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21 Things People Don’t Know About Charlie Eppes

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1. Charlie lost his virginity at 14 years 2 months. Don lost his at 14 years 6 months. This is a fact that Charlie is holding on to until just the right moment.

2. Once Charlie learned how to shoot he started spending way more time at the range than anyone knew about or would approve of. Especially around finals week.

3. Charlie was taught to drive by a frat boy who went on to become a very high ranked member of the Jersey Mob.

4. Charlie is pretty sure he’s worked out the perfect murder. He even has a list of perfect victims.

5. Charlie has been with many more men than women but only had relationships with women.

6. Charlie went to see his mom before she died, late one night. She didn’t recognize him. He didn’t go back.

7. Charlie has twin girls being happily raised by their mothers in Boston.

8. Charlie has had sex with Ian Edgerton five times over two night. It was some of the best sex of his life.

9. There are days Charlie envies Don’s ability to have faith in something greater and unknown despite the illogic of it.

10. Charlie doesn’t mind short jokes that much. He knows he makes up for it in other places.

11. For an college elective Charlie took creative writing. He got a C+ for a story about a private detective who solved crimes with math. The idea was too farfetched. And the spelling was bad.

12. Charlie got his only high school kiss when he swapped his tray of perfectly baked cookies in home-ec with a tray of flat burnt ones belonging to the girl at the next table. No one expected the nerd to cook anyway.

13. Charlie put the scar on Don’s cheek when he was five with a rock. Don tells people he got it in a bar fight.

14. Charlie has zero respect for Amita’s parents. Who doesn’t get on a plane when their only child is kidnapped and held at gunpoint for three days?

15. Once he started thinking about it Charlie did sort of want a big wedding in a temple.

16. Charlie has been in fights. Proper knockdown, drag out, broken beer bottle fights. Mostly care of the same frat boy who taught him to drive.

17. Charlie envies Don’s ability to play piano.

18. The FBI gets a family discount on his consulting fees that the NSA and CDC don’t. A big discount.

19. Charlie is 98.3% sure that Colby is gay. He wishes Colby felt safe enough to come out.

20. After Susan left Charlie tried hard drugs. Once.

21. Only two people know what Charlie really did to get his clearance back and save Don’s career. It’s something he intends to take to his grave.