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Special Touch - Sundance

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The month of January was insane, absolutely crazy to say the least. We had gotten home from Japan and Norman was jet setting the next day to Turks and Caicos with his son, their annual pilgrimage to somewhere warm. I was always invited but had never joined them. I wanted them to have this time to themselves and I usually went down to Georgia to see my folks for some post-holiday time together. Norman was excited to go and I still had no idea how he kept moving without slowing down. We were barely off the plane in New York when he was repacked and heading to the airport again. I was jet lagged and apparently pre-menopausal so even though he asked if I wanted to join them one more time, I passed on it.  


I drove to the airport with them, kissed Norman good bye in the SUV then I headed home for a weekend of relaxation. It was New Year’s Eve in New York City and I had no intentions of leaving the apartment till the festivities were over. Sophie from work had offered to have me join her and some friends at her place for the evening but I was happy to have a cat to hang out with while I enjoyed some peace and quiet.


My mom called at ten or so to wish me well and we ended up chatting for quite a while. I filled her in on my disastrous trip to Japan and she was very sympathetic to it all. It was nice to have her in my corner. I didn’t mention the fact that Norman had been pulling for me to be pregnant, I had a hunch she would have been on his side when it came to that topic. We talked about a bunch of things but one of them ended up being that she wanted to come to New York instead of me going to Georgia. My father had been invited out to the mid west with some friends for a fishing trip and he really wanted to go. But more importantly, my mom really wanted to come to the City and spend a few days. I thought it was a great idea.


Norman called a few minutes before eleven and we rolled in his New Years as he watched fireworks on the beach, then again at midnight as I watched the ball drop on TV. I could hear his son laughing and joking in the background and though we weren’t together, I knew we were both in the right place at the right time. I was almost resolved to sleep on the sofa but the need to be curled up in the scent of us in our bed was more alluring.


January brought a few days of snow, Norman coming home and an over lapping visit with my mom that he really enjoyed. As well as him directing a music video for an emerging band that they all got very much into and it was a blast to visit on the set. I went back to work after a trip to the doctors who told me I was a bit menopausal, but nothing to worry about. A specimen of health for the most part. Norman had also a photo shoot for an Italian magazine that brought Twitter fans to their knees and admittedly, me as well. The pictures were absolutely stunning and sometimes I wondered why he didn’t do more modeling. He was as amazing in front of the camera as he was behind it.


My visit with mom had been too short to say the least, she had been to the city years ago, but she was excited to walk the streets with someone who knew their way around a bit. I showed her my spa and we did the Empire State building. There was a bit of snow and it was cold but that didn’t stop up from seeing the sites and going out to eat. She fell in love with our New York home even though it was dramatically different than our place in Georgia. “You can tell that this is his place,” she said, “it has a man’s touch with a woman’s’ softness. Though I think that lamp in the bedroom should come home to Georgia with you.” We laughed over the baboon chandelier he had just acquired.


Though it had been my week off, Sophie had asked if I could cover a few clients while she took care of something personal. I didn’t mind going in and mom and Norman even got to spend some time together. She had never seen him in work mode so to speak and she was at the house cooking a big meal as he did a phone interview and opened fan mail. It was late that night when he told me about the conversation he had with her.


“You know I’m madly in love with your daughter and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her.”


“You’d better. She tattooed herself for your. Besides, her father and I think of you like a son.”


I heard that there had been a lot of hugging involved.


Her visit has been short but wonderful and I knew that she’d be back for more.


The end of the month got crazy. I had tons of clients to see but also, Norman would be gone for a few weeks. He was filming a new movie in Las Vegas and he also was attending the Sundance Film Festival, both two huge things. It is hard to be apart so much, it always is, but there is something so important and wonderful to me to know that I have something for myself in this relationship, something that I love. I didn’t have to follow him around from movie set to event like a puppy dog. I had my own world and that was so important to me.


We had a plan. Sundance would be three days in the middle of his movie shoot and I was going to fly out and meet him, spend some time enjoying the snow, catch the red carpet events with him and also, catch up with Andy. He was flying in from London for this event as well. Norman tried to hide it, but I know that he was excited to see him again.




After a bit of over packing I landed in Utah Friday afternoon and found the car that was waiting for me. Norman wouldn’t get in for another few hours and Andy was already checked into the hotel we were staying at. Though the SUV looked just like the one Paul always drove us around in, I had never had sex in this one. And the driver had never seen me do it. I smiled at both those thoughts. This small city was quiet fifty weeks out of the year, but now it was mobbed with people. Celebrities and fans alike. Fifty thousand people decent on this little town for two weeks of Indie-film love, something Norman really enjoys even just as a guest.


The driver stopped at the front door and a bellman opened my door and helped me with my bags. The event had been going on for a few days but this weekend was the biggest days of it all. I checked in, grabbed my room key and followed the bellhop to our villa. A cute little get away in a cluster of matching suites that all had a view that took your breath away. Andy would be in one of these neighboring villas though I wasn’t sure which one it was.


