rest on her hips.
Brenda whimpered when Sharon pressed a soft kiss right in the centre of her spine while at the same time Sharon’s hips brushed against her ass. There was a faint scratch of Sharon’s short curls against her skin and Brenda couldn’t help herself when she pushed back to feel more of the older woman. Sharon’s nails dug into her hips, sending a spark of pain through her body, as she stopped Brenda’s movement.
“Don’t move,” Sharon hissed and gave Brenda a shove. The action took Brenda by surprised and she fell forward, sprawled spread-eagle on the bed. She didn’t dare to move a muscle. She waited for Sharon to give her an order, to touch her, breathing heavily, inhaling the woman’s scent off the sheets that were soft against her body.
The pressure on the bed shifted and Brenda suspected that Sharon was hovering above her on all fours, her knees besides Brenda’s hips, her hands just next to her ribs. Something impossibly soft brushed against her back, it’s almost ticklish and Brenda realized that Sharon was torturing her, driving her insane by just letting the ends of hair touch Brenda’s back.
She gasped when Sharon grabbed a fistful of hair, tugging her head up so she could sink her teeth into the skin of the crook between her shoulder and her neck and bite down, almost hard enough to draw blood. Brenda welcomed the sting, allowing the pain to travel through her body so it reached every nerve ending. Sharon released her shoulder and soothed the bite mark with her tongue, tracing its indentations.
“Turn over.” Carefully Brenda managed to get her arms underneath her body and was able to push herself up long enough for her to twist around between Sharon’s arms and legs until she was lying flat on her back.
Sharon softly scratched her nails from Brenda’s shoulders to her wrists. There she stopped and grabbed Brenda’s wrists, forcing her arms above her head where she guided Brenda’s fingers to curl around the headboard. For a brief moment Sharon’s hands disappeared and were then replaced by the soft caress of silky fabric, winding around her wrists, tying them together and to the headboard.
Brenda jerked against the fabric, testing how much room she had to move, but found that Sharon had done an expert job. The knot barely gave her any freedom. She could move her fingers and maneuver her arms a bit sideways, but nothing more. The realization hit her that she was completely at Sharon’s mercy. The older woman could do as she pleased with her now. She could torment her for hours with barely there touches and caresses or she could simply walk out the room and leave Brenda alone and tied up.
A light brushing of Sharon’s lips against her own surprised her. Brenda could feel the captain looming over her, but she didn’t touch her anywhere else, just her lips. The second she responded to the kiss, Sharon stopped, pulling back. Brenda wanted to sigh in frustration. She craved to be touched, kissed, scratched, bitten, anything, but not this arduous torture of not being touched.
Sharon kissed her again, a little more forceful this time, increasing pressure to her lips before she allowed her tongue to flick out, running over Brenda’s bottom lip. Brenda willingly parted her lips, seeking a deeper kiss, but Sharon immediately discontinued. When after a few moments still nothing had happened, Brenda opened her mouth to ask if Sharon was going to do something, forgetting that she had to stay silent, Sharon crashed her mouth to hers.
Brenda moaned at the harsh kiss, the way their lips bruised, teeth clashed, at how Sharon’s tongue moved inside her mouth, claiming her. Brenda longed to kiss her back, but was afraid that if she did Sharon would stop again. She let herself be kissed in a way that made her toes curl and made her grab the restraint around her wrists.
Sharon’s tongue brushed against her own, tasting the deep recesses of her mouth before the brunette wrapped her lips around Brenda’s bottom lip and sucked on it. Brenda inhaled sharply when Sharon’s fingertips brushed against the underside of breasts, trailing upwards to trace around her nipples, turning them into hard peeks.
At the exact moment that Sharon let her fingers wander over her nipples, caressing them, she bit down harshly on Brenda’s bottom lip, piercing the soft flesh. Brenda cried out softly, pleasure and pain mixed until it became one blur and she could taste her own blood on her tongue. Sharon kissed her delicately, easing the throbbing pain in her lip.
