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In Which the Characters are all Babies in an Alternate Universe and Baby John Egbert Meets Grub Karkat Vantas for the First Time and Various Baby Shenanigans Ensue.

Chapter Text

Your name is John Egbert. You are currently one year old, and you are about to make a new friend. There are a bunch of weird looking wriggly things your daddy called grubs (before he left you at this place) with you at what your daddy calls day-care. You’re not sure what this means, but you like it here. The two ladies here are nice and you’ve made a lot of friends like Dave and Rose and Jade, but you’ve never tried to play with any of the grubs until now. Today is different.

Today is different because you notice one of the grubs off all on their own. They’re a bright red and their hair is a mess and you notice that they have candy corn growing out of their head. The other grubs try to talk to them, but they seem to either ignore them or push them away, looking particularly angry. You wonder what’s wrong with the grub, and what has them so frazzled, so you crawl your way over to the part of the room where the grub has encased himself in a building block castle that makes you wonder how he built it as he has no hands, just little legs.

You plop yourself down in front of the castle and the grub stares up at you with black eyes. You give what you think is a him a smile and say hello. He gives you a little squeak back.

You take that as a hello, albeit an angry one.

“Wann’ b’ f’ends?” You ask, your teeth (especially your top front teeth that are too big and kinda poke out of your mouth a bit) showing as you smile more.

You get an angry growl, his sharp little teeth showing, and he twists around and hides back in his castle.

You frown, sad that he rejected you, and you start to sniffle a little bit because you don’t know what to do because no one’s ever told you no when you asked to be friends. You’re upset and all you can think to do is cry as tears start rolling down your cheeks and your lip trembles.

Then he turns back around, looking at you in what you could only assume to be shock while you bring your chubby hands up to your eyes to try to get rid of the tears while you cry.

He inches ever so slightly out of his castle and puts one of his front little legs on your knee. You look down at him, still crying. He paps you lightly with his little leg, making what sounds like a “shoosh” noise as he does so.

You’re still for a minute, the tears stopping as you watch him attempt to console you. You then realize that maybe he DOES want to be friends.

You smile widely at him, the tears gone and little giggles bubbling up as you pat his head and he growls at you but doesn’t move away.


And on that day, an epic friendship was born.

Chapter Text

Your name is John Egbert, and you are very excited! Today is a Saturday, so not only do you get to spend a ton of time with your daddy, but your friend Karkat is coming over to play! You’ve learned your grubby friend’s name after a few days of playing together at the day-care place. One of the ladies there –the one with the horns like Karkat- told you whilst feeding you applesauce at snack time. She called you and him inseperibel, whatever that means.

You are currently in your crib, grabbing onto the bars to help keep you upright. You’re still not too great at this whole walking thing, but Daddy was so excited when you started doing it that you’re trying to get better at it. You look at your window and you can see light through the blocky, shady thingies that Daddy puts down when he puts you to bed. You want to start the day already! Karkat’s coming and you want some Daddy playtime before that!

What do you do?


You scream of course.

You continue like this for a while until your door opens and Daddy shuffles in with a cup of weird smelling stuff in his jammies. You smile and laugh at how funny Daddy looks with his hair all messed up like that, and Daddy smiles back as he puts down his smelly drink and hoists you up out of the crib and OVER HIS HEAD.


This is SO COOL.

You laugh even harder as he spins you around, laughing as well. This is why you love Saturdays! Daddy’s always extra fun on Saturdays! He’s smiling all big as he brings you down and gives you one of those nose-rubby things, “es-i-mo keesus” or something like that.

After some more playing, you get dressed, had some numnums and watched some stuff on the “teebee”. You don’t know how this big shiny box could be considered a bee, or why it has that hot, smelly stuff that Jade’s grandpa likes (but isn’t the hot, smelly stuff Daddy likes), but no matter, you like it when it shows Kippur. After the “teebee” stuff, Daddy pull out his big trunk and you laugh and clap because you know Daddy’s big trunk means he’s going to show you some cool magic tricks! You love his tricks! You try to mimick him when he does his card tricks, but it’s hard to hold onto the cards and you always drop them, which makes Daddy laugh and then that makes you laugh and soon enough you’re both laughing until you hear the bell noise that means someone’s hear to visit.


“Yeah, son, Karkat and his daddy are here to play! Wanna go get ‘em?”

“Yeah! Yeah! Le’s go!”

He picks you up and holds you in one arm as you two get up and open the door. Now, you have never met Karkat’s daddy before, but from what your daddy has told you ‘bout him, he’s not very happy. In fact, he’s usually angry. All the time. But he’s actually a pretty nice man, and he apparently looks a lot like Karkat.

You wonder if this “man” is actually a grub too.

Your daddy opens the door, and the first thing you notice is the tall grey man with sharp teeth and crazy hair and horns! Little, nubby ones, but still horns! He’s scowling, and his eyes are yellow, ringed with red around the black dot in the middle. He’s…


You start to whimper, tears in your eye, and you cling to your dad, still looking at the scary monster-man. You then notice Karkat appearing on Monster-Man’s shoulder.

“Now, now, son! Meet Mr. Vantas, Karkat’s daddy!”


He’s just Karkat’s daddy.

Who else would he be? You shake your head and dry your tears and smile up at him.

“Hi Mistew VVV…Vuh… Vennn… Vantus!”

You notice his frown lessen a bit, and you can see him smile a bit.

“Hello, John. It’s nice to finally meet my son’s new friend, finally,” He says, leaning down a bit so your face to face, and you smile, your “buck teef” showing more. You then hear Karkat give a little growl, then a small squeak that you guess is a hello.

“Hi Kawkat-tuh!” You smile even wider, wriggling in your daddy’s arms to try and get closer. You get just close enough that Karkat can stretch himself over to you and crawl down your back, then up onto your daddy’s shoulder. You laugh ‘cause his little feet tickle like CRAZY down your back, even if they’re a little pokey. He growls at his daddy, giving him a series of squeaks that you assume is his goodbye to his daddy, whose face isn’t smiling but isn’t frowning either.

“Alright, I’m off. Karkat, be nice! No biting anything but food! I’ll be back to pick him up at three, alright?”

“Of course. Say goodbye to Mr. Vantas you two!”

“Bah bah Mistew Vantus!”


He waves bye-bye, gives us a smile, and the walks off as your daddy shuts the door, bringing you back to your playroom where you and daddy were playing earlier and puts you two down on the really soft carpet. Your toys are all over, set out especially so you could figure out what to play next easily if you got bored of whatever game you were playing before.

“Alright boys, I’ll be just outside watching a little TV and doing some grown up work. If you need anything, just shout… or squeak. I’ll come get you for snack time and nap time, alright? Have fun!” And with that, Daddy shut the door, leaving you and Karkat to figure what you wanted to do first.

“So what y’wann’ do furst, Kawkat-tuh?”

“GRRRRRR… SQUEAK SQUEAK!” Karkat crawled over towards all your blocks, pointing at them with one of his front feet.

“Wann’ buil’ a cas’le?”

“SQUEAK!” He gave a little nod and started pulling out the big blocks as you start pulling out the smaller blocks.

Once you had built the castle, you decided] to be king and queen of your castle! You was the king and Karkat was the queen, although he didn’t like being the queen very much. Then you played little music thingies Jade’s Grandpa got you to “inrick your mind” or something. You played the one where you bang the stick on the top of the big, round thing and it makes the little banging noise, while Karkat tried to play the one where you press the little pushy things and noise comes out. He wasn’t very good, mostly because all his legs got in the way and it sounded all jumbled and weird. You at least made the right sound with your instrument, so you think you were better.

Then you became monsters and destroyed your castle from earlier.

Then Daddy came in for snack time! When did that happen! Karkat’s only been here for a little bit! …Right?

You had applesauce, Cheerios, and grape juice. Karkat got… something. The grubs always got really weird snacks. You asked him once if it was good, and you got a nod and a happy squeak in response… at least the Karkat version of a happy squeak, which is basically not an angry squeak.

Karkat sure is weird.

After that, Daddy brought you into your room, and set you both down in your crib. Snack time left you full and sleepy. He gave you each a kiss on the hair, and covered you in your soft, green blankie. Your blankie was the perfect blankie. It was soft and fuzzy, but you never got too hot or too cold in it, so you were always comfy when you slept.

Daddy walks out of the room, shutting off the lights. The room isn’t completely dark, as the light from behing the window covery thing lets in a little light, and you also have your green ghosty nightlight, which was always comforting. You look at Karkat through sleepy eyes, and before you fall asleep, you feel him wriggle closer to you and you put and arm on his side as you both fall asleep.


It was a good day.

Chapter Text

~2 years old, approximately 2 months and 4 days till one solar sweep~


~April 13th, 1998~


Your name is John Egbert, and it’s your birthday today! You have a vague understanding of what that means, but you mostly know that it means cake and presents and a party! You’re two years old now, and Daddy said that he invited Dave, Rose, Jade, and all of the grubs from daycare! You’re really excited to have all of your chums here! You can only wonder what they got you for a present!

You became friends with the grubs mostly through Karkat, and you got your normal friends to be friends with them too. You mostly play around Karkat and Vriska, but you get along with most of the others, too. Dave likes to play with Tavros and Gamzee, and also sometimes Sollux when Sollux isn’t playing with the number blocks constantly. Rose seems to get along well with Kanaya, they’re both really quiet and they like to draw a lot, but sometimes Kanaya will make them play dress-up. Jade is friends with almost everyone! Seriously, one minute she’ll be playing princess with Feferi and then the next minute she’ll be off adventuring with Aradia and Terezi..


You think the grubs are really cool.


It’s almost time for the party to start when you hear the doorbell ring. Your daddy is blowing up one last balloon (bright green, of course) as he answers the door. You don’t know who’s here, you’re busy playing with this cool truck Nanna sent from her house. You haven’t seen Nanna in a long time. Your daddy says it’s because Nanna’s REALLY old and she can’t move around too much anymore so she has to stay home. You decide to ask daddy if you could visit Nanna soon, maybe bring her some birthday cake.

Then, all of a sudden, a tiny Eridan is plopped in front of you. He lets out a little squeak and you look up at your dad wondering “What the heck is he doin’ here?”

“Hey son, Eridan’s dad had to drop him off early, so you play nice until the others get here, alright?”

“O-Okay Daddy!”

Your daddy smiles and goes into the kitchen, and you turn your attention to the purple grub that’s crawled into the bed of your dumptruck.

“Hi Ewidan!”


He inspects your new truck thoroughly, and he wiggles a little, as if trying to get it to move. You get an idea and start to push him around in your truck. At first he’s all surprised and makes a noise that sounded like “nyeh!”, then you think he’s having fun because he’s squeaking like Nepeta with her kitty picture book.

