Work Text:
MOTHERFUCKING STREET LEGAL, BITCHES!
Thursday, January 27, 2011 05:08:20 PM
It’s a cold Thursday evening in late January, less than a month before the Chicago mayoral election, and I’m riding shotgun in the official Rahm Emanuel campaign vehicle as we drive up I-55 toward the city. The campaign team and I have just spent the past two days in Springfield, where we waited with bated breath to find out if the Illinois Supreme Court would allow our candidate onto the final ballot for the election. Back in Chicago, the second mayoral debate is already underway and I'm providing updates to our campaign manager on Mr. Emanuel's performance via streaming video. I feel like I haven’t slept in a week; I don’t think I’ve eaten in longer; and it’s possible I’m slurring my words as I report on the tense battle being played out on the tiny screen before me. We head straight to the debate venue when we roll into the city so we can greet Mr. Emanuel outside the building after the event ends. There’s a subtle ripple of positive energy in the air as the staff gathers around to congratulate him on his court victory, and I feel myself becoming infected with enthusiasm along with them. Finally, I’m given the opportunity to shake his hand and congratulate him myself. He calmly smiles back at me, thanks me for my help, and in that moment, I know then that all the hard work of the past four months has been worth it.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! There's Axelrod and Carl the Intern, standing on the roof of the goddamn Civic, boomboxes over their heads.
Thursday, January 27, 2011 08:15:24 PMThey're blaring that fucking Peter Gabriel song! And they're fucking smiling fucking huge smiles! And it's snowing. And it's beautiful.
Thursday, January 27, 2011 08:17:16 PMAnd Quaxelrod is fucking flying circles around their heads, and fucking Hambone leapt up onto the roof of the car. And I'm fucking crying.
Thursday, January 27, 2011 08:18:26 PMIt turns out Carl the Intern and Axelrod didn't crash Axelrod's Civic into City Hall. They went down to motherfucking Springfield instead.
Thursday, January 27, 2011 08:29:56 PMCarl just looked at me, and said, "What did you expect? I told you we'd Supreme this shit, so we motherfucking Supremed this shit."
Thursday, January 27, 2011 08:31:00 PM
My internship with the Emanuel campaign didn’t begin under such auspicious circumstances. My interests prior to meeting Mr. Emanuel and working on the campaign lay more in the area of physics and mechanical engineering than local elections. However, I was intrigued by Mr. Emanuel’s ideas around the effective use of public infrastructure, and at the urging of my stepmother, got involved at campaign headquarters early on.
If the Bears fuck this up, my entire platform is going to revolve around burning that stadium to the fucking ground.
Monday, September 27, 2010 10:34:24 PM
Naturally, my role started small and I was given mostly administrative tasks to do while learning the ropes.
Dear First Name, Plouffe assures me that we're going to have an actual fucking communications team in place soon. The intern is a cocktard.
Friday, October 15, 2010 05:40:25 PM
Axelrod's Civic broke an axle on the way to file our petitions today, so Carl the Intern had to steal a cart from Jewel and walk 'em.
Monday, November 15, 2010 08:38:56 AM
But as the campaign intensified and I became more familiar with the day-to-day operations of the staff, my responsibilities expanded as well.
Carl has hooked up the motherfucking coffee IV, so I might be able to overcome this fucking gray fucking day.
Monday, November 22, 2010 08:38:31 AM
Clinton just woke up and announced, "The Big Bear's ready to meat wrestle. Where're the girls?" Fuck. I hoped he'd stay asleep.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 06:15:17 PMHere's the other thing: We don't actually have any fucking girls. Carl & Axelrod are going to do their best.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 06:20:31 PM
I was brought into meetings and strategy sessions, and was trusted with jobs that were integral to the success of the campaign such as organizing fundraising events, running through debate prep, and conducting critical opposition research.
Carl the Intern's stepmom is out of town, so the party's at his house tonight you motherfuckers.
Friday, December 31, 2010 12:45:49 PM
Sent Carl the Intern over to City Hall. Operation "Clog Every Motherfucking Toilet in the Fucking Place" is underway.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010 09:47:31 AM
This level of trust in me and my work was overwhelmingly gratifying, of course, but what I will remember most about my time working on Chicago for Rahm campaign is the opportunity I had to get to know Mr. Emanuel himself. Every day I worked on his staff, he demonstrated to me what it was like to live a life with honesty and passion.
We drove by Chico's house and I pissed "Fuck you you fucking motherfucker" in the snow.
Sunday, December 5, 2010 01:24:22 PM
He also says no to pulling down my pants, spreading my cheeks and saying "Eat my motherfucking deep dish."
Thursday, December 9, 2010 07:56:30 AM
Mr. Emanuel faced many challenges while running for mayor--from opponents, the media, and the courts themselves--and he handled it all with impressive grace, dignity, and humor.
Fucking fuck-shitting motherfucking shit-fuck motherfuckers.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010 03:17:34 PM
I FUCKING HATE THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD. LET'S FUCKING GO, ASSHOLES. WHO MOTHERFUCKING WANTS SOME?
Monday, January 24, 2011 12:31:10 PM
Someone keep count on how many times I "itch" my eye with my middle finger during testimony today. I bet 352 fucking times.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010 08:57:43 AM
Mr. Emanuel continually put his love of the City of Chicago ahead of any ego or personal issues, and showed me what it meant to be a leader of such a large, diverse community. Mr. Emanuel made it a priority to meet constituents of all stripes to talk about their needs and wants. Every day, he visited L stops, coffee shops, schools, and community centers. He met with local businesses and local media outlets. And throughout it all, he was unafraid to be a visionary, to put forth big ideas and plans to address each of those residents’ needs in an integrated, systemic way.
RT @ashamedtosay: Hey @MayorEmanuel What the Fuck? Plow my street already!!!!!@ashamedtosay @cholmes96 Have you looked at the city budget? At the state of the schools or the cops? Your fucking side street isn't shit.
Sunday, December 12, 2010 08:58:51 PM
Becoming part of Mr. Emanuel’s team and watching the political process at work has made me reconsider my own attitude toward public service. Where before I was content to focus my attention on my own small successes and failures, I see the value now in taking part in the larger community discourse. I understand how the policies put in place by our elected officials shape our lives and communities, and how a strong leader with a solid vision can directly influence those policies and change our world for the better. Mr. Emanuel taught me that there is no office, too big or too small, to make a difference in the lives of others. The change you can affect as one ward’s alderman in a Midwestern city is just as important as the change affected by those sitting in the Oval Office in Washington.
Axelrod tells it's not a word but jesus fucking christ it's going to take a bazillion fucking dollars to save these fucking schools.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010 02:36:15 PM
I can only hope that one day, when I embark on my own journey of political leadership, I will remember the lessons I learned from working on my first political campaign, and I will have as much courage and integrity as our current Mayor of Chicago.
If you have a giant fucking pile of money and a bunch of dumb fucks running against you, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011 08:14:45 PM