Sharon raked her nails over Brenda’s breasts, amplifying her pressure when she reached her nipples. Brenda arched up into her hands as Sharon pinched her nipples hard, sending another wave of pain that changed into pleasure through Brenda’s body. Throwing her head back, Brenda tore her mouth away from Sharon’s lips, baring her throat in the process.
The older woman didn’t waste any time when she latched onto Brenda’s pulse point, worrying the thin skin that covered the pulsating vein between her teeth before she sucked on it, undoubtedly leaving a mark while her hands never left Brenda’s breasts, alternating between squeezing them roughly and rolling the nipples between her well-practiced fingers, teasing Brenda into insanity.
As she kissed her way down to Brenda’s collarbone, one of Sharon’s hand moved away from her breast and started drawing random patterns on her quivering stomach with her nail. Sharon kissed between her breasts, sucking on the skin there, leaving another mark, before pressing butterfly kisses to one breast. Her sharp teeth sunk into the overly sensitive skin of her nipple and she cried out.
“Jesus, Sharon,” she breathed. The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted them and clamped her mouth shut, fearing what Sharon would do. Sharon’s hands and mouth vanished. In the absolute silence of the room, Brenda could hear own heart beat loudly. Every muscle in her body was tense. Was this it? Had she ruined it?
A painfully tight grip on her upper arms forced her arms into the pillow, an intense pain shooting through her shoulders as her muscles strained against the restraints. Sharon’s breath washed over face and she could practically see the deadly glare through the blindfold. She squirmed against the uncomfortable position.
“If you say one more word, I have absolutely no problem leaving you here alone, tied up and blindfolded on my bed until morning,” Sharon said, her voice low and menacing, unlike anything Brenda had ever heard from the captain. She didn’t doubt the validity of the words for one second. “Do I make myself clear?”
Brenda nodded breathlessly and for the first time she was thankful for the blindfold that now protected her from a look that would have been lethal had she been able to see it. The muscles in her arms relaxed gratefully when Sharon released her iron grip on her arms. Brenda suspected that she might have left bruises, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
Sharon lips returned to the nipple she had previously bitten, dragging her tongue over it. Brenda felt the dread leave her body and now found herself wishing she wasn’t restrained and blindfolded, just so she could slide her fingers in Sharon’s hair that now brushed against her skin, so she could see how the older woman looked as she carefully paid attention to her breast before moving to the other.
She could just imagine the sight, Sharon’s dark hair against her pale skin, moving as she bobbed her head to lap at Brenda’s nipple, her perfect lips moving over her flesh, her green eyes dark with lust, but Brenda couldn’t actually see her and that frustrated her. She fidgeted on the bed, accidentally brushing her knee against what she suspected was Sharon’s thigh. The older woman froze and Brenda could have sworn she heard a tiny whimper. She felt a ridiculous amount of pride that she could have elicited a reaction from Sharon like this.
“Don’t force me to restrain your legs too,” Sharon whispered in her ear and Brenda felt her pride ebb away at the threatening tone and stopped moving, lying perfectly still in the centre of the bed, her knee still resting against Sharon’s thigh. The brunette jerked it away. ”Because you know I’ll do it.”
Digging her nails in Brenda’s skin beside her breasts, Sharon dragged them down her sides past the dip in her waist and over her hips. The scratches stung and continued to burn first painfully, then pleasantly and the burn shot like an electric current through her body, settling between her legs. Brenda clenched her thighs together, hoping to get some pressure where she needed it, but Sharon inserted a knee between them, stopping her.
“Last warning, Brenda. Don’t move, don’t even make a sound if you don’t want me to stop. If you don’t want me to leave you wet and in desperate need of my touch.” To emphasize her point, Sharon ran her fingers over Brenda’s slick folds, wetness coating her fingertips. “And you are so wet for me.”
