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A Fork Stuck In The Road

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For too long Steve's resolutions had been missions. Targets. He's got more in his life now; more to be thankful for. More to lose. His first, though, for 2012 and how ever many more years it might take, is a target. A promise.  He will bring down Wo Fat. Steve's still not clear on whether he trusts the court system to deliver Wo Fat unto justice, or whether he'll do that himself, but that he can even consider the alternative, well, he's not the only one Wo Fat has hurt.

His second resolution is more transitional; part target and part seeking atonement, as Mary used to call her own resolutions. He's done with Joe's prevaricating -- done with Joe, if it comes to that. If Joe isn't going to help Steve -- tell Steve -- what he knows about his dad, Wo Fat and Shelbourne, Steve has to cut him loose. He's paid too much in family, friends, and his own blood to let someone, even his old mentor, tie up his heart as well as his hands.

As for any other resolutions, they're pretty much jumbled together and wrapped within ohana. He's resolved to draw Mary back into his life and, like Catherine, won't let the distance of miles between them become a distance of contact. He's resolved to be a better watchguard over Kono; to remember that for all that their rookie can handle the job with the rest of them, he's failed her in not making sure she knows she never has to handle it alone. And he resolves to be a better friend to Chin, if in no other way than to make sure neither Chin, Malia or their new life together become casualties to Steve and Wo Fat's vendetta. He's come too close already to asking Chin to divide his loyalties, just as he sacrificed Jenna's. And Danny's.

God, Danny.  What Steve wants to resolve is to be everything for Danny in the coming year, as if offering himself could begin to make up for what Danny has given up for him. Steve can't, though. Won't. Not yet and maybe not ever. But what he can be is anything for Danny, just as a boss, a friend, or a brother. The only thing he refuses to be is a regret.

~*~*~

Chin hasn't made any new year's resolutions in years. Or, well, hasn't changed his in years. This year, though, it's a lot more specific. He simply hopes to be the man his wife and his team needs him to be.

 ~*~*~

In the past, most of Kono's resolutions throughout her adult life have been goal-oriented and centered around rebuilding and redefining herself: she'll get through physical therapy in 6 months; be back on a surfboard in ten; find a new calling; graduate from the Academy; never lose faith in Chin and find a way to bring him and the family back together. She's accomplished those, too, maybe not exactly within the desired timeframe, and maybe she didn't have as much to do with reuniting Chin and family as she hoped, but the end results are what she's strived for, so she does feel successful.

This time won't be so easy, she fears, not that there was anything easy about her other goals. She knows she has to try, though, and hopes that the attempt will be enough to help her attain the end goal one more time; if not this year, then sometime.

For her own spiritual well being, she has to be able to get over the mess with IA and her hatred of Frye, not to mention her anger and disappointment in her team. It had been her choice to play it as she had, from the beginning in supporting Steve and saving Chin, right up to getting into bed, figuratively thank god, with Delano, and cutting her team out of her actions along the way, so she knows resenting the team is out of place. She's still hurt that they didn't try hard enough, that no one overcame her resistance and stood with her. She'd been so fucking scared

She has them now, though, most of them, and for a babysitter, Lori's okay, at least in some things. Still, if she's going to wish for the moon this year, she'd also like to come into her own, to stop being someone's high school crush, Chin's little cousin, the hot surfer chick in the bikini, or the rookie. She just wants to be seen as Kono. And get laid regularly. 

~*~*~ 

Danny's mom has always been big on making yearly resolutions, so he supposes he picked it up from her, although he didn't actually start making them after leaving home until Grace had come into his life. Then they were things like never going to bed angry, working on getting along with Rachel's parents, and making sure Rachel wasn't raising their daughter alone, the latter with quantifiable numbers between them in taking turns cooking or washing or diapering. A resolution to be there for all the milestones; Grace's first word being Da instead of Mama was something he would always cherish in his heart, even if then he'd apologized and consoled Rachel. 

Later had come the resolutions to make at least one weekly pick-up of Grace from school, then, at least home for dinner half of the time and always home in time to help put Grace to bed. And after things began to fall apart, the resolutions became: be a better husband, stop bringing work home with him -- never argue with Rachel in front of Grace. Not to hate Rachel for leaving, for finding Stan… for taking Grace away from him. 

Resolutions had become habit, Danny supposed, even if he wasn't very good at keeping them, and he found himself writing a few new ones out one evening, just like his mom had always done, using pen and paper and folding the note to put under his pillow -- his mattress actually, just in case. 

I resolve not to make the same mistakes over and over again. 

He left that one vague, knowing he was mainly thinking of Rachel as he wrote it, but not sure which of the many mistakes he'd made with her that he meant. 

I resolve to keep hammering at Steve about proper police procedures.  

Easy enough to write and still mean although Danny knows that Steve is making the effort, even without being lectured. Not because of Lori -- or even Danny -- but because of the scare they'd all gotten with trusting Jameson, with almost losing Kono, and actually losing Jenna. Danny keeps this one anyway, because in reminding Steve, he is also reminding himself. Reminding himself that it's his lines that are getting blurry. 

I resolve to start making Hawaii my home. 

This one would be the hardest; home was Jersey and his folks. The places he grew up in and all those old resolutions that had shaped his life. It would also be the easiest, because he has already made that choice, when he'd chosen Steve over Rachel and Grace. Really, all he needs to do is somehow convince Steve that he means it. All of it. 

~*~*~ 

Grace's assignment is to write down one New Year's Resolution. She picks the first one that pops into her thoughts: I resolve to love my new little brother (or sister). She still thinks she's going to love the dog Danno gave her more. 

~*~*~ 

Lori doesn't make resolutions, at least not ones that coincide with a particular date, and she prefers to think of them as objectives, like the goals and expectations laid out in her job reviews. She does have regrets, though, things she wishes she could change and maybe that's enough of the same. Her biggest regret at the moment is that she accepted the position as the Governor's watchdog. It would have been nice to have found a place on the Task Force because she earned it.

-- fini --