You continue like this for a while until Dave, Feferi, and Tavros show up, and you decide that you should play with Eridan more often. He’s pretty fun if you give him a chance.

Your daddy gathers you all up and puts you in your playroom, and shortly after that Rose, Kanaya, and Aradia show up. Eventually, your playroom is filled with all the grubs, each grub and kid doing something different. You and Karkat are attempting to paint one another with fingerpaints. Karkat came out like a red and black blobby thing, you came out… scribbly. You can kinda sorta make out your head, so you give him a smile and a thumbs up.

After a big game of hide and seek (which got complicated because you couldn’t make out the grubs’ squeaks as often as you’d hoped), your daddy comes in and says it’s time for cake! Your daddy, Mr. Vantas, Rose’s mommy, and Kanaya’s mommy stayed around to help out, and they helped get us in our proper seats.

You’re all anxiously squeaking and giggling until the lights get dimmer and Daddy brings out a round cake with your favorite green ghosty on it! There are two candles on top, and the adults are singing the birthday song and all your friends look so happy and soon you and Daddy are blowing out the candles and doling out cake.


Karkat immediately starts eating his cake, pretty much massacring it within the first couple seconds.


You think you couldn’t be happier. You smile and dive right in to yummy chocolate cake.


~June 18th, 1998; one solar sweep plus one Earth day~


Your name is John Egbert, and you’re worried.

You haven’t seen any of the grubs in a while. About a week ago the grubs all got sick, and yesterday the seemed to disappear completely! Not even Daddy seems to know where they’ve gone. You visited Nanna a while ago and asked her what you should do, and she said that maybe you should go see Karkat’s daddy and see if he’s okay.

Your daddy called Mr. Vantas, and Daddy said he’d take you over so Mr. Vantas could explain to you what’s going on.

You’re currently walking next to your daddy, holding his hand tightly.

“…Do you fink Kawkat’s okay, Daddy?”

He looks down at you with a reassuring smile. “Son, I’m sure Karkat’s dad will explain everything. Karkat’s daddy really loves Karkat, and I doubt anyone who loves their kid as much as he does would let something bad happen to them. Karkat is fine, John. Don’t worry.”

“…Do you wuv me as mush as Kawkat’s daddy?”

“Son, I love you more than you could ever know.”

After that, you smile at each other and he puts you up on his shoulders for the rest of the walk over. You feel much better now.

When you get to Karkat’s house, Mr. Vantas is waiting for you on the porch swing of his house. You and your daddy say hello, and Mr. Vantas give you both a nod before looking at you.

“Don’t worry kid, Karkat’s okay. But something has happened to him and you may be a little weirded out by it. But he’s perfectly fine, don’t worry. Come inside, I’ll show you.”

“He motions you two to follow him, and Daddy lifts you off him and onto the ground so you can attempt to run after Mr. Vantas.


You hope you’ll have longer legs at some point. Your legs are too nubby to run right.


Mr. Vantas leads you up to Karkat’s room. The door is closed, and he stops you before you can try to open it.

“Remember, Karkat’s fine, but something a little weird has happened to him, so don’t freak out, okay?” He taps you on the nose with one of his yellow-clawed fingers.


You nod, and he opens the door.


You notice that nothing appears very out of place.


Until you see the big, red cocoon in the corner of the room.

“…Is that…Kawkat?”

Mr. Vantas nods and leads you toward the big cocoon, crouching down to your level a few feet away. Your daddy is close behind, a little shocked at the scene as well.

“You see, John, when grubs are one solar sweep old –a little older than two years old for you- they start to go through a change. They make this cocoon, and they stay in there for a long time so they can change from a wriggler into a little troll, which is what I am.

“He’s perfectly fine in there John, but it’ll be a long time before Karkat comes out. A really long time. About a year, actually. But when he comes out, he’ll look like you! You can visit whenever you like, too! Okay, John?”

You look at the cocoon because HOLY GHOSTIES YOUR BEST BUDDY IS IN THERE!, then back to Mr. Vantas.

“…O-Okay! But Imma be comin ev’ry week until he’s outta there!”

Mr. Vantas and your Daddy smile at you with pride.


~3 years old, one and a little more than half a solar sweep~


~June 17th, 1999~


Your name is John Egbert, and you swear you just felt Karkat move.

You’ve been here every week since you found out Karkat was in a big cocoon-pod-thingamajiger. Mr. Vantas lets you in without a second thought now. You come in every week, sit yourself down in front of the cocoon, and tell him all about your week. You tell him about your playdates with Dave, how you and Rose had to sit through Beauty and the Beast over and over because her mom loved that movie, how you, Jade, and Jade’s dog Bec scared Dave so bad his glasses fell off and got a scolding (and a high five) from Bro.

You told him how you missed him. You told him you hoped he’d be out soon so you could play together again.

And today, after telling him this, you felt the cocoon move.

You’ve watched the cocoon get maybe three times its original size, and now, you felt it move.


You freeze.


It moves again, more this time.


The cocoon is now wriggling around, and Mr. Vantas is next to you so fast it’s amazing.




Suddenly, there’s a big crack in the smooth shell of the cocoon, and it’s getting bigger and bigger and red goopy stuff is coming out until…







Lo and behold, a grey, red, and black blob falls out of the cocoon, maybe a little smaller than you and very naked.

Mr. Vantas grabs the towels you realize he had set down near you and picks up Karkat up in one. He cradles him close, gently wiping off the ooze and making this odd purring noise.

It reminds you of when Daddy would wrap you up in your blankie and sway and hum to you to get you to sleep.

As the goop is cleared away, you can finally make out his grey face, his little fangs poking out, his candy corn horns and messy black hair.

He looks just like before! …Minus the grub body, of course. Now he looks normal!




He opens his eyes –big and yellow and cool- and looks around. He first smiles at his dad, who still has him cradled and swaddled in towels.


Then he looks over at you. You stare at him in awe like you have been since he fell out of his cocoon.


His smile from before turns into a fierce scowl.


“What the heck are YOU lookin’ at, jerkbutt? Haven't you ever seen a little troll before, Egbert? Oh wait, I forgot, you haven't. Sorry. But I'm not some wild clawbeast at the zoo, idiot! Stop staring!”


You smile from ear to ear. Your best friend is back.

Chapter Text

Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you hatched from your cocoon a few hours ago.
Your dad was right there with you, which was a miracle to you. Your dad was the ringmaster of one of the greatest circuses in the country, and naturally this meant that he was away a lot of the time. You know he cares and misses you a lot, but you can’t help but feel a little resentful when he leaves you alone.

But you’re never completely on your own, so you’re thankful for all your great friends. Especially Tavros. Tavros is your best buddy ever! You’re so excited to play with him on two legs, now! Daddy doesn’t like being around the Nitrams too much. He thinks they’re lovely people, but apparently back on your home planet Tavros’s family was very low on the social scale, while your daddy was almost at the very top. He’s not used to being on equal ground with people who used to be below him, and sometimes he’ll get nervous and freak out and say some weird stuff. No one wants him to freak out, so they’re fine with seeing less of him in person.


You kinda wonder why everyone’s so scared of your daddy freaking out.


Right now, you’re curled up under a blanket on the couch, already in your new clothes and all washed up. You and your dad are awaiting messages from everyone else at daycare to say they’ve hatched (although technically the messages are typed by their parents). So far, you’ve gotten messages from Nepeta, Terezi, Eridan, Equius, Kanaya, Sollux, and a picture from Karkat’s dad of Karkat and John snuggled up in John’s blankie, all hatched. You hope Tavros sends you a picture too! You’ll bet he looks really awesome!

Soon, Feferi sends a message, then Vriska, then Aradia. No sign of Tavros yet.

You wait a bit longer.


Then longer.


Then longer.


Until you get a frantic message from Mrs. Nitram.


Apparently something went wrong when Tavros hatched. Something went very, very wrong. He’s in the hospital.


You look to your dad, and he looks back. Both of your yellow eyes are wide and scared.


You both run (you stumble a bit, not used to the new legs yet), grab your coats, and simply reply that you’re on your way whether they like it or not.


~A car ride to the hospital later~


You’re greeted by Mr. Nitram at the entrance to the emergency room. He looks worried, although glad to see you. You run (and stumble) over to him and grab his leg and look up at him.

“I-Is Tavbro okay, Mr. Nitram?”

“Uh… We… We don’t know yet, Gamzee,” he looks to your dad, his hand petting your hair, “The doctors say that something went wrong when he… he pupated. It’s, uh, his legs. When he hatched, they came out all twisted and, uhh, sticking out at odd angles. They’re performing surgery on him right now. They said it’s gonna be quite a few, uhh, hours.”

You look to your dad, who looks slightly uncomfortable but more worried than anything. He gives you a nod, and you nod back.

“We’re staying with you! Tavbro has to be okay! Y-You’ll see!”


Mr. Nitram gives you a warm smile and a hug. You hug back tight.


You refuse to lose one of the most important people in your life.


~More or less four hours later, 11:46 PM~


You lean on your dad’s shoulder, trying to keep your eyes open. You are very tired, but you have to stay awake! You have to make sure Tavros is okay! Your dad’s huge, messy hair makes a good pillow, but you HAVE to fight it! But you’re losing this battle and you don’t know how long you can keep your eyes open.


Just when you’re about to drift off, a troll lady in a white coat comes up to you and the Nitrams and asks if you were Tavros’s family and/or friends. Your eyes shoot open. You are wide awake now.


Apparently, Tavros is completely fine. But they had to remove his legs, otherwise it could seriously hurt him later on. You’re frozen as Mrs. Nitram explains this to you, tears in her eyes. Mrs. Nitram is a human like John and Dave, and she is one of the nicest ladies ever. EVER.


You’re frozen because you know Tavros doesn’t have legs


You’re frozen because your best friend will never be able to run and play with you like you both had hoped.


You’re frozen because that must have been so painful to have your legs removed and you weren’t there to comfort him


You’re frozen because this is the first time you’ve ever seen a grown up cry before.


And you’re burying your face into her chest because such a lovely, nice person like her shouldn’t ever cry. Ever.


The troll doctor tells you that you can see him now, but he won’t be awake. That’s fine, and you all follow her down a few hallways and stop at one of the rooms.