Brenda felt relieved when Sharon finally touched her where she wanted, no matter how light it was. She wanted to cry with frustration when that swift caress was all she got for now. Sharon’s hands wandered over her thighs from her hips to her knees, gently squeezing her muscles before sliding her hands to the inside of Brenda’s legs and slowly pushing them apart.
There was a light touch just underneath her chin that trailed down the column of her throat, between her breasts. The barely there touches of Sharon’s fingertips sent tingles through her body, raising the hairs on her arms. Brenda had to put all her strength into not squirming underneath the touch, not even when Sharon fingers moved over her stomach, through the short curls between her legs.
A single digit slipped between her folds, brushing over her clit before it went lower, teasing around her entrance. Brenda had stop herself from moaning and from pushing her hips against Sharon’s hand. The brunette’s motions stilled for a few everlasting moments. Brenda could feel her wetness trickling down her thighs, over Sharon’s fingers.
Without warning two fingers were pushed inside her and Brenda had to bite back a cry. The only thing that prevented her from arching off the bed was Sharon’s hand on her stomach, holding her down. Involuntarily she clenched around Sharon’s fingers before the older woman extracted them. Brenda attempted to get her irregular breathing under control when she felt a wet touch against her lips.
Sharon traced Brenda’s lips and Brenda parted them, sucking Sharon’s fingers into her mouth, swirling her tongue around them to clean her own arousal off of them. Grateful to have some semblance of control again, she hungrily lapped at Sharon’s fingers until she could only taste Sharon’s skin and the older woman removed her fingers.
She could feel Sharon settle between her legs as the brunette kissed her stomach, dipping her tongue into Brenda’s bellybutton. Sharon left openmouthed kisses on her stomach and hips, lightly scraping her teeth over the bone. Sharon’s mouth trailed lower over her thighs. The sudden feeling of teeth sinking into the inside of her thigh almost made Brenda jump and whimper.
Before the pain had fully subsided, Sharon had spread her legs wider and exhaled against Brenda’s sex. At the first swipe of Sharon’s tongue between her folds, Brenda lost all coherent thoughts and was certain she was going to lose her mind. Balling her hands into fists, she dug her nails into her palms as the muscles in her arms struggled against the restraints.
She wanted to be released from the ties and the blindfold. She wanted to run her hands through Sharon’s hair, wanted to see how she looked between her legs. She wanted to moan and tell her how good she felt. But she knew that wasn’t what she needed. She needed exactly what Sharon was giving her, to have all of her control taken away, to not be able to do anything but let the pain and the pleasure wash over her.
Sharon’s tongue flicked against her clit, before her teeth scraped over it. Brenda gasped for breath and couldn’t help herself when she rolled her hips against Sharon’s mouth. She was so grateful when Sharon didn’t stop, but instead pinned her hips to the mattress, halting her movements as she pushed her tongue inside Brenda.
With every movement of Sharon’s tongue, she felt herself come closer to her orgasm. She’d been teased for so long now, for so many minutes, hours, she didn’t even know, having lost all sense of time. She was desperate and so close. When Sharon wrapped her lips around her clit and sucked, it was almost enough.
Brenda wanted to sob when Sharon stopped just as she was so incredibly close to coming. She wanted to curse the older woman when she felt her moving away from between her legs when Sharon covered Brenda’s body with her own, capturing her lips in a deep kiss that allowed Brenda to taste herself on the brunette’s tongue.
Eagerly Brenda returned the kiss, reveling in the feel of Sharon’s naked body pressing down on her own, breasts touching, nipples rubbing against one another and the sensation was almost enough to push her over the edge as Sharon softly scratched from her elbows to her shoulders, before she rolled off Brenda, settling beside her body.
Sharon’s hand slipped between her legs, softly moving over her oversensitive flesh as her lips wandered over her jaw and cheek, pressing incredibly soft kisses to her skin. She nipped at Brenda’s jaw with her teeth, before soothing the marks with more kisses.