The suite was big, roomy and tastefully decorated with a welcome tray of food and flowers along with his and hers swag bags. The deck wrapped two sides and had a café table as well as a hot tub. The bellman opened the lid on the tub for me, I had packed a bathing suit, against Norman’s wishes. I had intentions of spending plenty of time in that hot tub.


My cell phone rang as I was stretching out on the huge king sized bed. I didn’t bother to look at the caller ID, I just hit the green button.


“Hello handsome.” I was mid yawn when I said it.


“Did I wake you pretty lady?” The British accent threw me off for a moment and I finally looked at the caller ID.


I laughed, “Hi Andy. No, just laying down.” I wasn’t sure how long he had been in town but I was ready for the nap that I couldn’t seem to catch on the plane.


“I was going to ask if I could stop over, but I’ll let you rest.” I missed his voice, he and Norman talked and texted all the time, but I had hardly talked to him since the last time the four of us had been together.


I sat up, “No, of course. Come over. I’d love to see you.” I really did want to see him, it had felt like so long since we had caught up. “We’re in 2374. Well, I am. He doesn’t get in for a while.” There was a knock at the door. “Is that you?”


The knock came again, but this time I could hear it through the room as well as the phone. “I was hoping you’d say yes.” I could hear the laughter in his voice.


“Hang on.” I got off the bed and checked my hair in the mirror, I hadn’t been laying down long enough for it to be a mess. I opened the door and there was Andy, all five foot, ten of him leaning in my doorway with his piercing blue eyes and his five o’clock shadow. He was handsome as always. “Come in.” I wasn’t sure how he knew which room we’d be in, but I guess I wasn’t surprised either.


Andy wrapped me in a hug and lifted me off the floor as he told me how much he had missed me. I felt the same way, it was nice to finally see him again. I was probably as excited as Norman was to be catching up this weekend. We kissed hello, just a quick one but it felt odd and right all at the same time. I hadn’t been with Andy since the four of us had been together, that had been a night of new things. Andy and I together, without our loved ones with us the entire time. Now that I thought about it, this was the first time he and I had ever really been alone.


I invited him in and he went to the table, picked up the bottle of wine and showed it to me, “Too early for drinking?”


With the long day I had already had, it wasn’t too early at all. He uncorked the bottle as I pulled the fruit tray to the coffee table as he poured two glasses of red wine as we caught up on the basics. He had gotten into town a few hours ago, already caught some sleep and had marked up the program of indie films he was interested in seeing; well the ones that might work within his appearance schedule.


“I’m sorry Gael couldn’t make it.” She and I had talked the other day. Their daughter was sick, she was working on a project and it would have been a big production for her to try and come along. So she had told me that it was my job to make sure that they boys didn’t get into too much trouble. She also told me that I needed to make sure that they got to spend some quality time together because Andy was in desperate need of some “Norman-time’. Her words. When I asked her to clarify, she replied, ‘I’d hope you’d let them be together if it comes along.’ It had me wondering if Andy was beginning to feel the same connection and need that Norman had for him.


Andy smiled, “She’s sad about it too but she keeps herself so busy that sometimes she has a hard time clearing her schedule.” I knew that she was as much a workaholic as he was, and a mother on top of it all.


We caught up on the day to day things over the past few months, filled him in on our trip to Japan and how I was feeling my age. Like any true gentleman, he told me how young I looked. He hesitated and I asked what he was thinking.


“Norman mentioned the idea of you being pregnant.” I rolled my eyes as he said it, I didn’t know if I was annoyed that he had mentioned it to Andy or was I feeling guilty about not wanting to be pregnant. “What?” He reached over and took my hand. “Holly, what’s wrong. He wasn’t bitching, just mentioned it to me.”


I held his hand tighter as I drank down the end of my wine. “I’m sure he wasn’t but,” I paused, I wasn’t sure if I should say what I was thinking. He squeezed my hand and encouraged me to continue. “I know the whole kid thing is fine with us. But there is so much already that I don’t give him.”


Andy took my glass and set his on the table then scooted a little closer to me. “I’ve heard about some of the things you two have done together. And I’ve been a part of some it.” He got a little more serious, “I can’t think of a thing you don’t give him.”


I wish I could say that it was the wine talking, but I hadn’t had enough of it for that to be the reason why I started talking and couldn’t seem to stop. “Come on. I don’t want to have kids and he loves them, I’m not some size two model that likes to hit the runway with him and I can’t give him what you give him.” That was most likely the real thing I had been thinking since I had gotten off the phone with Gael last week. She wanted me to give them a chance to be together.