You open the door and inside is your best buddy. With normal arms and a normal head and a normal torso, but small nubs could be seen in the medicinal recooperacoon. He looks so small, but you are relieved to see that he looks peaceful and isn’t in any pain. The doctor leaves you all alone to be with him, and your dad sets you down. His parents rush to the side of his ‘coon, while you –somewhat awkwardly- climb up the side of the red recooperacoon and slowly climb in next to him. The ‘coon isn’t deep, but you stay on your knees so you don’t ruin your new clothes. You reach out and hold his hand. His hand is slightly smaller than yours, same as the rest of him. And in that moment, you forget.


You forget that he doesn’t have legs.


You forget that you’ll never be able to run and play together like you both had hoped.


You forget that this whole mess even happened.


You squeeze his hand with both of your hands, gentle enough that your claws don’t scratch his new, soft skin.


Tavros is okay. You’ll both be okay.


You have to be okay.


~The next morning~


You’re awoken by a gentle nudge in the shoulder. You don’t know when you fell asleep, but you must’ve been taken home because you’re in your new recooperacoon in your new room. You open your bleary eyes up at your dad and he gives you a gentle smile. You smile back as he lifts you out of the recooperacoon and dries off the slime. You kinda wonder what it tastes like, but your dad explained that rule number one with your recooperacoon is never, ever eat the slime. It will mess you up.


You still wanna taste it.


As he helps dress you, he tells you all about Tavros’s current condition. He’s perfectly fine, and he woke up maybe an hour and a half ago. You look at him expectantly, and he assures you that you’ll be visiting him right after breakfast. As soon as you have your shirt on, you grin and run down the stairs towards the kitchen, while your dad chuckles and follows behind you, catching up to you easily and lifting you onto his shoulder. He puts you down on the counter and fixes up four Eggo waffles for the two of you, plus some strawberries and two cups full of orange juice.


You both take breakfast very seriously. It’s the most important meal of the day, you know.


Once you’re both done, you’re off to the hospital. You think today will be a better day.


~One ride to the hospital and walk to Tavro’s room later~


“H-Hi, Gamzee!”


He’s sitting up and smiling in a bed (you figure he must’ve been moved into the bed for the daytime). You grin and rush over to the bedside, laughing like an idiot. You’re glad to see him awake and okay and able to talk to you.

“Heya Tavbro! How ya feeling, dude?” You ask as you climb up it sit across from him.

“Oh, uh, I-I’m okay! The doctors say I should be out of the, uh, hospital soon! H-How are you?”

You hug him tight, trying to avoid getting whacked in the face by your friend’s huge horns. Luckily, Tavros tilted his head away, so planting your chin in his shoulder didn’t result in a broken nose. “I’m doin’ so much better now that you’re all okay, Tavbro!” You can’t see him smile, but you know it’s there as he hugs you back. “So… your legs…”

He pulls away and flushes a light brown, “Uhh… Well, the doctors said that there may be a few ways I c-could maybe, uh, get my legs back. B-But my parents don’t think we can get anything too fancy so I, uh, will… probably end up in a wh-wheelchair…” His face gets more and more sad the more he explains, and when he’s finished, you look outside the room to see your dad, Mr. and Mrs. Nitram, and the doctor talking. The doctor is expressionless as she talks, Mr. and Mrs. Nitram look pretty upset and worried, while your dad looks like he’s thinking really hard about something. He has his thinking look on. A look he always gets when he really needs to think about something. You can only hope they’re not talking about something terrible.

But your attention is drawn back to Tavros as the first few brown tears roll down his cheeks. He’s shaking and whimpering and all you can do is awkwardly pull him into your lap, put his face in your chest, and stroke his little Mohawk as he cries out all his fears and worries and sadness.

“I-It’s not fair, Gamzee! It’s just n-not fair!” He cries into your shirt, “I-I wanted to do so much! W-We were g-gonna do s-so much! Now it’s a-all gone and I’ll n-never be like you o-or the others and I’ll n-never be able t-to be with y-you or the o-others like we u-used to! I-I’ll get l-left behind! You’ll all l-leave me behind! Why, G-Gamzee? Why do m-my legs have to n-not work? Why c-can’t I g-get the stuff th-that’ll fix my legs? Why? W-Why me!?” He sobs into your shirt, and you cling to him tighter. You hold him closer and you think the same questions, but come up with no answers.


You gather up all your strength and prepare to tell your best friend that everything he thinks is wrong.


“Tavros, it’s not fair. It isn’t fair at all. You didn’t deserve to have any of this happen. But Tavbro, we’re not gonna leave you behind. I’ll never leave you behind, Tavbro. We’ll make it work no matter what happens. We’ll find new ways to play, and it’ll be just like we were before. None of us will forget you, we all care too much about you to let that happen. I…I dunno why they can’t get the stuff that’ll fix your legs, or why any of this happened to you. But you’ll be okay, Tavros. You’ll be okay. And if you’re not, I’ll help you. We’ll make it okay, Tavbro.”

He dries his eyes and nose and looks up at you questioningly, and you just smile and nod.


He starts to smile, which makes you smile wider, and soon it’s become a kind of competition for who can smile the biggest and you’re both laughing and you know the message got across. He doesn’t say thank you, but you know he’s grateful.

You then hear what sounds like a stampede in the hall, and as soon as you two turn towards the door, chaos breaks loose.


All of your friends, every single one of them, is there, and they’re all crowding around the bed asking if Tavros is okay, how he feels, if he’s bored, if they can touch his stumpy legs, and when he’ll be back to normal. Nepeta, Feferi, and John brought him gifts. Nepeta brought him her favorite stuffed kitty, Feferi brought him a little puzzle, and John brought him a hand drawn card signed by all of them (save Gamzee of course) and with a picture of Tavros smiling under a rainbow.


You turn to an overjoyed Tavros, and you know things will be alright for now.


~The next afternoon~


“Tavros Nitram?”


“It appears that someone has kindly paid for the prototype prosthetics for your legs.”

“W-Which means…?”

“We’re going to give you special fake legs that will allow you to walk like normal. We’ll have a specialist ready with the legs in about three days, and you should be able to have them attached the same day should your parents accept the treatment.”

Tavros’s parents looked shocked and overjoyed, agreeing right away and nearly skipping after the doctor to get papers after hugging and cheering with their son, who looked absolutely astounded. He looks at you with absolute wonder mixed with so much glee it nearly made him glow. You hugged him and congratulated him and chattered excitedly with him before your dad tugged on your hand, saying it was time to go home. You promised to see him with his new legs as you and your dad waved goodbye and left.


As you and your dad walk out to the parking lot, he looks over at you and winks. You know what it means and it fills you with happiness.


You wink back.


For once, you’re positive everything will be okay.

Chapter Text

~4 years old, a little more than two sweeps old~

~9 AM~

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and it is your first day at preschool today.

Your dad is currently driving you and your friend Sollux there, where you’ll meet up with the other kids and trolls. You’re a little nervous, because there’ll be more than just the kids and trolls there, there’ll be a bunch of other kids and trolls there that you don’t know. You know that you’ll at least have all your friends there, and that’s comforting. You just hope these new kids and trolls aren’t jerks. You’re already surrounded by enough of them.

“Jeeth KK, calm down. Thtop being thuch a thad thack and cheer up.”

Take for example, this jerk.

Your friend Sollux is a weirdo. A really weird weirdo. He loves red and blue and needs everything to be in pairs. He has an obsession with the number two, and his favorite animals are bees. BEES. Who the heck likes BEES? Weirdoes like bees. And Sollux is the biggest weirdo you know. He has red and blue eyes that he now hides with glasses that have one red and one blue lens. You think that his glasses are the most pointless things you’ve ever seen. He altho hath a lithp that you think ith really fun to teathe him about. He also likes computers and stuff like that, although his dad doesn’t let him use it very much. He can also do this weird thing where his eyes go all sparkly and crackly and he can move stuff around and lift stuff up and he calls it “thiconicth” and you translate that into “psiconics”


By the time you’re done naming all the weird stuff about Sollux, you’ve arrived at the preschool.


Your dad comes around and unbuckles you two from your carseats, and you both wave at Aradia, Equius, Nepeta, and Vriska who are all already there, and are playing something with some new kids. Your dad suddenly snaps and you both turn towards him. He looks stern, as per usual.

“Now you two play nice with everyone, ESPECIALLY the new kids and trolls, alright? I swear to Gog Karkat if I get a call from your teachers about you biting people, throwing things at people, or anything of that nature, you are going to regret ever hatching, okay?”

“Oh be quiet Dad, I’ll be fine. And if I end up being a Hellchild, I blame you! Because I’m apparently young and impressionable and the parents leave the greatest impression on their children, so if I go leapfrogging of the handle, it’ll all be on you and your bad parenting skills!”

“Have you been reading those parenting books Kanaya’s mom sent me?”

“Nope. Not at all.”

“Brat. I can tell your lying. Stay away from those. And I am a great parent, you little buttmunch. I feed you, clothe you, put a shelter over your head, get you medicine, take you to school, and love you unconditionally even though you are the most annoying little troll I’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with. So you get your butt in gear and BEHAVE YOURSELF.”

You and your dad have a stare down. You talk with your eyes, and after heavy debate, you come to a truce. He ruffles your hair and paps Sollux on the head (who has been staring at you and your dad in boredom during all that! Jerk.) and gets back in the car and drives off.

You turn to Sollux, and he turns to you. You both shrug and head towards the gate to the playground where Aradia, Equius, Nepeta, and Vriska await. You can hear Bro’s motorcycle behind you and you know Dave’s here.


You realize it’s going to be a loooong day.


~10 AM~


You are still Karkat Vantas, and YOU. HATE. FINGERPAINTING.

Your teachers are like the daycare ladies, there’s a human and a troll lady. They’re both very nice, but you kind of like the human lady better because she gave you all cookies whereas the troll lady just gave you sparkly stickers. Once everyone arrived, the teachers decide that everyone should fingerpaint a picture of their favorite thing.

You attempt to paint a cupcake, but what you hoped was a cupcake ended up a yellow, light blue, red, brown, purple, orange blob. Note to self: don’t try to fingerpaint sprinkles. Bad idea. When the troll lady teacher looks over at it, she smiles and says she’ll bring cupcakes sometime and puts a red star in the corner of the picture.


You’re back to liking both teachers equally.


They announce playtime, and everyone scatters around the room. Nepeta, Equius, and a troll kid you don’t know start playing house in the little fake kitchen area. Rose, Kanaya, and Terezi start playing cops and robbers (For being blind, Terezi is REALLY good at chasing, finding, and hiding games. She can smell anyone out from a mile away, and she’s the only one you know who can tell you what red tastes like. She’s been taught how to see through smell and taste since she hatched. And her picture of a gavel turned out better than your cupcake. How the heck does that even work?). Jade and Aradia plus a troll boy and a human girl are playing adventure. Dave, Tavros, and Gamzee are playing with the music toys, and it appears that Tavros and Gamzee are getting owned by Dave in their music battle of “WHO CAN PLAY THE DRUM THE LOUDEST???”. Vriska and Eridan are bickering over who gets the top of the play tower, while Feferi and Sollux are coloring on the table nearby with two human girls and another troll boy. You and John are attempting to build a city out of blocks, Legos, and toy cars.

