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Sburb Glitch FAQ

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Alright so the earthsea borealis thing is pretty stupid. Remember when you finished terraforming and you had to deal with your denizen? It's pretty much the same stunt. Sburb likes to throw you a curved ball at the end of the major arcs of the Land quests. Technically, the term [Earthsea Borealis] is just the name of a location. FAQs use the term to refer to the sequence of event that concludes the [Savior of the Waking World] arc. So that means, you get another fake boss battle that is a piss poor excuse for a sudoku-flavored traumatic brainfuck

I mean sure, by that point, you're pretty used to sburb being bats up the belfry crazy. You defeated your denizen and IT WAS STUPID but now you know what's up in this game world. You’ve adapted to things being stupid. It pretty much flows through you. If you'd cut open your veins, blood wouldn’t come out anymore. No, the typed up words THIS IS STUPID would flow out because at this point you’re pretty much made of the stuff. You’re past caring about how stupid all of this is. You’ve got things to do, you’ve got a game to win and you're all out of shrugs.

But the earthsea borealis thing is still going to be stupid.

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[QUESTION] What is the earthsea borealis anyway?

A floating island.

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[QUESTION] How do you get up there anyway?

Oh man, I hate this part. See, you have to do a bunch of quests that allow you to reach the island and you can't trigger the boss fight if you don't do them. If you do sequence breaking to skip ahead, it will be a colossal waste of time. I know that because it's what I did. I spent two months to prepare the PERFECT STUNT so I could perform the sweetest acrobatic bike flip and land snugly on my floating island.

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Ok so I almost died a few times and I died for real one time but that’s another story but then I managed to land on the floating and it was boring. No boss fight or anything. It was just a bunch of rocks that were doing the harry houdini up in the sky instead of chilling on the ground. I just stood there and put my hands in my pocket and pretended I was cool. But I wasn’t. You have to follow the end-of-arc events in the right sequence, starting from when the island first appears.

This is stupid.

[QUESTION] So when exactly does this end-of-arc stuff begins?

Well that's the thing, you can't really know for sure.

It's like a sudden change of mood in the game and it always catches people off-guard. Basically it follows the same pattern as the terraforming arc. During terraforming, you had to grind on an infinite amount of quests until you reach some kind of arbitrary maturity trigger and then you slay your denizen to move to the next arc. The game pulls the same stunt again. The [Savior of the Waking World] is just an infinite amount of quests where you have to save stuff that is going wrong. Then the earthsea borealis happens and you transition to the next story arc. It's a pretty basic formula

==>quests are generated out of a a big pool ==>you grind on them until you reach X maturity parameter ==>end-of-arc / boss fight / mindfuck ==>transition to new arc ==>new status quo to challenge, return to first step

Some FAQs call this formula the [The Changing Game] but that's just unimportant game theory. The important part is that you just grind on quests until you're done. That's all there is to it. I'm not sure what's the ending trigger for [Savior of the Waking World]. It's not like it matters that much. I think it's something stupid like [when you don’t care if this adventure would go on forever]. Anyway that's when things are about to get hella weird. That's the earthsea borealis for ya, ruining all your shit like a birthday party where nobody came. That's the changing game.

[QUESTION] So what happens when the arc ends?

ok picture this:

So you’ve been roaming your Land for a good and you know every corner of it. You’re ragged and dirty saving stuff left and right like a goddamn cartoon hero and you don’t even care anymore. You’re beaten up and smiling about it. You’ve got this Land business under control. How come nobody told you that being a real estate investor was so simple? You can practically write a business book on land ownership. "First you slay the terrible monster who rules the land, and then you must go on a magical adventure to heal it".

Yep this is exactly how business investment works. You are so INTO THIS.

So one day after a big adventure full of THIS IS STUPID, you collapse in the middle of a big field while looking at the sky and you grin like an idiot and you don't even know why and that's when shit gets weird. You hear a familiar sound that you never expected to hear again. It’s the fucking Knell. The same Knell that you performed a long time ago, when you claimed this world as your own. Except you’re not the one doing it, and I don't know why but everybody understands naturally what it means: someone is challenging YOU for ownership of the Land.

