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Be the Emperor

Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK and, as previously mentioned, you are the EMPEROR OF ALTERNIA. Technically you are still the HEIR APPARENT, however, with HIS IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION out in space CONQUERING VARIOUS ALIEN SPECIES, there was absolutely nothing stopping you from claiming the title on your home planet.

You will have to kill him to gain control over the entire TROLL EMPIRE, but that can wait. You are only six sweeps old, after all.

You, of course, rule with an IRON FIST, although your actual fist is made of a rather intricate METAL ALLOY that doesn’t rust and stops water from touching the robotics contained within. You acquired this IRON FIST back when you took up your imperial duties, due to some foolish seadweller challenging your authority.

You are IN CHARGE and you understand your species very well. As such, you have no real interests of your own, merely knowing enough about the interests of YOUR UNDERLINGS to know when they’re TRYING TO MISLEAD YOU, which, since they’re trolls, is a REGULAR OCCURANCE.

You’ve picked up some skills in PROGRAMMING, HACKING, PSYCHOLOGY and ROBOTICS. You INSISTED Maryam taught you enough of the last one to rebuild your own hand. This was not because you DID NOT TRUST her, but rather because you’d prefer to do it yourself. Well, alright, perhaps you do have some TRUST ISSUES.

You do not pretend to be anything other than a TOTALITARIAN RULER, because you like to think most trolls are clever enough to discover this truth anyway.

Your trolltag is controllingTyrant and you 3---E make sure y00 have your imperial weapon by your side at all times.

Equius: Describe Hive

Naturally, you have the grandest hive of all, not in the least because it resides in the ocean itself, underneath the surface. This alone serves to keep many potential attackers from harming you, although you do have some other defensive capabilities for the more persistent of opponents. Aside from that, its main purpose is to look imposing, which, of course, it does.

It is aided in this function by your lusus, although some might find that term wholly inappropriate of Gl’b’golyb, who, surely, is far more than just a lusus. She is a majestic and ancient creature, and, truly, only someone such as you is fit to care for her. In return, she provides protection and guidance for you. For now, however, you have a problem you need to deal with yourself.

You have a traitor to catch.

Equius: Contact Loyal Advisor

Even if Gamzee was just trying to get you worked up, in which he was, in fact, successful, that is still no reason not to take a thorough look at the allegiances of your underlings.

-- controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling aquaticGriefer [AG] --

CT: 3---E Serket.
CT: 3---E Something has come to my attention.
AG: Vhat vould that be, bossss?
CT: 3---E It appears we may have a traitor in our midst.
AG: A traitor?
AG: Vho issss it?
CT: 3---E Unknown, as of yet.
AG: I don’t vant to quesssstion your ssssourcesss, bossss.
AG: But hov do you knov this?
CT: 3---E I do not fault y00 for your scepticism.
CT: 3---E However, i f3---El y00 know e%actly who this source is.
AG: I vassss afraid of that, yessss.
CT: 3---E Whether he was lying or not, however, is irrelevant.
CT: 3---E It will not hurt us to make sure.
AG: Okay, it ssssoundssss like you’ve already made up your mind.
AG: Vhy sssstill assssk me?
CT: 3---E Because what w001d be the point of having a loyal advisor if i did not occasionally listen to her advice?
AG: Sssso vhat vould you like me to do?
CT: 3---E I want y00 to think about any negative consequences this might have.
CT: 3---E What w001d his motivation for this deceit be?
AG: Vell, I don’t think I am the mosssst qualified to judge hissss completely fucked up think pan.
CT: 3---E Language, pl3---Ese.
AG: That issss vhat it issss!
AG: But if I had to make a guessss, I’d ssssay he’ssss trying to disssstract ussss.
AG: Maybe you knov vhy he’d vant to, but I’m not going to bother trying to get that out of you.
CT: 3---E That does sound accurate.
CT: 3---E As such, i will not be l3---Eving the investigation to y00.
CT: 3---E To ensure your vigilance, of course.
AG: I’m not complaining.
AG: There’ssss nothing fun about having to assssk potential traitorssss quesssstionssss.
AG: I could end up hurting a perfectly loyal ssssubject in the processss.
AG: And then you’d get all vorked up and that vould really ruin my mood.
AG: Bessssidessss, I have lussssussss-hunting to get to anyvay.
CT: 3---E I suspect y00 may be curious as to who i am giving this duty, if it isn’t y00.
AG: Me, curioussss?
AG: Vho are you kidding?
AG: I am not at all curioussss about that.
AG: Vhy sssshould I care?
CT: 3---E Shall i tell y00 anyway?
AG: Vell, if you inssssisssst.
CT: 3---E Sollux captor.
AG: Vhat, really?
AG: Huh.
AG: Yessss, that ssssoundssss good.
CT: 3---E R3---Elly?
CT: 3---E How curious.
AG: Vhat?
AG: Vhat are you going on about thissss time?
CT: 3---E I merely figured y00 w001d have more objections to trusting him with the job.
AG: Vell, he’ssss a tealblood, of coursssse.
CT: 3---E Of course.
AG: But as far assss tealbloodssss go, I guessss he’ssss not that bad?
AG: And I guessss I can ssssee vhy you vould trust him.
CT: 3---E And if he fails to find anything, y00 can always kill him afterwards.
AG: You could ssssave that for my 12th perigeessss eve pressssent.
AG: Although I ssssupposssse that vould take a long vhile.
AG: Yessss, sssscratch that plan, I vould grov far too impatient.
CT: 3---E I will k3---Ep it in mind anyway.
AG: Come on Equiussss!
AG: That’ssss jusssst not fair!
CT: 3---E Very few things are.
CT: 3---E Thank y00 for your input, serket.
CT: 3---E It was most appreciated.
AG: Of coursssse, bossss.
AG: Any time.