And oh my Gog there’s so much noise.

“Nepeta –o-oh my- I do not think cats drink tea.”

“Terezi, I Have Apprehanded The Criminal As Per Your Instructions, Although I Still Do Not Know What Crime Rose Has Supposedly Committed.”

“Not important! Now, it’s time to put her on trial! Hehehehe!”

“Eridaaaaaaaan! Get off! This Tower is miiiiiiiine!”

“No wway, VVris! I’m the lord a this here towwer!”

“Whatcha drawin’ FF? Thquiddleth?”

“Sollu---x! Look at May’s drawing! It’s so glubbing cu---te!”

“Ms. Aradia, what do you think we should do? Shall we venture on into the cave?”

“Ms. Jade I think we sh0uld g0 f0rth! 0nward, friends!”

“Who, uh, taught you to play drums, Dave?”

“My bro taught me all that shit, man. Easy as easypie, which is the easiest, noobiest, pie ever thought of by the noobiest noob that ever did live.”

“That’s some sick language you’re spoutin’ there man. My pops says word like that ain’t cool, bro.”

All these voices all at once (not to mention the drums and banging and running around and EVERYTHING ELSE) make you want to shove these Lego’s in your ear, but you know that that’s a bad idea. You saw for yourself when Vriska shoved a Barbie shoe in Eridan’s nose that small things in small orifices don’t mix. Thank Gog John knows when you’re getting angry at things and is keeping quiet as he adjusts your Lego streets (which you immediately put right back because John is an IDIOT when it comes to planning a city).

“Okay, everyone! Story and snack time! Gather round Ms. Verena!”

Everyone puts down whatever they’re playing with (there’s some grumbling and you see some girls with dolls still with them as they sit) and gather ‘round the troll lady who’s sitting on a big, comfy looking chair. You sit between John and Gamzee on a cushy pillow you discovered on your way to the big rug where everyone was.

“Today, boys and girls, we’ll be reading a story called The Beauty and the Beast. Now,” she opens the book, “Once upon a time, there lived a young, handsome prince in a beautiful, large castle. Although he had everything he ever desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind to others. One night, an old beggar woman came to the castle, offering the prince a single rose in return for shelter from the cold. But the prince, repulsed by her withered appearance, sneered at the gift and turned her away. The woman warned him not to be deceived by appearances, but he still turned her away. Suddenly, the woman’s ugliness melted away, revealing her to be a beautiful enchantress. The prince begged her for forgiveness, but she would not accept his pleas. For she had seen that there was no love in his heart.

“As punishment, she turned the prince into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all that lived there. The beast, ashamed of his form, concealed himself in his castle with nothing but a magic mirror as a window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, indeed. It would bloom until his twenty-first year, and if he could learn to love, and be loved in return, the spell on him and his castle would be broken. If not, he would be cursed to be a beast forever. As years passed, the beast fell into despair, and lost all hope. For who could ever love a beast?”


And in that very moment, you found your love for romance.


~A story and some graham crackers later~



“Nap time, everyone! After nap time you’ll get to play some more until your parents come to pick you up!”

You grab your fluffy pillow from story time and flop down on the blue mats the teachers had set out for nap time. You couldn’t stop thinking about that story! It was so wonderful! You were nearly in tears when the beast was killed but then brought back to life by Belle’s love. Their love for each other knew no bounds! It was so fantastically lovely you could barely contain it!

And John –the buttface- just laughed and called it a “silly girl’s book”.


He, obviously, cannot see the perfection of that story. It was funny, tragic, and romantic. It was perfection. A true literary masterpiece. John’s just too much of a butt to see that.


And apparently, there’s a movie of the book! Oh, you’ll see that movie. You’ll see it even if you have to steal your dad’s car and drive it with broomsticks. YOU WILL SEE IT.

“Haha! Calm down, Karkat! I think I have that movie somewhere, you could come over and we can watch it, if you want! I could also show you The Lion King, too!”

John plops down next to you, grinning that stupid grin he has and throwing a blanket over the both of you. You and John have been sharing blankets since you were a wriggler, so there’s nothing really weird about it. But you’ve never really done it around your friends before, so you feel a little embarrassed by it. You feel more calm about it when you see Gamzee and Tavros doing the same thing, along with Feferi and Eridan, so you offer John part of your pillow (it’s a BIG pillow, too).

“…Fine, I’ll come over to watch it. I’ll talk to my dad, but there BETTER be some of your dad’s cupcakes when I get there, or I swear I’ll… I’ll…” You yawn loudly, and you can see John giggling at –most likely- your teeth, “I’ll do… something. I’ll tell you when I’m done sleeping and getting some peace and quiet from all these idiots I have to deal with regularly for some dumb reason.”

“Am I an idiot, too?”

“John, what kind of question is that? You’re the biggest idiot on this planet, and probably multiple other planets and most likely other dimensions.”

“Hehe! You’re so goofy, Karkat!” And with that, he curls up and falls asleep, just like that.

Maybe when he’s waking up and drowsy, you can smother him with the pillow. You grin at your brilliant plan before falling asleep right next to your future victim.


You dream of being that beast from the story, but your Belle isn’t quite so beautiful when she’s got buckteeth and also isn’t a girl. A really derpy non-girl who isn't so much of a love interest and more of and idiot.

Chapter Text

~Approx. 13.38 sweeps (or 29 years old), approx. 12.91 solar sweeps (or 28 years old)~

~1 PM~

Your name is Yeshua Vantas, and there’s just something about her.

You’re waiting outside the preschool for your little brat to be done when you see her once again. She’s a bit of an oddball, probably due to the fact that she was one of the trolls who had a human parent. She’s bubbly and sweet and the kind of person who could listen to someone talk about their problems on hours on end just to make them feel better.


She’s absolutely everything you’re not.


Felida Leijon.


She’s shorter than most, has long black hair that reaches all the way to her lower back, pointy and ear-like horns, and eyes that are ringed a deep green against a bright yellow. She has the overall appearance of a panther, but the absolute sweetness of a kitten. And it shows in her kid, too. Nepeta is a nice girl, and she appears to really like Karkat. You find it hilarious how he blushes and gets all embarrassed when she’ll suddenly start hugging him and purring and rubbing her head against him like a cat would. You and John like to have a good laugh over this, which always makes Karkat absolutely livid, which makes it even funnier.

You struggle to work up the nerve to talk to her, just like you have every other time you two had met. Oh sure, you’ve chatted a bit, obviously, but it was never very long and it never really went anywhere. You wish you weren’t such a coward and could just walk up and start up a conversation, maybe ask her out to coffee or something later.

But no, you’re a cowardly sap of a redstruck troll. Oh, of all the flush crushes you’ve had, this one has really stuck. Everything about her intrigues you, enchants you, and you’ve never felt like this before. Ever.


You lift you head out of your hands to see Karkat and John running towards you, and you can see Mr. Egbert walking towards you from the parking lot. You wave at the kids, then to Mr. Egbert. By the time the two tykes reach you, you and Mr. Egbert have said hello and all those pleasantries.

“Hey Dad, can Karkat come over to watch some movies? I wanna show him the Lion King!” Karkat nudges him in the elbow, at which John just giggles at, “And Beauty and the Beast, too! Can he, Dad? Pleeeeease?”

You look towards Mr. Egbert and shrug with a smile. Let the kids have their fun, and maybe you can get some time to think and relax.

“Well, if Mr. Vantas is okay with it, then that should be fine! Ready to go boys?”

They nod and run after John’s dad, and you quickly shout for Karkat to behave himself, only to earn a “SHUT UP, DAD!” in return. You shake your head, and suddenly you can her feminine giggles coming closer and closer.

You turn around and Felida’s right up next to you, watching the two boys run off towards Mr. Egbert’s car.

“Well, isn’t he just the cutest thing?” She smiles, and you can see long, glistening fangs. You still don’t feel the least bit threatened by her. You let out a chuckle, and look over to see Nepeta prancing off after Aradia and Jade.

“If you can call that crabby little annoyance cute. No kid either?”

“Nope, leaving her with Ms. Megido. If anyone can handle all three of them, it's that woman.” You both laugh. Aradia’s mother is a fun character to say the least. She’s an archeologist and a fantastically smart woman. She could outwit any of the brightest minds the world has to offer, troll or human. But you shake your thoughts away from Macari Megido and turn to the woman beside you, leaning on your car.

Now’s your chance. It’s now or never. Get your shit together and ask her you pathetic sack of fecal matter.

“So…um… We haven’t talked in a while. You maybe wanna, um, go get coffee? Maybe?”


You idiot. You blabbering, jabbering, moronic, STUPID retard of a wriggler. Now you’ve done it. Congratulations, you’ve just one the award for biggest idiot made out of one’s self. Good job, nookstain.


Why is she giggling? Are you blushing? Shit, you are. Now you’re blushing harder and now she’s giggling so much her cheeks are turning a forest green.


She’s fucking adorable.


Once she stops giggling she looks at you sincerely, and with those big, yellow eyes shining, she says:

“I’d like that a lot, actually. Your car, or mine?”

You smile like an idiot and you both hop in your car to get some overpriced coffee and cookies and talk about Gog knows what.


And you know, you think you couldn’t be happier.


And thus ends chapter one of one of the greatest love stories to ever be seen.

Chapter Text

Vera's Notes: My Interpretation of a Strider Chapter. This probably won’t get picked, but on the off chance it is feel free to make any adjustments to fit your verse you need if only because I feel like I took some liberties. There’s a pinch of angst in it, but I feel that one does not achieve true coolness like Bro has without having overcome some hardship.

~22 years old, 4 years old~

A few months before you turned 18 years old and ready to blow the entire universe's mind with your sick beats, your doorbell rang. Your good for nothing pops landed himself in jail till he breathes his last, and SURPRISE, SURPRISE! You had a brother who now needs someone to take care of him! All the more reason to get out from your mom’s boyfriend’s house. The only reason why the asshole didn’t hit you too is because you were too fast for him. You ran away shortly after, getting whatever job you could, a tiny apartment and keeping in touch with your mother via phone calls. She keeps telling you to come back. You never dignify this insanity with a response.

