Work Text:
From the Royal Library of Hyneria
Okay? Okay. Crichton said that I should try this to help clear my head. I hope it's working right. I think he pushes this button and talks. Right?
He said that sometimes he doesn't feel like talking, but he makes himself talk anyway, for half an arn sometimes, and sometimes he just sits and is quiet but he leaves the recorder on and just thinks.
I think Crichton thinks too much.
I don't feel like talking much these days. Maybe I'll try that quiet thing for a while.
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This is boring. Why did I think this was a good idea anyway? It's all Crichton's fault. I can't say no to him. It's a good thing he's not a Hynerian, or I'd be in a lot of dren.
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I don't know why Crichton even does this. He said that he doesn't listen to the things he says, usually, and he has to keep recording over the old tapes.
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I don't need help thinking. I think just fine on my own.
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It's weird being out here all alone. I mean, I'm not alone, I've got friends, but you know what I mean. Don't you? Maybe you don't any more.
All I ever wanted was to be free, but freedom is strange. There's all this responsibility with it. I thought it'd be a lark, taking what I wanted, frelling whoever I wanted, come and go as I please. But when you're free, you have to be careful. When you have friends or family that you care about, you want to be good, to make them happy. I try. I really do. But you know how I am.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't that way.
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This is stupid.
* * *
Crichton told me that if he doesn't feel like talking, sometimes he'll say things just to say them. I told him that doesn't make sense. He laughed at me, then he said if I have trouble, just think of something pretty and describe it.
So I snurched something from a Bajzhic trader a few days ago, when we were in port there. It's got bits of glass all arranged in a pretty picture. Well, it did, until Rygel tried to take it from me, and it fell on the floor and broke. It cut my hand when I picked it up.
I kept the biggest piece. I had one of the DRDs melt the sides with one of its welding tools, so it's not sharp any more. I think I might like it better now. The picture was interesting, but now that I'm looking at just a small part of it, I'm concentrating on it more. Appreciating it. It's like...the more I look at just this small piece, the more I think I understand the whole picture it was a part of.
That sounds like something Zhaan told me once. I miss her, too.
The glass on this part is mostly green, and the lantic particles inside make it glow like the sea on Kalsian. Remember? It was nice there. Peaceful. I don't usually like quiet places, but I remember watching the sunset with you and wishing that we didn't have to ever leave.
It was nice there.
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It's weird being on Moya without you here. Sometimes when I walk around a corner, I expect to see you coming at me with that scowl on your face. I don't cry much any more, but Aeryn and Crichton still give me funny looks when I walk into command or when I go to see their narl.
They named him after you, did I tell you that? He's cute, for a Sebacean. Loud, too. Really screams his head off when somebody makes him mad! He really lives up to his name.
Hey, I think we're landing.
* * *
It's been a while since I did this. We got to Hyneria, and things were busy. All those stories Rygel told us were true, or mostly true. His people actually love him. It's been two weekens, and there hasn't been a microt where there wasn't a feast or a parade or some kind of party going on. It's totally drad. I think you'd have liked it here, even if it is filled with Hynerians.
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I stick out like Stark in a tralkhouse. There aren't a lot of off-worlders here in the capital, and everybody is so short Rygel is actually pretty tall for his species, can you believe that?, so I can't have any real fun. Even if I did want to snurch something, nobody would care. Rygel told everyone right when we arrived that I should be given all the consideration of his Most-favored Concubine, but that I'm not answerable to him in the same way. I almost wanted to kiss him. Not quite, but almost. Who would have thought he could be so considerate?
So I get to take what I want and go where I want and do whatever I want with no consequences.
It's kind of boring.
I started spying on Rygel the other day to pass the time. Sometimes I can make myself see through walls on purpose, when I want to. I told Crichton and Aeryn about it on our way here, and Crichton made me practice, said it might be useful if I could control my "fun-kee eye thing". So I did practice, and I can control it more often than I can't. I didn't tell anybody about the other things I can see, though. I thought that maybe...well, it's kind of silly, really, but. I thought maybe I could make it a business, you know? Maybe see if I can find sevva crystal deposits or something, and have people pay me for my services?
I don't know if it would work that way. I guess the worst I could do is be somebody's bodyguard. How much do you think I could get for being a walking weapons detector?
* * *
Aeryn and Crichton left today. I already miss them. They stayed a lot longer than I thought they would, I think to make sure I was settled and actually wanted to stay. I don't think they can believe that I'm enjoying Rygel's company. He's totally different now that he's here, but he's exactly the same. He's still a foul-tempered little dren eater, and we argue all the time, but only when there's nobody else around. I tried to pick a fight with him at one of Crichton and Aeryn's going away banquets these people know how to party, and he said that we can't do that in public. I thought that it might be some thing with royalty and how he needs to act, but then he started jibbering at some diplomat from one of the planets he rules and I didn't know what to think.
I guess--
I guess maybe we're friends. Isn't that weird?