“The city is ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ours!”
“Good, but I think you were a little flat.”
“Well I’m sorry that my chest isn’t as big as you’d prefer it to be!” I said indignantly.
Carlos, who was across from me, gave me a look.
Hey, it’s not my fault that I have a really lame sense of humor, okay?
He adjusted himself on my bed-- which we were on so he could help me expand my vocal range (no dirty thoughts!)-- before returning to concentrating on me.
“You were on an E-flat when it was supposed to be an E. Try aiming a little higher,” he told me. “And then maybe you’ll hit the right key.”
Key word being: maybe.
Like everyone else, Carlos knows-- I mean, thinks-- that my singing skills suck. Everyone else being James, Kendall, Gustavo, Kelly... etc.
But he’s the one that really matters! Well. I mean, James and Kendall matter, ‘cause they’re some of my best bros too.
But this is Carlos we’re talking about. My homeboy. My Latino babe. My... um, everything else. His opinions are more important than everyone else’s.
Not that I’ll ever tell anyone this. Especially him. Then he’ll just rub it all in my face that a smart kid like me needs to have a guy whom he values over everyone else.
Some like to call it a best friend. I like to call it a... ‘special friend.’
No, don’t give me that look! Just because I think Carlos is pretty and I happen to be in a boy band and I wore a girl’s outfit that one time (ONE TIME) does not make me gay. At all.
Okay. Attempt two.
“THE CITY IS OU-OU-OU-OU-OU-OURS!”
Carlos gave me even more of a look than he did before. I like to call it the Carlos look in my head. It’s actually kind of sexy. Though I’d really not appreciate it now. But I’d be lying if I said that I sometimes didn’t try to piss him off so he’d give me that lovely look of his.
“Logan,” he said to me, “that was obnoxiously high. That wasn’t even sharp. That was...”
I was pretty sure by the look on his face that he was about to say it was cute. What can I say? I’m naturally cute. It’s not an ego thing, it’s the truth.
Okay, maybe it’s a little bit of an ego thing.
“That was unattractive,” he finished.
“Hey!” I threw a pillow at his face. “That was so not unattractive! That was the most attractive thing you’ve ever seen!”
Actually my ego? I like to believe it doesn’t exist. Even though I know full well that it does. I mean, I am the smart one in Big Time Rush. It’s my job to be pretty egoistic too.
Though James tops me in that.
(Not in the same way he doesn’t top Kendall.)
(I mean, what? Who said that?)
“Yes Logan, everything about you is so attractive,” my Latino babe told me. “Because I’m super attracted to you, you know?”
For some reason, hearing him say these words sounded really nice to me. I’d like to hear him say them again.
Though not in a sarcastic tone, thank you very much.
“You know it,” I smirked to him. “THE CITY IS OU-OU-OU-OU-OU-OURS!”
“O-kay, Logan, you can stop singing that now,” Carlos said with a roll of his eyes.
“Seriously, what else do we say in that song? It’s like first verse THE CITY IS OURS second verse THE CITY IS OURS-- I mean, you’d think that by the end of the first round of the chorus, they’d understand that the CITY IS OURS--”
“I don’t know, Logan. I think Kendall was the one who wrote the song,” Carlos told me.
I scoffed. “He writes shitty songs then! He should let me write the songs!”
“Oh, and what would your songs be about? About how much you love math? CALCULUS IS OU-OU-OU-OU-OU-OURS!”
“WE’RE HALFWAY THERE SOLVING THE FUNCTION AND NO ARITHEMATICAL ERROR IS IN OUR WAY!”
GONNA SOLVE IT UP WHATCHA GOTTA LOSE! GONNA GRAPH THIS FUNCTION WITH THE METHOD YOU CHOOSE!”
“Okay, Logan, I think you can stop now,” Carlos laughed.
You know, I’ve always liked it when Carlos laughs. It was just so nice. Especially when I was the one who made him laugh. ‘Cause it’s like, James is the one who usually makes him laugh and while it’s nice to see him smiling and hear him laughing, it’s just like... not the same.
But when I’m the one making him laugh, it’s just awesome. It’s like he laughs the most for me!
SUCK IT BITCHES.
“I’m done, I’m done,” I said, chuckling. “Now let’s get back to this singing!”