Your name is Dirk Strider, but Dave couldn't say "Dirk" without making it sound like "Duck" when he started to learn to talk, so you've just had him call you "Bro." Sometimes it crosses your mind that he might not actually remember your first name. This doesn't concern you over much, seeing Dave's face when he potentially realizes you HAVE a first name will be priceless, even with the (now) traditional Strider Shades hiding his eyes.

Dave has always been your motivation to stay strong and to persevere. One look at his sleeping face was all you needed to know you would fill out the necessary forms to take legal custody of him. You were just 18 and you suddenly didn't care that the universe's mind remained unblown.

Dave for his part seemed unaware that he’d had a mom (who you don’t know the identity of or where the hell she is) or a dad. As far as he knows, he has a bro, he lives in a crazy apartment at the top of an apartment building with a bunch of wicked awesome puppets and a few robots, and that is all the family he needs.

You’re 22 now, run a fairly successful website that sells high quality plush puppets you’ve dubbed “Smuppets.” It’s a hella niche market but you have a loyal following and they are quick to tell their friends about your products. Your “day job” is to take care of Dave. Building robots was kind of a hobby, until Mr. Zahhak found out about it and offered to put some of your work up in his robotics shop on commission. The money is unstable, but appreciated, and on weekends you teach a class at the nearby dojo. You’re constantly busy, but you are also successful and you get to spend all day with Dave.

Or you did. Because Dave started pre-school today. Which is cool, the lil tyke’s gotta get a good base for his education, get socialized, realize where he stands and how much cooler than the rest them he really is and ready himself for this weighty responsibility. And you’re damn proud of him for taking to the task like a champ, and while most of the moms that dropped off their kids cried like saps, you only had a little dust in your eye.

Striders do not shed tears unless onions, garlic and eye dust wrestle it from their very tear ducts.

Because of this fact, there was dust in your eye. Case closed. No matter what Pyrope says.

It is now the end of Dave’s first day of school. You wait by the entrance. Usually you take your motorcycle everywhere, but you don’t dare put Dave on that thing until his voice has stopped changing. When you and Dave go places, you take the train or the bus, depending on if you’re in the suburbs or the city. Dave … there is no other word for it, Dave STRIDES out of the front door, catching sight of you and nodding at you with what is supposed to be a cool air, but it just looks kind of cute and jerky. You nod too and grin, getting down on one knee and opening your arms in invitation for him to run into them.

He takes the bait, he’s too young to know when you’re testing his guard or not. You sneak in a quick hug before you flip him upside down, throw him over your shoulder and walk to the bus stop. His profanity is improving you note with pride. You’re probably going to be scolded by the people who run the preschool for that. Like you care.

Three blocks down his punches to your head are starting to hurt so you put him down, only to have him monkey climb up your leg, use your shirt sleeve to help hoist him up to sit on your shoulders as he tells you everything about his day.

Listening is confusing, he’s saying a lot of names in there you don’t recognize at all. There’s John and Karkat and you know those two loud mouthed knuckle heads for sure, Terezi is Pyrope’s daughter, Rose is Lalonde’s… But you’re unfamiliar with the six or seven new names he spouts. His coolness is coming in in leaps and bounds, but you like that you get to see him just so open with you, carefree.

Of course showing that kind of weakness to anyone else in the world could land you as a dead beat dad in jail, or a mother with a boyfriend who hits them. You have to teach him to not only act cool headed and strong, you need to teach him to BE cool headed and strong.

You’re pretty sure the booby trap in his room will help. It’s not as though it will hurt him, just bury him in a small mound of smuppets.

Everyone. Loves. Smuppets.

Chapter Text

~A little more than 2 sweeps old~


Your name is Eridan Ampora, and all you want is to have your tea part with Fef.

But you are unable to have your tea party with Fef due to a supreme jerk named Sollux Captor.

Glubbin’ freak.

You never really liked Sollux. He was always kind of a buttface about everything, even though you’ve spoken to him very little. You’ve never liked the way he does everything in twos, how everything has to be in yellow and black or red and blue, why he has to have those stupid glasses that serve absolutely no purpose, while you need your glasses to see. You don’t like how Feferi always wants to play with him instead of you now, and why people seem to like him more –even though he barely talks to anyone- while you have to go out of your way to try and make friends. Your dad is always really popular around the other parents, so why aren’t you? You guess it’s because your dad is just a really good story teller, plus he has that funny accent that apparently people think is interesting.

You don’t understand it. All you know is that Sollux is way more popular than you, and you. Can’t. Stand. It.

But, at least you have Fef, right?


So now you’re back at square one. You dad has dropped you off at the playground where you were supposed to meet with Fef and have a tea party with her. Some of the other kids thought having tea parties were for girls, but you think they make you look quite sophisticated and you enjoyed playing with Feferi and her stuffed animals.

But you look at the table and Sollux has taken your spot.

Your spot.

And that kiss-up is even making her stuffed squiddles move and pour tea.

What a freakin’ jerk.

“Hey, you!”

You storm over. Fef’s waving at you happily, but you are only focused on Sollux, who looks more unamused than anything. You plant your hands on the table and glare with all your might at the dual-horned troll.

“Eridan! I’m glad you could make it! Look! Sollux has joined us for tea! Isn’t that GREAT?” Oh Fef, so childish and cute and innocent. You soften your glare and push your glasses back up your nose as you turn to her.

“It wwould be, if I didn’t havve to deal wwith this jerk.” You point at Sollux, who is beginning to look slightly offended. Good, you hope he is.

“You got a problem with me, fithfathe? Too bad, becauthe I’m here and I’m not leaving,” he looks irritated, and he leans back and crosses his arms as if it’ll make him look cool. Wrong, loser, you’ll never be cool. Your cape swishes as you turn back to him.

“You’re in my seat. Get out.”

“What? No way. Take a different theat, jerk.”

“I wwill not just take a “different theat”, because that’s my seat! Get out!”





He stands up, and you can see his cheeks go ever so yellow and you can see crackles behind his eyes. He stupid freak powers, you assume. You reach back underneath your cape and put a hand on your toy gun that your dad gave you as a wriggling day gift. The little pellets it shoots really sting, but they won’t actually hurt anyone too badly, especially not a troll.

“Boys! Boys! Clam down! It’s just a silly tea party! Sollux, don’t be so stubborn! Eridan, there’s no need to be sooooooo~ overdramatic! Now, both of you sit down and enjoy your tea!”

You both turn to Fef, silent and respectful. You both nod slightly and sit down. You send one last glare his way, and he reciprocates instantly. He’s respectful to Fef -you’ll give him that- but he’s still a buttface. A huge buttface. What’s the word dad uses? Wanker? Sollux is a wanker. Definitely.

You take a deep breath and give Fef a little smile. “May I havve some tea, please, Fef?”

She grins back. All is well. “Why, of course! Sollux, will you please pour Eridan some tea?”

His face goes blank, then a grin that you know means trouble but looks completely innocent crosses his face. “Of courthe, FF! I would be happy to!” He grabs the teapot and looks at you with a smirk that can only be described as impish. You look at him warily, then at Fef. She smiles brightly, the sharp teeth making her smile look ever so slightly ferocious. You sigh, wince, and raise your cup up so he can pour it.

He smiles gently and leans in to pour the tea.


And promptly dumps the whole thing on your lap.

Ooooooopth~! How clumthy of me!”


You jump up and tackle him to the ground.


Soon enough, you’re fighting in the sand of the playground. You can hear Fef telling you both to stop it, and you know that your cape is getting absolutely covered in sand, but you’re too busy trying to beat the ever-loving glub outta this jerk. You were going to take out your gun and shoot him, but you’re beyond decent fighting techniques at this point, so you settle with whacking him in the head with it. He’s using his weird powers to make your other arm hit yourself, but that doesn’t stop you.

At some point, you’re not even using the guns or the powers, you’re just trying to pin the other down. You’re both so angry and full of contempt for the other that you’re just shouting names at each other while rolling around, trying to gain the upper hand.










You can feel a strong hand on your cape, and suddenly you’re tugged off Sollux. Why are they pulling you away! You need to teach that insolent brat what for! You thrash and kick and try to have at him, and you can see Sollux doing the same, red and blue sparks flying out from behind his glasses. You begin to calm down a bit as you notice that Sollux’s dad dragging him away.

You stop flailing and look up.


Oh Cod you’re in some deep, pee infested pool water now.


“Eridan! Wwhat the hell wwere you thinkin’?”

“But Fatheeeer! He stole my seat an called me names an poured wwater in my lap an hit me an called my cape stupid an an an an FATHEEEEEER!”

He’s stopped dragging you away and brought you over to the little swinging bench by now. “Quit yer wwhining!” He said, “Do yeh think our great troll ancestors threww fits wwhen someone insulted ‘em?”

“Yes Father, accordin’ to you anyone wwho spoke against them wwere culled on the spot.”

“…Let me rephrase that. Do yeh evver see me throww a tantrum or hit someone wwhen they call me somethin’ bad?”

“Yes Father, you and Vvris’s mom got in a fistfight the other day because she called you a “prude” or somethin’.”

“Alright, look. The point is that yeh shouldn’t go throwwin punches around or resortin’ to vviolence wwhenevver things don’t go yer wway. Do yeh understand me, boy?

His voice and words are stern, but you know in his eyes that he only does it to help you. So you nod, and his frown softens. The purple scar across his face is now looking less bent and more like your symbol. He kneels down and ruffles your hair, and you both turn around to see Sollux and Mr. Captor walking towards you. Sollux is looking at the ground, but your eyes meet for just a moment, and you both glare. Your dad stands back up and puts his hands on your shoulders. They both nod at each other, and Mr. Captor looks down at Sollux.

“Now Thollux, ithn’t there thomething you want to thay to Eridan?”

He glares up at his dad, who in turn gives him a glare right back. He’s looking at the ground again. You can’t help but feel a little smug.

“…I’m thorry for pouring the water in your lap and calling you nameth and whatever…”

Your dad gives you a little nudge and looks down at you. You know what that means… but do you REALLY have to? REALLY?

“Eridan, wwhat do yeh say?”

Now you’re looking at the ground, too.

“…I accept your apology.”

You get a forceful nudge to the shoulder.

“…And I’m sorry too for getting so wworked up ovver a seat and calling you names, too…”

Your dad gives you both a soft smile. “Vvery good, boys. Noww wwill you twwo play nice?”

You both nod, and Mr. Captor takes over.

“Well then, why don’t you two go back and make thure Feferi ith alright. Then, you can continue your tea party peathefully. Okay?”

You nod, and you walk back towards Feferi. As you’re walking, Feferi looks more and more pleased, but then he suddenly whispers to you.

