It’s scary, the world. It’s scary and no one tells you that when you’re young.
They fill your head with fairy tales and magic and happily ever afters, but no one really tells you about the real world. Not till they’ve thrown you into it.
And then your innocence is gone, and you have to face it all. And everyone says you’re not alone, they’re there for you, they’ll help you! But they don’t.
You are alone.
It becomes terrifying how alone you are, when you realize your best friend doesn’t even believe the basic facts about your life.
I can appearify things. The witch is out to get you. My mother is dead.
Roxy, don’t lie. It’s not funny. Why would you joke about that?
But… it’s true.
And so how do you cope? Knowing you’re completely alone in this big wide world, with no one to lean on but yourself? You don’t.
You trick yourself, Rox. That’s what you do.
You take any and all the alcohol you can find and you pour it down your throat and focus all your attention on that burning sensation. Because let’s face it, it’s better than the pain eating away at you.
But then that pain is gone, and you’re left with everything else.
From then on it’s a blur of tears and half remembered cries for help. For someone to notice that no matter how happy you appear on that screen. You’re not.
You’ve become a void.
An entity of sorrow that has consumed you whole.
So you sit there on that bathroom floor, computer next to you and wine bottle in hand, and you drink.
One gulp, two gulps, three gulps, floor.
Words appear on the screen in a dark green, but ignore them. Jake likes Janey, right? No matter how much you like him, he’s Janey’s.
Jane just logged in.
Where have you been all day?
Crying in bed, is what you wanna say.
Prtyin hard a corse!!!
More tears because you know you can’t tell her without her calling you a drama queen.
You reach for that bottle but it’s just too far.
Even more tears now because you’re so drunk you can’t even get up to get the one thing that distracts you from all your worries.
And last but not least, Dirk.
By now you’re in hysterics because you know he cares.
You’ve had countless encounters of not wanting to wake in the morning, but you always do, because Dirk would care.
But Dirk won’t love you.
The one person that believes you entirely, won’t love you.
Because everyone loves Jake.
No one loves Roxy.
The hitched sobs raise a crescendo and you curl yourself up, crying into your knees.
Crying for your mom.
Crying for Jane’s safety.
Crying from the alcohol.
But most of all, you’re crying for yourself.
Because the world is scary. No one tells you, but sooner or later, you find out. And when you do, you need to cope.
But you don’t cope.
You never cope.
You can't cope
You just drink.