I glanced down at the lyrics to the next song.
It was that Jordin Sparks song that we sang with her-- you know, Count On You? I’ve always liked it, it’s so pretty... but...
When Carlos sings with her, it’s just no. Please. Just no.
And I hardly get any lines in the song!
And I just can’t stand thinking of Carlos with Jordin! I mean like, I know they’re not anything (isn’t she taken already? Or something...) but it’s just the thought of Carlos with a girl is... not really pleasant, for me.
It kinda wants me to throw up.
And punch a dead baby.
Not that I’ve ever punched dead babies before. But if I had, I would.
Punching James is always a good work-out for me. I don’t know why. I think it’s because I see him with Carlos all the damn time so I’m usually forced to be with Kendall.
I love Kendall as a bro and all... but trust me. Logan = not good with guys who always want to take control (hence the whole James on the bottom thing). Kendall = a guy who always want to take control. Logan = not good with Kendall. And such.
“What’s up, Logan?” Carlos said when he noticed that I wasn’t singing yet.
I sighed and shook my head. “Nothing!”
I shoved my music at him.
“You want to start?” I don’t think I could have with the thoughts of being stuck with Kendall for so much.
Carlos gave me a look-- though this one was worried rather than the other looks he had given me so far (he gives me a lot of looks)-- but started singing in that wonderful voice of his.
“Now I’m about to give you my heart...”
His voice is so pretty. When I first met him, I didn’t think he’d be much of a singer at all. But when we started our whole habit of singing together thing (well I was mostly beatboxing and rapping given my lack of talent in singing) and I heard him sing for the first time, it was like... it was like the river flowing and birds chirping on a bright Sunday morning where the sun was out and the grass was bright green and fresh and there were little animal friends like bunnies and rabbits and hedgehogs and other small creatures hopping around and collecting food and being all friendly with each other and things!
Confession: English was my worst core subject, okay? Ignore the fact that it’s my mother language.
“But remember this one thing...”
Carlos nodded to me. I guessed this was my cue to sing.
I glanced down at the sheet.
“I’ve never been in love before so you better go easy on me,” I sang. I wasn’t even aware of how I sounded. I was still lost in Carlos’s lovely voice-land.
With leaves swaying and squirrels hopping out of holes with little acorns in their hands...
I love acorns.
“I heard love was dangerous,” he continued for me, still nodding.
Yay! That probably meant that I was doing well!
“Once you fall you never get enough...”
I took the cue again.
“But the thought of you leaving ain’t so easy for me...”
“Stop!” Carlos said suddenly.
I stopped singing and blinked at him. Wasn’t I doing well?
“You went flat again,” he said.
“Ugh.” I threw my paper on the bed frustratedly. Why couldn’t I ever get this right?!
I swear, we’ve already went through seven songs. And every time, I’ve been flat!
“So what was I on now? An A-flat? A B-flat? A C-flat?” I asked him, wringing my hands.
I glowered at him. There was nothing to be chuckling about in this situation!
“Logan, as smart as you are,” he said, “I don’t think you know music well enough. There’s no such thing as a C-flat.”
“There is such thing as a C-flat in my world!” I huffed, folding my arms.
Hey, just because I aced everything in school, from elementary to high school (well, before we were pulled out for BIG TIME RUSH), except for music (though I barely scraped by an A in English), doesn’t mean Carlos can just rub it in my face!
Well, he and the others do all the time. BUT STILL.
Carlos is the one who matters. Not anyone else.
… um. Don’t tell anyone that.
But really, I’ve been thinking like this ever since the four of us got together. Like, I know how we’re supposed to be a band, the four of US,together.
But for me, it’s always been about Carlos. Because he is, if he doesn’t know it, my best friend.
… yeah, don’t tell anyone else that either.
Especially Kendall. He’s like this mother to me. He always takes care of me like I’m some sort of baby, and ever since he and James got together, he’s been trying to push James into the father position.
And hey, just because Kendall and James have gotten together doesn’t mean Carlos and I would. Like, I don’t mind their gayness and all. It’s actually kinda cute.
But even though I have this... “thing” for Carlos, it doesn’t mean anything!
I don’t even know if I have a thing!
Carlos probably isn’t gay!
While we’re on the topic of sexuality, I’ll say that I’M not gay either. I swear I’m not.
