He was tight around him, pushing back each time he pushed forward, his whole body clinging to him. There were no words from either of them. Not even Jake whose eyes were squeezed shut, focused entirely on their rhythm. Cougar found himself transfixed by his face. The way it twisted and released to let out a needy moan. Cougar swept a hand over his side, slick with sweat, encouraging him up and Jake followed, craving any kind of touch. Overbearingly tactile without his words. Always desperate for touch as if he had to make up for lost time, as if Cougar might want him less. Cougar wanted to kill whoever had gotten into his head, twisted him like they had, making him so needy for approval.
“Cougar. Cougar.” Jake breathed, whole body tense and thrumming under his hand. It was the only warning he got before he was suddenly twisted and dumped onto his back, Jensen now over him, lips now curved in a wicked smirk. His hands braced on either side of Cougar’s head as he started riding Cougar, body moving in sure purpose to get them both off. He twisted a hand in the other man’s dog tags, dangling between them and yanked him down for a hard kiss. Jake moaned as he gave in to the kiss, letting Cougar thrust his tongue past his lips in a crude mimicry of what the rest of their bodies were doing.
They didn’t last much longer, Jake knew what he was doing. More then that, he knew Cougar. And Cougar knew him, knew that the slight pull on the dog tags, the restriction to his throat was enough to give him a rush, while Jake knew how to do this thing with his hips that sent Cougar over the edge. His fingers dug into Jake’s hips as he thrust up, hard and fast. Until they both slumped together on the bed. A twisted mess of fucked up and well fucked soldier. Jake’s breath was hot on his neck and his cheek felt like it was sticking to Cougar’s shoulder but he didn’t want to move. Wished he could keep them both there forever, in this moment where his most pressing concern was Jake’s bony knee in his shin before they had to return to reality.
“Hey Carlos.” It was the only time Jake used his real name, in the pause between one second and the next. Cougar ran his fingers through messy blond strands, a sign he was listening.
“You ever think about what you’re going to do next? After your enlistment is up?”
A quick shake of his head was his entire answer. It wasn’t an effort to speak with Jake, like it was with the others, but Jake read him so well that words weren’t needed.
“I always wonder what I’ll do. If I’ll be able to even do it, go back to being a regular guy. I don’t think I can. Part of me hopes I die on an op so I won’t have to deal with it, is that fucked up?”
Cougar couldn’t deny he had considered the thought himself and had to acknowledge the reality of it. It would likely be both their fates. Didn’t mean he liked to hear Jake talk about it so casually.
“It is. I know.” Jake continued without a response, the tension in Cougar’s body was likely more then enough for him. “But…but I don’t want to think about life without you. Which is really dangerous. I mean, maybe like 2000 years ago the ancient Greeks were all running around screwing each other sideways and sadly we don’t live then but if anything happens to you…”
“Te amo.” Cougar interrupted. Jake’s breath caught and he wondered if maybe he overstepped the line.
Then slowly, as if Cougar really was his namesake and would start if Jake moved too fast, lips pressed his neck, drawing a line up, along his jawline and when Cougar turned his head, Jake’s lips were there to meet his.
“We’re so fucked up.” Jake murmured against his lips. “Love you too. Fuck. We’re so fucked. You and me. Poster boys for the repealing of don’t ask, don’t tell. Think we should blatantly hint it to the colonel? Or at least Pooch, you know you love the expression on his face when we flirt.”
Cougar blushed and quickly shook his head. This was theirs. He wasn’t going to risk losing it to some bureaucrat officer with his thumb up his ass who thought he could make the rules. And if Clay knew, Roque knew and he didn’t trust Roque. In the field sure, the man was scary good at his job. Off of that, the man was just scary, with the way he and Jake fought it was only a matter of time and the thought of Roque having any leverage over Jake set Cougar’s teeth on edge.
“Alright, that’s cool too. Just you and me. Like Bonnie and Clyde if Bonnie and Clyde were special ops instead of bank robbers. And were two guys. But they were fabulous so we’ve got that in common.” Jake trailed off, though Cougar knew he wasn’t asleep, not yet. They were still in that pause, the moment before the real world mattered and if Jake took the chance to be quiet, Cougar wasn’t going to judge him.