Kyuhyun cuddles closer to Hankyung in the couch, and Hankyung’s arms instinctively curl around him, bringing him to his chest. Kyuhyun is pretty sure his head is falling in his chest and he’s falling, falling deeper and harder, but he feels that he can trust Hankyung and Hankyung will catch him.
(And Hankyung does, and Kyuhyun only brings him closer, and he doesn’t feel lost for another moment.)
Kyuhyun feels so pathetic and worthless, but with Hankyung, Kyuhyun can believe for a second that Hankyung will save him and protect him.
“How late are we going to stay up again?” Hankyung asks in a teasing voice as they watch the computer screen. Kyuhyun is vaguely aware that he’s typing on the computer, but is more focused on the other man’s arms around him.
Kyuhyun chuckles and slips into Hankyung a little more. “Until you want to go to sleep. You haven’t complained yet, hyung.”
“I wouldn’t complain to you, but I am kind of tired,” Hankyung admits, glancing at the clock on the computer screen glowing in their face. Four am.
Kyuhyun glances at him, the side of his profile seeping into the shadows a little. “Really? We should go to sleep then.”
Hankyung merely pats him and smiles. “Only when you want to.” He nudges him back to the computer screen, and his smile grows a little bit more amused as he watches Kyuhyun continue playing Starcraft. There’s something about Kyuhyun that keeps him awake, keeps him alive.
Hankyung manages to persuade the rest of Super Junior to let him and Kyuhyun on a break, and even though Leeteuk is a bit reluctant at first, Hankyung tells them that Kyuhyun is tired from eating so little (I don’t hate our company, but he’s looking a little pale), and Kyuhyun later tells them that Hankyung is feeling tired as well. He knows that Hankyung tries to be strong and protect him, but a part of Kyuhyun regrets to admit to himself and Hankyung is just as weak as he is.
Hankyung asks Kyuhyun what they want to do on their day off. Kyuhyun laughs and tells Hankyung that it was his idea to spend time together, to be together and offers the question to him. So Hankyung shrugs and says, “Why don’t we go to the park?” and Kyuhyun agrees, with a smile (that speaks of music and soft clouds).
They come out of their dorms and walk down the sidewalks, and Kyuhyun looks up and thoughtfully states, “It’s going to rain.”
Hankyung turns to him and there’s a confused glimmer in his charcoal eyes. “Hmm?”
“See?” Kyuhyun points up to the grey sky, which is growing darker by minutes. The sun has disappeared and it reminds Hankyung of how Kyuhyun’s hair hovers above his face, and Hankyung wants to throw the shadows away. “The clouds are growing bigger.”
“Oh. I suppose,” Hankyung agrees, and wonders what Kyuhyun means by this. But when he glances to Kyuhyun again, his eyes shine with purity and brokenness.
They make their way to the park, and Kyuhyun wants to forget about the rain and instead just focus about Hankyung. But even as the darkness hovers above them, threatening the drop of a single tear, he cannot think about anything except how the sky breaks and the water forms a wall between them.
It’s harder for Kyuhyun to remember, how to laugh sometimes, when he is alone. And even with the other Super Junior members with him, caring for him and holding him, every sound that comes out of his mouth is nothing but fake.
But when Hankyung finally comes around, from the hospital (to which Leeteuk will not let him go, and catches Kyuhyun sneaking out, because, ‘You’re the maknae, you’re young and you’ll get hurt!’ And even when Kyuhyun tries to point out that Kibum has been gone for a while and hardly older than him, Leeteuk shakes his head and refuses to listen to him), and from his visits to China, he comes to Kyuhyun with open arms and Kyuhyun comes to smile more real than ever.
Kyuhyun cannot wait for their Super Junior M activities in August, and he hears how much of Hankyung speaks of it and he is excited, because it means that he spends more time with Hankyung even though several others don’t. They’re not alone, he knows, but just seeing Hankyung’s all the time around him is enough to have cocoons find their way to appear in his stomach.
After one of their promotional videos (and Kyuhyun doesn’t know which one it was and can’t remember what it’s for, but not because he’s done it so many times that it’s hard to keep track-- but, simply, because he was standing next to Hankyung the whole time and Hankyung sent him looks that makes Kyuhyun think of warm summer days and cool winter nights), Kyuhyun goes to the other man and stays with him while Hankyung is talking to the director.
“... was good, only make sure you look more focused, okay? Same goes to you, Kyuhyun,” the director says when he spots Kyuhyun.
Hankyung nods and the director goes off, then Hankyung turns to the other man with a smile on his face. “Guess we were being a little too obvious?”
“I don’t mind. And just for the record, I don’t think we were being too obvious,” Kyuhyun chuckles, and Hankyung laughs back and sends him eyes of sunrays.
And Kyuhyun concludes that he cherishes every moment he thinks of Hankyung, and he doesn’t want to let go.
Kyuhyun looks in the mirror and sees a man, a man to be disciplined, a man to be punished. He sees a puzzle undone, and it is undone because the pieces are screwed and none can be together, and scattered everywhere. The puzzle is of different colors that can’t possibly be aligned, and this isn’t even a puzzle in the first place, and nothing ever fits. And Kyuhyun is broken, he is a broken man, with no end ever in mind.
(But when he’s with Hankyung, something changes and all of a sudden everything pieces back together.)
“Sometimes I wonder,” Hankyung states as they sit on the car in the light of the darkness, “if everything really is supposed to happen for a reason.”
“Why?” Kyuhyun asks, and he isn’t asking why Hankyung wonders this. He asks because he doesn’t know why else anything will happen.
“To teach us a lesson. Is everything really supposed to teach us a lesson?” Hankyung says to Kyuhyun, turning to him. “Or is it just supposed to screw us over?”
“I think being with you hasn’t screwed me over. I think it’s taught me a lesson,” Kyuhyun replies for input.
Hankyung turns to Kyuhyun, curiosity swimming in his eyes. “Oh? What lesson is that?”
“It’s that everything seems so much easier with you around,” Kyuhyun says with a smile, and he leans over and kisses Hankyung on the mouth. Hankyung smiles along his lips and kisses him back, and still is when they pull back. They remain like that for a little, but to Kyuhyun it feels like eternity.
“Maybe life is supposed to be live harder then,” Hankyung mutters against his teeth.
Kyuhyun is in a dark hall etched with shadows and broken glass, and he’s running up and down, cutting himself every other moment. He wants to be out of this place, to be out of the darkness, but he cannot, he is stuck here.
Then light refracts from the glass pieces, and Kyuhyun looks up to see Hankyung. And Hankyung is not an angel, but a devil with good intentions, and Kyuhyun wants to go up to him, because being Kyuhyun makes him hopeless, and Kyuhyun is lost and broken and fallen and he wants someone to save him. So he reaches for Hankyung, and Hankyung embraces him into his arms.
Sometimes he tries to find a way to handle life without Hankyung there all the time, and Kyuhyun is not the type to be weak but he is weak anyways. But Kyuhyun stumbles and trips and falls, and a puzzle cannot be made without someone to put it together. And Kyuhyun knows that seeing the world in grayscales does nothing but eat apart at his being, and it’s up to Hankyung to brighten up his spectrum.
(But when Kyuhyun wakes up from his nightmare, he realizes that Hankyung’s warmth is not forever.)