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Necessary for Happiness

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Violet has always been convinced she was just plain born wrong. Not bad seed wrong or physically wrong, but wrong like out of synch. Which is why she never gets what she deserves and has to constantly make things right. If she'd been born right then she wouldn't have to always fix things.

Auggie is a prime example of a world fucked up. Because he should be with her, he shouldn't need to drink, and he shouldn't be so into Riley. It's so obvious to Violet, she's amazed Auggie doesn't see it. She's amazed a lot of the time.

She sits at home before she goes to work and watches TV just for the white noise. She likes soap operas, they're so overwrought and crazy. All the women have the best clothes, too. She still watches the same ones she watched back in Oregon. It's funny because she hasn't met anyone yet who admits they watch those shows but they some of them film right here in Los Angeles. She imagines how much more interesting and right this will be when she and Auggie are together. She will say, "God, are you watching that stupid show again?"

"I can't take cooking shows," he'll say. She mouths the words. "But this Judge Judy, her I can watch all day." And Violet will tell him they have to get to work and he'll come with her into the shower. He will pretend not to like her orange smelling soap but use it when she's not there. He'll steal the bottle when he goes on his surfing trips. She's totally okay with that because he'll need the privacy like she'll need the privacy. They won't be one of those clingy, co-dependent couples. She doesn't picture it perfect where they never fight or something, she's realistic that way. She's not stupid.

She knows how it will be. They will have great sex. In the shower, in their bed, sometimes on the couch. One time it will be on the floor of the restaurant they will run together while they're painting it. Maybe it's a cliche‚ to plan to christen a place, but she likes the idea a lot. She's going to meet someone nice, like Riley, maybe, but who will understand who Auggie should be with and then Violet will have a best friend who will laugh at all her stories. Maybe Violet will let her best friend work at the restaurant but she thinks it would be better if her best friend got a different job. Violet keeps waiting for that girl to come along, but Auggie showed up so her friend will, too. She has conversations with that girl, too, leaving the name blank when Violet talks to her. "____," she will say, "You would not believe what Auggie said to one of the customers last night."

Violet admits she can be wrong. She was wrong about Levi. She never thought they were forever, she was totally not that stupid. He was pretty clearly the kind of loser that would never leave Oregon, even if he stopped using meth. She was wrong that he would know his place, that she could leave him behind and he'd be okay. He had to know he wasn't important, to her or to the world at large. Anyone could tell as soon as they met him, even Riley had noticed before he freaked out and made it super obvious. Levi had known Levi all his life and never figured that out. It was actually a little scary how clueless he was about his place.

Auggie is a little like that, but the opposite. He doesn't realize how important he is. How much more important than someone like Riley, for example.

Sometimes women will come into the restaurant and ask for Auggie. Violet can tell with one look that they're bad news. Or that they are clearly someone like Riley who should have been happy with what she had and not distracting Auggie.

Violet imagines them all coming back later, and she'll be running the restaurant where Auggie is head chef and everyone will think they're both so amazing. The women will come to their restaurant because it'll be so good. Auggie's great food, her sure hand at planning -- everyone will want in for the experience. She takes notes in her head for when it's their turn so when he's wondering how they'll get the right lettuce or something, she'll have the answer right at her fingertips.

She'll see those women and she will say, "Oh, sorry, I never did pass on that message to him." Or, "Yeah, I told him, but I got the number wrong. Oh, and one time I told him you came by but just to tell him about the great guy you'd met and how you were engaged now." The women will look upset because they'll know they missed something. Maybe one of them will be like "Well, I'm glad, because I met someone perfect for me."

Of course, Violet's not there yet. She only thinks about the happy future she's going to have when she's bored or when she needs to calm down. Sometimes she's so upset she just has to refocus her mind before she does something crazy. It's just something she's always done. You have to know your end point so you can know where you're going. You have to visualize what you want, even down to the funny conversations you have just watching Judge Judy. Violet thinks if you visualize it real enough, it puts the energy out there into the world and the world finds the right shape. It moves to where it needs to be. To where it was supposed to be.

Back when she was in Corvallis, she imagined Auggie to get through all her pointless shifts of work, except he wasn't Auggie then. Her mom would work in the movies, since she was in LA, and she'd welcome Violet into her family of funny showbiz friends and Violet would work on a movie. Sometimes she still thinks everyone in LA must know someone who works on a TV show or on a movie. But lots of people don't. But back then she figured she'd fall in love with a movie star. Which is basically how it worked out. Sydney did want her in the end, she did love her daughter Violet, she had been ready to take care of her. And Violet met Auggie.

So if she just works at it and sets things right, all the rest will fall into place.