And I definitely don’t like Carlos.
If I was gay... and Carlos was gay...
And since James and Kendall are already together... thus being gay...
We’d all be one GAY BOY BAND.
BIG SURPRISE HUH?
Well yeah, Big Time Rush basically is your typical boy band. James is the pretty face, Kendall’s the leader, and I’m the smart one!
And Carlos is... he’s the charming adorable awesome sexy amazing one!
You see my bias here?
I didn’t think so.
“Um.” Carlos suddenly came over to me and knocked his lovely, Latino fist against the side of my head. “You lost in that C-flat world of yours, Logan?”
I snapped back to reality and quickly shook my head, and blushed.
“My world is great!” I said to him, sticking my tongue out. “You wish you were in it.”
“My world took over your world, dude. Sorry to say.” Carlos smirked.
A sexy smirk. A super sexy smirk. A super sexy smirk that would be totally sexier next to my own smirk. If I was smirking.
UM YEAH. Excited Logan is excited. I’ll try to get myself less excited now...
And Carlos singing to me really isn’t going to help that.
“Well let’s move onto the next song,” he said, looking down to the music in front of him. He cleared his throat.
I stared at him.
No no no stop staring! It’s a trap! IT’S A TRAP!
“Here I am, there you are, why does it seem so far? Next to you is where I should be...”
Damn, it is really hard not to stare at Carlos while he’s singing. He has this thing, you know, where he closes his eyes and he opens those pretty lips of his and his Adam’s apple moves up and down and and he just looks so beautiful and amazing and girly (see! I’m not gay!) but it’s just so nice and oh my god I really want to kiss him right now.
RESIST THE TEMPTATION LOGAN. RESIST THE TEMPTATION. DO NOT GO TO THE DARK SIDE.
Though really, I hardly see how kissing Carlos could ever be going to the dark side. He’s like a little angel. Who gets into mischief once in a while.
And also, I guess it could be the dark side since it would make me prove that I am-- well, somewhat-- gay since two of my band members are already gay.
Oh wait, Carlos has been staring at me for the past ten seconds.
“What?” I asked him blankly.
He nodded towards me.
“Aren’t you going to sing?”
“Oh right!” I guess I had been so caught up in being so infatuated with him that I hadn’t really been paying attention to what I was supposed to be doing.
“Something I want so bad--”
“No, no, no! You’re flat! Again!” Carlos hit his fist against my bed.
“Hey, no abusing my comforter!” I said to him, hitting his hand against mine.
My skin tingled as our fingers brushed together. I could feel a spark of electricity between the back of our hands.
I quickly withdrew my arm and ducked my head down, so he wouldn’t see my blush.
Damn, I really wish I was a girl right now. Then I would have long hair... so he couldn’t see my bright, bright pink cheeks.
Have I ever mentioned that I hate being pale skinned and having really, really short hair? I haven’t? Well, I do.
It’s really rather annoying, sometimes. I wake up and think I’m a girl.
Well, before I realize I have a...
“Your bed has a personality now?” Carlos asked amusedly.
“You bet it does! And it doesn’t like it when you hit it!” I huffed, folding my arms again and shifting a little. Though not away from him. Closer to him, probably.
“Well I’m sorry. Tell your bed I’m sorry, okay?”
I could tell that Carlos was amused. THERE IS NOTHING AMUSING ABOUT APOLOGIZING TO ME- I mean, my bed.
“He forgives you,” I muttered.
“I’m sure he does.” Carlos continued grinning at me with that adorable, adorable grin of his. “I’m sure he also loves having me in him.”
Who said anything about Carlos being in my bed?!?!
Which is, in a sense, supposed to represent me!
Having Carlos in ME?!
When this conversation suddenly turn dirty?
Carlos suddenly laughed.
I looked up to him.
What was so funny about cracking a dirty joke that was hardly a joke at all?
“Dude,” he said, “I was just joking. Why do you look so shocked?”
He was just joking.
Not like, you know, the thought of Carlos being in my bed (OR IN ME) was attractive at all.
No, no way.
In fact, I was completely and utterly repulsed at the idea.
“Because,” I said, trying to think of an excuse as quick as I possibly could, “then my sheets would be all dirty with your germs.”