-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling aquaticGriefer [AG] --

Vriska Serket is an interesting case. She is, of course, one of the most ambitious and jealous members of your society, yet she would never try to usurp you since it would be ‘boring’, apparently. You give her all she wants and she does everything you ask, mostly because those two overlap entirely.

You suppose she is also intelligent enough to know that the responsibilities that come with being the Emperor are not to her liking. You do think she would have the skills to do a reasonable job, however. The reason you know she hasn’t betrayed you is because there is nothing Gamzee could offer her that she does not already have.

You do know who you keep around you, after all.

Speaking of which.

Equius: Contact Legislacerator

It’s time to get the right troll in the right place at the right time.

-- controllingTyrant [CT] began trolling targetAcquired [TA] --

CT: 3---E Captor.
CT: 3---E Captor.
CT: 3---E Answer me.
CT: 3---E I am giving y00 the benefit of the doubt and assuming y00 are training.
CT: 3---E Contact me as s00n as y00 return.
CT: 3---E I have a job for y00.
CT: 3---E It, of course, has top priority.
TA: i am 5o 5orry 5ir,..,
TA: ye5,, i wa5 training,..,
TA: what can i do for you,, 5ir?
CT: 3---E Before i give y00 details, i need to ensure y00 are aware of the situation.
CT: 3---E Give me all of your information on gamz3---E makara.
TA: inluding the obviou5?
TA: becau5e that might take a while,..,
CT: 3---E Yes, including the obvious.
CT: 3---E I am not taking your knowledge for granted.
TA: alright,, i can do that,..,
TA: gamzee makara i5 a known terrori5t and the leader of the rebellion,..,
TA: hi5 blood color i5 completely unknown,, although i don’’t get how he hasn’’t ever bled,..,
TA: hi5 ideal5 point more to a low blood color,, but hi5 violence and aggre55ion point to a higher one,..,
TA: he’’5 a religiou5 fanatic of the wor5t kind,..,
TA: the kind that’’5 again5t you,..,
TA: he’’5 been on the run for a long time,, and he’’5 been 5potted ju5t about everywhere on the planet,..,
TA: often on different 5ide5 at the 5ame time,..,
TA: hi5 remaining officer5 are aradia megido,, who hang5 around in the fore5t here 5omewhere,, but 5he know5 them better than i do and we haven’’t been able to find her yet,..,
TA: the 5econd i5 hi5 moirail, tavro5 nitram, who live5 way too far away from anywhere to really be a problem and ha5 a virgin mother grub a5 hi5 lu5u5, 5o we’’re not bothering him right now,..,
TA: the rebellion it5elf ha5n’’t been doing very much, 5o we’’re a55uming gamzee i5 waiting for 5omething,..,
TA: 5ince the idea of him having given up i5 way too ridiculou5 to 5eriou5ly con5ider,..,
TA: he’’5 al5o your ki5me5i5 and he’’5 been known to u5e that a5 leverage,..,
TA: that’’5 it,..,
TA: didn’’t even have to check my note5,..,
CT: 3---E That is a very accurate summary.
CT: 3---E We do think he has finally rec3---Eved what he was waiting for.
CT: 3---E He has dropped hints that there is a traitor in our midst.
TA: that 5ound5 a lot like a di5traction,..,
CT: 3---E It most likely is.
CT: 3---E However, a distraction can still cause damage if left unattended, so ignoring this w001d be f001ish.
TA: 5o what would you like me to do,, 5ir?
CT: 3---E Y00 are to investigate the significant members of our gr00p.
CT: 3---E S3---E if one of them happens to be this traitor.
CT: 3---E Or if it r3---Elly is just a decoy.
TA: okay,..,
TA: before i 5tart,, though,, who already know5 about thi5?
CT: 3---E I have fully br3---Efed serket on the matter.
CT: 3---E She is also aware of what y00 will be doing.
TA: 5hould i exclude her?
TA: i mean,, i might a5 well not bother with her now,, right?
CT: 3---E Y00 can e%clude her, if y00 wish.
CT: 3---E I am l3---Eving the e%ecution of this plan entirely up to you.
CT: 3---E I am counting on y00 to be thorough, however.
CT: 3---E If y00 give me one false report, i will cull y00.
TA: got it,..,
TA: i’’ll get on it right away,..,
CT: 3---E Very g00d.
CT: 3---E I e%pect to hear from y00 s00n.
TA: of cour5e,..,

