“Oyster?” Tony offered, sipping his champagne.
Steve frowned at the offered foodstuff. “I’m not really a fan of seafood,” he said, eyeing it as though it might bite him.
“Oysters aren’t seafood. Oysters are amazing.”
“Two years ago, I was allergic to seafood,” Steve said, staring at the oyster.
“But you’re not now. And it was like seventy years.”
“Not for me, it wasn’t.” Steve shrugged.
Tony looked a bit put out, but moved the oysters away from Steve. “Okay. Maybe some foie gras with truffles?” he offered.
Steve looked at the unappealing pasty-looking brown stuff on the thin toast. “I think I’m okay. I’ll just stick with salad.” He pulled over a bowl of salad and looked it over suspiciously.
“Fennel and arugula with a raspberry red wine vinaigrette,” Tony said proudly.
Steve stared at Tony. “Since when do you even know what’s on your plate, let alone what every item on the table is? I’ve never seen you pay this much attention to anything that didn’t have moving parts.”
“I just thought it would be nice to actually savor what’s in front of me.” Tony leered at Steve.
Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “Tony. This is weird. Like you’re a… Those people. In that movie. You know. The one where the people were replaced by aliens and no one realized?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “I can’t do something nice or I become a pod person?”
“Just tell me what this is about? Please?” Steve looked at Tony, ready to beg if he had to. This was weird. Even by Tony Stark Standards™. And Steve’s standards of weird had changed a lot since he set them by Tony Stark Standards™. The weirdness had grown on him—Tony could be startling, but he was almost always sweet. Walking into your room to find your markers lining themselves up by colour spectrum on your desk due to some insane levitation device that was meant to be a romantic advance wasn’t unusual. Finding that your leather pants now had a hidden laser beam (which you subsequently had removed from them because seriously, laser beams and pants didn’t go together) wasn’t unusual. Tony Stark knowing what was on his plate, however, was.
“I was just trying to, you know, add some spice to our relationship.” Tony made a valiant effort to look like none of this mattered.
“We’re superheroes, Tony. You have a flying suit of armour that shoots force blasts. I have leather pants. I’m fairly sure our relationship is… spicy.”
“I just didn’t want things to get boring. The internet said that all these things were aphrodisiacs.” Tony looked over the table as if debating where he’d gone wrong.
Steve stared at him. Aphrodisiacs? Seriously?
“Aphrodisiacs. You know. They make people horny?”
“I know what an aphrodisiac is, Tony.”
“Then why are you looking at me like that?”
Steve took a deep breath, trying to find patience. He always seemed to use up a lot of that up pretty early in a date night. But never all of it, because, at some point, Tony would start being amazing and it would all be worth it. “Tony, are you not satisfied with our sex life?” Steve hoped he wasn’t blushing.
“What? No, of course I am. Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re plying me with aphrodisiacs.”
Tony blinked, clearly considering this. “Oh… Yeah. I didn’t really think about that. You’re not supposed to take it that way.” Tony shook his head and gestured to the table. “No, this is romantic.”
Steve supposed that, if you squinted, it was. Which left him with some rather large questions. The first of which… “What do you want?”
Tony took on a deer in the headlights look. “Uh… Who says I want anything?”
“You don’t do romance. Yes, you set up some incredible dates and take me some amazing places, but romance? Tony, it’s just not you.” Steve licked his lips.
“Fine, you caught me.” Tony grinned winningly. “You know me far too well.” He cast his hands out widely, leaning back in his chair. “I wanted to try something new. You’ll like it.”
Steve closed his eyes and counted back from three, rapidly. Nothing good ever came from Tony Stark wanting to perform human testing. “What is it?”
“I want to play with some food in bed.” Tony grinned like it was the best idea he’d ever had.
Steve wasn’t sure how he felt about this. “What kind of food are we talking about?” Crackers would be bad. Strawberries, one of the few foods Steve had heard of people using during sex, were banned from the house by Pepper due to allergies. Steve was not willing to go the whipped cream bikini route that he’d heard the other guys discussing.
Tony was practically bouncing in his seat now. It was obvious that he believed that Steve asking for more information was the same as Steve saying yes. Which, really, there sort of was precedent for that, wasn’t there? Steve made a note to himself to stop going along with so many of Tony’s hare-brained schemes.
“Maple syrup,” Tony said excitedly. “It’s delicious, decadent and much less girly than chocolate sauce.”
Steve wasn’t sure how foods were graded by manliness or girliness, but he’d take Tony’s word on the relative girliness of chocolate sauce compared to maple syrup. “And what do you want to do with the maple syrup?” Ideas were cascading through Steve’s head, each one more disturbing than the last.
Tony paused for a moment, as if he hadn’t considered this far into the whole theory. “I guess I just drizzle some on you and lick it off. Gives me an excuse to put my mouth all over you, right?” Tony was speeding up, getting more excited as he spoke. “A little painted across your chest, then my mouth on your nipples and then—“
“I get the idea,” Steve said. It didn’t sound so bad. “So all you’re going to do is put it on my skin, right? You’re not going to… insert it anywhere?”
Tony looked slightly shocked, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him and he was now analysing it. “No… No, not in my plan. I think that’d be a little gross.”
