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Learning Human Card Games

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Starscream scowled as he looked down at the pitifully small cards on the table in front of him. Megatron had, for some ridiculous reason, challenged him to a human card game called Magic: The Gathering. Naturally, Starscream accepted the challenge, refusing to let Megatron show him up in anything.

Starscream hated the game already.

Probably, he mused, why Megatron had told him to play in the first place. He resettled his wings higher on his back as he slammed his hand down on the table. “Why can’t I just attack your pitiful creature?” He shrieked. “Mine is clearly superior and I want to destroy it!”

Megatron’s field radiated a smug sense of superiority as he calmly set his cards down. “Because that’s not the way the game works Starscream. I don’t want you to attack my Silver Myr, so I’ll just take the ping directly.”

Starscream’s scowl deepened and he slouched backward into his seat. “Fine!” he bit out. Slender fingers reached out and flicked his Abattoir Ghoul horizontal. “I attack you directly then. You lose 3 life points.”

Megatron allowed a small smirk to curl the edges of his faceplate as he tutted at his Air Commander. “Not that fast. I play Capsize. Your Ghoul’s attack is negated since my card is an Instant, and due to Capsize’s effect, he returns to your hand.”

Starscream stared at the small card in shock. He could feel his vents hitch as his anger rose. Autonomic systems released a burst of coolant as Starscream’s engine revved angrily. With a snarl, he slammed his cards down on the table; the crack of one of the joint welds breaking was covered by the scream of his thrusters. Megatron leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, as Starscream flared his armour and inhaled heavily.

The resulting Seeker tantrum could be heard across the base as he railed against the stupidity of the game.

CARDS:
Silver Myr
Abattoir Ghoul
Capsize

Chapter Text

Soundwave scrolled through the latest human news articles. Several of them appeared to be reporting on a series of similar thefts. It didn’t seem to be anything worth looking into, but the sheer magnitude and range of the thefts was strange.

“NERDS ON ALERT AS CARDS ARE STOLEN FROM HOMES” proclaimed one major newspaper, the first in a series of related articles. Curious, Soundwave followed the links with a spare processor thread. Most of them were insipid rehashes of what had already been reported. Two of the titles caught his attention though.

“SHIPMENT OF PLAYING CARDS INTERCEPTED BY TRIO OF JETS”

“RABID JET ATTACKS A COMIC BOOK SHOP”

Slowly, he could feel his processor begin to stall as he stared at the large print titles blinking on his screen.

*

Barricade twitched as the door opened to the monitor room. He had hoped for a quiet cycle of monitor duty, but it looked like this wasn’t going to be the case. Sighing, he pinged Hook in the medical wing for assistance as he stared at the splayed out form of their communications specialist. It really wasn’t worth asking.

Chapter Text

Skywarp fidgeted in his seat as he stared at his Trine Leader. “Why do I have to do this again, Screamer?”

Starscream twitched, but otherwise kept his gaze down at the table where he was shuffling a set of human cards. “Because I said so, Skywarp.” Skywarp pouted. “You downloaded the data packet I sent you with the rules, correct?”

Skywarp nodded as he ex-vented softly. “Yes.” His field flicked out in exasperation. He didn’t want to be here. He couldn’t just leave Starscream though, especially not when he was in one of these moods.

Starscream flicked his gaze upwards, catching Skywarp’s optics with his own. “Good. Now draw.”

*

A low thrumming noise filled the room as Skywarp pouted angrily. “What do you mean you block?” He reached out and poked the 2/1 creature across the field. “My creature has a 3 attack, that thing only has a 1 defense. And 3 is bigger than 1!”

Starscream smirked. “That’s how the game works, Skywarp. Also, it’s called ‘fortitude,’ not ‘defense’ in this game.” He reached out to swat his trinemate’s fingers away, and grab his Lim-Dûl's High Guard to move it to the Graveyard. “Is that the end of your turn?”

CARDS:
Lim-Dûl's High Guard