“I really hate you, you know that, fithbreath?”

You both continue towards Fef, and you plainly whisper back:



“The feelin’ is mutual, you freak.”

Chapter Text

~4 years old, a little more than 2 sweeps old~


Your name is John Egbert, and Karkat looks like a goofball trying to carry all of your snacks to the living room where you’re waiting.

“Karkat, do you need any help with that?” You ask as you watch him barely catch a small can of lemonade with his foot.

“No! I can do this! I’m fine, Egbert!”

You of course ignore this and take all the drinks from him, leaving him to carry the popcorn and fruit snacks. You can tell he’s grateful, even if he acts a little bit miffed about it. Karkat doesn’t like to ask for help, but you can tell when he really needs it, even though he gets mad at you. But it’s okay, because he looks really silly when he pouts.

You set everything down on the little table and he crawls his way onto the couch, grabbing blankets and pillows and his crab plushie and obviously making himself comfortable. Which really means he’s just being a blankie hog. You roll your eyes and put your Beauty and the Beast tape in the player, turn off the lights, and then climb up the couch yourself.

You attempt to steal some blanket and maybe a few pillows for yourself, but Karkat turns to you and makes a little growl. It kind of reminds you of Rose’s kitten, Jaspers, when he has a mousey toy in his mouth. It’s a “back off, bub!” growl, but it’s mostly too cute to be at all threatening. You’ve dealt with Karkat’s possessiveness before, and although it’s taken you a while to figure it out and test it, you now have a perfect weapon against Karkat.


You give him –what Nepeta calls- the sad kitten eyes.


You muster up the saddest, biggest kitten eyes you can muster and throw it all at Karkat full force. He looks at you and you can literally see him start to crack. But right before you see him give up, he shakes his head and buries himself in his blankets. He starts yelling at you, but it’s pretty muffled.

“No way, Egbert! I am on to you and your stupid big, sad eyes trick! You are not taking any of my blankets OR my pillows! They are mine! Mine I tell you, MINE!”

You humph, and turn to the screen as the previews fade and the movie starts. Karkat peers out from his bomb shelter of warmth to look at the opening screen. You’re a bit chilly, since your dad turned down the heat after seeing the amounts of pillows and blankets you were amassing, so you rub your arms and try to chase away the little goosebumps that cover them.

Right as the narrator starts to speak, Karkat wiggles his way towards you (along with his cave of warmth and pillows) and opens up a bit of his wall. You see he’s letting you in and grin. Karkat’s a big, snuggly softie, no matter how fierce and angry he is all the time.

You wriggle around until you find Karkat in your arms and your head in his hair. You both smile a bit and watch your movie, properly snuggled and ever so toasty.


~Approximately 1 hour and half later…~


“John! John! That was SO amazing John! Oh my Gog did you see how just utterly amazing that was, John? Their love for each other is just so DEEP and TRUE and INCREDIBLE! Her tears and undying love brought him back to life, John! THAT IS TRUE LOVE, JOHN! TRUE. LOVE.” Karkat rants in your arms as he attempts to dry the red tears in his eyes. You’ve learned to just nod and pet his hair when he gets like this, even if you didn’t like the movie all that much. Beauty and the Beast was pretty okay, but the really good part was at the end during the big fight scene! That was pretty epic!

You untangle yourself from Karkat’s flailing limbs and hop over to the VCR player, giving a little shiver as the warmth from your snuggle cave is drained by your chilly house. You already miss your snuggle cave, even if it has been taken over by a flailing, wailing, ranting Karkat.

The Lion King isn’t as romantic as Beauty and the Beast, but I think you’ll like it! There’s a bit of romance or whatever, but there’s lots of action and stuff! And the lions are REALLY cool!” You grin at him and run back to your Snuggle Cave of Warmth and Pillows after putting in the tape. You both return to your earlier snuggling positions, and you both whisper back and forth to each other excitedly during the previews about which movies you’d like to see, as if you’re in a theatre seeing this movie, not on your couch. You shush him and he growls at you when the movie starts, but it mostly turns into a purr as the loud opening jibberish starts.


~About another hour and a half later~





~About a half hour of cartoons later~


Your name is Mr. Egbert, and you now have SO many adorable pictures of your boys in their Snuggle Cave of Warmth and Pillows. It might sound a little creepy taking pictures of your kid and his best friend while they’re asleep and snuggled up together, but you doubt anyone could resist not taking at least a few pictures of this absolutely adorable sight. Karkat might maim you for it when he’s older, but you think John’ll like them one day.

You hope they’ll like the cupcakes you made once they wake up, too. You made them special for them.



“Those two boys are certainly something,” you think aloud.

Chapter Text

~Approximately 13.85 solar sweeps (30 human years), approx. 13.38 solar sweeps (29 human years)~


Your name is Yeshua Vantas, and the candy red box in your pocket weighs an absolute fuckton.

The love of your life is holding your hand as you walk towards your coffee shop. Yes, it really was your coffee shop. Well, figuratively speaking at least. This was the shop you took her to on that fateful day about a year ago. You quickly peck her on the cheek as you turn the corner, hearing her giggle and peck you back. You can only wonder what you did to deserve such a beautiful, kind, perfect, unbelievable, adorable, loving, incredible woman. And not only do you have her, but she thinks the same about you. Your kids are such good friends, and Karkat loves her like Nepeta loves you. You love them back –all three of them- with all the love and affection you can muster out of your heart.

It’s all in place. All those scattered bits of unending middle pieces of the puzzle have finally found their edge pieces, and everything is working out. It wasn’t always perfect, a lot of the time you tried to stick two pieces where they didn't belong and it didn’t turn out right, but she was always there to help put the right piece down, even those ones where it's hard to tell because the pieces are similarly shaped and the colors are basically the same and the box isn’t helping at all.

You’re going to propose. And you picked out a ring with the purest, shiniest emerald you could find and put it in a candy red box. You wanted it to match her eyes.

But Gogdamnit, you were nervous as fuck.

You open the door for her and grin as she curtseys like the proper lady she is. You grin and walk in behind her, so sure this is the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, come Hell or high water. You’re absolutely sure about this, but the very idea that she could say “no” is what makes you shake in your boots.

You don’t let your worry ruin your good mood. The worry can come later. For now, you and her walk up to the familiar cashier with her by your side. The teen smiles at you and you smile back. She was one of the first to know of your relationship, she guessed it right off the bat.

“Hey there Mr. Vantas, Ms. Leijon. The usual?”

“Hey there, Aranea. Yup, the same as-“

“) (---EY ARAN---EA!”

You peer behind your familiar cashier to see a new face, one with pink glasses and two long braids carrying out fresh coffee cake from the small kitchen in the back. Her appearance isn’t what worries you, it’s the absolutely manic grin on her face.

“I got a new trick for you! Wanna see?”

“I don’t think I have a choice either way, Meenah. Just try not to harm the customers this time.”

“I make absolutely no promises.”

She sets down the coffee cake and begins to twiddle three forks in her hand with such skill you actually fear for your safety.

“I’ve been working hard on this one, you know! So, Aranea, tell me… What do you do when coffee cake’s done?”

“Oh dear Gog… I’d suggest ducking and covering, she just nearly missed an elderly man the other day trying to pull a stunt like this…”

“SHUT UP! …Ahem, again, what do you do when coffee cake’s done?”

A moment of utter silence.


She tosses the three forks in the direction of the coffee cake, and you instinctively try to push Felida behind you.


They all land squarely in the cake, sticking directly upwards.


You and Felida applaud with bemused faces, Aranea just rolls her eyes.


“Don’t mutilate our products with your forks this time. I still don’t understand where you even GET them! This is a coffee shop! Everything we sell is finger food! There is no need for forks at all!”

“You never know!”

“Get back to the kitchen and make this order or I swear to Gog you’ll have encounters with silverware of an entirely different nature, I assure you.”

You lead Felida away, because you know if you stay they’ll just gossip on and on about… Gog knows what. Women are strange, strange creatures. You take her over to your favorite window seats and smile at each other from across the table. Your eyes are locked, but there’s no awkwardness or embarrassment. You love her eyes. You slide your hand over her and hold it tight. She sighs happily and grabs back just as hard.


It’s time. You work up all the nerves you can manage and you other hand is fumbling with the ring in your pocket.

“Felida, I’ve been meaning to ask you something… And you are not allowed to laugh at me because this is fucking serious emotional shit right here.” A giggle. “I said don’t laugh! This is important!” Great, now you’re laughing with her. Your nervousness falls away as you listen to her adorable laugh. Once you’ve calmed down, you look into her eyes, and she tilts her head in her goofy cat-like way.


“Felida Leijon… W-Will you-“



“Oi! Don’t call me “Shamey”! My name is Seamus! Seamus Dualscar Gogdamn Ampora! Get it right you drunken wwench! And howw wwas I supposed to knoww he wwas really going to go through wwith it?!”

“You weren’t! That’s the pooooooooint! Kids are pretty unpredictable, but when it comes to your boy and his wizards, he quiiiiiiiite serious.”

“I should’vve nevver bought him that book… Harry bloody Potter, wwhat a fucking arse. Howw the hell did he evven get the costu- WWAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! YOU GAVVE HIM THE BLOODY COSTUME, DIDN’ YOU? YOU CHEATING BITCH!”

“Ah, ah, ah, Shamey! I had absolutely nothing to do with it at all! You lost fair and square! So pay up!”


You and Felida look over towards the loud, possibly (and probably) intoxicated or hungover trolls who walked in and spoiled your moment, who are none other than Spinneret Mindfang Serket and Seamus Dualscar Ampora, renowned rivals and drunkards extraordinaire. From what you can tell, it seems that “Spinny” (as she is known by some) has cheated Seamus out of coffee by making little Eridan go to preschool dressed as Harry Potter. You wondered why he had looked so pale and Serket so smug when they dropped off their kids that day for school. They appear to not have noticed you and Felida so far, so you shrink back to your original positions, clear your throat and attempt to begin again.


“So, um, yeah, Felida Leijon, will you m-“


“Yeshua? Felida? Hello!”

You turn to see Ivory Maryam tapping on the glass. You’d be more pissed off if this was anyone else, but you can’t stay mad at her. You wave her in, and she rushes over to the entrance.

But of course, the worst possible thing had to happen just as she walks in.


Her eyes meet Mindfang’s.


The awkward is practically tangible.


“Helloooooooo, Ivory,” Mindfang drawled out happily, strutting over and dragging a reluctant Dualscar with her. Though, when he realized that the conversation would be delaying his pay-up he perked up again. “Fancy seeing you here right now!”