Privately, Steve thought the idea of being coated in maple syrup was a little gross, but it didn’t sound dangerous at all or frightening. He couldn’t see how either of them could get hurt and if Tony thought he’d enjoy it, Steve was sure he’d get something out of it. He did like having Tony’s mouth on him. That was arousing enough, he supposed, that he could handle the whole syrup thing. “Well, I guess—“
“Great!” Tony stood up quickly. “Come on!” He grabbed Steve’s hand and headed in from the balcony to the bedroom.
“I’ve got everything ready. All you have to do is get naked and lay down.”
“Don’t you think—“
“Please? Just do this for me? I’ll make sure you love it.”
Sighing, Steve started to strip. And really, he and Tony needed to have a talk about the meaning of the word ‘no.’ Though, he hadn’t said that, had he? So maybe he just needed to try it. But not right now. Not when Tony was so excited.
Tony was naked and on the bed in record time, grabbing a bottle of maple syrup from the bedside table. “Come on. Lay down!”
Steve did as he was asked, watching Tony nervously. This really and honestly did not seem like it could be a good thing. How maple syrup could be sexy was honestly beyond him. Tony was into it, thought, if his erection was anything to judge by. Steve plumped a pillow up behind himself so that he could watch Tony and took a deep breath.
“Ready?” Tony asked, with the enthusiasm of a child being offered carte blanche in a candy store.
“I guess.” Steve watched as Tony held the bottle above him, grinning and pouring it slowly. Steve really wasn't sure this was a good plan. He'd like it to just happen already.
The syrup hit Steve’s chest and he flinched. Okay, that was not a pleasant sensation. Liquids oozing across and down his chest were not a turn on.
Tony set down the bottle and, grinning, leaned down to lap the syrup off of Steve’s chest. “Mmm... Delicious…”
Okay, that? That was pretty good, actually. Tony’s tongue lapping warm and damp against Steve’s skin? Steve could definitely get behind this. This was good. He ran a hand through Tony’s hair and grinned at him.
Tony responded by drizzling some maple syrup a little lower down, raising an eyebrow. His tongue continued its journey downwards, following the syrup as it ran down Steve’s stomach towards his….
“Uh… Tony? Do you really want to get syrup there?”
“Oh yes. Yes, I think I do. I think I want to get it all over you.” Tony did as he was suggesting and dripped syrup over Steve’s cock.
Cold syrup. Cold, uncomfortable syrup. On Steve’s incredibly sensitive penis. He pulled away. “Okay, that’s cold.” If there was one thing Steve hated, it was cold.
Tony looked vaguely concerned. “Are you okay?”
“No. It’s cold.” Steve started to sit up.
Tony planted a firm hand on Steve’s chest. “Why don’t you let me warm you up, then? I can make it better. I promise.” Tony licked his lips, but he seemed more nervous than suggestive.
“Tony, I’m not sure that—“
“Ssssh.” Tony lowered his mouth to Steve’s cock and began to suck, lapping at him excitedly.
Okay, slightly better. Slightly. Getting better. Getting much better. So much better. Oh god, Tony was good at this. Steve groaned. Tony was better than good at this.
Tony groaned, drizzling a little more syrup around the base of Steve’s cock. It pooled and dripped down between his legs. He pulled back to lap at Steve and grimaced. “Okay. Syrup in the pubes. That’s… a lot less sexy than I thought.”
“You thought it would be sexy?”
“Well, the rest of it was.”
“Really?” Steve looked down at the spiky mess that had formed in his pubic hair. “It’s really not… Not at all.”
“This isn’t working for you?”
“No. Tony… This is disgusting. The syrup is sticky. It’s cold. I’m fairly sure it’s dripping down my butt crack. I hate this. The only good thing about all this is the blowjob.”
“Oh.” Tony pulled back. “All right.” He stood up and grabbed his boxers.
“Where are you going?”
Tony shrugged. “Had an idea. Need to hit the workshop.”
“Don’t go. I said the blowjob was good. I was enjoying that part.”
“I told you. Idea. Have to go while it’s hot.”
Steve leapt to his feet, hurrying to the door and grabbing Tony’s shoulder. His penis, which was rapidly going limp, was sticking vaguely to his pubic hair and that was incredibly uncomfortable. “Tony. Stay. We’ll… get a shower, together. It’ll be fun.”
“It’s fine, Steve. I screwed up. I got the message.”
“I’m the one who screwed up. I knew I wasn’t going to like this and I didn’t want to do this. I should have said no, Tony, before we got to this point. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I should have known you’d hate it. I screwed up.”
“Tony. Can you tell me something?”
Tony shrugged miserably.
“In the past week, have you created anything that gives you psychic abilities?”
“Of course not.” Tony looked affronted. “You think I would have kept something like that from you?”
“No. You wouldn’t.” Steve stroked Tony’s cheek, moving his hand back to Tony’s shoulder when Tony pulled back. “So it’s impossible for you to know what I’ll like and what I won’t like before I try it.”
“It’s not like food, Steve. Sex likes and dislikes are usually easier to guess. You don’t have to try it to know if you like it.”
“It is food, in this case,” Steve said, a smile playing on his lips.
Tony replayed what he had said and grinned. “Shower?”
“Yes. That I know I like.”