“I don’t think they’ll mind,” Carlos said. Then he turned back to his music. “Now can we focus here?”
Why is he so damn smooth?
And so damn sexy?
“Sure,” I said, deciding to fool around a bit, “but one question.”
“Hmm?” Carlos looked up, shaking his head a little so his helmet didn’t fall completely over his eyes.
He is so cute in that helmet. Why is everything about Carlos cute?
So hot, too.
You didn’t hear that from me either.
“Are you implying that you’d enjoy being in my bed?”
Carlos flushed bright red, his tan cheeks turning dark pink! AW! Oh my god he so cute. WHY IS HE SO CUTE.
… and why do I suddenly sound like a girl.
“N-No, I mean-- I’m just saying,” he stuttered. “Like, guys make gay jokes with each other all the time, s-so--”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I said, still playing along and staring at his super red cheeks which were turning darker by the second (and thus making him even cuter. Not that he wasn’t ever cute in the first place. He was just. You know. Cuter. If Carlos could ever get any cuter). “But that’s not really helping our boy band image, you know. The whole gay thing.”
Carlos continued staring at me, blushing deeper and deeper and not answering my question. I would probably be a lot more annoyed, but I could never get annoyed with Carlos. And plus, he was just so... just staring at him made me so distracted.
What were we talking about again?
“So you’d like being in my bed?” I finally asked.
“... n-no!” Carlos scoffed weakly. “I don’t want the germs from your bed! Like the way you don’t want Carlos germs!”
Oh, I see how we’re playing this game.
“But you’d totally enjoy gay germs,” I said. “Like James or Kendall germs. Right?”
“Ew, no.” Carlos crinkled his nose. And he stopped blushing.
Ah, well. You lose some, you gain some.
“So...” I averted my gaze down to the music that was still sitting in my lap, and nudged him with my knee. “What kind of germs would you want, then?”
A part of me hoped he’d say that he wanted my germs.
Please say Logan germs, please say Logan germs...
“I don’t want any germs, Logan.” Carlos raised his eyebrows at me. “Do you?”
YES. I WANT YOUR GERMS, CARLOS.
AND YOUR BABIES.
I mean. Uh.
Well, if Carlos was a girl. And/or could bear babies.
Though I guess he’d have to be a girl to bear babies... but I’d totally want to be the reason why he has to bear them! (Because I’m on top, obviously.)
I want your love, and I want your revenge, Carlos and me could have a bad bromance... whoa oa oa...
Though I’d totally prefer a bad romance. But I don’t think Carlos would. I mean. I hope he does. But even with the way he’s answering right now, I highly doubt he’d want a romance with me. Because it’d be a bad one if we had one, all right.
Anyways. I’ll stop badly parodying Lady Gaga now.
I scoffed to Carlos. “As you know, I happen to be smarter than you, James and Kendall combined. I know almost every germ that exists out there, all the most dangerous and even the smallest germs out there. So no, I don’t want any either.”
Even though I totally want Carlos germs.
“But I do want to ask you a question,” I continued.
Carlos rolled his eyes. “Another one? Do you really want to not practice your singing that badly?”
“No, of course not,” I said hastily. “I just have a question!”
He raised his eyebrows. “Okay, well ask it then!”
Carlos has nice eyebrows... and nice lips... and nice eyelashes... and nice eyes... they’re all mocha colored... Mocha is my favorite flavor...
Wait, what am I doing? Concentrate, Logan! Concentrate!
Yeah, I talk in third person in my head way too much. Which really doesn’t make any sense since I’m talking to myself and it’s not like anyone else can get inside my head!
Back to the problem at hand.
“Are you,” I said very seriously to Carlos, “gay?”
All of a sudden, Carlos quickly got up from his bed.
“I have to pee.”
“What?” I blinked and stared up at him. He had to what now? Pee?
Why the hell would he pee when he’s about to answer my question?!
“I said, I have to pee!” Carlos said impatiently. His cheeks started turning pinker and pinker by the moment, which, as cute as they were, started to become annoying. He was probably blushing because he had to pee so badly!
And what the hell was that about anyways? You can’t just pee in the middle of a conversation!
Well, you could. But it would be kind of awkward.
But leaving to pee? That’s just not good manners!
Not saying that I have good manners. But still.