So like just a moment prior you were cooking up all the hardboiled feelings in the world and now you’re like "oh god what kind of stunt is this". It makes you wonder a thousand things. Like, what was that Knell? Is that the earfuck version of being slapped with a glove by a dapper victorian man? Since when are people allowed to challenge you? Who is challenging you? Is it one of your friends? Isn’t it against the bro code to take someone’s planet? I mean I guess you could borrow someone’s bike for a stunt or two, that's kinda borderline but sure why not, but you can’t just waltz in and be like "sup bro nice planet" and then borrow it indefinitely like a jar of nutella that you return empty later on I mean that’s just unconscionable man.

But nope, it’s not another player that you have to duel. It’s some game construct called the god damn nightmare heir or something. It's a copy-pasted version of the code for creating dreamselves, but slightly tweaked into a total nutjob. You have to clash with it on the earthsea borealis but it's not really a fight. It's just another sudoku with your feelings. Even your THIS IS STUPID blood type can’t prepare you for that.

[STATEMENT] There's no floating island on my Land, dude. I know my stuff. I'm a real estate entrepreneur. I can practically write a book on the subject.

Oh yeah some people get confused over that. The floating island appears at the end of arc. Until then, the chunk of Land that becomes the earthsea borealis is inert on the ground. It's normal if your Land doesn't have anything flying around at first, you can set phasers to chill out. It just means that later, a chunk of continent will be all like "fuck gravity" and become the next boss area.

If you wanna be hardcore, you can find the earthsea borealis area before that happens. It can look like anything so there's no physical pointer but there's a trick. That battleground has an abnormally high Land Growth factor so you just have to drill a bunch of holes and look for the spot that heals really fricking fast. That'll be the earthsea borealis area. It's usually placed on the side of your Land, in such a manner that Skaia looks permanently like a sunset.

Oh and also, once the thing starts floating, you should check the terrain depression where the earthsea boralis used to be. There’s always some secret thingy or cool dungeon under it. But I shouldn’t have to spell it out, this is a game secret 101 thing. Like checking under the elevator after it goes up.

[QUESTION] I heard the knell but there's no bunch of rocks doing the harry houdini up in the sky. Where's my island dude?

Oh if you're unlucky, you can get an non-standard Earthsea Borealis that is underwater, or underground, or that is nearly invisible because it's made of glass, or something equally stupid like that. Sburb has a crapload of special exception and I'm trying to keep it simple. If things look unusual, just keep poking around.

[QUESTION] What if my Land already has an important-looking flying island?

Oops that's probably because you're the Time Player of your session. There's a special exception here. Time Players don't have to mess around with this end-of-arc event, they have a Duty that supersedes it.

I mean, if something terribly wrong happens to a session, Time Players have the Duty to scratch the game. The installation parameters for a duty always take an existing structure and then patch it to turn it into a unique structure related to that Duty. For the Time Player, it’s the earthsea borealis island that is replaced. It's turned into some thing called the Beat Mesa which looks a lot like the earthsea borealis. It's usually musical-oriented for some reason. It's a gizmo for fucking with time. It doesn't have anything to do with the earthsea borealis quests anymore so the Time Players skip it and move to the next arc, although they get a ton of dialog bugs with their consorts because of it.

It’s just like how Space Player have a Duty that causes their Denizen Lair to be replaced by the Forge. Hence why the Space Player’s denizen is just chilling outside on the Land, totally peaceful, ready to offer a denizen blessing and with no Slaying of the Beast. It’s probably an unfixed bug, the useless Denizen should probably have been deleted. Funny how many of the most useful features of Sburb are clearly some kind of overlooked glitch.

But yeah if you’re the Time Player, this chapters stop concerning you. You get a floating island but it's used for something else. Don’t worry, you’re not missing on anything. Time Players have to deal with their own death enough times already.