Andy nodded, he was listening and waiting for me to be done. I tried to get up, tried to walk away but he held my hand and kept me next to him. “Holly.” He pulled his thoughts together. “He doesn’t need more kids in his life.” He waited for me to reply, I nodded. “He knows you don’t like the cameras and the bullshit. He’d rather you watch from the sidelines where you are not feeling like some trapped animal.” Andy knew how I preferred to let Norman just soak up the love of media and fans.


Then he took my hand in both of his. “And don’t even think that I give him even a fraction of what you do.” He hadn’t missed it, he understood that what was between them was intense and real but it wasn’t the same as our relationship.


I wasn’t sure he had the full scope of things. “Andy, you fill this void in Norman that I can’t come close to filling.” Sometime in the last year I had come to realize that since he had gotten physical with Andy, he had changed, there had been an undeniable shift in Norman. “Do you know that sometimes Norman can get rough with me?” He didn’t respond, just opened his eyes a little wider. “From the start since we’ve been together he would get, well, out of control sometimes. This switch would flip in his head, when he goes from Norman to… feral.” Andy licked at his bottom lip as he listened. “He gets rough and I always thought it was this thing he needed because he gives so much to everyone else and never takes anything for himself. Family, friends, fans the studio. He’s always giving up something for them and then sometimes, every once in a while, without warning, he’d take something for himself, he’d get out of control.” I had never admitted this to anyone, never once had I shared these thoughts. “He fucks me so hard and animal and I thought it was because he was being selfish for once and I loved knowing that he trusted me so much that he’d get this way with me. It didn’t matter if it hurt or if I didn’t get off. I just loved being this sanctuary for him.”


I had to look away from Andy because the look on his face seemed almost pained.


“But he really doesn’t get that way anymore. He’s only done that like twice since he’s been with you.” I knew I should stop talking but it was too late. I had already said too much and now I needed to try and take the size seven out of my mouth and fix what I had just done. “I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing, but he doesn’t need to get that way anymore because he has this thing with you now. The relationship that completes him.”


I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t jealous of Andy sometimes. No matter how long Norman and I are together I can never give him what Andy gives him, filling that bisexual need that Norman has to be with a man. And not just the sex, because he could have gotten that anywhere, but the connection he has to this man. I know that Norman loves me with all of his heart and no one can replace that, but Andy fills a piece of Norman that I can’t.


He didn’t say anything but rather picked up our glasses and walked back to the bottle refilling them and bringing them back before sitting with me again. I swallowed back tears, this much honesty hadn’t come out of me in a long time.


I took a long sip and waited for his response.


Andy’s face lit up. The smile filled his face and this confused me. “Norman and I talk. A lot. About everything. Sometimes he tells me about the crazy sex you two have just because it was so good he can’t keep it to himself.” I wasn’t surprised, “I think my favorite was that time in central park.” I was beyond blushing, that was so long ago. “He tells me a lot Holly. And he tells me when he gets rough with you.” I was not surprised but I didn’t know what to say. “It bothers him. He doesn’t like getting that way with you. He comes to work all out of sorts because he is afraid that it’s all just too much. But the longer he’s been with you, that whole inner primal thing he has going on has settled.” I sat listening to his perfectly formed words. “Norman told me a few months ago that he came home from work and just needed to pound into you. Left the set all pissed off from the script and how the day had gone and he was going to just….” He didn’t finish the thought but I knew what he was thinking, I knew how Norman could get. “But he walked in the house and smelled the cooking, saw you sleeping on the sofa and just melted. All that stress and tension, it was gone because of what you bring to his world.” Andy was so exact in his wording and it took me by surprise.


I shook my head. “No Andy, he doesn’t need to lose control anymore because you give him that balance he needs.” I was trying to shoot down his theory. I didn’t even know why this bothered me, I was happy that Norman had found that balance.


He shook his head and tried to word it a different way for me. “His best guy friend fucks him in the ass and he likes it. Which is good, because I like doing it.” He smirked. “But it hasn’t created some magical balance in his life.” Andy was trying to reassure me. “Our friendship has been there since the day we met, the sex just fills this need we both have. I’m not down playing how good it is, but the sex and friendship are not the same.”


I wasn’t sure how he could see it that way. “Andy, he needs you like air.”


“That’s just our friendship, and the friendship allows us to have sex. I couldn’t do it if we weren’t so tight. But I assure you Holly, if it was more than this, we’d be fucking all the time.” He seemed sure of himself and in my heart, maybe he was right.


Norman missed Andy when they were apart, but he hardly ever seemed to long for the sex that they shared, at least it didn’t appear that way to me. That was more like a craving that peaked, like any of our other sexual encounters.


“So he stopped getting out of control because I’ve softened him?” I hadn’t ever thought of it that way.


Andy nodded, “He doesn’t lose control any more since he found you.” He took my hand again. “If you want rough sex sweetie, you better get it out of him. It’s still in there, you just need to bring it out of him.” I laughed.