-- controllingTyrant [CT] ceased trolling targetAcquired [TA] --

Captor has this odd way of being focused whenever he’s solving a problem. It is a very useful quality and you’re willing to forgive him the minor transgression of claiming you’re lenient in dealing with Makara. After all, you did ask. You don’t exactly expect him to find anything, although you will be pleasantly surprised if he does, of course.

Equius: Contemplate Makara

You do have an odd sort of respect for Gamzee Makara. For all his delusional self-righteousness, he is persistent, ruthless and somewhat more intelligent than one would give him credit for at first glance.

You are still half convinced he’s a blueblood, although that would be extremely unlikely, given what he’s actually fighting for. Then again, if there is a traitor, that possibility suddenly becomes a lot more likely.

However, the main thing that bothers you is his sign. It doesn’t appear anywhere in your official records, no matter what blood color you’re looking for. You have an entire library full of records detailing the signs of trolls of any blood color and who their ancestors were and what they accomplished, but his doesn’t appear.

Perhaps it’s time to dig into some of the other books you have acquired over the sweeps, see if there’s something else in there. Starting with religious texts, yes.

Equius: Head to Library

You captchalogue your husktop in the most convenient mode you could get your hands on (and, therefore, the most convenient mode that exists): the Array modus and make your way to the library, which is hermetically sealed off from the rest of your hive to prevent water damage.

You have no doubt that your investigative endeavors will be boring and tedious and you order us to be someone else for the moment.

Be ‘Him’

Stop that.

Be the Other Seadweller

Your name is VRISKA SERKET and you are QUITE FOND OF YOURSELF. This is not very strange, really, because you’re THE MOST AMAZING SEA DWELLER to have EVER LIVED. You are a BRILLIANT TACTICIAN and you excel at PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE. You greatly enjoying employing these skills in various games of EXTREME ROLEPLAYING.

You are very PROUD of the TROPHIES you obtained during these campaigns and there are quite a few LEGENDARY WEAPONS among them, alongside an actual TROLL.

You also keep some trophies from an entirely different sort of CONQUEST, namely the CONQUEST OF QUADRANTS. You have, naturally, been very SUCCESSFUL in this area as well and your MATESPRIT does so enjoy giving you new CLOTHES TO WEAR. As such, you’re one of two trolls on the entire planet to have an interest in FASHION. One of the two IMPORTANT ONES, at least.

You GREATLY ENJOY seeing just how far you need to PUSH someone to BREAK THEM, and you currently have at least TWO PET PROJECTS you have made a lot of PROGRESS with. You also very much enjoy CHALLENGES, since they’re the best way to IMPROVE YOURSELF, as long as they aren’t BORING.

You are, as previously mentioned, a SEADWELLER, with your blood color being the second highest on the HEMOSPECTRUM and you have the particular honor of being a close friend of the EMPEROR. This is basically why you get to do WHATEVER YOU WANT TO.

Your trolltag is aquaticGriefer and you sssspeak vith the mosssst diabolical accent you can imagine.

Your life is PERFECT.

Vriska: Describe Hive

Your hive really isn’t all that special. It’s just a huge, magnificent building that dwarves everything in the vicinity and is quite possibly one of the most amazing feats of troll architecture ever witnessed.

It also has a small extension for the second respiteblock, belonging to one of your pet projects, who also happens to be your slave. That one is mostly dull and uninteresting.

Your own respiteblock can only be described as ‘grand’. Well, it could be described in other ways, but they would be wrong or laughably inaccurate. It is situated at the top of your hive (a remarkably safe location, considering the fact that most trolls lack long-range weaponry), which means your slave has a long way to go before she can get all the way up here and you have a flying lusus, so it’s no problem for you.

It also holds all of your other trophies, since most of them are quite powerful and you are not going to leave them in treasure chests for potential invaders to find. They are proudly displayed opposite your recuperacoon, meaning you see them every night as you wake up.

