Danny got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked over to the sink and opened the medicine cabinet. He stared blankly at the bottles there. Most were either over-the-counter or prescription pain medications, but there was one that he hoped to one day not have to take anymore. Sure, his dosage had been reduced, but he still couldn’t quite escape the need for it completely.
Most days, he didn’t really think about it. He would just open the bottle and take the pill. Other days, he’d stand there and stare and look back on why he was taking them.
Danny knew that he always projected how he felt through his actions, and even his inactions. So, when things started falling apart at home, he did his best to not let the same thing happen at work. He also did his best to act as normally as possible. That didn’t last long.
He thought he’d hit rock bottom the day that the divorce was finalized and the custody agreement had been set up. The one shining light in his life had nearly been stripped away. Sure, he still got to see her, but only for a fraction of the time he wanted.
Matt had been there for him; keeping him from falling too far. He’d let Danny drown his sorrows and vent his frustrations. His downward spiral was only slowed, though. He finally did hit rock bottom; the events leading up to it like a row of dominoes falling.
It started with hesitation and distraction, and ended with Danny’s partner, Jimmy, fighting for his life. Danny had also been shot, but he didn’t know it until after Jimmy had been wheeled into the ER. He was numb, and never felt the bullet slice through his arm.
Once he was treated and left the hospital, his Captain had called him into his office and read him the riot act.
“Williams, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but if this keeps up, you’re suspended. I want you to take the rest of the week to get your head on straight. Now get out of my office. I don’t want to see you again till next Monday.”
Danny didn’t even argue.
The last straw was the call from Rachel.
”Grace and I are going with Stan to the Hamptons this weekend, so of course she won’t be able to spend that time with you. I will call you when we return and discuss her next weekend with you.”
Again, Danny didn’t fight. He didn’t have the energy.
His family had saved him. Matt had dropped by the next day to find Danny passed out on the floor of his bathroom. Once Matt got him up and moving, he worked on sobering him up. Then he took Danny to their parents’ house.
Danny broke down and finally admitted that he wasn’t okay; that he felt lost, and he really didn’t know what to do. He was guilt-ridden by what happened to his partner, and he didn’t know how he would cope if he lost his job. Then he told them about Grace, and how he had hoped that seeing her would help get him through till he could return to work.
His mother held him in her arms until he stopped crying, then his father and brother helped him up to his old bedroom. He slept away the rest of the day. Two days later, he left his new doctor’s office with a prescription for a pill that he would have to take for the foreseeable future. He wasn’t well yet, but he would get there with time.
When Rachel informed him that they would be moving to Hawai’i, he nearly fell again. If he hadn’t been on the medication and had people surrounding him that cared about him, he was sure that he would have fallen too far to recover. He hated that he was so weak, that he couldn’t take care of himself. He also knew what he had to do.
Moving to Hawai’i was probably the best and the worst thing he had ever done. The move had been stressful, and the way he was treated initially by HPD hadn’t helped any. Consequently, the first six months had not gone well. The only highlights were his time with Grace and his new partner, Meka. They got along well, and his family greeted him with open arms. Other than that, he spent most of his time alone. Alone time for Danny was not always a good thing.
Then he met Steve McGarrett, and his whole world turned upside down.
Danny shook his head. He needed it clear for what he was going to be doing. They had just wrapped up their first case as a team, and he knew he needed to give them full disclosure.
He took the pill and finished getting ready. He got in his car and headed to Steve’s house.
Steve opened the door a few moments after Danny knocked.
“Come on in. I’m almost ready to go.”
Danny walked in and took a seat on one of the chairs in the room. He waited for Steve to come back downstairs. When he had finally come back into the living room, Danny took a deep breath. It was now or never.
“Steve, can we talk about something before we go?”
“Yeah, Danny. Go ahead.”
“I know you looked up my personnel file when you brought me into the task force.”
“Of course. I needed to know who I was working with.”
“Right. Well, there are a few things that you don’t know about me, that I think you deserve and need to know.”
Steve sat forward and placed his elbows on his knees. He looked Danny straight in the eyes, but didn’t say anything.
“About four months before moving to Hawai’i, I was diagnosed with depression. I’m on medication for it, and I see a doctor every other week.” He hesitated, looked down at the floor, and then continued. “There was a period of time, back home, when it almost became too much for me to deal with. I almost lost everything. I…”
“Danny… I’m glad that you told me.” He leaned forward and placed a hand on Danny’s shoulder. “If you’re worried this is going to change things with the team, don’t. It’s not going to.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.”
Steve smiled, and then stood up. “So, you ready to go?”
“Wait, that’s it? No questions? Everyone I’ve ever told has always had a million questions.”
“Danny, you’ll tell me if you want to. Just, if you need help, let me, let us know.”
They left for work shortly after their conversation. Nothing else was spoken about it until they got in to work. He sat down with Chin and Kono and had much the same conversation as he’d had with Steve.
“No worries, brah. Just know that we’re here for you.” Kono hugged Danny.
“Listen to her. She’s a smart one. You don’t have anything to worry about. You need anything, just let us know.”
“Thanks guys. That means more to me than you know.”
The day hadn’t exactly gone how Danny had expected, but he knew for sure that he’d found himself a new support system, something he had been lacking since the move. He wasn’t okay, but he hoped that one day, he would be.