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[QUESTION] Ok. Shit just went full RPG and now there's a fricking floating island on my Land. I don’t know, maybe the property value just went up? I’ll have to update my business notes. Let me light up a cigar. Okay, what happens next, do I need to call my lawyer and assemble a legal team?

Well this part isn’t too hard to figure out. I'm still not sure how I managed to miss it when I decided to flip a bike stunt and land on my island. Actually you just have to talk to your consorts and bring up the subject of the Knell you heard. The end-of-arc event gives your consorts a global dialog option if you mention a "strange challenge" and a "mysterious floating island that casts its shadow upon your Land".

Of course your consorts are just going to comically freak out and urge you to seek the counsel of the Secret Consort. That’s your hint that this is related to the story arc: you always go back to the Secret Consort to hear (cryptic) advices and prophecies on how to save the world. And by saving the world, I mean, conducting your land ownership ventures.

But yeah, consulting the Secret Consort wouldn’t be half-annoying if it wasn’t for that dialog glitch. The one that resets conversation all the time. It forces you to behold the consort again at the start of each conversation. Fuck the infinite beholding glitch. It's easily one of the top 10 worst bug in Sburb. I’m just gonna spoil everything to save you from drying up your eyes: blah blah something about the Land falling asleep blah blah something bad came from a nightmare blah blah some references about the "things below" as foreshadowing for the Underworld blah blah the knell was an echo blah blah floating island blah blah battle of destiny blah blah one shall stand one shall fall blah blah okay so you have to reach the island and defeat the nightmare heir. There, that's it. The game lore sucks in this game.

[QUESTION] What kind of boss is it?

Well it's you, except as a huge asshole?

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Shittiest boss in the game. Everybody hates it. It's a game abstraction, but like, at the same title that your dreamself is a game abstraction. It's pretty close to being a dreamself. The thing’s official name is the Eldritch Heir That Came From The Nightmare or something like that. It’s a pretty dumb name. Some people just use the first word and call it the Eldritch, which is also a dumb name since it’s an adjective and not a word. At least it’s shorter to type. Adjectives being used as words is something you can stomach with all the THIS IS STUPID flowing in your veins.

But otherwise, people turn around its title and call it the nightmare heir. If you start poking for more in-game lore, everything tells you that it "comes from the nightmare" or "is made of nightmare" or something like that. Sometimes that boss gets a special nicknames depending on your land/session. It’s just the weird game lore.

[QUESTION] Ok what’s up with that, why is it an heir? What if I’m not an heir?

Right, that can be confusing.

It’s called an heir but it isn’t related to the [Heir] title. It’s like how every player is technically a prince (or princess) of a dream kingdoms but it’s unrelated to the [Prince] title. There are too many things in Sburb, the same word doesn't always mean the same thing. In this case, the word "heir" refers to your quest to prove yourself as the rightful heir to a Land. You know, that stuff about starting as [Heir Sans Parent], going through [Heir Conditioning] with your land quest and at the end you’re [Heir Transparent] because you got your shit together. It’s the whole reason you claim the Land and slay the big evil monster that governs it and then you heal it so it can be all yours. It’s the story for the main quest thing.

To be honest, it's not very important to remember. I told you that the game lore sucks in this game. I mean what if you have the Heir title alaready? Does that make you a double heir or something? This is stupid. It's like some random guy sat down and started writing whatever headcanon they though would vaguely fit the scenario of this game. But anyway.

In game terms you are the true heir of the Land and that thing is the nightmare heir because it’s, like, the fake you. Think of it as fighting your shadow? It looks like a pitch black sillouette of yourself, except for a white mouth that’s always grinning. And it talks. Oh, it talks. Shit is pretty unreal. But before you get to that part, you need to be able to fight that unreal heir.

[QUESTION] Ok so if you can't bike stunt unto the island (which I agree is really dumb) when what are you supposed to do?

I know, this part is so fricking dumb. You're challenged by some evil twin to a big-ass battle of destiny and then NOTHING HAPPENS. That dude just stays on a floating island in the sky. It’s obnoxious. You can't just challenge someone and then expect the bloke to come to you. The lore in this game makes no sense. This is not how duels are supposed to work. The breach of duelling protocol is THROUGH THE ROOF.