Vriska: Describe Projects

The first is your slave, who you have already conditioned to respond mostly to her last name only. You’ve also already taken away her sign, giving her only three ties to her former identity: her last name, which you intend to take away over the next few perigrees, her lusus, which you will kill in the end to finally break her, and her hatred, which you will let her keep.

Although there has been one worrying development with her and you’re not entirely sure what to make of it.

The second doesn’t require all that much effort from your end, you just need to check up on him every once in a while. You don’t need to break him, he is essentially breaking himself. That doesn’t make it any less fun to watch, though and poking him every once in a while so he doesn’t get complacent simply adds to it.

Vriska: Contact Matesprit

Since you have to wait for your slave to arrive, you might as well do something else you enjoy.

-- aquaticGriefer [AG] began trolling governingAristocrat [GA] --

AG: Hi Kanaya!
AG: Vhat are you doing?
GA: Hello Vriska, I Am Cvrrently Working On A New Design.
GA: It Is Qvite Magnificent, If I Do Say So Myself.
AG: You’re deliberately obfusssscating vhether you’re talking about a dressss or a robot, aren’t you?
GA: Yov Are Beginning To See Throvgh My Rvses With An Alarming Freqvency.
GA: Perhaps I Shovld Have Them Accompany Me To A Higher Level.
AG: Vould that mean you’re finally sssstarting to actually challenge me?
AG: Becausssse I’d like a decent challenge for once.
AG: Sssso which issss it?
GA: Excvse Me?
AG: Vhat are you vorking on, a robot, or a dressss?
GA: I Am Working On A Dress, Yes.
GA: Or, Rather, I Was Vntil Yov Contacted Me.
AG: Vho issss it for?
GA: Well, There Is Only One Person, Myself Exclvded, Of Covrse, Who Trvly Appreciates My Work In That Field.
AG: Sssso it’ssss for me?
GA: No, It Is For Sollvx, Obviovsly.
GA: Since He Was Jvst Delighted When I Made Him Wear The Last One.
AG: And you didn’t even take picturessss of ssssuch a hisssstorical event!
AG: I demand you bring me picturessss next time!
GA: I Very Mvch Dovbt There Will Be Another One Of Those Fortvnate Occvrances.
GA: Bvt Yes The Dress Is For Yov.
GA: It Is Part Of A Set.
GA: The Other One Being Destined To Be Worn By Me.
AG: Vov, vay to make me curioussss, Kanaya.
AG: I jusssst can’t vait!
GA: Is There Any Particvlar Reason Yov Contacted Me?
AG: Do I need one?
GA: No, Bvt Most Trolls Do.
GA: And There Are Qvite A Lot Of Those That Seek My Advice.
GA: I Svppose It Has Become Something Of A Rovtine Qvestion By Now.
AG: I knov.
AG: You are alvayssss sssso incredibly bussssy.
AG: Alvayssss fussssing and meddling in other people’ssss bussssinessss.
AG: Missss Fussssyfangssss <3
GA: That May As Well Be My Official Title Now.
GA: The Less Than Three Makes It Particvlarly Accvrate.
AG: It vould be if I had anything to say about it.
GA: Then I Insist It Be Lady Fvssyfangs.
GA: <3
GA: So Did Yov Have A Reason?
AG: Vell, not really.
AG: But nov that I’m talking to you I guessss there issss ssssomething.
AG: I’m sssstarting to vorry about my sssslave.
GA: How Charitable Of Yov.
AG: Sssshut up!
AG: Sssshe keepssss vriting sssstuff on her vall.
AG: Sssshe doessssn’t notice it hersssself.
AG: And sssshe vouldn’t keep lying about that after hov often I beat her for it.
AG: It’ssss getting sssserioussssly unnerving.
GA: And She Is Still Writing The Same Thing?
AG: Yeah, although it’ssss getting lessss clear every time.
AG: But it jusssst won’t sssstop./span>
GA: I Am Not Entirely Svre What Yov Wovld Like Me To Do.
AG: Neither am I.
AG: I don’t knov vhat you can do, but I knov you can do ssssomething.
GA: Very Well.
GA: Acqvire Some Pictvres The Next Time It Occvrs.
GA: I Will Look Over Them And See What I Can Accomplish.
AG: Thankssss.
GA: Will Yov Be Visiting Me Tonight?
AG: I’m sure I can find the time ssssomevhere.
AG: Nov, the question is, can you?
GA: Well, I Do Not Think Clearing Vp My Schedvle Will Prove To Be Mvch Of A Problem.
AG: Excellent!
AG: Ssssee you later, Kanaya.
GA: Goodbye Vriska.

-- aquaticGriefer [AG] ceased trolling governingAristocrat [GA] --

Your slave will arrive soon, leaving you with little time to look forward to the meeting with Kanaya you’ve just planned, and more time pondering said slave and what she writes on her wall every day.