Miguel is floating in some impossible sea; there are clouds, and waves, and he feels himself roll with them as they crest and abate. He's with Maritza, she's placing the baby gently in his arms. Miguel is cradling his son, singing to him, smelling that incredible baby-head scent that's just incomparable to any other aroma. He puts his arm around Maritza and holds her close as well, so full of love for his family.
He tries to talk to Maritza, ask her about her day, about his child's day, but she won't look at him. "Por favor, Maritcita, mira!". When she turns, it's not Maritza, it's Ryan. Ryan whom he's holding, as if he's his lifeline, his connection to what is real, and good, and sensual, life-affirming. He wants to kiss Ryan, so he leans into him as Ryan tilts his face to meet Miguel's. At first, it's little butterfly kisses, barely grazing the lips. Then he opens his mouth as Ryan places his hands on Miguel's face and brings his own mouth down for a deeper kiss, a meeting of teeth and tongues. "Ryan, querido, let me put the baby down," he whispers. But when Miguel looks at the baby, it's not his little niño, it's Cyril O'Reily. Horrified, Mguel turns back to Ryan, but he's gone, he's left Miguel with baby Cyril, and if that isn't fucked up. Cyril belongs to Ryan, not to Miguel . . . .
"Miguel. Miguel.". He hears his name. "Ryan?".
"It's Father Mukada, Miguel. You're in the infirmary, but you're going to be OK. You sounded as if you were in pain just now. Are you?". Mukada didn't say that Miguel had been sobbing, moaning, as if terrified. What had been going on in his mind?
"Father, I had some really fucked-up dreams or something. Really fucked-up, like freak-out quality."
Dr. Nathan, who'd been listening to the conversation, said, "the narcotics can give you weird dreams, Miguel. I'm going to keep you overnight, so I'll prescribe something to help you get a dreamless sleep.". The doctor was somewhat concerned about Miguel, who looked like he'd had a hell of a narcotic-induced nightmare.
"That's cool, doc. Thanks."
Miguel was grateful to Dr. Nathan for the promise of undisturbed sleep, but he regretted the opportunity to feel Ryan's kiss again, even if it was only a dream.