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Two Monks Invent Mr. Darcy

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MONK #1: hey buddy
what's up?

MONK #2: not much
just normal monk stuff
rereading pride and prejudice

MONK #1: funny you should mention
been meaning to ask you about this for a while

MONK #2: i'm listening hard right now

MONK #1: can you tell me what mr darcy's like?

MONK #2: can i ever!
he's a little bit tall, a little bit proud, a little bit awkward around strangers
has 10000 a year
not much of a dancer
dark hair
noble mien

MONK #1: wow, that's a really great description
totally picturing him right now in my head
i imagine him looking a little something like this

MONK #2: uh oh
totally wrong

MONK #1: oh dang

MONK #2: darcy is definitely definitely human
sorry i didn't specify up front but i didn't realize i had to make that explicit

MONK #1: i'm embarrassed that i missed that nuance
i get it now though

MONK #2: even the costume is from the wrong period

MONK #1: argh

MONK #2: i like the stiffness in his posture and the little brown patch around his eye, but that's pretty much all this has going for it

MONK #1: okay, so human

MONK #2: human for sure

MONK #1: understood
soooo more like this, maybe?

MONK #1: so what do you think
be honest

MONK #2: hmm, ok
it's really not bad for your second try

MONK #1: thanks

MONK #2: pretty good actually
haughty, reserved, fastidious
well bred yet uninviting manners
but there's still room for improvement
for one thing he should be doing way more smoldering

MONK #1: taking notes here

MONK #2: i mean don't forget, darcy is MUCH handsomer than bingley
who is really not bad to begin with

MONK #1: wow

MONK #2: for another thing his wardrobe is kinda bothering me
his lapels have three points, like a shark bite
and his sleeves are all puffed up at the shoulders
also there's an upsetting cravat situation

MONK #1: i guess darcy probably wouldn't wear that stuff :(

MONK #2: no no don't be discouraged
i'm really viewing this more as a learning opportunity for you than anything else

MONK #1: i've learned a lot already

MONK #2: i know!
so maybe give it another shot now
see what else you can come up with

MONK #1: so we're looking for improved manliness and fashion sense

MONK #2: well...sort of
let's just see where you go with this

MONK #1: yesssssss
it's all coming together now
check this out

MONK #2: sooooo i'm torn about this one
i really appreciate that you're being creative
and i know i'm the one who suggested more smoldering
but ultimately i think you've taken it too far

MONK #1: i hate when i overshoot

MONK #2: it's ok
dial it back some
think of darcy as a little more stately and sedate
old-school gentleman cool

MONK #1: the owner of a great estate

MONK #2: exactly!
we're talking about lady catherine de bourgh's nephew, here

MONK #1: true true

MONK #2: his shirt doesn't just burst open like that. it stays buttoned unless he commands it to


MONK #2:

MONK #1: no?

MONK #2: that's a woman in a bowtie and a newsboy cap pretending to be a robot

MONK #1: it's lizzy dressed as darcybot
i thought it was kind of clever and meta
stiff and unfeeling like a robot, if you know what i mean

MONK #2: and i hate to nitpick but her shirt doesn't have any buttons at all

MONK #1: you got me there

MONK #2: i'm just worried it isn't sinking in with you about darcy

MONK #1: sorry
the 19th century can be pretty tricky

MONK #2: i actually think these are getting worse instead of better

MONK #1: don't give up on me yet
no more costume theater after this, i promise

MONK #2: maybe you've been overthinking it
try going in a totally different direction
shake things up a bit
i think it might be time for a little mise-en-scène

MONK #1: yeah!

MONK #2: ready? set the stage for me

MONK #1: maybe…he's at the edge of a big lake?

MONK #2: that could work

MONK #1: and he's deciding to jump in to take a swim and cool off his overheated emotions?

MONK #2: not traditional, but keep talking

MONK #1: and he's wearing this white shirt that's pretty much see-through when it gets wet?

MONK #2: wellllllll not sure

MONK #1: coming atcha

okay no
not even remotely like that

MONK #1: geez sorry
really thought i had it this time

MONK #2: first of all that thing is like 12 feet tall
darcy is the size of a normal tall human

MONK #1: oh yeah
i knew that
i totally knew that

MONK #2: elizabeth would run from this thing faster than she ran from mr collins
this is a nightmare

MONK #1: shoot

MONK #2: and you seem to be having a lot of trouble with the darcy-shirt thing

MONK #1: i'll work on it

MONK #2: i'm juuuuust about to give up and go back to my book
getting to a really good part
mr collins is about to propose to a certain bennet sister who's REALLY not interested :) :) :)
can't wait

MONK #1: okay but just let me try one more time first
i think i'm about to get the hang of darcy

MONK #2: trying to be supportive

MONK #1: this time i seriously think i've done something constructive with all the feedback

MONK #2: then hit me with your best shot

MONK #1: try this bad boy on for size

MONK #2: whoa
nailed it!

MONK #1: sweet

MONK #2: nice work, buddy
proper attention to period detail
pride under good regulation
love the look in his eyes here
there's a man who's been properly humbled by love
a masterful portrait

MONK #1: thanks!!!
couldn't have done it without you

MONK #2: let's call it a team effort

MONK #1: what do i not owe you
you taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous

MONK #2: dearest, loveliest Monk #1 :)