Carlos started getting up from the bed. I pulled on his wrist so that he wouldn’t leave so soon.
I ignored my skin tingling as my fingers tightened around his firm arm. “Whoa, wait,” I said. You can’t just leave.”
“I’m not going to leave,” Carlos said stubbornly. “I’m just going to the bathroom! I’ll be right back!”
Yeah right. Why did he look so eager to leave anyways?
Oho! I bet he just doesn’t want to answer my question!
Yes! That’s probably it! He’s just too afraid to answer my question, and that’s why he wants to go to pee!
“But what if this is like one of those dates,” I said to Carlos, “and you just don’t want to be with me! You’re just trying to get away from me!”
“Logan, if I was ever on a date with you, I’d never want to get away from you.”
I think my heart just stopped beating.
Because that has got to be one of THE sweetest things anyone has ever said to me.
Because seriously? I’m not too good with the ladies. I mean, I guess I like them and all, but they don’t seem to like me too much. Something to do with my lack of experience in the romance area. But like, Carlos just said that if he was on a date with me, he’d never want to get away from me!
And, you know, that’s pretty freaking sweet.
I could feel the heat rising up and my cheeks turning red for about the tenth time today. Carlos is so nice, and so perfect, and he’d make the perfect boyfriend and oh my god I just don’t even know. I’m starting to think that maybe he is gay--
But didn’t he just say--
That if he was on a date with me--
Me, of all people.
If he was on a date with me, Logan Mitchell, not even if I was a girl or he was a girl, just the two of us and our dudeliness--
Does that mean he’s gay?
Carlos’s face was turning redder and redder and he looked half-shocked, as if he couldn’t believe what he had just said.
Well, I couldn’t believe what he had just said either! I was flattered, astounded, and actually extremely happy that he had said such a thing!
Because that meant he’d want to go out on a date with me!
Which meant that he was gay!
“Is that an answer to my question?” I asked, grinning stupidly all of a sudden. But who could blame me, really?
“Uh, um.” Carlos darted his eyes around. “Depends how you take it.”
“I think,” I said with a mischievous smirk, my hands still on his wrist, “that that means yes.”
“Uh- uh- uh- um--”
Dammit, why does he have to be so cute when he’s stuttering? I’m trying to pull off a cool thing right here but with him acting this way, I don’t think it’s going to work!
I mean, not that I’m naturally cool or anything.
Well, I could totally be. If I wanted to.
But who wants to be cool?
You wanna be coo-ool!
“Can I go to the bathroom now?” Carlos asked quickly.
“Hold on, I thought we were supposed to be helping me practice with my vocal range.”
I pulled Carlos down. Suddenly, he lost his balance and ended up toppling onto me. I fell down from sitting on my bed, and with an “oomph!” he fell right on top of me.
This is not funny! I demand being on top!
I turned my head around, realizing that all of a sudden, his face was only centimeters away from mine. I could feel every inch of his body, up and down, pressing against mine. His sweet, mocha scent, along with his mocha-colored hair and mocha-colored eyes and very, verytempting lips were only so close to me, and I yearned them to be even nearer to me, on me.
My head tilted back; his head tilted forward, and we were so close...
Carlos yelped and rolled off to the side of my bed, while I tried to regain my composure at the sudden noise.
James was standing in the doorway, staring at us.
Screw you, James! I was so close! So close!
“Are you guys done? Is Logan’s voice any better?” James asked us.
I glared at him.
He ruined the moment!
“Um, can you give us a few more minutes?” Carlos said to James, somewhat breathlessly.
James grinned and gave us a thumbs-up. “Gotcha.”
I wanted to wipe that grin off of his face.
How would he feel if I had just walked on him and Kendall doing something?!
Ugh, the images...
Once James had left, I turned to look at Carlos. His cheeks were all red (so cute!) and his hair was slightly mussed up, and he looked extremely flustered.
I suppressed every urge I had to jump him and kiss him right there.
“Sorry,” Carlos said awkwardly, getting up from lying on my bed and rubbing the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to fall--”
“It’s okay,” I interrupted. I found myself turning pink too. Why am I so easily embarrassed?
“I guess this isn’t a good time for me to ask if we can work on your voice now, is it?” he said with a chuckle.