“Hello, Spinneret. I guess you could say that,” Ivory said in a flat tone, obviously not wanting to start a conversation. She really dreaded these moments.

“Why the formaaaaaaaality, Ivy? You were never like this back in school!” The cerulean troll whined, clearly not wanting to end their chat.

“We’re not in school anymore, are we?” The jade blood replied cuttingly. Why, why, why did she have to bring up college? It’s hard and no body understands that bringing up college is just not a good idea at all! You know that whole story, and the fact that she’s bringing it up now is just begging for a fight

Mindfang snickered and said, “Bet you wish we were. Bet you wish-”

“That you would keep the past. In. The. Past.” Came a quick cutting reply, as Ivory interrupted Mindfang’s taunt, blushing bright green at the memories that she tried to hide away, you can just see it in her poor, pale face. All the while Dualscar was snickering, until Ivory rounded on him and stomped forwards. “And you! Shut up!” She snarled, blushing even worse than before.

And of course, Ivory has lost all interest in joining you. Her sole focus now is to take her bickering with Mindfang to a whole new level of loud and psycho. And you and Felida both know that Mindfang will only take that challenge and milk it for all it’s worth.


This cannot end well for anyone.


“Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Run along and, uh, go somewhere else! Because you, uh, can’t come into the buildi- Perses, what are you doing with that cat?”

“We can’t just leave him out here! He’ll get all cold and sad, you know? What kind of cruel, mean troll leaves a poor little pawbeast all out in the cold September air?”

Oh goodie. More idiots join the fray. Atlas Nitram and Perses Makara walk in and wave at you. They walk over to you, Perses fiddling with the cat he’s failed at hiding in his mound of hair. You can tell he’s done something today to make him calm; he usually isn’t so chill around trolls of a lower blood caste. But whatever makes him not insane and a fit parent is generally okay by you. You like Atlas Nitram, he’s a good dad and a nice guy, and behind that slow speech and small voice is strength enough to lift at least a car and a Vespa. No lie. You saw him do it once.

Of course, you can barely hear anyone now, because Mindfang, Ivory, and Dualscar are all shouting at the top of their lungs, Perses won’t stop petting his cat and mumbling things about it, and not to mention Aranea and Meenah shouting at each other. You swear you saw the manager peek down from the stairs that led up to his office with a broom in hand, but he was smart and backed away at the first glance at the Terrible Trio at one of his tables. Atlas was trying to politely talk to you, and you can tell Felida is both annoyed and amused by the situation, but probably more annoyed than confused.

This was supposed to be perfect! It was supposed to be nice! Calm! Not a giant hullabaloo with hungover highbloods shouting at each other and a poor jade blood thrown into the ring with them, a stoned ringleader with a cat in his hair, two fighting teen trolls with deadly forks, and a gentle Taurus trying to calm them all down.













The entire establishment went absolutely silent. Those who were normal customers came out from the small balls they were slowly forming in their seats just to see the furious, red-eyed troll (a.k.a you) finally take control of the utterly insane situation they were all unfortunately placed in.




More silence. Your chest is heaving, you having forgotten to breath for a few phrases during your rant. You turn towards Felida, who apparently took the ring box sometime during the ranting and raving and massive amount of profanity. She’s gazing at the ring fondly, and then looks up at you and your eyes meet. Her eyes are calm while yours are still a bit wild


“…You were going to propose?”


You nod, slightly shocked and partially frozen in place. You can feel the red rush up to your cheeks as you blush. She just grins.

She puts the ring on, and shortly afterward you have an armful of a teary eyed troll chanting yes, yes, yes.


You break out into one of the biggest smiles you’ve ever had and squeeze her back, kissing her hair and giggling with utterly hysteric happiness. You can hear the applause of the customers in the background but all you can hear is your fiancée’s stream of yeses.




Suddenly, everyone turns to the corner of the store, where a cackling Sandra Redglare Pyrope (who has apparently been filming since the moment you walked in) is typing away furiously at her laptop.



“Oh, everyone on Facebook is going to absolutely LOVE this~!”

Chapter Text

~5 years old, a little over 2 and a half sweeps old~


Your name is Karkat Vantas, and your dad is getting married today.

You’re supposed to be the ring bearer, which basically means you just walk down the aisle once they tell you to and give your dad and Ms. Leijon a pillow. I guess you should start getting used to calling her “Mom”. You know your dad would like you to.

Speaking of your dad, he’s an absolute wreck. You, him, John, and Mr. Egbert are all in this little tucked off room in the chapel. You’re dad is tying your little leather shoes, and Mr. Egbert is helping tie John’s bright, neon green tie. You’re all “dressed to the nines” or whatever the phrase is. You and your dad’s hair has been tamed as best as that poor stylist could manage, which means you look slightly less scruffy than normal. You look at John, who has his hair all combed back with gel. You snicker because John looks absolutely RIDICULOUS with slicked back hair. All he needs is a handlebar mustache, a monocle, a cane, and a top hat and he’ll become the perfect gentleman.

Your dad leads you over to a mirror where the both of you can adjust whatever is left to adjust. You look at him as he adjusts his bright red tie and you don’t know how to feel. He looks so nervous, but also so happy. You suppose you’ve got to be glad for him, he is marrying the woman of his dreams. She’s the Sleeping Beauty to his Prince Charming, the Mulan to his Sheng, the Meg to his Hercules, The Nala to his Simba! You realize that you can’t stop making Disney comparisons, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to stop.

Anyhow, you really like Ms. Leijon, she watches your movies with you when you’re over, and she makes really good hot chocolate, and she TOTALLY got Dave in trouble with Bro when he tried to draw mustaches on the covers of all your movies. Whether Dave actually got in trouble for that, you don’t know, but it was a real sweet moment watching him flail under the pressure of Ms. Leijon’s vocal beat-down. That woman is scary sometimes. You like that about her.

“Hey Karkat! How do I look?”

You turn around to see John turning around in his suit. He looks ridiculously happy, being in that tuxedo. His hair and tie make him look a bit silly, but you give him a small smile, or at least a slightly less scowl-y face.

“You look like an idiot. A well dressed idiot, but and idiot nonetheless.”

He just giggles and scampers back over to Mr. Egbert, who picks him up and spins him around. Your dad ruffles your hair, not wanting to ruin his suit.

“Alright, men. Game time. I need to take my place at the altar with Mr. Egbert, so how about you boys go check on Nepeta and the girls. Be sure to knock first, though!”

You and John nod and scamper off to the girls’ dressing room.


~The Girls’ Dressing Room~


Your name is Nepeta Leijon, and your mom looks like an angel.

You and some of your friends’ moms have been helping your mom get ready all day. She’s getting married to Karkitty’s dad today and she’s finally done. She gets up on a tiny step in front of the mirror and twirls. She looks like a princess! You get a giant smile from your mom as you realize you said that out loud. You blush and hug Pounce de Leon closer to you; he’s all dressed up like a proper gentleman for the wedding, as well. You’re in your flower girl dress, a pale green with a silk, forest green ribbon around your waist. You can’t move as well in it as you can in your regular sundresses, but you feel so pretty so it’s okay. Plus, Mommy has forbidden any kind of wild explorations in the chapel, so you won’t be going adventuring anyway.

Ms. Lalonde suddenly picks you up and tells you (or at least you think she tells you. She talks kinda funny) that you have honor of pulling the veil over your mom’s head. Your mom kisses your cheek before letting you put the veil all the way down, and you both giggle.

She takes you in her arms and gives you a big hug, careful not to wreck all your hard work. “You’re the best daughter a mother could ask for, you know that, right?” You nod. “I just want to make sure you know that even though I’m getting a husband and a new son, that you will ALWAYS be my girl. Same as how Karkat will ALWAYS be my boy. You understand?”

You nod and smile. She would never leave you behind. “Yes, Momma!”

“Can we come in?”

You turn towards the door to see Karkitty and John poking their heads through the door before knocking. You smile and wave them in.

“Felida is all ready to go! Is it time for the ceremony?” Ms. Maryam asks the two boys as they step in sheepishly. John nods at the moms, Karkat nods at you and Mommy. You mom sighs and puts you down before stepping off the pedestal. She smoothes herself off, gives the mirror one fast check, and hands you your basket of flowers. “Now remember, Nepeta! You and Karkat come out right after Mr. and Mrs. Nitram go down the aisle. Karkat knows, right?” She turns her attention to Karkitty and he nods. “Now Karkat, when the minister asks for the rings, just go up to where we are and show him the pillow with the rings on it and he’ll take them and you can just sit back down with Nepeta, okay?” He nods again, and she smiles. She lifts up her veil and gives him a big kiss on the cheek, making him blush. She then stands back up and calls out to the moms.

“Alright ladies! It’s showtime!”


~The Wedding Ceremony~


You are Karkat Vantas, and you are nervous as heck.

You’re holding Nepeta’s hand as you prepare to walk down the aisle. The pillow with the rings on it (made lovingly ornate and perfect for someone who’s 2 and a half sweeps old with claws by, surprisingly, Bro. The rings are sewn to the pillow with a string that should pull out easily enough but also strong enough that the rings won’t fall off the pillow) is in your other, like how Nepeta has her flower basket (which she somehow fit her stuffed cat inside) on her other hand. You give a little shake, because this is a big moment! This is the moment where you prove that you are a big kid, now!


You pray to whatever being is looking down on you now that Nepeta can’t feel the sweat on your palms.


“Hey Karkitty?”

You turn to Nepeta, who’s now looking at you.

“I’m glad that I get to have you as a brother. I mean, I’m also glad my mom has found her love in your dad, but I think the best part of this is getting you for a brother. So don’t be worried, okay? You’ll be fine.”

You gulp and nod, wondering if that helped or just made everything a whole lot worse.

There’s only one couple ahead of Mr. and Mrs. Nitram now, so you make it quick.

“I think you’re gonna make a pretty good sister, too.”

You both start walking down the aisle with a smile on your faces. Nepeta throws her rose petals and you proudly display the rings for all to see, and you feel pretty dang good, too.

You and Nepeta take your seats, and your dad winks at the both of you before turning his attention to the center aisle as the music starts playing and your new mom commands all attention as she starts walking. She looks like Cinderella, only with long, black hair, grey skin, and horns. Troll Cinderella. Once she makes her way up there, the ceremony begins.

“Ladies and gentlemen, family, dear friends, and dear children. We are gathered here today to join Felida Leijon and Yeshua Vantas in holy matrimony!”

When he asked for the rings, you went up and did your part perfectly. When you sat back down, Nepeta took your hand again and held it throughout the whole ceremony.

And when your parents kissed for the first time as husband and wife, you got up and cheered together.

