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It's Betty from Apartment 2204

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This is the management office of Crawthorpe Apartments. Our regular office hours are Monday through Friday, eight a.m. to six p.m., and Saturday from noon to five p.m. If you are a tenant with a maintenance request, or if you are calling with a complaint, please leave your name and unit number along with a detailed description of your problem after the beep.


*beep*

"Hi, James, it's Betty from apartment 2204. I suppose you must be out to lunch or something? Well, no rush; as soon as you get back will be soon enough. I just wanted to let you know that Dana in apartment 2206 has left her TV on. You know I don't usually make a fuss about little things, but it's really quite loud -- I wasn't able to take my afternoon nap. I think I saw that nasty little fellow from across the hall out on the ledge, too. I must say that he's really quite suspicious; I don't like the thought of him poking his nose into other people's business like that. I think neighbors should respect each other's privacy. Oh, and now there's more noise from across the hall -- has he turned his TV on, too? You know I hate to complain, James, but it's really just too much. I hope you get back from lunch soon, so this can be dealt with promptly."


*beep*

"Hi, James, it's Betty again, in apartment 2204. Have you left early for the day? I hope not, because I've been hearing the strangest noises from 2206. It isn't the TV again, I'm sure of it. I don't know what it is, really -- I hate to speculate -- I didn't see Dana bringing home a gentleman friend, but there's all this snarling, and she screamed once -- oh dear, I hope it isn't that nasty little fellow from across the hall. He's obsessed with her, but she can do better, really she can. Anyway, the noises have stopped -- but that reminds me, I wanted to tell you that Mrs. Chang from 2200 left her shoes out in the hallway again, which she really isn't supposed to do, I think they're a fire hazard or something like that. If you'd speak to her, I'd be grateful. I hate to make a fuss, but these things really do have to be dealt with before they get out of control. I suppose you won't be able to deal with this until tomorrow morning. Perhaps I'll see you in the lobby, and we can talk about it then."


*beep*

"Hi, James, it's Betty from 2204. I haven't seen Dana in a few days -- not that I've been watching, mind you, but I do like to keep a neighborly eye out, and I don't think she's been home, unless she came up the fire staircase. That's at the other end of the hall, so I wouldn't see if she did. But there's a very unpleasant smell coming from her apartment, if you stand at her door and sniff -- it smells like fried eggs that have sat out for much too long. That sort of thing can attract rats, or even cockroaches, and you know I can't abide cockroaches. I don't want to have to call you in to deal with them, so somebody really ought to tell Dana not to leave food out. I mean, it's her apartment, and her business what she does in there, but not when it causes these kinds of problems for the people around her. It's really very inconsiderate, I must say. Oh, and Mrs. Chang's shoes are still in the hallway."


*beep*

"Hi James, it's Betty, you know, from apartment 2204. Is there a policy about musical instruments in the building? I know they're permitted, and normally the music Dana plays is perfectly lovely, if not the sort of thing I prefer -- I'm more fond of jazz, though I can put up with classical if I have to, and I suppose I do, given who lives next door. But she brought a man home today, and one of them was plinking at the piano in a way that put my teeth on edge -- it was like nails on a chalkboard. If she's going to start giving piano lessons, then I think there ought to be some guidelines about when that's allowed, or how loud it can be. You know me, James, so you know I'm an absolute pushover for most things, but I absolutely cannot have that noise happening at all hours, and Dana bringing strange men home for piano lessons, or whatever it is she's doing in there. I hate to put you out of your way, but if you could talk to her, I think it would be only fair."


*beep*

"Hi James, I know it's after hours, but I absolutely had to report this, it is just beyond the pale. That nasty little fellow is having a party or something in his apartment, with music and all kinds of people, and I have put on earmuffs but it's doing nothing to block out the noise. He's out in the hallway now, yelling for somebody to let him in, and I have half a mind to go out there and tell him what I think of carrying on in this fashion -- but you know me, I hate to make trouble. I wish I had some better way to reach you after hours, perhaps your home phone number or something, because some things just cannot wait for the morning. Do you suppose I should call emergency services? No, that would be a bit much. And now Dana is screaming again. Good heavens! I hate eavesdropping on other people's affairs, but I can hardly be blamed when they make it so hard to keep to my own business. All that snarling, I shudder to think what she and her gentleman friend must be doing in there, though it can't be that nasty little fellow, since he has his party and all. Oh dear, and now there's screaming from across the hall, too -- I'm just going to go look out the peephole -- all right, James, this is utterly inexusable. It seems that nasty little fellow has been keeping a dog in his apartment, a big one, and I know the building's policy says no pets allowed. You really must do something about this, James, I don't care what hour it is. I'm going to go find my phone book and see if I can't turn up another number for you. Oh, this is Betty, in 2204."


*beep*

"Hi, James, it's Betty from apartment 2204. I have a maintenance request, or maybe it's a complaint -- I really don't know -- there's a terrible draft in the building, and I don't know whether somebody has left their window open or if it's broken or what, but my apartment is getting far too cold, and I don't want to go turning up the heat already because who knows what that will do to my gas bill. I think the draft is coming from Dana's apartment? I hate to say that, because you know she's a dear and I never have a bad word to say about her, but unless she's going to pay my bill, I need someone to do something about this very quickly. And there's something in my apartment now -- I should be more specific, really, but I don't know what to call it. I'm not keeping pets, I can promise you that! I wouldn't have this as a pet if you paid me. It's transparent and it's leaking slime everywhere. Maybe it's a ghost? I don't know whether maintenance deals with that sort of thing, or whether you'll have to call in some kind of special exterminator. Do they have exterminators for ghosts? Either way, I have to insist that someone deal with these problems right away. And there's that nasty little fellow right now, I can see him out my peephole, looks like he hasn't bathed in a month. Oh, the draft just got worse when he opened Dana's door. I fear it really is coming from her apartment. Can someone please take care of this soon?"


*beep*

"Hi, James, Betty again, from 2204. Are you ever in the office? It seems like I only ever talk to the answering machine, which I call terribly irresponsible of you. Anyway, I wouldn't trouble you, but it's just that there's this terrible ruckus outside, a huge crowd with police and everything -- oh, are those the exterminators? I can see them out my window. I'm glad you've seen fit to answer at least one of my requests. Though I'm getting rather fond of the creature that's taken up residence in my apartment, even if I didn't ask for it -- oh dear, I think there's an earthquake going on -- was this building constructed to resist an earthquake? If not, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask that you see to having it refitted for that immediately. Sorry to be a bother, but you understand."


*beep*

"Hi, James -- it's Betty -- I'm looking out my window again right now, and unless this bottle of wine I've been drinking has gone very bad -- it might have; it was the last one I had around, I found it at the back of the pantry -- I think there's an enormous flaming Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man climbing up the side of the buil --"


*beep*

TAPE IS FULL.