I shook my head. “Yeah,” I said dismissively.
My mind was swimming with so many thoughts. Did he like me? I swear, for a second I thought he did! I’m pretty sure he does! So why doesn’t he just tell me? It’s not that hard! I can take the news! I swear I can!
Well, I might faint and pass out at the thought. But then I’ll regain consciousness... and be swept into my Prince Charming’s arms...
Focus, Logan. Focus.
“I, um.” I glanced up to him. “So.”
Carlos chuckled weakly. “So.”
What was I supposed to do now? Asked him if he liked me? But that would be so rude!
I could always kiss him... but that’d be pretty rude too.
Imagine, kissing a guy without asking his permission. Geez. Not very etiquette.
So I did the only other thing I could think of.
“I like you,” I blurted.
Carlos blinked at me.
I swear, he was about to say, What? But he didn’t. And I’m glad.
Because I don’t think I have the guts to say it again.
And now he’s just staring at me.
Respond, Carlos! Say something! Do something!
I stared at him back.
I’m pretty sure we had the longest staring contest there for about fifty seconds. Fifty very long seconds.
Yeah, after you tell someone you like them, you guys have a staring contest. Totally normal, I know.
But finally, he said,
“You mean, you like-like me?”
Well geez! If I never actually normal-liked him, then he wouldn’t be my friend!
Even though, you know, he’s been my best friend since like... what? Second grade?
“Yes, Carlos. I like-like you.”
“I, um.” Oh great, he’s stuttering again. “I, um, I-I like you t--”
But I couldn’t handle it anymore. Suddenly, my hands were on his shoulders-- his very nice, nice shoulders (what can I say, I like shoulders okay?) and I was pressing my body against him and my mouth found his, closing whatever gap that had been between us. I could feel him pressing back, almost as eagerly as me, and he tasted like mocha, just as I had thought. He kissed me sweetly, his lips sweeping against mine, but tenderly as well. My grip tightened on his shoulder, and he adjusted his arm so one hand found my hip.
“Carlos, Logan, can you guys hurry up, because Gustavo is yelling at us and-- oh.”
We broke apart and leapt away from each other as quickly as we could at this.
I looked to the doorway. Kendall was standing there, staring at us with probably the most deer-in-headlights look I had ever seen on him.
And I had seen him in plenty of deer-in-headlights looks.
“Oh, sorry!” he exclaimed. “Take your time! We’ll wait as long as we have to.”
Then Kendall ran out of the room, screaming, “CARLOS AND LOGAN ARE KIND OF BUSY RIGHT NOW, TELL GUSTAVO TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!”
“WHAT ARE THEY BUSY WITH?” came James’s voice
“WELL THEY’RE KIND OF MAKING OUT--”
“SHUT UP KENDALL!” I screamed out the door.
My voice was kind of strained. And my throat felt dry. It was probably because of the kiss Carlos and I had just shared.
Mmmm... That was a nice kiss.
I turned to Carlos, and saw that he was blushing quite deeply. Like, more deeply than usual. Deeplier?
As I said, English was my worst subject in school. Don’t judge me!
“So, um,” Carlos said, once we heard the noise outside die down. “I guess this means...”
“That our band is really gay,” I finished.
He chuckled. “Yeah.”
“But you like me too?”
Whoa, when did I suddenly turn shy? I quickly averted my gaze to my lap, embarrassed at my quick change of tone.
But I could hear the smile in Carlos’s voice as he replied, “Yeah, I do.”
“Good.” I looked back up to see his bright dark eyes were shimmering with happiness.
I guess this means we’re boyfriends!
Okay, that sounds so weird in my head.
“I suppose we should go back to working on my voice,” I said, smiling slightly at him.
Carlos groaned. “Logan, you just ruined the mood.”
“Hey, my voice is not that bad!”
“The mere mention of your voice is enough to kill any mood.”
“You’re so mean! I thought you liked me,” I said with a pout.
Ah, our bromance. With a dash of the actual romance.
Nothing better, eh?
“I still like you,” Carlos said amusedly, “but that doesn’t mean that I’ll like your voice any better than I did before.”
“So hurtful.” I continued pouting.
“But.” Carlos reached his hands out and took my own. “Your kissing skills make up for it.”
“I’m glad there’s no C-flat in kissing.”