"Cap is smoking hot," Darcy says offhandedly to Loki one slow morning. She whispers, because Steve and Thor both have ridiculous hearing.
Loki, of course, looks for fire before processing the statement as an idiom. "Yes, he is a fine specimen of Midgardian life. Wait, can we actually set him on fire. Just a little?"
Darcy deploys her best 'bad puppy, no' look, and Loki sulks right back at her. Darcy is impervious to it by now, and she only wants to pat Loki on the head a tiny, little bit. She's still a little unclear on what exactly has happened to her life. One day she's an intern on the fast track to a degree in poli sci, and the next, she's babysitting super villains and the only person who cares if she graduates at all is Tony fucking Stark. Well, it is just one super villain, Loki to be exact. And, possibly, her mom would still like her to graduate, just in case this S.H.I.E.L.D. thing falls through. Not that it will, she's pretty sure this is the best job ever.
The perks are amazing. She and Loki are watching Steve make himself, and possibly Thor, breakfast, while Loki downs a pop tart and Darcy has Fruit Loops at the breakfast bar. Steve's attempting scrambled eggs. At least Darcy thinks that's what's going on. Except Darcy isn't really clear on how one goes about making scrambled eggs, and Steve is a little distracted, because Thor keeps trying to add things to the pan when Steve isn't looking.
"Waffles are the finest of all Midgardian breakfast foods," Thor says, clearly pouting as Steve prevents him from pouring flour in the pan. Darcy's pretty sure Thor knows less about cooking than she does, because now he's trying to sneak in some chocolate chips. He's barefoot and wearing only Minnesota Vikings sleep pants, which Tony had given him after the last "introduce Steve and Thor to twenty-first century America" field trip. Darcy had asked Steve for the story, but he'd only blushed and demurred, so it probably involved Thor and nudity.
"I'm not sure we even have a waffle iron," Steve points out, which is ridiculous, because between Tony and Coulson, every appliance currently in existence—and a few Tony is still working out the kinks on—is in the kitchen. The blender has a mind of it's own—literally—and a snarky one at that.
"Third shelf in the cabinet next to the refrigerator," Natasha says as she appears in the room. Natasha is scary stealthy, enough that Darcy sometimes wonders if she really isn't actually just teleporting herself places. Plus, she knows where everything that could be used as a weapon is located in the Mansion at any one time, even things Darcy would have never thought to use to kill someone with.
Loki elbows her before she can get distracted by thoughts of Natasha's secret superpowers, just in time for her to catch what he's seeing: Steve staring at Thor's ass.
"This is even better than fire," Loki says back, loud enough that if either Steve or Thor was paying any attention to them, they would have heard. Neither seem to notice.
Darcy groans, she can already see Loki calculating the amount of mischief he can get up to and exactly how much teasing Thor and Steve will take. She's about to reign him in, when Thor leans down and kisses Natasha.
"Holy shit," Darcy says a little too loudly.
No one in the kitchen reacts, and Loki just laughs. "I knew making us unnoticeable was going to pay off," he says with a grin.
Darcy should yell at him or something, but Steve's taken Thor's place and there is more kissing going on. Damn, this is both hot and totally unexpected. Darcy is usually up on all the Avenger gossip, but this was no where on the radar. Natasha pulls away and pours herself a cup of coffee.
"I don't know if I should be turned on or very, very scared," Darcy says aloud, which really wasn't how she'd meant that thought to go.
"Both," Loki says with a grin, and she knows he's going to do something that'll either leave her with a month of paperwork or something sticky in her hair—she'd had to cut five inches off last time Loki had that look in his eye, her stylist just couldn't save it—but now Thor is kissing Steve like waffles are going out of style. Darcy doesn't blame herself one bit for being distracted.
"I'll take both of you out to breakfast," Natasha says, turning the stove off, and throwing the mess that may or may not have been scrambled eggs into the sink. "First, though, we need a shower." the way she says it, Darcy knows Natasha isn't planning on showering alone.
"We could follow them," Loki says with a waggle of his eyebrows.
This time Darcy is the one doing the elbowing. "We respect other people's privacy here on Earth."
Loki laughs again. "I've seen the things you post on your Facebook. You have no concept of privacy."
"I've got a good enough one to know that watching people get it on with out asking is rude." Darcy does, however, watch as Steve, Thor and Natasha trail out of the room.
Loki rolls his eyes as she stops him from getting up. "Really, Midgardians are so repressed."
Darcy sighs and takes another bite of her Fruit Loops. "Did you know?" Loki, after all, has his sleeve fulls of tricks and loves gossip almost as much as he love mischief.
"Nope. That one caught me by surprise, too," Loki says. "I spend a lot less time spying on the Avengers now that I live here. It wasn't really a challenge anymore." He shrugs and she knows exactly what he means.
"It must have happened recently. Natasha might be good at keeping a secret, but between Thor and Steve, you would think they would've already accidentally announced it to the world."
"Can we at least follow them to breakfast?" Loki asks.
"Well, it wouldn't hurt if we accidentally ran into them, I supposed." Loki might just be rubbing off on her.