AG: Apologize, Pupa!
AG: Say you're sorry for being a cripple! Wheeeeeeee!
Apologize. Apologize for being a cripple.
I did this to you? No. You misunderstand me. Apologize for being a cripple, for being a broken, useless version of what you should have been.
Apologize for not being him.
It's not fair. Not fucking fair. Everything I'd ever done was to be like her. Mindfang, she was everything that I've ever wanted to be. Since the day I found that book, it was like I was being shown how my life was going to go, how I wanted it to go. I talked like her, I wrote like her, I lived like her. She had Dualscar, I had Eridan... It was all perfect...
Until he ruined everything.
He wasn't anything. A sad pathetic low blooded excuse for a troll. But that wasn't right. That wasn't who he was supposed to be. He was supposed to be just like him. The one she waited for, the one who would tame her heart, and bring her down from everything, the one who would let her feel love. He was supposed to be the one person who she would close down her walls for, and let close to her. He was who was supposed to be the one who she could trust enough to not be on defense all the time...He was supposed to save her from herself.
He was supposed to be perfect, the one to kill her in the end, a perfect bitter sweet ending. She had her Summoner. I... Had the boy Skylark. Where is the justice in that. I waited, and I waited, and this is what I got. He was supposed to save me from myself.
Maybe I was being unfair, insisting he apologize to me, to climb up the stairs when he clearly had no use of his legs. I had gone past a point of restraining myself. I had lost my calm, I had nothing holding me back from that tipping point. Ok, yes, I did this to him but... I dont know what I was expecting. Some fucking miracle? For him to grow those fabled wings and fly up? Whatever it was, didn't come. I think that’s what frustrated me the most. I over reacted, I went to far, even for me. But... I couldn't let him see why this bothered me, who are you trying to kid? If I was going to be miserable then so help me, so was he.
I hate him. Despise him even. I hate him because he's not what I wanted him to be. It's stupid, yes and selfish. But fuck. He was supposed to be the one good thing I got in life, the one thing I did right, and he took that away from me by being the one thing I did worst.
He isn't even able to hate me back and give me at least a black romance to settle my pent up emotions and frustration. No, he just stays as.... As nothing. No matter how desperately I try. Even the one time I tried to give in, he thought it was some horrible plot to fuck with his head and... Well. I let him think that. I would never drop that guard, never show him that I had tried to mean something from it. No I went along with it, and I let it go that one step farther.
I don't cry. I don't think I ever have. But this unsettled laughter, prodding the mouse back forth as he just sits there and takes it... I might as well have had cerulean pouring down my cheeks for how I felt. Each shake of the mouse was another fucking disappointment. Each shake of the mouse was a reminder that he wouldn't fight back. That I wasn't going to get that love, that chance that I wanted so badly that it physically hurts me to look at him. And the icing on the fucking metaphorical cake was that he didn't even realize he was hurting me as bad as I hurt him.
Maybe he wasn't who I was waiting for. Blood type and sign meant nothing, maybe I'm waiting for something like she did, born sweeps after me... From a whole other world...
... No. That’s stupid.
I'm reading to far into all of this.
This was all just a sick joke of the universe, and its done nothing but make me bitter.
You win this round...