“Why did you come here? Are you afraid of reality? Is this the only way you can deal with everything that has happened?” Sharon asked as she thrust two fingers into Brenda. Her voice was as cold and detached as it was when she was barking orders to her employees. Brenda feared where Sharon was going with this.
She didn’t want to think about why she had gone to Sharon’s house in the middle of the night. She didn’t want to know why she was letting the older woman do this her. Sharon curled her fingers before sliding them back out. She let them brush against her clit and Brenda tried to concentrate on Sharon’s fingers, rather than her words, but failed.
“You said you wanted to remember who you are. But do you really? What if you’ve changed so much that you don’t recognize yourself. What if you don’t like what you find?” Sharon entered her again, with three fingers this time and she pressed her palm against Brenda’s clit. Brenda felt utterly powerless, unable to reply, unable to control her body.
Brenda felt tears pricking behind her closed eyes as she tried to avoid finding the answers to Sharon’s questions. Who had she become during this lawsuit? Somewhere along the way she had lost herself, had turned into someone she didn’t recognize when she looked in a mirror. Sharon had seen that it in her and was forcing Brenda to acknowledge it.
She was losing herself in Sharon’s softly spoken words, in the way her lips softly brushed against her shoulder, the gentleness of the gesture breaking something in Brenda as Sharon’s fingers twisted inside of Brenda. Lights started going off behind her closed eyelids. She’d come so close to losing it all, she’d almost thrown it all away, walked away from what she had achieved over the past seven years.
“Who are you?” Sharon asked, whispered in her ear and Brenda shattered, her orgasm ripping through her body, setting every muscle on fire. In that one clear moment she knew exactly who she was, that even with a leak in her team and the Johnson Rule, she was going to keep doing her job, she was going to continue fighting for what she believed in.
An intense feeling of relief came over her and her tears started soaking into the blindfold as she cried, all the pain, sadness and guilt she had kept stored up over the past months washing over her body at once. She couldn’t control herself when sobs wrecked her body, the sound of her crying filling the silent room.
Brenda didn’t realize that Sharon had released her restraints until her fingers gently removed her blindfold. She curled up and Sharon pulled Brenda close to her body, cradling her, running a hand through her hair as Brenda rested her head on Sharon’s chest, her tears rolling down her face onto Sharon skin. Wrapping an arm around Sharon’s waist, her aching muscles screaming in protest, she tried to get closer to the older woman, never wanting to let her go, wanting to stay like this for as long as possible.
“It’s over,” Sharon whispered against her hair, kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay. You’re going to be alright.”
When Brenda felt she had regained control over her body, she opened her eyes, blinking against the weak light. She could see a tear roll down Sharon’s cheek and she reached up to wipe it away. There were no words that could convey her gratitude towards the woman that had given her precisely what she needed without questions, without any problems, without hesitating. Nobody else would have done it, could have done it.
She moved up and kissed Sharon slowly, cupping her cheek, tracing her cheekbone with her thumb as she felt another tear roll down the captain’s cheek. She pulled away from the kiss and captured it with her lips. A soft whimper escaped from Sharon’s lips and Brenda looked at her, at her green eyes, relief clearly written in them, at the faint smile tugging at her lips.
“Sharon, I - -,” Brenda started, searching for the right words to say Sharon, but she was cut off by the older woman kissing her.
“Don’t talk. Sleep now. We can talk tomorrow,” Sharon said, her voice a little hoarse. Brenda nodded weakly. She watched as Sharon pushed herself up to get the covers and was taken aback by the sheer beauty of her body, by the testament of her age, her pregnancies, by the way the imperfections created a flawless image.
Sharon laid back down, pulling the covers with her over hers and Brenda’s body. Brenda closed her eyes when Sharon pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Sharon helped her roll over and then spooned up behind her, settling a hand on Brenda’s stomach. The warmth of Sharon’s body enveloped her. Brenda’s body ached, the different marks Sharon had left burned and throbbed, but Brenda smiled, feeling sleep taking over. She was going to be alright.