But yeah you need to unlock something first before you can fight on the island.

Just ask your Secret Consort (sup, more beholding) about what to do and it will direct you (sup cryptic answers) through a series of special quests that involve your Land Familiars. It’s those small flying critters that buzz around your Land. These little dudes are apparently important now, I wish I was kidding. You need to do a whole bunch of pre-requisite quests that involves these things and unlock something called the [Heirfare]. That’s how you reach the earthsea borealis. With that heirfare thing.

[QUESTION] Heirfare? You’re just making things up, aren’t you?

Dude no this thing is totally sweet.

Ok so the heirfare quests are long and stupid and there isn't much to say about it and they differ between lands. There are a few FAQs on the subject if you have specific problems. The only annoying glitch is that you have to start the quests from the start if you don't do them in the right order, and their quest dialogs are bugged and they tell you to do them in the wrong order. But it's pretty trivial and you should be fine so I'll just skip ahead.

Once you got your heirfare quests under your belt, playing the [Song of your Land] will now call land familiars to you. It will call a LOT of land familiars. Like seriously you'll just stand there and play/sing stuff and you'll summon a goddamn storm of flying critters. It'll just get more and more stupid. I'm talking about stuff that makes the wooshes of a jet engine and then you’re like "woah that’s a lot of winged bastards" and you have to keep playing because it's not over yet and a whole lot more of these guyts are going to come and waltz around you until they block the light from sky.

I call it the reverse scarecrow. Or the lord of the flies, except the flies came too early for the corpse party.

Alright so when you’ve summoned enough of these fuckers (like, all of them), they sorta gather together? And then there is this hefty puff of smoke and they assemble into one gigantic land familiar. That’s the heirfare. Hop on that sweet stuff bro because it’s your new ride. I hope for your sake that your land familiars are cool. I had butterflies in my first session and fuck, I love butterflies. But If I had to ride a giant wasp then it would challenge my strict policy of clean pants.

[STATEMENT] Fascinating.

Right.

Okay so whatever you get as Land Familiar, you just hop on the oversized version. There you go, now you’re king of the sky. It’s like in RPGs when you finally get a cool transport for flying around the world map.

Except it’s way too late.

It would have been great if you had access to your personal airline WHEN YOU WERE ROAMING THE WORLD. You just FINISHED doing that. You get this convenient flying thing when your surface adventures are OVER. The heirfare is only useful for taking you to the earthsea borealis. A trip that lasts, like, five minutes top. It would have been great if you had this big dumb flying right eons ago, to barf on bullies and chase them into dumpsters but nooooooo. It's like every bit of game design in Sburb is there to mess with you. The trip to the earthsea borealis is called the [Expedition] but because of some obscure meme, a lot of FAQs call the heirfare a [Flying Car]. I'll never understand that one.

[QUESTION] Sorry bro, I have an alternative way to fly. I don’t have time to frolick around like an elf and summon some spirit animal bullshit, see you later losers

Oh man, I wish you could just skip the heirfare but you can't. It's like when you enter an area of the game too soon and it doesn't work properly. I mean, at this point of the game, it’s not unlikely that some players in the session are flight-enabled. Maybe they did satyride quest until they had the rocket code, or maybe yet someone became god tier because oops murder and plot shit? Well it doesn’t matter; the proper way to do the earthsea borealis sequence is to get your heirfare and fly to it. At least you don't need to ride it EVERY TIME you want to face the nightmare heir, just the first time, to kickstart the boss fight.

[QUESTION] Wait, you have to fight on the earthsea borealis several times?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Sorry, it's just, I don't know it's just funny. Anyway: you just have to win once but good luck with that bro. It’s gonna take as many tries as it takes. It takes some time to get it right. It’s something called the [Trial And Execution]. Because that's what the fight on the earthsea borealis basically is. It's a trial and then an execution. But a lot of people just nickname that boss fight the [Negastrife] because there's a graphic bug and the colors for "STRIFE" are inverted when you fight the heir thing.