They were happy. You were happy. Nepeta was happy. Everyone, for once, was just happy. It was strange, seeing everyone just so happy. It was like the whole room had just been given 413 million dollars.


It was a good day.

Chapter Text

~5 years old, a little more than two sweeps old~


Your name is Karkat Vantas, and oh my Gog it’s so loud in here.

Your dad’s wedding ceremony thing just ended, and now everyone’s at some big place with a bunch of tables and a dance floor and Bro is DJ-ing and everyone’s either eating or dancing and you can barely stand the noise. You, John, Rose, Sollux, Gamzee, Nepeta, Kanaya, and Terezi are at one table while the others are at the neighboring table. Some of you are chatting about, some are eating quietly, some are arguing (who thought it was a good idea to put Eridan and Vriska at the same table?), and some are wishing you could just go home. That last one is you, by the way.

You’re happy for your parents, really, but you’re tired! It’s been a long, emotional day, and you’ve finished your dinner, so can’ you just go home? You don’t want to ask your parents (that sounds so strange, parents. It kind of makes you happy. Really happy, actually) Seeing as they look so ecstatic and peaceful and in love! You decide that you’ll talk to them later, maybe when one of them is alone. Right now, you focus on John, who has been kicking your foot under the table for quite some time now, and it’s REALLY starting to make you mad. So, you kick back.

Then he kicks.

Then you.

Then he kicks twice.

You do the same.

He kicks three times.

You shove him nearly out of his chair.

“Do you mind, Egbert? I’m trying to enjoy my dad’s wedding, and part of that enjoyment is being taken from me by your annoying, pointless, incessant kicking!” You glare at him, but he just rights himself back on the chair and laughs.

“Aw, c’mon Karkat! I’m just bored is all! No need to get all grumpy about it, you doof,” he grins his dumb, bucktoothed grin and you roll your eyes, “Hey Karkat, wanna go request a song from Bro? The rest of us are getting pretty restless, too. And I don’t think Eridan and Vriska should be kept so close any longer!” You turn, and he’s right. Poor Tavros is sitting in between them, and the poor troll looks about ready to cry. You quickly tell Gamzee to go rescue Tavros while you and John run up to Bro, who is currently flirting with one of Jane’s cousins. You think his name’s Jake but you’re not positive.

John’s the one to actually ask him. He gets Bro’s attention with a small bag of Doritos you didn’t even know John HAD. He crinkles the bag a bit and Bro turns toward you lightning fast. After some very, very short bargaining, Bro agrees to start playing some dancey music in exchange for the Doritos. John grins, takes your wrist, and runs off back to the table. You can hear the sound of profanity and streamers behind you. How John even PLANNED for that, you don’t know. And you don't really want to find out.

By the time you return to the table, you hear the sound of Bro getting this party started with some sweet beats and sick rhythms. The kids all grin and one by one trickle onto the dance floor, along with a few of the adults (Rose’s cousin Roxy was particularly enthusiastic. So much so that she either forgot to leave her drink at the bar or felt the need to bring it with her). Even though you are slightly less bored watching people dance, you think dancing would probably make it even LESS boring. But there’s one fatal problem with that idea, and it is that you are absolutely WORTHLESS at dancing. Worse that Equius, who looks like he’s having a sweaty seizure every time he starts attempting to dance.

But of course, due to the people you tend to associate with, avoiding dancing is like trying to hold your breath underwater. You can hold it for a while, but eventually you have to come up for air. But rather than coming up for air, it’s more like John Egbert yanking you out of the pool by your arms. Speaking of John Egbert, he’s attempting to drag you out onto the dance floor. You, of course, are vehemently against this idea, but you know that John will never stop trying until you go. So, kicking and yelling, you go onto the dance floor, and begin to kind of sway a little bit in an attempt to appear dancing but move as little as possible. John is not having it, though, so he (being the snot that he is) grabs your arms and begins to spin you around like a maniac. And on top of that, he has the NERVE to laugh while he’s doing it! All the while, your so-called friends have surrounded the both of you, cheering and laughing and jeering and you can feel yourself stop frowning. You don’t know if this is because you’re maybe, MAYBE having fun with this or if you’re just getting really dizzy.


~A bathroom trip and half an hour later~


Your name is Karkat Vantas and you’re getting really sleepy. A lot of the older people and a few of your friends have left already. You’re up way past your bedtime, and although most kids would think this is fun, you just find it a pain. You and john are nearly asleep at your table, keeping awake by talking and kicking each other in the leg under the table. It’s actually pretty okay, but you still want to go to bed.

Just as you think you’re about to fall asleep, Bro’s voice rings out around the room. “Aight, ladies and gents, looks like the little dudes are crashing and I think it’s about time to wrap this gig up,” Bro’s voice still hold quite a bit of energy, but you think that’s because he’s used to working later than this as a DJ. There are a few moans of disappointment from around the room, but everyone’s still just smiling along. “Now, now, we ain’t callin’ this a night without one last dance by our favorite newlyweds!” Bro then starts up a nice, slow song and your dad takes your, well, mom out onto the dance floor and twirls her about like the stupid romantic you know he is.

You and John raise your heads towards the couple, and you can’t help but feel really happy for your dad. He looks better than you’ve ever seen him, like he’s been completed somehow. Not to mention Nepeta’s mom. She’s not only seemed a lot more cheery, but has made your dad so very happy as well. You look over at Nepeta, who is slumped over in her chair, fast asleep with her stuffed cat Pounce being used as her pillow. You think that maybe this family thing will be okay after all. You look back over to your parents, and you decide to close your eyes for just a little while.


~Two stops and a flight to Hawaii later~


Your name is Yeshua Vantas, and as you look out over your balcony at the beautiful scenery around you with your stunning and lovely wife in your arms, you believe that you have finally reached the happiest point in your life… so far.

Chapter Text

~5 years old, a little more than 2 sweeps old.~


Your name is Nepeta Leijon... or is it Vantas? Either way, today is moving day.


Your mom and Mr. Vantas (Should you start calling him dad?) returned from their trip-thing a few days ago, and apparently you’re all moving into a new house that your parents (that feels really weird to think) bought together. So, all day today you’ve been finishing up packing.


It still feels purretty strange.


Not just the move but just having a DAD and a BROTHER now! It all feels like everything’s been moving so fast and its hard to keep up with all these things happening at once. You sit on your barren bed with Pounce tight in your arms and look around at the soft greens and pinks that line your room. See, when you were just a wriggler, your mom decided to paint tiny pink flowers all over your walls, even though it kind of clashed with the green walls that were already there. But you loved it. It made you feel as if you were in a forest or a jungle and you had so many adventures here. You feel more than a little upset to leave it. You want to remember it forever.


You open one of your boxes and pull out some of your crayons and some paper and draw.


You start with the flowers because if you do the green first, the pink won’t come out right. You also think about your mom. In these past few days she’s been the happiest you’ve ever seen her be. And your mom by nature is an incredibly happy person, but Mr. Vantas (you’ve given up on the whole “dad” thing for now) seems to make her glow in a way you’ve never seen. Like in your books, where the sleeping princess is awakened by her prince. Only in this case the princess wasn’t sleeping or trapped in a tower, but riding her own horse and finding her true love on her own. Mom wasn’t ever big on waiting for things to happen, she preferred to make them happen. You’d like to think that you take after her in that way.

By now you’ve finished your drawing -a kind of messy version of your wall- and Mom is knocking on the door, asking to come in. You pocket the drawing, grab Pounce and open the door, where upon opening you are scooped up and tickled by your mom. You both laugh and she plops you down on your bed before sitting down next to you. You look up and she’s grinning at you with soft eyes and an easy smile. She puts an arm around you and you snuggle into her side and start purring as she pets your hair.

“Nepeta, I wanted to talk to you for a little bit before we make the final move. I know that this must all be kind of weird right now, right? And I want to be sure that you’re okay with all this, and that you don’t get swept up and think you’re forgotten in this whole mess. So, kitten, you okay?”

You look up at her, and you can see she’s a little worried, but she still gives you that nice smile.

“Don’t worry Mama, Nepeta will be purrfectly fine! Nepeta DOES have 2 kitty bitty questions, though.”

“Ask away, kitten.”

“Does Nepeta have to start calling Mr. Vanthiss ‘Dad’, now? And should Nepeta be Nepeta Vanthiss or Nepeta Leijon?”

Mom looks a bit confused and thinks about it for a minute. But she turns back to you with a wider smile and a laugh. “Don’t worry about either,” she says, “I think Mr. Vantas will be absolutely fine if you don’t feel okay calling him Dad right off the bat, but I think that if you give it time, it’ll become much easier. And as for the name, you can decide. I decided to keep my last name, but it’s up to you if you want to be a Leijon or Vantas. Karkat and Mr. Vantas won’t be offended if you don’t choose their name.” At some point during her explanation, she lifted you onto her lap and gave you a big hug, resting her head on yours.

It doesn’t take much thought to say that you’ll be keeping your name, thank you very much. She laughs and nods as she shifts you behind her and tells you to hop on, the movers are waiting and it’s time to say goodbye to the house. You smile and hop on, saying goodbye to each room as she runs through it or past it, until you reach the door. You both put on your shoes and she helps you button your coat. She says that she’ll be waiting by the car for you, and leaves you to say your final farewell. You look back at all the empty rooms -the kitchen, the living room, even the bathroom- and give them each a smile. Just before you close the door, you make a wish for the house to have nice new people in it next time.

Your mom is waiting beside your car, and she tells you to turn around and on the count of three, say ‘bye, house!’ at the top of your lungs.











You both shout and wave goodbye to the house, and when you’re done, your mom picks you up and straps you right on into the car seat. You take Pounce out from under your arm (poor guy’s been stuck under there for a while) and give him a nice petting as your mom gets in her own seat and starts up the car. You can still feel your picture in your pocket as you pull out of the driveway. But it doesn’t feel so sad anymore. In fact, you’re actually kind of excited.

“Oh, and did I mention? Karkat and Mr. Vantas have a surprise for you in your new room! Isn’t that exciting?” She cheers.


Yes, you think, it really is.

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I'm sorry guys, if any of you still check this, but this fic will be on indefinite hiatus. For forever. Yeah. I'm just not that into Homestuck anymore and I don't talk to my beta anymore (which makes me kind of sad, really). I might put this fic up for adoption???? But this is probably the last time you'll see an update from me. Thanks to all of you lovely people for all the kudos and comments you guys gave me, it really boosted my confidence as a writer and made me want to branch out and write other things! I would love it if you guys checked out my other stuff, but if this is truly the end, then I'm glad you read my little, shitty story. Thank you, everyone! <3